Episode 3 - Shut Up and Swing

Rock Meadows is officially open—and things are already out of control.

What started as a simple plan to avoid work has turned into a complete disaster. The residents are arriving, the staff is clueless, and the rules? What rules?

When a simple shuffle board game turns violent and one of their biggest residents takes a hit, the reality sets in:

Figure it out......or someone is going to get hurt. 

Rock Meadows. Old-time radio with a rock and roll mouth. You’ve been warned.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Should we go talk to him? What the hell do you say to Big Jagger?

SPEAKER_15 0:07

Please call me me. I'm gonna give him his money back and end this before we get sued or accidentally killed him.

SPEAKER_11 0:13

Dude, it's 45 million dollars. Oh, very kind.

SPEAKER_15 0:18

A bunch of rubbing assholes.

SPEAKER_01 0:23

What are we going to do with What are they all small?

SPEAKER_02 0:27

Dude, Don Henley! Who's in charge here? I demand to speak with whoever's in charge.

SPEAKER_08 0:35

Holy crap, Will! Dude, are you kidding me? How did you get all this done in one week?

SPEAKER_15 0:40

Hey, well, where there's a will and 49 million dollars, there's a way.

SPEAKER_08 0:47

The black ceiling is so cool. And the charred walls? Are they coated in something?

SPEAKER_15 0:52

Yeah, they sprayed some of that crap on them to keep all the ashes and stuff from falling. Also blocked the smoke odor.

SPEAKER_08 0:58

That's the one I can't believe. It doesn't smell at all in here.

SPEAKER_11 1:02

Where are the gargoyles come from, man? They're so cool. Uh, it's all gene stuff from old tours.

SPEAKER_01 1:08

Did you get him into another suite?

SPEAKER_15 1:10

Uh nope. Uh says he'll wait and make out. He's been sleeping in my office.

SPEAKER_01 1:15

Instead of his own room?

SPEAKER_15 1:16

He's a peculiar guy.

SPEAKER_01 1:18

So we have another 30 new employees showing up for orientation. Is everybody ready?

SPEAKER_15 1:23

I thought you were handling that, Steph.

SPEAKER_01 1:25

I did the last time. Now it's somebody else's turn.

SPEAKER_11 1:27

I'll take the maintenance crew around. We have a pretty good list made up.

SPEAKER_08 1:30

I'm working with residents. You didn't hire any yoga instructors or anything, did you? No, just nurses. Lots of nurses.

SPEAKER_15 1:38

I have an idea, Steph. You find the Why me? Because we're having our first committee meeting this morning. Find the person who seems the most competent and put them in charge. Tell them they can have whatever they need.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

I guess I can do that. Who wound up on the committee?

SPEAKER_15 1:53

What a battle that was. So wound up being me, Gene, of course, uh, Paul Stanley, Angus Young, uh Bono, Joe Perry, and Steven Tyler from Aerosmith, and the last cherry will rotate. Rob Halford from Judas Priest holds it this month.

SPEAKER_08 2:11

Wow. Not a single woman.

SPEAKER_15 2:14

Don't give me that. Rock's always been male dominant.

SPEAKER_08 2:17

No!

SPEAKER_01 2:18

The rock you listen to tends to be male dominated.

SPEAKER_15 2:21

What? What?

SPEAKER_02 2:22

What seems to be the problem here?

SPEAKER_03 2:24

The girls are pissed because there aren't any women on the selection committee.

SPEAKER_02 2:27

I don't blame them. It was a terrible oversight. And I promised to do everything in my power to write this wrong.

SPEAKER_08 2:32

I'm impressed, Gene. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 2:35

And I will be nominating several females today at the meeting for residency here at Rock Meadows.

SPEAKER_01 2:40

Good for you, Gene. You bozos could learn a thing or two from him. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna get ready for orientation.

SPEAKER_08 2:48

Hold on, I'm coming with you. Good luck today, guys.

SPEAKER_15 2:54

Thanks, Gene.

SPEAKER_02 2:55

You made us look like a bunch of pigs. It's really not that difficult to speak to women, you know. You listen to them, you understand what they want to hear, and you say it to them.

SPEAKER_03 3:04

You didn't mean any of that?

SPEAKER_02 3:06

Please, name a female rock star who's owned a spot on this committee.

