Episode 4: We Need To Talk About How We Talk | Communication, Triggers & Breaking Old Patterns

Most couples think they have good communication 
problem. But what if the real problem is not 
HOW you communicate, but WHAT is actually 
driving the conversation without your 
permission?

In Episode 4, Harry and Shade break down the 
two systems are running inside your brain every 
single day and show exactly how they show up 
inside a marriage, in real arguments, real 
patterns, and 20 years of real moments between 
two people who had to learn how to actually 
hear each other.

This one hits different. 🧠

📌 WHAT WE COVER IN THIS EPISODE:

00:00 - Cold Open
        Shade drops the receipts on Harry's
        communication — and he knew it was coming

🧠 The Framework
        The two systems running your brain
        every day whether you know it or not.
        System 1 — your automatic, reactive,
        old-program brain.
        System 2 — your intentional, conscious,
        choosing brain.
        Most couples are having System 1
        conversations and wondering why nothing
        ever gets resolved.

👫 The Real Talk — Harry & Shade's Story
        The patterns they brought in from
        childhood without realizing it.
        The receipts Shade had on Harry.
        The receipts Harry had on Shade.
        The argument they kept having for years
        — and what it was really about.
        The moment everything shifted.

🛠️ Tools That Actually Work
        4 practical tools to switch from
        reacting to responding — starting
        tonight.
        Tool 1 — Catch the thought
        Tool 2 — Question it
        Tool 3 — Choose the second thought
        Tool 4 — Create quiet

🔥 Hot Seat — Communication Edition
        "When I am talking to you, are you
        actually listening or already planning
        your response?"
        Fast. Unscripted. No skipping.

🎬 Outro + Episode 5 Tease
        Money is coming. Joint accounts,
        hidden purchases, financial secrets.
        The conversation that ends more
        marriages than cheating.

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💬 DROP A COMMENT — What is your System 1
trigger in your relationship? The thing that
sends you straight to reaction mode before
you can stop yourself?

We want to know. ⬇️
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❤️ SUPPORT THE SHOW:
If this episode helped you or your relationship
support us directly — every contribution keeps
the real talk coming every week.
👉 https://linktr.ee/WeneedtotalkHS

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to We Need to Talk with Harry and Sade. Time to let the real soak in. Yeah, we need to talk. We need to talk.

SPEAKER_02 0:23

What's up, everybody? Happy episode four, week four.

SPEAKER_01 0:28

Week four. Yes. Good with it.

SPEAKER_02 0:30

Yes, yes. So, guys, we have a good one for you today. We always have a good one for you. Communication.

SPEAKER_01 0:37

Man, communication.

SPEAKER_02 0:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

All right. Big time.

SPEAKER_02 0:42

No getting around it. You absolutely need it.

SPEAKER_01 0:44

24-7.

SPEAKER_02 0:46

The most important thing. I mean, we've talked about intimacy. Yeah. We talked about trust. But communication. This is where we have our biggest battles.

SPEAKER_01 0:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:57

And we have receipts for y'all.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

I knew this was coming. Hey, I'm cool. Trust, you know, we're working to build in healthy relationships.

SPEAKER_02 1:07

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:08

But this communication one, I wish I could say right now, 20 years in, we have the best communication in the world. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. We have communication issues this week alone.

SPEAKER_02 1:22

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:23

So it's a work in progress, but it's always a work in progress. We have a great tool and a great way to actually help communicate. Because over the years, that's what we were able to do. Learn how to communicate with each other. Um, to be able to have a healthy communication barrier, boundary, and allowing us to be able to actually listen to each other uh as we've grown over the years.

SPEAKER_02 1:48

Yeah. Yeah. So today we are talking about why you fight the way you do and where it actually comes from.

SPEAKER_03 1:54

Correct.

SPEAKER_02 1:55

Not from your partner. Yep. Or was it from before them?

SPEAKER_03 1:58

Right.

SPEAKER_02 1:59

So, like the foundation of why we are who we are. Where do certain communication issues come from, right?

SPEAKER_01 2:07

And we'll also be talking, we're also talking about your brain. All right. Yes. And it's crazy how we're about to get into this, but obviously, our brain is actually what is part of what's running our relationship. Yeah. Um, it is uh doing it without permission as well, too. Yes. That's the crazy part. Our brain is just like triggered.

SPEAKER_02 2:27

Yeah. Yeah. No, yeah, for sure. So welcome to episode four. Let's get into it.

SPEAKER_01 2:32

Let's get into it. And of course, before we get into it, we love to give y'all a little update. So we're about to do our lovely full house house.

SPEAKER_02 2:42

Yes, guys. Yes, yes, yes. So quick update, as you guys know. We literally just launched our business, doing this podcast now. So everything's been a little chaotic, adjusting. We're first-time business owners, but that is exciting, right?

SPEAKER_01 2:57

Very, very so, very so. You know what I mean? The hustle, the grind. Um, it's it was a a project, a dream, and now we're we're in it, we're making it happen. Um it's here. We got our kids, our wonderful children. Yeah. We have a soon-to-be freshman, our oldest son.

SPEAKER_02 3:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

You know, we have a daughter who wants to be a veterinarian, go to Japan.

SPEAKER_02 3:21

She wants to go to Japan, so she's actually been learning Japan and writing in Japan. So kudos to her.

SPEAKER_01 3:28

Right.

SPEAKER_02 3:28

You know, and she's actually looking into veterinarian um veterinarian clinics to volunteer out this summer. So we've been helping her with that. Um, our oldest just recently decided she wants to do journalism. She was gonna be a nurse like mommy, but she's like, Mom, I think I want to do journalism. That's more her, her, her thing, her flow, and I'm super excited for her. So she kind of switched gears on us, but it's all good. Baby Jackson's still the king, he runs the house, he's funny as hell, he keeps me going, he gets whatever he wants. I'll leave it at that.

SPEAKER_01 4:05

He does, and I I'll tell you what, I love my son, but all my kids, me and him, we always both head. Communication, communication is that little boy, you know. But we're gonna be able to do it.

SPEAKER_02 4:16

But enough about them, babe. We gotta get we we gotta get to it. We gotta get to it. I'm ready for this. Because we can talk about these kids all night. They're a handful of y'all. But we just wanted to check in with y'all to let y'all know what's kind of been going on in the Farkinson house a little bit and yes, overall with this communication, everything falls in line of what we want to be able to teach and show.

