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Life Divergent
Tune in to listen to us as we discuss our experiences of living life divergently.
Life Divergent
EP 9 - Is AuDHD Real?
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It is. In this video we explore the overlap and the incongruencies of ADHD and Autism. We are a bit chaotic, just hang in there.
They don't like you. Hello. Welcome. I'm Trina. And he's.
SPEAKER_00I am Jason.
SPEAKER_02He is. And this is Life Divergent. In today's episode, we'll be discussing odd DHD. Is it real?
SPEAKER_00And you know what? Yes, it is. Thank you so much for coming, guys. That's all we were doing.
SPEAKER_02See you next time. Okay. Really, we're going to go into it more than just a simple answer. Because it is more than just a simple answer.
SPEAKER_00I've I've oftentimes made the joke if the title of your podcast or your video or your your magazine or whatever is a question that could be answered in one word. Don't ask that question. Name it something else. So we're doing this because it's it's applicable, it's real. I still find it amusing.
SPEAKER_02He's amused. I'm amused at his amusement.
unknownRight.
SPEAKER_00All right. Along the lines of nothing I was just saying, there this is not. I say this every time. I should probably just like get out a few sentences that are the same.
SPEAKER_02Just we're not doctors, we're not lawyers.
SPEAKER_00Yes, I know, but it's that easy, and it should just be that easy. I could have it written out so I could just read it off every time. We could even paste it in our little notes so I don't have to look anywhere else. But instead, what we have here is don't take this as diagnostic advice. We're not experts or professionals. The goal of even having a disclosure is to let you know you are not allowed to hold us liable or accountable for anything legal, medical, or any all. Any all? Yes, just nothing. It's don't be diabolical. Anything about this video in any context, in any situation, in any circumstance, is not to be held responsible. We are not to be held responsible for anything negative. If positive things come because of this, absolutely credit us. But the negative, nah, just nothing to do with us. That's on you.
SPEAKER_02Superheroes? No, kidding. Yeah. But um, and so much of this is based on our real life experience. So when we're imparting, we're not imparting wisdom per se, so much as our own life experience. Yeah. So there's that. All right. Do you have a friend?
SPEAKER_00I have a number of friends that's greater than zero.
SPEAKER_02Do you want to share a friend today?
SPEAKER_00Today I have a uh a crushed water bottle with me. That's all that I happen to have on hand.
SPEAKER_03You know, same figurehead.
SPEAKER_00It's it it may be crushed on the outside, but it's still crushed on the inside too, trust me. There's a little bit of water left in it, so it's still worth something.
SPEAKER_02I feel really bad for you and your friend. All right. I have an egg. And inside that egg is a peep.
SPEAKER_00That's a big peep.
SPEAKER_02It is. It's a little chick, and it was the special one.
SPEAKER_00Mmm. Speaking of peeps.
SPEAKER_02Smells good. Peeps.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. When I worked at the chemistry lab, we had a machine called the Lyophalyzer.
SPEAKER_02The Lyophalyzer?
SPEAKER_00Lyophalizer.
SPEAKER_02That's what I said.
SPEAKER_00You would take these vials of uh you'd take a liquid that had stuff dissolved in it, and then you'd freeze it, and then you'd take these little vials of that frozen liquid stuff. Science terms. You'd put it in this lyophalizer. Are you sure you worked there? This is like 20 years ago almost. So it had like uh vacuum pressure, so it'd pull all the air out of these these glass jars. And the idea was it would take the the ice or the solid liquid and it would remove that, but still leave the stuff, the powder you put in it in the first place. Now, because we knew it was like you take these like eight-inch long jars and stick it in this laphalizer, um, we wondered what else could you put in there under a vacuum and what would happen to it. So someone had the idea to put a peep in one of them.
SPEAKER_02Not this kind of peep, but an actual candy peep.
