A conversation with Zerelda Gallego from the El Paso Women’s Network

Download my free mini-ebook: It's About Damn Time: The Self Check for Women Leaders Who Work Their Ass Off, Play By the Rules, and STILL Get Passed Over.

I sat down with my dear friend Zerelda Gallego from the El Paso Women’s Network, and we talked about the things that don’t always make it into polished conversations.

Life. Family. Leadership. The seasons that stretch us. The ones that soften us. And everything that lives in between.

This episode isn’t about having all the answers.

It’s about honesty, perspective, and the power of conversations that feel grounding instead of performative.

The kind of dialogue that reminds you you’re human first, leader second.

Episode 9 is one to sit with.

Listen now. 🎙️

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

All right. So welcome back, everybody. Another episode of the podcast. And I'm thrilled to be here on this lovely couch with my friend Zerelda. So welcome. Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_00 0:13

I'm so excited to be here.

SPEAKER_01 0:14

Oh my gosh, are you kidding me? So I love the fact that, and I warned you, um, and I never name names and I never embarrass people on purpose, but I love the fact that when I look at different guests that I've had on the show or different people that, you know, I talked about in the book or on, you know, one of the blogs, kind of the vast array of how these different people ended up part of my life. And so to me, that's like the journey, right? And so I laughed when you reached out last week and I was telling a friend this morning that I was having you on the show, and then, you know, in a couple of weeks I'm gonna be speaking at something with you. And I said it's so funny because I actually met her because her cousin is somebody that was part of my, and I won't say the online, you know, dumpster fire of dating because he didn't make the book, so that's a good thing. Means it was okay. Yes. Um, but I met you through him, right? And so we'd been on a few dates, and I'd never been out to Marfa and Fort Davis and that whole area, and he was like, Oh, I'm from there and I have family out there, and let's go. And then we went for a weekend, and that's how I met you. Which we had a good time, by the way. Oh, it was a blast. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:21

And I need to get back out there because I love it.

SPEAKER_01 1:23

It's so much fun.

SPEAKER_00 1:24

Yeah, so much fun. It's grown so much, and so many new people are out there that they're bringing in new things, and it's just a go-to place.

SPEAKER_01 1:31

Well, and I see you post and do doing things out there. I mean, you're in real estate, and so you're out there for that.

SPEAKER_00 1:37

Yes. Um, but you still have family out there. I I do. I was actually born and raised in Alpine, and my family still lives out there, so um, it's nice to get out there and work and just be productive at the same time.

SPEAKER_01 1:49

Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's both. Yeah. And like the fact that I mean, when I met you, you were there visiting for it, it was a long weekend. Like Labor Day weekend. Something. Okay. And uh, you know, I hadn't been there. I hadn't been to some of the more eclectic restaurants and some of it, like I knew it was very much an art venue. I knew, you know, whatever. But anyway, I love the fact that that's how we met. So thank you to him for introducing the two of us. Yeah, absolutely. Um, talk to me a little bit about kind of that journey. So, born and raised in Alpine, how you kind of made the journey, what brought you to El Paso. Okay. Um, kind of your, I guess, varying stuff as far as what you've done professionally.

SPEAKER_00 2:28

Okay. So I was born and raised in Alpine. I started off really young as a mom. I was 18 when I had my first um I married my high school sweetheart. We stayed married, and I ended up divorcing. Um, a few years later, I met my current husband, my husband now. Yeah. And um, for job purposes, I moved here. Um, we then decided to have a third child, and I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna go into real estate and I wanna do something flexible. Well, we know that's not true when you are you know, hustling. And so um I became a realtor and I was also a teacher, a coach, and up until COVID, I managed all of it.

SPEAKER_02 3:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:08

Um, then I decided, like, what am I doing? You know, um, teaching just wasn't what it used to be, and with COVID, things changed, and so I took the plunge and I started doing real estate full time, and it's been great. Um, I'm a part of Habitat for Humanity, I'm a part of BI. So it keeps me busy, and I'm kind of putting my hands in different, you know, I'm I'm kind of going in a lot of different directions. I'm in, me too.

SPEAKER_01 3:34

Totally different directions, but yeah, I know what that's like. I think we get in our it's almost like a rut because it's a comfort zone, right? And so, you know, it's funny, somebody reached out to me this morning that's a friend actually all the way back from high school.

SPEAKER_00 3:48

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 3:48

And doesn't live here anymore. And she said, I've been listening to all the episodes of the podcast, and she said your episode last week and your conversation about healthcare and where it is and how broken it is. She said, Man, did that resonate in regards to education? She's a teacher. And so the fact that I was healthcare and left that, um, as far as being a full-time operations all the time healthcare, right? And you were education and left that and are doing something different. I think it's funny the parallels. Um, and in speaking to more and more women, um, and I love what you're doing now with the networking, so we'll talk about that a little bit. But I think all of us were kind of raised, and you you you pick your fields and you do the best you can in that field, and that's what you do until you retire at 65. Go through the motions. Yeah. Yes. Um, and I think somewhat similar with you know, you pick a spouse and you do the same with that, and you try to be the best parent or spouse or teacher or nurse or whatever it is. Um, and I think it's really interesting talking to women and seeing that good, bad, or ugly, um, because everybody has their own opinion on it. But I think we as an overall gender, I think are finding our own path kind of more and more. Right. And some of that I joke that I, you know, I say a lot that I think women need to live to 50, right? Remember all of it, and then start over. Um, and I had a friend the other day tell me, hell, no, am I starting this shit over? But the reality is, if man, imagine how you look at things now compared to how you looked at things then. Right. Can't know what you didn't know.

