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Life Divergent
Tune in to listen to us as we discuss our experiences of living life divergently.
Life Divergent
Ep 15 - What is the Difference Between Masking and Coping?
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We explore the difference between masking and coping with particular emphasis on people with autism, ADHD, and bipolar.
So, have you ever reflected on your behavior at a social interaction and found yourself asking, who the hell was that person? It's like you don't even recognize yourself. If that sounds like you, you might be masking. So stick around because that's what we're going to talk about in today's episode, and we're going to offer some alternatives. Welcome to Life Divergent. I'm Trina.
SPEAKER_01And I'm Jason. Before we dive into this, I would like to remind you that we are not doctors or licensed medical professionals. All of our stories and ideas and experiences shared on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Please don't use this as a substitute for professional medical advice. Always consult with your own healthcare provider before making any changes to your wellness routine.
SPEAKER_00That was very enthusiastic.
SPEAKER_01Was it?
SPEAKER_00No, not at all.
unknownAll right.
SPEAKER_01It's just it's a lot to say.
SPEAKER_00It is.
SPEAKER_01Like I all you really need to say is the shit's not real, don't sue us. That's it.
SPEAKER_00And you can say, well, it wasn't enthusiastic because I wasn't masking.
SPEAKER_01Because by default, I'm not enthusiastic. I'm a very boring and monotone person.
SPEAKER_00That is not true. Okay. Alright. So, Jason, what is masking?
SPEAKER_01Masking is the conscious or unconscious, subconscious. Masking is the conscious or not conscious suppression of natural neurodivergent traits just to appear neurotypical. It's really a survival strategy, not a choice made for comfort. It's a necessity, at least it seems like it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01You know, my throat was perfectly clear until we started recording this.
SPEAKER_00Of course it was.
SPEAKER_01Okay. So we have examples with autism, ADHD, and bipolar. An example of masking for autism is maybe forcing eye contact during conversations, even though it feels physically uncomfortable or overwhelming or perhaps debilitating, which I have stories on that. Would you like to have would you like to segue into your own stories first?
SPEAKER_00Well, crap, I feel uncomfortable just keeping eye contact with the uh camera. Um I think I've talked about this before, but I um I find that when I'm talking to other people, I can't look at them. Um, I'll look up, I'll look around. I I I guess in a way it's me being thoughtful about what I'm saying typically. But um, you know, my eyes tend to dart all over the place. And um I do find, however, that when someone's speaking to me, and if they're not looking at me particularly, if they're speaking, I'm better able to look at them when they're not looking at me. Yeah, um, it makes me really uncomfortable and makes me become very aware of myself and where my eyes are. Um, you know, should I be looking at the left eye or the right eye? If I look at both eyes, can I do that? If I try to focus on their nose, am I cross-eyed? Um, when is it okay to stop looking and take a break from looking? Um do I look like some psychotic lunatic just staring at them? You know, I mean, it's it's it's uncomfortable.
SPEAKER_01Yes, I think that my discomfort is something a little different. So you tell yes, I don't really like eye contact because I can't think clearly if I maintain focus on us on a single point. If I'm presenting it's different because I I know what I'm saying, I'm not necessarily thinking through it, but my thinking slows down significantly if I'm looking at a single point. I think I mentioned on a previous podcast that I tried that once. Looking into a mirror and talking about whatever, maintaining eye contact with myself, started getting the the literal tunnel vision, everything started like blackening around a like a you know, what tunnel vision, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01And then I my speech started slowing down, my thinking was slowing down. I'm like, this is this is a real thing. I cannot just look at a single point without my mind deciding it doesn't want to work anymore.
SPEAKER_00So moving your eyes about is um fatilitates you thinking.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, like I have to look for my thoughts.
SPEAKER_00Thought, gosh, words are hard. Um, I think that maybe um you kind of helped me stumble upon something because as I said, when I'm looking around, I'm it's almost like I'm looking for my thoughts, you know, looking here and there and whatever, but yeah. Um what else?
