1% Better Every Day: Financial Wellness and Resilience Habits with David Gillis | 088

What makes some people freeze when things get tough, while others rise to the occasion? In this episode, I chat with David Gillis, a former U.S. Air Force officer and the owner of Spark Financial Wellness, about making tough choices, staying financially healthy, and how to improve by just 1% every day.

David uses military-level precision to help people manage stress, boost their decision-making, and perform when it really counts. We explore why we sometimes get stuck in analysis paralysis, the fight-or-flight-or-freeze response, and why there are often more than one good way to solve a problem (even if it doesn't seem that way).

We also talk about:

• How to prioritize when everything feels urgent
• The difference between reversible and irreversible decisions
• Building systems that reduce financial stress and anxiety
• Why past, present, and future thinking matters for your money
• Living in the moment instead of waiting for some mythical retirement
• David's upcoming 1% Better Conference for us looking to better ourselves!

If you've ever felt stuck making a decision, overwhelmed by your to-do list, or paralyzed by financial stress, this conversation will help you move forward with clarity and confidence.

Contact Chris:

https://heavymetal.money

https://www.facebook.com/MoneyHeavyMetal

https://x.com/MoneyHeavyMetal

https://www.instagram.com/chrisluger

https://www.tiktok.com/@heavymetalmoney

email: chris at heavymetal.money

Connect with David:
sparkfinancialwellness.com

https://www.sparkfinancialwellness.com/conference

Resources and Links:

Thinking in Bets: Making Smarter Decisions When You Don't Have All the Facts 

by Annie Duke

https://a.co/d/3wKr18P

Atomic Habits: An Easy and Proven Way to Build Good Habits and Break Bad Ones

by James Clear

https://a.co/d/bVEqK3h

75 HARD IS A TRANSFORMATIVE MENTAL TOUGHNESS PROGRAM.

https://andyfrisella.com/pages/75hard-info

https://onepercentbetterspeakersconference.com

https://www.sparkfinancialwellness.com

The Checklist Manifesto: How to Get Things Right

by Atul Gawande

https://a.co/d/eNzDylE

Start with why -- how great leaders inspire action | Simon Sinek | TEDxPugetSound

https://youtu.be/u4ZoJKF_VuA?si=gVxg-WEtOZ1jZgGk

https://campfi.org

https://economeconference.com

https://finconexpo.com

Contact Chris:
https://heavymetal.money

https://www.instagram.com/heavy_metal_money/

https://www.youtube.com/@heavymetalmoney

https://www.facebook.com/chrisluger

email: chris at heavymetal.money

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Let's spark financial wellness and get 1% better every single day. Today on the show, I'm super excited to be joined by David Gillis, a former U.S. Air Force officer and a mission-driven leader. From running high consequence operations for the government to teaching thousands of people how to make better decisions under pressure, David brings military grade precision to financial wellness, to leadership, and human performance. Now the owner of Spark Financial Wellness, David helps people cut stress, turbine decision making, and get 1% better every single day, on purpose. So this is a really great conversation. I'm excited to talk about discipline, intention, money, leadership, and uh how to perform when it really matters. So let's buckle up and listen to David. David, how's it going, man?

SPEAKER_01 0:56

It's great, Chris. Thanks for having me. I'm so excited to be here with you. And I know we've known each other for quite a few years now, and we kind of kind of crossed paths multiple times. So yeah, I'm glad to be here. Awesome.

SPEAKER_00 1:08

Awesome. Thank you so much, man. Yeah, you I remember one of the first times we met, and you were talking about kind of your uh your a little bit of your backstory, you know, what you did. And I think it takes a special kind of person to work in those high pressure environments. So I guess what are some of the first things uh we would think about if we need to make decisions under pressure, right? If we have deadlines, we may have consequences that may happen, is it this or that? What are some of the things uh we should think about or that we should, I guess, uh I I don't want to say analyze because sometimes I overanalyze, but what are some of the things you think about when uh people need to make those high stake decisions?

