Episode 1 - The Inheritance

William is set to inherit $40 million—until his grandfather adds one condition: run a business for two years. The problem? The “business” turns out to be something he never saw coming. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:03

And finally, to my grandson William, I leave forty million dollars. Yes! And all real estate, including buildings, outbuildings, and property within. Located at 7658 Henderson Way. William, a handsome grin and witty comeback. We'll only get you so far in life. Please understand I had no choice but to do what I have done. Wait, wa uh w what's he talking about?

SPEAKER_01 0:38

Excuse me, Crispin, uh are we through here?

SPEAKER_04 0:41

Well well we we just need to finish, Master Williams.

SPEAKER_03 0:44

I'm done here too, partner. I got a shiload of things to do.

SPEAKER_04 0:50

Well the only remaining portions of the will pertain to Master William. Uh but uh wait, do you do you guys know about this?

SPEAKER_07 1:00

What's he talking about?

SPEAKER_01 1:01

Then I'll be leaving. I'm coming with you, mother. We must make plans to visit my new diamond mine in Botswana. Oh, how I miss you so, grandfather.

SPEAKER_03 1:15

You do know about swanas in Africa, my little buttercup.

SPEAKER_01 1:19

It is not! You lie!

SPEAKER_03 1:21

Oh, why would I lie about that? Shot a water buffalo down there once. Foul, foul creatures they are.

SPEAKER_01 1:31

I'm googling it.

SPEAKER_04 1:34

Well, uh, Master William, I guess it's just us. Hey, what's going on, Crispin? What's the catch? How should I say this? Um Your grandfather was afraid too much, too soon, would turn you into a p complete fuck-up. Aw, come on! W what did he do?

SPEAKER_07 1:57

Am I getting the money or not?

SPEAKER_04 1:59

Oh, you're getting the money. Uh when you turn forty.

SPEAKER_07 2:03

Forty? Oh, Jesus Crispin Christ! What good is it gonna do me then?

SPEAKER_04 2:07

Uh yes, uh because forty is uh such an advanced age.

SPEAKER_07 2:13

Ah shit. Come, I had plans! You know my bandmates are picking out new equipment as we speak. What am I gonna tell them?

SPEAKER_04 2:20

How about get a job?

SPEAKER_07 2:22

That's not funny, Crispin. Can I fight this? Can I hire my own lawyer and fight it?

SPEAKER_04 2:28

Of course you can. Although I'd advise against it.

SPEAKER_07 2:32

Sure you would. Yeah, you're the one who wrote all this crap for my grandfather to begin with.

SPEAKER_04 2:37

William Your grandfather confided in me just what a bright and industrious young man he thought you were. We spoke at length about the best ways to nurture that. Oh don't give me this shit, Crispin, I'm not in the mood. There is a way for you to get your money sooner.

SPEAKER_07 2:59

Alright. Yeah, now you're talking, let's hear it.

SPEAKER_04 3:03

The property your grandfather left you. Run a business out of there for two years. And the money is yours.

SPEAKER_07 3:11

Two years? Why didn't you say something sooner, too? That's way better than like uh shit.

SPEAKER_04 3:20

Seventeen years. You're twenty-three. The the money will be yours when you turn forty. That's seventeen years.

SPEAKER_07 3:30

Oh, you did that in your head? What are you some kind of math guru?

SPEAKER_04 3:33

Yes, Master William. That makes me a math guru. Let's say we meet at your new property tomorrow at one. I'll hand the keys over and answer any questions you may have. Alright, cool. One o'clock, alright. You mean like you mean like one o'clock Vegas time, right? Yes. We are in Las Vegas, so yes, one o'clock Las Vegas time. Okay then.

SPEAKER_07 3:58

Uh thank you, Crispin. Uh, my grandfather was very lucky to have you for all those years.

SPEAKER_04 4:03

Yes, he was, wasn't he? Industrious indeed.

