I'm "Fine" . . . I Think . . .

She has the business. The reputation. The life that looks exactly like it should from the outside.

And on the inside — she is melting.

This is the story nobody tells about success. The loneliness that lives behind the highlight reel. The disconnection that grows quietly underneath a woman who has learned, above all else, to hold it together.

In this episode, Nicole Morris sits down with entrepreneur Veronica Terrazas to pull back the curtain on the facade of strength that so many women carry — and what it really costs to keep it in place. Together they explore what happens when you've become so good at appearing fine that you can no longer hear your own voice. 

This isn't a conversation about falling apart. It's a conversation about what it takes to finally be honest about what's already broken — and why that honesty is the beginning of everything. 

If you've ever smiled through something that was silently undoing you — this episode was made for you.

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📖 Ready to go deeper? Grab Nicole's book — It's Not Me, It's You — available now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, BAM, and everywhere books are sold.

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💌 Have a story to share or want to be a guest on a future season? Reach out at info@labelsbegone.com 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

In this episode, we sit down with a woman who lost her own identity in the middle of building up everything else around her. Today, we find her in the middle of rebuilding it all, but this time on her turn. Listen in.

SPEAKER_02 0:15

Hey everybody, welcome to today's episode of the permission slip. I am your host, Nicole Lynn Boris. I am the author of the amazingly groundbreaking book, It's Not Me, It's You. I am the founder of Labels Be Gone, where the purpose of both Labels Be Gone and It's Not Me, It's You is to tell people my story about how I spent so much of my life allowing other people's expectations, other people's needs to cloud who I thought I was. So much so that when I looked in the mirror, it was not my reflection that I saw. It was everybody else's expectations. Hence the book title, It's Not Me, it's you, Take Their Labels Off. Because I went through a process of taking their labels off so that I could clearly and truly understand who I was and decide who I wanted to be and how I wanted to show up in all those places. So supporting that, I think, is a much needed conversation with life, like real life examples of people, women and men from all walks of life and all backgrounds who have or are experiencing similar things. And so that's the point of the permission slip. On the permission slip, we're gonna have real transparent conversations about our process, me and my guests, about our processes that we went through to understand who we really are and really just be authentic because I think a lot of times it's difficult for us to identify ourselves in the moment because we're so used to just going. So, that being said, today I am so excited to be joined by none other than Veronica Lopez. Now, Veronica and I, we go way, way back to where we both had different last names for different reasons, hence why we needed permission to take some of those labels off from some of those things. And Veronica and I, I'm gonna let her tell her about, tell her about, tell you guys about herself. But when I met her, long story short, she was building a national insurance practice. She was thriving, um, probably one of the most powerful business leaders that we know today, walking alongside them, just doing really amazing things, all at the same time, being married, being a wife, holding it together. Um, and this is what we do, a lot of us do um in one form or fashion, different level of successes, but we hold it together and we meet these needs and we become these people, and then we kind of lose sight of ourselves. And so um today's topic is really going to be talking about I I call it faking like I'm fine, right? Or like, yeah, am I fine? Do I do do I know that I'm fine? Like what is fine, but I'm fine, but I'm amazing, I'm good, I'm whatever. And so without further ado, Veronica, thank you, thank you, thank you so much. Thank you so much for working through all the hiccups with me so far today for giving me your time, and I'll let you talk to the people and tell them who you are.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

Well, I appreciate your time and I appreciate the invite. And yes, we do go a long time from back in the day, right? Way back. I think I was still in my late 20s or early 40s, and it's just crazy like where we are, and yes, we have different lost names. It's very interesting. But yeah, I was building an insurance agency out in the Chicagoland and Midwest area, right? And so I had an insurance, did life insurance for 15 years, and I've transitioned and uh I you know, I was talking about it today, where it's like I feel like women sometimes have to morph themselves into like we morph to different levels or different aspects of our life. And so I currently um I've always planned events, I've always done the um conventions and things like that, and so I've transitioned to in the last five years, I've been doing multi-day conferences. So I own an event planning business, Events by Veronica, based out in Houston, but available like nationwide where I go anywhere and everywhere. Um, I've done I've done events where I'm in Nashville or Atlanta, Orlando, LA, all these different um areas. And so now I've been able to almost figure a little bit more about me and what I really love to do. And I've always loved planning, but this has turned into even, you know, wedding planning is one of the my main focuses throughout the year. And so I do a lot of those. I think last year I did over 40 of them alone. And so yeah, it's pretty, it's pretty fun. So to be able to do that. And just, you know, the hustle and bustle of having children and wearing different hats, and you know, sometimes everything's fine, everything's okay, and we got under control. And sometimes it's there's moments where it's uh it's a very interesting dynamic. But that is what I do. Uh, I do event planning and I still do the multi-day conferences out here in in Houston and different places, and so enjoy it fully. I completely enjoy. I enjoy the insurance business, but I really enjoy the event planning business because every one of them is so different and every client is so different, and working with people is one of my favorite things to do.

