Episode 4 - Nothing to See Here

The doors are open, and apparently that was the easy part.

The committee is running the show, the residents are fighting and the staff is barely holding it together.

As the chaos escalates and the injuries start to mount, Rock Meadows is quickly becoming Will's worst nightmare:

A disaster with a waiting list.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:01

Last time on Rock Meadows. Damn it! I told you people! No spinning!

SPEAKER_12 0:08

Get a towel, Cheeto! She's bleeding!

SPEAKER_07 0:11

Um Michael McDonald. Let's see what you got.

SPEAKER_12 0:13

Christine! Christine!

SPEAKER_18 0:16

Sips T. She's only 16! Whatever possessed you to smack Mc Jagger with that cue! It was your fucking fault! Good lord!

SPEAKER_19 0:26

I can hide a nickel in your face!

SPEAKER_07 0:28

This is totally unacceptable!

SPEAKER_02 0:31

You have to work fast! Get Donald Fagin down here! Hey Tito, can you go get him?

SPEAKER_01 0:36

Sure. Uh, he's the Steely Dan guy, right?

SPEAKER_00 0:38

Yeah. Second floor B-wing, room 206.

SPEAKER_02 0:43

Got it. What's going on, Gene? That pastor Don Henley is gonna try to steal half our residence.

SPEAKER_11 0:48

I g I get that. But why is Donald Fagin so What's going on in here, Simmons?

SPEAKER_07 0:55

Not in your business, Rob Halford. If it's Rock Meadows' business, then it's our business. Dibbity dibbity dibbity dibbity down! Bow bow bow bow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:08

Fuck you, Stephen Tyler. Don't worry about them, Gene. What's so important about Donald Fagin? This is a security guy. Is he here? Right here, Gene. You're not gonna try to attack me with some sort of stick, are you? You have a reputation for assaulting level ones.

SPEAKER_03 1:22

No, Gene. Come on. That was an accident.

SPEAKER_02 1:25

Stay where I can see you. Bring up the punk wing on the security monitor. Yeah, sure. There. Woo! Would somebody tell Iggy Pop to put his third on? Turn on the sound.

SPEAKER_03 1:41

Steely damn! Yeah? So? Want the metal wing. There we go. Check it out. This is the big Black Sabbath, deep purple hallway bowling match. I wanted to see this.

SPEAKER_02 1:54

Black Sabbath doesn't stay a chance with Ozzie. He's a wreck! Put the sound on. Still a done? Again? It's been typed in, right? Every floor sets its own music, Bongo. I'm not letting you bait me, Simmons. Up the hairwick.

SPEAKER_07 2:15

Holy shit! I don't get it! I never listen to them! Oh really? Can we have 15 seconds of silence, please?

SPEAKER_11 2:27

What are we doing, Jin?

unknown 2:29

Shh!

SPEAKER_11 2:30

Listen!

SPEAKER_02 2:32

Oh my god! I hear it!

SPEAKER_10 2:34

Is this a trick?

SPEAKER_02 2:35

It's no trick! Steely Canon has been playing since we walked into this office. It's become so ingrained in our lives we don't even hear it anymore.

SPEAKER_10 2:42

So that bloke Fagin goes over to York Rock Manor. Was it mana?

SPEAKER_02 2:46

Stacks! Right now, we have it covered. In KISS we had the greatest hard rock band, heavy metal band, and progressive band ever.

SPEAKER_10 2:57

What? Are you mad, man?

SPEAKER_02 2:59

And with Donald Fagin, we had the greatest York Rock band ever. That is one area Kiss has never ventured.

SPEAKER_09 3:05

Judas Priest is heavier than Kiss.

SPEAKER_07 3:08

Fuck you, Rob Halford. I mean, not that I agree with you, but I at least understand your claim to be the greatest hard rock band. There's no way you're metal and progressive rock! Do you even know what it is? What?

SPEAKER_02 3:22

You've never heard music from the elder? The greatest Prague Walk album of all time.

