My Love/Hate Relationship with Tennis

In this episode I cover my love/hate relationship with tennis. From an early love and obsession to a love/hate relationship during the teen and early 20s years. 

Eventually responsibility, maturity and impulse control improvements (pre frontal cortex in Male brain development) saw a turning point in the mid 20s.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

The art of tennis. The art of tennis, art of tennis. Coaches, Rick from the Art of Tennis here. Welcome to episode four. So I wanted to do today a little bit about the sport of tennis. Um in future videos, I'm gonna start to segue into building coaching businesses, how to build the right culture at a junior tennis academy, and some other things like that. But I thought I'll do one more that's got a little bit to do with my own playing background um and and the sport of tennis. So I think I'll call the episode tennis a love story, question mark. So tennis did start for me, started off as a as an absolute love. Uh I would have uh the the the wall of my my my house growing up become my little tennis court. Now I was nine years younger than my closest sibling, and so my two brothers and sister were between nine and twelve years older than me. So I was the little uh the the little one of the family, and a lot of times I just entertained myself by hitting against the wall. Now the wall was just a normal little household wall uh carpour area, and look, I would play matches against myself and create characters, so I would create different characters and I would write them down like a tennis, like a tennis draw, this person versus this person. And sometimes the characters would be left-handed, and I would have a left-handed character playing a right-handed character, and a little bit like wrestling, uh, I could choose who was meant to win and who was meant to lose. So it was that was my little way of entertaining myself. But I had a busy mind, fast brain, still do have a quite a fast brain where sometimes uh to take a computer metaphor, I've got lots of tabs open in my in my mind, and tennis helped me focus, had tennis helped me stay just focusing on the ball, bounce hit, bounce hit, and hitting against the wall was almost, I guess, like meditation to me in a way that it would it would calm me, moving, hitting, moving, hitting. I did hit a lot into the window, sorry, mum. Uh broke a few windows that were just next to the wall, and that just sort of go went with the territory. I think the fact it keep kept me entertained um and kept me out of mum and dad's hair, the odd broken window was was probably uh probably worth worth fixing and continuing on. So I started off with that. Now eventually, my dad, who was an earth mover, drove backhoes and excavators, uh, he decided that I had this this love of tennis, and we had eight acres of of sort of cherry orchard and we had rhubarb and all sorts of things at that time growing. But my dad got his backhoe and and and went and built a tennis court, carved it into the hill. Um, I think it was facing the the wrong direction. And look, the baseline was only about a meter and a half behind the the fence, sorry, was about a meter and a half behind the baseline. So it was it was a little bit uh short at the back, but it didn't matter, it was a tennis court, which was amazing. Ashefeld tennis court, uh the lines used to pop up because they were I'm not sure what material, but they were the lines would pop up. So if you hit the line, you would get a corresponding bounce. Um, so it was a kind of reward for hitting the line in a way. So between the the short fence at the back and the lines, it made for an interesting, um, interesting, interesting call. But dad built that, which was amazing. Um, and he also built a bigger wall, perhaps because I was breaking too many windows, on the tennis court to hit on. So I kind of had my had my routine after school. Uh a lot of times I'd come home after school. I would not to be honest, I would jump on a motorbike, I had little motorbikes, and I'd probably go for a strap on the motorbike around the property, um, zigzag a few times, and then I would come back in and then go up and and hit on the wall in tennis, or even better, I would drag dad up or maybe my my one of my siblings to come and have a hit with me. And I was pretty, I guess I was pretty persistent in getting people to hit with me, so I'm sure that annoyed my what would have been uh maybe late teens siblings um who probably didn't really want to hit with their little brother all the time, and my dad, um, you know, he's probably just done a 10-hour day earth moving and and and working hard, and he probably didn't really want to play either, but um uh they could all play, you know, played some tennis, and so I was able to get hits with my family members, um, which was great because I I wasn't training uh, you know, I certainly wasn't training at many places. Um I did a maybe uh one one or two groups a week, uh lessons a week. Um so that was great to be able to play on the court, and you know, my competition days uh playing what was for Summertown Tennis Club initially for for a few years, and uh is that really I I I don't think I lost many singles. I mean maybe I lost a couple, but I really don't think I lost many at all between seven and twelve. Uh so tennis was great, right? Happy, happy days when you turn up on what was Saturday morning and you play and you win, and you you you feel good, and you feel like you're a bit of a legend because you always win your matches, and people have trouble beating you, and people trying to beat you, and and all of that. So, and as I've said in an early episode, I was unorthodox. I'd basically played two hands both sides, um, and I was just consistent, I would just get the ball back uh and you know, rarely make an unforced error. And so the competition in those early years was was amazing, and and look, I probably should have been challenged a little bit more, but it didn't matter because my love for the game was growing as I kept winning and winning, and you know, eventually around 13 years old, I did start to I think I moved moved clubs to another my town where I grew up, which was Uradla. Uradla and Summertown are right next to each other, and so I started playing a little bit higher, higher level there, and then that kind of that sort