SPEAKER_01ADHD type of masking would be forcing yourself to stay perfectly still in meetings while internally you're struggling because you have that urge to move, fidget, or just leave. Of course, I think that non-ADHD people have that urge to leave meetings as well.
SPEAKER_00But right.
SPEAKER_01So right now, there's the internal struggle. Like, I'm I'm sure people who have the the visual version of this podcast have noticed that whenever you're talking, I'm just like, um, not that I'm not paying attention, just can't just sit here and look at the camera. It's like I'm looking around, I'm moving the mouse around, I'm tapping, I'm doing whatever. Because you can get you kind of have to.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01However, I have never felt the urge to just up and leave when you're talking.
SPEAKER_00Are you sure about that? Okay. Um I do. Um, and I've told this before on you know podcasts that one of my mother's favorite stories when she was living was how I was such a fidgety kid and clumsy, and we went out to eat at this place. Some, if there are any older folk listening, um they might remember like a restaurant called Ponderosa. It was kind of like a la carte, you know, you had your tray, you went along, you picked up what you wanted, and um then they because it was called the Ponderosa, it was like you know, it's supposed to be like a ranch, and you sat at um these tables, wooden tables that had these wooden benches that you sat on. Excuse me, and um she just always told the story about how I was so fidgety I ended up falling right off the bench. Um so I learned because of the ridicule to not do those kinds of things anymore. Um to kind of sit on my hands or sit on my feet or just um try to sit perfectly still to be a good little girl. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Parents are the worst, aren't they?
SPEAKER_00Yes. Everybody knows that Jason's my son, right? Okay, ha ha ha ha.
SPEAKER_01Yes, and that is why the joke was funny to me.
SPEAKER_00Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01Alright, so moving on to the bipolar masking. That might involve hiding one of the hypomanic episodes by suppressing enthusiasm and energy to seem normal around other people. Co-workers, academic um students, other students, just work, or just friends. Just you're excited about something, but you can't be too excited publicly, so you gotta just like, oh yeah, that's cool. Whereas part of you're like, oh my god, that's amazing!
SPEAKER_00Yes. Um I used to describe, of course, I'm on medication, um, but I used to describe my manic episodes as you know, bouncing off the walls because that's how I felt. I felt like I was bouncing off the walls, but um in um you know, work situations and stuff like that, I tried to suppress it because when you're like I back before I was medicated, um one of the um unfortunate things about being manic um around people who don't know that you're bipolar is that you oftentimes will get accused of being on drugs because you're so hyper and so like bz bz bz bz. And not that it's true now, but I used to be so thin, you know. Um, so it was always like not always, but oftentimes people would suspect that I was on drugs. In fact, my dad, I have uh my brother was addicted to coke, crack, whatever the hell it was called at the time. Um, crack, I think, very badly. And one time when I was in my most manic time, my dad asked me if I was on that same shit my brother was on, and I was like, no, I don't do drugs. Um, but I remember just being so insulted, but then I was like, in retrospect, yeah, I'm pretty bouncy off the walls, perhaps like someone who's on crack and thin and so on, but yeah, so um after that I think that um I started to feel uncomfortable about um my exuberance, so to speak, and so when I was around other people, I tried to excuse me keep it in check.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Fortunately, this is not a thing that I'm asked. I was fully exuberant, and I thought the problem was with other people, not me. Like, why don't people get as excited as I do about things? That doesn't make sense.
SPEAKER_00What's wrong with you?
SPEAKER_01Not like that, but I people tell me they're excited. Well, I'd be told that people are excited about something, and I'm like, you don't seem excited, and everyone was like had the same level of excitement. So I'm like, you seem like you're interested, but I'm just like, I'm hype. This is a cool thing, I'm ready for it. Let's go.
SPEAKER_02Hype.
