Episode 3: When the Bedroom Goes Quiet. The Intimacy Talk Nobody Wants to Have

This is the episode most podcasts won't make.

Harry and Shade get completely vulnerable about 
something millions of couples go through and almost 
nobody talks about out loud — intimacy challenges, 
body changes, and the health issues that silently 
affect your relationship before you even know 
what's happening.

This one is personal. This one is real. 
And this one might save your relationship.

📌 WHAT WE COVER IN THIS EPISODE:

🔟 Top 5 Intimacy Questions Couples Actually Ask
        We start with the questions every couple 
        is googling at midnight but never saying 
        to each other.
        Real answers from 20 years of real marriage.
        Not textbook. Not filtered. Just honest.

        • How do you keep intimacy alive after 
          years of marriage, kids, and life?
        • What do you do when one partner wants 
          it more than the other?
        • How do health changes affect intimacy 
          and what do you do about it?
        • How do you get the intimacy back after 
          a long dry spell?
        • How do you talk about intimacy problems 
          without making your partner feel broken?

💑 The Real Talk — Harry & Shade's Story
        Harry opens up about his personal experience 
        with erectile dysfunction in his early 30s.
        The fear. The silence. The mental spiral.
        The questions it created between him and Shade.

        Shade shares what it felt like from her side —
        the doubts, the thoughts she was too afraid 
        to say out loud, and what it took to support 
        her husband through something neither of them 
        had a roadmap for.

        And how they found their way back to each 
        other — stronger than before.

🏥 The Health Talk — What Nobody Tells You
        The connection between ED and high blood 
        pressure that Harry discovered years later.
        What pre-menopause actually does to a 
        woman's desire, her body, and her relationship.
        What every partner needs to understand 
        before they make her changes about themselves.
        How to navigate physical changes together 
        instead of letting them silently create 
        distance between you.

🔥 Hot Seat — Intimacy Edition
        The questions most couples think but 
        never say out loud.
        Fast. Unscripted. No skipping allowed.
        The answers might surprise you.

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🚨 TO EVERY MAN LISTENING:
If something has changed in your intimate life —
your body is trying to tell you something.

Get your blood pressure checked.
Get your testosterone checked.
Get a full physical.

Don't let embarrassment cost you your health 
or your relationship.
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🌸 TO EVERY WOMAN'S PARTNER:
When her desire changes — that is not about you.
Learn what pre-menopause actually does before 
you make it about yourself.
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💬 DROP A COMMENT — Has your relationship 
ever been affected by a health issue neither 
of you knew how to talk about?
You are not alone. We see you.

❤️ SUPPORT THE SHOW:
If this episode helped you or someone you love —
support us directly and keep the real talk coming
every single week.
https://linktr.ee/WeneedtotalkHS

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New episode every Sunday at 11AM EST 🎙️

— Harry & Shade ❤️

#weneedtotalkhs #couplesoftiktok #marriedlife
#realtalk #podcast #blacklove #intimacy
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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to We Need to Talk with Harry and Shade. Time to let the real soak in. Yeah, we need to talk. We need to talk.

SPEAKER_04 0:26

All right, all right. We're here. We're back. Episode what?

SPEAKER_02 0:31

Three. Three. Three in the building. Yes. We are so excited about this episode. But first, we need to let you know, of course, if you're new here, this is we need to talk with Harry and Sade. Yes. All right.

SPEAKER_04 0:44

In the building, y'all. Y'all already seen, y'all heard the intro.

SPEAKER_02 0:48

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_04 0:49

This is what we're here to do, man. Hey, sit back, take a seat.

SPEAKER_02 0:53

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 0:54

We need to talk.

SPEAKER_02 0:54

Come on, arrive.

SPEAKER_04 0:55

Come on.

SPEAKER_02 0:56

All right. Again, this is episode three, guys. Very, very important, interesting, and amazing topic that we're about to cover. Absolutely. What is it, babe?

SPEAKER_04 1:06

It's about intimacy or let's talk about sex, baby.

SPEAKER_02 1:10

Let's talk about you. And let's talk about all the good things, all the bad things. That's what we're here to do tonight, guys.

SPEAKER_04 1:18

Talk about sex.

SPEAKER_02 1:20

Let's talk about sex.

SPEAKER_04 1:22

And we're here to talk about the good, the bad, the confused.

SPEAKER_02 1:26

Yes. I mean, it's it's a it's a it's a broad comp a broad topic. I hope hopefully we can touch all top um all the topics tonight, and I'm pretty sure we can.

SPEAKER_04 1:36

We can.

SPEAKER_02 1:37

Because I'm pretty sure in 20 years, me and you have been through each and every topic that you may be confused or have questions about.

SPEAKER_04 1:45

Absolutely. And look, like we said, we are talking about pillars, right? Because of what helps build not a perfect relationship, but a healthy relationship. Okay. And our previous two episodes, we kind of touched on trust.

SPEAKER_02 1:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:00

And I think that it intimacy is another form of a connection that is crucial to one of the pillars to building a healthy relationship.

SPEAKER_02 2:08

Yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_04 2:09

Um, because it comes with a lot of different angles. I'm not talking, like I said, the good. Um, I'm talking about also the bad.

SPEAKER_02 2:14

Right. And we got to get through it.

SPEAKER_04 2:16

We're gonna jump into that as well, too. So again, take a seat back, right? Yes, it's a drink, it's water. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 2:24

We only have water tonight, guys, unfortunately. Man, unfortunately. We've had way too many drinks this Memorial Day weekend.

SPEAKER_04 2:29

Man, way too many drinks. So we're chilling tonight. Yeah, but overall, take a seat back. Let's talk. Let's let's let's have a conversation about intimacy. Intimacy. Man, tell me about it, right?

SPEAKER_02 2:43

All right.

SPEAKER_04 2:43

So overall, right? Yes. When it comes to intimacy, like it's a topic that that's always out there, right?

SPEAKER_03 2:52

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 2:53

And overall, when it comes to having a great connection and a great bond, like intimacy really brings out uh the strength in a relationship. It can, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:04

It does, not it can. It does, it really does. It it really will test you to see where you're at, right? I think that's really, really important. Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_04 3:14

So when we dive into these questions right now, and we're we're gonna go into our top five questions that we feel that um that's out there when it comes to intimacy that that kind of couples are really asking. Yeah. Uh, and when we go over these five questions, we're gonna break it down with also ties into our experiences as well. So we're we're not asking questions just to keep us out of it. Like I said, this podcast is to kind of illustrate our situations and how we got it. We'll be able to get through it based on the topics that we're going over.

SPEAKER_02 3:42

So yes, so let's dive in, babe.

SPEAKER_04 3:45

So we got number one. What is it, babe?

SPEAKER_02 3:47

All right, this is a question every long-term couple is quietly asking. And this is gonna be from us for 20 years, and this is not a theory. What actually keeps us connected through our job changes, pregnancies, raising our teenagers, our kids, and the hard seasons? Right? And so the overall question is how do you keep intimacy alive after years of marriage, kids, and life getting in a way?