SPEAKER_02 5:30

Right.

SPEAKER_01 5:30

Um, but the choices we make now, I think, come from a much more grounded, centered place. Right. And I think sometimes to the outside looking in, they're like, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_00 5:40

And it's almost like I wish I could just go back and tell myself, yes, believe in yourself. You can do it. Like no matter whatever road you take, just really just be confident, believe in yourself, and do it. Yeah. Because I think like as the world evolves and relationships evolve, we change and we lose ourselves or we find ourselves. And I think that's where I'm at, and like the stage of my life is I'm not, I don't think I've found my purpose, but I think I'm getting close.

SPEAKER_01 6:06

That's awesome. I love that. Well, and I think you touched on it, and I talk about it um in the book and a lot now with coaching clients, where I'm like, that's a thing, men don't lose themselves the same way. Right. Because men, in my opinion, I think that's one of the things that they maybe do a little bit better than us, is figure out maybe what their passion is earlier, their purpose. Um, but they keep the boundaries. And so with us, there is no boundary. Women, we don't do that well.

SPEAKER_00 6:35

Well, I think that's also our mentality is we have to learn how to multitask. Yeah. So we're like, okay, we're this, we're that, but what who are we with? Who are you at the core?

SPEAKER_01 6:45

Yeah. Yep, you've nailed it.

SPEAKER_00 6:46

I think I spoke to a friend not too long ago, and she said that she's an empty nester, by the way. So she said she went to the store for the first time, and that it took her an hour and a half. She's like, Ask me why. I'm like, why? And she's like, because this whole time I, as a mom, have been going to the store for everybody else. Yeah. What my kids' favorite cereal was, what my husband's favorite meat. And now that you know she's divorced and her kids are empty nesters, she's like, I didn't even know what I like. Yeah. She's like, it was the longest house. What do I want to cook to eat? Exactly. It was the longest hour and a half forever. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But I mean, I can relate. Yeah. I can relate 100%.

SPEAKER_01 7:24

I love that example. So I always tell people now you have to be careful. I'll never name you or embarrass anybody in a book or in a blog, but you have to be careful what you say around me because I will pocket it and use it in the future. And I love that one because it's a different example.

SPEAKER_00 7:38

It's an example because it's a learning experience for us. Like, oh gosh, you know what? I'm not divorced. I do still have a kid, but what do I like? Yeah. Like she helped me kind of reflect and be like, okay. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:49

Well, I talk a lot about, and I talked about it in the book. Um, you we lose us. So we lose ourselves to all of our roles. So for me, it was, you know, wife Allie. It was, you know, what is it to date? And what is it to get back out there? And, you know, and I I joke now that I'm like, my perfect partner is somebody that is a foodie because I love to eat, obviously. I love to travel. So they've got to be able to then, you know, willing and and want to travel. Um, going to shows and experiencing concerts and doing all of those things and really having that support person and a partnership, like a companion. Yeah. Yeah. But then they go home.

unknown 8:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:34

I'm like, then I'll see you tomorrow or I'll see you on Friday. Right. And so I laugh because, and who knows? Like I said for a long time I would never get married again. I've learned never say never, but it would have to be unbelievable for me to want to do that again.

SPEAKER_00 8:51

Well, because we're at that age where you know what you want and you know what you don't want.

SPEAKER_01 8:55

Yes. And there's so much power in that. Right. And you're not gonna settle. Yeah. And I think, you know, I said it, in fact, it was just on the episode that posted last Friday, but I talked about the realization that I'd never done the picking, I'd never done the choosing. I'd always been, oh my God, this person likes me. Oh my God, this person wants to date me. And so I would, I would just fall for that. And then when that fizzled, or I realized, like, yeah, no, this person is not for me. Yeah. The ick factor. Yeah. Um, but I think the realization now that, you know, there are certain things I do like and there are certain things I don't like. And had my, you know, 20-something-year-old version of me know, no, I'm I I'm a doer, I'm a goer, I'm a grower. I have that growth mindset. Like I want to do more and do bigger and have an impact. Like I needed somebody that wanted those same things. I didn't, I didn't know that then. I do now. Same. And so, and I love the fact, and I did meet your now current husband. So, yay. Um, and I love that. And you're and Rocco is freaking adorable. But anyway, and he's growing so fast.

SPEAKER_00 10:02

He's a hemple, he keeps me on my toes.

