The Truth About Healing Podcast

Episode 8: Leadership Through Healing with Dave Reggina

• Dana Carretta-Stein • Season 1 • Episode 8

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 1:02:47

What if the best leadership lesson isn't learned in a boardroom but in a therapist's office?

In this powerful episode of The Truth About Healing, Dana sits down with leadership coach, bestselling author, podcast host, and founder of Action Cultivates Excellence (ACE), Dave Reggina, for an honest conversation about trauma, healing, leadership, fatherhood, and becoming the person you needed when you were younger.

Dave shares his deeply personal journey, from growing up in a home filled with addiction and chaos, to battling Crohn's disease as a teenager, struggling in relationships, and eventually discovering how therapy transformed every area of his life.

Together, Dana and Dave explore how unresolved trauma impacts leadership, why emotional intelligence is a strength-not a weakness-and what it truly means to break generational patterns.

This conversation is raw, relatable, and filled with practical wisdom for leaders, parents, entrepreneurs, therapists, and anyone committed to becoming a healthier version of themselves.

-----------------------------

📘 30 Lessons to Lead: From Breakdowns to Breakthroughs
Available at:
https://www.daveregina.com

🎁 Exclusive Listener Offer
Use code DanaEMDR at www.daveregina.com for 50% off Dave's book.

📍 Follow Dave:
Instagram: @daveregg
Website: www.davereggina.com

Learn more about Action Cultivates Excellence (ACE) and their leadership events, coaching, and workshops through Dave's website and social media.

--------------------------------

In This Episode, We Discuss:

✔️ How childhood experiences shape the leaders we become

✔️ Dave's journey through addiction in his family, Crohn's disease, divorce, and healing

✔️ Why therapy changed the trajectory of his life

✔️ The connection between emotional intelligence and leadership

✔️ Why vulnerability is one of the greatest strengths a leader can have

✔️ Parenting through connection instead of fear

✔️ The role of discipline, faith, and personal responsibility in growth

✔️ Why movement, fitness, and personal development became catalysts for healing

✔️ How podcasting helped Dave transform his mindset and purpose

✔️ Why authenticity always outperforms perfection

✔️ How to recognize when your ego is protecting old wounds

✔️ What it really means to lead at home, at work, and in the mirror


One of the most powerful messages from this episode:

Your past may explain your patterns but it doesn't have to define your future.


Subscribe, follow, and turn on notifications so you never miss a new episode of The Truth About Healing.

---------------------------------------

Work With Peaceful Living Mental Health Counseling

Whether you're struggling with anxiety, trauma, burnout, relationship challenges, or feeling stuck in survival mode, our team is here to help.

📍 In-Person Therapy: Scarsdale, NY

💻 Virtual Therapy: Available for residents of NY, NJ, CT, FL & CO

📅 Learn more or schedule a consultation:
www.peacefullivingmhc.com


Additional Resources

🧠 EMDR Resources for Clinicians & Clients
www.danacarretta.com/shop

🛠️ Recommended Therapy Tools, Regulation Resources & EMDR Systems for Clinicians
www.danacarretta.com/therapytools

🎁 Free Nervous System Resources
www.danacarretta.com/free


Loved This Episode?

⭐ Follow The Truth About Healing for weekly conversations that make healing make sense.

⭐ Leave a review and share this episode with a leader, entrepreneur, parent, therapist, or anyone working to break old patterns and become the healthiest version of themselves.

⭐ Tag Dana (@the_emdr_coach) and Dave (@daveregg) on Instagram and let us know your biggest takeaway.

Because healing gets easier when we stop doing it alone. 💛

-----------------------------------

Want to Respond to This Episode or Ask a Question?

I'd love to hear from you.

Use the form below to:

  • Share feedback about this episode
  • Ask a question for a future episode
  • Suggest a topic you'd like covered
  • Share your experience or insight

Send us a message here: https://peacefullivingmhc.wixforms.com/f/7470740959496504348

SPEAKER_03

Welcome to another episode of The Truth About Healing, a podcast that's here to challenge everything you think you knew about therapy. I'm Dana Coretta Stein, EMDR and Neuroinformed Therapist. And I'm on a mission to help 10 million people change their patterns, relationships, and future generations by teaching them how to gain control of their nervous system. Let's go with it. Welcome to another episode of the Truth About Healing Podcast. I am here with my boy Claudio, and I have a very special guest today that I'm very excited, Dave Regina. For anyone who doesn't know, Dave Regina is a respected leadership voice trusted by CEOs, public servants, athletes, and entrepreneurs alike. From overcoming Crohn's disease and personal setbacks to leading government teams of 200 plus employees, Dave's journey reflects the reality that adversity shapes leadership capacity. He is the host of the top-ranked No S News podcast and co-founder of Action Cultivates Excellence. Through raw storytelling and tactical insight, Dave teaches leaders how to operate with purpose, discipline, and clarity across all areas of life. Dave, welcome to The Truth About Healing.

SPEAKER_01

Thank you, sir.

SPEAKER_03

So excited that you're here. So Dave is super special because Dave is why I'm here today doing this podcast. So Dave was um had me on his podcast a year or two ago, a year and change ago. Um that's when I met Claudio, and now I get to have you here.

SPEAKER_01

Well, listen, I just want to give you your flowers. Uh congratulations. Thank you. It's a wonderful journey. I uh you know admire what you're doing. I know it's not easy to show up every week and uh pour into the listeners the way that you are. And you know, it's a value-driven podcast, which are are my favorite podcasts. Absolutely. Shout out to you, shout out to my brother Claudio and Kai Evisions uh here in Stanford. You guys got something something great going.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, well, thank you for helping create all of this and and giving others a microphone, and then it just kind of spreads, right? That's right. Yeah. So I love talking to you because we never know where the conversation's gonna go. But there's so like any conversation you have is a good one. Like I love left listening to your episodes and your podcasts. So tell me, like, this is all about healing and stuff. So I know leadership is ever you're all about it, right? So adversity leads to leadership. So what helped you get there, right? What were the things that you struggled with? What helped you heal? So now that you are a voice for others.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Um, you know, so there's a couple pivotal moments I think that I can, you know, reflect on. But I had a typical upbringing, you know, two parents in the house, uh, grew up in Mount Vernon. Um, but there was a lot of stress in the home early on. You know, and I thought it to be normal because that's kind of just how we operated as a family, and you don't really know anything different.

SPEAKER_02

No, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Um, and it wasn't until later on that I was like, oh, okay, like there were definitely some things there. Um but long story short, I mean, my my father and my mother both, they're they're true heroes of mine. Um, you know, my father taught me the lesson of just never giving up ever. He was always working two, three, and four jobs to support the family. Um and mom, you know, she was a tremendous mom, but she she battled a lot and she was addicted to drugs and alcohol for the first 28 years of my life. Okay. Um and she's sober eight plus years now, and I shout out to my mother every time I have to.

SPEAKER_03

Congratulations to your mom. That's a big deal. So, yeah, absolutely. Oh, I just got chills. I love that.

SPEAKER_01

Thank you.

SPEAKER_03

Um also show healed people, heal people.

SPEAKER_01

That's that's true. Yeah, um, so uh, you know, we saw a lot of uh chaos in in in the home, and and it just taught me uh a lot about resilience, you know, and um I masked a lot of things early on in my life. You know, I I would always hide from the family trauma and whatever kind of went on in the house. I ended up uh moving out from my mom's house when they uh split when I was about 14 years old. So I lived with dad. Um and you know, we had we had some some fun times together. But the reality is, you know, there were times where my dad and I were sleeping in the same bed in my aunt's attic.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Um, you know, so just kind of overcoming those things and and seeing early on that, like, okay, you've been tested with some things here.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Um, then I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease at the age of 16. Oh, it's young. So yeah, it was it was really young. But I lost 40 pounds in the span of four months. And I used to walk around high school with toilet paper in my backpack because I just never knew when I would need a bathroom. Yeah. Um and I'm painting this picture because there were things all of these things though I never really dealt with. I never dealt with it. Um and then I'll fast forward you to 2017. Uh I had got married really young at the age of 24, and I was just not a good human being at that time. Uh in my intimate relationships. And that's what's funny. I was always this outgoing. I was hurt.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Um, but I was always very outgoing, but my way of dealing with things was uh very uh anger-oriented. Sure. You know, I would lash out, I would get angry, and I wouldn't want to talk about anything.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Um so I ended up like in an affair.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

And I came, you know, clean about it. And I really wanted to shift my life at that time. And that's when I was introduced to therapy. And therapy completely shifted my life because my first bout of therapy when I was 16 years old was actually with my mom. And at the time, my mom had like lied to this therapist, and then the therapist like looked at me and was like, son, you have anger issues. This is a you thing. And then I found out that my mom was actually friends with the therapist and going to lunch after. So I was like, Well, I'm never going back to therapy.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And I just because I just want to paint the whole picture of how I kind of got into therapy.