SPEAKER_07 4:16

Forty isn't that old. Don't bother, Kim. It's not gonna work.

SPEAKER_08 4:20

Your grandfather literally fucked us, dude. It's like he climbed out of the grave and pulled out.

SPEAKER_06 4:24

Shut up, Tito.

SPEAKER_08 4:26

You shut up, Steph.

SPEAKER_06 4:27

But what was he thinking? I mean, we're on the cusp of greatness here. And he's like, I think I'll give Dotty a diamond mine and give Willie a the high hard one.

SPEAKER_09 4:37

Jesus, Sal. How about a little compassion? And besides, Grandpa Martin bought almost all the equipment in this room.

SPEAKER_05 4:45

Kim's right, you morons. We have everything we need right here. If we can't make it as a band, it's on us.

SPEAKER_08 4:52

You dudes don't get it. Talent will only get you so far.

SPEAKER_05 4:54

That's not true.

SPEAKER_08 4:56

It is. Colonel Paco was the greatest band to ever take.

SPEAKER_05 5:02

Nobody's ever heard of them because they suck, okay? End of story.

SPEAKER_07 5:06

Fuck the rules. Alright, come on. My grandpa did what he did, and this is our new reality.

SPEAKER_06 5:12

Yeah. Well, this is what I think of our new reality.

SPEAKER_05 5:23

Really? You sure know how to turn a girl on, Sal.

SPEAKER_09 5:28

You love it! You said something about some property? What's the story with that?

SPEAKER_07 5:34

Yeah, you left me some building out in Henderson that I can run a business out of.

SPEAKER_05 5:40

Well, that could be fun.

SPEAKER_07 5:41

Run a business? Like what kind of business? I don't know. Can you sell it? Get us some quick cash? I didn't ask, but I doubt it. That would be too easy. You just need to sit your parents down and tell them. Barb and Charles are done supporting my music career, right? They're after me to get a real job.

unknown 5:58

Huh.

SPEAKER_06 5:58

Maybe I'll talk to Barb. I've seen the way she looks at me.

SPEAKER_07 6:02

Yeah. Like she wants to kill you.

SPEAKER_06 6:04

Man, pfft. I'm telling you, there's there's something going on.

SPEAKER_07 6:08

Sal, the last time she spoke your name, she called you a particularly vile pig.

SPEAKER_09 6:14

You see, she talks about me.

SPEAKER_08 6:16

What else did she say?

SPEAKER_09 6:18

You know, running a business could be cool.

SPEAKER_08 6:20

We have very different ideas of cool, Kimmy.

SPEAKER_09 6:23

We could run a music store out of it. Have all sorts of guitars and amps and drums, and we could give lessons.

SPEAKER_07 6:32

That's not a bad idea. Yeah, maybe if it's big enough, we could set up a little recording studio. Dude, are you serious? Why not? Well, I mean, I haven't seen the space or anything, but I I'm sure we can make it work.

SPEAKER_09 6:44

What's the address? Let's look it up.

SPEAKER_07 6:46

I didn't even get it.

SPEAKER_08 6:47

Crispin said it, but Crispin, I love the way you guys call him Crispin. No mister or first name, just Crispin.

SPEAKER_07 6:54

That's who he is. He's Crispin. Guy's like a math genius. He just stands there and spews out numbers.

SPEAKER_05 7:02

You know, you could use someone like that to help out with the books. At least to get started. No books! We're selling guitars and shit. The books, you idiot. Like where you track all your money?

SPEAKER_07 7:13

Yeah, it's a great idea, Steph. Yeah, we'll have to talk to him about it tomorrow.

SPEAKER_09 7:17

This is all gonna require mutual generic. Yeah, we're talking about a lot of inventory.

SPEAKER_07 7:23

Dude, take out a load against your building. I love how this all falls on me. Like there's five of us, but when it comes to money, you know.

SPEAKER_08 7:30

Oh, cry me a river, Rich Boy. Come on. Are we gonna practice or what?