SPEAKER_01 1:56

Yeah, I think in regards to decision making, there's so many different challenges that we we we put so much pressure on ourselves to make the the best decision for the that time, but there's so many different right decisions. There's so many different uh ways and paths that we can go in life. I think it's really about just thinking about how much time do you have or how important that decision is. A lot of decisions, if you you can reset and start over again and and change that decision later. I think that it some decisions are irreversible, and those obviously you want to take some more time about and think about like what you're doing and what and which what which path you're taking. I would say that is very far, a few between. There's so many decisions that are that you can just say just pivot and just kind of learn. I think it's what life's about, is about that those pivots and learning and getting better. And I will say I've definitely fallen in the trap of the paralysis by analysis, and like you've talked about, uh just kind of uh overanalyzing things. And I'm a very analytical and kind of left brain, and and but there's on the other extreme, there's the impulsive side, the people that are just kind of jumping with two feet first without looking to see where they're jumping. I think there's a balance though. It's about like how important is it versus how much time you have, and kind of think through like just there's so many different paths in life that we can take, and too often we get too stuck and think that we have to make the exact perfect right decision in that moment.

SPEAKER_00 3:20

Right, right. So in those high consequence environments, I guess what separates people who kind of freeze right from from those people that actually do perform and and show up and make a decision. And maybe even like, yeah, I mean, I guess what what is that that thing that kind of separates those two people?

SPEAKER_01 3:39

I will say we we've all been in those situations where we have the fight or flight and we're just gonna freeze is the third piece of that. And we've all been there, I think, in in this difficult situation. And I will say it's it's not like you are inherently good at that to begin with. You're it's something that you can learn, you can get better at. And if you see somebody around you that maybe freezes, it's maybe just asking questions to kind of pull them out of it or ask them how they feel or what's what's confusing. So there's ways of looking out for yourself. Just tell look pr say preempt that by talking to those around you and saying, hey, uh sometimes I have a difficult time making that decision. So just help me in this situation so you can preempt that and be proactive and not wait to those critical situations. And I mean there's the whole piece that uh like we all kind of criticize ourselves and we we think that we have to make that that right decision. And I think it's about understanding and being proactive and looking out for when things are gonna go wrong. Because what's the, as they say, the definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again, expect a different result. Right. So if you have struggle with something, talk to those around you and help those that support you and look out for your triggers that can lead you down the wrong path.

SPEAKER_00 4:55

Sure. Yeah, I mean you mentioned something there too that there may be uh several right answers. And I I had recently listened to a book and it was interesting because so many times we we kind of get stuck because we're thinking about should I do this thing or that thing? And we fail to kind of stop and say, Well, how can I do this and that? Right? We there may be several uh right answers to get there. You know, me like like many people, we often have uh so many decisions we need to make uh throughout the day, throughout the week. When when we get that sense that everything feels uh urgent, right? Everything feels urgent, uh typically how do you uh help people decide what actually deserves our attention and which is just kind of noise?

SPEAKER_01 5:46

That's a good question. Like what uh what is truly important when you think about your life? And there's the people talk about doing a to-do list. To-do lists are great, and I'm I'm very pro to-do list, but the challenge with to-do lists are they aren't prioritized. So if you have a to-do list and you saying, okay, if I can only do two of these today, what am I going to do? What's most important? Or obviously family and your friends and your mental health. There's so many different things that it's we can think through ahead of time that we need to prioritize. And I think we don't think about that enough. We we react to situations, and that's it's important in figuring out how to react and learn how to react, but you can preempt that, you can be proactive. And I'll say I in general, I've always been more of a kind of an introvert, like the quieter guy. The I was a kid on the bus growing up who didn't talk. And I was very uncomfortable, and I I'm not sure if it's social anxiety or there's layers to it. Uh, but now just I decided that I'm going to start going to Toastmaster clubs and trying to those speech clubs. And I just threw myself into that for a while. And and it's about learning, it's about being around those that can help you. And I think you made a good point about the there's so many different right paths we just talked about. Yeah, there's a book I just listened to not too long ago, it was Annie Duke's Thinking and Bets. And she's a professional poker player. I love that. I love that book, yeah. Well, she's she's great, and I've I remember watching her when I used to kind of watch professional poker all the time and dream of going to the World Series of Poker. Uh, but it's she said there's like you can have the best starting hand uh against the worst starting hand, like pocket aces versus 2-7 off suit in a a game of poker or or in a Texas hold'em, and you're still gonna only win about three-fourths of the time, like 72% of the time you're gonna win. But you're gonna lose to the worst hand a lot. But it's about making the best decision in that moment with the information you have and the time you have. And it's not beating yourself up about it either. I think that's the challenge is we we kind of think that we are gonna make the 100% solution answer every time. But we're we're not perfect, we're human. I think that's the challenge of giving ourselves some grace.

