Perimenopause: The Bloat, The Pain, The Rage

Let us just say this upfront: perimenopause is REAL.

In this episode, Jeni and Amy are talking about what really started happening to our bodies before anyone officially called it perimenopause — the bloating, the sudden bloat, the hip pain (who knew estrogen receptors lived there?!), the sore boobs that felt like my milk was coming in again, and the mood swings that went from “meh” to full-blown rage in 0.4 seconds.

Fun times.

In this episode we get into the real symptoms of perimenopause and menopause — the stuff women whisper about but don’t always say out loud:

• Breast swelling and tenderness
• Feeling puffy and inflamed for no reason
• Hip and joint pain linked to dropping estrogen
• Random flushing and night sweats
• Brain fog and losing words mid-sentence
• The sudden disappearance of your emotional filter

And can we talk about the rage?

Because no one prepared us for the raaaaage. Or the clarity that comes with it.

It’s like midlife rips the filter off your brain. Things you tolerated for years? Suddenly unacceptable. Conversations you avoided? Now happening. Perimenopause doesn’t just shift your hormones — it shifts your tolerance.

We also talk about HRT (hormone replacement therapy) and how confusing and frustrating it can be to get real answers.

For us? Game changer.

We share exactly what worked for us.

We also discuss:

• HRT patches
• Why did my doctor give me birth control
• How wildly inconsistent doctor’s guidance can be
• Why advocating for yourself matters

If you’ve been told “this is just aging” or “your labs are normal” but you feel off — this conversation is for you.

Perimenopause is real. The symptoms are real. And the solutions are real too.

And if you’re in the thick of sore boobs, hip pain, brain fog, hot flashes, or increased irritability — you’re not crazy.

You’re hormonal.

Come sit with us.

Write to us at: 

thedismissedpodcast@gmail.com

Or visit us on the socials 

@thedismissedpodcast

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Hi, I'm Jenny, and I'm Amy, and this is dismissed.

SPEAKER_02 0:10

We are former stay-at-home moms who quit our careers to raise our only children. Now we've been dismissed from our duties as carpoolers, dance moms, and birthday party throwers. And we're trying to figure out our empty nest lives. Each week, we're having unserious but raw conversations about what is going on with our bodies, minds, and lives. Okay. So let's talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 0:42

Hi, everybody. Welcome back. Um, we're here today um to talk about a subject. It's not my favorite subject. I don't think it's your favorite subject either. What is the subject? Um, perimenopause and menopause. It's a subject we have to talk about. We do. Um, and it's so hot right now. Like people are talking about literally. I am actually sweating. I'm actually sweating. Um, but it is, it's such a hot topic right now, but I think it's such a hot topic because people are finally starting to talk about it. Exactly. Um, so I want to talk about it and all the weird things that go on.

SPEAKER_02 1:18

Yeah, I agree with you. It's yeah. What is, do you remember what like the first thing was?

SPEAKER_00 1:23

Well, I remember I remember in um 2020. Um, so definitely the pan, it was the pandemic. Okay. And I started to feel like really bloated and really um puffy. Like I remember my body feeling puffy and my hips hurt so bad. They were so, so tight. And I was like, this is so weird. Like it's not that I'm I just kept thinking, well, I I work out or I'm doing something, my hips hurt. But come to find out that's a big, big side effect of um perimenopause. What is it with the hip? I don't know. It's your hip flexor. It's it's basically your like what is it, your multi-skeletal, what is it? Uh uh something muscular stuff stuff on the inside. Yes. Um, it's all affected by those estrogen receptors. So that was the first indication, but I didn't I ignored it. 100% ignored it.

SPEAKER_02 2:18

Well, because you thought you were just sore.

SPEAKER_00 2:20

Yeah, I just thought it was normal. I in I was back then, I mean, now I'm 51, but back then I was 46 or whatever. So I was like, I don't know. It's it's just my my hips are sore.

SPEAKER_02 2:30

Did you ever think perimenopause? No, okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

No, and I didn't know why I was like super bloated, started to get moody. I felt, and I also felt like kind of like fuzzy, not brain fogged, but like you just kind of look at life through a filter. Like you're just kind of like kind of blah.

SPEAKER_02 2:46

Oh, you felt more blah, but not blah depressed. No, just blah. About everything? Just blah. Like that's how I can just describe it. I can't imagine why somebody didn't diagnose you.

SPEAKER_00 2:58

I mean, I just can't imagine. Um, so yeah, what about you?

SPEAKER_02 3:01

When did you uh I I don't know exactly what happened first. What I do remember is that I got very clear, but very annoyed um up in the head.