SPEAKER_01 4:36

Um but it's the framework um that comes with that. And uh, we was able to um do some reading and find out that our we don't have a left and right brain. We have a system one and a system two.

SPEAKER_02 4:51

Well, we still have a left and right.

SPEAKER_01 4:52

We do.

SPEAKER_02 4:53

But, you know, one one of the things that me and my husband have adopted through our twin years that we found helps us out a great deal is reading together, right?

SPEAKER_03 5:03

Right.

SPEAKER_02 5:03

I think we've done journaling together. Yeah, uh, we've done a lot of books, financial books, yeah, uh relationship books, just a lot of things that we felt will help move us in a positive direction to understand. And so this particular book was really amazing, um, just reading it. And like he said, system one versus system two, understanding that. And we were like, this is like amazing because our marriages literally depend on system one and system two. Our life, like your your the your everyday life kind of depends on it.

SPEAKER_01 5:36

Yeah, yeah. And even before learning it, once discovering this uh this way of thinking and way of doing a system one and system two, it I really see how it could have helped us a lot in our young married years, you know.

SPEAKER_02 5:51

Right, right, right.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

So this is big, man. I really love this concept we're about to teach and show you.

SPEAKER_02 5:57

And hopefully a young couple out there, or I wouldn't say young, I would say young, old, new. I hope you guys can take something from this because I wish again, like we understood that when we were young. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:10

All right, so let's break this down, man. Y'all want to see y'all like man, what's system one? What's system two? Right. They like what's going on. Come on, come on. So here's the breakdown. Okay. All right. So your brain runs uh two systems every single day. Okay. System one um is your automatic brain.

SPEAKER_03 6:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 6:31

It fires first, it fires fast, um, and it does not ask your your permission. Okay. Um, when uh when you say something uh in a certain tone, and I mean it, it it you immediately find yourself shutting down at some time. Right. I shut down sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 6:49

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:50

Because it's a first instinct, it's a first instinct. It's a special relationship when you get into arguments and things of that nature. Uh right, but uh, but system one uh did not decide to shut down. It just happens, right? Yeah, yeah. That's what happened. It just happened.

SPEAKER_02 7:04

Yeah, for sure. It's it's because it's it's an autopilot.

SPEAKER_01 7:07

Autopilot.

SPEAKER_02 7:08

That is your system one. Your system one is your autopilot, it's something you just you're just cruising through, right?

SPEAKER_01 7:13

It's almost like somebody threw a ball at you and we flinch, right?

SPEAKER_02 7:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:17

It's like it's it's automatic. That's your automatic.

SPEAKER_02 7:19

You're not gonna sit there and be let the ball hit you, for sure. So yeah, so system one is your conditioning, right? Everything is downloaded into it from your childhood, guys. How your parents communicated, old hurts, past relationships. And here is what got me. System one does not care about the truth, right? It will make up lies, it will tell you lies, it will make, it will paint pictures that are not even realistic, right? And so it only cares about keeping you safe. It was designed to keep us safe, even if keeping you safe means shutting down or blowing up. And also, what I was thinking about when it said about keeping safe is how we stay in toxic relationships. Yeah. How we stay, how we stay in neutral, right? We don't go backwards, we don't go forward. We just like, okay, it feels good here, it feels safe. You know, it'll be okay. It's not that bad. You stay at toxic jobs because you're like, man, if I leave, I gotta start all over. I gotta do this, I gotta start the process over. I don't want to go to school, I don't want to further my education. It could go so many different ways of how system one plays that safe mechanism on you and keeps you right there stuck. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:39

And also your brain's number one job is not to make uh your marriage work, right? Um, it's a survival. And your brain uh would rather keep you in a familiar, familiar argument than risk something new, right? Even if you if that familiar argument is destroyed. Yeah, that's the crazy part right there.

SPEAKER_02 8:58

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so system two is slower though, guys. So we're gonna switch gears, talk about system two a little bit, right?

SPEAKER_01 9:04

Blow it down.

SPEAKER_02 9:06

Okay, it comes in a few seconds after system one fires. This is the part of you that can pause and ask, is this true or not? Again, painting that picture, you can be like, is this true or not, right? Is this my husband in front of me, or is this my old wound uh talking? Yeah, like so, pretty much like it's like, hey, is this really, is this really you or am I bringing up old history that I've that I've um experienced, old trauma?

SPEAKER_01 9:38

And those conversations, it does happen, right? You get in arguments, sometimes we hold things in. Yeah, it builds up. Um sometimes you you're working past uh you know something that happened in your marriage, right? Uh something that could have that created a uh a bad bubble.

SPEAKER_03 9:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:57

Um, and it it just it's just there. And yeah, it's it's just easily comes up because of emotions, right?

SPEAKER_02 10:04

Right.

SPEAKER_01 10:04

Um, but you cannot control the first thought, right? Yeah. The first stage, that's that you can't control that one.

SPEAKER_02 10:11

That that's just the one thought, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:14

But you can always control the second one, right? And that's the key.

unknown 10:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:19

Being able to control that second one. If you take time and you realize that you have that control, yeah, it can lead uh to the proper steps to allowing you and your partner to discover a new way of communicating.

SPEAKER_02 10:34

Correct, correct, yeah. Yeah, and with that being said, guys, they say system two is is there to slow you down. That does not mean system two won't necessarily agree with system one, right? So you gotta learn how to allow system two, like it won't stop system one because let me let me rephrase that. So let me go back a little bit. My brain is moving faster. So system two in some instance will agree with system one, right? It's not there to stop system one, but you can learn to allow system two to kick in more to be able to control system one. So system one is controllable, correct? And that's like that, you know, think before you speak, think before you react. That's where system two comes in, and that's the controlling uh mechanism.

SPEAKER_01 11:28

I I could pretty much put it in a way of like it hits you, and you already start to go in a place like, dang, I I I can't get this right.

SPEAKER_02 11:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:37

Uh man, what's going on? Like, I'm just nothing. I'm useless.

SPEAKER_02 11:41

Right.