SPEAKER_00 8:01

Sure, sure. No, I like that a lot. You know, you mentioned something that it was funny you mentioned, oh, you're an introvert and you never talk to anybody on the bus, and now here you are coaching people on how to how to tell stories and stuff, which is so great. You know, let's back up a little bit and and talk a little bit about your your story, right? So let's talk a little bit about, I guess, go all the way back. I guess let's start with the Air Force, right? So you you were there. What did that teach you about accountability? And then as you move through your path, what led you all the way down to like coaching people how to do TED Talks and that type of thing?

SPEAKER_01 8:42

I learned so much in the military. There's it's I will say it's it's not for everybody. There's a lot of movements and you're moving jobs and moving locations every few years, and it can be a challenge. But I met so many wonderful people and learned so much. And a lot of what I learned in my career field and in missiles in the Air Force, it was about those checklists, about being organized and prepare for things and and kind of prepping yourself for those difficult situations. And it's really about community also. It's about looking out for each other. I mean, we would move from North Dakota to Wyoming, and we went through some difficult things and like we had some debt, and then I got married and ended up having my daughter up there, and then we moved, and so my wife didn't have a job, and then she s develops I started having seizures and started getting a difficult situation where she were trying to figure that piece out. And it was just a very scary situation in life when you your loved one is is having a grandma's seizure. Uh and it was, I mean, everything stops when something like that happens. And you talk about priorities. There's only priority in my life was at that moment was calling 911. And that's what life's about, about okay, what truly is your priority? And I mean, we worked through things and we've kind of gotten gotten better and kind of resolved some of those issues. Uh, and then but it I mean it led to a lot of debt and other issues and led me to, as we got out of the Air Force and r retired, is finding the the I see I honestly initially I found Dave Ramsey in in regards to money. He's about trying to get out of debt, and I like that the prioritized system of kind of his baby steps. Some of the things I don't like necessarily, but I think there's a lot to be learned from anything you you look look into. So it was that and then that that pivoted to I felt out of place when I left the military. Felt like I didn't know what was going on or so used to just regimented you I'm told where to go. And honestly, it was a lot of reactive uh thinking. It was we had to be in a lot of situations. And I decided I didn't want to be that kid on the bus that didn't talk any. And it wasn't like I didn't want to talk, I I did want to talk, and I was just it was just uncomfortable. And I knew that I was I was an introvert introvert, and I had taken all that personality test, and so I was very all the way on one side, introvert. And then I said, okay, well, I can I still have I can need to talk to people on small groups or big groups, and which led me to taking to going to some Toastmaster speech clubs, threw myself into that, and then I started teaching programs to military and others about ways to improve performance and minimize mistakes. That's what led to those 5,000 some people have taught in the last 10 years about learning, about getting better, and that really ingrained in me the that the self-awareness and that critical thinking about we all are different and aren't in a different path in life. And I think that's so important to recognize that you've had a different path than I have, and we've all had a different path and different background and good and bad things that are in our past that created who we are, those moments. And that led me to teaching a class when somebody from local TED Talks was in one of the different kind of presentations I was doing on communication, and then that led me to helping them out, and then then I've been a speaker coach for the last say five, six years now with local TED Talks as a volunteer. And just so many different amazing people in the TED community. So that's it's about the creating your own moments and connecting people with their own ideas. TED Talks aren't about I've done it so you can too. It's about, okay, what's an idea worth spreading? I think we all have ideas worth spreading that we don't think about and don't uh let's say don't put enough weight on, and we can minimize our experiences. Like from teaching or coaching those, from an orchestra conductor to somebody with dementia to somebody who's 18 years in prison, to a say a biologist to a doctor teaching improv comedy. Uh, I've taught so many a variety of people doing amazing things, and I think it's about being there for others and helping them be the best version of themselves, which I love to do. I love to connect people themselves and love to connect people with the community.

SPEAKER_00 13:09

Wow, what a what a remarkable story. That's awesome. What is, I mean, you mentioned about telling the story um, you know, these these speakers. Is there a powerful story that you've seen? You mentioned just a few of them there, but a powerful story that you've seen someone tell themselves that has completely changed your trajectory or that has really stuck with you, right?