SPEAKER_00That's an actual candy peep. What color? Yellow. Okay. And it I mean it's a vacuum, so it pulled all the air out of it. But because a peep is like more kind of like a solid thing, it kind of expanded like a ball, and then the air did come out of it, and then it like went back to its normal size. Oh, that's fun. It was, and then when we like turned the thing and it let the air back in, it just absolutely crushed this peep.
SPEAKER_02Oh, wow, because all the air was outside.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and there was no air pressure on the inside.
SPEAKER_02Nice.
SPEAKER_00And because just like it took a moment for the air to leave because it was solid, it would have taken a moment for the air to get inside, and because of that, it just flattened it, and it's just this hard, thin peep. So that was fun. Stuff that taxpayer dollars go to. At least you guys know you're getting your money's worth. That was fun.
SPEAKER_02No doubt. So now we know what happens. Real peep.
SPEAKER_00Nah, like like real legit labs. I mean, this was a real legit lab, but scientists take stuff seriously. Every now and then you'll get some people who are young, still in college, you know, young research technicians or lab assistants. I mean, it's like a lab frat house kind of kind of life. A lab frat house. Let's just move on.
SPEAKER_02Anyway, we uh again are talking about Aud today. All right. So Aud is when autism and ADHD share the same mind. Basically, it's when one person has both.
SPEAKER_00Okay, cool.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and there's yeah, it is a real thing. Um, it's not a clinical diagnosis, but it's a term that's used to describe having criteria, meeting criteria for both. And there is a significant number of people. Significant number, yes, number of singular. There is a significant number of people who have um autism who also meet the criteria for ADHD.
SPEAKER_00Yes, there's more than that.
SPEAKER_02No, she's lying to you.
SPEAKER_00And confirm. Let me validate you. You said that it's not a clinical term, that's correct. Now that doesn't mean that your experience is now invalid because it's not an official clinical term. Um, I I think of it as a third thing because autism is one way, ADHD is another, and some of the the signs or symptoms are in contradiction, but you can, and many people do have both. And so it feels like its own thing, it's a distinct profile. And even so, like I said, even though it's not a clinical term, how you feel about it matters. So you are validated by me, which I'm sure has major significance to you. Anyway, so uh a lot of people, huh?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. All right. So um the interesting thing, at least to me, about this is that until 2013, clinicians were prohibited from diagnosing both at once. They weren't allowed to say that you had autism as well as ADHD. However, um, when the DSM5 came out in 2013, as I said, they decided that they would lift that band so that you could formally recognize the coexistence of both.
SPEAKER_00Yes. That seems to be my only contribution.
SPEAKER_02Thank you again for that.
SPEAKER_00All right, so um it's still not fully understood. Yeah, autism, ADHD altogether. There are overlapping genetic factors, you know, research is currently showing. There are some differences in like executive dysfunction. There are common patterns with brain connectivity at a neurological level. So all that really says is we know that it's there and somehow connected genetically, but it's just there's just so much about it. It's so nuancy. So nuancy is not really a word. You know, I I thought when we would talk about this, I would sound more legitimate and professional, but this is just me, so whatever.
SPEAKER_02This is just us.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. So um it's behavioral, it's neurological, um, but as Jason said, they're still doing research to determine how they are connected. Um, we do know that there's overlap in symptoms. We also know that there are a lot of things that contradict each other, which makes having um both of these very difficult to deal with at times.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. It it and it can be frustrating because of, well, I mean, we'll get into later the different contradictory ideas that still apply. This isn't something that you can catch, you know, you're just born a certain way. And you just it's a it's a struggle.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, so um help.
SPEAKER_01I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_00Not like officially like clinical psychological help, but you know, to to maybe help you feel like you're connected to other people through our own experiences.
SPEAKER_02Right. Um I think it's important to have um, you know, if you have both, to get both diagnoses, because you know, there are things that happen, as we mentioned, that you might not understand if you have one thing, yet you're feeling a different way than what it says that you should feel, um, or what is you know uh a criteria. Criterion. Um, so there are conflicting drives in um having both of them. So autism may be someone who has autism may crave routine and predictability, whereas someone who has ADHD craves novelty and stimulation. So there's like this tug of war going on inside. All right. Um masking can be compounded. So if you mask as um an ADA ADHD person, um you also have masking symptoms that are related to being autistic that may contradict or well masking is huh?
