Ep. 13 - Stop Waiting to Feel Ready

If you've ever felt like you're waiting to become a better, more healed, more confident version of yourself before you finally start living your life, this episode is for you.

This week, I'm sharing the heartbreak of losing my dog, Teetee, and the unexpected lesson grief has taught me: life isn't waiting for you to feel ready.

We talk about perfectionism, the trap of endless self-improvement, why so many people stay stuck despite doing "all the work," and what it actually takes to move your life forward.

This is the work I do with my coaching clients every day—not giving you more information, but helping you stop second-guessing yourself, take meaningful action, and build a life that feels deeply authentic to you.

If you're tired of waiting for the right moment, this episode is your invitation to start living now.

Let's Connect! 

To get more info and updates on the podcast find me on Instagram. You can also DM me on Instagram for questions about coaching.

@marycatemcdonald

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Thank you again for joining me on this podcast. I am so grateful you are here!

Transcript

0:00

Hi, and welcome to It's Not That Serious, Even When It Is. I am your host, Mary McDonald. I am a coach and use human design as a tool to see my clients deeply and guide them to a more joy-led and embodied life. On this podcast, we will have deep conversations and some giggles because life can't be so serious all the time. Hello, and welcome to this week's podcast episode. You guys, I have some very sad news to share, and I'm working through it, so you're gonna have to give me a beat. We lost my sweet little Titi dog, uh, this past Friday And so I'm working through I'm gr- working through some grief on a level that I have literally never experienced before. Have I lost dogs before? Yes, I have. TT, a whole other level of dog. And so I kinda wanna have this continuation of last week's episodes when, ep- episode when I was talking about allowing ourselves to feel all of the emotions. And I think perchance it is being very amplified for me this week. And at first I thought, you know what, I'll do an episode and dedicate it to stories about TT, but I am not even close to that. I'm not even close to that, if we're being honest. I, yeah, I, it feels like Oof, it feels like I'm dying if I'm being honest. So if you've ever, if you've ever lost, um, a dog or, you know, I don't know, it's... You know how it is. It's really, really hard. But I saw this thing today that... A couple of things I wanna share about this, and like I said, maybe I'll dedicate a episode to her. I mean, she deserves the world, but it's really hard to say, like, she was just a pet anyway. I mean, she was really, I swear to you, a human in a little cute dog body. But I saw this thing today about grief around losing a pet, and like I said, pet, that's like such a weird word to me, because she's just my family, my best friend, like my soul. So pet feels not even the correct word for her So what it said today was part of why loss of your pet is so difficult is because you have been fully yourself with them, so fully, deeply yourself their whole lives. It-- when you're alone, you've had all of your thoughts out loud. I mean, at least I talk to TT all the time. And if we're being honest, in this moment of grief, I still talk to TT because I, I-- what am I gonna do, just like stop? I don't know. I don't think there's really a profer- proper way to grieve here. But anyway, it's like part of it is that you expressed yourself so deeply and so wholly with your dogs that-- or insert, whoever it is for you, that it's like you lose this piece of yourself because nobody has seen you to the full depths of who you are like they have. And I think it, it rings pretty true for me because I know that even when I struggle with things alone and I'm maybe not ready to express them with Bryce or with a family member or a best friend, it's that TT always knows. I've had the depths of grief with her. I've had the depths of joy with her. My God, she was hilarious. Um, and, a- and I was never afraid to share any part of my lived experience with her because I was always wholly accepted. And on top of that, I was never actually treated like I was grieving or like I had a problem. It was always like, "Yeah, yeah, I'm here for you, but also make sure you, you feed me and make sure dinner is on time. And also, like, I'm gonna start barking at you at 3:30 even though we don't do dinner until 5:00." So It's like she treated me the same no matter what. And it's just such a different experience from, your human friends. And maybe that sounds a little crazy, but yeah, like I said, if you are not a dog person, you probably don't get it respectfully. And yeah, it's, it's like you have this person animal with you your, you know, their whole lives, and you never express yourself any differently. And they watch you grow, and they- they're cuddling with you in your pain, and they're there to remind you to have joy in the dark moments. And they are with you... You know, I had times early, early, early in my job where I would go home for lunch and I, it, I was- would be having a really hard time, and I'd go home and just like Titi would be there. And I just was like, "Oh my God." She just made everything better, but she witnessed everything. And so part of this grief is that you don't, this sweet little baby, she just- kind of took all of that with her when she left. And And yeah, it's hard. So what I think I wanna say about it today is that death is something that reminds you how to live, and death of this sweet baby, this sweet angel dog, really reminds me of the depth of my own emotions, and really reminds me that in a world where, if I'm being honest, I often feel like I'm too much. I can feel when people want to recoil from me because I'm being too much, and so I just kinda tamper that down. And I don't always fully express myself because I just, you know, I can feel them getting uncomfortable. But