Shake The Ground Podcast

Louise Cody on the Motherhood, Postpartum Depression & Finding Her Spark Again!

• Nathalie Lennon • Season 1 • Episode 3

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0:00 | 53:47

This week on Shake the Ground, Nathalie is joined by Louise Cody. A comedic & down to Earth content creator who recently became a Mother, sharing her highs, but also the lows that she experienced along the way. 

Louise opens up in such a brave & beautiful way during this conversation, in a way that is bound to help so many mothers to be, new mothers & also partners/friends of new time mothers and how they can support them. 

They also speak about much more outside of motherhood, touching on Louise’s mental health journey from when she was younger up until this point & the choices she has made that truly encompass the ethos of Shake The Ground podcast. 

Follow Louise here: 
https://www.instagram.com/louisecody 

Follow Nathalie here: 
https://www.instagram.com/nathalielennon_ 

Subscribe to our YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/@shakethegroundpodcast

SPEAKER_00

Shake the Ground Podcast is brought to you by Amplify Podcast Studio. They don't just produce podcasts, they build podcasts designed to last. See Amplify.ie. Welcome to Shake the Ground, the podcast that's here to remind you that the life, job, relationship, and persona you want is on the other side of overcoming fear. I'm your host, Nathalie Lennon, and every week we're diving into the stories of people who dared to do things differently, or will help you be able to do just that. I'm a believer that confidence isn't something you're born with and that it's something you build. And I hope that this podcast helps you to do just that in many areas of your life so that you never settle for less than what you dream of, be that in your career, relationship, family, and everything beyond. So if you've ever felt stuck, scared, or like you're playing small, let's shake the ground. Today's guest is someone who I think shows that shaking the ground doesn't always have to look dramatic. Sometimes it can be a quieter personal shift that changes you the most. Louise Cody has built an incredible social media platform around being completely herself from fitness, her love for sport, being on the farm, and even her love for pints, which I can confirm is a deep, deep love. And we're not talking about the sport kind of pints, we're talking about the black stuff here. But recently, becoming a mum has brought a whole new kind of change, challenge, and adjustment to her life, which is what I am excited to dive into with her today. So we're going to be talking about shifting identity, growth, and what it really looks like to find your feet again in a brand new chapter, particularly a motherhood. Mama Cita Louise, welcome to Shake the Ground. Hello, thanks for having me. This is this is a crazy one because we've been friends for so long. And we've always said, no matter how much time goes where we don't see each other, our friendship is always the same when we do meet up.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And I haven't saw you in so long. Like I haven't heard about your transition into becoming a mum, how the birth went those first few weeks, and then how the I suppose difficult times hit afterwards. And I know it was difficult for you. And we're going to dive into all of that today. But before we start, can you take me back a bit to before motherhood for listeners who might not have heard you before? And I suppose talk to me about how you got into social media and built that confidence in yourself. What was that journey like for you pre-motherhood?

SPEAKER_01

Okay, so basically, I think like a lot of people, it I kind of not like a lot of people, but during COVID, I kind of started making videos on TikTok for entertainment because himself was on the farm, you know, the work didn't stop for him. So it was kind of a way to entertain myself. TikTok, I felt like it hadn't really taken off here when I was when I started on it. And I was like, there's nobody from home that can see me on this. So I was like, making my video isn't fine. And I just kind of grew and grew and grew through probably looking for a bit of um what's the word I'm looking for? Company, essentially. I was still home by myself, bored out in my mind. Um and I was always afraid, I was always really conscious of my accent. Like I always like I remember I used to go to college in Dublin and there was always be an echo of my accent in the class. And so I was always very aware of how I talked, but like I couldn't change it.

SPEAKER_00

But I guess for a platform like TikTok, and particularly during COVID, people got to to hear like that deep country accent that they wouldn't really hear elsewhere.