SPEAKER_01 11:41

But then you turn around and say, you know what? I it's not about whether I can get it right, is I I'm making an attempt. And I'm trying, and I know I could do this. Like, let's take time, let's let's reverse. Yeah. Let's go back into it. And that's part of helping you control that system two and allow it to be able to defeat system one. One, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 12:09

So, yeah, jumping into you know, the layering of this, right? So the patterns, um, the patterns, right? What did communication look like when you were growing up in your household? You know, let's start there because there's always a route. Would you agree that there's always a route to certain issues?

SPEAKER_01 12:28

Right.

SPEAKER_02 12:28

Right? So we're gonna start with like patterns. How much of that showed up in our marriage?

SPEAKER_01 12:34

Um, well, in my household, uh, I believe that uh I I went through a period of time when my parents got divorced. Okay. Um, prior to them getting divorced, I s I saw good things, right? Uh I I saw uh my parents doing everything that they can do.

SPEAKER_02 12:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:54

Um, not realizing what I have. I was just, you know, just a kid. Um, but that divorce stage, I I seen emotions that I never seen before.

SPEAKER_02 13:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 13:05

Um, and it kind of carried me over to have that fear of like not wanting to have a divorce myself. I don't want to go through that situation. Now, luckily enough, um, you know, five years or so later, they remarried, you know what I mean? They got back together. Um, but then that also showed me that love can last.

SPEAKER_02 13:26

Right.

SPEAKER_01 13:26

It could last through stormy to the worst.

SPEAKER_02 13:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 13:30

And you can't survive. You can't get back to a place where you can not only get back together, but thrive together moving forward.

SPEAKER_02 13:40

I like that.

SPEAKER_01 13:40

So yeah, I I think that that kind of helped me out.

SPEAKER_02 13:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:44

It gave me questions, but then it destroyed me, but it let me know that I don't want to be in that place like that.

SPEAKER_02 13:52

Right. Um, my household was a lot different than yours, of course. Um, my earlier years, my dad was there, and then, you know, like around, I want to say eight, eight or so, my dad left, and my mom was a single mom of five kids. So there was a lot of stress, right? There was a lot of, you know, frustration and stress. My mom's a great mom, but there was a lot of, you know, yelling and and things like that. Um, so that's kind of what I grew up in, a lot of yelling.

SPEAKER_03 14:24

Yeah, a lot of yelling.

SPEAKER_02 14:26

And honestly, you that came off in our relationship a lot because I was more of the the yeller, not necessarily just to the hairy, but just as our kids got older and like just raising kids, and because that's how I was raised, sit your ass down. Like, that's sometimes how I would talk to my kids because that was my old system. That was that system one. That's that's the root, right? And I I see what you're saying. Like you say, there wasn't a lot of that emo, but those things going on in your house. And Harry's the calm one. Like, yeah, he's he's the calm to my chaos a lot of the times. And yeah, the way he talks, it shows like where his background came from.

SPEAKER_01 15:09

Correct. I didn't get it.

SPEAKER_02 15:10

Which is crazy. When we were thinking about this, we're like, damn, that is so true. Like, Harry didn't yell, he didn't cuss. I was the cusser.

SPEAKER_01 15:18

Yeah, right. I was a good one. Right. Or try to be. But overall, though those are some of the concepts as far as traumas, things that happen, um, that kind of reflects it builds up that system one and system two as you get older into your own relationship.

SPEAKER_02 15:37

Yeah. You start to break those layers down, which is why we are going in layers for you guys. So, question before we move on to layer two. Who shuts down and who escalates in this marriage? And has that always been the same person?

SPEAKER_01 15:55

Man, for the most part, yes, it's you shut down, right?

SPEAKER_02 15:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:00

Um, and I usually escalate it, right? And and it's always gonna be a back and forth battle between uh between partners, between couples, right? But um it's just part of just what happens. Like you that system one, you just can't, it just it's not you can't change it. It's just a natural way of how we defend ourselves.

SPEAKER_02 16:26

Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 16:26

Right? Um and of course, when you're the person that's shut it down, nobody wants to be the one looking at that person shut down. So it's it always gonna might create a little bit of a a ruffle in the feathers, you know? Yeah. Like, why are you shutting down on me? And it's hard to really like ask that question when you know that you're part of the problem.

SPEAKER_02 16:46

Especially when you're at a younger age within with your first newborn, we don't know each other. Again, guys, just taking it back just a little bit. Again, our timeline is crazy. Everything happened in less than 12 months. We meet, we get pregnant, we move in together, we get married, we have a kid. So you gotta navigate all of this. That's why I say, guys, it it took a lot of growing for us.

SPEAKER_03 17:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:13

Um, so yeah, I most definitely was a person that shut down. And I think again, sister one, and just that being my foundation is previous relationships, that's just what I did. I'm like, okay, you want to be silly, you want to do this, or you want like, all right, I'm not talking about it.

SPEAKER_01 17:36

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 17:37

And it was or you resulted in yelling because again, that's kind of what I did see in my home a lot. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:44

Right. And uh obviously when I think when we came across that a lot, like I knew that, hey, I to to talk, like I knew that I had to not I mean, I chose some time to run, right? That was just my stage or my system one mechanism, right? But it it didn't last all the time, right? No, yeah. We got better, we communicated more, and we was able to actually start to to learn how to communicate in argument because it's gonna happen, I guess. It's unable to never go a whole year without arguing, okay? That's just facts.

SPEAKER_02 18:21

Yeah. I would never forget when we got in an argument and you left the house. Bro ended up somewhere so far.

SPEAKER_01 18:31

I walked.

SPEAKER_02 18:32

You walked, right?

SPEAKER_01 18:33

Oh, not this story.

SPEAKER_02 18:35

Ah, I was like, what the f when it was a big argument. I think I was pregnant with Jackson. Was I pregnant? No, no, you weren't pregnant. I wasn't pregnant, yeah. Okay. I was just like, I I don't remember what the argument for, probably over some stupid stuff. We, you know, when you look back, you're like, really? We argued over that. But I just remember like calling him back to back. I'm like, where are you? And back, I don't think we had find me, right? There was no find me.

SPEAKER_01 18:58

No, no, no, find me. I I I think I didn't have an Apple phone.

SPEAKER_02 19:02

Oh, yeah, and you had an Android.

SPEAKER_01 19:03

I had an Android phone, so there was no find me, didn't know where I was at. I was, boy, did I walk. I walked very far with some sandals, bro. Nike sandals, my feet was hurting. I I walked up a hill. Hill. Okay, like a road, a side road, like there's no barely any room to walk. It was dangerous, honestly.