SPEAKER_03

And that does happen sometimes, it's a real story, and it does turn a lot of people off from therapy, understandably so. But yeah, it's not the norm. Therapy shouldn't be that way.

SPEAKER_01

Right, right. But then I got into therapy and I really liked what this guy was saying. You know, he he was a non-biased voice, and he started to like really pick apart, you know, those traumatic times in my life and the upbringing, and taking me back to that place and making me discuss it. And it was the most disgusting feeling internal when I had to first talk about things. Yeah. Um, but then after that disgusting feeling, there was a feeling of healing, we'll tell we'll call it right where I felt relief. And that was when I learned that you know what, like it's okay to address these things, it's okay to talk about emotions. Um, and then you know, for the past 10 or so years, I've been, you know, on the right path. I'm in a very healthy relationship now, two plus years. Um, you know, and shout out to Katie. Yeah, shout out to my beautiful queen. Um, but while all that was going on, I looked okay on the outside. You know, I had got my health and wellness in order from a physical standpoint, yeah, but I had no real alignment in my life. And I understood that if you want to be a true leader, you have to have alignment in your life.

SPEAKER_03

What would that look like for you that you'd so if you didn't have alignment in your life, what did that look like?

SPEAKER_01

Well, I didn't because all I had was physic physical health. Okay. Right? I was terrible in my intimate relationships. Um, I didn't have any level of spiritual guidance. Um, I didn't really buy into any w whatever anybody was putting out at that time. And it wasn't until therapy and then podcasting, which actually shifted my life because my therapist said something s so important to me. And he said, Dave, like, what do you listen to when you're in the gym? You love being in the gym because it's a it's a stress reducer for me.

SPEAKER_02

Yep, I feel that.

SPEAKER_01

And it it kind of helped heal my Crohn's disease, right? Because uh Crohn's disease um gets triggered by inflammation and stress, and then working out would bring it back down. So I'm like, oh, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03

It's the way to get that energy out.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So he was like, Hey, what do you listen to? And I'm like, rap music, duh. He's like, okay, like let's just let's look at this now. Your life is a reflection of what you listen to.

SPEAKER_03

And I'm like, I'm like, oh no, don't tell me that because I love to listen to rap music when I'm working out.

SPEAKER_01

But I'm like, what do you mean? He's like, well, so when you're working out, you know, all these endorphins are flowing, and that's when the creative process begins to happen. And now you're feeding your brain with, you know, talking about money and girls and bottles and this and that, and look at where your life is. You're in an affair, you're doing all these things, seeking attention from people that you shouldn't be seeking attention from. Uh he said, Why don't you listen to something different? And that's all he said. That's so I then took it upon myself one day in the gym, I just typed in like motivation. And it was an Ed My Lette Tony Robbins podcast that I had come across in 2017. And while I was working out and these guys were talking, Tony Robbins specifically, I started to get the chills.

SPEAKER_03

Uh yeah, he's very powerful.

SPEAKER_01

Like I was getting chills, and I'm like, oh man, like I'm we're onto something here. So then every day for a period of about three years, I didn't say anything to anybody, and I just started listening to you know, personal professional development podcasts, and then started to implement the things that I would listen to. You know, hydrating in the morning, saying a prayer, making your bed, all the things that are very smart.

SPEAKER_03

Seven habits of highly effective people, right? Great book. Yeah, phenomenal book.

SPEAKER_01

I uh I read that book in the sauna, actually, and all the pages ripped out.

SPEAKER_02

They got all soggy.

SPEAKER_01

But then after a three-year period, you know, I had really shifted my life. My relationships changed, uh, my finances got better. Um, I was becoming a different, a different human. And I really got to give it up to um, you know, professional development, but also, you know, therapy as well. And to any man out there, you know, I would just say this um it it's it's a real strength to talk about your feelings, to talk about your emotions. And although it gives you that uncomfortable, disgusting feeling, as I'll call it, what comes out on the other side is what I believe the strongest version of a man is today. Uh modern leadership is what we you know refer to it. Absolutely. So that's kind of the backstory of how I kind of got into this space. I don't even know if I answered the question, Dana.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, absolutely. You answered the question. Yeah, so what I'm hearing is like, you know, you went through, you had a troubled childhood in the sense where it just felt chaotic and um you didn't kind of know what was gonna happen next, and then you found the right therapist. Because we always say, like, you know, it's not just what happens to us, but who was there for us that determines whether or not something is going to have a long-standing effect on us. That's relationships are what promote resiliency. So, and I love what you're saying about like, you know, as a man talking about feelings and stuff, you know, as a mom of a six and a half-year-old boy, it's a fear of mine has always been of like raising him in a world where he is a very like he's not sensitive, he's a normal person, but boys aren't allowed to have feelings. So just being able to like be in a world of like trying to promote that and hoping that because it is, I think it's so much harder for men. I know like everyone's like, oh, women and blah blah blah, but I think men have it equally as difficult.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. And so now you have tell me about like your your group that you started.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. So anytime I talk about Ace Action Cultivate Tetris, I gotta shout out my brother and business partner, Sean Degnan. Uh we created something that we needed most at a time uh where we didn't have it. You know, and if if this group was available to us back in 2017, um, you know, Sean was going through his own bouts of depression and anxiety, um dealt with you know, grief and loss. And you know, I was going through divorce, um, heavy binge drinking, all of the things. And being able to create a safe space for men, where we came up with a original tagline of bridging the gap between masculinity and vulnerability, because that's where we believe modern leadership lies, right? Correct. And when you take two physically strong looking men, and now you pair that with strong emotional intelligence, we're able to do some real damage in a good way. Yes, right? Like we're we're able to affect break down some walls a lot of men out there. Yeah. So we started, you know, that that group and we did a a three-day summit to start, which is a weird way to start a business.

SPEAKER_03

How'd you even think to like put that together?

SPEAKER_01

Listen, that that is just the the power of putting something out on social media and going to get it. So what we did, we went out to this great property out down in New Polts.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Um Claudia was with us. I just told him, hey man, bring the camera. Um, this woman, Steph Madonia, she actually was listening to a podcast that Sean and I had done, and she said, Hey, like, I don't know, you know, if you guys want to do anything, but like I have access to this 160-acre property if you want to do something. So we just said, sure. But it came from podcasting. And I think that's an important piece to put out. A listener was listening to the podcast and said, Hey, I have this property. Yeah. Sean, myself, Claudio, uh, Steph, we go out there and we see this property and we're just like, oh, this is it. Until Claudio hit record, and there Sean and I go on the camera. We have a three-day transformative experience coming your way, high impact leadership. Um look, it's the place to be. We have expert speakers come and we had nothing. We had nothing.

SPEAKER_03

I think until you make it, baby. Literally.

SPEAKER_01

Um but what we did was we took it. You know, we believed in ourselves. We knew the work that we were already putting in for years, and we had decent followings, so we just started tagging people.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Started tagging Sean O'Connor. That's how we reconnected. I love my boy Sean. A bunch of guys in network, and we ended up with about 18 guys, I think, for the first one.

SPEAKER_03

Wow. That's a huge turnout for a first.