I think my biggest lesson here is that I'm kinda done with that. So I will be sharing my grief and my pain and my joy and all of it, and I think that that's actually the way that we're all meant to live, is like being able to feel safe in all of those emotions and go, "You know what? I'm just gonna feel this, and it's okay, and I'm, I'm gonna be fine." I mean, eventually I'll be fine. I am not fine right now, to be clear, if you haven't caught on. But the truth is that when you have life events like this, it just really reminds you that life is meant to be lived, and not one moment should be taken for granted. And, you know, I'm really happy for all of the time I got with her. I just... Man, 13 years was not long enough. The number of years you have with your dog is just never long enough. But- Those 13 years were, like, one of the best chapters of my life maybe the best chapter of my life so far. And so yeah, I just, I wanted to come on and I guess just do, like, a quick episode about reminding you to feel all of your emotions, the depth of your pain and the depth of your grief, and then also, the depth of your joy because that's what living is really all about. So I do feel a bit, feel like I've been pretty unfiltered on this podcast so far, but it kinda feels like it's gonna become even more so as I move through this particular life event and as I kind of start teaching more on, you know, what all my coaching is about. And I had this post last week, which, yeah, I guess I didn't think I was gonna talk about this, but I had this post about last week about about, like, a perfectionism wound. And I kind of felt a little nervous to share it because I just thought, like, "Eh, it's gonna make people feel uncomfortable." Well, guess what? I make people feel uncomfortable a lot, but I guess that's just who I am. But also, you know, I say that with a grain of salt because also, uh, you know, on the flip side of that, I just had a client say, "You make me feel so safe." And so when I say I make people feel uncomfortable, it's just because they're seeing something in me that's, like, reflecting it back to them that they're, you know, m- that they need to deal with, and that's okay. So first, actually, before I share about this little post, I just... I would encourage you to just... Yeah, and I'm gonna repeat this about a million times, like, life is meant to be lived. Say things you wanna say, express your emotions how you're gonna express your emotions. And yeah, feel all of it. Life was meant to be felt. Life was meant to be lived, and every part of it is good, and every part of it teaches us something. I, maybe I I'm gonna backtrack there. Every part of it isn't good, 'cause what I just experienced was awful and still is awful, but I will say that every part of it is just the life experience. We signed up for this when we came here. So last week, I was feeling a little bit like, "Ew, I shared this post, and it was gonna, it was gonna rub some people the wrong way, and ah." But now I could, Do you know how much I could care about rubbing people the wrong way? Zero. And I don't mean that from, like, an un- I don't mean that from an unkind way. I'm not out here trying to trigger people. This is just, these are my thoughts, and people happen to be triggered by them. That's not my fault. That's what I work, that's what I work through with people, is how to move through your triggers, knowing that your triggers are like your light posts. Like, I've said that so many times. But this one in particular, I felt a little bit like, "Ah," because I see it so much. And people don't love being called out about this. But it's about being a perfectionist. And I guess this also ties back into, like, your emotions, because sharing your emotions and living out loud and living the biggest, brightest version of yourself from, like, the depths of your pain to the, depths of your joy is just, You're gonna be perfect at that, right? So this post was all about your perfectionism wounds. And I think a lot of people don't think that what I'm about to say is a perfectionism woo- wound, but it is. So I'm just gonna kinda take you through it. So- When you are a person who, and I know some of you like this, you take all the courses, you heal, you think you're doing, uh, I don't wanna say you think you're doing. You are doing, like, a bunch of, like, healing work. You are doing 4,500 sound baths. You're going to yoga. You're meditating. You're going on your run. You are journaling in your journal, but you're not actually doing anything. All you're doing is just being addicted to healing, saying that Once I heal this, I'll be a, you know, I'll be successful. I'll get to where I wanna be. I'll know the next right step. And I wanna say that that is actually a perfectionism wound, this idea that you have to be perfect before you take your next step in life. Well, guess what? Life is messy. Life is messy, and it's meant to be experienced, not just in your head all the time. It's meant to be experienced out loud in the world doing things. And so if you never take one step forward because you're all in your head about trying to be the perfect version of yourself before you do that, you're actually just literally never gonna get anywhere. And I see this a lot with 5/1 profile lines. I know because I am one. But I also know because I know people like this, clients like this. And it's definitely not just a 5/1 thing. It's, a lot of times it's... no. Actually, I was gonna say it's like a woman thing, but it's not. I know men like this too. So I wanna encourage you to know that part of your journey is actually just taking a step forward. And you might tell me, like, "Well, I, I don't even know what that means. I don't know what my next step is. I don't know what it is. I, ugh, I just... What am I gonna do? You know what? I'm just gonna, I'm gonna go do this one more course. I'm gonna hire this one more person. I'm gonna do one more, human design reading, astrology reading. I'm gonna do one more of those, and then once I