Episode 5: We Need To Talk About the Dollars Between Us | Money, Marriage & the Real Conversations Most Couples Avoid

Money ends more marriages than cheating.
Not because couples don't love each other —
but because they never had the real 
conversation about it.

In Episode 5, Harry and Shade go all the way
in on finances. The money mindsets they each
brought into this marriage. The mistakes. The
disagreements. The power dynamics. And the
financial lessons that only 20 years of real
life together can teach you.

This is not a finance podcast. This is a
marriage podcast — and money is one of the
most personal things inside of one.

📌 WHAT WE COVER IN THIS EPISODE:

00:00 - Cold Open
        Before money talks FOR you —
        you have to talk ABOUT it

💰 The Money Backgrounds
        The money mindset Harry and Shade
        each brought in from childhood.
        What their parents taught them —
        consciously and unconsciously.
        The beliefs that caused the most
        friction early in the marriage.

👫 The Real Talk — Harry & Shade's Story
        Who handles the finances and how
        that happened.
        Joint or separate — what they do
        and why.
        The hidden purchases.
        The biggest financial mistake they
        made as a couple.
        Has money ever created a power
        imbalance in 20 years?
        What their financial picture looks
        like now vs where they started.

🔟 Top 5 Money Questions Couples Ask
        Real answers from 20 years of real
        marriage. Not a finance book.

        • Joint or separate accounts?
        • Spender vs saver — how do you 
          navigate that?
        • How do you talk about money 
          without it becoming a fight?
        • What do you do when one partner 
          earns significantly more?
        • How do you get on the same page 
          with completely different money
          backgrounds?

💌 Fix It or Leave It — Listener Situation
        One real money situation from a real
        listener. Harry and Shade give their
        honest take — and they do not fully
        agree.

🔥 Hot Seat — Money Edition
        Have you ever hidden a purchase?
        Who is better with money?
        What is your biggest financial fear
        for this family right now?
        Fast. Unscripted. No skipping.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
💬 DROP A COMMENT — Has money ever been
a source of real tension in your 
relationship? What was the conversation 
that finally changed things?

We want to hear from you ⬇️
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

❤️ SUPPORT THE SHOW:
If We Need To Talk has added value to
your life or your relationship — support
us directly and keep the real talk coming
every single week.
👉 https://linktr.ee/WeneedtotalkHS

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
🎧 LISTEN ON ALL PLATFORMS:
🟢 Spotify
🎵 Apple Podcasts
📦 Amazon Music
📻 iHeartRadio
🎙️ Pocket Casts | Podchaser | Podcast Addict
   Player FM | Podcast Index
▶️ YouTube: @WeneedtotalkHS
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

📲 FOLLOW US:
TikTok & Instagram: @weneedtotalkhs

👍 Like · Subscribe · Share with one couple
who needs to have this conversation

New episode every Sunday at 11AM EST 🎙️

— Harry & Shade ❤️

#weneedtotalkhs #couplesoftiktok #marriedlife
#realtalk #podcast #blacklove #moneyandmarriage
#relationshipgoals #marriageadvice #blackpodcast
#finances #couplegoals #realrelationshiptalk
#relationshiptok #20yearsmarried

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to We Need to Talk with Harry and Shade. Time to let the real soak in. Yeah, we need to talk. We need to talk.

SPEAKER_02 0:24

All right, all right. Welcome in. Thank you for tuning in. What's good, everybody?

SPEAKER_03 0:30

What's up? What's up? What episode are we on, babe? This is five.

SPEAKER_01 0:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 0:35

Week five, Cinco.

SPEAKER_01 0:37

Cinco.

SPEAKER_03 0:40

All right. We are super excited, guys. We are talking about money.

SPEAKER_02 0:47

Money.

SPEAKER_03 0:47

We really want to talk about money right now. I don't, but we have to. We have it has to be talked about.

SPEAKER_02 0:54

Hey, the conversation needs to be done.

SPEAKER_03 0:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:57

Right. And hopefully this is a conversation that helps uh couples out there with money and understanding and teamwork.

SPEAKER_03 1:07

I wish we had people to talk to us about money.

SPEAKER_02 1:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:10

Like, yeah, we didn't have that.

SPEAKER_02 1:12

Growing up. Crazy, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:14

All right. So again, thank you so much, guys, for tuning in. We're finna hop on into this uh wonderful podcast, episode five. Yes. Communication when it comes to money. Money talk. All right. That's right. All right. So again, today we're talking about money. And we want to be completely honest, right? About our mistakes, our disagreements, and what money actually did to us at different points in 20 years.

SPEAKER_03 1:40

Yep. Guys, we talk about communication, we talk about intimacy, we talk about trust. But when we talk about money, things get kind of awkward. Get quiet, get silent, right? It's not a very comfortable conversation, especially when it's never been a thing that was rooted in your home growing up, right?

SPEAKER_02 2:01

Correct.

SPEAKER_03 2:02

So yeah, that's where we're going.

SPEAKER_02 2:04

Look, and we're gonna talk about how we handle money, right? Yeah, how we have mishandled it.

SPEAKER_03 2:09

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 2:10

All right, uh, what we learn, and what every couple needs to talk about before money starts talking for them.

SPEAKER_03 2:18

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_02 2:18

That's some true stuff right there.

SPEAKER_03 2:20

Let's dive in.

SPEAKER_02 2:21

Welcome to episode five, guys. Let's hop on into this, man.

SPEAKER_03 2:24

Let's get on into it.

SPEAKER_02 2:25

It's a beautiful, beautiful day today.

SPEAKER_03 2:27

It is.

SPEAKER_02 2:28

Um, obviously, we always like to start off with our quick update. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? What's going on in a Farkason's home?

SPEAKER_03 2:35

What's what's going on in stuff?

SPEAKER_02 2:37

When it comes to money, yeah. Exactly what we're talking about.

SPEAKER_03 2:40

Yes. We're talking about, let's start with the oldest. You know, as you guys all know, she's been employed, um, starting at a very young age. So I don't got no lazy child. She ain't lazy, she works. But um, Starbucks, her most recent position. We know she gets paid weekly. These kids get paid, she's getting paid like $21 an hour. That is unheard of because what we were getting paid like $5.25, $6.75.85. I think mine's was $6.75 at Baker's. This girl getting paid like $21. She gets paid every week. Again, her money is her money, our money's her money. And you know, we're we're going through this transition where we are teaching her to budget and put it away. One thing that I appreciated my daughter for was being accountable. And she's like, Mom, this ain't working. I dip into my savings when I'm not supposed to. So she allowed me and dad to step in, and now we're just um swiping it out, taking it out, putting it in the savings for her. Yeah. And she's like, This is what I gotta do. Because if it's in my savings, I still have access to it. So we're making a no access to her. And she's been saving, so kudos to her for that.

SPEAKER_02 3:47

It had to start somewhere, right?

SPEAKER_03 3:48

It has to start somewhere, yeah. But I told her, I'm like, we can't always do this though. Like, you're gonna have to learn self-control.

SPEAKER_02 3:53

Yeah, you have to learn self-control because she she made a cool little amount of money last year. And 17,000. Not a dime. To be exact, no bills, no bills, no car no, no car no, no cell phone bills, no cell phone, no rent, nothing, just all to her just all to herself at the age of 19?

SPEAKER_03 4:11

Yeah, 18, 19, 19, going to 20. Yeah, something like that. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:15

Just made money and just did what she wanted.

SPEAKER_03 4:18

I got money, the blow. That's that was her theme song.

SPEAKER_02 4:21

She had her moment, right?

SPEAKER_03 4:22

Jackson, on the other hand, he, you know, we're gonna go from the oldest to youngest. He has about $22.

SPEAKER_02 4:28

He took my money this morning. Okay, dude saw some change on my nightstand, on my TV stand. He was like, ooh, I found me some money.

SPEAKER_03 4:38

He called, he's the he's our collector. He's the collector. He goes around the house collecting change. Another man's trash is another man's treasure for Jackson. He collects change, and he honestly, guys, out of all his collecting, he's collected up to $22. We don't bother him. So if you got loose change, counting, count it as a loss.

SPEAKER_02 4:56

So I kind of left that there on purpose, right? I sometimes when I take my money out and I put it there, I'm like, it's been it's gonna be gone a couple days. So I'm just gonna leave it there. I'm not gonna try to put it anywhere else. Yeah, let my little man get it. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 5:09

Um, in betweeners, my Irish twins. Harry this week, little Harry, HJ, um, graduated, and our neighbor came over and gave him $20. And when she did, he was like, Oh, okay.

unknown 5:20

Cool.

SPEAKER_03 5:21

I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing that my son looks at money like, okay, it's money, cool, let's put it up. But it wasn't even like, oh, I want to save it. It was just like a eh, okay.