SPEAKER_01Anyway, ready to see it. That's an example of something that people might mask.
SPEAKER_00Yes, exactly that. All right, so let's get into what coping mechanisms are. Coping mechanisms basically are strategies that work with your neurodivergence rather than against them, like masking does. Um, they acknowledge your needs basically and help you to navigate the world more authentically than you do when you're masking. So the first example I have is for autism. Um if you're a person who struggles with um sensory overload, for example, you might use noise-canceling headphones in an overstimulating environment to help you manage um the input, um, how much is coming in so that you're not overloaded, or if you feel uh more self-conscious about wearing the headphones in public, perhaps you you use like earplugs or something like that. Um do you have any um sensory issues, Jason? Yeah, I have a lot of sensory issues. I knew that walking into that.
SPEAKER_01So all five of my senses have problems, deficits. So a big one for me is uh physical touch is uncomfortable. Don't like people hugging me or just rubbing my arm affectionately, or I don't know, holding hands can be weird. Just it's it's a lot of it's a lot. And I just I stopped trying to pretend like that wasn't the case, and so I would just tell people, you know, this is just a part of who I am, so you know, deal with it.
SPEAKER_00I mean, I wouldn't say that, but that's well, you never ever told me that you didn't like hugging. I think Courtney told me one day Jason doesn't like hugging.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, well, you just I mean, it was expected you're my mom, and I was being told that you know hug your mom.
SPEAKER_00So hug your mom.
SPEAKER_01But even when you knew, you're like, I know you don't like hugging, but I'm gonna do it anyway.
SPEAKER_00I never made you hug me back.
SPEAKER_01That doesn't matter. That's not I'm fine hugging someone to a degree as long as they're not reciprocating the hug. It's like it's it's them, not me. They're the problem. Ah, for real though. I don't yeah, so the coping for me was just being open and honest with the person.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01In a kind and polite way.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I mean, that's the best. I mean, would that be considered a I guess it's a coping mechanism? Yeah, all right.
SPEAKER_01Well, you know, communicating boundaries, it's critical.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it is. Um, yeah. So then we have um ADHD. So something that you can do if you're a stimmer like me. And for example, you would typically suppress that um in a social situation or at work or whatever. Um what you can thought I turned that off. Whoopsies. Um, what you can do is um take breaks whenever possible. I realize in certain situations you can't necessarily take a break, but um whenever you can take breaks and maybe get up and move around to rechannel your energy, that's a good way to help um get that energy out rather than suppressing it. Um do you have any um uh examples of things that you do to maybe deal with your ADHD masking issues, or if you've ever had any?
SPEAKER_01Well, what's great is when I'm in meetings, so I I work from home, so my meetings will be you know on the phone or whatever, Microsoft Teams, etc. Now, in instances where I all right, so I hope no one from work sees this. So if I'm not on camera, what I can do is draw, doodle, geometric shapes. I'm just trying to find examples of it in one of my notebooks. But if I am on camera, what I'll do is under my work camera, I'll pull up like a logic puzzles that I can do. Now I there's a certain type of logic puzzle that I've done so much that I don't have to think about it. Like I can autopilot the rules.
SPEAKER_00Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_01And so by doing that, the part of my mind that is trying to be distracted, that is looking for things to be distracting, can focus on that, and the rest of me can actually pay attention to what's being discussed in the meeting. Whereas if I don't do something like that at all, then I suppose uh the rest of like the part of me that wants to be distracted will then distract the rest of me. Then I just lose focus on the meeting itself.
SPEAKER_00Which is always a win.
SPEAKER_01So yeah, the the coping is doing that. Doing the logic puzzle to help me get through it. Now, what would be the masking version? Just pretending that everything's fine and just looking at the camera or the material or the whatever, and just try to hope I can stay focused.