of opened up the start of the the teen years, which was much harder because I I was playing well, good player, 13-14. That's when I started playing city tournaments, what we call city tournaments, where um instead of playing in the hills events or the country carnival, we went and played the the city tournaments with all the best kids. I'd mentioned previously that it was a bit of a struggle early because I I had to adjust to a much better, you know, much higher standard, and these guys were well trained and they hit harder and they had racket bags with rackets, and I would rock up with two rackets, and you know, one was one brand, the other was a spare that was you know someone's old racket, and just totally um I still totally wasn't on trend with all the other the city kids who who were looking looking good. So I would turn up with that and uh some little funny dodgy drink bottle, and and uh look, I would beat a lot of them, but I wouldn't beat the best ones. And so those competition years is where the the love affair started to falter a bit because I own only loved it when I won. And even if I played bad, I still was happy. If I got the got the W, 6-4 or whatever it might have been, that was fine. Even if I didn't hit that well, I was a bit disappointed. The win a win was a win, and so those wins turned into a lot more losses as I pushed myself competition-wise, playing a high division uh or a different competition, and uh playing the tournaments, you're almost guaranteed that you're gonna lose because you win a couple of rounds and then you meet someone better than you. So that was hard, and and that was kind of the start of my uh I guess a bit of negativity about the sport because it was just freaking frustrating. Um it was frustrating losing, right? I hated losing. If in tennis, it feels it can feel not always feel, but it can feel very personal. Uh so you're if it's one-on-one, um, doubles a little bit different, but let's talk singles. It's one-on-one. You staring at them, they're staring at you. There's there's just something about it, it's not like a fight, but it's got similar characteristics without the physical confrontation. Um, you know, there'd be a lot of you know, bring it on, mate, you know, type stuff, especially as a 14-year-old. Um highly, I think combative is is the word um to use. So we we had some negativity, and I mean I I wasn't crazy on the tennis court, but if I was losing, you could hear me. All right, you could hear me, and I wasn't much of a racket thrower. Uh we didn't my parent, my family didn't have enough money to just buy racket after racket, so I I knew I couldn't be cracking these expensive rackets. Um, I did yell, I would yell out. I don't think I was swearing, but I would yell out, you know, just fired up of sick of losing, that sort of thing. Um there were a couple of moments in the nationals, which I spoke about. My nationals, I went as a 14-year-old, um, and in Mildura, I did really well at the Grasscourt Nationals. Um, I think I said in an earlier episode it was rounder 32. Officially, it was what was called what was called quarter final, quarterfinal qualifying, which was it's kind of like the rounder 16 of the consolation. So if that makes sense to to someone you. Uh, but I was playing a seeded player, he was maybe 14 to 16, and I was up in each set 5-3, 5-2, something like that. And I know I lost 7-5-7-5 or 7-5-6-4. Point was I was up well in each set and lost it. Now I was away with a different family, so I knew I didn't have mum or dad um around the place, and so perhaps I let my guard down or or could get away with more. But that racket, after I lost that match, it it nearly landed in the in the river at Miljura, the the what is the Swan River? Swan River? Swan River, I think it's Swan River. Um so yeah, the racket got got tossed, and it was the end of the match, so I knew I couldn't be uh warned or defaulted, and I was out of the tournament, but it um it was tossed right over into the into the mud right on the edge. We were in an edge court, and so that was a little bit of a moment. Now there were some other moments losing senior matches in in competition. Um I remember one losing to an old bloke who I was as good as, but he was just smarter and wiser, and and I just lost the plot in my mind. And afterwards, I remember going in just and and a there was a young a young tree growing in the in the uh in the parklands there, and I literally just smashed it with my racket. So it's that uncontrolled anger that I just hated losing, just hated losing, and and the reason why I think I hated losing, and mum and dad were not pushy. I had the best parents as far as like that that sort of situation was they were you know just happy, do your best, play your best. Dad's a very calm personality. Mum just didn't really watch me, especially if I was getting fired up. She'd wait in the car, read her woman's day, and wait for me and see what mood I was in when I got in the car. So I didn't, it wasn't the parents, but I myself, I hadn't, I guess I put my identity a little bit around being a tennis player and being a good tennis player, and winning made me feel good, and losing made me feel bad. And fairly emotional, passionate type player or person. So um there was some there was some there were some moments there. Did I get defaulted from a tournament? No, I never got defaulted from a tournament. Did I get warnings? Yes, I got warnings. Uh, did I crack a racket? Yes, I think I cracked two or three rackets. Uh the first one I'm sure my parents bought a new one and then they said that that they can't buy any more for me, so I'd have to use one of the spare rackets. Um so that's when I'm I'm sure I brought it in a little bit and stuck with the yelling rather than the the racket throwing. But look, every everyone's different, every kid is different. Some sort of play on the edge. Uh I think I was like that. Everything was a every point was a fight, you know. I certainly put plenty of effort in, I didn't give up ever. Uh, but I was right on the edge of of either being really happy or really annoyed. Uh so so that was the situation there. My parents ended up at 15 or so, bought me a full-length punching bag, and we put that in the garage. So big long punching bag, which came in handy um with all the testosterone starting to come through. You get a tennis lost, and I