SPEAKER_01

So I kind of it started with lip syncs, and then I found that the videos where I was just talking myself did way better, and people actually liked my accent. Now I think it wasn't an Irish audience that liked my accent, to be honest. I think it might have been more of the Americans. The Americans love the accent. Yeah. But um it just gave me a confidence in myself to just use my own voice because I probably would have hid hid behind lip synks and like songs and stuff like that. Whereas that kind of all all the positive comments about my accent, I just like started talking more and more and more, and then you know, TikTok took off, and when brands wanted to work with me, it was through insta they wanted to to work through Instagram. But I had actually considered deleting my Instagram because I was like, everyone from home follows me on Instagram. But then I just started on Instagram, and I don't I there was always a little bit of nerviness doing that, but it that's now grown as well.

SPEAKER_00

So I love that. I actually don't think I've ever spoken to you about this before, like how you built that confidence in yourself. And I never knew this story of initially it was lip synks, and you felt like you might have been hiding behind that. And when you started sharing your actual accent, it's funny how much social media for some people can knock us down, but it really helped to build you up.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. So do you think from that moment on your confidence just grew as a result of the platform you were building?

SPEAKER_01

I don't think no. Well, I think there was there was still times where I was quite anxious and and I don't I don't know what at what point I I'm rambling. No, no, I know, I know what you're getting to, right? Because my next question is like my all my mind is like jumbling a million ideas in my head, and I'm just trying to just nail down. Sorry, that's a sleep deprivation. I will I'll I'll work this out.

SPEAKER_00

So my next question was going to be like, was there ever a stage where you doubted yourself? Because I mean, we've spoken before about how social media can put pressures on us, and it definitely caused me to have a really rocky road where my confidence, my body image, my mental health. Like I suffered immensely. And we're gonna go into speaking about your mental health post-pregnancy. So, social media, your journey as a person as a whole was kind of an upward trajectory, I would say, even into COVID. And then with social media comes, like you said, these kind of pressures or maybe worries of judgment from local people. Um, and that's in no way to dis is that the word dislike local people who don't have, you know, who don't want to post online. Hey, I'll do scroll. I'll do it. I will do it.

SPEAKER_01

That's for a whole other podcast. No, look, I think I did so well on social media um because I didn't actually put much pressure on myself because I was just kind of posting for my own entertainment, and I had more people saying to me, like, I brightened their day, I made them laugh, I did this, I did that, and that was kind of driving me. And there was never really this pressure on myself to like, I wasn't trying to make it, like, yeah, you know, it was just a bit of fun for me, and now I I'm lucky enough to do it full-time, and it's because of all those years of just having fun and making authentic content, and I've just carried that now into a full-time job.

SPEAKER_00

So, speaking about mental health then, and I suppose your journey with mental health pre-pregnancy, was that always quite positive?

SPEAKER_01

No, I would have been I would have been bullied in school and through my teen years then would have gone through rocky stages of low self-esteem and low confidence, and then would have gone through a very rocky stage at 21 where I would have had to get anxiety classes for panic attacks. So once I worked through all that, then I know that's an awful lot to just throw into one sentence.

SPEAKER_00

Like I'm sure we gotta listen and going, oh my god, but she like she was just talking about how confident she became because of social media. Like, how how did you overcome panic attacks, anxiety, and getting bullied in school to be such a bright and bubbling confident personality?

SPEAKER_01

It didn't happen overnight. Okay, but I acted like So like share that toolbox with us.

SPEAKER_00

Do you know what I mean? Right.

SPEAKER_01

Well, I couldn't do it by myself. Basically, it was more so admitting that I was in a bad place and I had to seek external help, which I did. I went to see someone professionally. Um, I talked regularly for for I'd say the guts of a year and a half and did those anxiety classes to work on uh my coping mechanisms and all those things and just kind of came out the other side of it and you know, an awful lot to do with it with is kind of like worrying about what other people think. And you know, people what other people think is none of my business.

SPEAKER_00

I know, but I relate to you so much because even at like 32 now, I'm like, okay, surely you're over caring about what other people think, particularly in what we do, like posting our lives online. Uh, but there's still days where it catches me. And we seem to have this kind of thread in Shake the Ground where a lot of us have struggled with mental health anxiety, building our confidence, gone to a professional, and that's helped us get it back again. So I love that that's popping up here on the podcast numerous times. But going to professionals, seeking that help, getting your confidence back, was that an like an easy process then to transition it all to being online?