SPEAKER_02 19:23

When I went to pick him up, because I'm like, where are you?

SPEAKER_01 19:26

Ah checked into a hotel. Yeah, he sure did. I was mad. I was like, I ain't coming back.

unknown 19:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:34

Hmm.

SPEAKER_02 19:35

And then I called him. So now I'm back and I'm like, not only did you check into this hotel and waste our damn money, but I'm already like, you already knew you weren't gonna stay there. I don't know why you would think you were gonna stay there.

SPEAKER_01 19:47

I was ready too. I was because I was mad. You do some crazy things when you're mad. I was upset, and I was like, nah, I'm finna I've been checking this whole time.

SPEAKER_02 19:56

So now it was his shutdown. Harry would do things like just walk away, just leave. Like, which is not bad. I'm not gonna say that that's not bad, but it can become unhealthy because it's like sometimes things like because we wouldn't get into heated arguments to where we're fighting. Me and my husband never fight. Like, one thing we never do is physically fight each other. You know, there might get there, our tones might get a little escalated and things like that, but Harry always will just walk away. And that irritated the crap out of me. Because I'm like, at what point are you gonna be a man and just stay here and talk? And so that's just an example of some of the things you did where your system one kicked in and you're like, bye. And some of my things I did, I would just completely shut down. If I was pissed, I will, I will, I will turn my back to him, I will do the silent treatment. And this would this could go on for what several days?

SPEAKER_01 20:49

And that's why system two to slow down.

SPEAKER_02 20:53

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 20:54

If you're slowing down and you're at you're in that thought, yeah, negative thought, and it it really, really builds up.

SPEAKER_02 21:02

For sure.

SPEAKER_01 21:02

Um, and you it gets you thinking so many different like negative thoughts and thoughts about why am I with him?

SPEAKER_02 21:08

Why did we do this? Are we gonna make it? Correct. You know, why it just it yeah, it spirals you for sure.

SPEAKER_01 21:14

For real. So now with let's get up into layer two. All right. So uh I am putting one uh one of your uh your communication patterns on record today, all right? Alright, alright. So, Sade, here's one of your patterns that I have never fully said out loud. Okay. Uh-oh. You always will I will literally come to you and be like, no, babe, are you okay? Like, what's wrong? I'm good, I'm fine. And you know, fellas, you know. Your lady ain't right. And you'll say it again, babe, what's wrong? I'm good, alright. Okay, I'm uh I'm gonna you'll say it a couple more times and She's fine. And then you guys are laying in bed. You for for for me, I was like, I I said what I had to say. I try to get out of her. I'm about to go to bed. And I swear to you, I just feel it coming. Just it's just in my soul. And it's like I'm laying there. And it's like, any minute now, she's about to turn around and she's about to say something. I'll be sitting there and then she'll look like, babe, like, I I don't understand why you think that like we've been married, like, you should know that I have a problem. And like now, we're up for like an hour.

SPEAKER_02 22:38

Just And these conversations be happening free, like, like, like literally in the middle of the night, too. Like, you know, women, we do, we be having some like issues, and like, yeah, I've done that several times. And I'd be like, man, you could have. Don't let us have to go to work the next day.

SPEAKER_01 22:52

That part. And in my heart, I'm like, man, you could have told me.

SPEAKER_02 22:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:56

Like we could have talked this out already. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? We could have been, you know, making up. You know what I'm saying? And going to bed already. But I knew at that moment that uh I had to let her talk, let her listen.

SPEAKER_02 23:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:11

Most of the time her reasons were valid, and I treated that very respectfully and just let her know and understanding her as much as possible. Because sometimes my system too.

SPEAKER_02 23:23

Maybe that's my system too, trying to slowly think, how do I tell him what's wrong with me? Because if I just, y'all, y'all, if I just start saying something, it might say when you say words, there's power in the tongue. If something comes out too quick, not like now, not thought up, thought out, you can't take those words back. So a lot of the times for me, what I had in our early years, that was my mechanism. That was like, okay. That was me. Like I have to, I really had to take time because we had too many times where, again, I came from previous relationships where I just, you know, because that's a whole other story for another day. But it was a bad relationship. It was a toxic. I was very young in this relationship, abusive relationship. So, you know, just to put it out there, I came from this abusive relationship into this great relationship with this trusting, wonderful guy, you know, but I did it, everything moved quickly. And it was just like, so I did again, like they said, what was the previous? And I did bring that a lot to you. You know what I'm saying? So I had to learn to really kind of control myself. And that I think that was my mechanism of controlling to be like, okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. Think about it, think about it, think about it. Okay, how can I word this? How can I phrase this? And then rather than just trusting that my husband was gonna understand, especially if I talk to him in the proper way, you were just gonna understand regardless of the fact of what I said.

SPEAKER_01 24:54

Correct. Yeah, I try to put myself in her shoe as much as possible. It's it's a way, fellas, that you can look in your lady's eyes and put yourself in their shoes sometimes. Um, it it you'll find and and you'll see like, okay, I can see why you're really upset. Yeah, you know, and you can see where you can get better at and try to avoid ever doing that again, right? For sure.

SPEAKER_02 25:19

So, what is an argument that we have um that we have kept having for years that never fully resolves? What is it really about underneath the surface topic? Oh man, I would I would say at this point, honestly, a lot of our younger day arguments have fully resolved. I would say though, from year one to year, I want to say it had to be 12 or below. I wouldn't I want to say 12 or below. One of our biggest arguments for that we would just have would be over like um family, right? Yeah, like not feeling like I was protected by you or not feeling like like because you gotta understand again, we got married young. He's the only boy of his family and the baby, and the baby, I got pregnant by this guy, you know, valid reasons his mom would feel any kind of way that a girl would get pregnant. I mean, I guess she didn't think her son can can pull that off, but I defer, you know, you know, we both was responsible, but it was on me. Like I'm some evil villain, but nah. That's just a joke.

SPEAKER_01 26:39

But anyway, I know it is.