SPEAKER_15 3:10

Stevie Nix, Anne and Nancy Wilson, Chrissy Hind, Pat Manitar. Eh, marginal. Oh, you want me to keep going? Okay, uh Joan Jett.

SPEAKER_02 3:22

Joan Jet. Learn a third chord. Then come talk to me, Joan Jett. Woo! Gene! Let's get this meeting started.

SPEAKER_15 3:30

Luke is coming to bust my chest hair today. Mr. Stanley, I am William Martin, owner here at Rock Meadows. It's an honor to have you here.

SPEAKER_12 3:39

Let's hope you can live up to that honor, Master William.

SPEAKER_15 3:42

Haha, um, uh, don't don't call me that.

unknown 3:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 3:50

Here I call this meeting to order.

SPEAKER_04 3:52

Why does he get to call the bloody meeting to order?

SPEAKER_17 3:55

Yeah, baby do bad! Bada daw yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_15 4:01

We're all equal here, Simmons! Tell yourself whatever you have to, Stephen Tyler. Guys, come on. We're not gonna get anywhere if we bicker all morning. And I hear they're showing price's right reruns this week with Bob Barker, so you know, you're gonna want to get back for that.

SPEAKER_05 4:17

Piss on Drew Carey.

SPEAKER_02 4:18

Angus, I have to ask, the outfit. Do you wear it every day? Do you wear that mop on your head every day? Fuck you, Stephen Tyler! Gene, come on. No, I mean it. Fuck you, Stephen Tyler. And fuck you, Joe Perry! I I didn't even say anything. Yeah, but you're sitting there with that stupid look on your face.

SPEAKER_12 4:37

It is defense. He always looked like that, Gene.

SPEAKER_04 4:41

Uh thanks, Stanley. I think enough with the stupidity. Let's get this meeting started.

SPEAKER_02 4:49

Right me, Rob Halford. By the way, all those studs and spikes and nonsense. They gotta go. What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_12 4:57

Gene is right, people. The last thing the star child needs is to scrape his creepy skin against one of those studs. I'm a bleeder!

SPEAKER_04 5:06

I'm with them. They just look dangerous.

SPEAKER_10 5:10

Dangerous. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 5:14

Try some scars! Here! I got like 50 on! I don't want your bloody scars.

SPEAKER_14 5:21

I fail to see how any of this arguing is going to save one black rhino in Africa. A continent I visit frequently. Have any of you been? Shut the hell up, Bono! It's Bono Simmons! Bono!

SPEAKER_02 5:36

What I said. Bono! What the hell is he doing on this board for anyway? What is it? 65!

SPEAKER_15 5:42

Gene, we've already hashed this out.

SPEAKER_14 5:44

I'm here to ensure the viability not only of this facility, but of all creatures. Large and small!

SPEAKER_02 5:52

And just how are you gonna do that, Boner? Bono!

SPEAKER_17 5:55

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I have to agree with Simmons here.

SPEAKER_05 6:00

Yeah, mate. We're not here to solve the world's problems.

SPEAKER_07 6:03

That's just painfully obvious.

SPEAKER_15 6:06

Guys, come on. We're here to listen to some good music and fill some room, so who wants to get us started? Naturally, I'll go first.

SPEAKER_02 6:14

Naturally. Here, give me the remote. Okay. First up the vote.

SPEAKER_05 6:33

Who the hell is this?

SPEAKER_17 6:34

It's not even Rock. It's Ariana Grande! My great-granddaughter listens to her.

SPEAKER_02 6:42

Hey, I promise more female residence. But G, she's not even 30. It's a no. Oh! No! No! Swap me a bunch of woman haters! Come on, G, move on! Bunch of woman haters. Okay. My second nomination.

SPEAKER_17 7:05

Again! What? Kelly Underwood is a huge start! You're clearly nominating beautiful young women you want to stop! What a disgraceful thing to say, Stephen Pilar!

SPEAKER_05 7:13

I wouldn't- You're a bloody wine guy, say mean sitting around all day watching these videos trying to crack a fatty. I find you despicable. You Angus Young! Alfred Europe. Oh no. That's okay. I pass. Let's go play the bloody video. Bloody hell, Justin Bieber, you too.

