Episode 3: The Real Reason Simple Things Suddenly Feel Overwhelming

Why does one small comment, mess, text, or stressful moment suddenly feel like it sends your whole body into overload?

In this episode of Just Breathe, I’m sharing a real family rafting story that perfectly captures what’s actually happening beneath overwhelm… and why the same experience can feel completely different to different people.

We’re talking about:

•  why your brain starts spiraling before anything has even happened 
•  the “motivational triad” and how your nervous system is constantly trying to seek pleasure, avoid pain, and conserve energy 
•  why moms so often end up stuck in reaction mode 
•  how fear-based thoughts quietly compound until simple things suddenly feel HUGE 
•  and how to step out of survival mode and back into the driver’s seat 

This episode is for the mom who feels mentally exhausted, emotionally reactive, and confused why life suddenly feels heavier than it used to.

Maybe nothing has gone wrong...

Your brain may just be trying to protect you the only way it knows how.

Take a breath.
 You’re not crazy.
 You’re human. 💛

https://marywilliamscoach.mykajabi.com/calm

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

So let me tell you what happened. Halfway across I stopped. One foot on the cable, a canyon below me, completely fine just seconds before, and then my brain started talking. What if this gets harder? What if this was a bad idea? Oh no, what if it's too late? Listen, nothing had changed, but suddenly everything felt overwhelming. This is episode three, the real reason simple things suddenly feel overwhelming. Hi, I'm Mary. I'm a mom, and I'm right in this season of life with you. This is just breathe. Reset and come back to yourself. Feeling calm, steady, and confident again. Less panic, more peace, and real conversations. Our family loves being outside, and recently we did something called a via ferata. It's hiking and climbing along the side of a mountain using cables and footholds bolted into the side of a cliff or mountain. You're clipped in with rock climbing harness the whole time, but some trails you get to walk across a single cable stretched over a canyon or ravine to continue the climb. One foot in front of the other. It's not nothing. That's the scene I found myself in on this particular day. You see, I went last. I had watched my kids and my husband go across. Some hesitation, some laughing, a little bit of I don't know if I can do this, but everyone made it. So when it was my turn, I felt confident. I was clipped in, I had good shoes, I felt steady, I was leaning into the adventure, and I started across, step by step, totally fine. And then halfway across, I paused. I looked back, I looked up the canyon, and then I did the least helpful thing I could have done. And I looked straight down at my feet and the distance between me and the ground. And in that moment, everything shifted. Nothing had actually changed. I was still clipped in, still supported, still capable, but my brain went, wait, maybe this is a dangerous idea. I bet this gets harder and someone's going to not like it. Wonder how long this is gonna take. Which one of my kids is gonna struggle? And just like that, I went from moving to freezing and then to managing everything in my head. And here's what I want you to see. I didn't get scared and then stop. I stopped and then I got scared. Has this happened to you? Suddenly stuck because your brain started scanning instead of focusing on action? Maybe you'll like this example. I know some of you are gonna call BS, but I actually like pulling weeds. There's something satisfying about scene one, pulling it, and then boom, it's just done. Cleaner, better. What is not satisfying is the next day they're back. And for years I had a plan. I would go out once a week and just knock it all out. Spend a couple of hours, get everything back in order, knowing it wouldn't need me again. But if I missed a week or got busy, that task started to feel like a project. And instead of just going out and pulling a few weeds when I had some time, my thoughts would offer me, this is gonna take forever. The whole yard is overgrown, and I will need a full day to deal with this. Suddenly, it was all or nothing. It was like I couldn't see how pulling one weed or even a hundred would make any difference. I could only see the enormity of the entire yard all at once and the worst case scenario of what it would become. My brain just started stacking evidence. I can't do this alone. It's better to wait until I have help. And in a matter of a minute, I had convinced myself to shut down progress completely. Here's something I know about you. You'll be moving, things going fine, and then for whatever reason, you'll hesitate. And in that pause, your brain steps in. It starts scanning, zooming out, building a case. And suddenly something simple, like the yard or making dinner, starts to feel heavy, complicated, and hard to start. Wanna know why? Because you're being lied to constantly by the amazing brain that is hardwired to keep you safe. That is its job, not to make you confident, not to help you grow, but just to keep you safe. There's a simple and important reason for it. Your brain is always trying to do three things. Avoid pain, conserve energy, and move toward what will keep you alive. You'll hear this taught in different ways. Tony Robbins talks about avoiding pain and seeking comfort. Daniel Kahnman explains how the brain defaults to easier automatic thinking. Different language, same idea. That's why when you hesitate, your brain actually doesn't go quiet. It gets to work. It starts asking, could this go wrong? Is this going to be hard? Is there an easier way? And if the answer is even slightly, maybe, it starts working overtime to build you a case. Not to help you move forward, but to help you avoid discomfort. And this is where the amazing brain gets a little sneaky because what shows up from there doesn't feel negative. It feels responsible. It feels thoughtful, like you're doing the right things. I should think this through. I want to make sure I do it right. I need a better plan. I'll start when I feel more ready. But none of these thoughts move your feet. In the work I do as a coach, these are sometimes called indulgent emotions. Not because they're bad, but because they keep you spinning in one spot without actually moving forward. They feel productive, but they don't produce anything. You get stuck. Not because the yard got bigger, not because the trail got harder, but stuck because your brain is doing exactly what it's designed to do and you believe it. So what can we all do? We can't shut our brain off. That's not gonna work. Instead, we catch the moment. Practice recognizing that moment when momentum pauses. Practice curiosity about our thoughts over believing them as facts. Remember the brain looks to the past for evidence to protect you in the future. When you can catch the moment, you find the tool to come back to the simple and powerful present. Back to the footing, back to your tether, back to remembering you don't need to solve the whole problem, to conquer the whole adventure, you don't need to weed the entire yard. You don't need a better plan. You just need a little movement. That might be as simple as looking a few feet ahead, taking a single step, and then letting the path reveal itself from there. In case you're wondering, I did make it across that canyon one step at a time. Now let's do a simple exercise together. I do this with my coaching clients often. Come back to the garden story with me. We're going to pull a weed and plant a seed. The weeds are all those unhelpful thoughts and indulgent emotions. Pick one emotion that isn't moving you forward and find it in your body. Where does it take up space? What does it feel like? Is it a color? Is it heavy? Does it move around or spread to any other areas? Now take a deep breath with me, and when you let it out, pull that emotion weed and say goodbye to it. Now the fun part. We pulled that weed and we're gonna plant a seed. What emotion do you want to plant or put in its place? If you pulled out anger, maybe you plant peace. Or it could be compassion. There's no right answer. Now, if you've been stuck in that kind of a loop, replaying, overthinking, waiting to feel ready, I made something simple for you. It's called the Calm Kit. It's a free guide with small, real life resets you can use for the moments that feel bigger than they should. You'll find the link in the show notes. And until next time, just breathe. Oh hey, before you go, notice one last thing with me. In the middle of everything you're carrying, you gave yourself a moment to breathe. Congratulations. That matters. Keep showing up. A pause changes more than you realize. One moment at a time. One reset at a time. I'll see you here next time.