SPEAKER_01

Um, I think by the time I was online, I was well and truly like over it. Yeah, yeah. I was well and truly over my kind of dark period. Because I would have been like 21.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

To 20, 20.

SPEAKER_00

Social media never got in the way of your mental health journey. It never caused any negative effects. No. That's incredible. Because that's rare, I think, nowadays. Usually there's some sort of negative knockback from building your personality and building a page online. But it's always been positive for you.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, well, to a certain extent, TikTok does have its trolls. Like I think in the early days on TikTok, there used to be some com comments that would knock me, and I might now post for a day or two and come back, and then I'm like, these people don't know me. The people that are in my circle know me to comment on me. Like, why would I be worried about that?

SPEAKER_00

I know, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

But it's easier said than done sometimes.

SPEAKER_00

TikTok gets me because you know the folded comment section. Yeah. I don't know if if you guys listening can relate to this, but like when you post a video and you see the comments that that are on the video, like that's great. And then sometimes I go into my video, tap into comments, I'm like, what the hell are these folded? What's this folded shit down here? I'm like, TikTok didn't tell me I got this comment, but everyone can come in and look at it. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Like, when when was this a thing? To be honest, I haven't been posting that much on TikTok. I've put all my energy into Instagram.

SPEAKER_00

Because that's where the work is for you. Yeah. Yeah. So that makes sense. Okay, right. So we've got we've got the baseline idea of kind of your journey to building this confidence, what you struggled with. And I don't want to dive into too many of those struggles from you know your teenage years in school. Uh, maybe we'll save that for another day. But what I really want to dive into is becoming a mom because I feel like there will be a lot of um women listening that are maybe pregnant, want to get pregnant, hope to get pregnant, or have just had a child, maybe they're having another, and they'll be really interested in hearing these stories because it's a stage in life that we are at at our age. Um, and maybe male listeners who want to support women through that as well. Uh, I've never spoken to anyone about this the way I'm about to speak to you. So I'm really excited to hear more. Becoming a mom, first of all, like we don't need to go into detail here, but how was like your birth?

unknown

Oh God.

SPEAKER_01

Can we ask this? Yeah, of course you can. Okay, well, I don't want to scare monger anyone, but uh, I was induced um two weeks early. She was measuring three and a half weeks to four weeks bigger than I remember getting these voice notes being like so she was big. Um, so she was so I got I was brought in anyway. I was induced 12 o'clock on a Thursday. Quarter to one that night my waters broke, wasn't brought into the labour suite until 12 o'clock the next day.

SPEAKER_00

So it was about two days that time scale, midday, you're induced. Yeah. 13 hours later your water breaks. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And then 12 hours nearly. And then brought in, and then they started the drip. And she really, really wasn't ready to come out because I was on the oxytocin drip from 12 until she wasn't born until 20 23 minutes past 10.

SPEAKER_00

Oh my god. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So she really didn't want she was nuts and okay.

SPEAKER_00

So you had a difficult time when it came to your birthday.

SPEAKER_01

That's what the one point I will make because I will forget to say this, is that in hindsight, I fet felt like I was scaremongered into inducing because she was quite big. I was very I emphasized I didn't want a section. Okay. You mightn't go by yourself. We don't want you to tear, blah, blah, blah. So I was kind of scaremongered into it. And had I just I think I just would have left her in there. If I if I have another one, I'll be like, I'm not getting induced. Okay. They'll come out when they're ready.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, that's interesting. Taking that on board. I'm not there yet, but I've hopefully will be someday. And I'm like, interesting.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I was like, so I wasn't progressing at all, and I was getting sweep after sweep after sweep. And it was, I don't know if you've heard anything about sweeps, but they're not very pleasant, and I could feel everything. So I was like, give me the epidural. That was like the only thing on my birth plan. Epidural to me. Yeah. And it had to be resited in my spine six times and didn't work. Resited in your spine six times. What does that mean exactly? So basically the epidural needle had to be put in into your back. Six times. Taken out, put back in. Taken out, put back in. And it didn't work. So I had no pain relief. All nine pounds of her.

SPEAKER_00

Sorry, I'm I'm actually just sitting here in shock. I feel like I'm in pure silence. I didn't know this. Yeah. Your epidural did not work, so you had no pain relief giving birth.