SPEAKER_01

And for someone to commit to a three-day experience. Yes.

SPEAKER_03

That's a huge commitment and a huge success. Like 18 from the first, that's nothing to sneeze at. Right.

SPEAKER_01

So then after that, there was a lot of momentum there.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And Sean owns a restaurant, Tarrytown, uh Salehouse in Tarrytown.

SPEAKER_03

Oh my gosh, he owns that one? Oh my God, Sean. I love your restaurant. Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Um, so the guys wanted more, and then we said, you know what? Let's just do a monthly dinner and we'll do a co-ed workout to include the girls once a month.

SPEAKER_02

Yep.

SPEAKER_01

So every month for the past two and a half years, we have done a men's leadership dinner. And basically we give guys an opportunity to get up and uh get a little uncomfortable with a microphone and introduce themselves. Uh but then we have breakout sessions, which are like mini therapy sessions.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And uh we get a little bit deeper and we dive in, and then that 40 turned to 80, turned to 160, and you know, before you knew it, we had about 1,500 contacts that have come through these dinners. Um and then it all just culminated with um our Health as Wealth Expo that we just did with Westchester County.

SPEAKER_03

That looked amazing.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it was amazing. I mean, over 600 people, 80 local businesses came out for the first one. So that's kind of how the business came about.

SPEAKER_03

Wild. So one thing I don't know if I heard it, like, when did you start the podcast? Because that sounds like a huge like catalyst for everything else.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, so 2017 was when I started listening to podcasts. Then that span of three years of me being intentional about taking the tools, tactics, and strategies from the podcast I was listening to, changing my own life. Yeah. That brings us to 2019, 2020. Yeah. Um, and that's when we released the first episode of the No Snoons podcast.

SPEAKER_03

I don't know if I know how you met Claudio.

SPEAKER_01

So Claudio and I used to work together. Um we met over a decade now. Oh wow. Um, and I, you know, he loves this story. But I I said, Claudio, man, I see all these pictures. He actually had that picture there in his office, I think. Um, very similar one in my office. He had this one in his office. So I knew that he was a uh a cameraman, you know. And I said, Well, listen, man, if you take pictures, then you can record a podcast. He said, No, that's completely different.

SPEAKER_02

And I look at it.

SPEAKER_01

He told me no about 14 times.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_01

Um, and every time I tell the story, it used to be four times, five times, six times. Now we're up to 14 times where he told me no.

SPEAKER_03

He said no, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Um, and then you know, the the the real buy-in, I think, was the lifestyle that I was living, right? I was pitching to him and my partner at the time, Mike Perelli, who was a co-host uh with me. He was he's one of my best friends to this day. Um I said, listen, man, I want I want to do a podcast. And you know, it it's gotta be something around fitness and finance. Because Mike was a finance guy in real estate. I was in fitness, but then we quickly realized that we were not the fittest or the richest of us. We were like, that's probably not gonna work. And I used to But it makes you real and relatable.

SPEAKER_03

Right.

SPEAKER_01

But I used to pride myself on waking up at 4 30 in the morning, 4 45. Um, and this is Snapchat days. And I used to pick up the phone and I would look into the phone and I would wink and I would say, No snooze, baby, come on. And Mike was the marketing genius that said, Dave, that's the name of the podcast. I said, That is the dumbest name I ever heard. He said, No. It's genius. It's the first thing that people see in the morning. Yeah, there's a no snooze button on your phone. So essentially what no snooze is, it's a call to action to wake up and attack everything that you do.

SPEAKER_03

Wow.

SPEAKER_01

Um, and that's how we started the podcast in 2020.

SPEAKER_03

Wow, I love that. And I love it, it just comes from like something you said every day. No snooze, baby. Come on. That's like I said to Claudio, I'm like, oh, that would have been a good like those one-liners that you say all the time. Yeah, yeah. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_01

You know where you're gonna pull inspiration from.

SPEAKER_03

You never know. Sometimes it's just everything come out of your mouth is gold. Yeah. Or trash.

SPEAKER_01

Golden trash.

SPEAKER_03

Depends on how you're gonna do that.

SPEAKER_01

I've said a lot of trash over the years. I'll tell you what. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03

But I think what like keeps us as like, you know, that leadership mentality is seeing the trash and okay, so what did I learn from that? And how do I apply that going forward? And do I clarify that now to maybe people who heard that trash message to say, let me clarify, I know I said this before. That's like really that's important.

SPEAKER_01

You know what I think the most important thing is authenticity. I think people can sense, especially people from New York, I'll tell you that. We can smell bullshit from a mile away. A mile away. So when you're authentic, and our whole thing was like talking about the journey as we were going. We weren't trying to be a self-help podcast that was trying to get you to change your life off of things that we did years ago. Right. It was like, hey man, look, I just tried this out for the past three months, I just tried this out for the past two years, like this worked in my life. Mike would be like, nah, this really doesn't work for me. So you had two different uh opinions on life, and we kind of just went through. Figuring it out. We had kids that were born within two weeks of each other. So the parenting journey was there. And that's a real one. And that's where I think you know, a lot of people make a mistake, especially with AI these days. Oh my god. Uh listen, I'm not trying to knock anybody out here, but like people know when you're using AI. People know when you're just it doesn't sound like you. You're looking at a screen and you're reading a message, um, you know, but through that other side of the screen, I think there's people on the other side that really do want to learn and you know hear from good people. And that's why I love what you do because you're very authentic in in your messaging.

SPEAKER_02

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01

Um and you speak from you know lived experience, which I think is so important too. And I made a lot of mistakes in my life.

SPEAKER_03

And that's that's a lot. That's what's important is like we're not supposed to like be perfect and know what to do already. Like my favorite saying is always like smooth seas never made a skilled sailor. I love that one because it's like mistakes are that's how we grow. Like my husband said something so um like kind of profound like years ago. And whenever, because he never finished college, he did like one semester um at pace and was like, eh, I'm making more money in real estate. This is stupid, I'm out. And so whenever like something you do something and it costs you money, if like you you an investment or something, he's like, that was my tuition. And I love that because it's like, okay, but if did I learn something from it, even if I didn't get like a financial return, whatever, did I learn something? Then great. Then that was a worthy investment. That's a good return on your investment. And that's what mistakes are. Mistakes are opportunities to grow. Right?

SPEAKER_01

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03

So I know one thing you said before, too, which of course sticks out in my head, is that you can't sit still. You can tell everybody else to slow down. Yes. But you can't.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Right? So where do you do do you see that being troublesome in your life? Does it bother you at any point, or is it just it works for you?

SPEAKER_01

Um No, I I mean, you know, I'm transparent with my my struggles now, for sure. Um and again, it took me a while to to get to this point uh because I was very uncomfortable talking about like the broken relationships in the past and all of my mistakes. I would try to mask it with like the way that I looked physically. And um, you know, I think Why? Why? Why would I mask it? Because I I it just wasn't normal to me. You know, it wasn't normal and then relationship struggle? Yeah, like I was just very accustomed, and this is not an excuse, it's just what I saw.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

The way that we handled things in my house is we would get in these big blowouts, and then the next morning would come, and you know, just as a family, somebody would say, like, hey, you want to be friends again? And we would just move on. We would never discuss anything.

SPEAKER_02

Uh, so there was not communication.

SPEAKER_01

And then also what I learned was that, you know, even my dad, he my dad was a very calm guy. He he is he's the calmist. But I did see that when he would blow up, everybody else would kind of like retreat. And for him, he's such a patient guy that I was just his breaking point. But for me as a child, I was like, oh, if you get like that, they're gonna get scared and they're gonna go away.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And then I saw my mom doing kind of the same thing, and I would retreat when they would, you know, get like that.

SPEAKER_03

Right.

SPEAKER_01

So I just I just adopted that early, early on.

SPEAKER_03

So like anger wasn't safe?