actually figure out who I am, I'll take a step forward, because the last thing I wanna do is take a step forward and realize it was the wrong step." And I can guarantee you, you're never gonna know any of the steps if you don't just take one step. You are committed to this idea that you don't deserve to take any steps until you're fully healed, and you have this idea that you have to be perfect before that, before you do that, and you have such fear around making the wrong move that you're gonna go for years on years on years on years on years literally doing nothing. Doing nothing. You're gonna be just like an intellectual just knowing more shit about yourself but never actually doing anything about it. And the reason you actually get into healing and you get into, you know, hiring a coach like myself or one of my mentors is to actually move your life forward. It's not to just get there and be like, "I'm in a constant state of healing, changing my perspective. One day I will know it all. I will be the guru of my own life." No, bitch, you won't if you keep not doing anything after all of the courses you take. You're not going anywhere, and I know that sounds really blunt, and I know that sounds really harsh, but you're not going anywhere. So what I would tell you is, one, maybe hire me. I don't know. I do know, because I will help you through this. But yeah, say that with a full chest. You should just hire me. Because what we're gonna work through is actually taking baby steps through your fear and through your through your thoughts on being worthy for something, and I'm gonna take it back to Titi really quick. You think my sweet angel dog ever wondered if she was worthy of dinner? No. Sister thought she was worthy of dinner and breakfast every minute of the day. She thought... Well, and she was, to be honest, but I just... You guys, you gotta keep a schedule. Use that as just a little quick parallel here is, like, do you think, dogs and animals and, anything that is, like, a part of nature is thinking to itself, "Am I worthy of this?" Do you think that, like, the grass is sitting there going like, "Am I worthy of the rain?" No, the grass is going like, "I fucking need some water, and I'm thirsty." I you know "I'm gonna take all this rain in. I'm gonna take in the water from the sprinklers. I feel so much fucking better." Nature doesn't work like that, and we are inherently a part of nature. And so what I'm saying is stop Stop forcing yourself to stay stuck because you're so scared of not being perfect and not making the right move. When we work together, we start breaking down what that path looks like to move forward. We go, "Okay, what's that baby step? You gonna do that baby step? Great. I'm gonna be your accountability. You're gonna have a freak-out about it? Cool. I'm here for you. Let's work through it. Let's work through why you're having that. Let's work through how to dissolve that. Let's work through how to close the loop on that pattern so you stop feeling like that as you move forward." Because the more that you move forward and the more you take baby steps towards whatever Because it's all information, right? If you take six baby steps towards one goal of yours, and then you decide that this isn't the goal anymore, that's just information. You just figured out this isn't the goal. It's not a failure. But if you didn't do it, you wouldn't be able to cross that path off the list. You can't cross the path off a list if you haven't experienced it. It's always gonna be dwindling in the back of your mind. No, experience it. You're gonna learn something. You're gonna take something from it. This is life. It's meant to be lived. There are lessons meant to be learned. Stop hiding under your desk and in the corner not living your life because you're too fucking scared, and I say that so kindly. But this is why you have a coach. This is why you work with a person, so that you can start living out loud. You can start experiencing life, and sometimes you're right. Sometimes it's hard, and sometimes you're gonna get it wrong, but that is the whole purpose. You're gonna take what you got wrong, and you're gonna do it differently. It's really not that big a deal. It's not that big a deal. Maybe your pride hurts. Cool, we'll work through that. We'll work through your ego. We'll work through all of the shit that feels hard. But what I am literally so tired of seeing, and I guess this is where I get a little bit unhinged, is people not living their lives to their fullest because they You guys are so stuck. Because you're so stuck, and you're so scared of taking a step. But if you s- don't take any step in any direction whatsoever, if you don't get the help that you need, you will do this for years, and you will lose years of li- years of your life You will lose years of your life because you It was always like, "Well, I didn't know, and then I kinda halfway took that step. I kind of fully, kinda halfway took that step, and I don't know. I didn't like it. It felt uncomfortable, and, like, what are people gonna think about me?" And it's like, who the fuck cares? I'm literally on this podcast being like, my dog died, and I'm having a really hard time, and also, here's your les- here's your lesson. Not everybody's gonna wanna hear that, and not everybody's gonna love this episode, and respectfully, that's fine. I don't have to be your bag of tea. But if I am, I can certainly help you through this, and if I am, I can certainly hold your hand, and I can hold kindness, and I can hold a lot of safe space for you to move through this because I'm sick and tired of seeing people not live their lives because they're scared and not choose the thing that feels, you know, quote-unquote, "risky" to them. I'm tired of it. I'm really, really tired of it because we could all be living much bigger, happier, fully lives if we learned how to say what we want, if we learned how to figure out what we want, if we learned that if we're not even sure what we want, but we can actually just take a step forward no