SPEAKER_01 3:15

Like rage, because I had rage. Yes, but I feel like I've always skewed to irritable. Wait, I've always skewed towards rage. But I mean, I mean, I mean, there was a time, and my husband will support that, but yeah. Yeah, there was a time. Maybe a little I'm gonna call it irritable. Irritable, okay. I won't call it rage.

SPEAKER_02 3:38

Okay, it was rage. It was rage. Um, no, it was rage. I remember being like, I cannot fucking stand anything or anyone. And people I liked and loved, um, I was always sort of rageful in the car, but now I would get in and immediately I hated everyone in the alley. I hated everyone when I turned right. I I but it was very focused on people in my house. And I couldn't, you know, it couldn't be about my daughter because, you know, CEO here of her life uh and our life, uh, our household. Uh my husband got it. Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 4:22

Oh, yeah, my husband did too, a lot of it.

SPEAKER_02 4:24

I did, I do remember a day I walked up to him. Uh, he was like getting changed from work or something, or after work, and I was like, just so you know, things are changing. And I did mean within myself, and he was sort of like, he was very calm, but I was like, he would get um, he would complain about little things like big things happen. He's amazing. Um, he, like when we had little little baby, yeah, he was he started saying, no big deal, no big deal to try to like get us over some of those humps for the whole household, not just like to calm me down, the whole thing. And I was so he's really good with that. But he would like, I don't know, I can't even come up with an example right now, but at the time, so I was like, you know, this is not gonna be how we're gonna spend the next 30 years. And so he like sat there, God love him, and listened and listened. And but I was serious. Like I say it laughing now, but I I wasn't joking. Right. And I and he was like, okay, so let me just get it straight. As long as I don't get up and complain, like, oh, it's I don't know, dark out, and it's for the next 30 years, we're good. And I said, Yeah, yeah, pretty much. That's all I can do. And he was like, okay. I don't know if he completely retained that, but I did feel a shift in me. And I do think some of it is like just stating your truth. In that moment, I wasn't joking.

SPEAKER_00 5:55

Well, and somebody said that it is literally like perimenopause and menopause is literally like when somebody takes the filter off of your life, and somebody just says, This is now you're in the real. This is what it was always like, but you had a filter over it because you were CEO of your house, you were running your daughter's lives, you were working on your marriage, you were taking cooking meals, doing all that stuff, and then all of a sudden the filter is gone, and you're like, oh, like not oh, in a bad way, but the reality is your child is gone, you are spending time in your house with your um husband now that you know that you're you're gonna be with. So literally you have to deal with all of that. I think that is gone.

SPEAKER_02 6:38

And I I I look at it or I use the words like it is a it's the truth is coming out. Yes, and very true. There has been some sort of yeah, you're sort of caught up in the parent. I was still in the parenting phase because I'm older than you, I'm mid 50s, a little higher than mid-50s. And 50 and fabulous. Well, fabulous in your 50s. Some days, some days it feels like the best thing in the world, right? Right. Really free, true. And then some days you're like, what? Oh wow, I have to think about retirement. Do I, you know, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. So, yes, I so that's what started. And also physically, I never really had boob aches. Like you didn't? No. Uh like maybe sometimes when I had my period, it was like, oh, the nipples hurt a little or they're a little sunset, but it'll be for a short period of time. My first of all, they were bigger. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

You too? Yes, yes. And I already have your boobs. Yes. They were bigger. And like a little harder. Is it like swollen? Yes, kind of. It's yes, yes. And they hurt like it's like when you had um, when you had your daughter and um and your milk is coming in, it's like that pain where you're like, I don't know what to do with myself. Like, did you breastfeed? I did not. I did not either. I couldn't because I was on anti-um anxiety medication, so they wouldn't allow me to. Yeah. Well, I chose not to. You chose not to. So did you bind? Yeah. And they said, don't stimulate the nipples. Like, don't do any nipple. Yeah, yeah. Don't I'm not going to. Um, yeah, yeah. Like, don't do that because then your milk will come in. So, like, yes. And then remember, my mom was convinced that you if you put the cabbage leaves on things. So I for a while. Did it help? No, it just has to run its course. But that's what it feels like. That's what it is when it and not one person told me that your boobs were gonna hurt.

SPEAKER_02 8:39

Well, obviously, nobody told me because when you just said your boobs hurt too. Yes, even talking to people along the way, yes. I've been going through this for like eight years, uh-huh. Maybe a little longer. And nobody said no, nobody else has ever said their boobs were hurting or swollen.