SPEAKER_02 5:31

So, like, this is like, see, so when I reached out to you to have this particular conversation, I just knew, and I told you in the car while we were talking, and I was like, you know, both of us have just now I know, like, even more so how similar our stories are to tap into the skill set that you need to because you had a thriving practice. I remember like you had a really thriving practice, and I think on the outside for people for me, I had a I had a thriving career working where I was working or doing what I was doing. And so I think the respect and admiration at the time was mutual, but I can honestly say, like, man, I wish I could do what she's doing because I felt like I couldn't branch out beyond even like a certain a certain place, even in what I was doing. And so um, wow, to know that like you have completely transitioned into something that requires a whole a whole different part of yourself. But at that time, I'm looking at you, right? And I'm like, man, this is this and this is this and this is this. And really, you like you were doing the epitome at that time of faking fine. Because if you were like it's such a change, I guess is is what I'm seeing to go from like that that whole numbers-based driven to being something that's like completely creative. So where like what made you go into that space? Because then I'll talk a little bit about what made me go into the spaces that I went to. Because for me, it was a thing, it was a combination for me of yeah, childhood, grooming, education, and then I started, I got married early and I started having children. And so my responsibility started making choices for me, but it wasn't really authentic to who I was, even though I was still doing all of these things. So, talk a little, how did you get into that space and like what did that take? And how did you notice like what was in you? Because I think that's what I want people to really come away from these conversations with is evaluating themselves. Maybe they're also in a pocket where they don't belong, or it's not gonna be that way now, and they need to start examining themselves. What was that like? Like, how did you get in that into that insurance space?

SPEAKER_01 7:57

Uh okay, so I started in the insurance industry very early on. I was maybe close to 20, maybe, and I just kind of fell into it, right? And I started building or started learning about the insurance business. I had been in the mortgage industry prior, and then I just started doing the insurance. It just kind of held fell hand in hand, I guess you could say. And then I get married when I'm 25 and I start having kids, right? And I had my first child, I was 27. And now it's like not only am I running a business, I'm also now mom. And or not only am I running a business, I'm a wife, and now I'm a mom. And um, and so it was great to be able to have some kind of flexibility. I ended up having two kids before the age of 30, um, and a third one later on, and you know, but having two kids and them growing in with like it was like we were both growing at the same time, growing the business and growing, you know, family and all that good stuff. And so wearing those hats. And in that same realm of the insurance industry, we have to hold a lot of conferences, hold a lot of trainings, hold a lot of, you know, plan and prepare different different things. And so I naturally fell into the planning and uh aspect, but I've always had like it's very interesting. I ended up planning my sister's wedding in 2013, I want to say, and then ended up planning my best friend's wedding and my CEO's wedding. So 2009, 2013, 2014, I ended up planning these big weddings and I was in different cities, um, and I just fell in love with planning and and doing that side of things, right? And so um you fast forward, we go through COVID, we go through all of these changes. Like, I mean, I ended up, I mean, you know, when you are uh you have children, sometimes the weight gain, all that stuff, right? At 37, all of the above, I mean, postpartum hit me. I didn't even realize I was going through postpartum, but postpartum hit me, you know, all that stuff. But I think I I it wasn't until it's interesting that you say about childhood, um, it wasn't until I turned 37. So when I was 10, my dad passed away. My dad was 37 when he passed. Okay. So when I hit 37 years old, I'm like, oh my gosh, I made it. Like, I want to go. Like, what else do I do? So I ended up like during COVID, I ended up working out, losing 75 pounds. I mean, all his stuff just totally changed who I was.

