Rebuilding Trust with a Non‑Working Parent

In this episode, Clinton Lewis explores the process of rebuilding trust with a non-working parent in a child welfare case. He discusses how missed calls, inconsistent engagement, and resistance often come from hurt, fear, or feeling left out rather than a lack of care. The episode encourages a respectful, steady approach that uses clear communication, small steps, and consistency to reopen the door to involvement. It is a reminder that trust is rebuilt over time, one conversation at a time, when workers choose empathy over blame and keep the parent connected to their child’s journey. 

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Transcript

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Welcome to Human Services Stories, Management, Customer, and Staff Voices. I'm Clinton Lewis and I'm glad you're here. This show is about the people behind the work, the managers, the staff, the customers, and communities who care, support, and help one another move forward. And this episode is called Rebuilding Trust with the Non-Working Parent. In many human services cases, the parents may feel shut out, judged, or even invisible, especially when they're not the primary caregiver or when they appear to be not working the case. They may show up inconsistently, miss calls, or seem resistant. It can be easy to label them as uninvolved, but underneath that behavior, there's often hurt, shame, or fear that keeps them from engaging, fully engaging. This episode is about seeing a parent as someone who is still trying to figure out how to show up, even or not doing it the way the system expects. When a parent feels left out. A non-working parent may feel shut out of decisions, unseen in the process, or like the worker only wants to hear from the other parent or caregiver. When that happens, they can start to withdraw, act defensive, or stop answering phone calls altogether. But what looks like resistance is sometimes protection. The parent may be protecting their pride, the feeling of being blamed again, or the sense of being powerless. If you can see past the surface behavior, you can start to see the person who is still connected to the child, even if the connection looks tangled or inconsistent. Starting with respect and not blame. Rebuilding trust with a non-working parent begins with respect, not blame. You don't have to agree with every choice they've made, but you choose to treat them like someone who still matters in their child's life. You can greet them by name, acknowledge that the process is hard, and let them know that you're open and listening. Sometimes a simple question can change the tone. What would help you feel more included in this process? What do you think is possible for you right now? What do you want your child to know about you? These questions don't undo past mistakes, but they can then begin to open the door. The small steps bring back involvement. You don't have to fix the whole relationship in one meeting. You just have to start with one small consistent with small consistent steps. Consider giving clear, simple expectations instead of long lists. Calling at a time that works for them, not just for the office. Showing up when you say you will. Acknowledging when you follow through when they follow through even when it's small. Each time you show up differently, you give the parent a chance to show up differently too. They may begin to show up for visits, answer your calls, or start asking questions about their child's progress. Those small steps may not look like big change, but they are signs that trust is slowly rebuilding. For our coaching moment, it's seeing the parent behind the label. Here's a simple coaching moment for this episode. Pause and ask yourself, what assumptions do I have about the parent because they're not working the case? What one thing can I do differently this week to invite them back into the process? What can I say that reminds them their role in their child life matters? Then choose one small action, a different tone, a different question, or a different time of contact and follow through. As you do, remind yourself, I'm not trying to force change, I'm trying to rebuild trust one step at a time. Again, I'm not trying to force change, I'm trying to rebuild trust one step at a time. Trust is not rebuilt in a single conversation, but it can begin with small, one small act of respect. Thank you for listening to Human Services Stories Management, Customer, and Stab Voices. If you're working with a parent who appears non-working or disengaged, remember this, they're still a parent. They may be hurting, ashamed, afraid, but they still they are still connected to their child. When you choose to rebuild trust, you may be the one who helps them find their way back into the process and helps their child feel a little more seen and supported along the way. You got this.