SPEAKER_01 13:36

There is. There's somebody who I didn't even mention there, with somebody who is a PhD in behavioral health at local boys town, this person, Dr. Freiman, he talked about during his TED Talk, he was late for an appointment. He was driving there, he was in the left turn lane, and the he was behind another car, and the light turned green, and that car didn't turn. And he was getting frustrated, he was late, he was anxious, and and then when the light turns yellow and the light turns red, and the car still didn't move. So then it happens again. That light turns green and that car doesn't move, and he's honking and he's anxious and just kind of struggling. It's like, why isn't she moving? And and he and he gets out of his car, goes up there, and there's a woman in in there, and she says, her baby in the back seat is not breathing. Everything just stops in that moment and you're like, okay, what can I do to help this woman and help this baby? I mean, that's what life's about that baby in the back seat. We all have a baby in the backseat. We all have something that others can't see. And there's a saying that we judge others based on their actions, we judge ourselves based on our intentions. We do. Wait, let's say that again. That was awesome. Say it again. We judge others based on their actions. We judge ourselves based on our intentions. I meant to do that. I was gonna do that, or I should have done that, or here's why I didn't do that, or did do that. But we don't see that in others. We don't realize. And uh, I mean, I fall in that trap too. I'm driving, and I may say some choice words, and I don't I need to calm myself down sometimes, but it's everybody is so focused on themselves, which is natural, inherently we are all selfish because if it doesn't affect us, we typically don't take action or do anything. I mean, it that's human nature. But if we can get out of that framework and that and think about others and what is their baby in the backseat, what do they have going on? And then we can be there for others. And there's there's also that story about the like that you put an oxygen mask on in an emergency situation uh during an airplane. You need to put that on first before you help others. But I think too often we put our oxygen mask on, and then we sit there, read a book, and we don't do anything, we we wait forever and we don't help others. I say, yes, you need to take care of your mental health, you need to take care of what's going on in your life and get your money situated and organized, and but there's so much we can do for others also.

SPEAKER_00 15:58

And that is such a powerful wow. That is crazy. That is crazy. Um, I was getting goosebumps, man. You talking about that. It's so awesome. You know, you mentioned about how you really you really do like to help people be the best version of themselves. And one thing that I love is that you really you really like to to follow this one percent better philosophy. And you know, it it sounds pretty simple, right? Like, like how can I be one percent better every day? But truthfully, most people kind of fail at that. It's it's it's hard because we you know, most of the time we look at these giant, big, audacious goals, and it's super hard, and we fail to kind of break it down to that simple of a uh of a step. Where do you think most people do like overcomplicate the the the process?

SPEAKER_01 16:51

I think, like you said, the those big hairy audacious goals, as they say, the people get overwhelmed with those big goals. And I I like big goals and I've run marathons in my life and done major things, but I've also failed at things and made mistakes. I think there's a saying about how do you eat an elephant? It's one bite at a time. But I don't know why I'm eating an elephant, but uh, think that's something to just uh think about how can I break this down to small pieces. And it's also about grace. It's about giving yourself grace to make mistakes. And it's something that we don't always do and we we get overwhelmed and we think we need to do we need to be efficient and we need to be productive. Sometimes you need to step back and look out for yourself and take a walk and uh kind of catch your dog or whatever it is, I think maybe you need to kind of step back and not think you have to be efficient every second of the day. But there's also perfect, right? It's like about progress, not perfection, right? Yeah, exactly right. It's about kind of slow progress, it's about incremental improvement as the the concepts go with 1% better every day, as James Clear kind of kind of uh popularized in his book. And it's about what are some things I can do today, what are some things I can do tomorrow? And okay, not beat yourself up about those difficult situations and okay, think about what are two things I can do today to move toward where I want to be in life. And and I have I I tried to do that 75 hard that kind of workout kind of a it's a 75 straight days of doing, I don't know, eight straight eight things uh from working out to reading a kind of a kind of a professional development book to uh drinking water. It's it's many different things, and I I failed at it, and I just can't do those every day. But uh it led me to create, I love a list of twelve daily things I I want to do, and to see how many of those I can do every day. And I've been doing it for about three years now. It's just on a Google Sheet now. It's about from reading to drinking water to exercising to trying to meditate to being there for others or or reaching out to others. And it's about uh kind of moving forward, but not like progress, not perfection, like you said. And give yourself that grace to make a mistake, but look out for those triggers or things that can make things difficult, like setting out your clothes, your workout clothes the night before before you're gonna work out the next day. It's about cutting out that chaff that can slow us down and kind of impede things and go to somewhere that you can not have all those things that are pulling you in a different direction and kind of get ri go down the house or uh get rid of those extra things, put the phone to the side. Right.

SPEAKER_00 19:40

Right. Yeah, I've actually just recently, you know, I've started doing that this year, and I start I put my my walking shoes like right like next to the treadmill, so I I can't miss them. They're right there. It's really easy to put them on, right? And so hopefully I can I can still uh keep going for uh for the rest of the year and forever, right? That's the plan. That's the plan. Um and because because you are are kind of following this one per 1% better philosophy, and I love that you've kind of found those 12 things that you're continually doing, but this led you to create, and um, I'm really excited about this. You have something called the 1% better conference. Go ahead and tell people a little bit about where this came from, how this brainchild kind of materialized, and a little bit of what people can get from this type of conference.