SPEAKER_10 3:33

What the hell is this crap? What's wrong with your hair in this video?

SPEAKER_02 3:42

It looks so flat.

SPEAKER_04 3:44

Like you didn't rinse all the shampoo out.

SPEAKER_02 3:46

Future Perry.

SPEAKER_07 3:52

I think I have a picture of my aunt Helen on a cruise in that outfit.

SPEAKER_10 3:57

That was Future Perry. Good God, this is that a horrible.

SPEAKER_07 4:05

And it's not progressive rock! I don't know what the hell it is. I don't have the Hudson brothers writing music for me.

SPEAKER_04 4:11

Ha ha ha ha! Look! Oh my god!

SPEAKER_02 4:15

The video ends with a close-up of Jean shedding a single tear. Hey, that tear was no joke. I shit myself pushing that thing out. Woo!

SPEAKER_09 4:23

On both takes. I shit myself climbing off my holly once. I knew it was coming, it was just a matter of severity.

SPEAKER_10 4:31

Look, I I think we're getting a little off track here, guys. I shit myself on stage in Brazil.

SPEAKER_07 4:37

What is with you guys? I've never shit myself. Woo!

SPEAKER_10 4:41

Duke Perry's got virgin briefs. I was swinging a sledgehammer at a joint bell in front of 150,000 people. A crown on the third gong. Nowhere to hide either when you're wearing shorts.

SPEAKER_07 4:55

That's what's so great about these scarves. Skin out that hell, yeah! They'll cover anything up!

SPEAKER_09 5:02

No bloody scarf was covering up my mess. Ah, what the children of Africa would do for a pile of crap and some scarves!

SPEAKER_11 5:10

Have any of you been? Oh my god, enough already! We haven't accomplished a thing today!

SPEAKER_00 5:16

Excuse me, Will? What is it, Steph? Dolly Parton is here to see you. Uh Dolly Parton? The Dolly Parton? Yes, and she's drawing quite the crowd.

SPEAKER_02 5:28

Alright out! Everyone out! This is management business. Fuck you, Simmons! Hell out of here, Tyler. Take Boner with you. It's Bono, asshole! That's what I said. Bobo, you need to pay attention.

SPEAKER_11 5:41

Uh what do you think she wants, Gene?

SPEAKER_02 5:43

Besides the obvious, I have no idea.

SPEAKER_13 5:52

William, it's so nice to meet you.

SPEAKER_11 5:54

Oh my god. Oh, the honor's all mine, Miss Parton. This is my business partner, Gene Simmons.

SPEAKER_13 6:00

Gene Simmons. The demon himself. Well, first I brought you all a little gift.

SPEAKER_11 6:18

Wow. It it's it's beautiful. A gun.

SPEAKER_13 6:25

It's not a gun, silly. It's a custom-made shotgun.

SPEAKER_11 6:31

Um sorry, I'm uh not a gun guy.

SPEAKER_13 6:36

You see the engraving on the stock? That's custom card by our artisans at the Dollywood Armory.

SPEAKER_11 6:42

Yeah, it's it's really beautiful. I mean, it's beautiful, isn't it, Gene? Uh oh, yeah, um.

SPEAKER_13 6:51

You know, most men like to take little sideways glances at my boobs, but you you're a full-on gawker, aren't you?

SPEAKER_02 7:00

Uh you are about what I expected, Mr.

SPEAKER_13 7:06

Simmons.

SPEAKER_11 7:07

I believe he's a little starstruck, Miss Parton. How can I help you?

SPEAKER_13 7:11

Well, I just wanted to come on over and introduce myself to y'all since we're all going to be neighbors.

SPEAKER_11 7:16

Uh, neighbors?

SPEAKER_13 7:18

Yes, we're opening up Country Hills assisted living about a mile down the road. I just thought it would be the neighborly thing to do to come and say hi.

SPEAKER_11 7:25

I think that's great. Isn't that great, Gene?