SPEAKER_01 10:03

Yeah, well, that's my AJ. And I remember you and I bonded over that when I met you because you had him with you, and you know, the some of the stuff we were talking about, and I was like, oh my god, that's my kid. I get it. But finding those people that don't judge, right? That are gonna meet you where you are 100%. Um, that are gonna call you crazy when you're crazy and say, I don't know, Zeralda. Do you really think? And you would say, I don't know, Allie, have you really thought that through? Right. But also the people that are gonna say, you know what, dude, freaking go for it. Go for it. I think it'll be fantastic. You can do it and how to support you. You're we're still here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So when you reached out last week, um, and I want to talk a little bit about this latest thing that, and I'll say that you're up to because I love it. Um, but I if you'll share a little bit about kind of how it came to fruition.

SPEAKER_00 10:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 10:51

Um, and I am thrilled. So, and I I don't know the date offhand. I think it's the February 11th. The 11th at 11 30. Yes. Um, and you had me at Tacos, by the way. Yes. But um I can't wait. And they are so good. I cannot wait. Um I'm gonna be there. I'm gonna talk. I'm gonna meet some of these people. Um, it's on Eventbrite, so we'll make sure that we share it and post it as part of the podcast so that it can get out there. Um, but talk a little bit about kind of your first meeting and how that came to fruition and kind of what the drive is or the ambition behind it.

SPEAKER_00 11:24

Okay. So I grew up in a really small town. I've had the same best friend since I was five. Yeah. Literally, we've gone through marriages, divorces, children, that's deaths. No, it is amazing. Um, and so when I moved here, I was really trying to find that, right? Yeah. Um, my Rocco, he goes to a private school. We were at Loretto for, I mean, since he was in kindergarten. Okay. So same moms. So me and another mom for years, we've always talked about starting a woman's group. Okay. You know, um, and it finally kind of came to where we're both in a good place. The kids are a little older where we can really like prioritize it. Um, and the funny thing is, she's the one that owns 1810. Her name is Gabby Dylan.

SPEAKER_01 12:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 12:06

And we hosted our first event. We did a vision board, it was amazing. Um, we actually had a really good turnout that we were kind of encouraged to do a next one and make it even bigger. Yeah. So as we were talking, she's like, you know, we should get this author. You know, she's here in all and I feel so bad because we're friends on social media, we've exchanged messages, and I knew you had a book, our mutual friend Ginger, like we talked about it, but I didn't know the title. Yeah. So she's like, Oh my god, there's this girl, and she's just amazing. She has this book, Airing Out Your Vagina. Yeah. And I'm like, and it clicked, and I'm like, What? Um are you talking about Allie? And she's like, I think so. So I looked you up on Facebook and I saw it, and I'm like, oh my gosh, I've got this. Let me call her. So that's kind of how it happened. Um this women's group is um it's for anybody, really.

SPEAKER_01 13:02

That's the part that I loved. Yes. Like there's other groups, right? There's other, there's executive forum where it's, you know, very professional, kind of leadership driven. There's all these different, you know, B and I is great. It's not women only, but B and I from a business perspective. But I always feel like women can be the best for each other, and we can be the absolute worst for each other. And I feel like, and it's funny because, and I have to give her credit, but Amy, my friend Amy Murrow, she was on one of the podcast episodes, and she had pinged me about doing this. So she's gonna kill me, but I'm gonna make her come to yours. Okay. But she had talked about, and her idea was more about kind of a women's version of like a BI type thing where it was fe very female driven, right? Um, not from a feminist perspective necessarily, just women are just different. We just are. Um, and so she had that idea. And so I think this is kind of your version um of that. So I'm gonna make sure and bring it up. You can join forces the more exactly. Yeah. And so, but that's what I loved about it is it's it's any woman. Right. So you're a mom, you're not a mom. Right. You are stay at home, you have a ridiculous, busy career. It's it's what it wherever you are, you're welcome here.

SPEAKER_00 14:23

Yeah, absolutely. Um, like like you mentioned, if you're if you're not a mom and you want new friends, this is a place. Yeah. Um, we want to create a safe, not a judgment-free um just come as you are. Yes, come as you are. If you are a businesswoman and you're tired of going home and nobody cares to listen to your business and you feel it, come meet other businesswomen that are there. Um, I feel like there's also stay-at-home moms that might just need a little fire. Yeah. Or stay-at-home moms just want to get out and talk to an adult. Some adult time. Yes, because I love staying at home. Yeah. I did, and it's the hardest job. But I also craved that adult interaction. Sure. Not just with my husband, with other women. Yeah. Um, and then I I told you the story that I had this friend and she's a realtor, and she moved to San Antonio. And when she moved, that's when I realized, like, oh my God, she was kind of like my therapist. Like we were each other's therapy. Um, she would listen to me, and it was like, there's things that I can't share with my family, or I can't share with my husband. Because I don't understand. You don't want to hurt them. Or you don't want to put them in a bad position. Like, sure, let's just say I get in a fight with my husband. I'm not gonna call my mom and tell her because I don't want to worry her or have her feel a certain way. So I would call my friend. Yeah. And then it would be fine, and I would vent, and you know, things would be good. Or if it was about work, or if it was, hey, help me with a recipe, help me be creative about this. Um, I want to be somebody's somebody. Yeah. You know, how can I help you? Because eventually we help each other. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:57