SPEAKER_00Masking is trying to connect. I was gonna say by masking, but taking a certain uh why are words failing me? If someone is a certain way and you're interacting with them, you're kind of setting a standard and you want to match that because you think that okay, well, this person is interacting with me and with society a certain way, and so that's an acceptable way to interact with society, and so there's a certain social structure that you're trying to mold around.
SPEAKER_02Emulate.
SPEAKER_00Thank you for explaining what mold around means.
unknownYou're welcome.
SPEAKER_00And that is hard to do if you have ADHD, because on the one hand, like I said, you're trying to God, people don't know what mold around means. So let me try to find people try to emulate this social structure, and ADHD, it's like structure can be kind of a struggle. So, because you like you have your own impulsiveness, and the two can be in contradiction, so it's it's exhausting trying to do two things at once. Trying to conform, but getting drawn away from conformity just because of your own myth.
SPEAKER_02Yes. You see, he said he was having trouble finding words today, and I try to help him. And what did he do? He bust my chops. I'm never going to give you another word again.
SPEAKER_00All right, I said I was having trouble finding words uh that's plural. You provided one word.
SPEAKER_02Well then, there can be more.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I appreciate it.
SPEAKER_02Sure, no problem. All right, did you cover diagnostic challenges? Because I kind of zoned out there because I was uninteresting. Okay. Very fair. So um, we are going to kind of briefly go over a few. Is this what we're doing now? Signs of Aud.
SPEAKER_00You ask me a question and then you just hate. All right, so right in the middle of a sentence of questions, like on the topic of questions. Um I suppose if this were a YouTube video, this is where I would say don't forget to like and subscribe and leave a comment below. Something like that.
SPEAKER_02But the nonsense. Okay, so that you know, just in case you don't know, we are neurodivergent individuals, and so we struggle, and we don't script any of this. I bet you're surprised by that.
SPEAKER_00I was just thinking if anyone's actually surprised by that at this point. We have questions for you.
SPEAKER_02Yes, we do.
SPEAKER_00Because I know we know that some people might not have connections with people like them. And so listening to this podcast or watching this video or others is a nice way of connecting people, connecting with people for the first time. So have some questions that you know you could throw some answers out, talk about yourselves. Like, how the hell do you handle the need for structure and the need to not be constrained by structure? Because I have not figured that out. I do not handle it, it's just constant chaos. But maybe you people out there, you people, maybe the the viewers slash listeners feel the same way and don't know how it happens, or maybe you do have something that works for you and want to share that information.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, let us know how you handle that need for structure and the need to not be constrained by structure. Excuse me, while I just reread the sentence or question. Um, yeah, I I struggle. I struggle. I don't know. I try all my um ADHD helps, all my autism helps, but again, they contradict, so it's really difficult to do both at once. But maybe you guys have figured something out that you can share with us and other viewers as well.
SPEAKER_00And don't worry, we won't take it as medical advice and hold you accountable.
SPEAKER_02No, we won't. We're asking for your personal experience. Okay, so how much time has elapsed between your two diagnoses? So if you were diagnosed with them at separate times, I feel like I'm just restating what I already said. Sorry, I'm not trying to.
SPEAKER_00I was literally thinking that.
SPEAKER_02But huh?
SPEAKER_00I was literally just thinking that you were.
SPEAKER_02For those of you who don't know, Jason is my son, meaning I'm his mother. So we're going to have some connectivity. Anyway, um, so how much time has elapsed between your two diagnoses? And which one came first? And what finally connected the dots for you? What made you think, you know what? I might have another condition as well. Or was it your doctor who led you to that? We really want to know.
SPEAKER_00When you say it like that.
SPEAKER_02I really do, though.
SPEAKER_00I am curious. Everyone's different. Uh so the other thing, if you want to leave a question or just think to yourself.