SPEAKER_01

No, safe, no. I don't I don't think so at all.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Um, and I still, you know, I I struggle with it with a lot of things now, but one of the most prevalent is my ability to really slow down. Um, you know, I've been able to accomplish a lot of really cool things with a lot of cool people, and um I I don't care about talking about accolades by any means, right? Like people can go look at whatever they want to look at, but it's hard for me to really sit back and enjoy things uh because I have this drive to just continue to impacting like millions of lives.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

SPEAKER_01

But my fear is that even when I'm impacting millions of lives, right, because we're already impacting thousands. Now, if you get to the place of impact of millions, my fear is like, oh, well, what's next? So I I constantly live in that. Um it's a it's a great driving force for me to continue to wake up and attack everything I do.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

But i it's tough at times because I'm like, wow, am I ever going to really get to sit back and, you know, enjoy something?

SPEAKER_03

Do you want to?

SPEAKER_01

Do I want I but I my rebuttal back is I do enjoy it. But I I enjoy saying a quick prayer of gratitude after like we sold we sold out Barnes and Noble.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Um and somebody had said to me, you know, yo man, you got to get a plaque. I'm like, a plaque? I sold out one Barnes and Noble. He's like, that's amazing, though. Like you, and he's a he's a therapist. And he's like, you you literally need to celebrate that. The next morning you woke up, you wake up, you should take the best piss of your life because the night before you sold out Barnes and Noble. And in my head, I'm like, no, what I did was I got in the car with Katie. We said uh a prayer of gratitude, and we gave thanks to the most high. And then I went back to my email and I started emailing more Barnes and Nobles. Right. Um so I don't know how to slow down. You know what I mean? And I don't know if it's a bad thing.

SPEAKER_03

But it sounds like you did. You slowed down. Oh, so you're giving me Yeah. Oh, let's go. All right. You yeah, you're healed. Slowing down. Yeah, right? Like I'm good. I'm so good.

SPEAKER_01

I'm healed.

SPEAKER_03

But it's it you slowed down, you prayed gratitude, like, and then you started back up again. Slowing down doesn't mean I'm slowing down indefinitely. That five minutes of prayer, that's it. Oh.

SPEAKER_01

So we're good. People people argue with me all the time, even therapists, right? Like the this therapist was arguing. And he's a he's a younger therapist. Um, but he was telling me that, you know, I need to basically do more in terms of like slowing down. And I I my thing was like, what so what is that? Like a a period of time? Is it a two-day? Is it three days? What does it matter if I'm truly I don't have any other vices? Like I don't, I don't drink anymore, right? Not that I'm counting, but it's been like 854 days.

SPEAKER_03

That's um incredible to you, though.

SPEAKER_01

You know, because it th those are the things I used to struggle with. I used to use a lot of recreational drugs, specifically COVID-19.

SPEAKER_03

Forcing yourself to slow down.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. So like now the next grind is is like a it's a high for me.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. You know, and I love getting to it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And I just love I love helping people. I love inspiring people, I love encouraging people, I love having conversations with people. Absolutely. Because so much good comes out of it. Absolutely. You know, so good. All right, all right.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, like that's the thing where I think people get tripped up is that they're always thinking it should look a certain way instead of like, no, that's the goal, especially if like, you know, you have it sounds like your faith is like a brilliant resource for you, and that's amazing, like same. And those moments of talking to God and praying, like, good, and then start back up again and do your thing, especially when you have a purpose. We're as human beings, we are wired for movement. I had an old client say years ago, it always stuck with me, movement is magic. And yeah, so good. So, like you you had a pit stop and you keep going.

SPEAKER_01

Good.

unknown

You're good.

SPEAKER_01

Good. I love it. I mean, I struggle with a lot of other things.

SPEAKER_03

Like what?

SPEAKER_01

But uh, I mean, I guess it's all in the same realm, but like patience, you know, specifically my relationships too. Um, because this is the funny thing that, you know, specifically Katie and I um we were very transparent with this. I used to be the type that never wanted to talk at all. And then time would pass and I would just be like, hey, you love me? And think about it.

SPEAKER_03

So just like what you said your family does? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was me. Right, right.

SPEAKER_01

Um, then I went to therapy, and now I am one who wants to address it immediately.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Katie is very much like, listen, if you come at me right now, I'm going to curse you out. Like, I need like 30 minutes. Pacing. Right. So I struggle with having the patience to wait until somebody else wants to talk. But like in a relationship, it's very important that you acknowledge each other's strengths. Right. And I've learned that, you know what, I don't even really want to talk to her because what she's going to give me back is not the real her. She needs some time. She's regulated. You know, but it's but it's on me because as the man and the leader of the relationship, I have the, I don't know, I have the authority and the desire to want my woman to become when she's speaking to me. Like, I don't want her when she's like raging.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Right?

SPEAKER_01

Like, so I had to learn like, all right, I gotta swallow my pride. I gotta be a little bit more patient and let that conversation happen. So that's that's a struggle that we deal with. We're gonna be able to do that.

SPEAKER_03

Regulate before you communicate.

SPEAKER_01

Yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_03

That's it's because you're not it's not gonna be healthy. So for you having to wait, what's the story you start telling yourself as time passes? Like if you don't get to have that conversation right away, then what?

SPEAKER_01

I'm like, I'm not gonna get cursed out right now. So you should keep waiting a little bit longer. Right.

SPEAKER_03

So you've like reframed it in a positive way. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And again, I'm I'm being, you know, facetious. Um she does, she's not like really gonna curse me out, but she'll be.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, I've cursed my husband out, but I tell him like I'm not fucking ready to talk yet back off. Like yeah, I did it yesterday. I was like, I'm not ready for repair, not now. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

But what's funny, if I if I even make a reference to like, you know, a curse word or something like that, she's like, Are you disrespecting me? I'm like, girl, you just went off. But that's a that's a separate issue. Um what was the question?

SPEAKER_03

So when she says she needs space, in the beginning. Yeah. So it sounds like you've kind of reframed it, but what would you tell yourself before that was made it so difficult to wait?

SPEAKER_01

It had to be on my time. I had to be the the one. That was an ego thing. Was it? Yeah, I think it was.

SPEAKER_03

What's underneath that ego then?

SPEAKER_01

I I don't know. I think it was an ego. Like I I struggled with ego for a really long time.

SPEAKER_03

Ego's protective.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, for sure. But even like my business relationships now, you know, I want my partners to shine. I I I give all the glory to, you know, my team that's that's that still ego though? W No, I'm saying I've I've removed the ego.

SPEAKER_03

No, but saying I want I'm gonna challenge you a little bit here. Yeah, yeah, that's fine. If you want your partners to shine, what if they didn't?

SPEAKER_01

What if they didn't what?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, if they didn't shine, if they were just not the best versions of themselves in that moment, then what?

SPEAKER_01

Then we have honest conversations. Yeah. I mean, that's something like I can talk on Sean Degnan and myself. You know, that's a that's a very active uh business partnership.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Um we're very good at not putting ego as the lead and we let the other one kind of do their thing. Um but if ever there's room for improvement, we discuss that.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

SPEAKER_01

And there's plenty of times that we have conversations and it's like, hey man, you know, I think you could have handled this a little bit differently. But also, again, because the egos are removed, we're receptive.

SPEAKER_03

So if the ego's removed, yeah, then who's there? Who's present in the conversation? So we do this on therapy with like parts work, right? There's like that ego, that protective part of ourselves, they're like our adult self, that's usually the one we want present.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

But think about ego too. Like what was the ego's job and what did it do its job really well at? Who was it protecting?

SPEAKER_01

I I don't know. I mean, I I think when we're not leading with ego, we've switched and in a good way we lead with empathy towards each other.

SPEAKER_03

Right. But at some point in your life, you needed that ego to survive.

SPEAKER_01

Yes. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. But it's kind of an excuse. Why? I would say that's an excuse. I I I think oftentimes adults, we love to reference our past um and then use that as the thing is like, oh, well, that's why I am why that that's that's why I operate the way that I do, because of my past.

SPEAKER_03

But I would say it's an explanation, not an excuse. Like I always say it's an explanation, not an excuse.

