Why We Avoid Doing 'The Thing'

Episode 6: Why We Avoid Doing 'The Thing'

Have you ever spent an entire day avoiding one task, only to finally do it and realize it took eight minutes?

In this episode of Just Breathe, We explore one of the most human patterns we all experience: avoidance. Not the kind that comes from laziness or lack of motivation, but the kind that comes from a brain and nervous system trying to protect us from discomfort.

We'll talk about why organizing the pantry suddenly feels urgent when there's an important email waiting, how our thoughts create emotional weight around simple tasks, and why we often spend far more time suffering over something than actually doing it.

You'll learn:

• Why avoidance is often protection, not procrastination
• How your nervous system interprets emotional discomfort
• The hidden thoughts that create overwhelm
• A simple coaching question that helps uncover what's really going on
• How awareness can help you move forward with more compassion and less self-criticism

Along the way, we'll look at examples from scripture, explore the connection between thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, and practice a gentle breathing exercise to help you approach the thing you've been avoiding with curiosity instead of judgment.

Because sometimes the thing we've dreaded for twelve hours really does only take eight minutes.

And sometimes understanding ourselves is the bravest step of all.

https://marywilliamscoach.mykajabi.com/calm

Transcript

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I spent an entire day avoiding one thing on my to-do list. One little thing. And incredibly, in this process, I instead organized my entire pantry, deep cleaned my closet, did five loads of laundry, answered random emails I'd ignored for weeks, and basically became wildly committed to household management. And then late that night, when I had run out of excuses, I sat down and did the thing I'd been dreading all day. Guess how long it took me? Eight minutes. Eight! And we're talking about it today because I think that says something really important about being a human. Hi, I'm Mary. I'm a mom, and I'm right in this season of life with you. This is just breathe. Reset and come back to yourself. Feeling calm, steady, and confident again. Less panic, more peace, and real conversations. I have a feeling some of you are about to feel very seen. And if you are, you're my people. So here's the thing: the task itself wasn't even terrible. Was it dangerous? Nope. Was it physically hard? Not at all. It wasn't going to change my life. It was just, if I'm being honest, boring. That's basically what it came down to. Me thinking, this sounds tedious. And somehow my brain decided, you know what would feel easier than this task? Organizing your spice drawer. Funny that something simple but tedious created a whole day of productivity. Just not in the direction I actually needed to go, but stuff I'd never even had on my list. I am picturing all of you out there nodding your heads about your own version of this. It is a very human thing. And here's why we do it. Sometimes we exchange movement for progress. It's all under the umbrella of avoidance. I think a lot of us assume avoidance means being lazy, irresponsible, weak, unmotivated. But in my story, I argue that point because I believe avoidance is really under the guise of protection. And yes, sometimes it means zoning out on your phone. But our brains are wired to constantly try and avoid failure, embarrassment, conflict, rejection, uncertainty, inadequacy, vulnerability. And when something feels risky, like taking care of a tax document you're not familiar with, and it's going to be a little unknown, our nervous system often starts steering us towards safer territory. Laundry is safe, cleaning feels safe, scrolling feels safe, busy work feels safe. Washing the dog? Yeah, that feels safe. Why? Because familiar discomfort feels safer than unfamiliar discomfort. And that is such an important thing to understand about all of us. Once you understand what your brain is trying to protect you from, you suddenly have much more power to move through it intentionally. Sometimes we avoid things because we're afraid we won't do them well enough. Sometimes it's because the emotional weight attached to the task feels bigger than the actual task itself. Sometimes those thoughts convince us that our nervous system doesn't have enough gas in the tank to manage another unknown. I think that is a very common motherhood midlife emotion. There's just not enough left. And isn't that interesting? The suffering often starts long before the event itself. Our thoughts create entire emotional experiences in advance. Big, huge stories about why doing the thing is monumental, which means sometimes we end up spending hours suffering over an eight-minute problem. My coaching clients learn with me to draw out a mind map. Together we see where all this story came from and where it leads. It starts with a neutral circumstance like I received an email from my child's teacher about her math grade. Then we map out the thoughts that show up, the emotions those thoughts create, and the behaviors or actions that follow it. All of this together determines a result that we end up with and get to live through. And what's so fun to realize and to get better at, we're able to recognize that it all starts with thoughts in our minds. It's not the task that's a problem, it's everything we make the task mean. Hidden thoughts often sound like, I should be better at this. He's failing me as a partner. I am disappointed as a fill in the blank. My daughter is being left out and she shouldn't be. Oh great. I'm stuck holding all the responsibility again. And maybe I don't know what to do. It is our thoughts that create the burdens we carry and the emotional baggage that we drag around after it. It's not the email, it's not the phone call, it's not the paperwork, it's the meaning our brains attach to it. And back to examples in scriptures, they show it's part of human nature all the time. How comforting that even faithful, chosen, capable people avoided difficult things. Moses literally tried convincing God to send anybody else. Not because he was lazy, but because he felt inadequate. Jonah tried to run away instead of fulfilling the calling God had given him. Adam and Eve hid when God called their names. It's a very human thing. And understanding our humanity with compassion instead of condemnation changes the conversation. Our brains are protective by design. They are constantly asking, Am I safe? Will this hurt? Will I belong? Can I handle this? And sometimes the nervous system interprets emotional discomfort as danger. Which is why suddenly Mary is organizing the pantry, researching random things online, cleaning the card, I rarely get to, and alphabetizing markers. Yes, that's happened. It can feel strangely urgent because your brain is trying to move you away from discomfort. You are not lazy because you want to avoid hard things sometimes. You are human. And awareness gives you choices. Because once you notice the pattern, you can gently and kindly interrupt them. It's not going to happen every single time. It doesn't happen overnight, but with intention, the awareness and the response gets better and better. One thing that helps me is asking, what emotion am I avoiding? If you have the ability to sit with yourself, because suddenly the issue can become clearer. Maybe what you're avoiding is an emotion of inadequacy, conflict, uncertainty, disappointment, vulnerability. Once you can allow some space for that emotion to exist and you breathe, it tends to bubble up to the surface and lessen, like soda. Then the task becomes a smaller monster. So let's take one slow breath together. I want you to think about something you've been avoiding lately. Not with judgment, just awareness. What story is your brain attached to it? Is it the corner of your closet with the Amazon returns? Is it an important email? Maybe a phone call to a family member that sounds heavy. Can you identify a feeling you're trying not to feel? I want you to take a big breath in and imagine loosening your grip and the pressure around it. You do not have to take any action. Just a big breath in. Allow it to be a little more circumstantial instead of a big story you're carrying around that brings in the past and is making a good argument about how it's going to shift your future. Because maybe all you need is the next small brave step. A little curiosity. And then also remember that the thing you're avoiding is not proof you are incapable. It's just a reminder that you're human. Sometimes the thing we dread for twelve hours takes eight minutes. So I want to invite you this week to notice where your brain tries to protect you through avoidance. When self-criticism starts to talk, remind it to sit back. It's not in charge. It's just trying to protect you. And when you do it, it's you choosing to understand yourself better. Just the small act of opening up to awareness dissolves so much unnecessary struggle. Thank you for being here today, friends. Summer's gonna be great. I trust that you will figure out all those little things that need to get done in the middle of everything else. And until next time, just breathe. Oh hey, before you go, notice one last thing with me. In the middle of everything you're carrying, you gave yourself a moment to breathe. Congratulations. That matters. Keep showing up. A pause changes more than you realize. One moment at a time, one reset at a time. I'll see you here next time.