SPEAKER_02 26:41

But yeah, no. But I think one of the biggest arguments from year one to about, I want to say year 12, or it was year 12 or below, guys. It stopped around year 10, 12, around there. I can't remember exactly. But I remember one particular argument. Um, something happened with Harry's good friend at the time between me and his friend. And I came to Harry, and I remember again, I had shut down. I didn't say nothing all day because I'm trying to figure out do I just keep going, do I just keep it at peace, or do I say something? And I remember we just had this argument. And I remember we argued, it started off about the friend, his friend, and what his friend had said to me, but then it ended with, you never cared about me. I can't, I don't feel safe with you. I literally I'm looking at my husband, I'm like, I don't feel safe with you. We've been married this whole time, and I've never felt safe with you. And there, like, again, like the question says, well, what was beneath the surface? Was that argument really about his friend or was it about something else? And it was, it was really deep. I had deep feelings all those years because our whole several years of being married, like I don't feel like I was accepted by his family because I did take something from them, you know, I did take their their their their brother, their their son, their nephew. And I never felt accepted to the fullest extent. And I felt like my husband, he never chose, which is what I respect my husband about. He really never chose.

SPEAKER_03 28:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:16

But he also never, it's it's like he never made a choice, but he never, oh my God, it's so hard to explain.

SPEAKER_01 28:23

I never made a choice, but then I also never acknowledge where I can actually uh see where she's coming from, yeah, understand where she's coming from, and respect it to the point where I can uh speak up for her, be a voice for her. Yes, yes. She couldn't do it. And it wasn't even her job her responsibility to do it.

SPEAKER_02 28:50

My battle, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:50

You know, it wasn't her battle, it was my battle to see my wife and be like, okay, we need to find a way to correct it. And it starts with me. Yeah. I just I never took the initiative steps to start. And even when I did do it for the first time, um, it was uh it was a relief. You know what I mean? And uh it wasn't me knowing that I I did it and I can do it, and um, it hoped opened up my eyes to understanding her more and saying, like, yeah, this is real. Like, I can't lose my wife over how she feels about how she's being treated or talked to, or you know, I can't ignore that, and I'm glad I didn't for sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:35

I think that again, I think that was just a younger boy coming out, trying to progress in a man, trying to navigate through coming from living with your parents and being their baby to being your own, having your own family, right? Family, plates, bills, all of that, and that's hard to navigate. And I and I think that's why for so long I held on to that. Yeah, because I understood that this is not easy, but I think my breaking point was in that moment when that happened with your friend, and then all of it just came out. Everything. How did you feel in that moment when I just expressed all of that to you? Like all those that years of hurt, and then telling you like I didn't feel protected by you all these years.

SPEAKER_01 30:15

Felt terrible. Felt bad. I felt that you were right. I felt that um that was a flaw of mine. Yeah, you know, and I didn't understand how I could just re just reverse it and and let it be something that you never have to worry about again because we came across it later on again in our marriage.

SPEAKER_02 30:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:40

Having that conversation again. Like I think that's that's what kind of uh hurt even worse, right? Is hearing the same thing again. It's like Yeah, it was tough. Like I I didn't understand why. And it put me in question of who I am as far as being there for her as a husband. Like it wasn't just the basic thing, work, bring money in, put people work here, put that.

SPEAKER_02 31:04

Well, marriage is a marriage is a full-time job.

SPEAKER_01 31:07

It is a full-time job, but it's not about just as long as I just put a roof over my family here to make money, that should be all good. Should be enough. Like there's more to it, but I mean, you don't know that until you get into that situation. You're like, dang, okay, I gotta learn from this.

SPEAKER_02 31:24

Yeah, yeah. And what would you say is there is to that question for yourself? Was there an argument that wasn't fully resolved?

SPEAKER_01 31:32

Um, I think that back then, yeah, the the the family ones.

SPEAKER_02 31:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:39

I think that was our biggest thing. Fully resolved. It lingered for a while. I mean, even up to this point of my marriage right now, yeah. Like it's there. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:49

But not with within us though.

SPEAKER_01 31:51

No, no, not within us. But it's it's just one of those things that I don't uh it's hard to resolve things that can be um easily triggered because it's it's somebody that's outside of the box.

SPEAKER_02 32:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:03

And there's people out there that that don't understand when they say a certain thing or how they do a certain thing.

SPEAKER_02 32:10

Certain things, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:11

And how it affects us as a couple of family. So uh it's always gonna be a conversation when it happens, but it's it's a way that you're gonna be able to do that. I think we did good though.

SPEAKER_02 32:23

Yeah, I think I think I think that was the turning point in our relationship. Yeah, like you said, you understood it. Um, I I could say honestly, in that moment, I saw a shift in you. Um, and like I said, guys, it 20 years you go through some stuff, and like I said, that had to be year 12, between 10 and 12 that that happened. I don't know exactly what year it was, but it takes time and have grace in your marriage, have grace in your relationships, guys.

SPEAKER_01 32:52

Yep, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 32:54

All right, babe. Um, let's dive into um layer three now, guys. So this is the turning point. Where was there a communication breakdown in 20 years so bad? I'm sorry, let me reread it. Was there a communication breakdown in 20 years so bad it scared you and what happened?

SPEAKER_01 33:14

Uh yeah. Um it scared me when uh we was in those you know back and forth battles in life, finances, yeah, trying to make it living check to check. I mean, it was hard. And just I had I remember those moments I should I had to beg her, like, please don't divorce me, please. Like it was difficult, you know what I mean? Because I knew I could be better, but it was one of those parts of my life where you know I'm trying to do what I need to do, and it's hard.

SPEAKER_02 33:51

You were very I wouldn't say my husband was distant. My husband was very silent. I guess that is distant, but no, you weren't distant, like we were close. I I don't want to describe it as like distance because that's something totally different. You were just he was silent. My husband suffered a lot in his own silence.

SPEAKER_03 34:11

Correct.

SPEAKER_02 34:11

I remember my husband going through things and I would never know because he was just there for me and the kids, and I never knew that until some years later.

SPEAKER_01 34:19

Yeah. And since you said that as well, too.

SPEAKER_02 34:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:23

What was the single thing that changed how we communicate and when did that shift actually happen?

