Different Rooms, Same Wounds

New city. New relationship. New business. New title.  

Same feeling.  

If you've ever found yourself wondering why — after everything you've built, everything you've changed, everywhere you've been — it still feels like something is unresolved, this episode is going to name it.  

High achievers are particularly vulnerable to this pattern. Because when you're good at building, you can spend a lifetime building around a wound instead of tending to it. Every accomplishment becomes evidence that you're fine. Every milestone becomes another reason not to look too closely at what's underneath.  

But the pattern has a way of following you. Into every room. Every relationship. Every reinvention.  

In this episode of The Permission Slip, Nicole Morris sits down with self-made entrepreneur Coach CJ for a conversation that brings the season full circle. Together they explore what it looks like when high-achieving women find themselves stuck in the same emotional patterns — no matter how much they accomplish, how far they move, or how completely they reinvent their circumstances.  

This isn't about what you've built. It's about what you've been carrying while you built it.  

The room changed. The wound didn't. And this conversation is about finally turning toward it.

Enjoyed this episode? Here's what to do next: 

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Learn more about Labels Be Gone™ and the book It's Not Me, It's You: Take Their Labels Off: https://labelsbegone.com

Explore The Permission Slip: https://PermissionFromWho.com

📲 Connect with us on social media @LabelsBeGone 

💌 Have a story to share or want to be a guest on a future season? Reach out at info@labelsbegone.com 

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

Coach CJ closes us out with a bang. Today, we talk to her about how she took her power back.

SPEAKER_01 0:08

All right. Welcome, welcome, everybody, to today's episode of the permission slip. I am your host, Nicole Morris. I am the author of the amazing transformational book. It's not me, it's you behind there. And I am founder of the platform Labels Be Gone, which is our movement to help people really be honest about where they got their ideas about who they are and decide if they want to keep those ideas. So, as always, I have an amazing dynamic guest today who um has come ready to share. So Campanina and I were introduced by an amazing mutual friend. And you know what they say? If you who you you are the average of the people that you hang around. So I just want to say I'm blessed to be in the company. And so and feeling like I'm gonna be leveling up here pretty soon. But she is an entrepreneur, a business owner, a heart of platinum, right? Her willingness to share, and that comes through even in her conversations. And she was so willing to be open and share her stories. Our conversation today is gonna be called different rooms, same wounds. And any person traversing life as we elevate and grow and we're paying attention to ourselves, we understand that those things keep creeping up on us. We think we dealt with it at one level, and then it comes back somewhere else through something else, someone else. So I'm so excited to have this conversation today. Welcome, Campanina. Thank you so much. Introduce yourself to our audience and tell us a little bit about yourself.

SPEAKER_02 1:32

Thank you guys. Hello, hello, hello. I am Campanina J, also known as CJ. I am a self-made entrepreneur living in Chicago, Illinois. I am the mother of three beautiful children who are also entrepreneurs in their own right as well. Um I graduated from SIUC in Carbondale, Illinois, where I graduated with my master's in accountancy. So I am an accountant by trade. I've owned and operated my own text and bookkeeping services for the last 25 years. Well, actually, over 25 years, but I'm not gonna tell you how old I am. Hey, I'll take it. I'll take it. You look it, you look it. So right now, I actually help people rebuild their lives and transform their lives through health, finances, and faith. So I've been helping people lose weight, gain weight, and maintain weight for over eight years now. I like to say I fired corporate eight years ago and started doing my own thing. So God has blessed me to be on this journey and just elevate and pour into people and change people's lives, which I continue to do. This next pivot in my life, public speaking, has been um a bit of a journey so far. It's a fun journey. So I am excited to be invited on this podcast with Nicole. I'm very, very excited to be here.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