SPEAKER_04 5:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:31

Like, I don't know, we're not talking to our kids enough about money. I know we talk a lot about like credit and you know, having a stable, uh stability in their in their life when they as they grow older and things like that. But when he did that, I'm like, maybe we need to talk to him more about the value of money. Like it's and that's what I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. So we'll see. Yeah, Eden.

SPEAKER_02 5:54

She got nine dollars saved up somewhere.

SPEAKER_03 5:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:56

For a long time now.

SPEAKER_03 5:58

No, she can hold on to money. She she really is frugal. I would call Eden frugal. She she can hold on to money for a really long time. Yeah, she's had a lot of money, so yeah. All right, let's we could talk about these kids all day, but we're gonna get into what y'all came here for, and that is how me and this fella handled our money over the last 20 years, our our our our how we had to rewire that whole situation, our roots, right? What what what what our background was.

SPEAKER_02 6:23

The money background, right?

SPEAKER_03 6:25

Um that's what we're hopping into right now, right? Money background.

SPEAKER_02 6:28

So, of course, before we talk to talk about money in our marriage, want to talk about the money mindset we each uh brought was brought in in the world with our parents. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 6:38

Because that's where it starts. It starts with your roots, it starts with your foundation, your background. How were you taught?

SPEAKER_02 6:45

So we have a couple questions we want to go through and try to kind of dissect uh our brought up with money. Uh, I'm gonna start with the first one, man. Just rock it. So, babe. Yes, what did money look like growing up in your house? Was it tight, comfortable, never discussed?

SPEAKER_03 7:03

Um, it was tight. I lived comfortable. Um, I never ever, like my mom never, um, we never like I never seen my mom struggle up until uh until we moved out of California. That was the only time I seen my mom really fully struggle, was when she moved us out of California. Um but once we moved back, like we were good. My mom was always a single mom, single mom household, she, you know, only income. So, but she did like an amazing job. I never, we never, I never was uncomfortable. I had what I needed, had what I want, but money was never talked about. Yeah. So I didn't understand credit, I didn't understand saving, I didn't understand finances, I didn't understand bank accounts or anything. Like whatever she did was just what she did to take care of us. And that could be because it was never talked to her, you know, it was never rooted in her to do so.

SPEAKER_02 7:53

Correct.

SPEAKER_03 7:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:54

How our parents handled things. I mean, my household growing up, uh, compared to Saleh, single mom, I had mama and dad. Uh, I seen the the hustle as far as the the grind of working. My dad was a plumber. My mom used to clean houses as a side hustle to start off. Um, from when I from the youngest, the youngest guy I can I can remember, right? Um, but it was still kind of tight, you know. I I I I never knew what the value of money was because you're young, you don't really understand. I mean, I I knew some of the neighborhood kids had uh from what they called back then, and I didn't know what it was called, Jordans.

SPEAKER_04 8:31

Right?

SPEAKER_02 8:32

I knew some kids who had the Nintendo, right? Some of the things that I look and say, dang, I don't have one of those. But it really didn't really bother me. But uh money was never really discussed. Um, but I knew it was tight. It was definitely tight.

SPEAKER_03 8:46

See, I guess that would be the difference because that's why I said it wasn't tight, because like I had named brand bands and my mom, like it like I said, it wasn't, and even when we did move to Louisiana and we were struggling, kind of living in and out of like with our with my aunt and stuff, I still had everything.

SPEAKER_02 8:59

Still had everything.

SPEAKER_03 9:00

So I never really noticed. I guess as a kid, you really don't notice as long as you're you know well taken care of. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:05

You really don't notice. It's the little thing that you just appreciate because uh what you get is what you get.

SPEAKER_03 9:10

Correct, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:11

Was number two, but all right.

SPEAKER_03 9:13

What did your parents' relationship with money teach you, consciously or unconsciously?

SPEAKER_02 9:18

Um, it taught me to uh make sure that you are using your money to take care of your family. That's what I saw to be. I think that uh I I didn't see it be spent like on brand new cars or buying a brand new house or uh things of like my my dad having you know Gucci suits, you know what I mean, chains on. It was none of that, right? It was just really just uh put a roof over your head and just be the necessity, do what you gotta do. Right, right. I knew my aunt had a house, you know what I'm saying? Uh but uh other than that, like I really didn't understand what money really was.

SPEAKER_03 10:00

Right.

SPEAKER_02 10:00

You know, so it it just taught me just to be able to know, just take care of your family, man.

SPEAKER_03 10:04

Right. Um, I would say opposite, I I think again in my household it it looked kind of like um get it, you spend it. You get it, you spend it. Right? That's kind of like what I saw. Um and that's kind of how like that kind of flowed over into me a little bit. Like hot hands, hot hands, get it, you spend it. You get it, like, oh what can I get? You know, so spend it. Unconscious, that then that's an unconscious thing because like right, that's rooted into you. You're like, okay, I got money. Oh, what can I buy today? Yeah, you know, it was never a thought of like, like, even as a teenager when I had my first job, it was never like maybe I should save this. Yeah, it wasn't, you know, I would say like in college or so, it got to that part consciously. I told myself, I need a car.

SPEAKER_04 10:51

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_03 10:51

Okay, well, how do you get a car? You gotta save. So, you know, but a lot of unconsciously unconscious spending happened, like that that unconsciously was taught to me.

SPEAKER_02 11:01

Absolutely from my background. From your background, yeah. I mean, I I knew what layout was, right?

SPEAKER_03 11:06

Me too, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:07

You know what I mean? Kmart. Kmart, you know what I'm saying? Back in the day, Burlington Coke Factory. Yes, you know what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_03 11:14

Yep, exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 11:16

And I was a I was a number one payless shoe shopper.

SPEAKER_03 11:20

I love Payless. I miss Payless.

SPEAKER_02 11:21

Payless was bummed back in the day.

SPEAKER_03 11:23

Payless left, we knew the world was gonna go down from there.

SPEAKER_02 11:26

Y'all, you guys remember Sega shoes, okay? That I had paragas.

SPEAKER_03 11:31

That's horrible. I'm sorry. Sega could never you're humble. I love this man.

SPEAKER_02 11:36

All right, babe. Now, yeah, third question. Did you come into this marriage as a spender or a saver?

SPEAKER_03 11:43

I think I already answered that. I think I already answered that. I am a spender.

SPEAKER_02 11:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:47

Still to this day, you guys. I'm more, I'm more subconscious when I spend. I'm more better, but I am a spender. Checking my pocket because it got a hole in it.

SPEAKER_02 11:56

Because this girl done spend.

SPEAKER_03 11:58

I would flip you out, but we on a camera.

SPEAKER_02 11:59

Yeah, spender, y'all. Yeah, spender.

SPEAKER_03 12:02

Hey, what they say about nurses, we spend money like we like we uh slanging keys. Man, I'm tired. Like we got her drug dealing. I'm a nurse. I'm a nurse. What can I say? I think I was I can't even make that an excuse. I did that before I was a nurse.

SPEAKER_02 12:14

Yeah, I think I was uh a saver coming to the marriage. I think that when I first got my real 40-hour job because you were pregnant with our first kid and I uh I would agree. Um, I knew at that moment I had to make some some big boy pan. I had to make some some decision to take care of my family, and one of what one of it was save up for our plates. And I did. And I saved up my money and we got uh into our first place, and you know, and then I learned that money really goes bye bye.

SPEAKER_03 12:44

No, I think we both learned that because once we moved out from our parents' house, it was like, God damn, Bill is this? I'm not used to this, bills do, baby do-do-do, right?

SPEAKER_02 12:57

Working Monday through Friday, you know what I'm saying? Like it was a thing. It was you had to do what you had to do. I mean, I enjoyed the moment some saving. That was fun. Yeah, have fun saving when you ain't got no bills, but when you got bills, you can't save no more. It's like, what happened? Right.

SPEAKER_03 13:12

Okay, what was your first money memory? What did it teach you about uh what money means?

SPEAKER_02 13:18

Uh my first money memory, I would have to say, uh, was with my mom when I was little. I really understand what money was. At that point, my parents got a divorce, and I was living with my mom. Uh-huh. Um, and I was, you know, I was always telling her about the new gaming systems, right? I wasn't expecting nothing, but I was a pretty good little boy back then. You know what I'm saying? Uh not too much of a troublemaker, but uh at one point when my mom was like, she took me to surprise me to uh uh to at that what it was called Blockbuster, right? Yeah, but they had like a little gaming place in there where they sold games systems and she she surprised me.

SPEAKER_03 13:55

Blockbuster sold games? Yeah, I didn't know that. Yeah, back in the day, you know what I'm saying? I didn't know that. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 14:00

And and we went in there and she she she gave me the look and she let me pick out my game. And I said, Mom, where are you getting this money from? Right? She said, I got a credit card. I'm like, oh, credit card, what's that? What's that? Right? So don't worry about son. Sometimes you gotta just close your eyes and swipe.