SPEAKER_04 4:14

Man, uh look. In order to keep intimacy alive, um, it's it comes in stages. Yeah, it comes with uh principles and boundaries, right? And uh making sure that not only from uh one person but from both sides, you guys understand uh where you guys are at in your relationship. Because sometimes those hard life situations get in the way.

SPEAKER_02 4:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:44

But I believe that when you take time to talk with your significant other, that's that's intimacy.

SPEAKER_02 4:50

Right, right.

SPEAKER_04 4:50

I think coming behind your your your love of your life and while she's cooking dinner or he's cooking dinner and kind of holding them and uh even speaking the words of appreciation, like I appreciate you today, that's intimacy. That's intimacy, yes. Right. And sometimes I just skipped over a lot uh where we don't realize that we we're not utilizing the right tools and understanding uh to be able to grow in that area because you should be able to grow in that area of intimacy. It shouldn't just be one standard, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:23

So how would you say, like, or what would you say we we are we didn't do in year five that we're doing now at year 20? Man, that's like what a 15-year difference? Yeah, it is 15-year difference. What would you say?

SPEAKER_04 5:36

Uh I think what we're doing now compared to our first five years, is that uh we understand how we appreciate each other and our bodies. Yes. And we don't let one-sided be the scenario all the time. Because it's not healthy to think that it's only when you want it, it's only when I want it, because that really doesn't get you nowhere. And I think that we uh came across those moments, yeah, right, where my Shae right here, she told me, babe, it's all it's always when you want it.

SPEAKER_02 6:12

I've said that before, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:13

She said that to me, you know, and I had to kind of check myself, like, what you mean? But realizing that you know what, you're right, like we should be able to do more than just what I wanted, right? We should be able to talk, communicate, we should be able to do other things that create that connection outside of just being the bedroom, right?

SPEAKER_02 6:32

Yeah, beyond the the bedroom walls, I always like to say, um, I think a lot of misconception is intimacy is just sex, sex, sex, right? Yeah but no, like you said, intimacy is touch, it's the touch in, it's the love and um the the love connection with touching, sorry, um, just words, words, affirmations to each other, right?

SPEAKER_03 6:54

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 6:54

I mean, rubbing feet in the bed, like I don't know, just cuddling, watching a movie. Those are moments of intimacy, leaving love notes, moments of intimacy, putting gas in the car, intimacy, right? And the ladies would know what I'm talking about. Babe, I got that that load of laundry. There are so many ways you can show your intimacy to a woman, and the woman can show it to a man besides just being sexually correct.

SPEAKER_04 7:19

Um and I think uh I think that intimacy, uh, when you think about it in that sense, it also creates a a great strength and value in appreciation.

SPEAKER_02 7:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 7:30

Right? Uh, because you learn to appreciate your partner way more outside of what intimacy is and then every time you can connect, it's even stronger.

SPEAKER_02 7:40

For sure.

SPEAKER_04 7:41

I love that. All right, so I'm gonna hop into number two, right? And of course, uh mismatched desires is one of the most common intimacy struggles in marriage and um one of the least talked about. So, what do you do when one partner wants intimacy more than the other?

SPEAKER_02 8:01

Um again, like you said, for us in our marriage, at one point I told my husband, why does it seem like we always we are always doing it when you want to do it? Um, and that wasn't always the case. I think as women, we can get emotional about things and we start to feel that way. And that's that doesn't necessarily mean that that's what the man is intentionally meaning to do. Again, where the biggest thing that we could have ever d was communicate, right? Yeah. If I would help if I would have held that to myself and just carry that, he would never know. So I think the biggest thing for me to have ever done in those moments were to say how that made me feel.

SPEAKER_03 8:39

Correct.

SPEAKER_02 8:40

And not only saying how it made me feel, but him actually my favorite word, being intentional and listening and applying what I said and saying, okay, let's make some changes. You know, because at that at one point my husband was like, I don't want to feel like I'm pushing myself on you. Like, yeah, if you don't want it, that's uncomfortable, you know.

SPEAKER_04 9:00

So that's one of those situations where as far as from a man's perspective perspective, okay, bubbling on my mouth. Too many drinks, y'all. Um if you're not having that type of thought process, because you could tell, fellas, don't act like you don't, or can't feel like a real lady was either into it, yeah, feeling it, right? You kind of like the after you're like, dang, because I've not had those moments where I felt like, man, like, did I just push myself onto my wife? Right. Like, because I don't know. I it's one of those feelings that you can really uh know, but it doesn't start just right away, right? It it comes with that connection that you build over time.

SPEAKER_02 9:45

Time, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:45

And really owning into that, right? And say, ah, yep, got it in. I'm going to bed, right? Like, you can really feel that when you guys build that connection and start to learn and understand. And that's where it really kicks in for you to be able to really reach that potential in your relationship and grow.

SPEAKER_02 10:04

And yeah, and and this again, from a woman's um perspective of that, like like you say, you can just feel it, right? There's no connection there. You're like, okay, well, I'm just doing this because this is what my husband wants right now, right? Right. And again, like you just really have to be willing to even be honest with yourself. You know, someone might say, Oh, it's not that bad. This is just what we do. No, that's not what we do. Yeah, you know, again, you want to build that healthy connection to where you guys are communicating because that is going to be the biggest thing, because that can grow into something just not fun. I don't know what word I'm looking for, but that can just grow into something so unhealthy to where now you're feeling so obligated to give your man sex when you you're not in the mood. You don't want to be bothered, you know. And so I think, like again, those are the moments. If I felt like, hey, babe, not tonight, or what he respected those boundaries, which is what we were saying earlier. Boundaries come with intimacy and respectful boundaries, you know, are needed. So yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:10

All right, so let's hop into number three. What we got?

SPEAKER_02 11:12

All right, babe.

SPEAKER_04 11:13

Third question.

SPEAKER_02 11:14

So now we're gonna get into the physical changes, right? That comes with age, health. These things aren't optional, guys. You're gonna age. Damn, something more than likely, we like you can be the healthiest person, but something health-wise can most definitely happen and how we respond to them, right? So we're talking about erectile dysfunction, E. D. premenopause, medications, these all can affect intimacy directly. So what like let's start with you. What what we've been there. Yeah, we've been through each and every one of the th the three that I just listed. So let's start with you.

SPEAKER_04 11:59

There are situations where individually you kind of are in a in a place where you gotta either speak to your partner, yeah, or um it's kind of hard to even say figure out your own. I mean, we can't do this by ourselves. Fellas, you can't do it by yourself. You know, I experienced uh health situations that um I didn't know that was even there.

SPEAKER_02 12:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 12:23

I wasn't even aware of it uh because I wasn't really getting that, taking that moment to check on myself or to see what's going on.

SPEAKER_02 12:30

Well, because it happened suddenly too. It happened. It just happened just suddenly, right? Correct. So if you're you're not checking, if it ain't broke, don't fix it, kind of thing, right? What do we talk about?