SPEAKER_05 7:44

7658 Henderson. I'm telling you this is it!

SPEAKER_07 7:48

Nah, man, it's supposed to be a storefront. Crispin must have sent me the wrong address.

SPEAKER_09 7:53

It's so pretty sitting up on the hill like that.

SPEAKER_06 7:57

Look at the size of it! It's huge! The driveway has to be like half a mile long!

SPEAKER_08 8:03

And those columns. It looks like fucking Rome or something. Silver Meadows? Holy shit, it's a fucking old folks home! A geezer ghetto? A bingo boneyard?

SPEAKER_09 8:15

A wrinkle resort? Um Muttonhead Manor?

SPEAKER_06 8:19

Muttonhead Manor?

SPEAKER_09 8:21

Ugh, it's not that bad.

SPEAKER_06 8:23

Yeah, yeah, it is.

SPEAKER_07 8:25

I'm looking forward to meeting the Crispinator. Don't act like a couple of morons in front of Crispin. This guy's got like balls in a vice, so please don't piss him off. Jesus, well? Why'd you even bring us?

SPEAKER_08 8:36

Really? If we're that embarrassing, we'll just wait in the car. Come on.

SPEAKER_07 8:40

Until I get that money, Crispin's gonna be part of my life. Probably not if you do the math.

SPEAKER_01 8:47

That's horrible, Sal.

SPEAKER_08 8:48

I bet old Crispin could do that math in his head.

SPEAKER_07 8:51

Ah shit, there he is. I was still hoping it was the wrong place.

SPEAKER_05 8:55

Keep an open mind now. He doesn't necessarily have to end our plants.

SPEAKER_06 9:00

Our plants just got punched in the nuts. Oh my god, what the fuck, dude? Wow, Sal. What's wrong with you? It's fine. Come on, Tito, and no tomfoolery.

SPEAKER_04 9:15

Master William.

SPEAKER_07 9:17

Hey, Crispin, and uh just just call me William.

SPEAKER_09 9:22

Hi, Crispin. I'm Kim. I've heard a lot about you.

SPEAKER_04 9:26

It is nice to meet you, Kimberly.

SPEAKER_07 9:28

Ah, yeah, and uh this is Steph.

SPEAKER_08 9:31

Hi.

SPEAKER_07 9:32

That muttonhead is Tito.

SPEAKER_08 9:34

Are you kidding me? Crispin and I go way back.

SPEAKER_04 9:37

We do? No, I'm just messing with you. Ah. Good one.

SPEAKER_06 9:42

Oh, dude, he killed you. Hey, Crispin! Salvatore Sariago!

SPEAKER_04 9:47

Mr. Sariago, a pleasure.

SPEAKER_07 9:50

So, this is this is it, huh? What am I supposed to do with this, Crispin?

SPEAKER_04 9:54

Let's go inside and have a look. Then we'll talk.

SPEAKER_07 9:58

I don't suppose it has a gaming license, does it? I'm afraid not, William.

SPEAKER_05 10:05

Oh my god, look at the carpet!

SPEAKER_07 10:07

Wow, it's uh big pink flowers. Lovely.

SPEAKER_09 10:15

Oh, but it sets off the mint green walls beautifully.

SPEAKER_06 10:19

Why is all the furniture plastic?

SPEAKER_09 10:22

Probably just cheap.

SPEAKER_08 10:24

Nah. Old people are always spilling stuff. This just makes it easier to clean up. No.

SPEAKER_07 10:30

Yeah, if you think about it, you know, maybe they're older. Maybe they don't have such good control anymore.

SPEAKER_05 10:36

Ew, they pee on them! What? Where's the bathroom? Where's the bathroom, Crispin?

SPEAKER_04 10:42

Hmm. Well, if that sign is to be believed, they're through that door.

SPEAKER_09 10:50

Out of the way, coming through.