SPEAKER_01 20:38

Yeah, so they it's kind of been in my head for maybe five years now for for a while. I've been thinking about something, how do I do something like this? And and like I say, that everyone has things going on and difficult situations, and and I think what's really helped me is community. It's about putting myself around others that are doing great things. And so I think from the financial independence community, which is an amazing community, all the different events I've been to around the country, and then I run my local choose if I Nebraska group to bringing people together to the the TED Talks, and that kind of combined together along with that human factors training I've been doing for the last 10 years, about thinking we all have something that we can move toward and that move toward better. And I say everyone has something to learn and everyone has something to teach. And I think that's what life's about. Because I mean we think you need to come to a situation where I need to learn, I need to get better, but not minimize my experience and you as a podcaster or going to to Podfest or whatever it is, I think it's about creating that. And I wanted to bring people together to kind of think about how they can get better. And so all these amazing people I've met through the financial independent independence community to the TED Talks. Uh so I've wanted to bring those people together to just talk about those topics and money is a is a part of it, but As we know, money is not everything. And it's about resilience and communication and decision making. And I wanted to create something like that. And my vision is to how do you get better internally, 1%? And how do you make the world around you better by 1%?

unknown 22:15

Interesting.

SPEAKER_01 22:15

So it's not just about yourself. It's about what can you do and how do you go toward the difficult situations? And how do you kind of learn and get better? And I I'd say that there's something that really impacted me in life, and is being, I'd say we were closer to financial independence, and we had a job that was kind of very flexible. And a friend of mine called and said he was going into hospice. And it was, he's my best friend from growing up from third grade in a different state. And I talked to my wife and pretty much dropped everything and went back there to Kentucky to be with him during this final time, this final few weeks. And I say, I didn't know what I could do, but I wanted to be there. And I think that's what life's about. It's about being there for others, about helping them with our oxygen mask. And it's about helping others. And that's what I love to do is love to connect people with themselves and with those around them and what can they do to improve. And I look forward to this event coming up and then multiple events in the future about bringing people together, because I don't have all the answers. You don't have all the answers, but together we are stronger. And I think that's so important. And I want to create something around that.

SPEAKER_00 23:30

Wow. That is just amazing. So this is the first. I'm trying to think this if this drops, there'll still be time. So where is this conference and how can people get more information about it?

SPEAKER_01 23:41

Yeah, it's so it's February 21st and 22nd in Omaha, Nebraska. It's the 1% better conference, is the name of it. So it's on my website, sparkfinancial wellness.com. And you can get uh$50 off with the Spark50 discount code. And I think there's I think just by bringing a community together, I've got say seven speakers, but it's I want it to be so positive and I want too there's too much negative in the world. I think we've all seen so many different layers of that, that I want to create a positive environment to connect with others and connect with yourself.

SPEAKER_00 24:15

That that's awesome. I'm excited. I I'll be there as well. I'm I'm again, I I'm always trying to, I'm always trying myself to get 1% better. I like how you kind of spun it too. Like, how can I make the world one percent better too? That's that's awesome. I absolutely love that. You know, I want to talk a little bit about, you know, we you mentioned the community around the financial independence community. You talked about how you've helped so many others with uh with their, I guess, personal finances, right? You run Spark Financial Wellness, right? How to make really good decisions about saving, investing, earning, right? I guess what has what has, I guess, is there some specific thing from the military that you took with you in your personal finances or something you carry over when you're helping others? You know, is it is it the discipline piece or is there something that you took from the military that helps you in that personal finance space?