SPEAKER_02 10:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:36

You know, who yeah. So I totally changed who I was and how I felt, more importantly, how I felt and what I wanted to live life and all that stuff. So that naturally, it almost like kicked in gear of saying, okay, what else? What else am I gonna do? Am I gonna really just stick to the insurance? And obviously, um in my personal life, there was a lot of things going on as well. My marriage was crumbling all at the same time, and it was it was it was just a lot of things happening, and so um I ended up getting um a job, which I I had run a business. What do you mean I'm gonna work for somebody, right? So with all that, and and and but here's the thing, I wasn't scared of it. I don't know if that makes sense. Like I wasn't scared of a change, of a shift, of a okay, something new. So I ended up getting a job to run the event side of of the cup of a company. And so I ended up running these events and conferences, and it just morphed where it was like, okay, I can do this on my own. I can really, you know, I can really do this on my own. And so I've been hired to do, you know, these leadership conferences, and I'm the liaison between all these different companies. But it was, but even though I'll tell you, even though I'm going and going with the inj with the with the business and stuff, there are moments where I'm just like, what is going on? Shifts in hormones and body and the whole nine. And you're just like, what is going on? And that has affected a lot of my mental state, to be honest with you. And even so, right?

SPEAKER_02 12:23

Because we have these, I I have a few people who I've known like you for a long time. And whenever we talk, it's like we pick back up where we were before, and we always had transparent conversations about how we were really feeling. We were always able to connect on that thing. And so going back, you kind of um you listed a few things, right, that I think people can identify with. You said I was a mom, then I I was a wife, and then I was an entrepreneur. And falling naturally into those things almost made you like a taskmaster, yes, where you could compartmentalize your emotions. And so talk to me a little bit about why were you why were you fine, right? Like you were fine, but it wasn't, excuse me, yeah, getting over a coat, but you weren't authentically being yourself, but you were still fine. And did you even notice it in the moment that you weren't authentically being yourself? It was just like I'm getting through. So what was that like? Because there was obviously a disconnect somewhere because a switch flipped for you somewhere.

SPEAKER_01 13:47

Yeah. I honestly I think at the core I've always been me of who I am with my heart and all that stuff. At the core, I don't, I don't think that has changed, but I think on who I had to be for so many, it was like I was leader, I was this, I was mom, I was, you know, and taken care of. And it felt like I could what I could do beforehand, where it was like I compartmentalized, or I've I always reminded myself, it's gonna be okay. Everything it's gonna work out. Like I had to, it's almost like I had to say that and I had to believe it to keep moving forward, to keep moving on. What's next? And it's always a what's needed and what's next, you know?

SPEAKER_02 14:29

And so I had to believe it because what would have happened? What like what would have happened if you if if you did it, if you stopped?

SPEAKER_01 14:38

It's a crumble. I would have, I would have, would have not been able, I would have crumbled. I would have completely um, I don't know, I couldn't, I wouldn't be able to function if if I didn't remind myself that things were okay. And the emotional side of things, because naturally I am a very emotional person and sometimes even reactive. So I just I have to take a step back and just kind of go, okay, what is this happening? What is and process things, right? And now I realize it, but in those moments, that's not what I realized who I was. It was just go, go, go, because you had to. Like you can't, you can't not change a diaper, you can't not feed the kid, you can't like step away for a you know, if you don't have a system running for a business, you can't step away the way that you want to and have the business room by itself. You have to constantly be, be, be, be, be. And it's always and it's always a phone, right? Like everybody always needs you, right? So it was it's always on, on, on. And so who takes care of the one who takes care of other people? So that also I let myself go where it was like I wasn't necessarily taking care of me. I was taking care of everyone and everything else that needed to be taken care of in my eyes. Like if I didn't do it, excuse me.

SPEAKER_02 16:00

So, in saying that, is that what made it feel like though everything was fine? Because I remember there was a part, right? So, because I think what what you just described, and I think what I lived for a long time, I was so disconnected from myself because I attached my perception of everything is fine to how everybody else around me was doing, everybody else that I was responsible for. So if the bills were paid, then I was fine. If my children were happy, then I was fine. My husband at the time was just, he was just kind of there. Like he was part of the pieces that I moved in order to make sure that everything was fine. Um, so I knew he was like an afterthought in terms of if he was okay, then I was fine. But it was like as long as we weren't fighting, that's the way to say it. As long as he and I weren't fighting, then we were fine. As long as my mom was okay, or as long as my I had a little, I have a little sister. As long as my sister was okay, then I was fine. And nowhere at the at the consciousness of any of those considerations did I think about me. Right. Except that I was propping up what everybody else needed from me. And then the weight gain, right? And then, and then, because I'm an afterthought even in my own story.

SPEAKER_01 17:28

Yeah, that is 100% how it is. You think of everybody else, and as long as everyone else is okay, then I'm good. Okay. And you can and again, I'm gonna go back to that. It's the convincing of like you you subconsciously convince yourself that okay, everyone else is okay. All right, I'm all right. And I'm not the only one, and you can see both of us here. I think a lot of women go through this part. Yep. I watched my mother go through this part, you know, after my father died and everything. It was she with four kids, and you know, where now at 70, she is taking care of herself, and I'm still proud of her for doing that, you know? No way.