SPEAKER_02I want you to read that question. I'm going to. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Does having a name like Audh change how you understand your own experience? And by that I mean like, do you feel like your experiences are now understood having the name like Aud presented to you? Because I needed to just repeat what I said with different words and words.
SPEAKER_01We're so good at that. Okay.
SPEAKER_00I was doing that to parody anyway. So, but like my answer to the question does having a name like Audi HD change how you understand your own experiences? No, it doesn't, because I'm just different from everyone else. Everyone else is different from each other. We're just all different. My answer is no. Like, obviously not.
SPEAKER_01He's answering for himself.
SPEAKER_00Do you think I'd speak for you?
SPEAKER_01Is that from the Breakfast Club?
SPEAKER_00It is, yes. Outstanding work.
SPEAKER_03All right.
SPEAKER_00Alright, so I'm that was enough. Everything's a reference, but I'm done talking now because I'm just constantly like, what the F is wrong? Forever?
SPEAKER_01You're done talking now? Hello?
SPEAKER_02Okay, so let's move on to signs of Aud. Now this isn't necessarily a completely um, what am I trying to say, Jason? Um, non-inclusive, um all inclusive.
SPEAKER_00Non-exhaustive, non-exhaustive.
SPEAKER_02Thank you. It's a not an exhaustive list or a non-exhaustive list of signs of Audi HD. Guess what you just did? You said words. You said words.
SPEAKER_00I know.
SPEAKER_02Okay. Um, so let's talk about these. All right. So um, as we kind of touched on a little bit, you have conflicting needs. So routine and novelty pull at you at the same time. You crave both structure and spontaneity. Are you gonna say more words, Jason?
SPEAKER_00I am, but I'm gonna look up if it's actually pronounced spontaneity or spontaneity.
SPEAKER_02Really?
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Spontaneity. Have you heard it pronounced differently?
SPEAKER_00Uh nope, I just decided to make this up.
SPEAKER_02Oh my goodness. Who are you gonna believe? Some Yahoo or your mother?
SPEAKER_00Neither is correct. Spontaneity.
SPEAKER_02Oh my gosh, are you kidding me?
SPEAKER_00Checking another source, I don't want that to be right.
SPEAKER_02I want to hear spontaneity. Spontaneity, I want to hear the thing. Alright, while he's looking that up, let's talk about sensory overload and boredom. So you can be overwhelmed by input, yet unstimulated. Quiet feels loud, calm feels restless. It's crazy. You have a whole jumbled experience going on.
SPEAKER_00Alright, so listen, Google, Google says, I don't know if it's Google AI, but it says spontaneity, which is weird, I've never heard of that. But an actual like YouTube video of some pronouncy people says spontaneity. Thank you very much. You're welcome, very little. Oh, rude.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_02It's okay. I thought it was amusing. Okay. So did you want to say anything now that you looked up spontaneity?
SPEAKER_00See, because I was doing that, I have no idea what you said or where you left off.
SPEAKER_02So okay, I'm at number three. But by the way, so that you know, the um video or our um episode prior to this one was about grammar and punctuation and such. And so we're still kind of in that mode. I mean, we're in that mode all the time. So it's only natural that Jason would look that up.
SPEAKER_00So I'm not offended, I'm appreciative. It's nothing to do with that episode. I like you said, we're just like this, and that wasn't to contra like you said something that contradicted what I knew, and I was curious. Like, if I thought you were wrong, I wouldn't have looked it up because I mean I'm right. So if I just were so self defeatist and didn't think I was worth anything, I would have just believed you. Of course, I know what I know, I believe what I know, but I also trust and respect you. So let me just figure out what the actual answer is. Good show, mate. Good show. The only other option, which I am not, is I Wanted to rub in your face that you're wrong, so I looked for evidence. It's not at all who I am, but you know, if I look up stuff, it's not don't be offended.
SPEAKER_02It's it's not to rub it in my face. No, not at all. No, we're just like that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_00People get annoyed by that, primarily because you know, we're usually right, and so they have to deal with that.
