Down There and All Things Vaginal.

Okay. We’re going Down There.

In this episode, Jeni and Amy talk vaginas and what happens to our pelvic floors in midlife.  

We kick things off with our shared post‑pandemic impatience — why do manicures feel like a hostage situation now? Why are jeans staging a full invasion into “vagina lane”?

Jeni’s grandma, Venus, calls it down there.  Amy’s mom calls the entire area her bottom.

Let’s talk about VAGINAS:

Vaginal dryness. 

Painful sex. 

Hormone replacement therapy (HRT).

Vaginal estrogen cream and now needing lube. 

Leakage - like peeing when we don’t mean to.

UTIs, urinary frequency, bladder prolapse.

Pelvic floor therapy after childbirth — years of exercises that did absolutely nothing for leakage — before but there is an answer! Just ask Jeni.

Women are dismissed when we bring this stuff up to doctors.

This episode is honest. It’s funny. It’s uncomfortable. It’s liberating.

If you’ve ever wondered, “Is this normal?” — you are not alone.

Let’s talk about it.

On socials at: @thedismissedpodcast

Write to us at: thedismissedpodcast@gmail.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:03

Hi, I'm Jenny, and I'm Amy, and this is dismissed.

SPEAKER_00 0:10

We are former stay-at-home moms who quit our careers to raise our only children. Now we've been dismissed from our duties as carpoolers, dance moms, and birthday party throwers. And we're trying to figure out our empty nest lives. Each week, we're having unserious but raw conversations about what is going on with our bodies, minds, and lives. Okay. So let's talk about it. Welcome to the Dismissed Podcast. I'm Jenny. And I'm Amy. We're really excited to talk about a topic I'm going to call down there. Down there. Which is what my grandma Venus called it. All things vaginal. And actually that whole area. That whole area. Because my mom calls that area her bottom. Oh. Okay. We're going to get to that in a second, but I have to tell you something. Yeah. I um several times thought about my nails peeling off right now as it's doing. Oh, do you have a nail polish on? No. Oh. And I was like, I should get a you know manicure so it looks good on the podcast. Uh-huh. I twice called to make an appointment and canceled it because I cannot think about actually going and sitting in that chair for 40 minutes. I know. While they pick at my nails. I know. The scented lotion they put on my hands for a massage, you know. Uh-huh. And then they have to wash it off. Yes. It's like five minutes for no pleasure.

SPEAKER_01 1:41

I I feel like after the pandemic, I have been 100% annoyed with manicures and pedicures. Really? I quit getting them. Yeah, me too.

SPEAKER_00 1:49

Actually. I'm not ADHD that I know of or ADD or whatever the correct one is.

SPEAKER_01 1:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:53

That I know of. But I almost feel like this time of life has pushed me into. Yes. I I can't sit for a long time.

SPEAKER_01 2:00

I think that's what it is.

SPEAKER_00 2:02

And what about and does it bug you when they touch your nails?

SPEAKER_01 2:04

Like when you're filing or um, because all I don't even pay attention to that because all I can think about is hurry up. Like I just want out. Me too. I want out of the nail salon. So bringing back plain nail. We're bringing back so here we have our nails. We're bringing it back.

SPEAKER_00 2:16

We're bringing it back. And now we can move to a different body area. Yes. Because I really want to talk about Venus Johnson, my Johnson Evans, my grandma Venus. That was her real name. Um by the way, amazing mate. Right? Amazing. She was so cute. She was like five feet tall, always wore a bun, like a librarian bun. Yes. One of the first women to ever get a master's degree at Northern Illinois University. Oh, Venus. Rest her soul. Uh she died on Good Friday. So we always honor on that day. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 2:45

Um, anyway, I just thought it was so funny growing up. Yeah. She, you know, I didn't understand, but she would refer to something. Um she ended up having something happen down there. Down there. Well, it turned out she was spraying some sort of perfume. Stop. Down there. And she got irritated.

