College Prep for Parents

College preparation isn’t just for the kids — parents need prep too. 

In this episode Jeni and Amy get real about surviving college applications, managing the stress of waiting for decisions, and not tying your identity to where your child gets into college. They talk only‑child emotions, the empty nest transition, and why building your own next chapter — therapy, new routines, Mahjong, pickleball, better friendships — matters just as much as dorm packing lists. 

And of course, they end with a fiery PMO: perimenopause road rage. 

If you’re parenting teens, staring down senior year, or navigating perimenopause in your 40s and 50s, this episode will make you feel seen. Follow, comment, and send it to your favorite midlife mom friend.

Write to us at: thedismissedpodcast@gmail.com    

@thedismissedpodcast on all the socials.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Hi, I'm Jenny, and I'm Amy, and this is dismissed.

SPEAKER_01 0:10

We are former stay-at-home moms who quit our careers to raise our only children. Now we've been dismissed from our duties as carpoolers, dance moms, and birthday party throwers. And we're trying to figure out our empty nest lives. Each week, we're having unserious but raw conversations about what is going on with our bodies, minds, and lives. Okay. So let's talk about it. Okay. Welcome back to Dismissed. You guys, thank you so much for watching our first two three episodes. Oh my gosh. We got so many more views than we thought we would get. It's not just our four friends. Thank you so much for watching, commenting, liking, send us more information. Let us know what you want to cover. And I just want to say every time I was with anybody in our 40s, 50s, or 60s, which has been a lot over the past few weeks. Yeah, everybody wanted to talk about it and they wanted to talk about what was going on with them. Whether it was about their down there or about their PMO, the pissed me off.

SPEAKER_00 1:19

Or about like periomenopause or menopause. Everybody has a story. Everybody.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

And we are all dying to talk about it like we were.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:27

So I'm super happy.

SPEAKER_00 1:28

Everybody wants to talk about it.

SPEAKER_01 1:30

I'm just like, we're we're just gonna keep doing this. I hope people keep listening because we're loving seeing your feedback and having these conversations. This is what we wanted. Yes, 100%. Oh, I'm so excited. Okay. So today we are gonna talk about for this is you know, for some of the younger audience too. It's college prep. Basically, we think about taking care of our kids, getting their lists together, making sure they get into the school they want to get into, all that stuff, and we aren't thinking about us. What yeah, do you want to talk about what you did to prep?

SPEAKER_00 2:01

Okay, let me tell you what I did originally. A friend uh that a mom friend that I met in high school created a list um of the things that her child took while she went to college. So I took that list and created my own list for, and along with um my daughter, we created a list together of all the things that she would need, which was great. Um, we did all of that. But then on my side to take care of myself, I also went into therapy to like help me with you know the separation anxiety of everything. So I feel like it's a twofold thing. You're so excited for them and you want them to go on this adventure, but at the same time, it's hard, it's hard on the parents, and it's hard and it's really hard on the mom.

SPEAKER_01 2:51

It's really hard, it's really hard.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

And and it's still hard. I have a junior in college, and it's still hard, it's still hard to leave.

SPEAKER_01 3:00

It and I said this in a previous episode, it's harder on me the second year than it was the first year.

SPEAKER_00 3:05

Yeah, you said that.

SPEAKER_01 3:06

So um, I luckily had you a year ahead of me with your daughter, as we said in the first episode. And so that helped me. And I did plan. I think I gotta step up because I listened to you. So I started going to mindfulness a couple years before then, but about a year before, a mindfulness coach. A year before that, I started um really focusing on setting up my life for what that was gonna look like when my daughter went to school.

SPEAKER_00 3:35

That's what it is. It's setting up your life for after they leave. That and nobody I know my my mom didn't talk to me about this. Like my friends told me what it would be like, you know, getting her ready and like getting and what it's gonna be like when you move her in and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But nobody told you to set up your life and like figure out what you were gonna do with all of that time and all of that empty space.