SPEAKER_02 18:08

So my mom is like literally, I was talking to my mom today, and my dad, my dad was around, but he, you know, was a drug addict. I talk about this in the book, and so, you know, he went and was just off into what he was off into. And I'm so grateful that my mother just decided she was like, this is not gonna be ours or my children's like future. And so I'm just gonna go do something. But part of that, part of my mom, and you can tell me if this is true for your mom, I know, but part of my mom was her smushing herself down and her never actually having dealt with her childhood trauma and the stuff that happened to her. We ended up um having like an unhealthy relationship for a for a while because um sometimes, you know, like we treat our parents as if like they're almost like mini-gods, right? Like deities. And so it's difficult to kind of come against that. They don't want to come down. And at another point, like we like I'm grown and I want to be respected as a whole person, but I had this idea of her as a deity, so I couldn't see her as a human being to think about the things that had happened to her that might shape how she behaved. And so for a for a minute, um, when I started learning how to set boundaries with people, our relationship got tough because I had to set boundaries with her. And it's honestly like 20 years, right? But now at 71, my mom is learn if she is like, no, I'm not gonna have that in my life. No, I'm not gonna do this. No, I'm not gonna do that. And I'm like, holy cow! So when you said your mom at 70, I'm like, shoot, I was just talking to my mom about that now. But why? Because she was faking fine. I know my mom, my mom was suppressing her trauma. Yeah. She dealt with some, but she couldn't really handle a lot of it. So honestly, one of the best things she did for me was to, I still had a lot of trauma growing up, but I didn't have what she had. And so she further positioned herself to protect me from some of the things that she had so that I had the emotional and metaphysical capacity to go back and deal with myself and say molestation at six, six somebody successfully raped me by 13, became sexually promiscuous and judged myself because I grew up, I'm, you know, was in the church, and so I had all these, like all of these narratives. I had the space to go deal with myself because of what she ultimately protected me from, and she didn't. And now it's almost like we reverse roles, where yeah, she got to see me heal for 20 years, and so now she's healing. And I'm sorry, I just kind of went on a tangent, but like that is.

SPEAKER_01 20:53

But that's true because I think it's also generational. What we're taught from generations, what they were taught in their generation from their moms, and how to like you're you're you're supposed to be strong, you're supposed to not use it. And let anybody, yeah, you can't let anybody see you like shaken or like hurt or like we have to be the tough as tough as men are. Some women women have to go.

SPEAKER_02 21:19

Because men, men, men have men have the power. A lot of things that they do, they do for women. So indirectly, women have the power, but you know, just the patriarchal society that we're in, it's always a battle. It's a battle as an outright battle, or it's a battle of the manipula the manipulation.

SPEAKER_01 21:42

So I agree. I agree. No, and so they all they knew was okay, that's what they saw, that's what they were told. You have to sit this way, do this way, da da da. You know what I mean? And so I think they passed that on to us, where this, these generations. I have I have a I have two girls. I have a I have a son and I have two girls, all right? And so just what they're exposed to, all of my children.

unknown 22:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:10

And I think your children are a little bit older than mine, but even the difference between their exposure and my kids' exposure is completely different. And so I think nowadays we're we're more we're talking more about our our mental state, our feelings, our where before it was like, no, no, you gotta keep going. And you can you just endure.

SPEAKER_02 22:32

And so yeah, so you just our mothers just endured. Like for us, it was the strong black woman, right? And um, I know what it was in your culture, but I like um you know, I know you guys will kick somebody's ass. I'm not ashamed, like, hey, this this is like real talk. So the permission slip, y'all kick somebody's ass. Like everybody, you know, every cultural there, there's ideals about who people or ideas about who people are aren't. But I know like things like that, that's strong black women. I think for white women, it's like they're they're perfect, they're the Barbie dolls, right? And so they are man, this is deep. And all of it led to disconnecting, right? So essentially, like we were trained to disconnect from ourselves, yeah, and to compartmentalize and push it down.

SPEAKER_01 23:23

Yeah, and you know, I think now your mom and my mom with going with, I mean, your your platform is a permission slip, right? They now feel like they have the permission to now take care of themselves. Everybody else is good to go. Like they've kind of seen where it's like, okay, my son, my daughter, they they've got their life, they're good. Okay. Uh there are some little things that they're working on, but that's fine. Okay, this is for me now. This is for me now, and they're doing it. And God bless them. And and I I respect it, I love it. I'm so proud of you know, my mom even realizing and setting boundaries. It's crazy. She's now she sets boundaries now and she realizes stuff, and I'm just like, yeah, it's not it's not fighting, right?