SPEAKER_01 25:17

I'll say there's two things I can think of at the top of my head. One is like we were so checklist oriented and checklist, like there's a great book, the checklist manifesto, and it's about the medical community and it's about how can they can organize things and keep things in order. Because you are gonna you you do the same similar things over and over again. So how can I look out for those choke points or things that can go wrong? And that's not just about being organized and step by step, but a part of those steps are hey, make the whoever is in the room, they all are expected to speak up if something's going wrong. It's the tech or the nurse or whoever's in that room is going to step up and speak up. That's really what I learned about the military. It's about the critical thinking. It's about, okay, thinking through what is going on and how can I help and being organized and being proactive and having those checklists ready to go so you can react to the situation. The second thing is community. I mean, we were constantly moving, going to different locations, and there was some different spouses groups that helped my wife. There's the job I'm moving into. There people expect others to move quite often in the military. So it's something that we weren't on an island, and it's something that, I mean, that's really what I took out of it is that when I left the military, it was about what communities do I want to be around. There's a JFK quote, the rising tide lifts all boats. And it's about being around others that can lift you up and not tear you down. And it's about how are you lifting up others? And there's something I I like to do periodically. I'll try to remind myself to I'm going to reach out to five random people I've known over the years and from either Facebook Messenger or texting and just say, hey, how are you doing? What's going on? I love that. And it's led me to so many great conversations and a friend who I didn't realize is is doing pretty bad medically, and others, I mean, it's and people are doing great things too, and it's about being each other's cheerleaders. So I think that's what military has led to me to is that the the being organized and ready to go, but also being there for others that were going through difficult situations. Awesome.

SPEAKER_00 27:25

Is there is there something that you had to unlearn? Like there's something that was kind of like, you know, now that you're not, when you left service, it was kind of like uh you know you mentioned a little bit how you're kind of looking for things, you're kind of lost a little bit, but was there something you had to unlearn just to be a civilian?

SPEAKER_01 27:43

It's there's quite a bit in the fact that you're not told what to do and where to be all the time. And I think yeah, there's it's a lot of react to status and react to the situation and being and trying to figure out how to be resilient in those situations. And I it was a huge pivot for me. It's like I I need to be more proactive. And I was out of it felt like I was out of control and I didn't know what to do and which path to take. Like we talked about decision making. It was like, what is the right path? And there's no one right path. There's but there's a vision of where you think you need to be. And if you keep moving slowly, incrementally every day toward that vision, I think I really pivoted to being much more proactive. And I'll say, I don't even know if I was truly an introvert before or just is the anxiety or many different layers to it. And I'll say life isn't perfect now, and it's it's about constantly looking out for myself and looking out for others, but it's the pivot to being proactive. I think that I think set me on a much better path of where I can take have more control over things and being like from getting better in front of a group talking to beginning better with money to get better being there for others. I think that's what changed for me.

SPEAKER_00 29:04

Right on, right on. Speaking about kind of being out of control, many people feel that they're out of control with their finances. Right? So, you know, is there why do so many, and this is kind of crazy, right? Because we know that so much of personal finance is driven by behavior or emotion. It's less about the numbers. Uh why do you think so many smart people, right? They're capable of making good decisions, but they avoid taking ownership with their financial lives, or they keep making poor financial decisions. Why do you think that is?

SPEAKER_01 29:43

I think we've all been through things in life. There's moments, there are people in our lives that created who we are, good and bad. And I think many people don't have those around them to show them a better way. And I think we need to be there to show others a a better way. And it's there's a lot of shame that comes into around money. And I said we had tons of debt, and it was it I was not we're not great with money throughout the my military career. And it was it wasn't until after that I we tried to figure out how can we get out of debt and how can we move toward better. I like that saying, we can all move toward better. What did better look like to you? And that was the struggle of that being out of control. And that's why I like so much about the the financial independence community. There are many people in other communities that judge, and there's uh there's a saying that Teddy Roosevelt quote, comparison is a thief of joy. We compare ourselves to others. I should be here, I should be there, they are here, and they're like me. And you are where you are for a thousand reasons. And it comes down to grace, like I mentioned earlier. It's like we should give ourselves grace to kind of learn from the past mistakes, but move on from those past mistakes. And it is about what is something today? And for us, it was like we had tons of debt to have from credit cards to student loans to automobile debt. It was just a mess and stressful. And we work paycheck to paycheck. And I think that's that was a struggle. And just we're just trying to survive and trying to get our head above water that we're we're drowning. And community really helped me in saying the the good communities can lift you up. And the financial independence community is an amazing community, and they're here to help without judgment, and saying, okay, you you you are there for a reason. And it's because of those moments in the past that have created who you are, those scripts that were told to you growing up. Here, you need to do this, you need to do that, and those are around you. But okay, it's creating those people and that's environment around you that's important. It's the Jim Ron quote you are the average of the five people that you surround yourself with. And then who are in in your circle? Who influences you? But I mean, it's about moving toward better of day-to-day. Okay, what is one credit card I can get paid off today? What is one thing I can work toward? What would it look like? I mean, Simon Sinek is a great TED talk about the why of figuring out what is your why. And that and then if you can figure out the why, you can figure out the how. And it's about baby steps to get to that moment. So have a vision of what you want to get to, uh, but it's about creating the life you want today. And it's not about having to be having to retire to a beach. This is much money to retire to the beach. Well, you can just go to the beach right now. You can just live there and and just uh be a bartender and some Caribbean island. Like, what do you truly want? And it's about how can I create that life today and move toward better.