SPEAKER_07 10:53

I don't get it, Crispin. Is this a joke or something? I mean. What he means, Crispin, is what the fuck, dude.

SPEAKER_08 11:00

Well put! Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 11:01

While crude, I understand your sentiment, Master Tito.

SPEAKER_06 11:09

Master Tito! You're killing me, Crispin!

SPEAKER_04 11:13

I lobbied your grandfather for something more age appropriate. But he was rather adamant that this was the place for you.

SPEAKER_07 11:24

A nursing home? Why would he think that I would want this for myself?

SPEAKER_04 11:28

I do not know, William. What I do know is that there are sufficient funds set aside to renovate the property and hire an experienced staff to assist you in running it.

SPEAKER_07 11:41

No. No way am I running a fucking nursing home. Alright, coming in here every day to staffing problems and and and sick and dying people? I'll never make it two years. What we miss? Crispin wants him to like run the place or something.

SPEAKER_04 11:54

As director, you will draw a generous salary and I don't want this, Crispin!

SPEAKER_07 12:00

I don't want any of it!

SPEAKER_04 12:01

And the time will go fast.

SPEAKER_07 12:04

You you you don't understand. I'm not doing this. Alright? This place can sit here and rot for all I care. Come on, let's get out of here.

SPEAKER_09 12:14

Hold on, well. You only have to do it for two years, right?

SPEAKER_06 12:18

Yeah. Come on, dude. That's nothing. Took you six to finish high school. Shut up, Sal.

SPEAKER_05 12:24

Take a year to renovate the place. Then you'll just have one year with residence.

SPEAKER_07 12:28

Residence?

SPEAKER_05 12:29

Then the money will be yours. If he still doesn't want this in two years, can he sell the building, Crispin?

SPEAKER_04 12:35

After two years, he is free to do as he pleases with the property.

SPEAKER_08 12:39

Let me ask you this, Crispin. Does the business have to be a success?

SPEAKER_07 12:43

Yeah. And what happens if I really suck at it and I fail miserably?

SPEAKER_04 12:47

Then you will still have fulfilled the requirements. Thank you, Crispin.

SPEAKER_08 12:52

That'll be all. What are you doing, Tito? What? We've seen the place. You know what you have to do. Why waste any more of Crispin's time?

SPEAKER_04 12:58

Oh, in fact, I do have another appointment I must attend.

SPEAKER_08 13:02

Then by all means, thank you for your time, my friend. It has been jolly good fun. Pip pip Cheerio.

SPEAKER_04 13:08

Indeed.

SPEAKER_09 13:12

What was that, Tito?

SPEAKER_08 13:14

Yeah, you practically threw him out. Didn't you guys hear it? Hear what? The place doesn't have to be a success. So? So? We charge a ridiculous amount of money and make some stupid rules no one will ever follow. And when no one shows up, we just sit around and collect our paychecks.

SPEAKER_09 13:32

You can't do that! The hell I can't! Tito, you're a genius! You'll never hear that again.

SPEAKER_07 13:55

Yeah, I was wondering when we'd see you again. William. And friends.

SPEAKER_09 14:01

Hi, Crispin. Hey.

SPEAKER_07 14:03

So we've done a lot of work, uh you have our checks?

SPEAKER_04 14:06

The place looks exactly the same, except for all the musical equipment.

SPEAKER_06 14:12

It's what you don't see that's important, my man.

SPEAKER_04 14:15

Hmm. And what would that be, Mr. Sariago?

SPEAKER_07 14:20

Dad! You remembered my name! Told you he's like a genius.

SPEAKER_04 14:24

Yes, it's amazing what the brain maintains when it's not bombarded with cannabis and alcohol on a daily basis.

SPEAKER_07 14:32

Oh, whoa, hey, take it easy there, mom! Yeah, we actually have done a lot of work. Yeah, well, at least Steph has. Show him the website, Steph.

SPEAKER_04 14:40

I am familiar with the website. Rock Meadows, the world's finest assisted living facility for today's aging rock star. Rock hard. Rest easy. Rock Meadows.