SPEAKER_03 14:18

And he for sure brought that into our marriage. That's the thing that got us in trouble right there. He's talking about I'm a spender, you guys. He brought that right there, that program. Sometimes you gotta close your eyes and swipe.

SPEAKER_02 14:27

That's all you can do. Horrible. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 14:29

And he wants to talk about me being a spender. That's the reason why.

SPEAKER_02 14:32

That's that's my money memory right there.

SPEAKER_03 14:34

Okay. Well, jumping into minds, I was about, I'm gonna say it's anywhere between five and six years old. And we were catching a bus at the time. My mom did not have a car. It was my birthday, and I remember I told a lady, it's my birthday. And she gave me like two dollars. And I was so happy about this two dollars. I think I told my mom I was gonna buy like a million things with my two dollars. But then I seen a homeless man as we're about to get on the bus, he's at the bus stop. And I remember saying, Mom, he doesn't have money. Like he had a little sign up and I read it. And I'm about to hand the money to him. My mom's like, Don't you give your money to him, you just got that. And then I was like, but he doesn't have money. So I think in that moment for me, even though I was happy to have gotten that money, I think for me, money meant like, okay, well, if I got it this time, I can get it again. You know, so I gave the money, my mom let me give it to him. And that was like one of the most fond memories um that I had because that was kind.

SPEAKER_02 15:34

We got some money memories, right?

SPEAKER_03 15:36

That was a kind act. That was a kind of thing.

SPEAKER_02 15:37

Yes, y'all money money. Shoot it in the comments. Let us know what your money memory, your first money memory is. Right? Yeah. Make that happen. All right, last question What money belief did you bring into this marriage that caused the most friction early on?

SPEAKER_03 15:52

Um just spending. Like, I don't think it ever caused friction with us though. Like, we have never really argued in our in our early days, we never argued about money. Not too much about finances. No.

SPEAKER_02 16:05

I think it was a learning curve for both of us. Yeah, yeah. We didn't really understand. Uh, there wasn't too much financial argument because we did what we had to do for our little family of three at that moment.

SPEAKER_03 16:17

Right. I don't think we spent too much on like Jordans or create like we didn't do crazy stuff with our money. I mean, literally, our money we just paid bills and lived and did what we had to do at that moment.

SPEAKER_02 16:29

No, we enjoyed the moment of having a kid and getting that income tax.

SPEAKER_03 16:32

No, yes. Maybe that was the belief. I remember we were so happy. We well, remember they told it was like, oh, she was born last year. Yeah, she was just born in December, and they were like, you know, you could put her on your tax, and we were like, what she had to be born with us for a whole year. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:49

Nah. Oh man. And we had what, four kids in December? Yep. Yep. Maybe that's why we kept them kids in December. Maybe that's why we kept having them in December. So every December, we knew you're going on a taxi. Just in time. Jackson, our youngest, December 31st. He came one time on time.

SPEAKER_03 17:08

December. Oh, yeah. All four of y'all. That's all we're in time. That is hilarious.

SPEAKER_02 17:12

I said, You better not come after midnight, boy. Don't come after midnight. You better come out before midnight. I need you on my taxi. He came that morning. 10 in the morning. He came that morning.

SPEAKER_03 17:23

Oh my god. You are a mess. Yeah. All right.

SPEAKER_02 17:26

So if you guys want to comment, share anything of your memories of money. Uh shoot a shoot us a comment. We'd love to hear y'all's stories, man.

SPEAKER_03 17:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 17:34

Compare them. All right. Now let's get down to the real top, baby.

SPEAKER_03 17:39

Our story. Yes. Our our now we're we're shifting, guys. So that, you know, we just want to kind of give you guys the foundation of our background with money. Now we're shifting into our relationship, me and him in a marriage with money.

SPEAKER_02 17:51

Correct. Now, of course, we got we're gonna break this down within layers. We have three layers to break this down into. Uh-huh. We're gonna do talk about uh how we set it up, the hard stuff, okay, and the growth.

SPEAKER_03 18:03

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 18:04

You know what I'm saying? So we're gonna narrow this down. So I'm gonna go ahead and start off with layer one. Okay. All right, how we set it up. So, who handles the finances in this house? Was that a choice or did it just happen?

SPEAKER_03 18:18

You are most definitely, I would say in our earlier marriage, in the earlier years, we both kind of handled the finances. As time progressed, like I got in school and things like that, I think Harry became more he took on that role of being the accountant of the house. And the more he did that, the more like I kind of just kind of backed away. And I'm like, I don't like looking at money. I I just don't, guys. It gives me anxiety, and I think that's important is when you're in a relationship, if you can see, if you could take a weight off of me that you see that makes something that makes somebody anxious, that's kind of what he did. He's like, Okay, you're not good with this. Like it makes you make you it makes you too anxious when you start thinking. This is like in our, like I said, my nursing school days when money was really, really tight, and we had to be really frugal and things like that. And sometimes we did overspend. I'm like, I don't want to look. Just tell me if I can spend or not. That's it. Just tell me what I what I can do, what I can't do, and you kind of took that on.

SPEAKER_02 19:10

Those are some situations that kind of put us in a bond, too. Because it was hard for me to tell her no.

SPEAKER_03 19:14

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:15

She makes it so hard. Uh, but ultimately, yeah, I I was the one that kind of stepped in and kind of just took on that money role.

SPEAKER_03 19:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:23

Um, and it look, it's it's not an easy situation, but if you can uh try to lead in the best way possible, communicate as well as you need to about finances. I mean, that's something that we're working on to this day, you know what I mean? It's communication, yeah, and some aspects of where it does involve finances.

SPEAKER_03 19:42

Right.

SPEAKER_02 19:43

So it it was uh it was a role that I took on him, you know. So far, so good.

SPEAKER_03 19:47

Yeah, that's still his. I try to dive in there every once in a while. It don't always work out, but uh um, okay, babe, good one. Joint account, separate or both, and what do you do and why?

SPEAKER_02 20:00

Uh we are a joint account. We always have been account since day one. Yes. It didn't matter whether I open up the account, she's gonna get a car, she's gonna have access. If she opened up an account, I got the car, I got access. It was never no, hey, I got my account, you have your account. Now, yes, there are financial uh uh literacy individuals that will teach the method of having separate accounts.

SPEAKER_03 20:26

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:27

Account for your bills, account for your, you know, saving money for vacation, account for you and uh yes, it's out there. It if there's if the system works, it works. Yeah, you know what I mean? Right. I think uh we just came across a lot of couples who um who took on that role of having separate accounts. Separate accounts, yeah. It never ended.

SPEAKER_03 20:47

No, we always seen a lot of like a lot of people like you, like he said, a lot of people that we know just it's just well he did it and I did it. And I'm like, just I I don't know. That's just that's us. You know, everybody has different ways of how they manage their money. I trust my husband with everything. He trusts me with everything. And um, yeah, we just always had one account, one savings. And ideally, we would like to do what like that kind of like we've always wanted to do where we do have like, you know, like the vacation account, the bills account, but then we it just gets too complicated. And me and Harry are very like, let's just simplify this.

SPEAKER_04 21:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:27

Savings, check-ins. If it's in a check-ins, it's all all game. If it's in a savings, do not touch it. Yeah, you know, so that's kind of how we just kind of we just simplify it because all that other stuff just becomes too difficult. And and there has been times where Harry, I think like he'll he'll apple cash me. You know, or you know, that that's considered my little girlfriend. So I love when he does that. Like he'll just drop a little Apple Cash with a little note, and you know, so that's cute. That's how I do it. I don't got all that extra, like, oh, I have my own personal account and I'm a simple girl.

SPEAKER_02 22:01

You gotta apple cache.

SPEAKER_03 22:02

I gotta he apple caches me, and I'm like, I'm cool with that.

SPEAKER_02 22:05

Yeah. I can't touch it on her phone. Right. I can't get to it. True. All right. So uh third one on how we set it up. Okay. Do you have a real budget or do you figure it out as you go?

SPEAKER_03 22:18

Um, I would say we have tried, well, we still do. So we've had real budgets. Um in the in the earlier days, I would say when we first had a nine now, we were just figuring that stuff out as we go.

SPEAKER_02 22:32

I had a checkbook. You did. I had a checkbook, but hey, with the checkbook with the little uh balance, little book. I had to write down little transactions in there and try to, you know, calculate it. You know what I'm saying? We did. I try.

SPEAKER_03 22:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:46

Yeah, it didn't work. I hated that thing. I miss I miss about 10 transactions. I can't gotta catch up now.

SPEAKER_03 22:53

It's just, it just, oh my God, guys, money is so hard. Like, uh, but yeah, no. I think right now, like, as we got older, um after my first surrogacy journey, that's when we seen probably the most cash we've ever seen. Because I was getting paid after like everything started to kick in. I was getting paid around, and this was a few years ago, like 2014, 15.