SPEAKER_01

I would just I would disagree with you on that because Please I love when people disagree. Let's go. No, but I think once you're aware of the situation now, right? Like for me to be like, oh my God, my mom was traumatizing to me, and my dad yelled, and you know, now I'm traumatized because I'm 36 years old. And it's like, dude, you were aware of the situation now. The your parents did, this is me articulating. My parents did the best that they knew how to do. But now I have new skills, I have new strategies, I've learned and I'm aware. Did you at 14? No, but now I can no longer, because there's too many adults in society that make excuses for continued negative patterns in your life. Yeah. You have to be able to shift away from those patterns. How do you do that? Through work. What kind of work? Self-work, self-help, learning, challenging, and serving. I think those three things are pivotal to anything. It's actually a framework of ACE. I think if you're consistently learning on a daily basis, feeding your yourself via books, there's a great book behind me. Um this one too.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, there's plugging up the book. There's another one over there, you know.

SPEAKER_01

Um through podcasting, through books, through therapy, right? That's learning. And I think also now if you're challenging yourself on a daily basis, physically, right? You're tapping into that creative space that we were talking about earlier. And then once you have those tools, you're serving and doing good for other people. So then that good kind of comes back around. Absolutely. I think that's a major formula to get away from the uh the negative patterns in your life.

SPEAKER_03

Right. And there's something super pivotal that got you there, right? And that was a relationship. You found your therapist when you were 16 was when was the like good one? The bad one was 16. When was the good one?

SPEAKER_01

Not until I was like 25, 26.

SPEAKER_03

Okay. And that was kind of the the catalyst.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, that was a major part of it.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. So that really shows that it's we don't heal in isolation. Right. So like when going back to like you at 14, it's not saying like the ego, like it's not an excuse for beat now as an adult. It's wow, that part of me really helped me when I was younger. I don't need that part anymore. Or I don't need that part to work as hard over functioning.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

SPEAKER_03

But I could also see where it did help me to get to where I am, where I was at that point at 25.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I I mean, I ruined a lot of relationships, you know, in my in my life because I didn't have the tools to hurt people, hurt people through them. Um and that happened multiple times because I just never was able to look in the mirror.

SPEAKER_03

Right.

SPEAKER_01

You know, and now my leadership stems.

SPEAKER_03

Well then you're so I had that therapist who held that mirror up in front of me.

SPEAKER_01

You know, I have to. Um But yeah, it kind of sounded like you were making an excuse for me to be honest.

SPEAKER_03

No, yeah. What made it sound that way?

SPEAKER_01

I don't know. The way you said it, you were like, Yeah, but it helped you.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Can anybody so think about like a baby, right? If a baby's crying, does that baby need an adult to feed it, burp it, change it, or can it do it on its own?

SPEAKER_01

No, it needs an adult.

SPEAKER_03

Right. So we all need help.

SPEAKER_01

Yes.

SPEAKER_03

And we can develop parts of ourselves, like a really um protective part, like an ego, because there was no help. So we had to figure out how to help ourselves. The like part of ego is also like like, you know, can sometimes be like all about me, not about anybody else, but that's because that person didn't have anybody taking them into perspective. So we needed that ego. And then we get to the next point where we're not in danger anymore. And now we do have people around to help us, and we have to notice that.

SPEAKER_02

Yes.

SPEAKER_03

We have to notice the supports at all, like even ACE, ACE is a catalyst for people, right? It is a support because we can't heal in isolation. We're not human beings are wired for connection.

unknown

Right. I would agree with that.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. 100%. Yeah. As you can tell, I don't like excuses in my life. Yeah. And some people take it as like tough, you know, tough leadership, and oh, you're so hard on yourself. And it's just like, no, man, uh, it's so much bigger than that. I have a five-year-old, right? And she's everything to me. I love, I love being a father. It's the best thing in the world.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Um, but my job and my responsibility is to give her these tools early on, show her what a safe man looks like.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

SPEAKER_01

Right? Like, how do you do that? How do you show her that? Yesterday, I, you know, I um what happened? She wanted to take a seat. Oh, uh, she wanted to lay down, and Katie and I were sitting on the couch, and Katie kind of came over and she was like, No, I want to lay here. So I got her up and I said, Come in the room with me. I want to talk to you. And I explained to her, like, listen, you can't just lay on a couch when there's three people trying to sit there. So then she started to get a little bit emotional and she even started crying. And I said, Well, why are you crying? She was like, No reason. I said, No, baby, I want you to tell me why you are crying.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And she said, No reason. And I could tell that she just didn't want to talk. I said, You know what? I'm gonna give you a minute. I'm gonna come back to you, I'm gonna go heat up a chocolate chip cookie because we were having dessert anyway. Yeah. I said, when the cookie's ready, I'm gonna come back. But you're gonna tell me kind of why you were why you're crying. Um, so I heat up the cookie, I come back to her, she's calm, and finally I got out of her. She was just embarrassed.

SPEAKER_02

Right?

SPEAKER_01

She got embarrassed because of the way that I said, Hey, come come in the room, I'm gonna talk to you now. And I wasn't getting physical with her or anything.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, it's just that like kids do that. That's true.

SPEAKER_01

Those are the opportunities as a father that I have early on to let my child know one, I'm allowed to tell you when you're doing something wrong. Like, absolutely being a leader. That's okay. Yep. Um, and then it's also okay for you to cry and for us to have a conversation and for us to go back in and sit as a family and have our chocolate chip cookies. Yeah. You know, so that's how I kind of deal with my daughter on a daily basis where we identify moments like that that I never had earlier.

SPEAKER_03

I was gonna say it sounds like the opposite of what you grew up with.

SPEAKER_01

Right. But I'm very intentional about those moments with Callie.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I have to be.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. And that's I think that's any parent, I know I can speak for myself too. That intention is so important because it's so easy to just go through every day and like there's so many distractions, but to pause and just say, like, okay, what does my child need right now? Even this morning, I was rushing because I'm always late for everything. And my son came in and he was really upset and he was like, Mom, okay, his sensory stuff, like his clothes are bothering him. So he's like, I've having trouble breathing. So I just stopped everything I was doing and hugged him and co-regulated with him. So I told him just follow my breath. And I was taking deep breaths, and then his breath caught mine, and we just kind of calmed in that moment together. And then he was able to transition to going to school.

SPEAKER_02

Very cool.

SPEAKER_03

And that those little moments, like it would have been so easy to say, I I can't right now, I have to, I'm gonna be late, whatever. And I'm like, okay, if I'm five minutes late because my son needed me, I'm okay with that. And that's being intentional with our kids.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I love that.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, yeah. Cause I think that's there's nothing that teaches you leadership more than becoming a parent.

SPEAKER_01

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Right?

SPEAKER_01

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Because those little guys are watching you.

SPEAKER_01

Humbling.

SPEAKER_03

They're it's very humbling. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And there's a uh major accountability factor. You know, when you make a mistake as a parent, you know. You know, I have a very um vivid memory very early on, uh, where I yelled. Um, and this was when uh Callie's mother and I had separated, and she was one and a half years old, and you know, I was always a present dad, but until you're like a single dad, yeah, you really don't know what the full scope looks like. Right. It's a bold statement, but it's a true one, and one that I live very early on.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

SPEAKER_01

Um, you know, because you go from changing diapers here and there, showering your child or bathing your child here and there to being the person provider.

SPEAKER_02

Yep.

SPEAKER_01

Um and I did that for a span of two years from when she was one and a half to about three and a half.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

And there was one day that I just I I just lost it. And she was really, really young. I don't even think she was two years old yet. And I just started screaming because I just couldn't, I couldn't take whatever was going on.

SPEAKER_03

It's just so so much at once. Yeah, it was just a lot.

SPEAKER_01

There was a lot. She wouldn't stop crying. That's what it was. I think she wouldn't stop crying. Um, but then because I yelled so loud, uh, she started like throwing up. She couldn't catch her breath. And she's always had this like trigger with you know her her throat whenever she like cries, and I don't know. There's always been like this reaction and her beginning to gag and then throw up. Um so that happened, and it happened to be after milk, and you know, it was like time for to go to sleep, but now I just had this whole blowout.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

SPEAKER_01

Um, so I've made a lot of mistakes as a parent too. Um and that was a that was a terrible moment, you know.