SPEAKER_01 3:06

But oh wait, why is she spraying perfume down there?

SPEAKER_00 3:09

I don't think. I mean, and she's so proper. You know she was like clean. Right. I think it was a different time. I don't know. Right. But it made me think about everything that is going on down there that we don't talk about. 100%. And first of all, something's happening right now that wasn't going to be part of the topic, but right jeans are going.

SPEAKER_01 3:29

They go in. They're going up to down there. They're going up to your private's. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 3:33

Yeah, not my butt.

SPEAKER_01 3:34

No, your private front. Yes. Your front. My down there. Yeah. No, that here's the problem is no matter what kind of jeans, if you get the stretchy jeans, if you get the if you get the the hard jeans, which my nephew used to call all the hard pants. Okay. If you get the hard pants, the rigid pants, you get the stretchy pants. And even if you get a sweatpant for an athletic wear pant, you're still, it's still riding up the private area.

SPEAKER_00 3:57

Okay. Somebody needs to make a pant that doesn't have the seam right in the vagina lane.

SPEAKER_01 4:03

Where could the seam be then?

SPEAKER_00 4:05

And that's another issue. Well, that's for somebody else to come up with.

SPEAKER_01 4:07

Yes, and literally something has to happen.

SPEAKER_00 4:10

I did not know that happened to other people. I honestly thought like I might have something wrong. No. No, I'm not joking down there. Like you were long down there? Or you were like Or like I don't want to say.

SPEAKER_01 4:22

No, like Oh, I don't want to say what I was thinking. No, but you're thinking, like literally because I thought maybe I thought, yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 4:30

So here's the thing is they need to make I love wait. Hold on. We have to listen to the expert.

SPEAKER_01 4:35

You're like, here's the thing. Here's the thing. You tell me. They need to make jeans that are more comfortable, which they have. I mean, they're more stretchy now. Think about when we grew up. They were just hard. Yeah. They were hard. And they always went up our privates. Like, and we didn't think twice.

SPEAKER_00 4:49

We used to think about it. That's why I thought it might have something to do with metaphors. I pulled jeans out of my privates. I I'm not, I don't know. Maybe I didn't notice before.

SPEAKER_01 4:57

Maybe you just weren't paying attention. But here's the thing we are, we have been sitting, so I feel like they're con that's. No, but I feel this way. Here's the other thing that we realized today, you guys, and you tell us what you think about this. We realized today that we dress for when we're standing up. So like when you're looking at an outfit on you, you're standing in front of a mirror and you're standing and you're like, oh, this looks good. I'm out. Let's go. But you do then you sit and you don't realize what you I mean, first of all, you're super uncomfortable because you're wearing jeans, which that are going up down there. Going up your privates. And but then second of all, you don't realize what you look like when you're sitting. I never have ever, ever, ever paid attention to that. Ever.

SPEAKER_00 5:43

It's not good. No. I felt so good before I sat down.

unknown 5:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:48

In so many ways. I specifically told her I said I specifically had the out an outfit on, and I was like, I sat in my daughter's room because she's the only one that has a full-length mirror. And I looked at it and I sat down on her stool and I was like, what is happening? Like nobody we we never look at each look look at each other when we're and if we're sitting, we're sitting at our famous lunch place, summer house.

SPEAKER_00 6:11

With a table in between. Yeah. So it's like, yes, look great. Look great. Yes. Okay, so don't look from here down. Never. And um, I'm gonna go back down to down there. Down there. So down there things changed in per perimenopause. Yes. Which is when I thought I started getting irritated by the pants. But I can I talk about this? Yes, you can. Okay, okay. I had no moisture down there.

SPEAKER_01 6:40

Right. You told me that. Yeah, none.

SPEAKER_00 6:42

Like no discharge anymore. Um, and I guess that's some things were good because I didn't have, I wasn't sweating as much. So like I guess I was drying up. Oh dismissed.

SPEAKER_01 6:53

Dismissed. That's so that is like another thing.