SPEAKER_04 12:40

A lot of men, when it a lot of men don't know it. When it happens for the first time, that's not gonna be the first question that comes to your mind. Right. I'm wondering if I'm dealing with erectile dysfunction.

SPEAKER_02 12:49

Right?

SPEAKER_04 12:49

E D for short, all right? So it's it's it's a comfort it comes to a point in your life where you um can't keep making excuses and really look into it because if your health is very important. If there's a healthy issue, that at least helps the communication start. Yes. And you're letting your lady know, and you guys could be on the same page. And trust me, it's not gonna be like that forever. Okay, but it's a start to making sure you get to a healthy place to where you're able to continue to have that connection as you guys grow.

SPEAKER_02 13:22

Yeah, yeah. Um, most definitely that was a a very I I wouldn't say a dark time for me and you. It was like you said, it was more of a confusing time because it suddenly happened and it had happened several times. I think at one point we thought it was because of a dental procedure that he had um due to the medications they had given him. Um, but then it happened maybe like a few more times after that. And we finally figured out that the health issue was very, very high blood pressure that you had been dealing with for years. Like, like there were warning signs, guys. That's the thing. When our body is talking to us, please listen. You know, for my husband's case, his body was his eyes, he kind of he always used to get these really bad pain in his eyes to the point like it would not go away unless he just went to sleep.

SPEAKER_04 14:13

That was a struggle itself, right?

SPEAKER_02 14:16

At one point we thought it was because you guys my husband was, you know, chiefing a little bit. That green, okay, and but you know what I'm saying? And and so we there were so many things, and then one day we went to the doctor and they were like, no, this is directly related to your high blood pressure. And so once we got that corrected, we were good to go. But it's just important to listen to your body, and you know, these things were happening, these things were happening to us, and it made me feel as a woman going through that. Like when I when we first um experienced it, was my husband not interested in me? Did I do something? What's going on? Is he cheating on me? So do not go through that, women, you know, or my ladies like don't go through that. And um men don't be ashamed to, you know, go go get it checked out. I mean, I you know, so yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:06

It's a mental effect that could change uh 360 change.

SPEAKER_02 15:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:11

And how you guys handle your day by day, your night by night, even in the moment, right? It was always a question for me, right?

SPEAKER_02 15:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:19

So overall, take time, right? Yeah. Take time to listen, take time to communicate, and fellas, get checked. Get checked, ladies, get checked.

SPEAKER_02 15:28

And then, yeah, I mean, coming over to my end, you know, like I said, we went through all three of these menopause. For me, that was again confusing. It was most definitely. I think at one point I did. I think you can menopause is one of those things you can first of all, menopause is like a silent, it's a it's a silent Debbie Downer. You don't even know you're even in it.

SPEAKER_04 15:53

Well, let's listen. Come on.

SPEAKER_02 15:55

Those hormones will have a woman raging. Like our like women depend. We depend on our hormones. And I would never forget it. You know, everybody who knows me knows I have the most prettiest, thickest hair, and it started to shed like crazy. And then here came the the the fatigue. I didn't want to do nothing. I didn't want to work out like I used to. Weight gain, you know, like what like what in the actual F was going on, I don't know. But I just was like, this is not normal. No matter how much I diet, no matter how much I exercise, I could not get rid of my postpartum or my um the I call it the pregnant belly. You just couldn't get rid of it, right? And my husband was working with me, we're doing everything, and then finally I got all my hormones checked, and that was only due to me being irregular with my my um cycle. And that's when I found out that I was pre-menopausal.

SPEAKER_03 16:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:51

And I think that was that day I found out was kind of like sad for me. That was like really a sad moment. I think I went in the in itself just being told, you cannot have no more babies. Your body cannot have no more babies. I and but but also finding out what was wrong with me, right? Like I had an answer to a situation now. It wasn't confusion, it wasn't, you know, what is going on because I really thought something was wrong with me. I knew I was not the same. I did not want to be sexually active with my husband. I did not want him touching me. I was so enrage. Like, and like I that's why I said it's it's a very pre-mental pause, it's a silent Debbie Downer because you can be in it and don't even know for years. And you're like, why am I just up and down, up and down?

SPEAKER_04 17:40

So it's a roller coaster, fella. For sure. So if you're listening to this podcast, you're like, man, I I really want to understand my lady. I mean, yeah, this is where it starts. Take time.

SPEAKER_02 17:52

My husband went to every doctor's appointment with me, and I went to every doctor's appointment with him because we want to be, you know, we want to we want to be intentional with those moments to understand, you know, not just me coming home and saying, Oh, the doctor said X, Y, and Z, and him coming home and saying, Oh, well, they said X, Y, and like, no, we're there, we're in the moment. We're really trying to connect. And that again, that's even a form of intimacy to me, you know, because my health is important to you, yours is to me, right?

SPEAKER_04 18:18

Correct. About that love in that life, man. I'm trying to build that up.

SPEAKER_02 18:22

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 18:23

So I'm gonna hit up number four, all right? Which, of course, every couple um hits a season where intimacy fades, right? Sometimes it's weeks, sometimes it's months. Yes. Okay. So, how do you uh get the intimacy back after a long dry spell? Okay, whether from stress, health, or just life.

SPEAKER_02 18:45

I I think you take baby steps. I think in those moments where we had our dry spells, whether that was me just I uh I guess for example, I can give you guys my last pregnancy with baby Jackson, I went through postpartum depression, and that was a dry spell for us. I mean, me and my again, me and my husband are very intimate in many different ways. And so when things change, we know like that ain't right. And so when I went through that with baby Jackson, that was a dry season for me. And you know, the way we just overcame that again was getting checked out, figuring out what's going on, and just kind of like praying together, yeah, right, and finding other ways to show our our our intimacy with one another, you know.

SPEAKER_04 19:30

Yeah, it it never goes away, okay? It's always gonna be there, right? Um, but when that dry spell does happen, listen, fellas. Take time to understand and learn. Okay, we are learning here, yeah. We're always learning. We've we've been learning since we were conceived as little tiny little nuggets, right? So we're always learning. So relationship is about learning, and when that happens, fellas, take time to learn. Um, because those moments can create a chaos that you don't really deserve. Your partner doesn't really deserve, and it creates a question. So even if time goes by and everything goes back to normal, right? You sometimes find yourself in arguments and then you realize like, hey, you weren't here for me for this part of my life.

SPEAKER_02 20:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:20

Right. And that's a devastating blow. And how you handle that, it it depends on how you guys grown in that part of your life. To be able to communicate from learning. All right.

SPEAKER_02 20:33

Yeah. I mean, yeah, that's that's an awesome answer, babe. But and I want because I know you're like fellas, fellas, but you know, ladies, you have to be able to connect with your man sometimes too, because this this can absolutely be reverse roles too, you know. I feel like that is a perception that people feel like it it's always the man that wanted more than a woman. Yes, theoretic, theoretic, theoretically, I can ever say theoretically. Theoretically, yes, that is normally the case. But some cases you do have women like they want it all the time too. And some men are just like, I'm just I'm not in the mood right now. So I think we need to recognize that the fellas go through a lot of these things too, and that men actually have their own little storm as mental calls as well, which is that ED, that's y'all mental balls.