SPEAKER_02 23:20

Yeah, like seven.

SPEAKER_03 23:21

Or was it 16?

SPEAKER_02 23:23

2000.

SPEAKER_03 23:24

No, it was 15 because yeah, it was like 2015, 14, one of those. But it either either way goes. Uh we were getting like $8,000 a month, $9,000 a month, on top of like him working, you know, and then my little side hustles while I was in school and stuff like that. So that was like probably the most money we were getting. And you got to keep in mind, like, our rent wasn't expensive. We had like $900 rent. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Both of our cars are paid off, so it was all money in. And I would say most definitely there was a lot of mismanaging because we did not budget. Did not budget that that first journey alone, I think I we we banked what $70,000, $60,000.

SPEAKER_02 24:07

It was like $60,000.

SPEAKER_03 24:08

$60,000 alone in nine months. In nine months, and so that's something somebody makes in a year.

SPEAKER_02 24:15

12 months it was gone.

SPEAKER_03 24:16

Yeah, so that was that was not good.

SPEAKER_02 24:19

Yeah, yeah, that's just a battle what we face um together.

SPEAKER_03 24:22

We learned, we most definitely learned from that that moment.

SPEAKER_02 24:25

Correct.

SPEAKER_03 24:26

We the second journey was a lot better, right? I did three journeys, by the way.

SPEAKER_02 24:30

Three journeys, surrogacy journeys. A whole nother baby that's not ours, that went home with somebody else. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 24:38

That's all I gotta say.

SPEAKER_02 24:40

Hey, ladies, you want any advice? Hit my wife up. She got you covered, man. She got you going.

SPEAKER_03 24:45

Okay, last one, babe. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 24:47

All right. Now, how do you make big financial decisions together? Walk us through it.

SPEAKER_03 24:53

Um, communication. That's him sometimes. And again, that's how I make it. That has gotten us in trouble. I would say we've learned honestly to not, and this goes back to our last episode of System One and System Two. Remember, we we rely on these systems. And I would say we have utilized system one a lot during our marriage of spending, a lot of emotional and post um post of spending. And I would say now we are more like, all right, system two, kick in, we're gonna move slow and steady, we're gonna think about this. We take day, I take weeks on Amazon just to figure it out. Like, do I, is this a right purchase? Is this this? So it all goes like communication. Like right now, me and my husband communicate very thoroughly on purchases. We make sure, like, are we gonna be able to handle it? Is this gonna fit? Do we really need it or do we just want it? Is it a need or is it a want? That is something really big. Me and Harry have been practicing for a long time after that first journey. Do we need it or is it more of a want? And if it's a want, let's put it on the want list and let's make a budget for that. So we have gotten a lot of a lot um better with that as far as like putting things to a separate list. And we we do make these lists, whether it's on a computer, our notes, our phone, and we have a list of like, okay, this is what we desire to have, this is what we want to have. Is there a date that you want to have it by? Do we actually need it? It's it's is there any use for it, or we just want it because we want it?

SPEAKER_02 26:22

Yeah, yeah. A lot of big purchases, whether it's buying shoes, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I think I think we just will splurge and buy our kids' clothes like crazy, you know what I'm saying? It's just what what is considered a big purchase? You know, it's it's how you consider it.

SPEAKER_03 26:38

House, car. Yeah, I would say I would say, I wouldn't say I things like shoes and clothes, I don't think that's big. I think things like a house, our house, our the car we got. You know what I'm saying? Oh my god, when we got the Porsche, I'm like, I want my Porsche. I've been wanting my Porsche for years. I've been working for over a year. It's time to get my big girl car. That was a big decision. So was because that is a big girl car note, yes, it's a very big girl car note. I hate my car note, but I love my car.

SPEAKER_02 27:10

All right, let's jump into the layer two, the hard stuff. All right, man. I uh I didn't want to get into this, but we have to get into this, right? Okay, so question one have you ever hidden a purchase from each other? What was it, and why did you hide it?

SPEAKER_03 27:26

I've never hidden anything from you unless it's a Father's Day, your birthday, a surprise. Yeah, something like that. Like that. I but other than that, I've never like, I mean, I can't hide, right? We have the same account.

SPEAKER_02 27:36

We have joint account. It's hard to hide when you got a joint account.

SPEAKER_03 27:39

I you know, I would say you did make a purchase. I forgot what it was, and um I was like, what's this? And it was at like it was like at a weird little gas station or something.

SPEAKER_02 27:51

Oh, come on, man. We're gonna talk about that. All right, okay, look, make we make some silly decisions, some choices, right?

SPEAKER_03 27:58

And I I was like, wait, and then bro got in so much trouble. Okay, so yeah, I made- it's possible to make purchases because again, I don't really check the account like that. I I guys, I and I that is a bad habit.

SPEAKER_02 28:12

I'm not gonna lie, ladies, don't I thought I was smooth with it, but I wasn't.

SPEAKER_03 28:18

He wasn't.

SPEAKER_02 28:19

I was bad boy.

SPEAKER_03 28:20

It wasn't a bad purchase, guys.

SPEAKER_02 28:21

No, it wasn't. It was just taking it.

SPEAKER_03 28:22

It was just funny because, like, it was funny. Let's just leave it at that.

SPEAKER_02 28:30

We don't have to start that conversation up again. We'll keep it keep it at that point.

SPEAKER_03 28:34

He really thought he got away with it. I was like, bro.

SPEAKER_02 28:37

Oh man, fellas, sometimes you can't get too coffee.

SPEAKER_03 28:40

See, something what happens is I don't check the account. So Bro be really like, oh she ain't gonna.

SPEAKER_02 28:47

You know what? I'll add to that. Yes, it's one of those things where I know she don't check the account. I know I could go out there and and probably spend money on several things she wouldn't even know. You know what I'm saying? I think the only money I ever spent that is I I hit it really, which is my little my little sweet treats. You know what I'm saying? Buying a little ice cream and stuff like that, like little things like that. But outside of that, like, yeah, uh I I already know what I need to do.

SPEAKER_03 29:15

And by sweet treats, guys, they're really not sweet treats.

SPEAKER_02 29:18

Whatever. Okay. I'm going number one.

SPEAKER_03 29:21

We cannot disclose that.

SPEAKER_02 29:23

Leave me alone, man. I'm going number two, right? No, you go number two.

SPEAKER_03 29:26

All right, babe. We're gonna jump into this next question because you are just a mess with that transaction. But um, sweet treats. All right. What is the biggest financial mistake we made as a couple and how did we get through it?

SPEAKER_02 29:42

Uh, I think the biggest financial mistake we made as a couple was uh I have to go back to that first circuit journey.

SPEAKER_03 29:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:52

Man, like you would think that someone of that opportunity will be able to take advantage of, you know, saving up a good amount of money. Yeah, you know what I mean? But I think that because we never seen so much money come in at in a month.

SPEAKER_03 30:10

At a rate that it was coming, we never had money left over, yeah. Like we were, you guys, we gotta think about it. Like, yeah, my husband was aware, like working at warehouse. This is even before he did real estate, really. Yeah, and so we had money coming in at a rate that we had money left over from the previous month, so then we had just money in the account, just yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:32

I think it was just spending. We don't remember what we spent that.

SPEAKER_03 30:36

No, and that's bad.

SPEAKER_02 30:38

Like we had nothing to show for it, not no no savings of it, no investments of it. No, we just literally spent it, whether we were eating out, we was handing out money. We were handing out family, like, here you go, here you go. Like, it was ridiculous.

SPEAKER_03 30:55

Like, we had no sense of I think we bought our truck because we did need we did need a new truck.

SPEAKER_02 31:02

Yeah, yeah. We and we which we dropped about what was it, eight?

SPEAKER_03 31:05

Eight thousand on our truck.

SPEAKER_02 31:06

We're gonna say, yeah, uh, it was just a crazy situation what we were going through. And I think that was probably one of our biggest mistakes. For sure. How did we get through it though?

SPEAKER_03 31:16

Um you learn. That's the only way you can get through it. You learn because I think at the end of it, like you said, when we started to see that account kind of because once money stops with surrogacy, it just stops, right? Yep, it's like you you're not employed no more. And so I think with that being said, we were like, what the heck just happened? Where did the money go? What did we even do? The only thing we have right now that we can show for is the truck.

SPEAKER_02 31:42

The truck.

SPEAKER_03 31:43

You know, we didn't, you know, I think at the time too, because um, I'm trying to, was I in I was taking my prereqs at the time. Yeah, I think I, you know, it was really no urgency to be like, our, you know, our like I said, our rent was super cheap. We lived in a very like decent area. Um, wasn't the ghetto or anything, very nice little area. And our rent was cheap, it was comfortable. I was a student at the time. He was working, you know, his little job. And I think at the time we didn't have an urgency to be like, oh, let's go buy a house. You know, I think at the time we were like, well, can we really buy a house? Like, we knew that the income would stop, and we knew we couldn't really utilize it. I don't know what we were thinking, guys, to be honest. Because when you go back, there's plenty, like he said, we could have invested, we could have started the business. I just think our mind wasn't there. And again, that goes back to how we were wired as kids.