SPEAKER_01

A lot of women do it. A lot of people opt to do it.

SPEAKER_00

Women run the world.

SPEAKER_01

And if I have to have another one, I just have to make peace with the fact that I won't be getting an epidural because it doesn't work on me.

SPEAKER_00

So is that kind of a given if it didn't work the first time?

SPEAKER_01

So I have uh spinobifida.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

So like my vertebrae are not like fully for I don't know what if what the exact term is for it, but basically where it needs to be going in, it wasn't it was going in there. So like all the doses of the epidural were going in. It just wasn't being able to do it. It wasn't actually going to the area it needed to go. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00

She's just in there having a little flowy party.

SPEAKER_01

But um So after all that, you didn't get any pain really. No, I was unwell from the amount of drugs going around in my system that weren't doing anything, but um they say that she came taking fast and they tried to coach me through uh pushing the butt when when she was coming, so it took that length time for me to to dilate to ten centimetres, and when she came, she came within three minutes. I couldn't stop. They were telling me to stop pushing because I'd tear her and I was like, I can't, I can't.

SPEAKER_00

Three minutes of your life? You know that people say like on a scale of a zero to ten, what's the pain level? You know, when you go to like a physiotherapist, and obviously you'd say ten, but like how far beyond a ten would you go to really describe the pain? Do you know what I mean? I'm dramatic like that, like I'd go beyond the ten.

SPEAKER_01

Um I don't like I don't think it was as pain. No, it wasn't as painful as I was expecting. Oh my god. Okay, that's I mean it wasn't great, like Yeah, but still that gives me hope. And also, I don't I don't know why people say you forget about it, you don't. I for like for three or four nights I was waking up with PDSD with the feeling of it. I was like, stop.

SPEAKER_00

Oh my god. Well, like I'm gonna go again.

SPEAKER_01

So, like, I mean, it's not that bad.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I love that. Thank you for sharing that with us because it's it's like an intimate thing to go through and share. But I feel like okay, obviously the epidural not working is a nightmare. And I'm sure at that moment you were terrified as to how the actual birth was going to go. But the fact that you didn't have the epidural in your system, like it wouldn't work, and then it wasn't as bad as you thought. I feel like that's giving a lot of us hope that are listening. Um, okay, so moving forward then into becoming a mom. Um, I don't even know where to start, Louise, because this is really my first time, and I hate that it's my first time really getting to talk to you about it. But talk me through that shift, Louise. Like, not as a mother and now with a child to look after. How is that shift in your identity?

SPEAKER_01

I I feel like it's changed my whole mindset and look, outlook on the world. Like, even if I look at shows with kids in it now, like I just feel so differently. But like the first couple of weeks, like the first couple of days in hospital, like I was just looking at her, balling and be like, I love her so much. Like Dennis came in and was like, What's wrong? I love her so much. I was like, Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_00

But your hormones are going everywhere over those few days as well.

SPEAKER_01

But like, as well as that, like so the first few days, they don't even realise that they're out, like they don't realize they're out in the environment. They're quite they're very quiet. You have to wake them up to feed them, like all those things. Like, they're just very like tame.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And then it was on so I went in on Thursday, I was out on the Sunday, home, and I just I don't know what happened when I got home. Whether it was it was probably I couldn't sleep, I was in a really like uncomfortable bed, so I didn't sleep much in the hospital. And I think from the from the sleep deprivation and just the traumatic ordeal of my birth and like all that kind of came together when I got home, and I just like I just felt like I couldn't do it.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

I just felt like I felt I just felt like a terrible mother to her. I don't know why. I was like, I if she cried, I I would cry out. Like it's there was something in me breaking every time she cried.

SPEAKER_00

Um oh, that's so that's such a strong way to describe it. Like it makes me it gives me a pit in my stomach thinking that you felt that way for so long.