SPEAKER_02Oh don't listen to him. All right. Number three, Jason. Hyper focus.
SPEAKER_00For those who see us, and look, I have a certain look on my face when I'm being snarky and like being a troll. So, so if you can see me, you know. At this point, you know. Anyway, so you know what can we work on next? Time blindness. So, you know how you can spend forever doing something because you get so hyper-fixated on the thing. At the same time, you're the type of person that you don't want to be late for things and you don't want to be un or under prepared. And those can be in contradiction when you get in the zone, but being in that zone is gonna make you late for a thing. It's like, well, I I don't want to stop this, I can't stop this. But as the time, like, I have to like you try to finish this as fast as possible so you can be ready for this. It like, even if it's okay to take a break from this, it's like, no, I need to work twice as fast, three times as fast. I need to hurt you. Like, you keep checking the clock while you're working on this thing, like kind of get this done, like prep this email or whatever it is in my instance. And there's some sort of anxiety tied to that. Clock thing I'm doing, clock thing I'm doing. Yeah. Okay. What's next?
SPEAKER_02I love how we're so supportive of each other today.
SPEAKER_00Alright, so Apache executive function. I don't know, I'm just I don't like reading off slides. So that's that's a thing, which is like like I was saying before, you have the hyperfixations or the what's the other version? Specialized interest. And so you have these big tasks that you spend time on and they get done. And it's important, and that's like exciting, and you get you're driven to do that, but then there are other things that don't happen, like brushing your teeth. You may just that may just not be a thing that you why did that happen?
SPEAKER_02Oh, I was showering also.
SPEAKER_00I did see that you were and then I showered. Okay, so when you don't never do the motion for brushing your teeth. No one should ever do the motion for brushing their teeth. Ever. Ever, ever, ever, ever. No one, no one should pantomime teeth brushing at all for any reason.
SPEAKER_02My my greatest apologies.
SPEAKER_00And if you don't understand, do it by looking in a mirror while you're doing it. And then ask yourself, what else does it look like I'm doing when I'm doing this? Okay. That sucks.
SPEAKER_01All right. Which one were you on?
SPEAKER_00I uh the I was one of these.
SPEAKER_02Hard things easy, easy things hard.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's what I was trying to say.
SPEAKER_02Right. Okay. So what about um some of those other things there?
SPEAKER_00It's your turn?
SPEAKER_02It is. Um should I go to shifting intense interests?
SPEAKER_03Sure.
SPEAKER_02Okay, so when you have an intense interest, it's all-consuming, it's a passion. But when you have both of these things, you'll have deep, all-consuming passions that rotate. Sometimes they overlap, sometimes they vanish because you get so hung up on hopping from this thing to that thing to this thing to that thing. Um, and that can be very unproductive. And that's all I have to say about that. I want to talk about rejection sensitivity next. And this is going to be our next episode, but for now, um, it's real or perceived criticism that lands very sharply and lingers long after. So it's not something, if somebody criticizes you, it's not something that you get over right away. It can go on for days. You can ruminate, I mean, just sit and fester. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_00It happens often. I would say multiple times a week, or I just kind of remember things like that that happened 30, 35 years ago.
unknownYes.
SPEAKER_00Why the fuck do I even bother trying to do things if people are just gonna respond a certain way or if I'm gonna feel awkward about it? So it's just it's a whole thing. But we have a whole episode for that.
SPEAKER_02Yes, we do. So for now, how about um masking exhaustion?
SPEAKER_00We talked about masking a little bit earlier, um, but yeah, it sort of ties into a person's like uh social battery to a degree. Because you know, masking is difficult because you're trying to act like you have a trained skill or experience when you're not really able to do that, and it just takes a lot to be able to, and it can take hours or maybe even days to recover from just everything you have to put into pretending like you're quote unquote normal.
SPEAKER_02Right, and then um this kind of ties in also a little bit with um the hyperfocus and the burnout. So you do your hours of deep dive followed by long crashes, and so you can also experience those long crashes from having your energy drained um from the masking with your hyperfocus as well, which makes it doubly damaging. Ooh, alliteration.