SPEAKER_07 7:37

Oh no. That was a bloody joke! Okay, I'm done.

SPEAKER_02 7:44

You know, I'll go. The selection wheel. You know, I discovered them in the shows of Lake Superior.

SPEAKER_12 7:55

Ontario.

SPEAKER_02 7:56

Literally freezing to death. We then took them on tour with us around the world and well. That's just kissing. Ha ha kissery!

SPEAKER_17 8:07

How about Heroes Mystery? Bow bow bow bow!

SPEAKER_05 8:11

That's dumb. You can't use that. The Rush fellows? They're Canadian blokes, right? Yeah, they're Canadian. These knobs are easy to push around. It's an eye for me.

SPEAKER_12 8:23

It's a conditional yes for the Star Child people. What do you mean, Paul?

SPEAKER_02 8:30

Please refer to him as Mr. Stanley or Starchild.

SPEAKER_15 8:36

Are you serious?

SPEAKER_02 8:37

Am I serious? Look at him!

SPEAKER_15 8:40

My god. That eyebrow's above his hairline. Uh excuse me. Uh what are your concerns with Rush, Star Child?

SPEAKER_12 8:49

I speak from experienced people. Alex Liveston. He can't be lie within a hundred feet of a pickled egg. Yes!

SPEAKER_04 8:56

I second this motion!

SPEAKER_15 8:57

Oh, I don't think there should be any pickled eggs. Period. Uh that sort of thing is beyond this committee's purview, Mr. Perry. Says, who?

SPEAKER_02 9:06

All in favor of banning pickled eggs, say aye. Aye. Aye. The eyes have it. Rushes in, and pickled eggs are out. Well I want to subject to banning things. I have a whole list here of other things I hate.

SPEAKER_01 9:21

Thank God the selection committee's working so slow.

SPEAKER_08 9:24

I can barely keep up as is. I know. Between yoga and stretching classes, I barely have time for lunch.

SPEAKER_03 9:32

I don't want to hear it. I got kicked out of the kitchen! Chief of security now? Pfft! What a joke! I don't even get a gun!

SPEAKER_11 9:41

And if you guys wonder why we're working so hard? I mean I mean, what happened to us making it as a band? There's plenty of money now.

SPEAKER_08 9:48

It's Will's money, Tito.

SPEAKER_11 9:50

I know it is. That's not what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_08 9:52

I'll be honest. I may be complaining, but I really like what I'm doing. And Will is paying me way more than I should be making.

SPEAKER_11 10:02

Same here. I'm not complaining, just asking. For forget it. Forget I said anything.

SPEAKER_01 10:07

I do wish we could rehearse more. We went from five to six nights a week to what? Once last week. Once!

SPEAKER_03 10:14

I'm too tired most days. Just want to get home and take them. I'm on the way.

SPEAKER_11 10:27

I'm coming too.

SPEAKER_01 10:32

Wow. That Oxel Rose sure gets into a lot of fights.

SPEAKER_08 10:36

Yeah, he's kind of abrasive.

SPEAKER_03 10:40

Hey, hey! Break it up! Break it up, you two! Put your sticks down!

SPEAKER_11 10:45

You two, Vince, put it down now.

SPEAKER_03 10:47

I'm not putting mine down until he puts his down! And I'm not putting mine down until he put his down! Alright, let's just relax already, okay? Relax! Who wants to tell me what happened? I was trying to play a simple game of- No bullshit! He was breaking the rules! The rules! Assisted living shuffleboard rules! Can I please see the rule book, please? You know what you were doing! What was he doing, Vince? I wasn't doing- you'll get your turn, Axel. Go ahead, Vince. We were playing a game, and I was kicking his ass! Did you say so? When he turns his cue on its side just to piss me off! So, what's the big deal? It's against the rules! Again, with the rules! You have to push the disc with the cue! You can't trap the disc under the cue and twirl it in little circles and then just sling it! I can if I want! Just do it right, Axel. Or go do something else. Okay. Okay. Good lord. What a couple of pains in the ass.

SPEAKER_11 11:55

Yeah, they seem like a bad pairing.