SPEAKER_01 4:04

Yep, yep. And I think there's only so much you can prep. True. So what I did was I did this mindfulness coach, then I also um started to teach Maj at the leaky club, where we work out and play Maj. I was looking to create community for myself outside of my current group um and looking for somebody who wasn't so focused on my daughter and um or didn't know me from being a mom to my daughter.

SPEAKER_00 4:40

That's it too, because you're you are so used to being around all the people. Like in your life, are these mom friends or friends that know you as your daughter's mom. And you have this community of people because you grew up with them too, that were maybe in elementary school, maybe some of them were in high school, and then all of a sudden, like you don't really have you do have your select few, which we'll talk right. We're gonna talk about friends later.

SPEAKER_01 5:07

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 5:08

Another episode friends, um, but you have that community, and I feel like the it's you just wanted to, especially in your case, you just wanted to be in a space where people didn't know you as your daughter's mom.

SPEAKER_01 5:22

Right. You know and to help me. Yes. Uh so I did do that. That worked out very well. We got we've talked about the mahjong community before that it has many decades involved. I I love the game of mahjong. We're gonna do at least a little bit more talk about mahjong. And um, it got me to spend more time with you two because you learned how to play. And then um I made some friends I started playing pickleball with, then I made more friends at the pickleball place.

SPEAKER_00 5:50

Yes, you're so good about that. You did pickleball and you did um did you did you mahjong really? Mahjong, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:57

It was really mahjong and pickleball for me.

SPEAKER_00 5:58

That led to it, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:00

Yeah. And um, I also have to say that I started looking at my friendships with a little bit of a sharper eye, where I was gonna put my energy. And um again, I'm not gonna get into that too deeply, but it was something I did for myself. The people who are supportive and loving and a two-way street friendship, I focused more my energy on them.

SPEAKER_00 6:24

And I think that time, that that timing of it, like the big transition timing. Your, you know, your daughter's going away to college is a big transition for you. It's a big transition transition transition for her. It's a big transition. It's a big transition for you and her. That's a a really good time to really reevaluate like who's in your life, the people in your life, what's going on in your life. And I feel like that's a that's the time that we all do it, you know.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

And I think some people, a lot of people wait until after. Like they don't do any prep, which again, like I'm not criticizing. I just think it really helped.

SPEAKER_00 7:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:07

Um, okay, so let me just step back for a second and talk about the kids for a second. You started to talk about the list.

SPEAKER_00 7:12

I'm gonna say the list.

SPEAKER_01 7:14

One of, and I used your list of things to bring to college. Um one of the things that I thought was really important for me was I was like, I'm not gonna get tied up in the college application process. My daughter wants to go where she wants to go. We're making her make a big enough list so that there are some options that might be a cheaper option than what she wanted and where she might get in versus where she may not. Yeah. But I was like, felt like I was doing pretty good emotionally. Whereas some parents are like every day like, where's your daughter going? Do you know where your daughter's going? Oh, my daughter got an early decision to. And their whole world revolves around where their kid goes to college.

SPEAKER_00 7:54

Yes. It's intense.

SPEAKER_01 7:55

Woohoo. You well, actually, I was gonna say you learn a lot about people, but those are the people you already knew.

SPEAKER_00 8:01

You already knew, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:03

But I made it really well, except my daughter um, I made it long time, being kind of cool and collected. You did internally and externally.

SPEAKER_00 8:13

You did.

SPEAKER_01 8:14

But my daughter applied to a lot of West Coast schools that don't come out until after.

SPEAKER_00 8:19

I knew you were gonna say, Yeah, I because I remember that time, and you were like, You were so fine. But then towards the end, you I could tell you're like calm on.

SPEAKER_01 8:28

I was twitching. Yeah, my daughter was twitching too.

SPEAKER_00 8:30

I would too.

SPEAKER_01 8:31

Yeah, all of her friends are getting, and she did get into some places, but they were all her like safety or places we made her apply to.

SPEAKER_00 8:37

Right.