And I'm excited to see what this conversation takes us today. I am excited too, because I think this topic, and we were talking about this before we actually kicked off. And I um because we originally had you slated to do a different conversation. And then when this topic came up, I'm like, no, no, I think this is hers. Because what a lot of people, and especially women and black women, so many layers into that part of the conversation. When we make it, make it right, whatever that means to us across different levels of our success or occupational success or whatever that is, or you know, we oftentimes treat it like a destination instead of a journey. And then we find ourselves in a new place because if you're if you're if you're leveling up, right, you're not gonna stop. So you will find yourself at a new level. And so some folks will say new levels, new devils, or is it a new level, same devil? Right? So just coming in a different hat. So I just like everything you just named, lay laid out about yourself from accountancy and CPA, bookkeeping to health and wealth, to um health and wealth and wellness, and to being able to maintain yourself independently financially for all of these years, you and you're in ministry too. So we're not gonna even act like that thing don't show up. Yes, yeah. Yeah. So talk about what your experience, what's your experience has been like in each one of those kind of arenas, and what's been your consistent through line of things that you've had to conquer, you know, things that you've had to repeatedly conquer. How did it look? And what was it? How did it look in one area versus another? And like, how did you recognize it? And then what I end up doing, so I'm looking around, I tell my audience this too. So I'm looking around and sometimes I'm taking notes because our guests, let me tell you, and the Campanina's gonna do the same, they dropped some nuggets. And so I have learned, I have learned to come write them down. So I'm gonna be looking down right now, and I might jump in and kind of ask another question or share one of my stories. But talk to us, you know, how did you how did you have to conquer yourself going up the levels and then even across the industries?

SPEAKER_02 5:04

Well, I'll say starting off, my firm foundation is my faith, my belief in God, being a Christian all of my life, not to knock whatever or whomever anybody else serves, but my belief in the creator and Almighty Jesus Christ has kept me. I have been through so many things in my life that I can attest to that. Like that had, I have a testimony. Like I have been handed so many things, and a lot of people always ask me, how do you do it? Exactly, how do you do it? And I like to tell people that I am definitely one of God's strongest soldiers because he just keeps handing me, handing me things. When you say handing me things, five years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer, April of 2021. Um, I got that diagnosis literally in my nutrition club when I was behind my bar working, giving people nutrition, making shakes. And I stepped off into my office and he gave me the diagnosis in my office. And literally all I could hear was wah, warm, wah, wah. And got off that phone call, went back outside behind my bar and said, okay, now what did you need in your shake? You know, so I believe that God gives me that type of strength. It's definitely that type of strength from it has to be a higher being that gives you that type of strength. And I've had other health challenges in my past. I've had other like battles in my personal life as far as like divorce, um, which I am currently going through right now. Talk about actually. Um, I can attest to that. I know I don't look like what I've been through. I literally, I'm like almost three weeks post-op out of surgery. Wow. Yeah. So I've been going through my reconstruction process for like the last four years. Wow. Yeah. So I'm preferly, that was my last surgery. I've had a surgery every year for the last five years, probably two in one year. So I, and I don't even, when I go through these things, I don't carry them. I try, I make it my business to pour it out to other people. So I always find what is my why in whatever it is that I'm going through. So when I when I had my nutrition clubs, I just closed them down like last year in October. So when I had those, I made those my why to pour into other people, to help other people lose weight. And majority of the time when people would come in my bar, it wasn't, it was about more than a shake because that was my ministry. People would come and sit and talk to me. They would cry with me, just pour out their hearts to me. And I would always ask myself, why is it that I carry these things? So many people talk to me and tell me their personal business. And God has allowed me, He has given me that gift to be able to pour into them and bless them with words of encouragement, feeding them with the word. So that has definitely been my foundation, and that's my why to be able to conquer all these different challenges that has been bestowed upon me and also still live my life, be an entrepreneur, be a mother, be a wife, you know, all the things. So you look around and you and you try to figure out how am I able to walk this journey? How am I able to walk this walk and still be so strong and deliver powerful messages to people and still be upbeat and smiling and still get up and put on clothes and still work out every day, you know, still do your hair and all these things, you know, coming from a head full of hair, you know what I'm saying, to no hair, you know what I'm saying, to wearing extensions. Like these are all the things that we don't really talk about that we go through as like being cancer survivors. So those are the things that we don't talk about that we sort of hide behind. That's that sort of quiet wound that we never ever keep going back to reach for to even talk about or deal with. This is actually, I think, my first time even saying that out loud, what I just said to you. I was I was gonna dig right into that too, because I never even I I never even knew that that was a wound until literally me and my best friend just like went through a hair crisis, like this weekend before this, before this podcast. And I was telling her that it's important to me. Hair right now in my life at this time is important to me because that was taken away from me from breast cancer. So that like a lot of women that go through breast cancer, that's a big deal to them. So that's why public speaking is my next pivot in my life.