SPEAKER_02 34:29

Again, when we just really understood, like took that time to do, I would I would never forget when we started going to the couples' meetings at the church, right? That kind of helped a lot, or not kind of, it did help. It helped us to really broaden our horizons with communicating, reading together. That's when our reading together and journaling really started. I mean, me and Harry always went to church together, but we never thought to say, let's join these marriage ministries and things like that. And once we did so, it kind of gave us the tools and a foundation to understand truly, truly how to have a marriage, um, a godly marriage, you know, that foundation. Um, because I mean, yeah, we could go to church, we could pray together, but it what is it like you go to church, you come home, and it's the same thing, right? You're like you don't apply nothing to your life, then what's the point? And I think once we started to apply what we were learning and not only applying it, but also um engaging in those marriage ministries, that is that was really turning point for us. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:37

I like that. Yeah. Um now wait, let's let's hop into system two. We talked a little bit about system one, so let's hop into system two. Let's switch it up. Switch it up, let's go with it. One.

SPEAKER_02 35:48

All right, guys. Again, for system two, we do not just want to talk about the problem. Here is what actually changed things for me and Harry.

SPEAKER_01 35:56

All right, so tool one, all right. Again, we're gonna break down uh tools, uh four tools actually, um, that can help with your system two and slowing down and reversing the way that you think and go through the thought process.

SPEAKER_02 36:11

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 36:12

And this hopefully tools will help create again a healthy relationship, right? Not a perfect one, not an aesthetic. Okay, all right. So, tool one, we're gonna break it down. Tool one is catch the thought, all right? Yes, and the moment you feel a reaction coming, name it out loud to yourself, yes, not to your partner, to yourself, okay? And like what you can do is something like this, right? I am noticing I am about to shut down. The second you can see the pattern, you are no longer trapped inside it.

SPEAKER_02 36:48

All right, and that's important. That is so important, guys. And it's not even for just relationship-wise, it is your personal self. You know what I'm saying? When you're getting anxious thoughts, if you're telling yourself I'm anxious, stop that thought. Because the moment you can start to catch your thoughts or stop those thoughts, like you said, you're no longer bounded by those, those chains are no longer on you because you understand I have that thought. Now, what am I gonna do about that thought?

SPEAKER_01 37:17

Yeah, overall, yes, it is not an overnight thing, but if you practice using those tools, yeah, it helps and grows over time, right? Yes. And allows you again, when you're in that system too, when you are slowing down, you're taking that moment right there at that point to speak it out loud to yourself so that you can now fix the issue and lean on each other more at that point rather than leaning on your own thoughts.

SPEAKER_02 37:49

Yeah, yeah. And then so tool two, we're gonna ask, is this actually true right now? System one fires a story instantly. They don't respect me, they don't care, but is the moment true in that particular moment you guys are going through? Or is it the fear pretending to be the truth? Are you reverting back to old systems, um, old system, old patterns, right? Are are you going back into that old foundation that you grew up in? Or is it really true about what's going on right now? Do your husband or your partner really not care about you, or are you guys just having a moment of disagreement? Right.

SPEAKER_01 38:28

And you know what? The big problem with that as well, too, is that it's not about that moment that you're having that particular argument or going through that particular situation. Like that stage, that system one, I keep saying stage, I don't know why. Don't mind me, guys. That system one has been built into you since birth with tying into that system two for so long. Yeah, I mean, you can't.

SPEAKER_02 38:51

You have to literally like reroute yourself, guys. Correct.

SPEAKER_01 38:55

Literally, like it could be as you riding a bike for the first time. I'm never gonna be able to ride a bike. You know what I mean? Yeah, but then you tell yourself, hey, my friend's riding a bike, I gotta be able to do this too. Like you, you was already in the pattern of learning how to do your system too. It's just that uh we have more slowdown in our system too, where we are more negative in certain situations, yeah, especially as we get older in life, the way you look, the way you talk, yeah, uh, the way that people treat you, like it carries over. So when you are in that sense of trying to um navigate and change that thought process, it takes time. Yeah. Right? And you gotta understand that. And the the moment you understand that it takes time, you will then realize that hey, this takes time. Let me keep on doing this.

SPEAKER_02 39:47

Right.

SPEAKER_01 39:47

Right? Let me keep on slowing down because that helps you realize when you know that you hit, you're like, ah, dang, why do they don't like me? Why is this going on? Like, why is this happening? And then say, you know what? It takes time to learn to stop and go back and slow down with this and think outside of it now, right? And think start thinking positive now. And that's a starting point itself. Right? Just acknowledge that. And and and then the next time it happens, you're like, okay, this is not gonna happen this way. I'm gonna do better, I'm gonna get better, you know, and relationship-wise, it helps. Uh, career-wise, it helps. You know, outside of just trying to acknowledge yourself as a human being, it helps.

SPEAKER_02 40:33

Right.

SPEAKER_01 40:34

All right, now tool three. Yes. Choose your second thought. Okay. You cannot stop the first thought, but you can choose what you do with it. Okay. System one says they don't care about me. System two can come in and say, we are both struggling. What do we actually need right now? Yeah. Right? Right. Again, changing that thought, changing the way that you approach and catching it. Catching those thoughts. It is a life changer, right? It is a relationship game changer, right? And you the more you practice that, I promise you, you as a couple is gonna grow even further than what wherever you thought you were gonna be able to be at.

SPEAKER_02 41:19

For sure, for us, that was a game changer. Especially the part when they say when we stopped, system two kicks in, and what do we actually need right now? And we've told ourselves, okay, what are we doing here? Yeah, what are we even arguing about at this point? Because some arguments, like you said, can be very redundant or just really stupid.

SPEAKER_03 41:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:39

When you think about it, you're like, that was that was stupid as shit. Yeah, right. And you have to, you have to recalculate everything, and what do we actually need right now? Okay, well, we need understanding.

SPEAKER_03 41:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:49

Right? We need understanding. We need to let's just let's let's take a step back. What is wrong? What are you feeling right now? Right. I've had you do that to me plenty of times, babe. What's wrong? Yeah, you know, and so what do you need right now? Well, I just I just feel like you're not listening to me. I feel like you're not understanding me. Okay, what am I not understanding? And I break it down for him. He's like, I understood that the first time. And I think sometimes it depends on how we're communicating things too. But like you said, catch that thought.

SPEAKER_01 42:22

Yeah, yeah. Catch that thought. All right, babe. Let's go ahead and hit him with that tool four.