SPEAKER_01 8:38

And when she when the California school started dropping, she got into her first California school at a dance competition. Yes. And she ran out and told me, and we jumped up and down. So fun. And this mom, other dance mom, took a video of us and didn't didn't know her, but she was like, give me your text, I'm gonna send you. I caught it all on video.

SPEAKER_00 9:00

That is so fun.

SPEAKER_01 9:01

So she didn't end up going to this school, but it was the first California, and she and we were both like, she was like, I'm going to school in California. And I was like, You're going to school in California. And then it was still rough waiting for the one she actually wanted. So yeah. And so like the day she got into where she ended up, she pressed the button. And there was like no um in-between page. So she was like, as she was walking down the stairs, she's like, I got in. Like she was, she thought she was like, right, right, right.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

That's hilarious.

SPEAKER_01 9:32

After all that, it was sort of like, oh, okay. And then it was like, oh my god, great. That's so funny. And um, yeah. So anyway, what I'm trying to say is all these people who are dealing, all of you who are dealing with the college process now, please give yourself, take a deep breath. Let yourself know that your kid ends up where they're supposed to be. It's all okay, and it's not a reflection on you. You're a great parent, no matter where your kid goes to college, and it all works out.

SPEAKER_00 10:00

Yes. And I think too, like it is their journey. So it's it's and there's so many options out there. Like, I think that that's the difference, especially coming from Chicago. The city high school situation is absolutely nuts. And you are applying, you apply to the school you want to go to, and that's the only school that you can go to for high school, sorry, that you can go to, and other schools don't take other people's tests, and you test private, you test Catholic private, you test public, you test independent. Like it's a cra it's a racket.

SPEAKER_01 10:34

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 10:35

So coming from that situation and then going on the college process, it's lovely because there are a million different schools that you can apply to. And on our end, the high school that my daughter went to, they wanted all of their students, all of their seniors to apply to at least 15 schools, which is ridiculous.

SPEAKER_01 10:56

15's a lot.

SPEAKER_00 10:57

That's that's silly. You get to the point after like three where you're like, do I really even want to go there? Do I really even want to do this? Um, and so we ended up, she ended up applying to only 11 because by the time, I mean, literally by the time we got to four, she was like, uh, and a lot of the technology and stuff makes it very easy. But um by that time, it's it's kind of fun because you're just like, oh, what about this school? And we had visited a ton of schools. Um, but it's a fun pro it's a fun process to go through. And it is if you make it fun and you realize that this is like something that they're choosing and you're supporting, and there's a million different options, you can make it fun. It doesn't have to be super intense. It really doesn't. No, and it really, to be quite honest, it doesn't matter where you go to college.

SPEAKER_01 11:49

I have a whole thing with college anyway, but like what? But also I didn't have a college experience that was that great. Like it was okay, but I think I like just had a lot of stuff come up then, and it just wasn't my daughter's having, you know, she rushed and she's in government the time of her life.

SPEAKER_00 12:08

The typical college experience, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:11

So, okay, so having said that, I wanted to say one more thing about my daughter specifically. Yes, because we have only kids, yes, and we're an emotional family on our end, and so she knew I was doing all this prep, and her dad was trying to figure out how he was gonna manage without her and all of that. And one day she was like, Are you and dad gonna be okay without me? That's really sweet, like it made me sort of gasp. And then I was like, Here I thought I was showing her, like, look at all this stuff I'm doing to set up. Yeah. And I was, but she saw it as, are you guys gonna be okay? Yeah. And I was like, Oh, honey, we're gonna be fine. Right. And we were married 11 years before we had you. Right. Like, yes, and we're gonna be fine. Yeah, yes, but it's a transition, and I'm just acknowledging it and trying to talk about it. I don't know, was that the right way to do it or not? I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 13:10

I think it was. I think you were really open with her. Like, I think that's a good way to be.

SPEAKER_01 13:14

You do.