SPEAKER_03 11:57

No, I got a guy! Shut up, you gnar! You know! Fuck you, Axel Road! You took the wrong guy to mess with Finn Steel! We'll see about quit hitting my knuckles! Don't hit your knuckles! Okay, how's this? No headshots either! Hey, I said enough! Give me that! Ow, damn it! No poking? What? Are there assisted living shuffleboard Q fighting rules? Don't mock me! Give me that, you asshole!

SPEAKER_09 12:44

You're lucky I don't shove this up your ass! I do say what's all the commotion out here.

SPEAKER_03 12:50

Frick! Ah! God damn it, you stupid fucker!

SPEAKER_11 12:58

Dude, what did you do?

SPEAKER_03 13:01

Shit! You just cracked me Jagger over the head with that stick! I was too quick for you! Oh my god, Mr. Jagger! I'm I'm so sorry. Are you alright?

SPEAKER_09 13:16

Oh, mother. I don't want to go to church. I want to stay home and listen to black American music.

SPEAKER_03 13:23

Damn! Get the doctor, Tito!

SPEAKER_09 13:25

You got it.

SPEAKER_03 13:26

Just relax, Mick. The doctor's coming.

SPEAKER_09 13:30

You know, I quite fancy that video Dave and I made for dancing in the streets. Oh my god!

SPEAKER_03 13:39

Hurry with the doctor! Whatever possessed you to smack Big Jagger with that cue. Yeah. He wasn't even involved. It was your fucking fault. Hey, don't lay your failures on us, security boy. My failures? Hey, Vince, I hear they have axe throwing at four. Interested?

SPEAKER_09 13:58

Sounds good. Let's get some alcohol first. There'll be records singing and people swinging. It's been a while. It's been a while.

SPEAKER_02 14:14

With a pool stick? No, a shuffleboard cue. That's even worse. Hello, Stevie. You look lovely this evening. If I live to see the seven wonders. Let's get on with that, darling. Stop. Stop with the spinning. Stevie! Somebody get her! Get her before she Damn it! I told you people! No spinning! I'm sorry, Gene!

SPEAKER_08 14:40

Are you okay, Miss Nyx? Oh my god, get a towel, Tito. She's bleeding!

SPEAKER_02 14:44

I told all of you she's not to spin, twirl, or pirouette. Here, Kim.

SPEAKER_08 14:49

No! Oh There's so much blood! You do it!

SPEAKER_11 14:55

Don't try to get up, Miss Nyx.

SPEAKER_02 14:57

Just stay there. This is completely unacceptable. I haven't seen a pool of blood like that since Peter fell off that chair licking himself.

SPEAKER_16 15:10

Uh excuse me. Uh Mr. Simmons. What? Who are you? I um hi. Uh Michael McDonald. I'd like to speak to you about my room. Michael McDonald? Woo! The background finger. Uh, well, I'm a little more than that.

SPEAKER_02 15:26

Oh yeah? Let's see what you got. Christine 16 on three, ready? One, two. Christine! Sixteen! Yeah. Yeah, wait, wait, wa, what? What are you doing?

SPEAKER_16 15:37

Yeah, um, I'm uh I'm sorry. I don't know that one.

SPEAKER_02 15:42

You don't know As baffled as I am by that admission, it's not rocket science. I sing Christine, you answer Christine. I sing sixteen, you answer Sixteen? Are you asking me, you're telling me?

SPEAKER_16 15:58

I'm telling you.

SPEAKER_02 15:59

Are you sure about that? Because you don't sound too sure. Okay, here we go. Christine! Christine! Sixteen! Sixteen! That's a little piano part. Wait for it. Christine! Christine! Sixteen! She's only sixteen! Yeah, yeah. Wait, wait, wait, what? What what the hell was that? Do you have a problem with me, Michael McDonald?

SPEAKER_16 16:25

Uh yeah, um, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02 16:27

She's only sixteen? Those aren't the words.

SPEAKER_16 16:30

Uh, I was just ad-living.

SPEAKER_02 16:33

Everybody loves Ringo when he sings about sixteen-year-olds, but let me do it and swear I didn't mean anything. Besides, I'll have you know, this song was written from the point of view of a 15-year-old boy. So it's not a song about some dirty old man lusting after a young girl. It's a song about adolescent sex. Got it?

SPEAKER_16 16:52

Yes, I got it. I apologize. I was just getting into it. Every time you need with it being such a remarkable song. Huh.