SPEAKER_01 9:27

My next pivot?

SPEAKER_02 9:27

Yes, because I want to pour into women and talk to them about those journeys and not just breast cancer, but any type of cancer that people, you know, are going through. I want to be able to share my journey so that I can inspire somebody else that it doesn't have to look like what you think it looks like. You can change your perspective about it. Like it's not a death sentence. So with God at my foundation, that is how I'm able to walk that walk.

SPEAKER_01 9:53

So the through line of the of the wounds, right? So different rooms, same wounds. The importance of your physical presentation manifested itself as a wound. And thank you for being so transparent with us. I feel very honored that you did that on the podcast. Um, was that something when you think back, was that something that was critical to not was it critical to how you saw yourself in terms of your ability to navigate all of these different arenas? Was like your presentation? Was that one of the things that kind of was a through line that you had to navigate?

SPEAKER_02 10:34

Yes, yes. And I would say because like the changes, like the changes in your skin, the changes in your hair. Like it ain't just the hair on top of your head, it's the hair all over your body. So from no eyebrows to no eyelashes, you know, it's it's like the whole body. So, yes, your whole presentation and your whole look just changing can like take you through a mirage of emotions and things. Yeah. So, and sometimes we get caught up in trying to be the same person as we're going through that until you until you realize you have to take a step back and take the rest and relax and uh fight differently, not fight and trying to be the same for everybody else, but trying to show up as your true self, like living your truth. I had to learn how to live in my truth. I had to learn that if I was sad, I was sad. If I was mad, I was mad. If I wanted to scream, I would scream. Whatever emotion that I was going through, I had to live in it and sit in it.

SPEAKER_01 11:38

So you gave yourself permission to feel and to express. And I know you um, I know you got a copy of the book, but there is a section at the end of the book where I talk about how I trained myself because I had to retrain myself. No, no, no. I'm sorry, not even retrained. I had to train myself to hear my own voice and to honor and respect my own voice so much to the point where um when I was journaling after my first divorce, um, and I had been and I grew up, you know, uh lot of trauma, a lot of trauma, um different type of trauma, journaling was always an outlet for me. And so I would always write what I felt in the journal. But for some reason, and that was the kind of the the birth of the book and now this platform, when I was journaling after the divorce, I realized that other people's voices were influencing even what I allowed myself to put on that paper or in, you know, on that computer or whatever. So I had to pause and I had to write and then I had to rewrite until it felt authentic to what I was feeling in the moment. So, like you said, you stopped in this journey and you let yourself feel every emotion. I don't even think, or I, you know, I think a lot of people overvalue their ability to compartmentalize and set it aside versus sit down and feel and deal with. Because when you sit down and feel, then it resonates. Your authenticity to yourself resonates. And so a lot of people talk a lot about performing, performing for whatever. And then I and so I had to ask one of my other guests, I said, so tell me what it means to perform. Because I don't think people would even realize that a lot of times you perform it for yourself because you have not been honest with yourself, and you didn't even know that you needed to be because we are just living.

SPEAKER_02 13:42

So I think a lot of people label it as wearing a mask. And when I started to live in my truth, because I had gone through so many things in my marriage leading up to my divorce and seeing my spouse wear a mask, I was determined not to do that because that is so emotionally scarring that that can turn you into somebody else. And I refuse to do that. Like I want to live my life out loud so that people can see that you don't have to follow a rule book of how you want to show up going through a particular journey such as cancer or going through a particular journey such as divorce. You don't have to follow the rule book that society thinks that you should.

SPEAKER_01 14:30

You don't have to do some positive things like building your companies with an S, which you've done.