SPEAKER_02 42:28

This is important, guys. Tool four is about creating a quiet space for you and your partner. Right? You cannot work through your patterns if your house is always loud, phones are always going off. The still quiet moments is where our system two lives. System two loves still demire, quiet moments, right? So we must build them intentionally as a couple. You must build those quiet moments. And so let's just go a little bit deep into that. Like I said, me and my husband, we took those moments to literally have quiet moments, guys. We'll grab a glass of wine and we'll literally sit at a table and journal, right? Um, another quiet moment me and Harry really like to do again. I tell you, we take walks. We take walks. And sometimes if we start talking too much on those walls, we're just like, no, let's just walk. Let's just literally walk and let's just listen to the birds chirp. You need those quiet moments. Stop going to bed with your phones. Like me and Harry have some moments, don't get, don't get me wrong. Sometimes we do get caught up in it where we're scrolling or trying to look at accounts or things like that. But we have intentional moments where we're like, uh uh, we cannot go to bed with phones. Put your phone in a charger, put my phone in the charger. We have our Apple Watch is set for bedtime. If that Apple Watch goes off, that means we go off. Period. We are spending time with each other, we are being we are being intentional with each other. Um, but yeah, just stop, you know.

SPEAKER_01 44:00

What about and looking at quiet moments in the sense of like individually, right? That's you, yes. When you get into argument, when you get into situations, yeah, you you could take that moment to actually separate because you that happens, right? Yes, yes. You could acknowledge it and go through that process and be in that quiet place.

SPEAKER_02 44:24

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 44:25

But then you disrupt it when you go call your friend. Yep. You call your mama, mama, your daddy, his brother, sister, cousin, uncle. All this information from everybody. Can you believe what this such and such? Yes, please don't do that. That's you you're you're you're making it even more louder than what it needs to be. Yeah. Right? That is so so that is another way to distract you. And yeah, that's when we say quietest, yes, together.

SPEAKER_02 44:51

But also individually.

SPEAKER_01 44:53

Also individually. Very good point.

SPEAKER_02 44:55

Very good point. That is very true. Yeah. Um, a lot of the times, my rule of thumb is, and I teach my kids this too, especially my 20-year-old. Do not pick your phone up right away when you wake up in the morning. Talk to God. Listen to a devotional, something positive, because if anything negative just has a little bit of space to get into your life, and it just started, your whole day can be ruined. It could just be ruined just by that. So always start your day off, like he said, quiet, intentional. Have that self-time, have that quiet time, guys. Let's learn and turn off this all of this.

SPEAKER_01 45:34

Correct. Yeah. And of course, the key line here, right?

SPEAKER_02 45:38

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 45:38

Is you are not your first reaction. You are what you choose to do after it.

SPEAKER_02 45:44

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 45:44

So question.

SPEAKER_02 45:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 45:46

What is one communication habit we built intentionally that did not come naturally?

SPEAKER_02 45:51

Not shutting down. Right. That is one that me and you like now, if my husband says is there's something wrong, I'm like, actually, there is something wrong.

SPEAKER_03 46:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 46:00

And this is how I feel.

SPEAKER_03 46:02

Correct.

SPEAKER_02 46:02

You know, and even if I catch myself trying to go back to old habits, because I had to, we had to rewire a lot of things, you guys. And when I say rewire, you want to think about, you know, like he said, from from birth, your taller years, your adolescent years, you want to think about all those things that were wired in you growing up. We had to go back and we have to do a lot of rewiring, how we love each other, how we communicate, how we touch, how we talk. You understand? And so, yeah, I would say the biggest one is the shutting down, and the the clear communication has really come through for us.

SPEAKER_01 46:42

Now, of course, I would love to say that that process works every time.

SPEAKER_02 46:46

Right.

SPEAKER_01 46:47

Um, I there are points, there are some times where we do shut down for a little bit. We do.

SPEAKER_02 46:53

It never goes, no, it never it never goes days, though. I mean, we used to shut down for days, guys.

SPEAKER_01 46:57

Like shut down for like three, four, four days sometime, but it was bad. We have the moment, but we capture it quickly enough.

SPEAKER_02 47:05

Within within hours. Yeah. We never one, okay. So one thing that we have adopted, and this is like pretty basic too. I'm sure you've heard of it. Do not go to bed. Don't let the devil get in bed with you. Do not go to sleep and not communicate with your partner because you may not wake up, he may not wake up, and you don't want to have no regrets the next day and say, I didn't even get to tell my man I love him. I didn't get to tell my wife I love her. Yeah. Right? That is one thing me and my husband have. Like, even if we are mad, one thing we don't do is go to bed, mad. We'll be like, I love you. You know, I'm tired. Maybe we'll talk about it in the morning, but I I love you. You know, that's the that at the bare minimum. We do not go to bed because we used to go to bed, like I said, for three to four days without really communicating through the day and just tolerating each other some days and just like because we're so upset, you know.

SPEAKER_01 47:58

And that's really good because for the second question, okay. What would you tell a couple who says, we just cannot communicate? Where do they start?

SPEAKER_02 48:09

Start doing little things. Like I said, we took time to really start journaling together, right? Because when you're journaling, you're writing your feelings, you're writing your thoughts. And I think that was the biggest thing was sometimes we would write things out and read them to each other. Talk about it. Yeah. Um, not read, but talk about what we wrote. Um, I would say start with little things like that because if you can learn to communicate in other ways, then eventually the actual communication comes where you can go up to your husband and say, Hey, I didn't like the way you said that, or hey, that made me uncomfortable, or hey, why did you do that? Or why did you look that way? You know, but if you can start doing little activities where communication is surrounded by those things, journaling, reading together, um, you know, taking morning walks together and just having little conversation, your communication eventually will kick in. But again, you got to find out where the root cause of that is even at. You know what I'm saying? Are you still traumatized by something? Is that just something how you grew up? Is that the way how you grew up? Like I said, I grew up in a household where communication wasn't big. We didn't communicate, you know? So there was a lot of yelling. There was a lot of being told what to do, not what you want to do. There was a lot of, you know, um things like that. So find the root cause, number one, get with each other and start doing little things with each other that involves communication.

SPEAKER_01 49:33

Yeah, I like that.

SPEAKER_02 49:34

Because I mean, well, the whole your whole life. I don't know. You can't avoid communication, guys.

SPEAKER_01 49:38

You can't avoid communication, all right? Yeah, so hopefully, again, those four tools can be utilized to help a healthy relationship, um, especially with communication.

SPEAKER_02 49:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:51

And being able to guide you um to a better uh place um when it comes to fixing those issues. A better, a better y'all. It always comes up. You can never avoid it. From the day you guys say death do its part, you're gonna have situations.