SPEAKER_02 17:09

Well, I guess I can understand that. It being your first time hearing it in all.

SPEAKER_16 17:14

Right. About my room.

SPEAKER_02 17:16

You can keep it for now, but I'd start listening to more music. Try LoveGun. They have it in the gift shop.

SPEAKER_12 17:22

By take it to the streets, Michael McDonald.

SPEAKER_16 17:25

Oh! He knows. He knows who I am.

SPEAKER_17 17:31

I don't like to be kept waiting, Simmons. How is he?

SPEAKER_15 17:38

He's better. At least he's not talking gibberish anymore.

SPEAKER_09 17:42

Dancing in the streets? I wanna throw myself off a building when I think about that video. It was all David's idea, all of it!

SPEAKER_02 17:51

That's good. We'll have to talk check him out anyway. We should probably think about moving him into the infirmary on a long-term basis.

SPEAKER_15 17:57

Now drop it, Gene. You're not getting his room. There he is. Wanka!

SPEAKER_07 18:03

Boo! Boo!

SPEAKER_15 18:06

Seriously, what's your problem, mate? Come on, let's let's settle down. I've known Sal for years, and I'm sure there's an explanation for this. Sal? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:19

Uh I'm I'm really sorry. I did not mean to hit Mr. Jagger.

SPEAKER_14 18:25

Who did you mean to hit my You know what? It really doesn't matter. Violence is never the answer.

SPEAKER_02 18:32

Give me the rest, Ozo. Oh no!

SPEAKER_14 18:34

I know you're doing it on purpose!

SPEAKER_03 18:36

Doing what on purpose? Sal, what happened? I was breaking up a fight between Axel Rose and Vince Neil. And after telling him like 15 times to knock it off, I got in there and grabbed Axel's stick away from him. Then Vince comes off from behind and swings at Rose, but hits me right across the side of the head. So I just turned around and instinctively swung.

SPEAKER_04 18:59

So you were trying to hit Vince Neil.

SPEAKER_03 19:02

Yeah, I guess.

SPEAKER_12 19:04

Woo, but somehow you missed and hit Nick. Pretty much.

SPEAKER_02 19:07

The problem here is, Sal, you hit a level one resident in front of witnesses.

SPEAKER_15 19:11

What's a level one resident?

SPEAKER_02 19:13

Now if you hit Vince Neal, who's a low to mid-level four, we would have no issue. I've never heard this level talk before. What the hell is this about, Simmons? It's simple. A level one resident. Hey! Rob Halford! Didn't I tell you to lose those studs?

SPEAKER_07 19:27

I did. These are stickers.

SPEAKER_02 19:30

Stickers? Really? May I?

SPEAKER_07 19:33

Sure. Go ahead. Woo! They look so 3D.

SPEAKER_17 19:37

Don't change the subject, Simmons! What level am I? You're a level two.

SPEAKER_05 19:41

And let me guess you and Stanley are level one.

SPEAKER_02 19:45

Of course.

SPEAKER_04 19:46

So you two come up with these rankings, eh?

SPEAKER_02 19:49

I came up with these rankings when you was handing out the talent. Enough already! Hey Doc.

SPEAKER_13 19:54

Hey, gene, how's it going?

SPEAKER_02 19:57

McJagger got hit over the head with a shuffleboard stick.

SPEAKER_13 20:00

Jesus! That really is McJagger! Would you look at this gang? It's called the Sun, guys. Get out in it every once in a while.

SPEAKER_07 20:12

Who's this Wanko Simmons?

SPEAKER_13 20:14

This is Dr. P.

SPEAKER_02 20:15

He's very discreet. Come on, Doc. The cigarette.

SPEAKER_13 20:19

We're a package deal, Gene. You know that. How are you feeling, Mr. Jagger?

SPEAKER_09 20:35

I've got a bloody bum on my head. I'm not deaf.

SPEAKER_13 20:40

Good lord, I could hide a nickel in your face. Just sit back. We're gonna take your vitals here and get you back up in no time. You'll like this story, Gene. Any of you guys here play the ponies? No, no.

SPEAKER_17 20:58

I went to the Kentucky Derby once, but just to wear this hat I found!