SPEAKER_00Okay, you reminded me of a joke.
SPEAKER_01Tell. Is it appropriate?
SPEAKER_00It's appropriate.
SPEAKER_01Tell.
SPEAKER_00Are you sure?
SPEAKER_01I'm sure.
SPEAKER_00I heard that the population of Ireland's capital is growing. In fact, it's Dublin.
SPEAKER_02Okay, carrying on. That was good. All right, so stimulation paradox. Um, so you need more input than most, but you're overwhelmed faster than most. So it's like the more stimulation you get, the more you're overwhelmed because you have the odd, the autism, and you have the ADHD. So it's just a complete cluster. That's all I'm gonna say. Okay. I'm not gonna finish that word.
SPEAKER_00It sounds good. What word? Cluster?
SPEAKER_02What comes after it that starts with an F. Okay. And the last one, Jason. Inertia? Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yes. An object at rest stays at rest. An object in motion stays in motion unless acted on upon acted upon by an outside source.
SPEAKER_02So how do you have inertia in both directions, Jason?
SPEAKER_00Well, why do you look annoyed with me?
SPEAKER_02I was looking at the camera just because my eyes are.
SPEAKER_00So basically I can't explain double inertia. Go ahead. It's hard to start tasks. Like a good example. Sorry, coughing. Not the Pokemon.
SPEAKER_02Thanks for uh clearing that up. I wasn't sure what you were doing.
SPEAKER_00Listen, starting a task is can it can be a struggle. Like some per some people might put off cleaning the house for like six months, and then when they do, it's like they can't stop doing that. That's like all of a sudden that fixation for that day, and they have to do it. And it what's interesting is that can even be a detractor or a deterrent for starting the task the next time. It's like, well, if I know I get into this, I know when I get into this, I'm gonna get into it. So, you know, I can't just do the thing for 10 minutes. Like you can't just say, well, let's vacuum this one room. It's like I'm gonna clean everything that anyone could possibly clean in anyone's entire life if I start this one thing right now. So you can take it both ways.
SPEAKER_02In both directions.
SPEAKER_00At the same time.
SPEAKER_02Yes. All right. Now, just really quickly, um, we have some inconsistencies now that we've um covered those. Let's just um go over a couple of incongruencies that might be a little more um, I don't know, easy to understand or just fun. I think they're fun. Do you think they're fun?
SPEAKER_00I do.
SPEAKER_02All right, let's have some fun. All right, the first example is called mess stress. So this is when you hate messes like I do. I hate messes, I hate messes, I hate messes. But my executive dysfunction, so the hating messes comes from the autism, the um executive dysfunction comes from the ADHD. And so, because of my executive dysfunction, I'm unable to clean. So I'll sit there and stew in my own juices of hatred, self-hatred. Hatred. Did you say I should?
SPEAKER_00I don't know what I said.
SPEAKER_02Okay, moving on.
SPEAKER_00What's next? We have shut up. Why is that what that's called? Anyway, so you know how sometimes you feel awkward talking to someone like you're not able to stop talking?
SPEAKER_02Like right now.
SPEAKER_00Me or you?
SPEAKER_02Me.
SPEAKER_00Okay. Why do you feel awkward? You've been talking to me for 40 years, 40.75 years. What are you doing?
SPEAKER_02It's not awkward talking to you. I'm looking at the camera. I'm talking to them.
SPEAKER_00Them aren't here right now.
SPEAKER_02They are in my heart.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_02Okay. Are you done with shut up?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that was pretty much it.
SPEAKER_02Okay. Let me move on to Chatty Kathy. So, this is struggling to carry on a conversation that you care nothing about. Small talk. Even wait about even because you can't comfortably end it. So you don't want to be in the conversation, but you stay in the conversation because you don't know how to get out of it. Which sucks. Do you have anything to add to that one?