SPEAKER_00 6:55

Like you're just my skin was super dry all the time. Right. I remember telling you that at some lunch. So dry. She probably already noticed before then, but no, I did not.

SPEAKER_01 7:04

I did not.

SPEAKER_00 7:05

And I had it was dry, so therefore, bad sex too. It hurt. Shouldn't say bad sex. It was uncomfortable. It was so much. It was uncomfortable. Like glass was broken inside.

SPEAKER_01 7:20

I've heard that before. I don't have to try. But I feel like a lot of people say that. And that's like some, and I feel like people talk about doing like the vaginal estrogen. I started with that.

SPEAKER_00 7:30

Yeah, but I think that and do you continue to do it with the well with the patch or this is what happened to me. I told first of all, it came out of nowhere. And I was like, oh, like I never had that. Right. And then I thought, like, oh, I have something going again. What's going on down there? What's going on down there? Down there. What's going on? So then I in some months, a month or two, I did mention it. Oh, you should be. First of all, my doctor, I have to say, did tell me then I should be on HRT. I kind of love that. But kind of she gave me the no, I went to Parrot Menopause RX. It's like a you call them. Oh, yeah. They sent me vaginal cream, which I knew other people were on that. And that did help a lot. And they told you to get Astroglide. Like the glidiest of the glide lube. So I did both those things, and it was better within a really short period of time.

SPEAKER_01 8:26

Okay, so it solved it.

SPEAKER_00 8:28

But I have to tell you, when I went on HRT, a chunk of months later, took me a good chunk to say yes to that because I was still nervous. Um completely went back to normal.

SPEAKER_01 8:42

Yes. And felt great again. You know what though? No pain. That's what I think nobody's talking about is how um how and I only know I'm I'm not a doctor, and I obviously my doctor didn't educate me on this, but I've learned so much from reading is that we have estrogen receptors in every part of our body, being women. Okay. So every part of our body is affected by the up and down estrogen or the declining estrogen. So it makes sense that everything, everything. Our eyes are getting dry, our ear ears are itchy, our prives are you know dry. Like that makes perfect sense because everything else is getting is is getting affected by it.

SPEAKER_00 9:21

Yeah. Okay. You know? That makes sense. And just thank God for HRT because it completely changed the environment down there. It totally did. And um the a lot of us are also having like other stuff going on down there, like prolapsing.

SPEAKER_01 9:39

Yes, or like urinary tract infections and stuff.

SPEAKER_00 9:42

Yeah, like or um peeing ourselves. A lot of people are peeing ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 9:49

That has so correct me if I'm wrong, prolaps, a prolapse bladder, it's when it like drops, right? Right. The like bladder is coming either pushing down or actually coming trapping. Dropping. Okay, so that's this is what I want to tell you. Okay. So my mom called me one time. We were just on the phone. She's like, you know what? I don't know. Something, I just feel like something's coming out of my bottom. And you know, I'm on the phone. I she's in Indiana, I'm in here in Chicago. And I was like, what do you mean? Your bottom. Because that's it. And because growing up, like that's what she would she would just call your bottom area everything. She didn't really talk about all the other stuff. So wait, she so down there was bottom. Down there equaled bottom. Okay. So I was like, what do you mean your bottom? She's like, you know, my bottom, my bottom area. And I'm like, no, no, describe what do you mean? Your vagina or your butt? Yeah. Your butt hole. Like, tell me. She's like, well, it's really pushing down on my bottom area. And I'm like, no, I need to know. Because if you're is it so anyway, long story short, it came that she had a prolapse bladder. So she had to get the netting in it. And um, sorry, mom, if I'm telling you. I know, I was just gonna say, does she know? No, but I'll tell her. Okay. Um, but but the thing is, is like, um, but she did call that area her bottom area, and you have to differentiate. But here's the thing, she is older, so but it's probably been in the works for a long time. Yeah. Like, you know, and I mean I have frequency issues. I go all the time. Okay. So I was leaking. You were but like only when you were walking, or was it all the time?