SPEAKER_00 32:47

Yeah, and I think a lot of people needed to hear that. What you just said, right? Because, you know, people often they're ashamed about money or they feel burned out, they feel that they feel behind, right? They it's too late for them, something whatever, whatever the how they feel, but really what you just you know framed on you know what how can they get to better? And so let me ask you this then. So if someone were to be rewriting their financial story today, what is that very first chapter? Like, would you help them? Is it about earning? Is it about spending? Is it about their financial identity, you know, their their core beliefs? Is it the fear that they won't have an like what is how would you help coach them on what's that very first chapter of their story?

SPEAKER_01 33:39

I would help them find out where they are today. Where are you today on, say, in this map? You need to figure things out and you need to know where you are. It's about getting that credit report. It's about kind of understanding what's led you to where you are today. And there's a whole saying about the whole, like say your your money journey, your past, all those decisions and all those scripts that were told to you, and you tell yourself lead to today's decisions and tomorrow and then tomorrow's goals. And it's really first step is okay, where am I? And being honest with yourself, and then where do I want to go? And then we can fill the find that gap. Yeah, it's it's about yes, it's about how much the gap between income and expenses, about increasing income, decreasing expenses. There's so many different layers of the how. But it's about what do you want life to look like? And it's about what I see, what stressors do you have? What what holds you back and what's uncomfortable? And then that helps you be honest. And having that one person, or that's why I like coaching there to help you, or it's having that community that can help lift you up and and be there without judgment. So I mean, first step is finding out where you are today and figuring out what you believe, and then figure out where you want to go, and then how can I fill that gap or move move toward that? Right on.

SPEAKER_00 35:03

Yeah, I think that um a lot of people they don't even know where they're at right now because they look at it with their eyes and ears closed because they're afraid of I mean, I was in that point too, right? When I first got divorced, you know, I didn't want to know how much money I didn't have, how much money I didn't want to know how much groceries cost or what bills we were paying. Uh I really kept my eyes and ears closed because it was a scary thing. I didn't I looked at it at definitely more of a scarcity mindset at the time, which now I know that um I have definitely more of a of a abundance mindset and that there's you know, I I hate to break it to people, but there's always more money out there, you know. It's not like if you are wealthy, someone else is not. It's not it doesn't work that way, I I think anyway. That's my that's my my two cents. So if you want to coach somebody, let's say someone's kind of uncomfortable with the idea of going to a professional, going to a coach. What is something you can do to help them uh I guess ease the anxiety and and and really get the help that they may need with a coach? What is something you can help them with?

SPEAKER_01 36:21

There's a saying that you you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink. It's people need to be ready. And when somebody's ready, the coach or the mentor will appear. That's a struggle. You can't force people to do things. But I think there's a way of thinking through, like we have we need somebody else beside us, and it's from getting a discovery call with somebody or just talking to somebody to find somebody that you connect with, and then they can help you get to where you want to go. I think that's what good therapist or good financial advisors, or I'm a coach, I'm not an advisor, so I don't talk about the specifics, and that's why I want to do that. I want to help others that and not be beholden to some type of product I'm selling, which nothing wrong with that. I mean, there's there's there's a good and bad in any profession, but it's about what do you want and what is holding you back. And many times we hold ourselves back and or we have blind spots and we don't know. And that's what the good thing about a coach and and and whatever you're doing. I've done speaker coaching to money coaching to to other teaching classes on improving performance. And it's about that self-awareness and critical thinking. And like we don't have enough self-awareness in our lives, and we have blind spots, and we they're hard things to go through and from trauma to a thousand things that are holding us back in those difficult situations. And it's about what do you want to get out of life, and it's about finding somebody that can help you move toward that. And I think it's it's there definitely needs to be a connection between you and whoever that can be there to help you. But it's maybe it's finding a local group, like a financial independence group, or I know you do some different stacking Benjamin groups, and I do I've done, I don't know, 50 some meetups on it's about putting yourself around other people and kind of giving yourself that grace to make mistakes and kind of move toward your better right on.