SPEAKER_02 14:35

Absolutely, absolutely. And I think that for me, that was a that was something that I was, I don't want to say hiding behind, but I think I poured myself into work to try to avoid it. Yes. But when that thing shows up, it shows up. Um, and of course, like utilizing different tools like therapy, you know, is a is a great tool that helps you get beyond that. I've utilized it myself. I have no shame in that. I think that everybody should have a therapist because it actually helps them. But yes, actually, and I know that they say that pain, putting when you're in pain, to dive into work allows you not to feel the pain, but I don't think that that's true. I think that you absolutely are feeling the pain and you're trying to ignore it. So that's why I decided to be in a slowdown season so that I can heal and recognize the pain. Because if I don't recognize the pain and heal it, I'm gonna keep repeating the same cycles and patterns.

SPEAKER_01 15:41

We know how it showed up now in this particular journey. What else did you battle with that kind of reappeared in multiple journeys across your life? Because I can say for me, one of the things that I have consistently dealt with is the need to be the good girl and people please. And so I would, so I was used to getting good grades in school, right? That's an easy thing to measure. So I could get good grades in school. Um, I was used to making my mama proud, my teachers proud. So then how that showed up for me when I started working in corporate was always being the one taking on all the work, but not posturing myself in such a way where they would respect the value I was bringing. So I was showing up to let people use me. I was not confident enough in what I brought to the table to walk in and say, and did, and do. I mean, I don't have that issue now. But that was something that showed up. So that showed up whether I was at work, whether I was at home in my first marital relationship, and honestly, even a little bit in my second, but like you, I'm being conscious about it now. How I show up, especially because my second, like my first husband was a beta, my second husband is whole alpha. And so, baby, listen, I have to manage alpha and me. But and when I would do ministry work, it showed up when I would do um everything, like just the people pleasing. And so I would just show up and be like, okay, use me. And the other thing that I would do now, this that ain't this episode, but we done already said you coming back. But when I was in ministry, I used to couch it as use me, Lord. And child of people was using me. It wasn't the Lord using me. The guy God ain't told me to do half the stuff I did, but I showed up like use me, Lord. So what kind of example like that? Because, you know, we're going in different rooms, but the the same version of up is the same version of us is showing up, but sometimes just at an elevated level. And how do we help people recognize themselves or recognize that in themselves?

SPEAKER_02 17:54

So even across like faith, finances, and health, I found myself people pleasing all the time. And at first I did not recognize it. I did not recognize it. I would put it as, oh, well, you know, I'm good at this. I'm good at this. I can do this, I can get it done faster. You know what I'm saying? I'm experienced, I know more, I know I have more resources. So if I do it, it'll get done faster. You know, so taking on all these things, just taking on, taking on, you know, and not just jobs, but also in my personal life. You know, just just taking on all these things as a mother, wife, all of that. Just carrying all these things, never saying no. And when I was diagnosed, saying no.

SPEAKER_01 18:36

Come on, wait, wait. Never saying no. Okay, never, okay. I'm sorry, we got to dig into that because especially with family, especially with family, and especially with family, because I think our generation, we're the first ones born fully with all of our civil rights, even though they're trying to take it back now. But we're the first generation of black folks in America born with our full rights. And so we have been able to produce more easily at a level that our parents could not. And so for me, I'm the first in my family to do quite a few things. And so I'm like, okay, well, I got everybody. Here go Kate, here go Kate, here go table, here go this. And baby, listen, my family loves me, but they were killing me. And I was letting them. Absolutely. And I I thought it was my duty because, like you said, I'm strong. I can handle this. God wouldn't give it to me if, but I had to learn, and I couldn't tell them no. I moved the whole country trying to save my family, and that was not my job. And I'm over here like, use me, Lord.

SPEAKER_02 19:43

I used to call myself the little big sister. So I had four siblings. My oldest sister is going on to be with the Lord, and I always felt like the one that everything fell upon because I'm the first in my family to do everything. I'm the first in my my mom's direct downline to go to college. You know, when you go to college and get one degree or two degrees, they think you're a doctor, lawyer, everything. You go get one thing, they think you everything.

SPEAKER_04 20:11

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 20:12

You know, so they call on you for everything. And Larissa, even bank hours.

SPEAKER_01 20:17

Coco, what time the bank close? If you don't go get on Google, but I used to answer questions like that because I couldn't call the person and ask her, well, you know, you can call her too.