remember sometimes I was just so annoyed myself, I'd just go in that shed and I would just throw punches and kicks and whatever I could until I wore myself out where I didn't have any more energy anymore to give. And so the punching bag was great, right? Um but look, it's it was when there was pressure and expectation, was particularly when I felt uh out of love with tennis. So once you're pressure, once you've got yourself a seed at a tournament and you lose, then that's extra, extra pressure, extra expectation. When you're playing someone you should beat and you've played them already for two, three years, and you never lose to them, and maybe they've improved a bit and you lose. They're the ones that hurt. So it's that it's that expectation um on yourself mostly. Um, losing the people you shouldn't, and yeah, so that's interesting. I was just flicking this over because I've got a few notes on this one. Um, so I went to college tennis, and I still was pretty feisty, and I felt the pressure of college tennis as well because I was on a scholarship, and I really was a bit out of I hadn't practiced, I hadn't played enough tournaments leading up to college tennis the year before I trained, trained, trained to get better, but I hadn't actually played any tournaments. So my competition side was lacking. I felt the pressure, and I certainly cracked a few times at college tennis and had a had a few moments, moments there. When I finished college tennis and and started coaching tennis, uh moved to Darwin at 20 20 20 to 21. Um I guess that's where I started to change a little bit in how I approached winning and losing. And it was coaching, it's being a coach, it was the best thing for me because I guess I was in a position of responsibility, and there were other kids. Let's say I was 21, 22, and there's 12-year-olds there watching me play, and I couldn't be going crazy, I couldn't be yelling out and and doing all this stuff, and and so look, I wasn't perfect from then on, but I changed and I changed fairly quick. So early 20s, a bit hybrid, um, mid-20s, by the time I had moved to Perth. So I went to Darwin, to Perth, uh, then to England, and then back to Perth. When I settled in Perth as the club coach at Scarborough Tennis Club, which is what I am still today, I think my attitude changed a lot at that point. And except for I I can think of maybe two or three exceptions where I did lose it, lose my mind a little bit. I maintained a fairly a fairly calm demeanor while I played. Calm demeanour, maybe it's the wrong way to put it. I didn't throw my racket and I didn't yell. I was still fired up, still taking on every point, but I learned to channel that energy and that competitiveness into my legs, right? Just running every ball down and and and channeling it. So it's about controlling what you control, right? So what could I control? I could control running for things, not reasonably quick. Uh, more agility, sort of my thing. Moving, moving in in agility, cone to cone is is be my strength. Running in a straight line, I'm okay, but I'm not not as good as agility. And I'll just run for everything, get to every ball and make them play. So that was a way that you could really control what you can control. The other thing was I learned a little bit about breathing techniques, and and breathing techniques is a lot of different ways, but at the end of every point, one deep breath in, hold, and then out. And just by doing that, which is normally in the time that you want to respond and get angry, uh, that helped that helped things out a little bit. So I guess that the the love story of tennis started to come back a little bit as I rediscovered myself as this uh somewhat calm-focused player. Uh I keep using the word calm. I don't think I've ever been calm as a player, but yeah, I can't think of the word, but no racket throws, no yelling, but just fighting every point, doing your best. And always at the end of a match, I was always happy to chat to the person. That never mattered. I was never upset with them. Uh mostly I was just upset with myself and what I was doing. And kids today or adults who get upset, normally they're just annoyed with themselves. It presents itself rude and things like that, but normally they're just so disappointed in themselves and they're feeling that pain that they can't keep it in. So that's that's what happened. Um, mid-twenties, I sort of in my 20s and 30s, uh, we played at Discovery Tennis Club. I took a team from what would Div 5, which is probably a bit below my level, and we worked up and recruited players uh to div 4, to div3, to div2, to div one, and then once I'd recruited a full team in division one, we we went undefeated in division one and we went to state league. And so that was a really nice journey to to do all of those years where I was enjoying the battle, uh, but I wasn't embarrassed with anything I did at the end of a match. Like in 10 years, I was sort of embarrassed, you know, because I didn't want to be that kid, but I couldn't help but be a little bit feisty. So, look, I guess the lesson for me is by being a mentor, you've got responsibility to others. Um, you've got to take ownership over your losses. Like, don't blame anyone. You you take ownership and you think, well, how can I what can I do better here? And normally you can train a little bit harder, uh, you can change your game a little bit, there's shots you can work on that you're maybe susceptible to mistakes, so there's always something there. You take ownership of your losses, you you try to work on parts of your game to try to improve and and take responsibility for yourself. But end of the day, how you present yourself is that reputation will be carried for a long time. But tennis, it's it's it's it's a relationship you have with the sport. You're gonna have some good and bad days, good and bad moments. Uh, accept both, don't get too high when you go up, and don't get too low when you go low. Uh, easier said than done, of course, but it's um it's always worth it sticking with it and uh and then you know really staying persistent, staying determined to get better. And if you're doing that, then you are controlling the controllables, and uh that's the that's the better best thing you can do. So um that's it for me. Uh we'll chat again next time. Cheers. The art of credit. The art of credit, art of credit.