SPEAKER_00Well, I think just um sitting perfectly still, trying not to move, um trying to um oh I I fidget on camera, I don't care. It's just energy and yeah, I mean, yeah, me too. Um but um there was a time where I, as I explained earlier, especially, you know, after being belittled or falling off of a stool, um I would try to contain myself, sit on my hands, um, sit on my feet, just you know, whatever I could do to make myself be still. Um, but now I don't care. I don't care. I'm gonna fidget if I need to fidget. Yeah. All right. Any any other examples or anything of unmasking your ADHD?
SPEAKER_01Did you say unmasking?
SPEAKER_00Yes, because we're talking about coping mechanisms now. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I'm sure there are others, but perhaps in the interest of diversification, we can talk about bipolar.
SPEAKER_00Hey, why don't we talk about bipolar now? All right, so um so that we're clear, you know, people who have bipolar struggle with um bouts of mania as well as um depressive episodes. So I think that one way of coping with that, especially, you know, never knowing back in the day when it was called a rapid cycler, I was a rapid cycler, um, I could within you know an hour bounce back and forth between the two. So um I think that one way, one good coping mechanism is to maybe without disclosing that you have bipolar, if that's not what you want to do, is to let people know um in advance, like if you're in a social situation, maybe just don't go in the first place, but like at work or whatever, or if you have a meeting, to let people know um moving into the meeting or even your day at work to let them know that your current mood is not a reflection of your environment or of them or anything like that. Um, have you had any um issues with uh bipolar that you were masking and then felt like um you developed a coping strategy for it?
SPEAKER_03No.
SPEAKER_00You said earlier that you just kind of went with your mania.
SPEAKER_01I was never into masking.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_01I don't know why it just never developed, because you'd think that it would, but I don't like not being me. Don't like being unauthentic because just unauthentic, unauthentic. I don't know, but it manifests differently in different people, and not everyone masks, not everyone copes.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I mean, and this particular point that I just brought up brings us back to something else, and you kind of touched on it, I think, when I was talking about autism coping mechanisms, is that um a great strategy for any of these is to communicate your boundaries um to your support network proactively. Just let people know um what you're dealing with, how you're feeling, um, you know, let them know that um, you know, certain things don't um equate to inattentiveness or um that it's a reflection of your environment, rather um things that you're feeling or things that you might experience have are more internal. What was that to me earlier? What you said something earlier about internal versus external, I can't remember now.
SPEAKER_01Oh, uh as a difference between the two?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Uh well, I'll mention that when we get to that point.
SPEAKER_00Okay, I'm so sorry. What were you gonna say?
SPEAKER_01The idea of communicating boundaries lets you know who your real friends are. True. Because you know, this was recommended to me several years ago by a psychiatrist when I was talking about my need to make plans or to have plans made in advance. As I have a few friends who would say, hey, you want to do something? When? Now? Like, what? No, not now. But what are you doing? Nothing. Okay, so then what's the problem? Because I'm doing nothing. Like I that was my plan for right now. I need more time to figure this out. But so I was told that, hey, you can just let your friends know that you you need advanced notice. Uh, this is as much time, and if good friends will be respectful of that and try to plan accordingly to the extent that they can. And if people don't like that and want you to accommodate them, then they might just kind of drift away. Those aren't good friends, and it's probably better that they're gone anyway.
SPEAKER_00True. True dot, sister. Oh, sorry.
SPEAKER_01My sympathy wanes for them. Yes. All right. So masking at a glance, coping at a glance. So masking will hide who you are. I forgot. Am I just going down the list? Are we like talking back and forth? How's this work?
SPEAKER_00Um, you know, let's give the one and then the other. What do you think? All right. I mean, I I feel like the coping mechanism, I mean, if you give the masking, the coping should be um self-evident. But um we'll I'll say it anyway.
SPEAKER_01Masking is a way of hiding who you are, right?
SPEAKER_00Whereas coping allows you to be yourself.
SPEAKER_01So you you tell me to just do the one side, then the other, and then I do the one side, then you're like, I'll just go back and forth.