SPEAKER_02 20:27

So just things like that. But then also too, it's a curse. It's a blessing and a curse. Yeah. Because they'll call on you for things, but then you always the one that thinks you know everything. You know? So it's so it's a blessing and a curse. So and go and going through those things, mind you, all of these things just filled up in me within the last four to five years. Because through my cancer journey, I started learning myself again because I was giving so much gratitude. I really like closed myself off from the world in my mind, in my being, because I had a fight to fight. So all those things that mattered to me, I took a step back and did the things that were, did the thing that was my why to get me through this process. So I really started focusing on myself, you know, like making sure that I'm filled up and I don't let things hurt me or use me or overwhelm me. And in that process, I started finding myself again. In that process, I started saying no. And when you say no to people, it's almost like you just cursed them out. And it's a full sentence. So now they want to know why you're saying no, just because no, because I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to. I'm not trying to hurt you in while I'm trying to protect me. Your rejection is my protection because I have been overworking myself for so long. So I had to step back and choose what made me feel happy in that pro in that process, which leads me back to the second. Question you asked me, it led me back to helping people with their health because that was my why. Because during that process, helping people with finance and what wasn't finances wasn't filling me up anymore. But when people would come to me and say, Oh, I've lost 10 pounds, I'm off my diabetic medication, I don't take high blood pressure medicine anymore, that would fill me up and make me know that I can fight my fight. And people didn't know that in internally, I'm like, oh Lord, just let me, you know, let me get let me get through this. Like, let me go in here and take this next chemo treatment and be all right. Which half the time that I did, to be honest with you, Nicole, a lot of the times that I went in there and took chemo, I wasn't thinking that I possibly could not make it out of chemo. I never thought that. So just right now, I just thought about that. I never thought that. I never had in my mind that I wouldn't make it through. I never thought those thoughts. Not because I said I'm thinking those thoughts. I just never did. Because I just like was running through things like a train, like a train, like a train, never stopping at the stop to relax or rest and say, this is what you need to do to get by. So that's why I'm now here at this time, saying I'm in my slowdown season to do things that matter to me most, to take the time out, because I've just been building businesses, doing this. Like, I was building businesses the whole time I was sick. I never ever stopped. I I built out two new two nutrition clubs in like four years. Me and my son built a restaurant and a nutrition club within one year while I was also going through a divorce. So I was doing all the things just going, going. And when I would have my slowdown moments or my moments alone is when I would break. But I found myself leaning a little more into those things so that I could feel, because I needed to feel those things because I recognize now that I went through so many things and never stopped. I'm talking about I've been on the express train since I graduated with my masters. I've been on the express train, just never stopped, never stopped. Just getting married, having children, you know, living the American dream, doing all the things that your mother can be proud of you doing. I did all the steps, you know, not having babies out of wedlock and all these things, you know, just keeping it going so that everybody can be proud of me, so that I could be the good girl. So what people call it. You know, a lot of a lot of the a lot of times people get me caught up in that. It's almost like I can't do wrong because then you use, you say to me, Well, aren't you a Christian woman? You're not supposed to be.

SPEAKER_01 24:34

And they don't, they don't mean anything to us, nor to who God called us to be. And now I'm gonna give a note because I had to have the same conversation. So for people, as you're listening to this and you're feeling empowered to set the same boundaries, at one point I had to tell somebody super close to me, right now, I need me more than you need me. And so I am going to get me. But you said something, Key. You said it was your moments alone when you let yourself break. Who helped you put it back together? Was anybody ever around you when you broke? And then did anybody help you put it back together?

SPEAKER_02 25:10

The majority of the time, and that was I would say my niece, my niece, I would break often in front of her because I feel like she's my person.

SPEAKER_00 25:22

You had a safe space.

SPEAKER_02 25:24

Yes, I would break a lot of front in front of her, but a lot of the time alone. Oh no, that's not true. That's not true. My niece and my daughter, my 21-year-old.

SPEAKER_03 25:37

Come on.