SPEAKER_03

What happened next?

SPEAKER_01

Um, I put worship music in my ear and um I got really close to God, you know.

SPEAKER_03

Um and that's what happened with you and Callie in that moment after she threw up?

SPEAKER_01

Um after she threw up, um we cleaned it up. I mean, we cleaned it up and we sat together and uh we fell asleep together.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Um she was, you know, again, one and a half, two years old, so I can't have these, you know, real logical conversations with her at that time.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, and you don't have to.

SPEAKER_01

No, no, no, no, no. But for me, I needed to just come back to a place because there was no there was no outlet, there was no exit there. Yeah. It was like, what are you gonna do? You're gonna shake this baby to stop crying or are you gonna scream? That was like all that I thought.

SPEAKER_03

Well, it sounds like you made the better choice then. Right, of course. Yeah. Um I think every parent feels that way. I know I can speak for myself. There are moments where I'm like, like I'll call my mom and I'm like, I can see why some parents snap. But like if you really feel like it's like you're drowning at some point, it's overwhelming, especially like if you're like me, like the sensory stuff, like the screaming nonstop. Like I feel like whining. Oh my god, I can't. I have earplugs. I have like the what are they called? The um the loop earplugs where it like dulls the sound so much so they're not as strong. Um but it's really freaking hard. It's really freaking hard. But then, like you said, like we cleaned it up and we fell asleep together. Yeah, doesn't have to be words, that's the repair.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and um yeah, it's never really happened again. Yeah, you know, she's thrown up, obviously, but yeah, not necessarily due to my, you know, screaming and yelling.

SPEAKER_03

Right. And if it did, as long like I'm big on apologizing, right? So like my son knows like mommy can lose it sometimes, but I will own it and say, like, mommy, uh, I'm sorry, mommy is stressed out and I shouldn't have yelled. Because I also want him to one realize that people aren't perfect and and know that that wasn't his fault and it's not his job to control my emotions. That's a big thing. I don't ever want him to, because that's how I felt growing up. Like, you know, my dad was very anxious and my mom is very stressed, and so I always tried to keep the peace and keep everybody happy around me. And then, you know, the running joke is like, oh, and then I became a therapist because I'm trying to control everybody's feelings. And then I realized that and I was like, oh, and then I became a good therapist once I caught that. Um, but those things are what I'm so aware of as a parent of okay, he can see me being perfect, and it's not his job or responsibility to do anything about Titsana Jeb to make me feel better. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Now, let me ask you a question. Do you ever feel like a fraud?

SPEAKER_03

All the time. Don't we all?

SPEAKER_01

I always feel like well, I know in leadership for me I do, right? In moments like that. But now for you as a therapist, for you losing your mind, yeah, like just saying that.

SPEAKER_03

Um, my clients know the like some of my closest clients know the story of when I threw a plate of eggs at my husband.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, she's laughing about you. All right, good.

SPEAKER_03

Because I think we all have moments where we're imperfect human beings. Yeah. And like I was like, yeah, he pissed me off so much. And I was making breakfast and I got so angry that I launched the fucking plate across the room.

SPEAKER_01

Wow, with the plate.

SPEAKER_03

With the plate. You know what? It felt really good. Good. Did it hit? It felt really good. No, it hit the wall. Oh. The dog ate the eggs, so he had breakfast and that was good.

SPEAKER_01

Well, cooked eggs.

SPEAKER_03

Cooked eggs.

SPEAKER_01

Oh.

SPEAKER_03

They were cooked eggs.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Yeah. And I think that, I don't know, to me, what I think makes me a good therapist is that I own it. Of like, yeah, like that was a very dysregulated moment. Everyone's gonna get dysregulated now and then. If we pretend that we don't, that's more of a problem.

SPEAKER_01

Now, when you threw those eggs, was he like, wow, you're a good therapist?

SPEAKER_03

Or oh no, he was just like, bitch is crazy.

SPEAKER_01

Bitch is crazy. Okay.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. My the thing I hate is when um because sometimes people will say, like, why are you so upset? Aren't you a therapist? Oh, do therapists not have feelings?

SPEAKER_01

Right, right.

SPEAKER_03

Hmm.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

Okay, then good to know. Thanks.

SPEAKER_01

Well, we have this running joke with uh Katie and Jackie, Sean's wife. Yep. Uh if ever we we like push the limit a little bit in an argument or something, they're like, Oh, leadership guy, huh? Oh, oh, okay, leadership. We're like, oh my God.

SPEAKER_03

Yep. The best. There was um a podcast episode I listened to a while ago. Um uh with Adam Contos. Let's start with a win. It's one of my favorites, and I forget the name of the guy, of course, but the topic was the best leaders are vulnerable. And it was, it's so true.

SPEAKER_02

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03

I think for me, like the biggest thing I learned is like, you know, as a growing my business and everything, is owning it. Like my my staff will hear me say all the time of like, wow, I fucked this up. I'm really sorry. And not an explanation or excuse. I just want to hold space for how that affected you and let them share how they feel. Because that's where shame is such an appropriate emotion. Because when we can really like harness shame, it it's you know, oh, I feel ashamed because I hurt someone I care about. Not intentionally, but when we embrace shame, that stops us from doing something again. And that's the benefit of shame. It's a protective emotion. Yeah. Fun stuff. Yeah. So let's go on over to our truth or bullshit segment, which is my favorite, where I just kind of like throw out a sentence and then tell me what you think is truth or bullshit.

SPEAKER_01

That's my answer, truth or bullshit.

SPEAKER_03

Truth or bullshit, and then you can give a little why, and it can usually spark a good convo too.

unknown

Cool.

SPEAKER_03

So discipline fixes everything, truth or bullshit.

SPEAKER_01

Truth.

SPEAKER_03

Say more.

SPEAKER_01

Truth, because if things are off, and I'm not a Associating discipline with just physical here.

SPEAKER_02

Oh yeah. Yeah, discipline I think is like a routine. Right.

SPEAKER_01

Right. Uh but discipline can fix everything because once you have the awareness and you make a conscious choice on a daily basis to do better, whether that's emotionally, uh mentally, physically, spiritually, that conscious decision to be discipline will help change your life.

SPEAKER_03

I agree. I totally agree. That's why I would say discipline over motivation all day long. Motivation is a fleeting emotion. Absolutely. Discipline is something you is an action that you could do consistently. Right. Yep. Like the running joke is my husband, every night, he's a real estate agent. We've been together for 13 years. Every night without fail, he checks the hot sheet of all the listings that are coming on that day. He hasn't missed it. Right. Where anybody else would be like, oh, I don't feel like it. He don't care. He does it every night because that's how he helps his clients.

SPEAKER_01

You know, I I would pair that with uh a level of faith too. Yeah. But you know, I I think discipline and faith for me, it's God, Jesus, right?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01

But now when you match that with because I was disciplined in my life for a long time.

SPEAKER_03

Not in all but it's like discipline without like support of the highest good.

SPEAKER_01

Right. And and really understanding you know that higher power and having a connection to that higher power, I think faith and discipline will change everything.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. I love that. The my nephew's confirmation was a few weeks ago, and I was his sponsor, and the bishop was one of the most incredible what priests I ever heard spoke made me want to go back to church, all of that. And um he was um saying when you invite Holy Spirit into your life, oh, they'll show up. And it's so true, yeah, right? Anytime like you really actually uh embrace your faith, it shows up in ways where you're like, oh my god, I just wasn't really looking before. And it's amazing. Yeah. All right, next one, you have to sacrifice your health to succeed.

SPEAKER_01

Big bullshit. Yeah. Yeah, big bullshit. No.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Definitely not.

SPEAKER_03

How was you embracing your health helpful for your success?