SPEAKER_00No, it's I I get it. People are talking and you don't know what to say, but you're trying anyway. Because you you can't just say, I'm finished with this conversation now, I am leaving. Well, you can, but but you know that's not socially acceptable, even though that's what you want to do.
SPEAKER_02So you're gonna mask and continue to talk. Right.
SPEAKER_00Alright, so we have messy stress.
SPEAKER_02Why is it called that?
SPEAKER_00It's funny because I do this. You volunteer to do fun stuff in the future, knowing full well you should not commit to future plans.
SPEAKER_02Yes, because when that future comes up, you might be sleeping for three and a half months.
SPEAKER_00You know, I get so optimistic. Like, yeah, if I plan this far in advance, of course, I'll be free to do that. That'll be great. And the closer you get to that moment, it's like I I you know, for me, it's like less than 10 minutes after I said that I'd commit to this plan. I have no interest in doing it, then I dread it all the way up until like, you know, I really shouldn't have said this.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I find myself hoping and praying that it'll be canceled or you know, someone else will cancel it. And then, you know, it's like, oh, so sorry to hear. Maybe we can try it again another time. I saw a meme that said open yourself up for nonsense again.
SPEAKER_00What there was something I saw, I saw a meme that said, I uh I put the no in I'll let you know. That's funny. So you just don't commit to something so you can back out of it.
SPEAKER_02I hate when people do that though. I'll see what I'm doing when we get closer to that date. No, you make a plan, you fool. Oh, that was rude. I didn't mean to call somebody names.
SPEAKER_00The thing is, I agree with that completely, but there's also something else I learned about boundaries. If you're frustrated with someone because they're being non-committal, that's not the person for you. I mean, that you need to just move on with your life and stop waiting for that person because then what your happiness or whatever's dependent on them, you know, friend or partner or whatever. So no, just if they're not willing to make commitments to do things, just go about your life without them.
SPEAKER_02That's and that's why we're alone. We as in me.
SPEAKER_00Well, you know the truth of the matter is I'd rather be alone than settling for BS.
SPEAKER_02True.
SPEAKER_00So true.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_00Anyway. That's probably the most real thing I've said on this entire podcast.
SPEAKER_02Well, that's good. I like it when you're real sometimes. All right, the eye of the storm.
SPEAKER_00Why did you just tack on the sometimes right at the end of that? It was like a sincere moment between us. You're like, I like it when you're real sometimes.
SPEAKER_02Then you just because that's the first word of the next thing. Oh no, it isn't. I just can't okay. So the eye of the storm. Being a chill person, yet having a mind that races constantly making you anxious. I'm pretty chill. I know you can't tell, but I'm masking and stimming and masking.
SPEAKER_00So weird.
SPEAKER_02What?
SPEAKER_00I said that's so weird. Weird not weird's not a bad word, by the way. No, it's uh that that you're chill, but got the you have the constant races that make you anxious.
SPEAKER_02Yes, I always think I'm a chill person. Like, I guess um I equate that to being a person who doesn't like conflict, I don't start conflict, I'm very agreeable. Um, some people could see that as being a a people pleaser, but I'm not. I'm I I don't find myself being a chill person at the sacrifice of myself in any way, but yet my mind just goes bonkers constantly, and I know that I have anxiety and I'm anxious, but I'm chill.
SPEAKER_00You know.
SPEAKER_02What do I know?
SPEAKER_00All the things, all the things to a degree. I'm the opposite. I I it maybe it's the the autistic part of me, but I don't have a problem with confrontation. It's like even in in social settings, there's no awkwardness at all for me for contradicting someone if I don't like the approach they're taking or I think they're wrong about something. Butting heads that combat it, I don't care. Sometimes I thrive on it, and I don't like actively pursue it, but I just remember seeing a TikTok about it's from a uh self-aware narcissist who is talking about narcissistic personality disorder and how they try to manipulate people, control people, control situations, and he said that people who who are narcissists they don't like autistic people because they don't know what the hell they're thinking because autistic people don't have emotions in the same way, they don't have a problem standing up against the people who are being narcissists and trying to control the situation by using their own manipulation or trying to put people in socially uncomfortable situations to get their way, they just say whatever the hell they want, and I don't know what to do with it. So that was his perspective. And I'm like, you know, I know a guy who's well loved in certain Discord and streaming communities who's like that, and he and I kind of butt heads, and it doesn't really bother me, but I can tell it kind of bothers him because he's just not used to that. Everybody loves him, but anyway, so I I have no problem with that. It's my point.