SPEAKER_02 32:35

I wish I would have invested in crypto and exactly when it started first started coming out.

SPEAKER_03 32:40

Yeah. Because we had we had it to do it, but like just getting through that was it was tough because it's like it's almost like you learn a lesson, you know, you hit that brick wall, and it's like God's like, look, I I I blessed y'all tremendously, and you didn't you didn't handle it well. You you you mishandled your blessings, and so that was something we had to deal with not only spiritually, but we had to deal with that um personally ourselves, yeah, you know, and I had to we had to deal with that as a married couple to say, hey, that was very irresponsible, that is not acceptable.

SPEAKER_02 33:14

Yeah, that was some deep conversation.

SPEAKER_03 33:16

There was a very deep, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 33:18

For sure, man, for sure.

SPEAKER_03 33:20

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 33:20

All right, so here we go, third one. The hard stuff. Has money ever created a power imbalance where one person um have more where where one person had more control because they earned or managed more more?

SPEAKER_03 33:38

No, I mean I made a lot of money as a nurse, and I've never like I think there's never been like a I would I would not say a power balance. I think I got to one point where what did I say? I I felt like I felt like everything was on me at one point. Yeah, I wouldn't feel like I didn't really want to say it was a power balance. Yeah, I would just say I felt like at one point I'm like, it just feels like everything's on me.

SPEAKER_02 34:09

Because at that moment, you know, I was trying to venture venture into real estate, yeah, and trying to get that off the ground and trying to build that up, and it was such an up and down um uh business. Uh, you know, so it was I wasn't really bringing in money because, you know, I I quit my job. You told me to quit my job, I did, yeah. Focus on what I had to focus on for myself and my family.

SPEAKER_03 34:32

I wanted I wanted to be supportive to my husband because I felt like I think my husband was working at uh again another warehouse, and he just looks so I I remember him coming home one day from work and I'm doing like I'm just looking like he looks so sad and depressed. I'm like, my husband's not happy there, and I'm like, quit. Yeah, let's figure out, but like you know, like quit your job, let's like go figure out what you want to do with your life. Like, yeah, I figured out what I want to do with my life, it's going, like, go figure it out.

SPEAKER_02 35:01

Like, you know, having that dream of passion, wanting to wanting to help others, that's one of my things that I wanted to really do. Um, I mean, even during that time frame, I came out with a book, you know what I mean? He did. It's still, hey, check out Amazon. It's called Does My Shoe Size Matter?

SPEAKER_03 35:19

He did, it's still there, yeah. But no, yeah, I I think it's very important that I, you know, I took the time to support you the way you supported me. Um, and I think, like you said, it got to the point where I think I mentioned to my husband, um, you have to have a plan B. And my husband was like, I don't need no plan B. This is the plan A, B, C. And I'm like, all right, as the wife I am, I'm like, I'm a very supportive wife. And I'm like, all right, all right. And it kind of slapped him in his face. Because he should have had a plan B.

SPEAKER_04 35:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:50

That's a whole other conversation. But I would say it never created, like, I never was on a like in all my three journeys of bringing in all the money, supporting my husband through everything, through all the time where I've been a nurse, bringing in a bunch of money. Like, I do what I do for my family. There are moments, and I think that is human nature, where you feel like, damn, I feel like everything's on me. Some, some, you know, some moments. But there's never like, I've never talked down to my husband, like, I make this, and so you do this. No, that's my money. We have never, ever, ever used the words my money. Yeah. Minds. We do not use those words in our house.

SPEAKER_02 36:27

It's yeah. It comes to the point for for a man, like when you are in that relationship where your your lady is the one um that is in the front forefront of being the the breadwinner. I mean, yeah. It sometimes you you could sit there and you could either tell yourself, like, no, you know what I'm saying, and treat the situation and make it uncomfortable, or you could be supportive and be there and do everything else that you can do uh as far as around the house, take care of the kids, yeah. Make sure things are done, you know what I mean. Uh, there's a role in a relationship that both play and correct. You guys play as team, um, then you really want to run into too many financial problems if you are in that situation.

SPEAKER_03 37:13

Yeah. I mean, it works for us. Like I said, my husband always made sure something came in. Um, he never just sat there, you know, and and and let things just happen. But yeah, there were moments, like you said, where I was the breadwinner a lot of the time. Yeah. I mean, there was never like a power. I can't recall like any craziness like that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:38

No power over here. All right, last one for the the hard stuff. Have you ever looked at your finances and left generally scared and felt generally scared? Uh, what did that do to the relationship? Oh man.

SPEAKER_03 37:52

Um, yeah, we have plenty of those. Like, yeah, no, we have guys. Like, I have you ever just felt your heart drop because you're like, again, what the f just happened? Like a whirlwind, like tornado just hit the account. Like, what happened? What did we do? And I would never forget, again, like, and this is when I realized that, yes, I do need to kind of step up and be a part of those finances. Because I would never forget. Remember, I came to you and I'm like, you're in control of the finances. Like, you're supposed to be making sure we're good. You're supposed to be on the budget. We're supposed to be on the budget, Harry. Like, you're supposed to be, da-da-da-da. I'm the one bringing in the money, so go ahead. You like, I remember, you know, I remember we had that moment. I'm like, babe, I bring in the money. You're supposed to budget. You know, I get stressed out when I, you know, talk about money. And he's like, um, yeah, he's like, like he said, I can't tell you no. Like, I, yeah. No, yeah. It it it really was, it is scary. It is scary.

SPEAKER_02 38:50

Especially when you you you're already thinking several months ahead of time.

SPEAKER_03 38:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:55

You're like, all right, gotta make sure something, gotta do something right, gotta fix the situation. But life happens, like situations happen, things that that'll come out of the blue, like uh mechanical issues, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 39:08

Yes, I remember emergencies, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:10

I had the truck and it was low on oil, and I decided to put some oil in it, and I put too much oil on it, and it was starting to burn off, and then the engine sees a brand new truck. We gotta take it to shop, and they're like, Yep, it's gonna be you know, $25,000, $3,000. We're like, man, what the heck? Yeah, and we're not prepared for it, and you're like, dang, then you gotta take that money to fix it, and and you only could blame, like, man, if I never put more oil in, just barely went and got regular oil change.

SPEAKER_03 39:42

And one thing my husband does, oh my god, financially, like sometimes my husband, literally, we have money, you guys, and he'll do stuff like that. Literally, we have money to do, and I'm like, why didn't you do this? Or why didn't you do that? Especially like when we had like a lot of like if our account was really, really like good, deep, like our the pockets was deep and good. I'm like, why would you not just do that? Well, I don't know. So, like, you know, so those are our kind of problems we have more so with money than like power trips and stuff. It's like, hey, we have the money. Why they well, because I was trying to save for this. I'm like, but now you want to save like our car need oil change, do it.

SPEAKER_02 40:22

So do it, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:23

I don't know why you do that.

SPEAKER_02 40:25

Like, I don't know, man. He's done that. It's so hard, it's so hard to explain. Fellas, you guys know it. Come on, ride with me on this one, fellas. Yes, sometimes we do. I I remember I had to change the oil on our old cars. See their new cars. So now we got to a new car. I'm like, I just don't want to do that no more. You know what I'm saying? So I I try my best, but that was a situation where I miscalculated. Okay, I was gonna get it done. I just miscalculated.

SPEAKER_03 40:51

You could have just taken to GMC.

SPEAKER_02 40:53

I know I could have taken it to GMC.

SPEAKER_03 40:55

You see what I'm saying, guys? Those are our money problems right there. I am the I am the woman that's like, just take it. He's like, no, I got this, I can fix it, I can make this right. And I'm like, you're making it worse.

SPEAKER_02 41:08

That's the hard stuff. That's what it is.

SPEAKER_03 41:09

That's the hard stuff.

SPEAKER_02 41:10

Now, layer three. Okay. We're talking about the growth now. Yes. Okay. So, what financial lesson uh took the longest to learn in this marriage?

SPEAKER_03 41:19

Managing money. Literally, managing money, finding a balance. Like I said, there are times like I do, my husband is the accountant. I let him handle that. Money stresses me out. I like to make it, I'll make it, I'll spend it. I do not like to deal with it, but I have one of the biggest lessons that I learned personally for myself is I need to be in that with him. I need to be in our finances with him because I feel like sometimes I do put that too much on him. And I've told him that I'm like, look, I know sometimes I can be absent from that part because it it, you know, I know for him, he's like, yeah, it stresses you out. But as a wife, I do need to step up in that area because I feel like sometimes he does get my, I'll be having my husband stressed out, y'all. Because like he said, he doesn't like to say no. He he will go outside of the budget for me. And here I'll come, I'll be like, babe, but you're supposed to stick with the budget. Come on, we gotta stay on the budget. He's like, but but but I'm like, you know, so I would say that's the biggest growth I've had is like, shade. What you want? Ben, what you want me to do?