SPEAKER_02 24:07

Well, I know for me and my mom, me and my mom, we would go at it, right?

SPEAKER_01 24:10

So my mom and I always had a really good, you know, relationship. I'm the oldest daughter, so it's like it just, you know, like we've always had a good, but but I also have a very big personality, and my mom's more like, hey, calm down, it's okay. Yeah, so it's she's more like that. But then I have a sister as well, and so we all we all have such a different personality. But yes, like that is that is what they're doing. So I'm learning from her. Needless to say, like, I'm learning from her and going, okay, I'm in my 40s. If my mom at 70 is taking care of herself, what do I need to do? What needs to happen? What like you know, just learning from what she did. Could she have done it sooner? Would she have done it sooner if she had the ability to or the know-how or all that stuff? And so now it's more like looking inward and going, okay, Veronica, what do you need to do to take care of you have with everything else going on as well? Let me ask you something.

SPEAKER_02 25:07

Would you do anything like knowing what you know now? Would you do anything different over the last 15, 20 years?

SPEAKER_01 25:16

No. What I don't regret because I don't regret. I think in the moment that I made decisions for myself, I felt those were the best decisions for me. Yep. And if I had not made those decisions, I wouldn't have learned it, even if they were not the best, or or or maybe I should have done it a little differently, or what have you. Had I not made those decisions, I don't think that I would have learned the lessons I learned or had created who I am now. So no, I don't regret any. I don't think I would have done anything differently. Could there have been little things like here and there and stuff? Yeah, great. But I don't think I would as a whole, I don't think I really would have done anything differently. I could have made better decisions when probably didn't know, didn't like there was a doubt, you know? Yeah. But overall, I'm grateful for the lessons. I'm grateful for who I've become and who I'm still becoming and learning to be. Again, it's the I think there's like teenage years, 20s, here's 40s, and then there's 60s and here and beyond, where we're like morphing into newer versions or different versions of ourselves. Same core, but I think it's still newer versions of how to be.

SPEAKER_02 26:35

Yeah, I always say like um, I think that I get better with time. And so I don't mind like celebrating my birthday. I don't mind like I I am I feel like getting older is a um is a privilege that everybody is afforded. Um and so I feel like it's not it's a privilege that not everybody is afforded. And so I'm always I'm grateful. Like I'm grateful to I'm grateful for my mistakes. And the thing I always say to people is like, if you like who you are today, then everything that happened to you before, it took that happening for you to be who you are today. And and if you want to change some things about who you are today, then you know, get you know, you can get to work.

SPEAKER_01 27:26

Yeah. You can get to work. I agree with that. I definitely agree with that. There are again growth, we don't know it all. I mean, it's growth, right? And it's continuous growth and continuous improvement on things that we want to better in our life.

SPEAKER_02 27:42

Make better. I think so I titled this, I titled this uh this episode um fine, I think. Right? Because I think a lot of people are high functioning, compartmentalized, ignoring themselves because it is what they know how to do. Yeah, so I want to ask you did you ever have a moment of consciousness or something that clicked where you realize that maybe what you were doing, like was there ever friction in like how you were like just internal friction between like what your day-to-day was, right? Because we're talking like like a lot of us, like we're fine, we think, but how did how did you know to start looking for that? For me, I always talk about I was always chasing something like there was for me, there was like something inside of me that just it just didn't match. Like it felt off. I was doing what I had to do though, so I was committed to my children, I was committed to my family at the time, I was committed to all those things, but there was just still something I I was I was seeking out, like I didn't feel oneness, and it wasn't like just a one event thing that happened, it was over time I was constantly seeking something. Do you have a similar experience? Or did you have kind of just one event that's like, you know what, maybe I should go in this different direction? Like you said, you were imposed part of them. You like listed these things. So, like, how did you how did your consciousness about okay, your definition of fine, how did that change?