SPEAKER_13 7:29

Um You always perspire so much, Mr. Simmons. Gene? Gene! Come on, Gene! Give it a rest already! I can see his heartbeat in that vein on his forehead.

SPEAKER_11 7:46

I apologize. Gene? He's like in a trance or something.

SPEAKER_13 7:53

Gene! Maybe this will snap him out of it.

SPEAKER_11 7:58

Oh my god. Dolly.

SPEAKER_13 8:01

Get a good look, Mr. Demon! They're likely to be the last ones you'll ever see! Gene! Gene!

SPEAKER_11 8:09

What happened, Will? Oh my god, Dolly! Gene passed out. I'm not sure he's breathing. Get Dr. P. You! You did that on purpose!

SPEAKER_13 8:20

Darn too, not did! Oh, and uh, by the way, if he wakes up, tell him Don Hanley says fuck you!

SPEAKER_12 8:33

Okay, now I want everyone to reach. Come on! As high as you can! Reach for the ceiling! Good job! Come on, John Fogarty. You can do better than that. I don't understand. Well, I'm in a class with a bunch of level threes and fours. It doesn't matter, Mr. Fogarty. We're all here to stretch and feel better.

SPEAKER_05 8:59

Yes, and I would like to do that with my peers, and not this gathering of mediocrity.

SPEAKER_04 9:08

Never stop complaining, do you, Fogarty? You don't hear me whining, do ya?

SPEAKER_05 9:13

Oh, shut up, Melencamp, or my foot is gonna hurt so good up your ass.

SPEAKER_12 9:19

Alright. Let's touch those toes. Come on, as low as you can go.

SPEAKER_04 9:27

Oh, scary stuff, Dev Togedy. Coupled with your impressive physique, you got me trembling over here. Blah blah blah.

SPEAKER_05 9:37

Pink houses. You know what? Pink houses are ugly as shit. Who wants to live next to a fucking pink house?

SPEAKER_04 9:47

Yeah, I hear you. Hey John, G1115. Time for another quarter chunky monkey. At least I don't tell my fans to shut up during my shows. Only the ones asking me to play music. My current show is deep.

SPEAKER_05 10:03

Your current show is deep. Jack and Diane? Deep?

SPEAKER_06 10:09

Oh my god. Will you just shut your toss, you mangled foot? Are you talking to me?

SPEAKER_05 10:18

Who the hell are you?

SPEAKER_06 10:19

I'm An Anderson, you fucking arse piece. Come on, guys, this is ridiculous.

SPEAKER_05 10:24

The guy from Jeff Road, too. You see, this is what I'm talking about. Why am I in a class with this this flute playing relic?

SPEAKER_06 10:33

Well, bugger off John Fogerty, a wee shite.

SPEAKER_12 10:37

Sal, thank God. What's going on? John Fogarty is being obnoxious and I heard that.

SPEAKER_05 10:46

I heard that. What I wanna know is what I'm doing in a class with John Cougar masturbate and fucking Jethro Toll over there. You mean Ian Anderson? Because there there is no Jethro Toll. Whoever!

SPEAKER_06 10:59

That asshole! Tong punch my crinkled star, you funny boss. You think that's funny, asswipe?

SPEAKER_05 11:09

Hey! Don't touch me! What's going on here? Looks like we arrived just in time. What are you gonna do? Beat me with a stick like you did, McJagger? We were there for that!

SPEAKER_12 11:23

It was brutal! Axel, Vince, shut up! Listen, Mr. Fogarty. The level one and two classes are full, but I will Fuck your classes!

SPEAKER_05 11:33

Hey, don't talk to her like that! Hit him, Sal! Hit him!

SPEAKER_16 11:37

Kick him in the balls!

SPEAKER_05 11:38

I'll talk to her any way I want. And do you know why? No. Why don't you tell me? Because I'm John Fucking Fogerty! That's why.

SPEAKER_06 12:00

Because you're John Fulkin Fogerty?