SPEAKER_00I'm sorry. Which way? How do you want to my bad? Go ahead.
SPEAKER_01Which way? You want you can just do it all if you want to do it all. That's fine. No. I don't care. Your podcast.
SPEAKER_00What's the next ma oh my god, this is not mine, it's ours. Knock it off, son.
SPEAKER_01Alright, so yeah, masking hides who you are, it drains your energy. You know, you gotta be someone you're not. Right from a fear of rejection. You along the lines of hiding who you are, suppress suppresses your natural responses to situation. It's and it's designed to help other people feel comfortable. It's oftentimes automatic, unconscious slash subconscious.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_01All negative things in a way, man. From a certain point of view. Sorry.
SPEAKER_00Right. And coping is a more positive way of facing the world. Um it's kinder to yourself, but let you be yourself. Um, and things in masking that can drain energy um can help maybe after they become habitual. I think that um coping, finding coping mechanisms can be draining in the beginning until they become habitual. But I do think that coping mechanisms do help to preserve and or restore energy as time goes by. Um there's also some um self-reflection and self-understanding that leads to coping mechanisms. They also uh you learn with coping mechanisms how to redirect your natural responses so that you feel more comfortable being who you are without feeling like you're being disruptive or um, you know, depending on the situation. Um it also allows you to feel comfortable, it allows you to be who you are and feel at home in your own skin, so to speak. And coping mechanisms are intentional and self-directed, some of which hopefully will eventually become the norm, and you won't even have to think about them at the end of it all. They just become, like I said, the norm.
SPEAKER_01In my opinion, masking is self-damaging in a lot of ways. You don't get to be your true authentic self, whereas coping is so it's like negative versus positive. Uh, that's an oversimplification, I know, but it's it's I mean, there's some legitimacy there. Coping is better for mental health and wellness, I believe.
SPEAKER_00I agree.
SPEAKER_01Well, all right, so a couple of examples uh like two different situations and how masking might apply and how coping might apply. Right. First one is being overwhelmed at a social gathering, something you would do to mask. Smile through your distress. You might mimic other people's body language because other people are having a good time. So that's what you're supposed to do. So you do what they're doing. You do the hand gestures or whatever, the you know, just smile and nod, whatever they're doing. You might stay until you mentally crash at home, you know, force yourself to be there, force the eye contact, suppress stimming. If you have all the sensory and emotional overwhelm, you just bottle that up and put on the smile and be the person that you think other people want you to be.
SPEAKER_00Right. But the healthier way, perhaps, or the more authentic way of dealing with um being uncomfortable or whatever at social situations is that if you feel distressed or you feel overwhelmed, just step outside for a break. Um excuse yourself or not. Um, it's up to you. Um, you could even take a bathroom break if that helps. Um, you can also have like a pre-planned exit strategy. If you get too overwhelmed and you feel like you need to leave, um, you know, I'm famous at the uh Irish goodbye, as it's called, just leaving. Um, in a way that yeah, in a way that doesn't draw attention to myself. Sometimes I'll overstay because I don't want attention drawn to myself. Um, but if I can find a way to just kind of slide on out.
SPEAKER_01Um conversation, you just turn around and walk.
SPEAKER_00No words, just stand there like this and Scooby-doo on over. And the person's just there like, what? Yeah, gotcha. Um another thing that you can do is um you can set a time in advance for when you're going to be leaving. So if you're going to be joining a bunch of people, you might even say, Hey, yeah, I can go, but um, I'm gonna be leaving at nine o'clock or whatever it is. Of course, you can always leave earlier if you want, but if you set that expectation um in advance, it can make you feel more comfortable and people aren't surprised. Um, another thing, yeah.
SPEAKER_01That reminds me of a thing I saw like an internet meme a while ago, where if you don't if someone's calling and you don't you know you don't really want to talk on the phone, but it could be important, answer the phone by saying, Hey, my phone's about to die, what's up? So you can just end the call whenever you want.