SPEAKER_04 21:24

Hey, I'm always just trying to stay on the good side now, all right?

SPEAKER_02 21:28

All right, let's jump into this last question, babe. All right, all right, the communication around intimacy. This is harder than the problem itself because it's uncomfortable, right? Yeah, all right. How do we bring it up? What words do we use? Okay. How do you talk to your partner about intimacy problems without making them feel like something is wrong with them? Like, how did we get through that?

SPEAKER_04 21:57

We got through it. Um, but By sharing our emotions, sharing our feelings, and acknowledging uh each other in a sense that allow us to really feel the impact of wanting to get better, knowing that we are going to get better, yeah, and we're gonna get through it together, right? Yeah. This is a one-two combo, right? The words are what we're looking for are like, hey, we're we're gonna be okay.

SPEAKER_02 22:32

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 22:32

Um, you know what, we we got the answer, so let's work through it. Yeah. Right? Um, you know, uh, let's let's make sure that we are taking uh each step needed, right? I think those are the indication of teamwork right there, like to be needed, to know that you're being somebody has your back and not treated in a situation where it goes to the whole left side of the field, right? And the whole situation that doesn't make sense, right? It's knowing and understanding that part of it. And that I feel really helps us out a lot.

SPEAKER_02 23:07

Yeah, I would never forget um a moment. I don't know what had happened, what was what, but like you said, I remember like we made love and when we wrapped it up, you know, I don't I'm trying to keep it clean, but when we got done, um you just you you laid there and you were like what's wrong? And in that moment I felt like I could not, right? Like I could I feel like I couldn't talk to you about it. Yeah, because I didn't want my husband to feel some type of way. I didn't want him to feel like like anything, right? I didn't know at that moment what I didn't want him to feel like. It was just very uncomfortable for me to tell my husband, I didn't feel like making love, but I just did it for you. Um, and but I I guess the best thing to do is in that moment for me was to rip off the band aid, right? Rip and just really communicate that to him on how I felt in that moment.

SPEAKER_03 24:01

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 24:02

Um, I think the worst thing you can do is get into arguments and wait and then lay it on that person all at once. Well, da da da and you, and we all because it's like, where's all this coming from, right?

SPEAKER_04 24:15

So I think there we got an argument. Okay, it was just we're not gonna say that don't get argument because we we went through it. That's what we're saying, don't get argument. Yeah, yeah. We've been through it, right? And we're like, man, when we look back at it, we're like that's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 24:29

We could have just talked it out.

SPEAKER_04 24:30

It was a moment that was dark, it was a moment that were it was not liking each other, resenting, like, well, like, why? Why yeah? It's a it's a it's a bad place, and um, it's hard to get out of it if you keep seeking sinking into it more and more and more with the negative part of it, with the attitude, with the word, with the arguments. So you gotta pick wisely. What do you what what do you want for your marriage? What do you want for for that situation? You want every situation that is bad to actually be able to be a tool to navigate through, learn from it, and grow.

SPEAKER_02 25:05

Yeah. And again, like I said, since I can finish my whole story now for the people, good gosh, Harry.

SPEAKER_04 25:13

I'm jumping in.

SPEAKER_02 25:15

God, deep dive. But anyway, y'all, back to what I was saying, just so you guys can get a full picture, is in that moment, I expressed myself, and I remember my husband said these words to me. He says, You are important to me. I don't ever want you to feel like that again. Your feelings matter to me. And I remember you said that to me. And in that moment, I knew like I can I can really tell you things without you being offended. And that is the best relationship, is when you can tell your man or your woman something and they do not get offended or try to uh be validate why they did it or not be accountable. My husband was accountable and he apologized. And yeah, I mean, that that's where the healthy begin, right?

SPEAKER_04 26:03

Where it begins, y'all.

SPEAKER_02 26:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 26:04

Right. So, overall, um, for those top five questions, again, we are here to help build healthy relationships. And going over those questions, we hope that each one of them was able to kind of guide your situation that you're going through. But if there's any other questions you want to ask, go ahead and drop a comment. You know what I mean? We'll be glad to help answer it and be able to give you our light on it and if it aligns especially with our situation. So again, get checked out, fellas. ED, blood pressure, menopause, females, get checked out, pre-menopause. Look out for those signs.

SPEAKER_02 26:40

Yes, it's real, it's real, guys.

SPEAKER_04 26:42

So we're gonna jump in to our next segment. You ready?

SPEAKER_02 26:45

Yes, I am ready, babe.

SPEAKER_04 26:47

Man, let's rock and roll.

SPEAKER_02 26:48

All right, guys. So for our next segment, this is the real talk.

SPEAKER_04 26:51

Real talk time.

SPEAKER_02 26:52

Yes. All right, babe. When did you first notice something was different and what did that moment feel like to you?

SPEAKER_04 26:59

Uh, I noticed that something was different again when I had that dental procedure. I came home from being under the anesthesia.

SPEAKER_02 27:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 27:08

Because, you know, I hate going to dentist. And I I told him in the situation for my certain distraction, I had to be put to sleep. And when it happened, I it was a moment of, okay, well, maybe it's because of this. Yeah. Right. So I took that situation and kind of just put it to the side. And you quickly agree, like, okay, maybe it is that because, you know, I I didn't know no better.

SPEAKER_02 27:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 27:32

Um, but then it happened again.

SPEAKER_02 27:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 27:35

Well, I'm like, okay, well, I know it can't be from that being in my system for that long, right? So that's when the question started to kind of creep in, and it was like, what's going on? And I didn't really know how to take it.

SPEAKER_02 27:50

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, um, for sure. I feel like for me, again, obviously, you know this, ladies, it's down, but um I knew something was wrong because again, we never had that problem before. And we were like younger, this was several years back.

SPEAKER_04 28:07

Several years back.

SPEAKER_02 28:08

Like in like mid-30s, early, yeah. Early, early, early to mid. Yeah. So I knew something was wrong, and we just had to figure it out for sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 28:16

We just had to try to find a way.

SPEAKER_02 28:18

Yeah. Obviously, the moment for both of us, which is very confusing. Now, on my end, I like I said, I most definitely knew once my cycle was skipping.

SPEAKER_04 28:30

We talk about the pre-menopause. Yeah, sorry. My pre-menopause. When she went through pre-menopause, how she went.

SPEAKER_02 28:36

Yeah. When my cycle started, I would literally have a cycle, a normal four days like I normally do, and then bam, two weeks later I'm back on. And I was like, okay, like he said, maybe it's just something just like I'm under stress because I had just gotten a car accident. Um, because this actually, my car accident kind of threw me into menopause because it was just I had so much stress going on.

SPEAKER_04 28:56

A lot of stress.