Well, I think I always talk and I say it like my person. And I think, you know, I talked about it a little bit on my episode last week, my solo, where I was talking about friendships and how they there's friendships that are gonna ebb and flow, right? There's friendships that are the person that you grew up with that you've stayed best friends with your entire life, um, that that make it. And then there's some that that don't. And so the idea that you have these kind of, I don't want to say different friend groups, but different individuals that are kind of, and I talk about the rings in a tree, or those that are at the core, they know all the nasty stuff. They know the stuff or I have a friend that we joke that, you know, okay, if I ever die, you've got to get rid of the bedside table and delete my phone, like immediately. Run it over, make sure no one gets that phone, no one knows what's in the bedside table. Then you have the friends that, you know, and I joke with them that I say at the funeral, they know that they're gonna, I don't want a funeral. First of all, no one's I don't like people looking at me when I'm alive. I definitely don't want them looking at me when I'm dead. So I joke.

SPEAKER_00 17:00

I mean, I'm a single And have you seen those videos where they like go into the um coffin, they're like, Is that my necklace? Yes, exactly. Yeah, people just go to see. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 17:10

And I'm like, I don't want that, absolutely not. So I joke that it's gonna be a big party and that I want people sharing rid like the most ridiculous stories of their time with me, and that's how I want it to go down. But I joke that, and my poor son, he's 14, but I tell AJ too, like, I want to be burned, but make sure, sure I'm dead. If you burn me alive, I will haunt you until forever. So make sure I'm dead. Um, but then there's that group of friends, like who's gonna be there to make sure you know AJ finishes whatever, or that has that person. And I feel like there's different people in our lives that fill those different roles, but I think as we get older, we realize like there's there's room for all sorts of different relationships with other women. And I think there's so much power in it.

SPEAKER_00 17:57

Most definitely. I have groups that I, you know, prioritize. Um and not because one is more important than the other, but you're right, some we just bond in a different way. But um, I think it's just um, I don't know, I don't even think I'm doing it so much for me, but I'm doing it for somebody else. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:15

Well, because I think when you realize the impact you can have on somebody else, when you realize that by them being able to call you and go for the five minutes and hang up and feel good, yeah, feel better and move on with their day, and you gave them that.

SPEAKER_00 18:30

Yeah. Plus, I don't think I know how to sit still. I'm shocked. No, I don't know how to. I it's just I'm mentally geared to always be doing something. Doing something, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:40

I think for me, um, and a lot of that, there's a difference, right? So there's like achieving goals, and I was always a super goal-oriented person. So I'm like, if that's the goal, I'm gonna find a way to get to right. I'm gonna get that. That's one skill, right? But on the other side of that is the gift of impact or influence. And what I've realized is those are two very different skill sets. Right. Um, you don't necessarily need both if you have both, gold, gold mind, right, um, gold mind, pardon me. But I think when you're able to kind of capitalize on those skills and do it where they work in conjunction with each other, so working towards a goal um with you, with this women's group, it's it's building that community, right? It's giving women somewhere to go where their voice is heard, where they are comfortable, where they feel empowered maybe to do something different or try or just have some me time. Yeah, laugh, have a drink, you know, break loose for a little bit because I feel normal. Yes, I also think that's normal. Well, and I think that's one of those things when I was talking about men don't lose themselves to the role, right? Like men still go to the country club and play golf on Friday with everybody. And um women historically have not been as great at that, and especially as we do get busy, as we do have kids that have all these different things going on. And so finding that kind of core women's group is so critical. Um, you mentioned Ginger, so she's one, actually, she's coming on um in the next few weeks too. That's awesome, but um, she's she's another one that's like always going, yeah, non-stop, always looking for what's the next thing, how can I have a bigger impact, how can I make more of a difference?

SPEAKER_02 20:26

Right.

SPEAKER_01 20:27

Um, so there's the service element, but then there's also that kind of career-driven, you know, what's next for me. Right. And so I think giving, regardless of where these individuals are, giving them a like and you said safe space, but giving them a place to go and interact with other people and have fun and laugh, like I'm all about it.

SPEAKER_00 20:48

Yeah, we had such a good time and there were so many different people there. Um, and when we did our vision boards, it was kind of like we're all the same.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:56

Yeah. So many different uh one one was there to meet friends, one was there because we invited her and she wanted to be supportive of us. Um, we had um a spiritual um person there. I mean, there were so many different people, but yet our boards almost all look the same. Isn't that funny? Yeah, and so it was nice to feel relatable, it was nice to um just have a conversation about anything really. So I'm excited.