SPEAKER_00Your phone what is about to die?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. Like, hey, my phone's about to die. And then you just if they just decide to ask you the one question and then ramble infinitely about I don't know who said what online about what celebrity for an hour, and then you could just hang up, like, I guess my phone died, sorry. Right, more introvert tips here, guys.
SPEAKER_00We're teaching you how to lie.
SPEAKER_01I think that's a mess.
SPEAKER_00All right. Um, so you can use um, I think in uh social at social gatherings there are ways of dealing with your um need to stim. You can um, you know, kind of just move from one foot to another. If you want to carry stimming tools again, um like my little neat-cat or any of my other little things, or just something that you um play with, um, you know, you can do that. But again, stepping out for a break or you know, just rubbing your face, crossing your arms, doing things like this. Um again, you you um have to develop ways of coping with it that make you feel comfortable, but not at the risk of um not being your authentic self. Um and then you can do things like getting a drink of water, um, taking some deep breaths, or again, removing yourself from the situation and finding a quiet space like the bathroom or going outside. Um if you're masking by not engaging in eye contact, you can use proactive um or active listening strategies like you know, by nodding or oh yeah, you know, to let people know that you are listening even though you aren't you know staring into their souls. All right, that's all I have.
SPEAKER_01Okay. So another place in which a person might mask versus cope is perhaps at work. We spoke about a social gathering. Now, what if you're struggling to focus at work? Well, um you know it's easy to stare at a screen and pretend that you're working, uh you know, trying to hide the fact that you've reread the same paragraph six times.
SPEAKER_00Or not even realizing that you reread the same paragraph six times.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01In in meetings, as a for instance, uh, you could deliberately look at a meeting presenter or the presentation just as a way of hiding the fact that you're distracted. Because you know, if you're distracted, you might be inclined to look around or tap or fidget or whatever, but forcing that, yes, I am absolutely paying attention because my eyes are in that direction. Asking, don't do it.
SPEAKER_00So something that you can do um to help with that, like a good coping mechanism for you know, the whole being bored at a meeting and staring at the presenter and being afraid that you're just gonna zone out, is um when they're making long points or whatever, summarize them, you know, take notes um and just keep taking notes. That way it helps you to stay engaged and to be thoughtful. Um you can ask for an agenda in advance, or after the fact, you can ask for an email summary just in case you did miss any of the points. Um I think that if you're uh focused on that person, maybe you know, some people stimming helps, other people. I think you told me, Jason, that um certain stimming or OCD type um things will distract you even more. But for some people, um stimming can help them stay focused. Um, you know, you can um in other work situations where you might suffer from sensory overload and things like that, you can ask for a quieter workspace that can help you cope better with the demands of office work. Um God, I feel like I'm droning on. Um, but good examples. Thank you. Um, and then um when you're just staring at your monitor and you're reading the same um paragraph repeatedly, whether you realize it or not, a good thing to do in a situation like that might be to switch to a different task for a period of time. Um you might use a timer to keep you like on task, that can be helpful. Um and again, you know, a good thing maybe might be to stand up, walk around, take a restroom break or something like that to sort of recalibrate.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, all good things.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. All right, so why does this matter?
SPEAKER_01Well, more than just informational purposes, but there is a cost of masking.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_01So with people who are autistic or ADHD, uh, you can get burnout trying to be someone that you're not, because you have all of these stressors or tendencies or desires or whatever that are just all of it's being bottled up, suppressed, and that takes a lot of energy to do. Bipolar, if you have bipolar disorder, you can also get hit with a depressive episode knowing that you can't be you or keeping the mania in control.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_01You want to go back and forth?