SPEAKER_00 11:21

Well, ever since I gave birth, I um the children do it every day. No, really, yeah. And um, I had internal physical therapy to stop the leakage. I've done that too for frequency. Yeah, that's really uncomfortable. Well, it's awkward. It's awkward. Biofeedback didn't work to stop me leaking. Uh-huh. And so it would be when I would sneeze, cough. How about this? Walking and step off a curb.

SPEAKER_01 11:47

Because you're going down.

SPEAKER_00 11:48

Stop. Because I guess you're I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 11:51

Yes, uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 11:51

But um were you wearing like little panty liners? No, it was like it was gonna go away, is what I thought. Okay, but I worked for seven years. I tried everything weights, kegels, all none of it worked. I guess it was just past that point. Um so I had TVT surgery. Okay, but before I decided to have the surgery, I was leaking to the point where I had to wear a pad, not just a panty liner.

SPEAKER_01 12:17

A pad. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 12:18

So it wasn't just coughing. Um and yeah, it was just it's so demoralizing.

SPEAKER_01 12:24

It is because you're thinking, like, I you're like you just said, I thought it was gonna go away. Right. And I think that's another thing people don't talk about. They dismiss, they dismiss you. No, really. They they they're like, it's okay, do these exercises. And you said, I mean, seven years you were committed.

SPEAKER_00 12:38

Yeah, and doing internal and doing weights and doing kegels and doing Yes, like you had 25 million things you were doing. Chiropractor was working all on the like muscles above to see if it was could release the tension. Right, right. Yeah, it's it sucked. And when I finally I did not want to have surgery, that scares me. Of course. So and you had what's it called? It's called TVT. Okay. Transvaginal to something. Okay, and I don't know if they do it the same. This was over 10 years ago, not more than 10 years ago. So um, but I have to tell you, I don't leak at all, at all, nothing changed my life. Oh, I'm sure it did. Yeah, I'm sure it did. Yeah, it was just that was the best thing I could ever do. Like, do not wait seven years. Don't wait, don't wait, get that done. I'm not one to say, like, get surgery, but get the surgery.

SPEAKER_01 13:29

No, but it's along the same lines though. We spend so much time, like it's the same lines as like this perimenopause stuff. Like, you you start to feel these symptoms and you're like trying everything. Like, do I take a vitamin? Do I do this? Or do I take um melatonin not to sleep if we're not sleeping? You try all these things and then years go by and nothing is fixed. So it's like you like years went by and nothing was fixed, and nobody's telling you, you know what? It's because XYZ, you need to do this, and then that will work. And I think that that's the same thing.

SPEAKER_00 14:01

And why was my OBGYN not saying oh, you're past the point of internal? Like maybe they just don't know. Yes. But also, I just feel like nobody, you know, not to bring up dismissed again, but they do sort of dismiss you. It's like, oh, well, you had your baby. These other issues, you know, you'll deal with we don't quite know what they are, we don't know how to fix them, or even if we do, we don't know when to send you to get them fixed. Like nobody's telling you there's yeah, there's definitely not one place to go, let alone searching and not.

SPEAKER_01 14:32

Right. And I feel like now, now I feel like more than ever. I grew up trusting doctors. Like a doctor said it, I would follow it to a T. Like some of my friends laughed because if if I, you know, if I'm sick or something, I will do everything that I'm supposed to do. Like I'm supposed to take the vitamin C, I'm supposed to do this, I will absolutely do all that. And then this experience, like with perimenopause and doctors not listening to you, you or not hearing you, or just dismissing your symptoms and stuff. I have started second guessing everything. And I feel like now I'm educating myself, which not that I wouldn't before, I would educate myself, but now I'm fully in it. Like I know more, I feel like definitely than my doctor did at that point. And I feel like that's not something I grew up thinking. I really grew up thinking that doctors knew everything.