SPEAKER_04 12:10

Born on the bayou. You're from San Francisco, Fogerty. You're about as southern as a fucking Canadian goose.

SPEAKER_06 12:19

What are you doing, Fogerty? They are laughing at you. Have you ever seen the rain? I have seen the rain, you leather faced wee ball banger.

SPEAKER_05 12:32

Are you going to take that? I'd punch him right in the fucking face. What did you say, you Scottish piece of crap?

SPEAKER_06 12:38

Oh, I sad. I have seen the rain, you leather-faced we ball banger. Did you get that now, you jabby flavored shite filled nugget pouch? Asshole! Hey! Get back! Ah! Ah! Oh! You are a piece of meat, do you now? You knob hobbling old crusta wangster! Ah! Hey, knock it off!

SPEAKER_05 13:09

Give me that boot, you asshole! Hey! Got that back! Here! Take it!

SPEAKER_12 13:17

Sal, watch it!

SPEAKER_14 13:22

God damn it, Fogatey! I do say I can barely hear the telly with all the shouting out here. Get over there!

SPEAKER_09 13:33

Oh my god, you did it again! Shit!

SPEAKER_12 13:37

Mr.

SPEAKER_16 13:37

Jagger, Mick, are you okay? You threw Fogatey right into Jagger! What do you have against the stones, man? I didn't do it on purpose. Is he okay? Kim. Mick, can you hear me?

SPEAKER_14 13:50

You know, David and I did our own core for dancing in the streets. Brilliant stuff, I'll tell you. Brilliant stuff.

SPEAKER_16 13:59

He's bad.

SPEAKER_12 14:00

Really bad. Get Dr. P.

SPEAKER_18 14:03

We'll get him. Then we're telling on you. Your history here, man. Fuck you, Axel Rose. Hey, you can't go in there! We have to get Dr. P. Yeah, Jagger just took another beating! Again? What happened? It was your boy! Came back to finish the job, I guess. Cell? What h hey! I said you can't Jesus! What is going on in here?

SPEAKER_08 14:36

Out of here, officer Bruce!

SPEAKER_19 14:37

Ignore him, Gene. I need you to take a deep breath. Not a good time, guys. Alright, I want you to follow my finger. Good. Do you know what day it is?

SPEAKER_02 14:54

It's Tuesday.

SPEAKER_11 14:59

What happened? Dolly Parton flashed him. His heart couldn't take it.

SPEAKER_18 15:03

No way! Dolly flashed you!

SPEAKER_02 15:08

On purpose! It was a cold and populated boob! Obviously trying to take down Rock Meadows from the top! Will you relax? Use the oxygen. Will you put that cigarette out? I'm fine! Give me my shirt.

SPEAKER_03 15:31

Fuck you, Axel Rose! You look like a teacup to me! Yeah, man, but those are gross. Guys aren't supposed to have nipples like that!

SPEAKER_19 15:39

What the hell do you two want? Come on, Gene. Calm down.

SPEAKER_03 15:43

Oh yeah! That guy, uh Sal? He beat up a jagger! Oh yeah! Smashed the shit out of him!

SPEAKER_11 15:50

Sal? That's it? He's gotta go. I I'll take care of Sal. It wasn't his fault the first time. No, he's had his second chance. I don't like the way he looks at me.

SPEAKER_02 16:01

He's not looking at you anyway. Who should have seen it?

SPEAKER_18 16:04

He just picked up John Fogerty and started wailing on Mick with him!

SPEAKER_19 16:08

No, no, I wait. He beat up Jack with John Fogerty?

SPEAKER_09 16:13

Swung him like a bat! I saw the whole thing, dude! He had hate in his eyes.

SPEAKER_15 16:22

Would you stop it, Megan?

SPEAKER_17 16:28

Oh, we need a mug! Why is he moving like that? Someone stop him!

SPEAKER_15 16:36

Is he having a bit?