SPEAKER_01

I was in so much pain, like I had bruising all up my spine, so like trying to like change her nappy and stuff like that was kind of bent over, and like I also had an awful lot of stitches, so I couldn't walk, I couldn't sit down. I was in an awful lot of pain going around the place. So I was trying to tend to her and I was in so much pain that I just I I remember she cried at one point and I just like dropped to my knees in the kitchen ball, and I was like, I'm just like I'm not good enough for her. And this went on for a while, and then it was like everyone's like the first six weeks, why don't you get past the first six weeks? And she's kind of telling yourself, I just have these six weeks to get through. You'll you'll you'll see it wh whenever whenever you're lucky enough to have your own little baba that people will be like, it's like the next timeline, it's like six weeks, things get better. Yeah, it's like two months, three months, three months, and all these timelines are coming, and I was like, Holy hell. It's extending all the time. Um, after the I think it was about at about 12 weeks. Well, the first 17 weeks, I slept sitting upright because she wouldn't lie down on her back whatsoever. So I was like sitting upright like this against the bed, like this, with the pregnancy pillow around me. It was the only way. And she for 17 weeks. Yeah, and it went on even longer because from seven o'clock at night time she would start bawling crying, like purple in the face, covered in sweat, crying until maybe three o'clock in the morning. And he couldn't put her down because she wouldn't go down on her back. So it would be pacing with her, and she would only like she kind of would kick off even more in his arms.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So it was with me. So he would kind of like he'd be pacing with me, and like would take her, and then I'd take her back.

SPEAKER_00

But I was so difficult for him as well.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, so I was pacing back and forth, and until she would wear herself out and fall asleep in my arms and then get into bed, and she would sleep, and I would like just fall asleep with a head kind of against the headboard for a couple of hours of even. Yeah, um, and it was it was horrible because every day, like you know, I poured everything in the day doing it right, routines, everything, talked to sleep consultants, talked to everything, uh, brought to the GP, um, and it was just kind of like a way, like everything was done right during the day, and you felt like an absolute failure once seven o'clock came because you're like, what is going on? It's also like so testing on the relationship, it's like so hard. That's the one thing I was not aware of. Like you kind of like you hear about couples that are like going through hard times and they're like, Oh, let's have a baby.

SPEAKER_00

I never understood that though.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, holy hell! Like, I I remember texting one of my best friends and like, How are you still married? Like, she has a baby four months older than mine.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

I was like, tell me. She was like, Chat GBT has been doing my counselling.

SPEAKER_00

But isn't it there's some sense of peace in being like, Well, you knew your best friend was struggling too. Um, I feel like that's a really it's a really brave thing to share because not many people want to share that uh there can be such a strain put on their relationship. I feel like everyone, particularly someone who has um, you know, an online public page and a page like yours, just tries to make everything look rosy and happy and wonderful. Um and people rarely want to share struggles that can be going on behind the scenes or within your relationship. Um I have to say, like there's over the years, uh some kind of extended friends that I know that have had children uh their very first child and those first few months was probably the biggest make or break for most of them, uh, which kind of terrifies me. And I feel like there's not enough prep, maybe like prep opportunities there for couples to go to to really get you ready. I feel like there's a lot for the mother to prepare, but there's not a whole lot there to get the relationship ready as a whole for what you're about to go through.

SPEAKER_01

I think there is not an enough emphasis made to men, to be honest. I think, and this is nothing against him whatsoever, this is men uh in general, is that all right, man. Listen up. Yeah, listen up. Listen up, men. I think um, like as women, we're uh we're we're told constantly, like, we're made to do this, like our bodies are made to do this. But men are told the very same thing. So they're they're not there, they they they don't understand because society is telling them that you're you're made to do this, like, yeah. So they don't see the struggles, they don't understand the isolation and motherhood and all those things that come with it. Like I was well, I mean first he was the body changes. I didn't sleep. The first night she slept was the night after she was christened, she slept for eleven and a half hours through the night.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, that's freaky.