SPEAKER_01 21:23

Yeah, well, and I think that's you nailed it from the perspective of the world right now is so divisive. Yeah, gosh, and everything is well, I can't be friends with them because they believe in this, or I can't, you know, they elected this person, or they're you know, they're Catholic and I'm Jewish, or I'm like there's there's always something. Yeah. And I feel like at the end of the day, like you're never gonna agree with somebody on everything, but that doesn't mean you can't have a close friendship. It doesn't mean you can't respect their values and they respect yours and still have an amazing discord. Like that's What I think is missing today. It's either we're exactly the same carbon copies of each other in our beliefs and in the way that we live our lives, or we can't be friends. And so I love the idea of groups like this where none of that shit matters.

SPEAKER_00 22:14

And I feel like that's what people are needing and missing. We we need interaction. We always have our head in our phone. I'm guilty. Yeah. Um, but oh me too. AJ goes, mama. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:23

Not so bad anymore. It's been bad better the last year, definitely. But yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:27

Yeah. And I'm a stickler with my own son and screen time. But yet I do it. And I already have to do it for work. So I I feel like I do. I miss that interaction. I miss pre-COVID days. I miss so just normalizing that. And I also feel like you were talking about how we're goal driven. Sometimes I'm anxiety driven. Yeah. And I feel like this is kind of also a little escape for me where I can just relax, breathe, and just, you know, take it all in.

unknown 22:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:56

Well, because I think we go non-stop all the time. Um, you know, my word for last year was presence because I realized in a split second moment, you know, here I had spent all those years leaving the hospital by 2:30 to pick AJ up from school myself every single day. Never had a nanny, never, you know, had any assistance. I did all of it, um, even as divorced, even as single mom.

SPEAKER_02 23:22

Right.

SPEAKER_01 23:22

Um, and I thought, I am killing it. Best mom ever. And then I realized it'd been maybe a month, and I picked AJ up from school, and he gets in and I'm like, how was your day? And he was like, you know, mama, it's been so nice to get in the car and just talk to you.

SPEAKER_02 23:37

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 23:37

And I looked at him and thank God I had on my sunglasses and I was looking straight ahead because my eyes watered. But I said, AJ, I've picked you up from school. I always pick you up from school. I picked you up from school every day. And he was like, Yeah, but you were usually on a conference call, so I had to just get in and be quiet.

SPEAKER_02 23:52

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 23:52

And I remember, I mean, talk about like a gut-wrenching moment. Here I think I'm killing it because I'm picking him up. I could have sent a cardboard Uber driver to pick him up and would have had the same impact. But I think figuring out how to be present in the moment, and so like literally identifying things. Like I'll lay there, I have this whole thing at night. That's like my nighttime ritual. But I will literally lay there and I'm like, I am in bed with the kid that I love more in the world because half the time he'll still sleep with me. I don't care. Um, the dogs are there, I've got the cat at the foot of the bed. Like, those are the moments that matter, right? Or Thursday night when I pick him up from school and he's hungry and he actually agrees to go get food with me, which never happens. And we sit down, like it's being present in those moments.

SPEAKER_00 24:40

And I think there's this life coach or business coach that's our in our B and I group, and he did say that. I I told him one day, I said, I feel like I just need more time. Yeah. And he said, No, you just need to be present. Yeah. So I was like, Oh, okay. And it's but talk about powerful. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 24:55

And it it took that, and I mean, my son basically word slapped me that day in the car unknowingly. But it took that for me to realize, oh my God, like I'm missing my whole life planning what I'm doing tomorrow. Right. Worried about what's gonna happen with this, that, and the other, who's gonna think this, or what if that. And in that one little short sentence from a then 12, 13-year-old kid was like, whoa, I've got to be present. Right. And so um finding the ability to do that with myself, with the people that I love and I care for um is hard. But making the time and investing in that way is a game changer.

SPEAKER_02 25:36

Right.

SPEAKER_01 25:36

And I think this year, um, you know, I've shared my word as purpose because I feel like, you know, we we get so busy and so caught up in all the things that we want to achieve, and you know, the goal stuff and the anxiety-driven, you know, I've got to be busy all the time, or I'm not, you know, doing enough. And I think for me it was realizing, okay, well, what is my purpose? And so kind of figuring out, like, okay, well, I talk about my why and my why being AJ, and then proving to him. And then I realized, okay, it's proving to him, but it's proving to me that I can build a business by myself with amazing people that are incredibly talented, but I can build something that can support other women in their journey so that maybe they don't have to hit rock bottom before they start climbing. Maybe they don't have to blow up every area of their life all at once to figure out what they're meant to do. And so to me, it's like that's my purpose is proving that you can choose yourself and what's best for you and your family, whatever that family unit is. For me, it's my son and I. But you can choose that, stay on the side of right, and still be incredibly fulfilled and successful. Absolutely. And so for me, when you reached out and were like, would you come talk? I was like, Oh, hell yes, I will. I would love that. And that's I love doing that. And I think the more opportunities I have to speak to other women's groups, especially in sharing some of that. And in really my my mission, I talk about is getting women to retract the cat claws and realize like if we would stop competing with each other and we would collaborate instead, we could literally change the way the world works.