SPEAKER_02 28:57

Um, but yeah, it was it was it was the same as you. Like maybe this is just a one-time thing, but then it kept happening, and that's when I knew what's going on. Oh, and then by the way, I started having hot flashes. I would never forget the moment I had my first hot flash. I I just couldn't, I could not cool down. And I said, Oh, hell no. I've watched my mom have those for too long. I know what that means. And I'm like, but I was not like I was not associating associating with it because my mom had a voluntary hysterectomy. I haven't had none of that, and I'm like, what's going on? So yeah, that's how I found out I was in menopause.

SPEAKER_04 29:34

That's crazy, right? Yeah, it's one of those moments that it really creates a thought process that is lonely.

SPEAKER_02 29:43

It is very lonely. Very lonely.

SPEAKER_04 29:45

And you have to find a way to communicate well in this in those moments if you can. For sure. Catch it if you can. If not, yeah, you're gonna go through a little bit of roller coaster. Yeah, it's just gonna happen if you don't catch it in time.

SPEAKER_02 29:59

It's listen to your body, like I said. What was going through your mind? Like, were you scared, embarrassed? Obviously, we answered that we were scared and confused, but did the did this embarrass you? I guess that's the biggest question.

SPEAKER_04 30:13

Yes, my ED embarrassed me a lot.

SPEAKER_02 30:16

What man wouldn't be, right? Right, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 30:18

What man wouldn't be? You're like the heat of the moment, and it's like been a hundred percent KO, Mayweather, knockout, no problem. We are 100 and oh, a thousand and oh. We ain't lost a battle, right? We are on the grind, like, bro, greatest of all time. And then it's just what hey, what's going on? So I was extremely embarrassed. Yeah, I was like, this is not happening. Because then it started getting to the conversation with you, hearing that from the first time, you saying, like, what's going on? Like, are you not into me? Yes, you know, yeah, and it's like I I am, but I fellas we can't explain it. It's just so hard to explain. And it's like, no, I am, but it's like, come on, like, who wouldn't be ready for that moment? And when that happens, it's it's very embarrassing.

SPEAKER_02 31:12

Yeah, yeah. What was the loudest thought you would say for yourself?

SPEAKER_04 31:16

Um, why? Like, literally, like, why?

SPEAKER_02 31:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:22

I used to be like just sitting in there and just wondering and thinking like, like, here you are, you you went to sleep, and I'm questioning like my whole life. Like, is it over now? Am I gonna is this never gonna be? Is this always gonna be like this? Like, tomorrow is gonna work? Is it gonna work in two days from now?

SPEAKER_02 31:45

And even the doctor told you they start to become psychological. Psychological.

SPEAKER_04 31:49

And it really did because I didn't, I couldn't, I I couldn't know. I didn't know. And it's like every moment leading up to that, to that magical connection that you get to have as a couple, it was always a question in my mind, is it gonna die again? You know what I mean? Is it gonna even come alive? Right? Oh my god, it was so hard, it was so tough, you know.

SPEAKER_02 32:14

Um, from my perspective with the menopause, I wouldn't say I was again, I was scared and confused, but for me, I was not embarrassed. I just felt crazy. That is the best way I can describe it because one moment I'm like, I love you. And the next moment I'm like, get the f away from me. Like I'm like, don't touch me, you know, and I'm just like enraged. My babe's like, what did I do? I mean, there were moments I would just be upset, like, get away from me. Like, I would just give him the depth stare. Like, looks can kill. My husband would be seven feet under.

SPEAKER_04 32:48

You guys are looking on uh on YouTube, you can see my reaction right now, and I'm just yeah, that was very dreadful.

SPEAKER_02 32:56

But that I would say that's the hardest part as a woman, because like I said, before I even found out what was wrong with me, I'm just thinking maybe I'm just under a lot of pressure. I right again, I just got in a car accident, I have to go through physical therapy. I had a lot of things going on, and lo and behold, like I said, it was just hormonal, it was menopause. And men, a lot of men don't understand. You didn't understand.

SPEAKER_04 33:20

I didn't understand, and you were going through, and I'm just like, hey, I'm not I was you thought I didn't want you at one point. You're like, yo, I'm ready. And in it it was like those points where we're like, hey, like, okay, and then it's it's uncomfortable, and then now you have a little conversation, how I felt uncomfortable, and yes, it was one of those things like, well, dang, what am I doing wrong? Wrong.

SPEAKER_02 33:39

And yes, that was the biggest thing is with menopause, again, it's hormonal, it can mess up a lot of things. One of the symptoms is um dry, um, dryness, vaginal, you know, it naturally does not, and so that was one of the issues that we were having. Is like, I'm like, this doesn't feel right. It's painful. Like, I don't, that's something he had to do with as a man. Like, what am I doing? Me, like, my body's not working. My body used to work, and that's the connection, that's the beautiful connection that men and women have is his body didn't work at one point, my body didn't work at one point, and but we found a happy ending, like getting the medic right medications. I'm on um estrogen and progesterone, you know, I have to be on that to get to give my body what it needs. And I am so happy to say, like, what for the last two years or so? I want to say in that first year, like the first six months, I didn't know what was going on, right? And then, like, so once I got on my hormones and I got my body, like, we are good. Once he got on his blood pressure medicine, we were good. And that's guys, a simple fix. Can you imagine something that simple, not getting a fix with your partner now, no communication, trying to go with that through yourself, and now you guys are divorced or broken up if you're just you know dating. Can you imagine something like going through it together? You could have just figured that out and still be happy, like still be happy. It was just a simple fix, right? Yes, it's it's it's hurtful, it's it's embarrassing, it's confusing, but ultimately it was a simple fix.

SPEAKER_04 35:10

Simple fix. Yeah, and like it's you find yourself attacking each other for no reason, yeah. And and it'll go going down rabbit holes, intrusive thoughts, yeah. You guys don't belong. Come on, we are healthy relationship builders. It right, you don't deserve that uh in a relationship. Um, and if you're able to catch this, listen to it, if you're able to share your experience with somebody else as close as well, too, yeah, do so because there's so many couples that need to understand this because we need to understand it and only wish.

SPEAKER_02 35:43

That's the beauty of us discovering it. Yeah, yeah. Which was one of our questions. How did discovering these these changes within ourselves, how did it help us? And we just explained that to you guys. That that's how it helps.

SPEAKER_04 35:53

It helps a lot.

SPEAKER_02 35:54

Um what do you wish someone had told you when you were going through it? I mean, I don't know. Obviously, I don't think you've ever met nobody that went well, you wouldn't know because you didn't really talk to nobody yet.

SPEAKER_04 36:08

Well, I wish somebody would have just uh would have given me like a list, like a breakdown, right? Well, like what do you experience right now? Well, I'm I got headache. Like, I think you might have blood pressure.

SPEAKER_03 36:18

You should go get checked out.

SPEAKER_04 36:20

I wish somebody would have told me those words. You should get checked out. I mean, well, my wife told me those words all the time. And did right and did I'm hard headed.