SPEAKER_01

Like no, that's freaky. The diva left, but then I I talked the diva left, but then but then I talked about it out loud and she took it all back. But she um like I was like severely sleep deprived for six months, like literally nothing. And it made me really realize like why they use that as like war tactics, like sleep deprivation as like a form of torture. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Because I was like it is, it's one thing that I that's the one thing that I always think about when it comes to someone who has a newborn child. Because if I get seven hours sleep instead of eight, I'm an antichrist. And I'm like, you're lucky to get three hours straight, really, in those first few weeks. Yeah. And it's one thing that I've spoken about to Max before as well. I'm like, we just, you know, if our day ever comes, we need to be aware that the state we're in when we're sleep deprived is not our usual selves and we're going to be that way for the first couple of months because I genuinely turn into a different person. Like, I don't like who I am when I'm sleep deprived, and I don't have the energy for anyone. Or anything. I'm like just leave me on my own. But you don't have that choice when you're a mother. You have to literally always keep going. Yeah. So like Louise, as um, this confident person you were, and that you had become and everything you have, you know, worked through, like all the anxiety classes, the panic attacks, all of those feelings. You were this, you still are this. But you know, going into your pregnancy before birth, such an incredibly confident person, everything going great. Um, how did your mental health change over those few months then after having your baby?

SPEAKER_01

So, do you know what's the the worst thing is that like because I suffered with depression before in my younger years, I thought I knew what to look for. So, like obviously, but like for like postnatal depression turns up for for people in so many different ways. So, like I was feeling like I was there was a lot of anxiety about being a good mother. I felt guilt about leaving her or thinking about like anything, and there was a lot of um numbness. Like I actually was like, I could go for a walk and there'd be nothing there, like I wouldn't even listen to music, I just would be like nothing there whatsoever. Whereas I always associated, I don't know whether it was TV or or stuff I read that I associate postnatal depression with just like not wanting the baby.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Whereas I actually just felt like I wasn't good enough for her, that she deserved so much better than me.

SPEAKER_02

Oh no.

SPEAKER_01

So I like I remember like my mom saying to me a couple of times, because my mom had postnatal depression on me, and she heard me say the word numb at some point, and she was like, No, get to the doctor, get to the doctor now. And I was like, I'm fine, I know what depression looks like. And it kind of went on for a couple of weeks, and I was like, No, no, this is bad. So ended up going to the doctor. I was still breastfeeding, I breastfeeded up until six months. The day she turned six months, I stopped.

SPEAKER_00

Fair play. Yeah, but still to do it for that long, yeah. That's it. But um that's a real eye-opener that that uh your mother suffered with it after you, because I feel like we rarely hear people speak about you know, our mums having gone through these things because it was probably lesser spoken about back then in comparison to now, how incredibly aware of her to be like, no, that's a red flag, we need to go and see the doctor. Um and I think it's just such it's such a brave thing to do for you to share this information, it's going to help so many other mothers to be. So when you went to the doctor and you realised, okay, I am struggling with postpartum depression. How did you overcome that?

SPEAKER_01

So how I overcome depression before was I actually there's absolutely nothing wrong with medication, but I opted for exercise and stuff like that. So I op I opted like the kind of what was my medicine, essentially. And that's what got me out of it. And I just I needed an hour a day to just go and exercise, and just that was my medicine. And to be honest, the more I got that hour that hour, the better I felt. And it just I just really started to feel my spark coming back.

SPEAKER_00

I love that because I I feel like um and that's something we've said here before, like seeking medication for anxiety, depression, absolutely no problem. But I would be one to say, I think like like everyone, just try everything else first, you know. But when you are uh a new mum and you're sleep deprived and you're trying to look after a child that isn't sleeping well and is crying a lot, and you're you're literally like sitting up trying to sleep for just a few hours a night, the motivation to to exercise is usually gone.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So you're sleep deprived, you're tired. How are you finding the motivation to get out for that hour?

SPEAKER_01

Because it's it's for see fitness and exercise was my identity before pregnancy. So it's kind of like it's kind of somewhat get like I'm adjusting to my new normal and I'll never be the woman I was before having Izzy, but it's given me that little snippets of what I had before.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

So that's kind of what motivates me, and also the endorphins afterwards. I just feel like a new woman after I move, and even if I don't do an awful lot because with breastfeeding, all your joints are very loose.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

So like your wrists. You know that. Yeah, so like your your hips loosen and move so you can give birth, but your knees and your elbows and your wrists and stuff become quite weak.

SPEAKER_00

My knees are weak enough, is it is. Oh no, my knees.