SPEAKER_08 14:57

Just kind of flows, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_04 14:59

Like molasses uphill. You designed the site, Stephanie.

SPEAKER_05 15:04

Well, everyone contributed. I took all the ideas and she's being modest. She did the whole thing. With everyone's input.

SPEAKER_04 15:12

Hmm. Very impressive, Stephanie. You have a flair.

SPEAKER_05 15:17

Thank you, Crispin.

SPEAKER_07 15:19

So besides me drawing my director's salary, Steph is my IT person. Kim is the wellness director, Tito is in charge of maintenance, and Sal is my pain management director. No, I'm the dietitian. Sorry, my dietitian. So you'll have to put them all in the payroll. Are these salaries negotiable? How how does it work?

SPEAKER_04 15:41

There will be no salaries, Master William.

SPEAKER_07 15:44

Hey, dude, we're trying here.

SPEAKER_04 15:47

No, you're not. I saw Master Tito's Master Tito eyes light up when he asked if the business needed to be a success. You have no intention of running a business. And quite frankly, I'm making a mockery of the situation. Therefore, there will be no salaries.

SPEAKER_07 16:08

Bullshit, Crispin. We're open and we're ready for business. I've incorporated and filed all the necessary paperwork with the state. We passed all inspections on Tuesday. Impossible. Impossible indeed. Let's just say it helps when your dad is owed favors by powerful people. Now, Crispin? Let's not let this get on.

SPEAKER_04 16:28

Oh, it's ugly already, William. You believe you've found a loophole in our agreement. But you are mistaken. A judge will see. You have no intentions of- What do you mean?

SPEAKER_07 16:40

Look at the website! We're open for business!

SPEAKER_04 16:43

Fine. Let's look at the website. Here, I'd like to see the Rock Meadows penthouse suites renting for a mere forty-nine million dollars a year.

SPEAKER_07 16:56

There are actually twelve penthouse suites. The east and the west wings of the fourth floor. Those floors aren't even finished yet. We're calling it rustic.

SPEAKER_04 17:06

And the rules. No family visitation ever. That was my idea.

SPEAKER_07 17:12

Yeah, we figured if you're paying 49 million dollars to be here, you don't want your family around trying to scrounge money off you, right?

SPEAKER_04 17:19

This is absurd. I will not be party to it. I will see you in court.

SPEAKER_07 17:25

I've done everything I had to do, Crispin.

SPEAKER_04 17:28

If I have to get another lawyer to fight you, I will Well, I'd advise you do, if this is truly your plan.

SPEAKER_07 17:35

Here's a list of our salary demands.

SPEAKER_04 17:38

Demands.

SPEAKER_07 17:40

I want checks by Tuesday.

SPEAKER_04 17:42

There will be no checks.

SPEAKER_00 17:44

Then we'll Ah, pardon. I'd like to tore a penthouse suite if one is still available.

SPEAKER_04 17:51

Holy shit.

SPEAKER_09 17:53

Is that McFuckin' Jagger?

SPEAKER_04 17:57

Well, Master William. It appears as if I was wrong, I will leave you to your duties. Good day.

SPEAKER_00 18:08

Let me ask, does that price include a meal plan?

SPEAKER_08 18:13

Next time, on Rock Meadows. You made 49 million in one night?

SPEAKER_07 18:18

And now I'm responsible for someone's life. Who is here first? Excuse me, who is here first?

SPEAKER_02 18:25

Who's in charge here? I demand to speak with whoever's in charge. Fuck you, Hatley! Rock Meadows. Featuring Dan McCrae as Chris, Tom Payne as Willie, Elliot Train as Willie's dad, Sas Clyde as Willie's mom, Daniel Fliller plays Tom, Matt Sind as Sal, Trina Doohart as Steph, Christina Roxy plays Ken, Seth Armstrong as Tito, and John White as Mick Jagger.