SPEAKER_02 42:23

Ben, what you want? What you do?

SPEAKER_03 42:24

Doing the Brad, Brad.

SPEAKER_02 42:27

Brad, what you gonna do? All right, we're gonna talk about the Michael Jackson when he was performing, and the guy kept playing so it kept repeating, and he was like, he was trying to, you know, go along. It got to the point where he turned and said, Brad, what you gonna do?

SPEAKER_03 42:45

Go, go, YouTube, but go Michael Jackson. So, that's what my husband be saying. Babe, what you want me to do? Babe, what you gonna do? Yeah, no, it'd be like that. I I I could be a confusing wife. He, you know what, I gotta, I got a good one because to deal with me, it could take a lot because I'm like, budget, don't budget, budget, but give me that. Budget, I need that, drop that. So my husband be like, what you want me to do?

SPEAKER_02 43:14

I know there's more couples that dealing with this, so put some comments down. Let's talk, let's try to communicate through this together. Okay, there's ways. Okay. All right, last one, babe. What does your financial picture look like now versus where you started? What made it what made the difference?

SPEAKER_03 43:33

It looks good. Um obviously I'm a registered nurse now, and that was that in itself is good money, depending on how you how you work that thing. Your girl be, you know, I'll be pulling some hours. I remember one check I had like 113 hours. I was like, bye, babe. All babe gotta do is have that lunch ready in the morning. I wasn't gonna read the ready.

SPEAKER_01 44:01

Get that, put that there, get that little drink, mm-hmm. Breakfast. Mm-hmm. Okay, babe.

SPEAKER_03 44:07

Bye. I would say like I hated that though, because during that moment, my husband worked night shift and we did not see each other because I was I was gone. I was in my bag. Like, bye. Bye. Being a nurse can be addicting sometimes. But I would say now, like, you know, we're we transitioned from um me being a nurse to owning a business. So again, we're back to that more saving, being frugal. We are we got we got big couple bills. We got a we got house note, we got car, two car notes, you know, life insurance, this insurance, that insurance. We got a lot going on. So I think now versus now we are actually having a savings more now. We actually have a budget plan. Our our budget plan is um implemented. Sometimes we do get thrown off. Don't don't get me wrong, we are not perfect.

SPEAKER_02 44:59

Not gonna be able to stick with it. If you do stick with it, please teach me.

SPEAKER_03 45:02

Yes. Okay, please teach us.

SPEAKER_02 45:04

Hit me up and show me what you do and stay consistent with that book.

SPEAKER_03 45:08

Yeah, because sometimes we be, we be, we'll be good and then we'll be off. But be like, what happened? Yeah, what happened?

SPEAKER_02 45:14

You know, I look at him. So $300, $50, $350 dinner, you know.

SPEAKER_03 45:19

I would say our worst habit, and this is probably every couple's worst habit, is to be like, we just went grocery shopping and now we finna go out to eat.

SPEAKER_02 45:27

That part. Oh no, we just left the grocery store and then went to the restaurant on the way home. And then we gotta hurry up and eat because we got refrigerated stuff in the truck. Right. Like, oh no, wait, shoot. We got stuff we gotta throw in the fridge. Right.

SPEAKER_03 45:40

That is our I think that is one like one habit. Me and Harry have not broken since we've met. We are foodies.

SPEAKER_02 45:47

We can't get a break either. I don't care. Deal with it. Yeah, it's just no, that's our time. You know what? Right or die with the food, man. It's good. It's too damn good. LA is good. It is what it is. I'm sorry, y'all. That's one thing we can't teach you to be healthy on. You know what I'm saying? All I gotta do is say one word fixins.

SPEAKER_03 46:07

Oh my god. We straight to LA on that one.

SPEAKER_02 46:09

Straight to LA. Fixins at LA.

SPEAKER_03 46:10

Delicious at Dunbar.

SPEAKER_02 46:12

Delicious at Dunbar. We there.

SPEAKER_03 46:14

We there.

SPEAKER_02 46:14

LA. We love LA, bro.

SPEAKER_03 46:17

All right.

SPEAKER_02 46:18

All right. Now we're gonna get into the top five money question couples ask.

SPEAKER_03 46:23

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_02 46:24

So we found the five most common money question couples actually ask. Uh, we are answering them from 20 years of real experience.

SPEAKER_03 46:33

Not a finance book.

SPEAKER_02 46:35

All right.

SPEAKER_03 46:35

So we're gonna shade knowledge.

SPEAKER_02 46:39

Yeah, it either gonna work out for you or it's not. So that's just what happens.

SPEAKER_03 46:47

Pick and choose what you want from this conversation, y'all.

SPEAKER_02 46:50

All right, so I'm gonna start with the number one question.

SPEAKER_03 46:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 46:53

Should couples have joint or separate bank accounts?

SPEAKER_03 46:56

My honest answer, I believe you should have a joint account. I don't know why. Something if something with me and joint accounts just makes sense. Um, if you guys need several joint accounts, like, oh, like he said, vacation account, spending account, this account, I believe it should be joint because there should be nothing to hide. Like, even again, when my husband tried to hide his little sweet treat, he couldn't hide it. And I already know, like, there's nothing there's not gonna be, you know, nothing malicious in our spending. But I just feel like when you start drifting off into separate accounts, either you're not you're I feel like that's a form of not being committed.

SPEAKER_04 47:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 47:35

In my opinion. Yeah. Again, this is how we've managed, guys. This is based on our 20 years, so we are not saying nobody's way is wrong. This is just what we feel. I feel joining accounts are important. I feel like it does show show a deeper commitment.

SPEAKER_02 47:50

It does show deeper commitment. I I could say that we we had had uh a lesser, less amount of financial arguments. Oh, yeah, right, when it comes to accounts, and you know, we don't have to deal with, well, you know, you need to pay this. Right.

SPEAKER_03 48:07

You know, we don't have to deal with that. We know where the money's coming in, we know that it's going out, we know where it's going to.

SPEAKER_02 48:13

So and that's just part of building a healthy relationship. Right. If they look, if you want to have your separate account, you know what I mean, and you have a way to make it work and it builds a healthy relationship by doing so, go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 48:26

Right, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 48:27

But for us, for us to have build a healthy relationship, joint account is definitely what is was prioritized for us, no matter what.

SPEAKER_03 48:36

I don't think we had it no no other way. I don't know. We just always felt that it just always felt right to us. So most definitely have joint. Um, okay, babe. So what do you do when you're um when one partner is a spender and the other is a saver?

SPEAKER_02 48:50

Uh when one partner is spending on a saver, you just gotta try your best to meet in the middle. Yeah. And hope you don't go broke. I'm just saying, like, honestly, like if one's a saver, then that's good. Yeah, it's a balance. It's good to have a balance like that. Both of you guys are spenders. You better be making a lot of money together to call yourselves a spender. Yeah. You know what I mean? And obviously, if you are in that position to be able to do so, like, I mean, handle your business. But it's very healthy to have one that is a saver and one that's a spender, but then communicate in regards to what is being purchased. And, you know, I mean, there's necessity for female, right? Hair done, yeah, nails done. Yeah. You know what I mean? They gotta have the uh fresh outfit before they go out. So you gotta buy a fresh outfit every time they step out, you know what I'm saying? Because they only wear it once, because the pictures, you know, say, no, I don't want to see this picture. I can get a whole outfit because I, you know, I gotta I gotta have new pictures. You know what I'm saying? Y'all females, y'all pictures. My name pictures, man. But I mean, yeah, you just gotta find that balance uh through that. And in order to do so, make it work by allowing that spender to communicate to the saver, and the saver says yes and no. It's it hurts when you gotta say no. But if you really have to do that.

SPEAKER_03 50:15

Let's put that on the the want list. And again, I think it's so healthy, you guys. If you've never tried a do you need it, is it a necessity or a want? Yeah, is it impulse? Is it is it impulsivity or is it is it not? Yeah, make that list, and that is what really helped me with him as the you know, the accountant, the saver, and him say him make making me do that list because then it honestly puts perspective because guys, I am not gonna lie, I am in post, I am an impulsive spender, I am an emotional spender. I could be having a bad day and be like, I need retail therapy.

SPEAKER_02 50:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 50:49

As I should.

SPEAKER_02 50:51

Ain't nothing I can do about it.

SPEAKER_03 50:52

I could be like, I could be like, I had a horrible day at work. I'm gonna stop and just shop away.