SPEAKER_00 27:26

We want everyone to leave there feeling rejuvenated, feeling motivated, feeling just at peace. Like I got me some me time. Yeah. Um, because I think oftentimes um uh we have our purpose or we might know it, um, but we don't have our vision straight, or the other way around. We have our vision, but we don't really understand the purpose. Yeah. So finding the alignment in that, right?

SPEAKER_01 27:53

So that you you do know your path. And like you said, I think I'm really cl I haven't yet, but I'm real close to finding my purpose. I think it's that's part of that journey. It's that path. Right.

SPEAKER_00 28:03

And I don't want it to be forced, and I don't want people to, well, maybe you should do this. Like I want it to come genuine and I want it to be from me. Real. Yeah. Well, and that's how you know being around other women and being in a group or just um, I think that's gonna be more helpful for me. Yeah. And that's why I'm like, I think I'm doing it more for me than but also to help everyone else. Yeah. But I'm I need to understand me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:26

Well, and I think so often, as especially as career-driven driven women, women that are very involved in their kids' lives, you know, you have a spouse, and so that adds another layer and and dynamic.

SPEAKER_02 28:40

Right.

SPEAKER_01 28:41

Um, but I think often we put ourselves on that back burner. And so it's, you know, our purpose, we'll figure that out. And so one of the things, you know, I have two women friends um that we get together, we try to do, I call it MAA Mondays because our initials um but we try to get together once a week. Usually it's more like every other week or every third week, but it's just the three of us, and we get together, we have happy hour. That's awesome. Um, and we stay way too long and have way too much happy hour. And that's so much fun. But it's amazing. Yeah. And it's funny because I'm, and they'll kill me, but I'm 47. The next one just turned 55, and the other one just turned 65. And so it's literally almost 10 years, and I love it because we're each in a different one, just retired. Okay. Um, one is in a huge pressure environment right now from a work perspective. Um, and then there's me that's like, I'm not sure what the hell I'm doing. I'm totally reinventing myself. Like I went from corporate America to I am not doing that again by choice. Um, but really kind of having that group where some are done raising kids, I'm not done raising kids. They can give me advice on things that I and they look to me for things about new stuff.

SPEAKER_00 30:01

And that's amazing. Do you have a sister?

SPEAKER_01 30:03

I don't. I have, well, I have I have a half-sister who I've always just referred to as my sister. Um, but we grew up, she's 15 years older than me or a little bit more. Um, and we grew up, she grew up in Florida, and so I would see her maybe once a year. And we just never had an opportunity to get super close. So we have the, you know, we do the holiday texts and the what, and I adore her. And I have a niece and two nephews from her. But again, when you see somebody maybe once a year, um, you just you don't have the opportunity. And we were raised very, very differently. Um, and now with you know, some of the stuff with family stuff in my life that's gotten complicated, I don't ever want to put her in a situation where she feels uncomfortable because she knows I'm estranged and that sort of thing. So I wanted to correct myself when I said no, and I love Pam. Um, and it it's funny because I actually she has a so we share a dad. My dad was married when he was very young. Okay. Um, and they got divorced, and then he moved out here and ended up meeting my mom. But then she has another half-sister that they share the mom.

SPEAKER_00 31:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 31:12

And it's hysterical because the other half sister and I are like freaking carbon copies of each other, and we are not related at all. There's no blood relation. Um, but she's spunky and real witty and very um just funny, like and Pam laughs because she's like, Y'all are related. The same. Like, I don't know how I even fit into this, and yet no relation whatsoever. Yeah. So I'll say I have a sister and a half instead of a half sister. How's that?

SPEAKER_00 31:41

I wish I had a sister. No. I don't have a sister. It's hard. It is hard. It's tough. So that's why I do love my friends. That's awesome.

SPEAKER_01 31:49

Well, like I told you, I mean this stuff is fantastic. And I think I really do have, and I say that a lot, I have friends that are my family. So I talk about them being family. Um, but that's it's literal. It's those are the people I'm with on holidays now and whatever, and it's been a big change, but I will also say they're my biggest supporters, and they're also, when needs be, my absolute real talk harshest critics. They will tell you what you don't want. Absolutely. Yeah. And uh one of them, I laugh, Margaret. She she'll say sometimes, yeah. Well, I can't believe you said that about me. You said I'm your harshest critic. And I'm like, hold on. I also said you're my staunchest supporter. Yeah. Like she's, and she is, she's phenomenal. But I I laugh because we all need that. And so many women have these kind of superficial friendships that when the going gets tough, right? You're looking around and they're nowhere to be found. And you know, be a CEO.

SPEAKER_00 32:52

Um you have to be. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:53

Well, because I would much rather you do that than wait till I'm lying in that casket and you're looking at me, going, She should have never worn that collar lipstick.