SPEAKER_02And um, a little off topic, but that's okay. I made you say that because of something I said, right?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yes, all right.
SPEAKER_02Racing thoughts.
SPEAKER_00Well, yeah, we we you talked about being chill racing thoughts, and you brought it more personal to you about not being confrontational, and then I'm like, oh, I'm the opposite, because yes, I get that being chill, lots of thoughts going on, except if you say something that's wrong or you're being a little bit of a pushing people around, well, we're gonna have a problem.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you are a chill person too. Run through.
SPEAKER_00I don't know if you're being sarcastic. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I'm being serious.
SPEAKER_00Well, for anyone who saw the last uh the last video or watched the last podcast about I had to I had a mini rant at the end of it, so whatever chill you think I have just disappeared in that moment. Anyway, so anywho. And another thing. Speaking of chaos, bingeworthiness.
SPEAKER_02Yes. I like bingeworthiness.
SPEAKER_00You binge on a project, and then once the novelty wears off, you just you're that hyper fixation, whatever you want to call it, is over with, and you're in a sense done with it, but you still enjoy it, and like there are certain things for me. Like I keep telling myself, yeah, I gotta get back to that, I want to get back to that, I was enjoying it. But because it's not the current fixation or the current special interest, it just never happens, even though I want to, it's just it's like I like it, but it's not a need, it's a it would be nice. And that sucks because I never get to it, would I don't get to the it would be nicest because I have the this needs to happen right now.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and it can be difficult when the like it said, the novelty wears off. So there's like okay, there's always something to learn, but with respect to what you're binging, it's like all right, I already have all this information now. Okay, I still like it, but I'm done because I have nothing left to learn. Kind sort of in your head, not your head, my head.
SPEAKER_00And that that is all that I think we have to say.
SPEAKER_02I think that's all we have to say, but go back to those questions that we um brought up in the middle of the episode and um answer them for us, please. If you're on YouTube, put them down in the comments, and um uh we are setting up a fan mail thing so that you can answer them on our podcast as well.
unknownOh no.
SPEAKER_00Fan mail?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I haven't told you about that yet.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_02It's a thing. Okay, so um is there anything else we need to say besides wrapping up with our um saying what we're gonna be covering in the next episode?
SPEAKER_00I think it's nice uh being a co-creator and finding about the finding out about aspects of the future direction of what we're doing at the same time as the viewers. Whoops. And or listeners.
SPEAKER_02I forgot. Something that was just uh made me think of it. I have like a whole list over here of things to discuss with you, but someone took a nap.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I was tired because I ran out of medicine that helps me stay awake. Okay, and I didn't want to be a sleepy blob on this podcast when my participation I thought was important and relevant, but clearly nothing about me is important or relevant. I'm I'm joking. I forget people can't see me, they just hear this pseudo-serious voice and think, wow, he's gonna be.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah, that's right. Not everybody is watching the video.
SPEAKER_00Actually, I've said I'm never serious about anything in life. None of me is real.
SPEAKER_02He is serious about a lot of things. However, when it comes to the two of us, we we're pretty chill.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah, I don't I don't really care. I'm not offended or disrespected or anything. It is it's whatever, you know.
SPEAKER_02Okay, so in the next episode, we you're about to did you just feel this? We're going to be discussing reject rejection sensitive dysphoria. All right. Hope to see you. I'm doing quotation marks. Hope to see you then.
SPEAKER_00Indeed. I'm looking forward to that as well. It's going to be an interesting topic. I feel like it's a departure from what we've done, and we can get into that when that happens. So farewell.