SPEAKER_02 25:38

She, that girl is amazing. She's amazing. Like, she's been my doctor, confidant, a lot of different things. Like, she gets me. She gets me. Like her and my niece fight over that place. Because my niece is also like my daughter. So they've they fight over who's closer to me. So I definitely say my daughter and my niece, but a lot of those, like, really, really, really, whoo, those deep moments where you cry so long and hard, you feel like you break something inside of yourself. I could remember one moment after the separation of me and my strange husband. I was in my basement and I was clearing some of his things out. And I sat down to just reminisce about the moments that, because that was his man cave. And I cried so long and so hard, I felt like I broke the ceiling in my house. Like one of those like soul cries. And I am so grateful to God that I was able to get past that moment. Because in that moment, you don't think you can get past it. And I it feels like you could just die right there. You know, but and by the grace of God, my like literally, my firm foundation and my motto is you got five minutes, girl. Take your five minutes, get it out, and keep it moving. Like, I am no longer being that pillar for anybody but myself. I am no longer choosing people over me. I am now in my self-care season and choosing me season. So I'm no longer putting other people before me. I'm no longer overextending myself. I'm no longer having a whole agenda for the whole day to where I get home and I'm just exhausted.

SPEAKER_01 27:26

And running out and can't do nothing but lay in the bed. And sometimes are too tired to sleep well. Like too tired to sleep. And we did that as a normal course of behavior. I am too tired to sleep well, and my mind won't shut down because I am thinking about what I have to do tomorrow.

SPEAKER_02 27:46

So when you sent me the title of this episode, same room, same wound, different room. Am I saying it correctly? When you sent me that, I'm in that order. Yeah. I pondered that. And I'm like, wow, that's so true. And I'm glad that I, because I know that I've taken some wounds even from childhood that I didn't think that I had. Because I'm 48, 47 years, I was walking around thinking that I didn't have a daddy wound. I was like, oh, that's my sister and my brother. I don't got that. I'm good. I'm good. And the Lord spoke to me and was like, yes, you do. It's just a different kind. You carry yours different. And not just that being a wound, but also a wound from different marriages, also wounds from different things that you beat yourself up and you feel guilty about, the things that you can do as far as your children. Me working 12 and 13 hours, giving my time to a company and not being here for my children. So I'm overcompensating, buying them things because I can't be here. You just making them move, study, move, move, move, putting them in everything you can think of, gymnastics and all these, all the things, because you can't be there because you're building a life for them. So that is also a wound that us as women carry. Especially if you're not a stay-at-home mom. I've never been a stay-at-home mom. Because I think I got that from childhood, from my mom being raised by a single mom, of always thinking that I needed to be just go, go, go. I needed to achieve, achieve, achieve all the time. Like I just put myself in a box to just be, to just achieve, to just keep going. And to me, that could be a wound in itself if you never take the time to stop and heal through any of those moments.

SPEAKER_01 29:38

And to understand why. So I'm was or am going to be addicted to something. And maybe that's everybody's story. I don't know. But I just know it's mine. And so of all the things that I could have used to cope, I am glad that it was achievement and working, as opposed to like the route that my dad went or my grandfather, you know, they just went down drug addict, drug and alcoholic addictive paths. Or even my grandmother, who was so overwhelmed by um her life experiences and trauma that she just couldn't work because psychologically. And so she smoked weed all day just to kind of get through up until two or three years before she died. And so it was like when you're growing up, you cool. It's like granny smoking. And then when you're grown, you're like, damn, granny was smoking.

SPEAKER_04 30:44

Mm-hmm. All the time.

SPEAKER_01 30:46

Because she couldn't, you know what I'm saying? Like she was just so, you know, I think these are the things. And I think a lot of times one of the things that, you know, folks will hear me say all the time, especially like on this pod, or even in any of the talks I give, is everywhere you go, there you are. And I don't believe that you can truly compartmentalize your wholeness to be a different person at work or a different person. And like something somewhere is getting suppressed and it's coming out ugly somewhere. So when people are at work acting a fool, I'd be like, man, at home, you are absolutely terrible because work is where you bring your best self. And so if this is your best, but all of that is seeded from somewhere.