SPEAKER_00 33:00

And I'm gonna be like, is that my necklace? Right? You're gonna rip it off me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:04

So I wanted to ask you, and this is, and I'll word it a little bit differently every time, but I'm trying to kind of stick with one question, and especially as women, right? Like we're we're raised a certain way and we're taught certain things. And so one of the things that I'm trying to ask each guest is what is one belief that, and I call myself Ally OG and Ally 2.0. Okay. So I'm Ally 2.0 now. Okay. But what is one belief um that OG Zeralda had to either come to terms with or let go of or disprove to herself, however you want to look at it, to get to where you are now in the process of getting to where you want to be. Does that make sense? Yes.

SPEAKER_00 33:47

Okay. Um, so I would say I'm still working on it, but I feel like it's okay to be a mom and do for yourself. Yeah. It's okay. Whether it's self-care, whether it's networking, whether it's getting out with your friends once every three weeks, it's okay. Yeah. Um I have an issue. What did we say? A self-inflicting issue. Self-inflict. I just I I feel so guilty doing things like that. And I think it's because I've been a mom so long. Yeah. You know, like my friend, she went to the store an hour and a half. Yeah. Um, I feel like I'm I'm working on it. I'm working on it's okay to, you know, have some downtime and not rush back home to make dinner. It's okay. Nobody's gonna starve. Yeah. You know, it's okay to um go to a movie if I want to bomb myself. Like it's mom guilt is a real thing.

SPEAKER_01 34:40

It is real. And I think there are men that have dad guilt, it's not the same thing. It's uh, and I'm not saying it's lesser than, it's just different. From the perspective of women, I think we self-inflict it. We feel like we have to do for everyone else all the time. Yes, and then if there's anything left over, do for us. Right. And I think that level of mom guilt is something, it's different.

SPEAKER_00 35:07

And I feel like it can go in so many ways, not just being a mom. Like I had a I have a hard time saying no. Yeah. And so now at the age that I am, where I'm at, and the fact that I am kind of making a choice to give, you know, give myself some time. Um it I can't say no, but I'm working on it. I'm working on it. Um, everything was yes until I'm wearing myself thin and I'm going everywhere and I'm stressing out, and for what? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:34

One of the things for me is that I realized, and you hear people all the time, knows a complete sentence. Mm-hmm. Well, it wasn't for me. I didn't know how to say it. And so I would say no and then a thousand excuses. And then I went through a phase where I just said yes to everything because it was easier than me trying to figure out how to say no. But what I realized was, and I'm saying this because maybe it'll help you a little bit. I'm still working on it myself. But what I realized is when I say yes to everything, I water myself down to a point that I'm not nearly as effective or good for all the people I'm saying yes to as I would be if I filtered down the yeses. Right. And so what I find in myself is yes, I'll do that. Yes, I'll join you, yes, I'll go to that. And then what do I do? I end up canceling. And so then I realized that's even worse than if I had just said no in the first place. And so I don't know. But I think, yeah, mom guilt, I love that. And it is something I think if they're being honest, I think all women um go through phases of that. Whether you decide to go off and climb a mountain and you know, you're gonna do that, and you've got kids at home, or I'm gonna go off and I'm gonna be a CEO of a different market, and so I travel half the time. Or, you know, I whatever it is, we all have a certain degree of that, but I love the focus on that.

SPEAKER_00 36:53

Yeah, I think what's helping me is I'm starting to have boundaries. Yeah, imagine that. Yeah, what a word. I know, I know, I know. So I I think I'm I'm still working, you know, we're we're compromising, um, where I'm like, yes, but yeah, and um I've never had those.

SPEAKER_01 37:11

Yeah. Well, I say I joke in the book, and I I won't quote it because I don't know exactly how I say it, but along the lines of I couldn't get mad at other people for crossing my boundaries because I didn't tell them I had boundaries. Yes, because I didn't know what the fuck a boundary was. Right. And I think again, that idea of if we could just live to 50 as women and then start over with all that knowledge, I mean, my god, it'd be a completely different experience.

SPEAKER_00 37:35

I know I kind of love I I'm embracing age, I'm having a hard time because I'm I'm gonna be fifty two years, I'm gonna be 48 in May.

SPEAKER_01 37:42

Okay, well, I'm 47, I'll be 48 in October, so whatever.

SPEAKER_00 37:45

So I'm accepting it, but I love that we're at that age where people still think we're young. Yeah, and then people think we're older. Yeah, you're on that, we're on that middle drill. And I I told my husband's aunt, um, do you like this? And and I said, I feel like it's Sunoda vibes. And she's like, Well, you are a Sonyoda, and I'm like, Oh, you're right. Excuse me. You're kind of right. You're kind of right.

SPEAKER_01 38:08

Yeah, but you can get away with that and still make it look younger, right? You can bring that, and you can also wear the one that you think, I don't know, is this a little too young? I don't know. Like we're in that weird space.