SPEAKER_01 29:34

I don't think it was one event, I think it really did happen over time. One of the things that you had sent me was like the disconnection, and I felt very disconnected. I still was doing what I had to do and being mom and everything. And this more recently, going through the separation, going through and and my kids were little, like um, you know, I have a what was it? Twenty-two, four years ago, let's just say, about four years ago. My youngest was three, and my others were ten and twelve, and I was still being mom, but how do I parent my soon-to-be teenagers? How do I parent but it was a disconnect of like just literally going through motions and not I don't know, just being alone, like I when you know when silence is deafening? Like just being here home by myself, no noise, no nothing, no kids, and I don't know, it's uh it's it's it's hard. Those those moments of like it's I don't know, it just happened over time with and I'm trying to like explain to you, but even going back to those moments, it's hard. How how did you find the courage to change it? I think I still dig for the courage to keep changing, to keep getting out. Do you know what I mean? Like, I don't think it's something that well I got out of it, you know. I think I'm still going through that to, you know, show up. Show up for me, show up. I mean, for me, it's like a workout in the morning is important, you know, like show up for yourself, right? My kids' activities are important, show up for that, like just that. I ended up, I will I will tell you, with so many changes, I ended up learning what an anxiety attack was and how panic attacks like I had never in my life experienced anything like that, had no clue. And you know, here's the thing. Let me rephrase that. I think back when I was younger, I did, but I didn't realize what it was. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_02 32:00

Like a panic attack, like the way that I like we're we're talking this whole time, we're talking about unconsciously living and just picking up the pieces and going anyway. So no, absolutely no. I don't think I've ever experienced one, but I have experienced a lot of other things that started with me just I'm going anyway.

SPEAKER_01 32:22

Yeah. And I'll tell you, like anxiety attack to where it paralyzes you. Like you can't move. That's happened to me a handful of times. And just I think for me, it's realizing, okay, this is a new thing for me. How do how do I manage it? How do I, what are my triggers? What are my how do I back off of it? And I'm still learning how to cope with that. You're still giving yourself permission. That's right.

SPEAKER_02 32:50

To not have to have it all together. Yeah. Because that's that's what that comes from. My my story with that anyway, is that when I gave myself permission, you actually, you know what? It was two things that happened for me. My current husband challenged me, right? He like challenged, he held me accountable for me. And nobody had ever done that before. I had been everybody's answer for my adult life. And my current husband was the first one to come in and be like, you are not taking care of yourself, and I have a problem with you for not taking care of yourself. And so I got in trouble. He's the only person, but you know, he's the only man probably on the planet that I could get in trouble with. My dad is deceased. And even then, my dad didn't raise me, so you know, I'd be looking at him like, yeah, okay, whatever. Um, but my husband is the one, but it's because of the way how transformatively he loved me and held me accountable to me. But before that, that that didn't exist. That didn't exist for me. It did, it just was like I'm just gonna go through and I thought I thought the strength was a virtue, and I'm not saying that it's not a virtue, but it is not the only virtue, it's not the only virtue.

SPEAKER_01 34:27

I agree with you. I agree with you 100%. 100%, and it's true, because we are strong, but then who's also when we're not strong enough, who can help us be stronger? Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_02 34:42

Like I think that's what's got it's like um if you think like the video games, like I always I give analogies about like the video games sometimes, like I'm running and I'm running, like I I done got hit by a fireball or something, like you know, and so my life count went down. I gotta go find a banana to eat it to give my life count back up. And sometimes, you know, sometimes in like some of the modern games, if you just stay away from danger long enough, your life count naturally goes back up. Sometimes you can go back out and find a supply kit, right? Sometimes you can go and touch a friend or touch one of your comrades, and they can give you life. And I think that is very true for how we are today. Um, and you have to know, but it starts with like that self-awareness. It starts with that self-awareness, it starts with being okay, not being okay. It starts with, and sometimes like I even for some people who have become so dependent on my strength, I had to, and and and I'm saying this because I know a lot of people are going to have to do the same thing if they go down this journey. I had to force my I had to force my vulnerability down their throat. And I had to go, I am hurting. And right now, I need me more than you need me. And so I and so I had it was almost like a battle over me. It was a battle for me, like it was a battle over me with those people for whom number one. Well, I tricked myself, right? Like you said, like we trained ourselves. I thought I was strong, I taught them to be codependent on my strength. And now I'm over here and they're looking at me like, Wait minute, girl, like you're the one that hold it all together. Like, hold on, no, I need you to be an answer. And I'm like, bro, like I'm bleeding out over here, and so I'm gonna have to stop it. And so I'm saying that to some people because like if this is work that you decide to do with really exploring that little voice, because I think it's a voice inside, because that's really what I'm where I want to get into. Like, I, you know, for me, I just was always chasing some things like like I was doing enough, right? So I, you know, taking care of the family, growing in the career. Um, I was doing those things, but then there was always something else that I was just kind of seeking out. And so for the people who want to kind of go on that journey of the authentic seek and giving yourself permission, like, no, you still gotta hold it together. Like, you can't let your family fall apart, you can't let your, but start carving out a little space for you. Pay attention, pay attention to those voices, pay attention to that, whatever that is that has you going out for more, create healthy balances, give yourself room to not be okay. Find the people that replenish you or the spaces, the quietness. It's okay to carve that out, um, and do that for yourself. Um, and then from there, so like for me, right, I turned it into this book, it's not me, it's you, take their labels off. And it's actually gonna be a series of books. And so I actually may want to pull you into the second series because the second series is gonna be called the second book, it's gonna be called Breaking the Rules of the Roles. Mom, wife, daughter, cousins, all those things, right? And I think I want that to be kind of a collaborative effort, probably. But now, so we're dealing with the labels, right, that we've taken off from other people. Now we're gonna start dealing with the roles that we play and how those affix labels to us. But for me, really giving myself permission to do that work, to fall apart, to listen to people, my husband who was holding me accountable for not taking care of myself, gave me the space to finally create this platform and birth this book. I love that. You you are you know doing your best. So talk to us a little bit about how you transitioned out as we kind of wind up the show and leave people with some nuggets. But like, so doing this led you to where?