SPEAKER_02 31:28

Yeah. You know, I think the best advice that I would give to someone who's taking those same wounds into all these different womb uh rooms that they're going into, I would tell someone to stop. I think that journaling is amazing. It is amazing because when you get those things out on paper, you start to manifest different things and you start to recognize your patterns. Because if people will go back through their journals, they'll see that they've said some of the same things over and over and over again. They've done the same things over and over again. And when you start to recognize those things and see those things and you feel those things, if you cannot get help to check help you change those things or recognize them, well, I guess the best thing if you can't recognize them would be to get help. But for me, in like the last two years, and I'm just gonna be transparent, for me, in my separation and like going on three years, I've been celibate. And that has allowed me to discern on a much higher level, a much higher level. That has helped me to reach deeper inside of myself and make choices and decisions for me as a whole, as a total person. Um, and I can say that because in my journey, I started dating a year ago. I dated a young man for a whole year. And the Lord spoke to me one day and just was like, stop, because you don't want to do it. And I had been telling a best friend of mine, I don't want to do this. I don't want to do it. Great person, all the things, okay? Studying to be a doctor, man of God, all the things. But I had to make sure that I was not inviting the same energy that I was inviting before. I wanted to make sure that I wasn't attracting the same things. And if I'm still attracting the same things, I'm not healed. And I think, and I'm not saying you gotta wait four or five years to be healed. That's not what I'm saying at all. But I think that you need to take the steps to heal yourself. And the first thing is recognize it. That's like when you go to any meeting, any AA meeting or whatever, they tell you, you know, first thing is you have to recognize and you have to admit that this thing is going on. You have to take hold of that. Because if you don't admit, I got a wound that I keep reopening, I'm gonna keep scratching this same wound, reopening it. And you, and people telling you, girl, stop doing it. And you're like, oh no, I'm not doing that. It's okay. But you are. So when you admit it to yourself and change your perspective and move different and actually help ask for help, because I think a lot of the times it's about asking for help, positioning yourself to want to get help. I think that we all would move different, and I think that we would we would not move so much as to put achievements on top of wounds.

SPEAKER_01 34:18

You don't need the validation anymore. A lot of times the achievement is it's proof that I did something good.

SPEAKER_02 34:24

Yes, because people always ask me, you don't look like anything's going wrong with you. You don't look like you just had surgery. What is looking like surgery? Looking like you just had surgery. What does that look like?

SPEAKER_01 34:36

What does that look like? Because everybody looks now look, we look, we we ain't gonna because you know, people they look like they've been in surgery all day and they put it on Facebook, and I don't know why they do that, but they should not. So I think they say you don't look like some of them. I'm a little petty, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02 34:51

You know, you know, different strokes for different folks. That part, that part. And again, I've never been, I've always presented well. I've always liked to present myself well because I like to move in excellence. You know, got God deserves and wants excellence, period. So I I've always just been that type of person. So I because I like to encourage that. I like to pour into people and I like to receive what I give. And all the time you're not gonna get what you give because that's not what I'm looking for. I don't give to receive the same things back. But I like to give and show excellence. I like to expose people to different things and I like to be exposed to different things. So I just try to move in excellence with everything that I do, but I'll but now I'm moving in excellence a different way.