SPEAKER_00 38:20

Yeah, I love it. My favorite people get so annoyed that I love the Kardashians. My kids call me Zardashian, but I love them, and I love them because they they remind me of my family. We all have opinions, we all fight, we all love each other, and we all support each other. But my favorite quote that she put, um, it was her birthday and she was jump roping. And she's like, I'm tired of people saying, Oh, Kim, why don't you act your age? And she's like, I don't know, I've never been this age before. That's brilliant. That's I know I love it because you are. I'm learning as I go. And you are as old as you act. You don't who says you have to act a certain age? Yeah, you know, I call bullshit. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:58

Be yourself, yes, be real, be true to you, yeah, and enjoy it. Because this, this here we are, and every year that passes, that's one of the things I I mean, my gray is crazy. The wrinkles, the stuff, and I look at it, I agree. I feel like how many women are no longer here that would give anything to be here with maybe more wrinkles and more gray hair or more fat than they would want on them, but they'd give anything to still be here.

SPEAKER_02 39:29

Right.

SPEAKER_01 39:30

And so I refuse to shrink myself or feel lesser than or say, Oh, well, I'm too old for that, and I'm too old for that. No, I'm gonna live the way I want to live and be who I am for the women that never got the opportunity to do it.

SPEAKER_00 39:45

And you know what I love that? And I want to tell people that. Yeah, I want to tell other women. We have um agents in our office that are younger, and you know, they're they're starting off. Some of them are young moms. Um, and I want to tell them, like, keep going. Yeah, don't give up. And if someone says no, don't, because two years is gonna come like this, yeah, then four, then six. So that's definitely another goal in mind when we start this women's group is um well, now that we have, yeah, but um, I want to keep going and just be that positive influence for younger girls too.

SPEAKER_01 40:18

Well, and I love that because if you have somebody, you know, you talk people talk a lot about having a mentor or whatever. Like professionally, I worked for a lot of people I knew I never wanted to be anything like. Right. That's how I develop my leadership style is I don't ever want to make somebody feel the way you just made me feel. So I'm never gonna act like that. Exactly. I think as moms and as as women, as we get older, if we don't surround ourselves with the right people, it's real easy to become that old bitter lady in the corner that's judging everybody. And why do you I have a story and you know, and then we'll wrap it up. But I um I had learned a lot about kind of shadow work, right? And like triggers, and people often, oh, that's so triggering to me.

SPEAKER_02 40:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:57

Well, when you really look at it, what's triggering you is something in them about you that you don't like. Exactly. And so I had done a lot of work with that, and I was at a a leadership, I think it was Leadership America, so women's leadership group. And it was graduation day, and it was the last day, and this this woman stands up and she's wearing a very short skirt, and it was, I mean, it was short. And my first thought was, oh my god, like you're in a women's group and you're wearing, and I went, what the hell is wrong with me that I'm triggered by her? And I thought, because I'd kill to have those legs. That's what it is. It's not her, it's not that her skirt is too short, it's that I'm jealous because my legs don't look like that. Right. And it was it sounds so stupid and so kind of low brain function level moment, but it was eye-opening to me.

SPEAKER_00 41:52

I don't think it's stupid. I think, like you said, women are we are our worst critics. Oh, by far. And I feel like that is amazing of you to self-reflect and say that and and hold yourself accountable. You're like, okay, girl, get it together. Well, and I because we all have those moments. You just you said it and you acknowledged it.

SPEAKER_01 42:11

A lot of us don't Yeah, and aren't even aware.

SPEAKER_00 42:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:14

So I go over, we're going over to Stan in this picture, and I end up right next to her, and I told her, I'm coming back in my next life with your legs. And she looked at me and she was like, Oh my god, she said, Thank you so much. I've been so uncomfortable all day because I thought, oh my god, this dress is so short. And I started laughing. And I told her, I said, We're all judging ourselves and each other all the time. Right. But it was such it for me, it was the the fact that I noticed it in the moment. I reflected on what the hell is my problem that I would even think that. Then I complimented her on it, only to find out she'd been over there dying all day, self self-destructive and insecure. And I I think it was such a clarifying moment for me about women and how we are, because we think these things about other people while also thinking them and degrading ourselves. Like we're our own worst critics, and then we do it to each other too. So if we can pause in the moment and kind of take it back and go, you know what? Again, do I love my legs? No, but you know what? There's a woman that would give anything to be here with my legs. Right. And so my legs have taken me everywhere I've needed to go thus far, and I hope they hang in there for many years to come. Yes. Um, but having groups like this, I think is where when you say you want to keep spreading that, you want people to leave empowered people feeling younger women have to be. And I want them to come back and look at it.

SPEAKER_00 43:36

I want them to look forward to it. I want them to be excited. It's groups like this. Yes. So and so we have you, and I'm so excited to have you. Um I can't wait to hear what you have to say. I can't wait to see everyone else um totally engaged. And we do have a couple of vendors that are coming. Awesome. Um, so it'll just be a fun Galantine experience.

SPEAKER_01 43:54

Well, like I said, I'm flattered. I'm so grateful to have been asked, and I can't wait because this is so My thing. I know. I'm so excited. Awesome. Well, we're gonna definitely tag it so the information will be there. Um, so everybody can find it, and I'll be posting stuff on socials and whatever. Yay! And until then, um, I'll see you when I see you. Yeah, for sure. All right, see you soon. Thanks, guys, for joining um very much, and we will see you again next week.