SPEAKER_00 13:14

Yeah, unlike um my daughter, who just she was just like, bye, I'm out. Really? She was so excited, so excited. No, like nurse, she went to a school where nobody, she didn't know anybody, and she was ready to go. And she just jumped in, had the best time, still is having the best time, and loves it. She's had so many different experiences, and it's been great. It's it's it's been great, and that's what you want. It's those kind of things. I mean, uh my mom says, my well, my my nawny, my grandmother, yes, um, says, told my mom this, and my mom tells me this often. She's like, uh, you know what? You teach them to be independent, and god damn it, they do it. Oh and it's so true, like they absolutely do it.

SPEAKER_01 14:01

I'm gonna take a deep breath on that one. Like this is what we wanted. Yeah, we wanted them to go out and thrive. We did. They're thriving. Both our kids are thriving. Yes, yes, praise the Lord.

SPEAKER_00 14:12

Yes, yes, or whoever you worship and you teach them to be independent, and god damn it, they do it. And it's amazing. And no matter what your child's journey is, if it is college or if it is the workforce or if it's a trade or anything like that, it is obviously you're supporting them through that the whole entire time, but it is a transition for them and for you. And it's something that needs to be acknowledged. Nobody talks about it.

SPEAKER_01 14:43

No. My last message on college prep though is everyone's gonna be fine. Your kids are gonna be fine, you're gonna be fine. Take a deep breath, chill out, don't listen to other people. No, okay. Now back to PMO.

SPEAKER_00 14:55

And don't have any rage.

SPEAKER_01 14:57

We're gonna now talk about our PMO moment. Yes. Our piss me off moment, PMO. Shout out to my daughter who coined the term and gave it to me and you. Right.

SPEAKER_00 15:08

Piss me off.

SPEAKER_01 15:09

I'm gonna just talk in general about people driving.

SPEAKER_00 15:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 15:13

Everyone on the road pisses me off. Everyone. No, I'm not joking. I understand that though. Why are people hey, I'm hitting the balloons behind me. If you're listening, there's a huge balloon wall full of peach celebratory balloons. Yes. I'm hitting them by mistake. I just get road rage to another level in paramenopause.

SPEAKER_00 15:32

Is it immediately when you get in the car? It's immediate. So you get in the car and you're ready. I'm ready.

SPEAKER_01 15:37

I'm like, I'm mad at anybody driving too fast, too slow.

SPEAKER_00 15:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 15:42

Don't turn their signal on. And I'm using swear words like, oh yeah, don't, you know, do do. Yes. Like I know better. And I catch myself, and it goes against self-regulation and mindfulness.

SPEAKER_00 15:53

I love that you use the term self-regulation because that's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 15:57

It really helps. That's really just not in the car.

SPEAKER_00 16:00

Just not just not in the car. And here's the thing is that we live in a city, so there are crazy drivers. Like they are nuts. They do all different things that you wouldn't do in a regular scenario. Like I go home to see my family in small town Indiana, and literally, like, it's just like you just mosey down in the street. You stop at the stop sign. You don't ever go around anybody, like you're not running a yellow, like none of that. Nobody's turning on right in when it's right on red. Really? Oh no. So here it's a all the rules are way different. It's a shitstorm. It is. It's a free-for-all. So I understand. Me first. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 16:40

And okay. So that's my PMO. We're gonna wrap up. Please join us again on Dismissed and please comment. Tell us, like, wait, like, subscribe, comment, and tell us what you want to talk about or what you did to help prep for your kid going to college for either your child or for you. How you dealt with it.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

Yeah. And you can follow us on our socials, TikTok, Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube at thedismisspodcast.

SPEAKER_01 17:06

And you can shoot us an email at thedismisspodcast at gmail.com. In the meantime, you're dismissed.

SPEAKER_00 17:13

You're dismissed.

SPEAKER_01 17:18

The best part of building this community is connecting and engaging with you, the listeners and viewers. We want this to be a conversation. So we want to hear from you. You can reach us on all the socials at the dismiss podcast. That's Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, and YouTube. And if you want to email us, send it to thedesmisspodcast at gmail.com. We hope to hear from you. You're dismissed.