SPEAKER_01

I think it was uh aligning the emotional health with the physical health. You know, once you get that in alignment, because I was unaligned for a very long time, as we spoke about earlier, you know, I was masking a lot of what was going on in my life with the gym. And because I was changing my body physically, people thought that I had everything figured out and I just didn't.

SPEAKER_03

It looks fine on the outside.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But very broken inside. Very, very broken inside. And uh until you know, you can really mask, uh match that um, you know, physical with that mental, um, I think that's where you can become your your best. And that's where I think things will really start to shift for you.

SPEAKER_03

I agree, I agree. I think a lot with people um who struggle with like their physical and stuff too, uh the start with the emotional part because then the physical kind of follows suit next. It's stress, right? So if we're in chronic hyperarousal, our body's gonna be in fight or flight, and then we're gonna hold on to weight, we're gonna hold on to like we're not gonna digest our food well, like we're not gonna get the nutrients out of that. So start with stress reduction, and then your physical health kind of follows suit.

SPEAKER_01

Okay. I'm I may rebut that. Yeah, tell me. Right? Because it could be both, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think on my side of things, for my life, you said movement is magic.

SPEAKER_03

Yes.

SPEAKER_01

I'll say movement is medicine.

SPEAKER_03

Yep.

SPEAKER_01

Right? So I love that.

SPEAKER_03

Movement could reframe.

SPEAKER_01

Movement physically, yeah, for me, was the thing that when I allowed it to, it became the catalyst for me to get healthier emotionally. Right. It did. Right. Oh, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03

Like the stress reduction is movement.

SPEAKER_01

Right. You don't go to the most people don't go to the gym like already change. You have to go there continue to yeah, to continue to show up to make change. Yeah. And then when you start to see change, that's typically when your mental gets a little bit better. Right. But a lot of people will go to the gym for three weeks and they're doing it. They're doing the physical, but their mental hasn't shifted yet. Right. But then there's that breakthrough period when it's like, oh, wait, I showed up physically, I lost three pounds. Right. And now mentally, I feel good. It gave me the boost of motivation that I needed to now move forward in the right.

SPEAKER_03

Right. Yeah. Yeah. I think where people sometimes struggle is like, and this is where there's so many different factors, but like let's say they go to the gym for six weeks and they don't lose any weight, and then they so they stop going. And it's okay, well, let's talk about the, and this is going back to EMDR, the optimal level of arousal, right? The optimal level, because if your body is already in fight or flight chronically, and then you're doing workouts that are like so intense that it jacks you even more into hyperousal, your body's gonna hold on to weight more. And it's not that um, you know, that you can't lose weight or anything, it's the type of movement that you're doing to get started. Yep. So it's okay, so let's maybe talk about this is where having a trainer in and a nutritionist because it's the whole person. When we start therapy, we always do a biopsychosocial to really see like what's going on biologically, uh psychologically, socially in that person's life. Because all of those, those three things all impact anything in somebody's life. Like the ability to lose weight, right? Is like we have to have the optimal levels in inside of ourselves biologically. We need to be able to move optimally, but that's where like some people go too hard in the beginning and they burn out before they can actually get a result, and then it makes it hard to keep going. Yeah, yeah. So that's uh, but I I'm with you. Like the gym was pivotal in my life for so many things. Burnout is a mindset problem, truth or bullshit.

SPEAKER_01

Bullshit.

SPEAKER_03

Same one.

SPEAKER_01

Because you can be burned out physically. So it's not a mindset problem, right? Like you can physically be burnt out, you know, and I I think I've gotten to that point many times in in my life, and even still I get to a point um like this weekend, you know, I needed a weekend to just shut off.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Because and for me slowed down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But for me shutting off. Give yourself credit when you do it. For me, shutting off is like having a nice meal with my family and like just not working.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

You know, not showing up to events. I I mean I did have an event that I spoke at on Friday night, but Saturday, Sunday, I didn't have anything.

SPEAKER_00

Right.

SPEAKER_01

Um, which was strategic. It was after health as wealth. Like I needed like a weekend to kind of just chill. Uh, because I felt myself getting to that place physically where even if I'm getting eight hours of sleep, I'm still waking up drained because of all of the output. Right. You know, and then the thing that suffers for me in my life, when my output is really high, then my input becomes even lower. Because it makes sense.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. You know, then I I justify, oh, well, I can't listen to Joel Osteen this morning because I have to schedule a call, you know, and now I'm not feeding my spiritual brain. You're not doing the things that actually fill the tank. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03

Right.

SPEAKER_01

Um, and that's why my morning routine is so important and pivotal to me in my life because like even this week, Monday to Friday, I have 64 obligations. That's meetings, that's events.

SPEAKER_03

Um like a high octane like performer.

SPEAKER_01

But that's nothing for me, like that's not including my scheduled workouts and all that. 64 obligations going out to other people. So that's that's meetings, events, and other things besides like me taking my daughter to, you know, baseball and this and that. Uh Monday to Friday, 64 of those. So for me, I do get to a place to where it's not just a mindset thing, it's like an actual physical thing. And there are times throughout the day, even that I get to that place and I have like a 12-minute meditation that I love. And I will go in my car or my office, lock the office, put my AirPods on, put something over my face so it's dark, and take those 12 minutes to you know, repair.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, for as much as you have on your calendar, those 12-minute moments are crucial.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Um, but the thing is, you know, if I would have told myself that I would be here, you know, just even two years ago.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Right, I would have been like, I I would have said I was busy two years ago.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, we say you want something done, ask a busy person.

SPEAKER_01

My concern is that I know it's only going to because where I want to go, it requires more. It requires more. So 64 might sound good.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

SPEAKER_01

It might be 104. Right. You know, and it's all doable. Right. It's all doable.

SPEAKER_03

Well, that goes out with uh our episode with Dan, Claudio, where you delegate to elevate so you can get to that 104. So we'll kind of scum off your plate. To be able to keep growing.

SPEAKER_01

Yep. Yep. Um, so yeah, I mean, I think, you know, every year, new levels, new devils. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. It's just it's like almost like a video game, like you're leveling up, right? You're just and there's more to learn, and that's where growth is, is that especially and this is why I love EOS, which is the entrepreneur operating system, where there's a structure for that where you really just you delegate uh something so that you the highest and best use of your time is this. And as you're growing, you know, you sometimes have to do all the things yourself. And then you get to the point, it's like checkpoints. Okay, I got here, now this can come off, now I go here, now that can come off. So you can achieve your vision of helping all these people.

SPEAKER_01

Absolutely. They call me um delegation dave, though. So I do delegate a lot.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I I do delegation dave. That's good.

SPEAKER_03

That's what leaders do. Leaders delegate, yeah. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01

It's one of the lessons in in the book. You have to you have to learn how to delegate, but also there's things that as I'm building them out, I have to be involved. I can't, I think a big mistake for leaders is they delegate things too early. And then it doesn't meet the I did too. Yes. It doesn't meet the expectation of the product that you're trying to put out. And now you're the bad leader because you delegated something that you weren't prepared for.

SPEAKER_03

Exactly. Exactly. Yeah, well said. So tell us about your book, because that's a great segue for it. Tell us about 30 lessons to lead. Yeah. Tell us all about it.

SPEAKER_01

And no, so you know, even this book, man, it really came from a uh a spiritual moment.

SPEAKER_03

I love the breakdown to breakthroughs. That is gold.

SPEAKER_01

Well, it's it's my life, you know. Um my life was full of breakdowns, and I've found a formula to kind of break through. So I I really just want to encourage everybody to become the best leader at home, at work, and in the mirror, because those are the three places where you are the most.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Right? Yeah. Um, and I break the book down um into three different parts. And the first ten lessons are all about leading from within. Leading with intention is the framework. Uh, then the next ten are um leading to, well, I got my own stuff messed up here.

SPEAKER_03

I can never remember my own book, so I'm with you.

