Between Two Worlds with Dr. Phebe
If you’ve ever had to explain therapy to your immigrant parent…
defend why you don’t want to be a doctor…
or survive an auntie asking “Where is your husband?” before saying hello…
Welcome. You’re among family.
Hosted by Dr. Phebe Brako — therapist, immigrant daughter, and professional translator of “what your parents meant when they said you’re acting too Western” — Between Two Worlds is the podcast where immigrant parents and their children come to laugh, reflect, and finally understand each other a little better.
Each week, we unpack the real conversations immigrant families have behind closed doors… and the ones they usually avoid entirely.
From church and career pressure to dating, therapy, identity, emotional expression, and generational expectations, this show explores the tension between:
- parents who sacrificed everything
- and children trying to build lives that honor that sacrifice without losing themselves
Dr. Phebe breaks down both sides of the generational divide, with humor, honesty, cultural nuance, and therapist-level insight, often joined by her very own immigrant mother for real-time perspective, wisdom, and the occasional loving accountability.
Because this isn’t about choosing sides.
It’s about building understanding.
So whether you’re the child in therapy, the parent trying your best, or the family mediator in the group chat…
Pull up a chair.
We’re bridging the gap, one awkward conversation at a time.
Between Two Worlds with Dr. Phebe
Between Seasons: The Family Group Chat Is My Villain Origin Story
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Season One may be officially over but Dr. Phebe is not leaving you hanging! Enjoy these notes as she prepares for the upcoming season of the podcast. Have a topic you’d like covered in the upcoming season? Send an email to consult@phebebrakolmft.com!
Send your questions and topic ideas to consult@phebebrakolmft.com or slide in my DM's on Instagram @drphebebrako
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A boundary is not abandonment, right? You can love your family without responding immediately. You can care deeply and you can still put your phone down, right? So so let's normalize some some responses here, right? Scene, leaving things unseen. Great response. Or I'll get back to you. Or um, not today. And my personal favorite, silence. Welcome back to Between Two Worlds of Dr. Phoebe. Now, today I'm going to be talking about one of the most powerful forces in the immigrant family universe. Not guilt, not expectations. I'm talking about the family group chat. You know the one, the one that has like 37 people in it, right? Nobody knows who created it. Half of the family members have muted it, and the other half, they're sending messages like every six minutes, and every every time something just seems urgent, right? Every notification feels super urgent. And and I I'm sure you all are relating to it because for me, some of those group chats have been archived. Yes, I just let out the secret. Yes. Some of those group chats have been archived because they get very, very overwhelming for me. But let's talk about it. Family group chats are are fascinating, right? One minute, you know, Ni is saying, Oh, hey, I have a prayer request, uh, I have a job interview that's coming up, and you know, can we pray about it? And then the next minute it's Auntie saying, Oh, here's a photo of, you know, somebody's some someone's neighbor's cousin's wedding, and it's some blurry photo, right? And then next thing you know, it's some sort of political article that your uncle has found, and you're kind of like, wait, where did this article come from? Is this even like legit? Is this real? Is this true? Is this AI? Right? And then before you realize, your grandma is sending a warning about bananas causing cancer, right? And then, you know, like your your cousin who never pays attention to anything is suddenly asking if anyone knows how to reset a password. And somehow, somehow, you are expected to respond to all of it. Now, for many immigrant families, group chats are actually a modern version of community. Let's be real. All of us have WhatsApp on our phones, all of us have um, you know, iMessage or some sort of like messaging thing, but WhatsApp has been like the biggest, biggest thing. And it's how we're staying connected across countries, it's how we're staying uh connected across time zones. I remember when we, I mean, growing up, my father was always in different time zones. We were in in um GMT, Greenwich meantime. And every time he called, the first question was, oh, what time is it over there? Right. And these group chats are how we're staying connected also across generations, right? Because now Auntie has a smartphone and grandpa has a smartphone, and it's beautiful, right? It's it's wonderful. You get to connect, you're doing the video calls, the FaceTimes, all of the things, and it's it's such a wonderful thing. It's such a beautiful thing, but also there is a downside. Let's be honest, there is a downside to all of this, it is the expectation of constant availability. Many adult children start to feel like they're always on call, right? Every vibration creates some sort of anticipation and some anxiety. Oh my goodness, what does someone need right now? Or who needs help? Who has gotten sick? Who's at the hospital? What's wrong? And over time, this creates a low-level state of anxiety. I'll give an example of how this anxiety showed up for me. Because my dad was always in different time zones, we just never knew when he was going to call. And so even after I left home, immigrated to the US, I'm in college, I get my first cell phone here and everything. I had a habit of going to sleep with my phone on my bed so that I would feel it vibrating, right? Because I wasn't sure when else I would be able to talk to my dad. And sometimes he was at the port for my dad was a is a retired marine engineer, so he sailed on ships. And at some, some