SPEAKER_01 35:38

Intentional, more, more intentional. Yes. I'll say I'll put 10 on your 10, and then but I will say that when I went through my first divorce, I did the same thing and I started noticing that the relationships around me were not reciprocal. And I noticed it before that. And I knew that whatever I was, because I had the same relationship patterns with people, not just with my husband, but with my friends, with my family. I was always some sort of answer. And there was symbiosis in those relationships, right? But it was all what it may be a lot of times it was imbalanced. So honestly, I stopped, like you said, and I didn't make friends for 10 years because I had to work it out. And there were so many other more important relationships for me to establish or re-establish or establish with healthy boundaries. So with my children, with my immediate family, mother, sister, brother, with my new husband, that one of my best friends passed away the year I got married. So just like three years ago, and she was just 40. Um, she passed away from cancer. She had gotten a very rare, rare one, and um just like not even two whole years. And she was the last friend that I like connected with, and even that happened just kind of on happenstance. But otherwise, I was like, Because what is it in me? And I did the same thing with celibacy after you know, after my first husband. Like I dated a I dated a little bit, and then I just was like, Yeah, this is not fulfilling for me. And usually when I was connecting with somebody, whether we were gonna be intimate or not, I just knew it wasn't going where I was gonna want it to go eventually. And I don't need you for that, and I don't need those deposits. Yes, I don't need that spiritual exchange. So before me and my husband, my current husband reconnected, I was celibate for like 18 months. Because I I was talking to I was talking to this one person, and like dude just really thought I was like a lot of the other women out here, and I wanted to be with somebody, and he he just was having these conversations like only with himself, and I was just kind of there for what I was there for, and you I weren't listening. And he was just saying and doing weird things, which I know I'll talk about um on one of the shows, but it really wasn't that for me, and I don't think he believed it. But then I just was like, okay, I don't really want to talk to you. Um so I want to just kind of close on three. We can leave people with three things, three things that I heard you say, and then you add to it. But what I heard you say in your story and how you, you know, re-established yourself, especially in the last five years, was you had safe places to express your pain and be yourself. They were sometimes people, sometimes a journal. That's my story. You asked for, you recognized or you gave yourself permission to be broken so that you could ask for help. And so you got help, sometimes in the form of therapy. At times I had two. I had like a naturopathic therapist and a side D. Absolutely. Um, and so I had it so I could get through that and you respected, like you gave yourself permission to really start hearing who you are and what mattered to you. Did I miss anything? No, you covered it. You covered it. So those are the keys, right? Listen to that, folks. Campanina, thank you so much, um, so much for such a rich, rich conversation. Where can people find you, connect with you if they want? Um, I will be there. I um want some of your healthier stuff. Um, and all the things, but where can people connect with you on social media? All those things. Share, share, share with us.

SPEAKER_02 39:30

Um, so I'm on all the platforms: TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, all of them are uh Campanina or at Campanina J, all up all across the board, pretty much. Spelling C-A-M-P-A-N-I-A-N-A-J at any one of those platforms. And in those platforms, you can also have access to my health and wellness sites where you can go and check out any of our any of my over or herbal products that'll help you. But that's also a way that you can also reach out to me as well directly through any one of those social media platforms. Thank you. Absolutely. So, my next pivot, of course, is public speaking. My I'm on a journey to inspire and speak with women about their uh different cancer journeys. Uh, it doesn't have to just be breast cancer, but going through any type of journey and how you can change your perspective and how you look at that thing and how you walk through that journey. So I can be booked by using my social media platforms for that either. I mean, as well. If you want to book me to come public speak or speak at your job or anything like that, just to inspire women or people to go through those journeys and still be empowered and strong and look at it differently.

SPEAKER_01 40:35

Yeah, and not have a thought that you're gonna lose. Because honestly, like I know you were compartmentalizing because you thought you had to, but you were also just not like this is not my story. And I think there is a there's a there's a manifestive point to that too.

SPEAKER_02 40:48

Absolutely. Because I always said to myself, this is not for me. This is for somebody else to see my story and know that they can win. I appreciate it. Thank you for the opportunity.

SPEAKER_01 40:58

You're welcome. You're welcome. Thank you, thank you so much, Campanina. So again, Nicole, uh Nicole Moore is here. If you have not ordered your book yet, you can order your copies. So you can order them through May 16th on labelsbegone.com. If you order them on labelsbegone.com, you actually get access to all three copies. So the price is higher. You get the physical book copy, you get the ebook copy, and then when the audio book comes out later this year, you will also have that copy. Or you can also pre-order on Amazon. Amazon's gonna drop it right to your door and right to your Kindle. Not until next month, though. Um, so if you want the book right now, order it on labelsbegone.com. Otherwise, May 16th, we're going live with our Amazon launch. We are already ranking on Amazon. So for you guys who are placing orders, thank you, thank you, thank you so much. Uh, I actually meet with my publisher next week. We'll see if we're number one in any of our categories. I'm gonna be super excited about that. But um, until next time, thank you all. Thank you, Campanina. This is the permission slip signing off.

SPEAKER_00 41:54

Thank y'all so much for listening in. Season two coming soon.