SPEAKER_13 21:03

Jesus, what a group. So anyway, the other day I'm an aqueduct, right? I have a big nickel on this horse, Elvis' liver. Roll up your sleeve. Fifteen to one shot. Just coming around the last bin with a three fur long lead when suddenly bam! Ah fucking thing drops dead. Right there on the track. Zonk kaput finney. Then you know he was out in the lead, so the other horses. They can't stop. They all start trippin' and falling over him. This is terrible. Tell me about it. He was in the lead. Stick out your tongue. So anyway, by the time it's all over, they have to put three. Horses down and four jockeys had to go to the hospital. What are you telling us? Because one of the jockeys was Frank Weinstein.

SPEAKER_02 22:10

Frank Weinstein? Little Jean for Minikiss.

SPEAKER_13 22:13

Yeah. Had to put him down.

SPEAKER_02 22:16

They put a jockey down?

SPEAKER_13 22:18

No, they didn't. Where do you hear that?

SPEAKER_14 22:23

I can think of a thousand different places in Africa where your skills would be better used, Doctor.

SPEAKER_13 22:29

Africa.

SPEAKER_14 22:30

Hey, have you been?

SPEAKER_13 22:32

Nah, I haven't been, Bono.

SPEAKER_14 22:34

Bono, and Bono, I have never had this problem before. Such a dumb name.

SPEAKER_07 22:41

Fuck you, Simmons. Come on, let's get bloody on with it. I say the punishment should match the crime. All in favour of beating him with shuffle bar cues. Say hi.

SPEAKER_10 22:54

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_15 22:58

Stop. We're not beating him with the sticks. I was thinking more like a weak suspension. Fuck you, dude! And a public apology.

SPEAKER_02 23:08

He's a level one that's not going to cut it. Stop it with the level, Simmons! Fuck you, Stephen Tarner.

SPEAKER_06 23:14

Rock Meadow rock. Rock Meadows!

SPEAKER_12 23:20

Would somebody tell the Star Town what the hell that was?

SPEAKER_06 23:25

All the comforts of Rocky Meadows without that goaty bag Jane Simpson.

SPEAKER_15 23:30

Yeah, it's coming from that van outside.

SPEAKER_06 23:35

Clean rooms, good food. Absolutely none of that miserable wreck. James Simpsons. Frustration elements. Comfort.

SPEAKER_14 23:47

Huh. We should check that out.

SPEAKER_06 23:48

Receive a free copy of my latest release.

SPEAKER_02 23:52

Ah, jeez. Gami cool bad. That's Don Henley. Fuck you, Don Henley.

SPEAKER_06 23:57

And there he is, folks. The pain of your existence is helpful. Mister, I'll do anything for a box.

SPEAKER_02 24:05

Turn that thing around, Don Henley, and get the hell out of here.

SPEAKER_07 24:08

Oh, I'll get the hell out of here.

SPEAKER_06 24:10

Back to Yacht Rock Manor.

SPEAKER_02 24:12

Let someone else do that before you hit something.

SPEAKER_06 24:14

I can do it. Yacht Rock Manor, where you're the boss.

SPEAKER_02 24:18

What is that? A 12-point turn? Who wants to live with the guy who he's gone, Gene? Damn! This is a problem. Fuck down, Henley. Next time, on Rock Meadows.

SPEAKER_08 24:33

I just thought it would be the neighborly thing to do to come and say hi.

SPEAKER_02 24:36

You!

SPEAKER_03 24:37

You did that on purpose!

SPEAKER_08 24:38

We're all here to stretch and feel better.

SPEAKER_03 24:40

Guys aren't supposed to have nipples like that!

SPEAKER_08 24:43

Sal, thank God!

SPEAKER_02 24:44

What's going on? I don't like the way he looks at me. This is totally unacceptable. Rock Meadows, starring Brad Storm as Steven Tyler, Matt Sin as Sao, Trina Duhart as Steph, Christina Roxy as Kim, Seth Armstrong as Peter, Colin Peigne is Willie. Gene Simmons is played by Esmond Lovechild. Flip Buvet as the Star Child. Alan Gabay is Rob Halford and Don Hanley. Ben Gray plays Joe Perry. Hope Parson is Bono. Clay Kunda as Agnes Young. Big Benva is Axel Rose. Brandon Wall as Vince Neal. Dan McCrae as Dr. P, and John White as Mick Jagger.