SPEAKER_01

Um like the first ten is lead from within, right? You have to begin to get the tools. The next 10 is leading with intention. Now that you have the tools, you have to be intentional about all the movements that you're making. Yeah. And then the final 10 is lead to multiply, right? Because I think the best form of leadership. The best form of leadership is are those that can, you know, not only adopt the mindset, the tools, the strategies, the tactics, but now those that can teach it.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

SPEAKER_01

And I believe that all of us are leaders.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Everybody is a leader of their life. I don't care if you have one cat, I don't care if you have 500 employees. You are a leader of your life and you need to take command of that. And there's power in the word leader. Absolutely. So I really just want to encourage everybody to become the best, the best leader that they can be and the best version of themselves.

SPEAKER_03

Um, how would someone know that this that they need to read this book? What would be going on in their life?

SPEAKER_01

You know what's what's amazing about that is it's a it's a real reflective piece. Um, I think the book is very unique uh because of the way that I structured it. So the first uh lesson is self-discipline, um, and this is how the framework is for each lesson. Um it's about a five to seven minute read per per lesson, and then there's a personal story that's attached to it. So showing you how I got to a level of personal discipline in my life, and then there's a experiential learning. Then there's a reflection question that you're gonna ask yourself, and then there's also an action step for you to take in your life.

SPEAKER_03

So this would be great for someone who needs that kind of interactive feedback.

SPEAKER_01

You know, I think it's great for everybody. Yeah. I actually read a chapter every day. Um, even now, I've gone through it probably seven, eight times since it's come out. Yep. Right. Obviously, I read it multiple times before as I'm writing it, but just since October, I've read it about seven or eight times. Wow. Um, because it's it's that important to me. And every time you're in a different space in your life, the reflection question means something different. Yes. So, you know, that's a good question then. What I'm seeing now is there are government agencies that are bringing me in, there are universities that are bringing me in to really help their leadership teams elevate. And these guys and girls are, you know, on the high of the high when it comes to their uh performance in business. Right. But maybe one aspect of their life, they're not uh in full alignment, like we spoke about. So it's anybody that's seeking alignment, anybody that's seeking a level of encouragement, um, and really just anybody who who has a deep desire to grow. Yes. You know, because I I I think too often as we get older in life, we stop growing.

SPEAKER_03

If you're not growing, you're dying.

SPEAKER_01

Absolutely. That's no in between. Every day I say if you're not growing, you're dying.

SPEAKER_03

Yep. What happens to a flower when it hits its peak, it starts welting? So you just have to keep seeking growth.

SPEAKER_01

Absolutely. So it's a it's a you know a great reminder if you're somebody that's already at the top level of leadership in your life. Um and for those who are just looking to go to new levels, I think it's uh a great I don't think there's a ceiling when it comes to leadership, is there? Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Because there's always uh to me, part of being leader a leader is always being willing to learn more.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_03

Right. Yeah, yeah. So where can everyone find where can they grab a copy?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, so there's a couple uh places. Uh Amazon, uh Barnes and Noble.

SPEAKER_03

Awesome.

SPEAKER_01

Walmart, uh Dave Regina.com. So you can choose. Um and if you want to give your listeners a uh a discount code, what do you want to name it?

SPEAKER_03

Oh, I love that. Let's do it. Yeah. Um what should we name it? Like whatever you want. Dave?

SPEAKER_01

No, let's do Dana, not Dave.

SPEAKER_03

Okay. Right. That would make more sense.

SPEAKER_01

EMDR, Dana EMD.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Dana's code.

SPEAKER_01

What do you want?

SPEAKER_03

Dana EMDR. How about that? Dana EMDR. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Okay. At Dave Regina.com.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

We will put that code in. Oh, that's awesome. What percentage you want off?

SPEAKER_03

Uh your business model.

SPEAKER_01

Talk to me.

SPEAKER_03

20.

SPEAKER_01

You want 20 or you want a higher?

SPEAKER_03

Oh, well. What do you want? The business owner is me. I have to know that there's probably that's where I start logging.

SPEAKER_01

Don't worry, don't worry about it. We got a we got a couple copies to go to.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, maybe maybe 50%.

SPEAKER_01

You want 50% off? Yeah. All right, cool. We'll we'll do that.

SPEAKER_03

You're the bum.

SPEAKER_01

Um yeah, we'll we'll run that. I've never done a 50% discount. Well then, how about then um that's it. We'll do it.

SPEAKER_03

No, but I'm also thinking to pay it forward too, of like a donation to Ace or something like that for that 50%. No, just give me 50%.

SPEAKER_01

Don't worry about a donation. I don't need a donation. I don't need any I don't need anything to do.

SPEAKER_03

I don't think you need it.

SPEAKER_01

I want to give it. No. You're not you. You can talk offline too. Listen, someone can't accept. Um but if you do order it on Amazon or Barnes and Noble or Walmart, I can't do that discount. Right. It has to be. So it's got to go through DaveVergina.com.

SPEAKER_03

DaveVergina.com.

SPEAKER_01

What was the code we said? EMDR Dana or Dana?

SPEAKER_03

Dana EMDR. Dana Claudio keeps us organized.

SPEAKER_01

Throw that on throw that on the screen for people.

SPEAKER_03

And tell everybody where they can find you.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Um, so Instagram is pretty much king for me. It's at Dave Reg. Um that gives you the link to my website in the bio there. Yep. Um Ace Sanctuary is uh our leadership group, Action Cultivates Excellence.

SPEAKER_03

And you guys are actively like, are you recruiting members? Like, can people join?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I mean, listen, we do a uh monthly dinner every month at the Salehouse in Tarrytown, so you can look out for that information. It's typically the third Tuesday of every month. Um and then Sean Dayton and myself, you know, um we're taking bookings into 2027 already, going into uh different leadership organizations and you know, coaching up their leadership team. So if anybody out there, small business, uh Fortune 500 company, university, high school, uh sports team, anything in between, um, you know, you name it, we'd we'd love to come check you out.

SPEAKER_03

That sounds amazing and sounds like what a lot of companies need.

SPEAKER_01

You know, there's definitely a shift. Yes. There's definitely a shift because we're seeing that more and more companies are budgeting for this type of stuff. They want this type of stuff. It's real, it's relatable, um, and life is not easy.

SPEAKER_03

No, and people aren't okay with just like dealing with like the normal corporate bullshit, like people want more now.

SPEAKER_01

Right. And uh we come in and we we do a lot of engaging things. I mean, you know, it depends on what you want, but we went into like Westchester County, right? The the largest government that the the county's here. We went in with a coal plunge. Oh my god. Yeah, we gave a keynote uh and a coal plunge.

SPEAKER_03

So like Is there a video of that I need to see?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we had 400 employees. Like it's amazing. You know, there's definitely a shift happening. Um, you know, I've done business with uh PepsiCo and MasterCard and you know, a lot of big organizations, but also mom and pop shops too. Right. You know, we're we're not out here charging everybody the same. So if you know MasterCard's got this big budget and you know you don't, we're we're willing to work with that to help everyone grow.

SPEAKER_03

I love that. Absolutely. I love that. Dave, thank you so much for being here, being on this episode. I so enjoy our conversations. Thank you so much. Keep talking to you like nonstop, you know. No, no, it's great.

SPEAKER_01

Uh and I just want to again uh congratulate you on on the journey. And I want to continue to uh encourage you.

SPEAKER_03

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01

Let me know if there's anything that I can do to continue to help you or or grow whatever it is that you know you're doing. I love the product that you're you're putting out. So congratulations to you. Thank you. And you too, C V.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, always the best. Thank you, everybody. Thank you, Claudio, for always holding us together. Thank you for coming to another episode of The Truth About Healing. Here to remind you that we repeat what we don't repair. And I will see you guys on the next episode. Thank you for listening to another episode of the Truth About Healing Podcast. If you know someone who's still stuck, share this episode with them. Because as you know, the truth can set them free. And if you're ready to get started to see what you need to repair, contact us at peacefulliving mental health counseling.com and we will get you started. Until next time, I'm Dana Coretta Stein, reminding you we repeat what we don't repair. This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health or medical advice. Listening does not create a therapist client relationship. If you need support, contact a licensed professional or your local emergency services.