SPEAKER_00 15:25

Compliant. Yes, and compliant, yes, that's the best word. That there was no person pushing me toward a solution. It was there was some of it like almost back on me a little bit. That you figured out well, if you can just squeeze your muscles more. If you could have done that before having a child, well, no, you know, sometimes I think some of it is just anatomy, who you are.

SPEAKER_01 15:48

And now you're after the fact. So you're like, I already had my child. Like, I I now we're here. Like, I know if I would have done that, maybe it would have helped, maybe it wouldn't have.

SPEAKER_00 15:56

I'm I can't I can't support that. No, I don't think it was my fault. Any of this?

SPEAKER_01 16:01

Well, I don't think so either, but I'm saying what they're thinking, you know, and I'm and I now I'm getting pissed. No, you're having a PMO. I'm a little PMO. That's your PMO for tonight. But I get it though. It's like one of the things. I'm getting very irritated right now. Do you have a rage?

SPEAKER_00 16:17

No, I'm more no, it's because all these people that we listened to in how many years did it take for some of these issues to be addressed down there? We went from grandma Venus down there to the bottom by the name. And then whatever. Okay. We'll definitely talk more.

SPEAKER_01 16:37

But do you want to do you before we do anything, do you want to hear my PMO? I do want to hear. Like a real well-formed PMO. That wasn't in the moment. No, that was a real that was well-formed. So my um PMO mo my I'm the most PMO'd right now with um the mail. Oh, what mail? Does it actually get delivered? Exactly. So the Chicago mail is crazy. It does not come ever. Like if people send me something, I'll be like, just so you know, I'll probably get it in a couple weeks. Like I won't get it. Like normal, like I can send you something, like someone, like if I send something down to Indiana to my family, they'll get it. But if they send it here, if they send it here, I will not receive it. And then the post office, I don't step foot in one post office anymore. Whereas I used to. I used to try, I will not do it anymore. I hear you. Because I'm I can't. Like because I feel like our city's worst. It has to be. Something's up.

SPEAKER_00 17:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:36

I don't know what it is. I don't either. And I feel like I don't know. Like, and I love my mail carrier. Like, I love him. He's amazing. He's so friendly, but he does they don't come. Like he doesn't come. Or if he doesn't come, even the person that's subbing for him doesn't come. Like there'll be days I open my mailbox and I do not get one lick of mail. Yes. So mine sounds like okay, no mail today.

SPEAKER_00 17:58

Yeah, now I have flyers. Everything is direct mail. Nothing. I yes. I ordered a um city sticker. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. You'll get a mail, which I've been doing for years. Never got it. Never get it. You know, you have to go wait in line.

SPEAKER_01 18:10

Yes. I mean, that's the DMV, which with that's another PMO moment. But the post the literally the mail, the Chicago mail, that it just P PMO'd me. I'm with you.

SPEAKER_00 18:20

I support that PMO.

SPEAKER_01 18:21

Okay, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 18:22

All right. Thank you. So we're gonna wrap it up. We would love for you all to subscribe, uh, like the podcast wherever you're watching us, and also reach out to us. Let us know what you want to talk about. Let us know if you have any issues down there you want us to address. Or in your bottom. Yes. Your mom. You better tell your mom. Oh, I'm gonna tell my mom. So you can reach us via email at thedismisspodcast at gmail.com. You can find us on all the platforms.

SPEAKER_01 18:50

You can find us on Spotify, iHeart, um, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, YouTube, or wherever you listen to your podcast.

SPEAKER_00 18:58

Yay! And we're on TikTok and all the social medias at uh the dismiss podcast. Yes. So we hope to see you back here again. Again, comment, subscribe, like, review us, anything you can say we want to hear. Yep. All right, you're dismissed. You're dismissed.

SPEAKER_01 19:19

The best part of building this community is connecting and engaging with you, the listeners and viewers. We want this to be a conversation. So please, we want to hear from you. You can reach us on all the socials at the dismiss podcast on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, or YouTube. If you want to email us, send it to thedismisspodcast at gmail.com. We hope to hear from you. You're dismissed.