SPEAKER_02 36:30

Not because he was having the the issue, because he wasn't even having that. Let's let's let's keep it mindful. My husband was not having any of these issues. These were like long before issues with him just having eye pressure. I still didn't know that was even related to his blood pressure. It wasn't until he had a nosebleed, guys. He literally bled profuse, profusely, like two hours, two hours straight, just bleeding, bleeding. And I was like, if your ass don't stop bleeding in the next 30 minutes, we are going straight to the ER. And that's how we discovered when the when he told his primary, yeah, I just got, I went to urgent care for this and this. And the doctor was like, Well, that's why that was happening. So yeah, wow, man. But had yes, had he listened to his wife, listen, who was out of nursing school at the time, who had been telling him to get checked. I think even before nursing when I finished, I was like, babe, you need to go get checked. I'm fine. I just need to sleep it off. I'm fine, I just need to sleep it off. Had he gone, had he went, y'all, yeah. He probably wouldn't have gone through that.

SPEAKER_04 37:29

Get your body checked, fellas.

SPEAKER_02 37:31

Listen, listen to your partner when they tell you something. I don't care if you're man telling a woman, woman telling a man, listen to your partner. If they're telling you, they're telling you for a reason. Don't be stubborn, get checked out.

SPEAKER_04 37:43

Get checked out, guys.

SPEAKER_02 37:45

Um, yeah, so we talked about how do we support each other. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 37:56

Alright, so we're finna go ahead and jump into our next segment. And you already know that uh it's one of those um what do you want to call it? A little bit more into the health situation. Yeah, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 38:10

When nobody tells you.

SPEAKER_04 38:11

When nobody tells you. I think that um it's very important to kind of go through these moments and get the answer that you need. So let's jump into it.

SPEAKER_02 38:20

Alright, babe. Take the wheel.

SPEAKER_04 38:22

Alright, so obviously, um we know that uh for me and my um erectile dysfunction, ED, um, discovering it that was high blood pressure that was causing it, right? Yes, yeah. So, how did a high blood pressure um connection with my ED, how it went un undiagnosed and what getting checked and what getting it checked change?

SPEAKER_02 38:47

Well, number one, how did how it went undiagnosed because it came off as just eye pressure.

SPEAKER_04 38:52

I don't know what's going on.

SPEAKER_02 38:53

Uh yeah. I just need to get sleep. I'm tired. I mean, y'all, we had babies, so feel normal, fella. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 38:59

When you're young and you're getting older, like you don't realize that you're getting older until you're old. Okay. So all the time we're like, man, I'm good, right? Fall, brush it off. HD, get up, right? Yeah. So we ignore a lot of signs because we're like, man, I'm so good. I'm strong.

SPEAKER_02 39:16

Especially, man, you guys are so stubborn. My husband is stubborn.

SPEAKER_04 39:22

Big time. I ain't gonna lie. Stubborn. I ain't gonna lie about that. Um, but then once I found out was the high blood blood pressure, blood pressure, yes, um, was part of it, okay, because it's that's just that was only part of it. Because it's psychological, um, you had to fix that, yeah. There's a lot of things involved into it, but that's one of the main reasons why that enhances that experience with the ED, right?

SPEAKER_02 39:48

Well, because that's something that's traumatizing. It is, right? You're like, please don't, please don't, please, yeah. And then it does it. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 39:55

It becomes yeah, beyond proper medication to help with that, uh, really did change.

SPEAKER_02 40:00

Meditating. You did a lot of meditating, meditating, exercise, exercising, losing weight.

SPEAKER_04 40:06

Um, those are very key essential parts uh to being able to maintain uh not dealing with it as frequently because it still continued. It was something that just naturally just went away within the next week or day or two. Like it happened at a time, right?

SPEAKER_02 40:23

Yeah, not not frequent.

SPEAKER_04 40:25

Well, not frequently, but it was.

SPEAKER_02 40:26

It was happening frequently. Well, no, I wouldn't even say it was happening frequently. I think that was the scary part is that it wasn't even happen, happening at a rate of like, damn. It was like, it would just come, whatever.

SPEAKER_04 40:38

Whatever it felt like it, and you just be sitting there and you'd be like, damn, not again. Yeah, you know, but yeah, obviously, we gotta work we work through it.

SPEAKER_02 40:46

Um, okay. Okay, babe, for you, the message to every man. Well, like obviously you've said this. What would be your main message though from your issue, your takeaway?

SPEAKER_04 40:56

Get checked out, fellas. Please. Please get your hormones checked.

SPEAKER_02 41:01

Men too. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 41:02

Frequently. When I say frequently, I'm not talking about every other week. I mean, every six months is is very decent.

SPEAKER_02 41:10

Yeah, right. For sure. For your yearly checkup.

SPEAKER_04 41:12

Once a year.

SPEAKER_02 41:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:13

At the most, at least once a year, just to make sure you're good. Because outside of ED, there's, you know, a lot of things in our men and that bodies, right? Because for black men, unfortunately, we are very highly anticipated on getting or have being diagnosed with high blood pressure.

SPEAKER_02 41:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:33

And it's hard for us to avoid. And high blood pressure is the silent killer.

SPEAKER_02 41:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:38

You know, so it's very important that you are checking in with your body at least once a year. You know, or and then, of course, if after that checkup, if you're experiencing anything that is not of normal, right? Headaches, fatigue, dizziness, certain certain things. I mean, obviously.

SPEAKER_02 41:58

Eye pain.

SPEAKER_04 41:58

That should make anybody go to the doctor. So, but don't play Mr. Macho. All right. Yeah. Get up, go get checked out. It's important.

SPEAKER_02 42:06

Yeah. All right, babe. Hit up number three for us.

SPEAKER_04 42:09

All right. So for number three, we have uh for you, babe, pre-menopause for woman.

SPEAKER_03 42:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 42:16

Uh, what the what it does to desired mood and intimacy and why it's not talked about enough. And we again we touched about that a little bit. Um, but is there any more that you could add?

SPEAKER_02 42:28

I would say going into why it's not talked about, and again, going into why a lot of breakups or divorces have happened because of that.

SPEAKER_03 42:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:38

Um, is because it's not talked about. Again, I say it's the silent Debbie Downer. Um, and if your marriage can't withhold it, it like, I mean, it could have took us out if it wanted to.

SPEAKER_03 42:49

It could have. It really could have.

SPEAKER_02 42:50

I'm not gonna even lie. Um, it's not talked about because it's just not in the public enough. I would say more so now than ever. Menopause is being talked about for the first time at the rate it's being talked about. And now more women are becoming aware, like myself, and I put it out there to other women. You know, anytime I get a chance and a friend or a family is like, I've been feeling this, this, that. Oh, girl, go get your hormones checked. You may be going through really? Yes. Because again, women don't think that they are going through something. They think, oh, I'm too young to go through that. And that's the same thing I told myself. I'm too young to go through that. And you damn right you is. That's why you better get these hormones because there's so osteoporosis, uh, blood pressure issues, uh, cancers, you get your estrogens skyrocketing, cervical cancers. There's so much things related. And I feel like it's not talked about enough. And I feel like if more men knew and understood it, they would work with their wives. They would understand their wives to get her fixed, to help her get herself in a better place because it is very depressing for us, men. It's not Fun to go through. It's something that we cannot control. This is something that our body is naturally transitioning through that we cannot control. When it happens, it happens. And so I think the best and most important thing Harry could have ever done was take time to understand it. Read about it with me. Really, really go to, like I said, go to all my appointments with me and understand it and just really hold my hand through this. Like you said, we're gonna be okay, babe. It was a we issue, it wasn't a me issue. So yeah.