SPEAKER_00 38:23

Because sometimes, you know, you you keep on waiting until you feel ready to talk to a coach or whatever. And you know, sometimes it's just that that self-discipline to do the thing you need to do even if you don't want to. That's that's what's hard, right? That's the thing. And I know you're all about uh systems, right? You mentioned in the military, you know, you have the systems and the track lists, and you know, you you rely on systems to kind of get things done. What's a simple system that people can uh adopt that can uh reduce the financial stress or financial anxiety they have? Simple system.

SPEAKER_01 39:01

I I like to think in terms of past, present, and future.

unknown 39:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 39:07

And think think through okay, understanding your past and uh the different challenges you had and things that created your beliefs and critical thinking about that. What are you doing today in the present? What are your current habits and what are your future goals? So if you can think past, present, future, you can be open about that. I think that system kind of allows for that self-awareness and critical thinking, as I mentioned, and allows you to move towards something. It's about being organized and breaking it down to small pieces and within that. It's like for your habits, it's about what are your triggers that lead you to not do, not work out, or not, I mean that people, I'd say Amazon, all those, they want to take your money and there's one-click shopping and everything, they make it so easy. But we need to make it easy on our systems of working out, as we said. Or I I mean, I there was a a good kind of a 30-minute kickboxing place I used to go to before it closed down, and I was very regimented about going to that. And it was like different stations and and they had the workout planned for you. And it's about and it was very organized. And my expectation was I'm going, and worst case scenario, I don't go, as opposed to if everything works out perfectly, then I'll go. How can I flip that to saying my expectation is I'm going to get out of debt and I'm going to travel to see my daughter in Florida who lives down there now, or what can we do? And it's okay, maybe credit card rewards, or there's many different things to create a path to where you want to get. And I think it's about understanding your past, present, future. That is inherently a uh I would say critical thinking skill that is that we aren't we don't do very good a j job of that many times.

SPEAKER_00 40:56

Right on, yeah. I like that. Um and I and I also need to though um I gotta start to be more present in the now because sometimes I'm I'm so wound up on the failures of the past, or I'm just always thinking about the next I fail to live in the moment of where I am. Just just something that I gotta get better at for sure.

SPEAKER_01 41:21

Uh you'll never be this age again. Like you're the youngest you're ever be. You're the oldest you've ever been, but you're the youngest you ever will be. Love it. That's awesome. Understanding that and thinking about like like I'm probably not gonna run a marathon again. That was a while ago, and I don't think uh I'm to that point where I'm gonna do that again. But there's other great things to do, and it's about keeping active and moving towards something. But yeah, that's a good point that we we do our minds are in the past or the future. They're not in the present in the moments. Life is about moments. It's about I mean, our memory. We remember moments and how things made us feel or how others made us feel, or great things and terrible things, and life is about those moments, and how you think about how can I create those moments in my life? And what can I do to make more of those moments and and live, not be not y necessarily YOLO or you only live once, it's but it's about okay, yeah, if you want to live on the beach, go go live on the beach, don't wait till you're you're 70 or 80. I mean, create the life you want today and don't wait to some mythical retirement or mythical financial independence. Uh just do it today, but okay, find that balance of of kind of giving yourself grace to learn, get better, and move toward that. And that it is about uh not having that stress in the moment and not having that anxiety, and money tends to be one of the biggest anxiety things in our lives.

SPEAKER_00 42:50

Sure, sure. I think that's a great key takeaway to kind of wrap this episode up. I think that was very well said, David. Thank you. So before we before we're gonna close up today, let people know where they can get more info about your conference, about you, if if they want to talk to you about coaching, perhaps. How do they find you?

SPEAKER_01 43:11

So the website is sparkfinancial wellness.com, and there's a the conference tab on there, or you can go to the 1% better conference dot com for the upcoming event. Uh so I think it's uh I do my coaching, but also do speaker coaching, specializing more in the let's see either keynotes or to like financial independence community helping us. That's kind of my niche of obviously that's what I enjoy doing, helping this community. Um but it's yeah, yeah. So you can reach out to me on on the website or come to the conference and check me out on online. Um I love going to different events, and I think that's what people need to do is check out events and being around that community. And I want to create an event like the great campfires I've been to, or Economy or or FanCon, other things I've been doing. Yeah, I saw. I've got the exact same shirt. So yes, being around great people. So yeah, yeah, check it me out online or on the website.

SPEAKER_00 44:06

Awesome. Well, thanks so much for joining me today. I really do appreciate it. And those of you that are following online, thank you so much for following us. Please leave a review on Apple Podcasts. We will really appreciate it. And we will see you next time on the Extreme Personal Finance Show. See ya!