SPEAKER_01 38:52

Um discovering more of me, being okay with being alone, like being okay with being in a silent place. I don't know if that makes sense. Like now it's not lonely, like just these different transitions of like what was causing anxiety beforehand is now starting to transition to I'm okay with being taking a moment for myself. I'm I'm okay with this is okay. I am okay with that. I am okay with um stepping outside of my comfort zone, to trusting my gut more, to to um, I don't know, breaking some barrier sometimes, um, setting boundaries and then breaking barriers. I don't know if that makes sense. But but yes. What's a barrier that you've um broken? Uh honestly, for me, it's been the taking care of me. I think that is a big one for me, versus just kind of like, all right, well, I'll eat last or I'll eat whatever's up. You know, even those little things where it's like, no, here's healthy food.

SPEAKER_02 39:57

It's a tiny, like something like so I'll look tiny things, okay? When me and my husband first got together, right? And I would fix our foods, I would give him the big fork. And I would give me the little fork. It's a tiny thing.

SPEAKER_01 40:13

I give us both the big fork. Why not? Right? And it's those things, it's it's so subtle. I think a lot of the tools we think barriers are these big things we need to, but they're subtle ones that's just like, okay, what's next? What's next? Right. And so I'm learning how to I sometimes had to unlearn some of the things that I had learned in order for me to move forward and break those like you know, barriers and stuff. And so just continuing to be that example, even for my kids. Listen, I'm I'm working a lot more than I beforehand. It was business, like I could bring my kids. This is not how it is now. Like, so my kids are it's very different, but I want to be that example that they see and they go, Mom works, mom gets it done. Like if they need something done, they know they can come to mom and they go, Mom, can you help me with right? And open that. And and so it's those things and continuing that way and improving as as a woman, as a as a mom, you know, as but I think the number one thing as a woman, because if I can improve that, I can improve every other hat that I wear, if that makes sense. So that's something that I've learned for myself because it it isn't like I have to improve as a partner or I have to improve as a mom, and I have to improve after all of these things first. So that's one of the things that I've learned that given myself that permission to say, you've got to take care of you a lot first, not to say that you disregard everyone. It's just you still have it's almost simultaneously, you have to still take care of what you need to take care of, but a lot of it has to be here and here and here. What do I and literally let me tell you one of the things? I think this was this has been a key for me. I cut the fat so fast, meaning, like I will set a boundary so fast with somebody who does not bring any little to no value or brings negativity or brings crap in my life. I'm okay. And that could be somebody in my family or anything like that, and I love them, I will always love them. That doesn't mean I don't. I just, this is not something that I need right now because I'm going through a whole transformation for me. And then accepting people for who they are, so we don't set high expectations or expectations at all and just kind of go, okay, that's that's who you are. Cool, that's what I can count on from you. We're good. And I'm not disappointed, and I'm okay. You do you. I'm here. You need me? Call me. But boundaries are super important, and cutting off people that don't bring positive things in life, I am A-OK with doing that. Love them.