sometimes it was just, you know, maybe an hour at the port. And so I wouldn't get to talk to him for weeks after that. And I'm right, he would get so upset and just so irritated because if I didn't answer the phone, that means he doesn't get to talk to me either for weeks and sometimes even months, right? And our brains aren't designed to be available to dozens of people at all times, right? When we're constantly monitoring our messages, we never actually fully relax, right? We're we're emotionally activated all the time, right? And so that's why some of us feel stressed simply by seeing a notification badge. And I I lived with that for a while to where my phone had to be on my bed. And gradually I had to start putting my phone away and away and away. I mean, right now it's not too far away. It stays on the charger on my nightstand while I sleep. But you know what I'm saying? Like sometimes it's just sometimes I wish I could just turn it off, right? Because it feels like everybody needs something at every every time. And thank heavens for the do not disturb feature, right? Because the phone becomes some sort of like pocket-sized emergency room, right? But here's the thing, right? A boundary is not abandonment, right? You can love your family without responding immediately. You can care deeply and you can still put your phone down, right? So so let's normalize some some responses here, right? Scene, leaving things unseen. Great response. Or I'll get back to you, or um, not today. And my personal favorite, silence. Silence, because sometimes silence is self-care. Believe it or not, silence can be self-care. Okay. And I've learned to automate my phone to where when it's my bedtime, my phone knows when it's my bedtime, it automatically turns off all notifications, every single one of them, because a girl needs to sleep. And if I don't do that, right, that's a boundary I have to set for myself, with myself. And if I don't do that, I'm going to continue feeling the buzzing or hearing the buzzing of the phone, and I'm going to wonder if there's some sort of emergency. Because, like I said, all of us have all these family members, friends, and people that we love that are in different time zones. With with everything that has been going on in the Middle East, for example, um, this this year and and in the last, you know, my last few years especially, my best friend lives, one of my best friends lives in in um in the UAE, right? And so I'm on high alert every time my phone is vibrating, like, oh my goodness, this did something happen and all that. And so I really have to lean into making sure that I have that silence, you know, that that silent mode, that sleep mode. It's my favorite feature on the iPhone, right? Team iPhone all day, every day. You can fight me, you know, if you're an Android user, I don't care. But this week, I want you to try one small experiment. I want you to turn off your notifications for your family chat just for one day. The world will continue spinning. I promise. I promise. Turn off the notifications. And also another thing that you can do is start using the focus feature on your phone to where you are automating your life because sometimes we get carried away, sometimes we will forget. And so block out that time where you don't get any notifications because you have to take care of yourself. You, your body, your brain, your mind, your heart, it's not designed to take in all of these notifications over and over again. The family group chat is gonna be fine. That forwarded message that your your auntie sent, it's going to be there when you're when you're ready, when you're ready to take a look at it. Listen, I know that this is probably like raising some anxiety or feeling some of anxiety inside of you. I understand. I've been there before. And and also, like speaking of the group chat, let's be honest. Also, all of those forwarded messages, forwarded messages are the very bane of my existence. I cannot stand those forwarded messages. I cannot. I oh the little gifts and the um send this to 10 people on your contacts list. How how are we still doing that in in today's day and age? In the good lord's 2026. Wow, why? And I remember having to set a boundary with with my family, my family, um, where I just said, you know, stop sending, especially the ones that have like really graphic material and everything. I just told them, like, I don't need to see this to believe that this has happened to somebody or this happened to so and so. Do not send it to me. And my parents have been very respectful of that. I mean, my dad every now and then he'll still send those forwarded, you know, YouTube videos or whatever. I mean, which make sure you forward this to your your family members too, forward this on YouTube. This is this is the YouTube video they need to see, or this is the audio they need to hear, okay? But I um I I had to tell them like stop sending them because I'm not gonna read them. And so I actually haven't been receiving any of those messages. It's been a half minutes since I saw one of those, so I think it's worked. So that's actually what happens when you actually speak up and you say what you're needing. People might actually listen to you and actually respect where you're at. So thank you so much for spending time with me today. And if you're listening to this while you're avoiding a family group chat notification, just know that you are not alone. Okay, I see you, bro. I see you, sis. Alright, see you next time. So, guess what? We are opening up some slots for a sponsorship. If you've been watching or listening to this podcast and you've been enjoying it as much as we have been enjoying recording it, I would love to invite you to consider sponsoring us. You can reach out to me at consult at phoebraccallmft.com. That's consult at phoebraccallmft.com. We have a wide range when it comes to our audience, and we would love for our audience to hear about you, your service, or your product. Thank you so much.