SPEAKER_02 50:58

And it ain't nothing worse when they have a you know a situation where they feel that way, they don't say nothing, and you guys go to the mall for one item, and then they come across something else, and they just googly eye over it, and they start talking about, oh my god, I really wish I could get that. Babe, what you think? And they just look at you because they want you just to say yes. Because if you say no, or not right now, and they want to spend emotionally, they're like, it's time for me to be a spender. Yeah, just say yes.

SPEAKER_03 51:27

We have those moments. I I am not gonna lie, I ain't gonna behold you. I've had that moment where I went and I was pissed. And he's like, What is wrong with you? I'm like, nothing. Babe, what is wrong with you? Nothing, and then come to find out I'm mad because you didn't get me X, Y, and Z.

SPEAKER_04 51:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 51:44

So yeah, I've had those immature moments. I've grown from that, you guys. The list, the list has helped me.

SPEAKER_02 51:50

The list has helped you. You know what I'm saying? Ain't no one else will help you help you. Watch it on YouTube, close your eyes. This practice.

SPEAKER_03 51:58

That's when he really doesn't want to deal with me, you guys.

SPEAKER_02 52:00

Practice with me. Right? I call this brownie points.

SPEAKER_03 52:05

You're silly. I can't watch you.

SPEAKER_02 52:07

All right, all right, all right, all right. Number three.

SPEAKER_03 52:10

Okay. How do you talk about money without turning it into a fight?

SPEAKER_02 52:15

Uh you have to really look at what you have, right? What you uh what you are working for, what what is the situation uh in where you guys are building towards, right? Yeah. Uh because when you're having those money talks, it it it becomes like a situational-based kind of thing. Like this is what we need to do, right? We're in this situation right now.

SPEAKER_04 52:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 52:41

In order for us to get out of this situation, this is what we have to do, we have to do X, Y, and Z. You know what I mean? And just staying on that, on that plan, stay on that order together, and helping each other out through those moments. Yeah. And not really just tied into like uh, you know, this is your it's your fault, you know, saying you you made this happen. Like I can't, I can't do this with you anymore because you keep doing this. But there are relations out there that where the couples do deal with certain things, like gambling problems.

SPEAKER_03 53:13

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:14

You know, or you know, shopaholic, real shopaholic. I I mean, they that's somebody that exists out there right now. Yeah, they done burnt money right now. They're saving.

SPEAKER_03 53:24

I mean, I would say we've had like um our fair share moments too where we've gotten upset with each other, like we can't continue to do this. Like our spinning habits, like I said, the the I the first, like I said, the first surrogacy journey was really, I would say that was the hardest thing for us because we did, I wouldn't say fight, we communicated, but it was like a battle because we both had to come to grips that we both were irresponsible. Yeah, and it was like we can't, we're too grown for this, like we're too mature. Like, what are we thinking? So, you know, we we have had those moments, you know. Uh, I wouldn't say like screaming and yelling, but it got intense because we're like, it's it wasn't nobody's fault. It was both our fault. And I think that is the best part about a marriage when you grow, is like you say, you don't blame. Like we never, I don't think we've never blamed each other. You know, I I would say like there was only the one time, like I said, well, babe, you were supposed to be doing the budgeting, and I had to quickly correct myself because I'm like, wait a minute, you're telling him what he's supposed to be doing, and he is doing the best he can based on but based on what you're presenting to him, you know, depending on what mood I'm in, right? And so I had to catch that. I'm like, okay, Shade, maybe you need to get involved with the finances. Like, you know what I'm saying? You need to see how hard it is to manage a budget, you know, when you know, with a family of of uh six of us, and you know, so those are things that I really had to correct myself on, but I would say we really did good and never really just ah, battling like no, and I make all the money and you don't do that, like it's never really been like that. Correct.

SPEAKER_02 55:06

And then that's how it's supposed to be. Hopefully, yeah, that's what you want it to be. Yeah, you know what I mean. If you are struggling in that sit in that area where you guys are really getting into some big fights and arguments over money, let's start to analyze the sense of first of all, where's the balance at? Right.

SPEAKER_03 55:26

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 55:26

And go from there. Gotta go from there. Because if you guys both not balance, then that's where you can start off from. Say, hey, we both need to get this together. It's not just me nor you.

SPEAKER_03 55:37

Like that's what we did. It was like, it's both of us. We both, we both both were at fault here. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 55:44

All right, number four, uh, question, top questions. What do you do when one person earns significantly more than the other?

SPEAKER_03 55:53

We dug it out. We me and my husband, I mean, like I said, I was bringing in over a hundred thousand a year. And my husband, you know, at the time, there was moments my husband didn't work. He worked. I only worked, you know what I'm saying? Especially because that has always been like one of our things. Like, I think even before I graduated, it was like, oh, babe, like, because we had younger kids, it was like, I'll work as a nurse. You make money, you make great income. I'd rather you be able to be with the kids doing your little side thing with real estate, and then pin the kids in daycare, I think, at the time. Oh, yeah. It was expensive. You know what I'm saying? So me and my husband, we've kind of had those situations before where I'm I'm bringing in all the money, he's doing his real estate. Again, you know, real estate can go up and down. And I've had moments where I've depended on my husband, where he was bringing in all, like in our earlier in our marriage, my husband, before I graduated, my husband was doing all the working for the most part. You know what I'm saying? And I would do little side hustles or I do little things with my LVN license, you know, um, when I was in LVN, but I don't think that's never been a problem with us. I think we've always really, that's what I love about our marriage is that we are such team players, and when we're wrong, we're wrong and we admit that we're wrong.

SPEAKER_04 57:09

Right.

SPEAKER_03 57:10

I don't think we've ever had a power trip where I'm like, you know what I'm saying? I don't we we never did that.

SPEAKER_02 57:16

One of the main reasons why is because we actually we appreciate each other. Yeah, we appreciate what we do for each other, right? And sometimes that might slip in some relationships where yeah, the man make all the money, so it kind of he downplays what the female brings, right, to the table.

SPEAKER_03 57:34

Right.

SPEAKER_02 57:35

He looks at it like, oh, this is what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to cook clean at dinner and give me some every night, right? She done took care of the kid, done worked and slayed, cleaned the house all day, running errands, picking up your clothes, folding your clothes. They had to deal with kids for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And got it, then you know, it's a lot of stress. And yeah, if you don't appreciate that per other person at a high value, uh then you you get that kind of confused. And and whether it's the man doing it or the female doing it, uh it that's where I think the heavy conversation and those fights and the arguments kind of hit more. Uh because you don't appreciate your the value of what your partner brings to the table.

SPEAKER_03 58:21

I mean, we and that's one thing I've always done. I've always appreciated, like I said, I could sleep in, wake up 30 minutes before, you know what I'm saying? My lunch is made. Fresh lunch. I wake up early.

SPEAKER_02 58:34

She had to be at work, she had to leave the house by 5:45, 6 o'clock. I'm up at 4 15.

SPEAKER_03 58:39

Yeah. And I appreciate my husband for that. Like, my husband's so amazing. Like, I didn't, I mean, there have been times I've came home, but you know what I'm saying? Like, that's more of me telling the kids, like, why are you not helping your dad, especially when they got older? Like, your dad got a lot going on. He got this, this, and that, you know. So, um, but other than that, like, I've always appreciated my husband doing a lot of the things while I was at work when he was at home with the kids. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 59:05

So that it goes a long way. Appreciate your partner and what they do and what they bring to the table if you're in that type of role and relationship where one is making more money than the other, whether they're working or at home.

SPEAKER_03 59:17

Right. Okay. So, how do you get on the same page when you have completely different money backgrounds?

SPEAKER_02 59:25

Um I want to give it the easy way out. Just say communication, right? Yeah. That'll be the easy way out, but yeah, how do you get on the same page? Um, it's gonna be the value of life that you guys are pushing towards, right?

SPEAKER_04 59:42

Right.