SPEAKER_00Oh, sure, why not? So the power of coping in this situation is that um it's a more sustainable way of managing your energy. Um, I still, I mean, despite my best intentions, I do still suffer sometimes with burnout or um depressive episodes. Of course, as I keep repeating, medication helps with these things. However, um if you utilize coping mechanisms, they truly do or truly can help you manage your energy and use it um in more effective or more um maybe effective is the word I'm looking for, more effective ways.
SPEAKER_01Okay. So cost of masking. You lose your sense of self, you are confused in the sense you don't know who you are, your true self is being hidden, you have shallow relationships as a result, it rakes who you are and your understanding of who you are.
SPEAKER_00Mm-hmm. So by coping, you're going to have a stronger sense of identity, and what comes along with having a stronger sense of identity oftentimes can be a stronger sense of self-worth. Um, you learn to like yourself for who you are by allowing yourself to be who you are.
SPEAKER_01And as we sort of mentioned before, this masking thing can create exhaustion over long periods of time and anxiety. So you're basically hiding yourself, which can delay recognition of symptoms, even getting a diagnosis, because you don't you don't know you. So, you know, how might a doctor if you're hiding everything?
SPEAKER_00Right. Um, so by coping, you're going to have reduced anxiety. Um, your emotional regulation will be more on point. Um you're just again, I mean, I hate to sound like work and record, but you're allowing yourself to be you um and experience what you experience, which is important. Um, I think I missed a point um earlier when you said um you were talking about losing yourself, hiding your truth. Oh, maybe not. Never mind.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_00I was reading the same paragraph six times without realizing it.
SPEAKER_01Why this matters, as we're saying, masking, you feel like nobody knows the real you. Like you're losing yourself with the masking, foretasking, constantly having to be asking.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's all and by employing coping mechanisms so you allow people to get to know you better, your relationships are built on authenticity rather than some false narrative of who people think you are. Um you really allow your authentic self to shine through. Um, and you know, it it I feel like by utilizing coping mechanisms, it really is freeing. Um it's almost like um breaking through a mask, so to speak, and the sunlight shines through, and you're just like, oh that's what happens. That is exactly what happens. It really is freeing to utilize coping mechanisms rather than spending the rest of your life masking. So I like to think of masking as um something that has kept you safe for many years because you know, again, whether you were aware of it or not, you know, it it was in an odd way something that was a self-preserver, uh, a life preserver. However, you were just surviving. Um, but coping helps you to actually live, um, let you be you and let you enjoy life. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so neurodivergence is it's it's a lot, as anyone here who's experienced any form of neurodivergence knows. It's a lot, but it does not define you, you define you.
SPEAKER_00So true.
SPEAKER_01So be your most authentic self.
SPEAKER_00Yep. Um, and we're not saying it's easy um or anything like that. It for some people, especially after you've been doing it for so long. I mean, I'm 61 and as recently as you know, three or four months ago, I was still doing a little bit of masking um after being thwarted by trying to be my authentic self. Not thwarted, but um I had my real self um sequestered.
SPEAKER_01I don't know, huh?
SPEAKER_00Sequestered, yeah. Um, so ignored or thought of as strange. So what I did in that situation, the best thing for me, the best way of coping with that was just to remove myself from the situation, and so that's what I did, and I found that that was so much better for my mental health. Um so I guess uh that's it for me. Any final thoughts?
SPEAKER_01Final thoughts? No, not really.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so um, in the next episode, what we're going to be talking about is something that you see me do often during these podcasts if you actually get to watch them. Um, and even though Jason might not realize his restlessness is a sign of it as well, um constantly moving and that kind of stuff.
SPEAKER_01Um I've been doing that. Am I restless? I think I'm restless.
SPEAKER_00I think you're restless.
SPEAKER_01Um I know, yeah. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Uh anyway, so in the next episode, we're going to be talking about stimming. What it is, what it does, why we do it, all that fun stuff. So until next time. Bye from me.
SPEAKER_01Bye.
SPEAKER_00Bye.
unknownBye.