SPEAKER_02 43:02

It's non-necessary, non-value, and I love it. You was like, I cut the fat. And see, you know what? That's how you pause, right? You pause to kind of clean that up. But I think that's part of the, I love that you said you cut the fat, right? Because I think the reality is that the difference between people who grow and people who may get stuck is that we're kind of tiptoeing around. Like one of the next episodes that I'm going to record is going to be talking about walking on eggshells. And I think the reality is we need to be able to have those real conversations because people who are growing, we are cutting the fat. And we're we're having those real kind of direct conversations and calling it fat behind the scenes. And we're packaging it differently because it's how the rest of the world needs to see it. But I think it's also part of the reason why we have allowed ourselves to get tricked, is because we keep trying to package things the right way. So listen, girl cut the fat, take the labels off, tell the, you know, uh people go over. In count something, I think for me it's all about like this is why it's called the permission slip because I remember it's like it's like it's like the world is professional gaslighting. And it's I'm telling you one thing, right? And I'm giving you this facade of one thing, um, when really the reality is something completely different. And right now, the people who can figure out how to get out of even it's not even about like financial success, it's about feeling being able to feel whole in yourself. It's difficult when you don't have a real benchmark. You don't have a real benchmark, and it just relies on your ability to interpret when somebody's being disingenuous for you to understand that you know they're showing you one thing but doing another. So we say, yeah, no, I cut the fat real quick. If you don't have anything to add when you come, then you're not going to be coming very often, and that's okay. And there is a place in a space for people, places, and things. And so I can love on everybody and I can welcome everybody into my space, but I will not welcome everybody into my inner circle.

SPEAKER_01 45:08

That's right. I agree with you, and I a hundred percent. I want to tell you how incredibly privileged I am to have been on this podcast, but more so to know you and know how um, you know, just just when I first met you and what you have done, uh I've always supported, I've always been inspired, motivated, I've always followed you and everything. Obviously, you're one of those friends that I can, we can pick up where we left off in the conversation, like you mentioned, right? And so I'm honored to have been called. It's for you to have chosen me to, you know what I mean, to come on here. But I do want to tell you that I am incredibly in and honored of what you have done with your life. I am so respectful with respect how you have transitioned from where you were and the mom that you are, and the are you, I think you're are you a grandma too? Are you a grandma grandma? I'm Gigi. You're Gigi. Oh, you're Gigi, right? So that's a new, you know, it's interesting. That's a new phase, that's a new level. It's different. It's it's my mom said, I love you kids, but it's a different kind of love from my grandkids. I'm like, all right, that's cool. But see, but just watching you evolve, evolve into the next, and you never like you, you're not afraid. You're not afraid to what's next? What are we gonna do next?

SPEAKER_02 46:34

Well, and you are that's what you were saying earlier. You was like, What's next? What's next?

SPEAKER_01 46:39

But you do it, you do it with such grace, such class, such positivity, and I absolutely appreciate and you inspire so many that you don't even know are watching, and so I really respect that.

SPEAKER_02 46:55

You know what? It is is so completely mutual. It's so completely mutual. Thank you so much. And look, I'm still learning how to receive the compliments. I'm like, okay, because you know, I'm like I say I fade to black like real quick. I'm like, I would pick something where I actually gotta go talk to people because Lord knows I will not post on social media, but like I cannot do that anymore. So where where can where can the people find you? Where can they communicate with you if they want to know more about you?

SPEAKER_01 47:29

So I have my my business page um in on Instagram, it's Events by Veronica. You can't miss it. Same as in on Facebook, Events by Veronica, as well as my website is eventsbyveronica.com. Everything is events by Veronica. Would love to connect. I mean, with anybody listening, would love to definitely have a conversation. So that's where the people can connect with me.

SPEAKER_02 47:53

Wonderful. Thank you, thank you so much, everybody. And so thank you, Veronica, for being so generous with your time today and with your compliments, with your wisdom, with your transparency, your authenticity, because again, these are raw conversations. The purpose of it, I really want people to be able to see themselves in the conversation. So I am Nicole Morris, I am the author of the currently published book. It's not me, it's you take their labels off. You can see it right here behind me. You can find us on May 16th. You can order on all major platforms: Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Books a Million. Right now, you can visit us at labelsbegone.com and place an order for pre-order copy. From that, you will actually get your copy right away, but you will also get access to the ebook. You will get access to the audiobook later this year when it comes out if you order directly through me. And we're gonna just keep learning and growing and giving people permission to see themselves authentically and to make a conscious choice about what labels they're wearing, which ones they want to keep, and which ones they want to do away with. Until next time, thank you so much for your time. Thank you so much for watching, and we'll talk to you guys on the next X podcast.

SPEAKER_00 49:04

On the next episode of the Permissions Flip.

SPEAKER_03 49:08

Well, when you spend years editing yourself before anyone asks you to, you can lose the thread of who you actually are versus who you've learned to present. Yep. And at this point.