SPEAKER_17 16:38

You have to stop! No one wants to see this mech. Will someone stop him from dancing? It hurts the watch!

SPEAKER_20 16:48

Look away! Everyone look away! Get his legs still! I'm trying! God damn it, Mac! Stay still!

SPEAKER_09 16:57

What's going on in here, Simmons?

SPEAKER_07 16:59

Fuck you up, Alpha! What the hell are they doing to Jagger?

SPEAKER_20 17:03

Somebody give me something to shove in his mouth!

SPEAKER_08 17:10

He's a level one, Mike. What the hell are you doing? You didn't see it. It was horrible.

SPEAKER_07 17:17

This is totally unacceptable. That's Mick Jagger you're manhandling. Get off him! You you don't understand.

SPEAKER_10 17:24

Back the hell off, mate. You know what? Fine.

SPEAKER_15 17:28

No!

SPEAKER_19 17:29

Sweet Jesus.

SPEAKER_07 17:38

What the hell's he doing? Why is he moving like that? It hurts my eyes. No!

SPEAKER_20 17:44

Oh please make it stop! You want me to grab him now? No. Yes! Take him down!

SPEAKER_15 17:50

Make it stop! Take it back in!

SPEAKER_08 17:57

Do you have him, Sal?

SPEAKER_03 18:00

Hold on! Got him!

SPEAKER_11 18:03

I belted his legs together. Good. Good. Get him on the couch. Dr. P.

SPEAKER_19 18:10

I ain't going over there.

SPEAKER_11 18:12

It's fine, he can't move.

SPEAKER_19 18:15

I'm a little queasy from seeing that.

SPEAKER_07 18:18

What caused his relapse?

SPEAKER_03 18:20

He did. No, gee! I was breaking up a fight between him and Ian Anderson when I accidentally shoved Fogerty into town.

SPEAKER_09 18:32

Are you serious? Ah, come on! Again! We should have beaten him the first time when we had the chance.

SPEAKER_07 18:38

That's the same excuse you used before. It's obvious you have a problem with your temper and are unfit to work in this facility. Hey, hold on, I Great, Sal.

SPEAKER_02 18:50

Get out! Gene, I'm next on his list. I can feel it. He has to go.

SPEAKER_01 18:55

Hey, Donald Fagin's gone. I think he may be over at Yacht Rock Manor.

SPEAKER_02 18:59

My god, it's been ages since we sent you looking for him.

SPEAKER_01 19:01

What's going on? Why is Mick tied and gagged?

SPEAKER_10 19:05

I it's it's a long story. Speaking of stories, we came down here because we heard you were dead, Simmons.

SPEAKER_02 19:12

They tried. Sent the two biggest guns to get me. And yet here I stand.

SPEAKER_03 19:17

Lucky us! What are you still doing here? I wanna show you the security footage of what happened. You know what they say, people? Two strikes and you're out. It's three strikes and you're cracking the star child. Strike three, fucker.

SPEAKER_02 19:31

Get the hell out of here, Sal. Fine!

SPEAKER_03 19:34

I feel safer already. Fuck you, Axel Rose! Next time, on Rock Meadows.

SPEAKER_00 19:41

Sal's still not answering?

SPEAKER_11 19:42

Nope. Straight the voicemail.

SPEAKER_03 19:44

Your father and grandfather have been doctoring the books for years. Two? Star Child? You know what?

SPEAKER_07 19:51

Holy man, Martha! Are you threatening a level one?

SPEAKER_04 19:55

I am level one.

SPEAKER_02 19:59

Rock Meadows star Colin Payne as Willie. Damn the Craig is Dr. P. John White is Big Jagger. Brandon Wall is Dave Steel. Bentha is Axel Rose. Brad Taylor plays Ian Anderson. Wait High Voices as John Fogerty. Dixie Fox Dolly Martin. Quake Cunda as Angus Young. Colt Parson as Mono. Christina Roxy as Kim. Trina Duhart as Steph. And Matt Sim as Sal.