matter what, and that's just information, instead of taking you know, deciding that, that, that step you make forward is the craziest shit you're ever gonna do, and maybe it is. Not downplaying it because maybe it is for some of you, and that's, that is okay, right? We'll work through that, too. But What I am saying is like, stop putting that on a pedestal too, too. Stop. You're making it way too hard. You're making it too hard. Like I said, I didn't really know where this episode was gonna go. I just thought I wanted to talk about feelings. But now that I'm deep into this, I do want to talk about this, like, wound of perfectionism and this wound of, like, feeling so afraid to live. But you were meant to live, and you were given this life to have all the emotions, to have failure, to have success, to come home to yourself where you feel good, and where you feel strong, and where you feel like you can support your own emotional needs, and where you feel like you've created a safe space with friends and family, where you've created a life that feels really, God, so embodied, and so just well-lived. Because I swear to you, if you keep repeating the same shit where you're not doing anything with your life, and you keep complaining about the same things, it will not change. It won't change. And it's not because you're complaining, it's 'cause you're not doing anything. But, like, complaining feels really safe to you. Complaining is your pattern. Complaining is safety. Your victimhood is your safety net. You feel actually super safe being the victim of your circumstances instead of owning them and going, "You know what? This is a choice. I made choices that got me here. Cool. I..." Cool. You did. Absolutely, you did. We all do. We are all a d- we are all the sum of our own circumstances, and the sum of our own... or not circumstances, the sum of our own choices. And so I just highly encourage you, if you are somebody who's feeling stuck in their lives, but you, you... and you're seeing this pattern within yourself where you're just like, "I don't know what to do, and what do I do with my life, and what do I do?" Well, maybe stop asking what to do, and learn how to take a step forward. And maybe, just maybe- Hire me because I literally will help you move through this shit because when I tell you I want to see you live a life that feels authentic to you and feels good to you, whatever that looks like, I want that so much. I want that so much and I understand it so much because I have been a person who tried to be perfect before I made the first move, who, lived, kind of, For example, I didn't tell people I wanted to be an actor for years 'cause I thought, "Oh my God, they're gonna judge me and like everybody wants to be an actor when you live in LA and la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. And what are they gonna think?" And who cares? Who cares? But I'm telling you that I have lived experience in this and I can help you through it and I just want to see you win so badly and that is the reason that I do what I do. And I didn't actually mean for this whole episode to turn into me being like, "This is why you hire me," but actually this is why you hire me because I have never been more, I have never been more on fire to help people live authentically and to live really big, beautiful, joyful, deep, emotional, amazing, authentic lives than I have been today and than I have been in this moment. And so if you have questions about that, I have links in my show notes about what my coaching offers look like. I do believe I also have my email address in there if you have questions. But life is meant to be lived and if you are struggling to live it in a way that feels good to you and you're just ho-hum every day and like you are consistently on a weekly basis just like trying, throwing, not even trying to throw spaghetti at the wall because you're just like, "I don't know. I don't know. Maybe one more course, maybe one more course will teach me who I am," no, it won't. It won't. Life teaches you who you are. Life urges you to make moves and in that, that's where you learn. You learn on the playground and like you learn by doing. So with that I leave you with that impassioned speech about living life authentically and living it to the fullest, and I would love to help you in this area. I'm clearly very passionate about it, and yeah. Again, maybe I'll have an episode about TD in the next coming weeks. I'm still moving through it, through the thick of it. But I'm gonna be moving through it pretty loudly, because my grief is deep, but the joy that I felt in all of those years with her was just as deep. And so I will be living all of that fully out loud. And although that might make people uncomfortable, I really couldn't give a shit less, and I, I don't think you should either when you have your big, beautiful one life that you get to live. So I will leave you with that. Like I said, you can get in touch with me in the show notes links. Fi- actually, yeah, that's the best way to do it, is I've got links for what kind of coaching options I have. But I also... Just follow me on Instagram, send me a DM, and if you have questions, we can chat through it. Okay. I leave you with that this week. Go live a life that feels good to you, even when it's hard, even through, when you're moving through something difficult. Like, life is meant to be lived, and I hope that you do just that. All right. Have a good one, and I will be back next week. Thank you for joining me on today's episode. If something resonated with you, then we are probably best friends. And friends rate, review, and share episodes. If you wanna stay connected, you can find me on Instagram at Mary Kate McDonald. That's Mary C-A-T-E McDonald. If you want more information on coaching or wanna keep connected in my weekly newsletter, you can find that in the show notes. Thanks again for joining me on today's episode. I'm looking forward to catching you in the next one, and just a reminder that it's not that serious, even when it is