SPEAKER_04 44:33

Powerful right there. All right. So let's go ahead and jump into another part. Okay. Uh question that I I feel that could help, which is what did this season teach you about intimacy that being physically connected never could?

SPEAKER_02 44:50

Um, again, we learn so many forms of intimacy because menopause is one of those things it can make sex feel very uncomfortable. It can make you you feel just like it really can. Um and I think for me and you, we learn things like take a walk in the park, right? Just hold each other, just really just have a glass of wine on the couch in our bed and just lay together. You know, there's been moments where we just lay together completely naked and not even do nothing. We're just spooning all night, watch a good movie. That's how we fall asleep and tough, you know.

SPEAKER_04 45:26

So very hard. But it happens. It happens. You do it, it's possible, and it does help. I ain't gonna lie. Sure.

SPEAKER_02 45:36

You're so crazy, babe. But yeah, those are moments we just really learn reading the Bible. Like, some things may sound cliche, but no, guys. Like, if you really learn to look beyond the bed, beyond bedroom walls, beyond that, you can you can have sexual connections, sexual fill-ins. You can orgasm over literally just kissing and touching, you know, dancing to like one of those things that me and my husband love to do. I am a 90s girl, I'm a 90s baby. My mom played it around me, my dad played around me. I will throw in some of my 90s music, and me and my husband will dance the night away with some wine. And I mean, it's the best time. I love dancing with my husband.

SPEAKER_04 46:18

Yeah, you hit it. Hey, look, by ourselves in our living room, chilling, just thugging it out. That's right. I love this woman. You know what I'm saying? I love you too. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_02 46:28

That's we have 20 years.

SPEAKER_04 46:31

It didn't come by just this is real, y'all. This is real, this is all whether you like it or not.

SPEAKER_02 46:36

This is this is Harry and Sardin.

SPEAKER_04 46:37

We learned, all right. Yo, now, obviously, we're gonna be able to have any other real talk questions you would like to again submit it, man. Come comment it in, message us, let allow us to be able to read it, and we're gonna answer it and help you guys get through that and build that healthy relationship. Okay, all right. So, woo, you already know what time it is. Yes, time for the hot seat. We're gonna jump to that next step when you ready? Oh, yeah. Let's get ready. All right, hot seat time.

SPEAKER_02 47:07

And again, huh? In here.

SPEAKER_04 47:09

Too hot. We are gonna be reading off our questions. This is gonna be simple and fast responses. Okay, no detail into it, uh, or the detail will be at a very, very minimal. Um, because we want to get these questions out fast, answer fast, and just be like, oh no touch. Okay, going in, we're going out. All right. All right, so I'm gonna start by asking Shade a question. And then she's gonna ask me questions. So for my for your first question, Shah, what's the single biggest thing that affects your desire? Okay, stress, kids, energy, or something else? No softening it. Stress. Stress, yeah. I believe that stress could take you out, bro. Yeah, stress could be kids. I think kids add to the stress. If you have kids, exactly. I think those should be combined, it should be called care stress. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 48:02

Don't forget finances sometimes. And finally, you never go into them finances.

SPEAKER_04 48:05

Uh-huh. Call fine care stress. And I don't know how you want to call it. Something. All right. Number two, has there been a season in our marriage where you felt most disconnected from me intimately? What caused it?

SPEAKER_02 48:20

Oh, yeah, twice. Um, postpartum with Jackson and my menopause. For sure. Yeah. Completely disconnected. I'm talking about no electricity at all.

SPEAKER_04 48:30

No, uh zero. Right? Work through it. Learn. All right, fellas. Yes. So, number three, what do I do that makes you feel most desired? And am I still doing it?

SPEAKER_02 48:44

I love when you tell us let's go on our morning walks. You still do that to this day. And we might miss some days. I miss some days. But I love when you do that. And oh, one other thing. There is nothing better when I come home and there's like a little love note on the bed, or you just send a random text with a picture.

SPEAKER_04 49:02

Random text with a picture, though. Don't be scared to take that selfie and send it to your lady now, man. Take a bit of cheese. All right. All right, so next one. Okay. Um, when I was going through uh my health issue, right? What did you need from me that wasn't able to give uh that I wasn't able to give you at that time?

SPEAKER_02 49:21

When you were going through your health issue, what did I need from you? I think just understanding, but I don't, again, that's not even fair to say because you didn't even have an understanding. I don't think there was anything you could give me at that time because we didn't even have a real answer, right?

SPEAKER_04 49:36

Well, I think it came down to listening and asking me in the chat.

SPEAKER_02 49:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 49:40

I feel that.

SPEAKER_02 49:41

Yeah. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 49:44

Right?

SPEAKER_02 49:44

Okay, yes. Boom! He, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 49:47

Drop the mic. That's not a drop mic moment, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02 49:49

You yeah, it really wasn't. But yes, that is no, that would be totally true. You're right, babe.

SPEAKER_04 49:54

All right, and number five, finish this question, all right? And the question is if I bring it back up, I'm so sorry. All right, our intimacy is strongest when our intimacy is the strongest when we're intimate.

SPEAKER_02 50:10

I overall, okay.

SPEAKER_04 50:12

Not just the bedroom. That's just the bedroom. We can't be just telling y'all these things about how the grown intimacy is just about the bedroom. It's about the overall intimacy.

SPEAKER_02 50:22

It is about the overall intimacy, but I mean, yeah, it's love making is a strong connection.

SPEAKER_04 50:27

Big time.

SPEAKER_02 50:27

Why do you think there's some people that just crazy out here over that D?

SPEAKER_04 50:30

They're crazy over there.

SPEAKER_02 50:32

Okay, that was teenage. But you know, like, like, yeah, I mean, that's overall, yes, but that is the strongest connection, yeah, right. All the other we're what we're teaching our audience, babe, is yes, there are other ways when going through something, right? There, you don't, you you can't go beyond the bedroom, but don't get it twisted. You need that love, you need that intimate connection. So don't get it twisted. There are other ways when we're going through some things, yeah, because things will happen, and you're gonna have to know and understand you can't get it tonight, but we can do this tonight. So that's I really want to emphasize the importance on that, guys.

SPEAKER_04 51:12

Big time. Let's run it. All right, your five questions for me.

SPEAKER_02 51:16

Let's go. All right, what was the hardest part going through ED? The physical side, was it the physical side or um what it did to your head? So it's physical or psychological?

SPEAKER_04 51:29

I think it's head. Yeah, most definitely. Physically, there's nothing I could do.