SPEAKER_00 8:53

Well, here's but here's the thing with me is I just ask people like if like like my friends, I'm like, Do your boobs hurt? Because mine hurt really, really bad. And that's a thing that they don't tell you either. It doesn't last for a huge long time, but it lasts for a chunk of time. Like I feel like it was like three or four months. I was gonna say six months. And it's and it hurts really bad. It's so annoying, and you and you can't touch them, but you also feel bigger and you know you are. And I remember giving a tour at school, and I was wearing my normal bra, but I had to go up the stairs and I was like, oh, I was like, welcome to the school. It hurts all bad, like it hurt so bad because the movement and they're bigger.

SPEAKER_02 9:32

Because the bra or the shirt is rubbing against the nipples, and it was like it's awful. That was like my so that was really besides my mood, which was sort of hard to tell if it was my regular mood or um what the boobs were brand new. I was actually a little scared, quite frankly, when it first happened.

SPEAKER_00 9:50

Yeah, like I looked it up because I was like, is it something wrong with my boobs? Right, because you want to know if something's like wrong.

SPEAKER_02 9:56

Yeah. So I've always been hot. Right. I sweat, blah, blah, blah, blah. This was a different kind of hot.

SPEAKER_00 10:03

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 10:03

So boobs were hurting, so hot, and I would get a flush.

SPEAKER_00 10:07

Yes, I would get it.

SPEAKER_02 10:08

I was a blusher. You were never a blusher.

SPEAKER_00 10:10

No, but I will now. I'll get it in my like if I don't get full-on hot flashes, but I'll get it in my head and it shows up right here. So you have a hot head? Yes. You don't have a hot flash. Not fully. I mean, I will do this. I've had night sweats and stuff like that, but nothing like during the day, I don't get a full-on night sweat. Okay. Do you um a full-on hot flash? No, yeah, I would have a hot, I would have a hot standing, like if you're sitting here, it would come over. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:37

It has happened to me through this process where I would just be like, oh my God. I would um, I would sit or actually put my front side on the register with the air conditioning blowing up. And I have um, not you know, remembering I have this here. I literally have a portable fan when I was playing mahjong outside this summer. It was super hot here. Uh-huh. I had the fan on three, four, or five. And I have to say, everybody um originally was very no, they were very like, you've robbed a fan. No, it was fine. Okay. But then people are like, oh, can I borrow? You saw them. They were dripping sweat down.

SPEAKER_00 11:14

Well, we do play for those of you that want to know. Jen taught me how to play mahjong. And um, I we do play in a mahjong group, and um sometimes we do play outside and it is hot. Yeah, and this summer particularly.

SPEAKER_02 11:26

And we play with women who are all in this frame.

SPEAKER_00 11:30

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:30

Well, now we have 30s, we have some youngsters 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, and 80s that all play mahjong. Which is so fun. So cool, but definitely some people who are hot. Yes, yes, for sure, for sure. So that was, I would say breast soreness and hot and and mood, clarity slash do you mean brain rage? Brain fog. No, I did not have I didn't have a little bit of foggy. I have a little bit, I'll forget words and stuff like that. But is that brain? I never really understood what brain fog meant, actually. I don't really know what that means. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 12:03

Before I was on HRT, I really forgot stuff.

SPEAKER_02 12:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 12:07

Like not forgetting stuff, but forgetting just like words. Like I would talk and I'd be like, what's that word? What's what's the word I'm looking for?

SPEAKER_02 12:13

Wait, so you're talking about you went on hormone replacement therapy.

SPEAKER_00 12:16

Yes, that is HRT. Yes. And you now can remember words? Well, it's just not as preval. Sometimes I'll still have it'll still have a little bit of brain fog, but it helps. I think obviously because there are estrogen receptors all over your body. It started in November. Okay. So we're on month four right now. Um, and it's life-changing. I it's completely life-changing. It's uh the estrogen patch. What are you on? So I'm on it's the generic estradiol. Oh, estradiol. Um, and it is 0.05 milligrams. And um, for those of you that don't know or are interested, it's a little patch. It's very small, it's like this big. Mine comes in circle that big. Sometimes it comes in a circle that it's like a dot. Like that. Mine's this big. Oh, yours is bigger. Okay. And then mine. Um, and then sometimes it comes in like a little rectangle, and um, you put it on twice a week. Um, and you have to rotate around the body where you put it. Your abdomen usually is where you put it on. So, like right now, mine is on my lower right abdomen. So you go like right, left, right, left. I go right left. And then you go all the way around. Well, I go right, left, right, left because um I can't see back behind. So I get nervous, I'll stick it on wrong or something, but I should try because they say you should rotate it around. Um, so I do that and then I take um progesterone at night to sleep. Is that a pill? Yes, it is. And that's a little circle too. It looks like um the sweet, the candy sweet tarts that our kids used to sleep, that kids used to eat. Um, and it's just one. I just take a hundred milligrams. Okay. I am on I brought it. Yes, you did.