SPEAKER_02 50:08

I know we're for the married couples, but even for people who are dating, babe. Like please, when you start dating, if you're coming from a toxic place, a toxic relationship, a relationship where you were abused. Again, I came from a very abusive relationship at a very young age. And I really, really, really had a lot of rewiring to do within my mental, um, my my mental place. Um, and it took a lot. It took a lot to turn into the woman I am today because I I was in that relationship for a very long time at a very young age. And so my husband took a lot of that, um, took a lot of that hurt on because I'm like, can I trust you, you know, and things like that. But um, yeah, I would just say for couples who are starting out, please let that be the main goal is to learn, develop and learn communication skills.

SPEAKER_03 51:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 51:11

Because if you cannot communicate your relationship, will it be, it won't go nowhere. It really won't. And it's not for the weak. You have to stand strong on that, and you're gonna have to navigate what is your communication style, what is his communication style. And I think that was one of the biggest things we had to do too. We had to learn each other's communication styles.

SPEAKER_03 51:33

Yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_02 51:36

All right, y'all already know what time it is. What time it is. Hot seat. Hot seat. No pausing, no let me think, answer immediately. You got it? I got it. All right, you got it? I got it.

SPEAKER_01 51:49

So let's give them what they want to hear. All right. All right, so I'm gonna start off first. All right, so what is something I do during an argument that I think is helping, but is actually making it worse.

SPEAKER_02 52:06

Not giving me my space sometimes. Not letting my system too work. Right. Babe, babe, babe. Which could be a good thing and a bad thing because you know women will be like, like he said, why you didn't talk to me? What you just gonna sit there and make me be mad? So it depends.

SPEAKER_01 52:23

All right, check this out. Number two.

SPEAKER_02 52:25

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 52:26

Have you ever said I'm fine and actually meant it, or is it always a warning?

SPEAKER_02 52:33

Always a warning. You know that. We talked about that earlier in the segment, right? Always a warning. If I say I'm fine, she ain't fine. I'm not fine.

SPEAKER_01 52:42

I mean, she's fine. Like, why? But when she says she ain't fine, I gotta listen. Gotta listen. All right. Number three, what is the one topic where you know uh you go to system one every single time?

SPEAKER_02 52:57

Oh, when it used to be all about our our our families, hands down.

SPEAKER_01 53:01

System one.

SPEAKER_02 53:02

System one kicks in.

SPEAKER_01 53:04

Boom. Nah, got him. So all right.

SPEAKER_02 53:08

That doesn't happen no more, you guys. Correct. We're clearly over that. All right, babe, to you. When I'm upset, what is your automatic reaction? And is it ever the right one?

SPEAKER_01 53:19

What is my first automatic reaction? Um, my first automatic reaction is you need to don't say nothing. And just run, run as fast as you can. Really? And hopefully you come back later. It's hard. I usually just my first reaction is like, just don't say nothing right now. Let's let's see. It's never the right one. You know what I'm saying? I I think that's a hard question. Yeah, it's a hard question. You know what I'm saying? But it it's it's it's it's it's it's never the right one.

SPEAKER_02 53:54

All right. When I'm talking to you, are you actually listening? Yeah. Or are you already planning your response?

SPEAKER_01 54:05

I am already planning my response.

SPEAKER_02 54:08

Yeah, you never listen.

SPEAKER_01 54:09

Okay. I'll be listening, but I'll be trying to rate it. I'll be ready.

SPEAKER_02 54:12

He really does. And you can see it too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 54:16

Safe thing, tell you.

SPEAKER_02 54:17

Rate how well we communicate right now, one to ten. What would you make it? Or I'm sorry, what would make it a ten?

SPEAKER_01 54:24

Okay, I'll I'll rate it as an eight.

SPEAKER_02 54:27

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 54:28

You know, if you make it a ten, what can make it a ten uh would be uh more so taking that moment to actually get into it and talk about it, right? Mm-hmm to not let it linger so long.

SPEAKER_02 54:45

So you're saying like if I'm mad, come to you right away and say I'm mad.

SPEAKER_01 54:49

I'll make it a 10.

SPEAKER_02 54:50

I will honestly say I've been doing a lot more lately.

SPEAKER_01 54:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 54:55

First of all, I don't shut down like I used to at all.

SPEAKER_01 54:59

You have moments still?

SPEAKER_02 55:00

I do have moments, but those are like far. Like those are so stretched out now. Would you say that though, honestly? Would you say that they're more stretched out?

SPEAKER_01 55:08

I think they're more stretched out, but obviously some women's characters though, but a 10 would be saying that to be perfect, and you just can't be perfect. No, we're not perfect, so that's just what it is. So, all right, guys, thank you so much for tuning in. We are so glad you guys tuned in to our podcast. Look, share, comment. Um, we are here to talk. If you want to have questions, we are here to talk. Yeah. And help with those questions as well, too. Yeah. Um, but definitely coming up next week because we are dropping every Sunday. Yes. But next week, yo, check this out.

SPEAKER_02 55:44

Well, first before you get into next week, a little teasing stuff. I do want you guys to take this is a takeaway from today's episode, guys. So here's what I want you to take away. Next time things do escalate between you and your girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife, okay. Ask yourself, am I responding to this person right now or am I reacting to an old program? Because there is a huge difference between those two things, guys. So do that for us, okay? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 56:12

All right, back to you, babe. And next week, uh, we are going all the way. Yeah. In our money, joint accounts, hidden purchases, financial secrets, the conversation that ends more marriages than cheating. Yes. You do not want to miss it.

SPEAKER_02 56:27

Please don't. So subscribe. All the platforms, guys. We are there. You don't ever have to miss. You can subscribe. I think on YouTube, what they used to say, hit the bell.

SPEAKER_01 56:39

Hit the bell, get the notification, support the show. The link uh is in the notes as well. Too. So if you would like to support the show, go ahead and do that.

SPEAKER_02 56:48

And we do have our IG, guys. Um, please visit our page. And um, thank you so much for taking this time to join us. We appreciate your support.

SPEAKER_01 56:58

All right, man.

SPEAKER_00 56:58

You have to let the real soak in. Got that twenty year kind of truth right here. We need to talk about everything. So pull up a seat, let's get into it. We need to talk.