SPEAKER_02 59:42

I think that if you are elevating yourself and you supporting your your partner and you guys are both in the realm of elevation and getting somewhere, that's where it could start. That's where it could lead to the better communication. That's where you guys could see eye to eye with certain things. Um, because you you want that for that person and you appreciate the support that you're getting. And if you're not getting the support, you don't feel that you are getting the support, speak up.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:13

You know what I mean? You have to speak up in a relationship when it comes to support. Uh, and because when you don't do that, you find yourself leaning towards more of resentment and anger and disappearing and feeling a certain way, and that other person is not really gonna uh read your mind right away. Right. Right? And the littlest argument turn into the biggest fights ever. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? So I think that's where it starts at.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:41

Yeah. I mean, like you said, we had different backgrounds. Um, I would say, like you said, communicating with each other. We we I think the best part about us though, Harry, is that we started so young that we were not set in our ways.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:56

So when we came into our relationship, I'm 18, he's 19, we're not really set in our ways with money. I think that's the advantage point that we had. And so we were more adaptable to each other. And um, I think that that hurt us in some areas, right? Because we were spending too much together, but it also helped us to grow together, to be like, okay, what corrections can we make to make this better? Like he said, we had goals. We know we want a house, we know we want this, this, and that. So we had specific goals in our mind. We wrote our goals. I will be a real estate agent by this time, I will be a nurse by this time. We got we want this. This is how much this costs. And I think just not being set in our own ways as young adults, we were able to adapt and be teachable to one another. We were able to be teachable, and that's not to say older couples can't be teachable, but I think sometimes um at a certain age, you're not teachable because you're so set in your own way. So I would say to couples that are older and you are going into a relationship, be teachable. Yeah, be be teachable and and be able to learn from that person. I had to a lot of the time sit with the fact that things were on me because I'm like, well, you asked for it, that's what you got, right? And I think a lot of times we had to just sit in those moments and say, we've up. All right, let's rewrite our story. What can we do different? How can we budget better? So I think you know, I I would think that I would say that that was our biggest advantage. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:39

All right.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:41

How do you get oh sorry?

SPEAKER_02 1:02:42

Oh, go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:44

All right, guys, we are gonna jump into a comment that was sent to us. This is um our fix it or leave it. That's what we're doing. We're talking about money, yes, all right.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:55

Um, so let's go over this comment that was having which is we're gonna give our honest take, no sugar coating.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:01

Okay, okay. Sounds good.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:04

All right, all right.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:05

So this um her concern is that her significant other is not equally contributing to the household. And this was her concern. She's paying most of the bills. He's been saying over the last several years that he wants to start a business, and that's why he's been saving. Um it's been three years later, he still has no business. So now we're gonna give our honest take because at this point she's like, I'm resenting him. All right. All right, what you gotta say about that, baby?

SPEAKER_02 1:03:36

Man, what what are you doing, brother? Right? Yeah. I mean, come on, like, obviously, I think that there's some type of avoidance going on. Okay. Um or it could be either more more deeper than we think. But honestly, like if if he hasn't really like showed any like progress. I mean, is there progress? Obviously, uh, there must not be no progress, right? Um I think that it needs to be well it's a hard conversation because it seemed like it'll turn into an automatic argument.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:11

Argument, yeah, for down there.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:13

Especially when she's already starting to resent him. I mean it seemed like it could be a downward spiral, right? That's about to happen.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:19

Yeah, for sure. It's about to blow up. Um like I get it. You're resenting, like this man has been promising, and you're probably banking on that. Like, especially if the business, it sounds like he has a great business idea. Clearly, you believed in it enough to support him through these years. Um, yeah, for sure. I think at this point, you guys need to reevaluate. Go back to the drawing book. You need to be honest. I think the best thing you can do in this situation is really be honest and set boundaries, have an intentional conversation, be intentional with each other, and really be like, hey, I can't keep fronting a bill. I just can't, you know. Um, especially if you guys were married. I know you didn't put whether you guys were married or not, it doesn't seem like it. You didn't say your husband. So now you're investing into somebody that you're not even married, married to. Um, and that's not fair. That's not right. Not not it's not fair to you. So most definitely.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:17

I mean, in those three years, have he been making you still happy? Uh has he been still doing things?

SPEAKER_03 1:05:24

My mama always said, sex don't pay the bill. Well, come on, man. Good sex ain't gonna pay that bill. So, sis, I'm just I'm you said no sugarcoating. I'm being completely transparent here. That's what she sent the question for. Sex don't pay your bills. I don't care how good it is. If he is just sitting there and really showing no progress of how this business has progressed, where are we at? In three years, come on now. I mean, three years, we should be somewhere. You you know what I'm saying? Um, I get it. Yeah, I get it. You gotta, you gotta, we gotta start having. Real conversations. We gotta really go back to the drama where we gotta figure out what's going on because what are you gonna go on year six? And he's still talking about he's saving for this business. Did do you know what is in a saving count?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:10

Three years is pretty long, man. Yeah, I'm just saying. I don't know, man. All right, y'all. So that was our fix it up situation. Fix it up, leave it. You should leave it.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:21

You should leave it.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:22

All right. Uh definitely go ahead and move on. Especially you got to kick that dude out.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:28

He gets to go.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:29

All right. Now we're finna jump into our hot seat. We already know how this goes, man. We're gonna be flashing these questions, man. Yeah. It's gonna be quick answers. We're not gonna. No, let me think. None of that. Just gonna be get into it. So if something something that happened, I I can guarantee you I ain't gonna worry about it.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:47

All right, all right, all right.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:49

All right, so I'm gonna start off first. I'm gonna ask first, all right. So, have you ever hit hidden a purchase from me? Yes or no?

SPEAKER_03 1:06:55

No.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:57

Liar.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:57

Except for when it's your birthday again. I already said that. So that's not considered hiding.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:01

Okay, I'll take that. All right, question number two. What do I spend money on uh that you secretly think is wasteful?

SPEAKER_03 1:07:10

It used to be your Xbox game, Call of Duty. I hate that shit.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:14

Come on, man.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:16

Not my game.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:18

Alright, it's all good. Okay. What do you think is a waste? Whatever. All right, number three. If you found out I had a secret savings account, what is your first thought?

SPEAKER_03 1:07:29

You're cheating. You're plotting, you're cheating, you're trying to leave.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:33

What if I'm trying to save up something and you know to surprise you with? I don't want you to see what it is.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:38

You can withdraw the money. I don't know. That's just the first thought. I mean, like, I don't know, because we you can't just go from always having an account with me to now not having an account. That's just that's sus.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:49

But it's on the side, it's my side account.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:52

Exactly. That's sus at this point in life, right? Wouldn't you think what what would you do? I want a side account. Well, guys, am I right or wrong on that? I mean, like, all of a sudden, like I said, we've always had together accounts, and all of a sudden, like, you got a side account? Like, that's sus to me. I know, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:08:08

No, that's sus. All right, number four. Uh-huh. What is your biggest financial fear for our family right now?

SPEAKER_03 1:08:16

Um, nothing right now, to be honest.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:20

I'll take that.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:21

Because I got God by my side.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:23

God did. All right. Number five, finish this. The money conversation we still need to have is stop going out to eat so much. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:37

I'm gonna be dead honest. Ain't gonna happen, probably, but that's what we need to have. Stop going out to eat so much. You're about to go out to eat after you. Do you guys realize how much money we spend every week on out to eat? It's ridiculous.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:51

My seat, man. All right, all right, hit me, babe.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:53

All right, what is the most financially irresponsible thing you have ever done that I might not know about?

SPEAKER_02 1:09:02

Uh I purchased a lot of sweet treats.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:12

Including the one he thought he got away with. Whatever. You're fucking, you know what, just stop. Do you think we are on the same financial page right now? Yes or no?

SPEAKER_01 1:09:23

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:24

Yes, I would agree. I would agree. What does your financial scrutiny feel like to you? And do you feel uh feel it right now? Um or what does financial scrutiny feel like?

SPEAKER_02 1:09:36

Uh it feels like if if I'm being um twisted and having to make the decision of you know, every moment of spending, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:09:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:48

I think it's just like it's so annoying. So annoying. It is. That definitely is what's happening. And uh do you feel how do I feel it right now? No, no, no, yeah, before.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:59

Not not anymore.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:01

Did I scrutinize you when I was like, you need the budget, you have the budget.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:05

That was so wait, hey, wallet, no wallet, wallet, no wallet. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:10

Who is better with money? Me or you? And you better answer carefully.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:13

You you're better with money. So much better than with money. Literally, him. No, stop pointing at me. She's better. I'm gonna keep it that way. I'm gonna bed peaceful tonight.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:26

Finish this. When it comes to money, you wish that I would understand what that doesn't grow on trees. Really? You need to understand that. No, he's right. He wants to say that, y'all. That was his moment. He took it. Just shut up, babe. Moving on, moving on, moving on. All right, the thing I want most for our financial future is stability.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:52

Stability, growth, I'm gonna say growth.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:55

Growth, stability, for sure. Yeah, and our biggest money habit I know I need to change is eating out. You know, an expensive restaurant. Sometimes we go to Chick-fil-A, okay. Too much. But Chick-fil-A in itself is getting expensive. Oh my gosh. All right, guys, we're gonna get you guys out of here. We will be back next week with episode six.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:21

Right.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:22

We're gonna keep it a secret. You guys gotta come back to episode six to hear that.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:27

But until then, it's gonna be a good one, too.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:29

Peace. We love you guys all. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:31

Comment, yes, send it out. Let's do this, let's make this grow. We are here to help couples build not a perfect relationship, but a healthy relationship.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:42

We love you all.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:42

Thank you guys. Thank you for supporting.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:45

Bye. Let the real soak in. Got that twenty-year kind of truth right here. We need to talk about everything. So pull up a seat, let's get into it. We need to talk.