SPEAKER_02 13:58

Um hold on. Yes, put them on. Put them on. It's I think it's combo patch. I just it just came to me. Mine didn't help so much with finding the words. No, I'm really combo patch. I'm at 0.5 milligrams.

SPEAKER_00 14:11

Okay, yeah, me too.

SPEAKER_02 14:12

Okay. So I I too change. But yours is a combo of what? Yeah, it's um patch.

SPEAKER_00 14:20

But isn't it both estrogen and progress? Progesterone. So I think you don't take yours orally at night. You take it in. I don't take orally.

SPEAKER_02 14:28

And I think the thing that is so annoying, and one of the things that one of the reasons I wanted to talk about this stuff on a podcast is that like not because we're taking different things, but we all have different symptoms. We have care, not caregivers, not yet. Um doctors, doctors, yeah, telling us caregivers, doctors, the the different things about our symptoms and how to treat them. We're still of the generation where we're told that HRT is bad for us and it's gonna cause cervical cancer or breast cancer or both or whatever, right? Yes. Yes. And so we're now re-educating ourselves, and some doctors are helping, but some aren't.

SPEAKER_00 15:09

No, mine definitely didn't. Yeah. Like I told you I went and I mistakenly followed him. He put me on the birth control pill because of my symptoms. And I your parametopausal symptoms, he put you on birth control. Correct. He said this will help. And that is one of the things I've been reading, and I talked to my uh my new doctor, and she was like, No, you know, don't you, because that that literally does nothing. They're um not what it bioidentical, they're not bioidentical hormones, they're synthetic. So it's totally so I was on it and I stayed on it for a year because I wanted it to work so bad. That was, I think, my biggest mistake. Like I should have got, I shouldn't, I a, I shouldn't have gone on birth control because I'm in my 50s. But two, I shouldn't have stayed on as long because it made me feel yuckier. Like it made me that that blah, it made me feel more blah. But your doctor told you it was gonna solve what you were feeling, which is the he also told me that I couldn't have any perimenopause symptoms because I was on the birth control pill. And that's when I said, not true. Wow. I know from my research that's not true. I was having still having every perimenopause symptom. So that's when I came home, cried to my husband, and he was like, Okay, let's figure this out. So I feel like it's one of those things we're all getting different answers. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:30

And it's I feel like we should at maybe some point bring a doctor who understands HRT. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 16:36

Because I don't, I mean, I still don't fully, I know how it made me feel. You know how it makes you feel like when you're on it. Yes. Like, and it makes you feel better. Better, but and it makes you feel like a real person again, but you don't, I don't really understand all the things that's going on. I'm not a good thing.

SPEAKER_02 16:50

And why are you taking the why are you on a different one? Why are you taking progesterone in a pill form versus right?

SPEAKER_00 16:56

There is an age difference though, so maybe that's part of it, or maybe that's why, or maybe is that what your doctor prefers to prescribe? Or is it what you know? And that's what I think. I mean, therein lies a whole nother issue in the world. And maybe we do have to talk about it another time, we for sure.

SPEAKER_01 17:10

We for sure. And we will.

SPEAKER_02 17:11

Yeah, and we will. But let me just say, I think it's really important for all of us to understand that HRT has well, it's changed my life. Well, so much changed my life. So much and to talk to whoever you're talking to right now, your doctor, whoever prescribes this, if it's right for you, what form is right for you. Yes, and whatever symptoms you're having, know that it's valid. You are having symptoms, you are going through this because none of us escape it. But we, you know, we need to understand. I waited years to go on HRT, you waited years to go on HRT because we were scared. We need to know.

SPEAKER_00 17:50

Yeah, we need to Well, and we were uneducated, right? Right. But we were misseducated and educated. And now we I feel like we know so much that it's like, what do we what do we do now? No, really. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:02

I mean that's basically what we're doing with everything in our life. What do we do now?

SPEAKER_00 18:06

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 18:07

We will definitely talk about this again. But in the meantime, subscribe so you can be part of this conversation. We would love to hear if you guys are on HRT, if it's working for you, what your perimenopause symptoms were.

SPEAKER_00 18:20

Or if you're not, or if you're not on HRT, like what are you doing? Like to help. And is it working?

SPEAKER_02 18:24

Yeah. And who are you going to? Yes. There's there are so many things to talk about. We will definitely continue this conversation. But yes, for now, for now, you're dismissed. You're dismissed.

SPEAKER_00 18:40

The best part of building this community is connecting and engaging with you, the listeners and viewers. We want this to be a conversation. So please, we want to hear from you. You can reach us on all the socials at the dismiss podcast on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, or YouTube. If you want to email us, send it to thedismisspodcast at gmail.com. We hope to hear from you. You're dismissed.