SPEAKER_02 51:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 51:33

Headwise, there was a lot that I can do. And I think it was uh when it started messing my head, I really got bad. It was bad.

SPEAKER_02 51:41

Because now you were doing it to yourself more than it was doing it to yourself. Exactly. Exactly, yeah. All right, did you ever consider not telling me? Or how close were you to just carrying it alone? I don't think that was one thing. I don't think you could not not tell me.

SPEAKER_04 51:54

Um, no, I don't think I was ever at a point where I was considering to not tell you. You couldn't, or would I wanted to try to do it alone? But I think uh to kind of answer that question, I say that um no. I wasn't. Just to be good, quick and simple. I think I I could get into detail about it, but just a hot seat.

SPEAKER_02 52:13

I can't. But I don't think that's something you can hide, though. Like we're in the moment and that's when it's happening, right? You can hide it. How?

SPEAKER_04 52:22

By just constantly blaming it on something.

SPEAKER_02 52:25

Okay. So you can hide behind something, not actually hide it.

SPEAKER_04 52:29

Not hide, hide behind.

SPEAKER_02 52:30

Because I'm thinking, like, that's something you can't hide. Y'all know what I mean. Yeah. But if you're talking about, yes, not being like, you're not, yes, I totally see that. You can hide behind things. Okay, gotcha.

SPEAKER_04 52:39

Yes, ma'am.

SPEAKER_02 52:40

All right, did you um I'm sorry, what was one thing I did during that season that you'll never forget?

SPEAKER_04 52:47

Oh man. Um, you you learn to understand.

SPEAKER_02 52:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 52:55

I think when you learn to understand where I was coming from, getting checked out and knowing that, okay, we have a problem here and we're gonna fix it together. I think that really helped a lot.

SPEAKER_02 53:06

Yeah, yeah, for sure. Um rate our intimacy right now one to ten. And what will make it a ten?

SPEAKER_04 53:13

It's a ten times ten. We'll make it a ten, not a ten thing, alright? I want to say the other word, but not a damn, no, it's not a ten thing, all right? Everything, everything that is that that it's there's no way, it's impossible. It's always a ten. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:34

You're a ten too.

SPEAKER_04 53:36

I mean brownie boy. Cooking away.

SPEAKER_02 53:45

Okay, let's finish. You feel closest to me, you feel the closest to me.

SPEAKER_04 53:53

When I get to hold you and I talk to you.

SPEAKER_02 54:02

Stop lying. What? When he in these jeans.

SPEAKER_04 54:07

Man, it doesn't start there. Alright.

SPEAKER_02 54:10

Okay, I'm just kidding. Go ahead. Sorry, I won't dream on me.

SPEAKER_04 54:15

That'll work every time. Maybe not every time. My plan is my plan.

SPEAKER_02 54:21

Whatever. Okay. Now, what's one thing about our intimacy you've never set on record before?

SPEAKER_04 54:35

How long are you selling a hot seat? Uh I can't get enough. I want you all the time. Every damn moment.

SPEAKER_01 54:42

You tell me that. So that's something you've never told me before, baby. You've always told me that.

SPEAKER_04 54:49

Well.

SPEAKER_02 54:57

Oh my god. I guess I can't really answer that either. Like, what's what's one thing our in um about our intimacy you've never said on record before? Nothing. I mean, we we kind of lay things out pretty straightforward with each other.

SPEAKER_03 55:11

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 55:12

I don't think there's not too much me and Harry do not conversate about when it comes to our relationship. So I would say like we're very blessed in that area. Um yeah, I think I've pretty much told you everything.

SPEAKER_04 55:26

Yeah, I believe that 100%.

SPEAKER_02 55:29

Like at this point, right?

SPEAKER_04 55:31

I ain't tripping.

SPEAKER_02 55:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 55:34

I I don't know if I should be tripping. I don't even know anymore.

SPEAKER_02 55:37

Um, last question, babe. Who needs more reassurance in the intimate side of this relationship? Who needs more reassurance? I would say we've had our bounce up moments with each other because there was times when I was going through menopause, I needed that reinsurance, right?

SPEAKER_04 55:55

I think you need reinsurance.

SPEAKER_02 55:57

Even like sometimes even going through the with the with the weight gain and stuff, like I needed a lot of reinsurance.

SPEAKER_04 56:04

I think you needed more of the reinsurance because your your emotions are more attached to yeah, certain situations, right? Obviously, I could say me, but that's just me being selfish, right? I need reinsurance that you're gonna guarantee me five days a week. Like, not true, fellas. Come on. I I think that it was you that needed more reinsurance, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_02 56:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 56:25

And hear that from me.

SPEAKER_02 56:27

Very true, guys. These were our most intimate moments. We just wanted to share. This is something we have really never shared with anybody, not even our own family. Um, so that again, this is why we make these podcasts because we have gone through 20 years, we have experienced probably everything imaginable that normal couples go through and are afraid to even speak on this. I mean, for us, we are not embarrassed. We are us, we love each other, we are real, we're gonna keep it 100. We go through stuff because everybody always asks us, how did y'all make 20 years? Well, here you go. There you go. There's the ugly truth of 20 years, guys. It's not perfect, it's not pretty.

SPEAKER_04 57:12

Of faith.

SPEAKER_02 57:12

Yeah, following it. It's praying together, it's crying together, it's really going through hard, dry seasons. Um, and just being able to pick each other back up, hold it, hold hands, say, I love you. It's gonna be okay. You're beautiful, we're gonna lose this weight together, you know. Um, we're gonna get through this together. And you will go through those moments of needing reassurance. Are you cheating on me? Who doesn't say that? Yeah, are you seeing someone else? Why are you not? You know what I'm saying? But the biggest take I want everybody to take away is that um you don't get to you don't get to five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30 years by everything being pretty and and aesthetic.

SPEAKER_04 57:52

Right. Don't you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 57:54

Ain't nothing aesthetic over here, battle scars over here. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 57:58

We done we we was a Titanic and we got sunk. Yeah, and then we had to get off that Titanic on a little small little boat and survive, yeah, and make it through. And when we did, we learned and we grew from it.

SPEAKER_02 58:14

And it's the most beautiful feeling to reach land from the sea, from the sea, get there, guys with your partner, but get there, get there together, and until next time, thank you guys so much for joining us.

SPEAKER_04 58:26

Remember, comment, share, yeah, like, listen to uh our podcast on your favorite uh station that you like to listen to podcast platform. Yeah, check us out. The link is in our bio. Click on the link and I will get you uh to everything our YouTube, our podcast channels. Um, and you can just sign in from there. If you want to support the show, you can go support the show uh through that link. Um, anything that questions again that you have, shoot it to us. We'll gladly love to answer it and see what our perspective can help with that.

SPEAKER_00 59:01

For sure.

SPEAKER_04 59:01

Bye, guys. Enjoy that night, man. See ya later. All right.

SPEAKER_00 59:06

Got that twenty year kind of truth right here. We need to talk about everything. So pull up a seat, let's get into it. We need to talk.