SPEAKER_01

Um, so like I'm only in the last three weeks back lunging. Like I couldn't lunge at all.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, yeah. So To be fair, that's one of the most difficult exercises I think on all of your joints. I'm not doing lunges, I I haven't done them really. Well, I've tried since October because of runner's knee. So I'm just doing every other form. Lunges are tough without, you know, having loose joints from breastfeeding, but you're back doing them recently. Yeah. Okay, that's great.

SPEAKER_01

But it's it was it's the motivation is basically the hour for for me away from her makes me better for her.

SPEAKER_00

I love that. I had a feeling that's how it was going to be. Um, but then I have two questions for you. So one is, I'll ask you both because I'm afraid I'm gonna forget the other. One is when you started exercising again and you realized, well, this is my form of medicine that's gonna help me get over my postpartum depression, it is exercise and fitness, because that's what it always was for me. Obviously, after giving birth, you can't exercise the way you once did. And that's a huge change for someone who used fitness as their identity. And I would be the very, very same as you, Louise. Like, that's one of my big fears for hopefully if that day comes for me. I'm like, how will I adjust to not being able to run and lift as much as I do right now? So I'd love to know what that change was like for you and what you did initially as exercise. And then secondly, the support. So I feel like I have this fear that because I would be, I'd say, one of the first, I saw this thing on Instagram where it's like, um, I'm one of the first women in my bloodline to like do high rocks or run 42k or whatever it is. I feel like no one will understand that I need that hour of exercise for my mental health. I feel like people don't understand that enough, even now as someone who doesn't have a child and it's just me on my own. Like, you know, when I go to Max's race weekends, I had to say to him, Listen, I need it may not be every day of the three or four days, but I definitely need an hour, one or two of the days to go and run and just do my own thing and do some exercise. Even though we're getting in so many steps, walking around all day, I just need that hour to like bring me back to me and center myself. Yeah. So I feel like he understands it, he's amazing, but sometimes I probably struggle with like other other times of my life where we're away. I'm like, well, my family understand that like I just need a break for an hour because well, it's it's uh it's my medicine, it keeps me well. But I feel like not everyone understands that. So I understand it for you. How did you get people around you to understand that you needed that hour? Do you know, to mind Izzy for that hour, that that that was your non-negotiable. Do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01

Well, to be fair, there was there was no convincing, like it's like my support system is my mum and dad mostly. Like and like when I leave Izzy, I'm leaving with mum and dad. And they mum went through something similar. Yeah, but they also did they know, like I had pelvic girdle pain, so like I was kind of stripped of exercise from like 22 weeks. Okay. Um, there was a lot of stuff I couldn't do. I was running literally route in 22 weeks. I was probably running my fastest five gays, like I was like bombing it, and then it was all stripped away from me. But um, my parents know how much exercise means to me, and there'd be there will be days where I would say the day before, oh can you mind is yet this time tomorrow, I'm gonna go to the gym, and I'll be in the house and I'll be like edging not to go, and they're like, You're not gonna go to the gym. And there's there's something in me, it never came externally. Like there was never a case where they were like, they made me feel like I couldn't go. It was like it's like a I felt selfish for going. Yeah, I just do know even when people offer help, it's like you feel selfish taking them up on it. I I can't really explain it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I know I'm not on your shoes, but I actually can understand it. I can because even years ago when I'd be like, Oh, I just have to go to the gym or I just have to go for this run before we head out for the day for a family event. Yeah, sometimes I felt like it was frowned upon because it was like, Can you not just, you know, be here now? Or like, you know, Christmas Day, I always go out for like an hour and do something at the beginning of the day because it's like before very full-on social day, I need that hour. And I always felt like I always felt selfish. I know it's a different uh situation completely, but I do relate to you and I can imagine that feeling is 100 times stronger when it's your child that you're given to, you know, your parents to look after because you it's not that you want this hour, you need this hour, but it's getting yourself to understand that because I think everyone else understands it around you, yeah, which is fantastic.

SPEAKER_01

Um but even like Dennis come home in the evening and he'll say to me, like, you didn't get to the gym today.

SPEAKER_00

It's funny, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01

And he knows by my mood and my whole vibe, he's like, I can just tell.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, it's crazy how powerful exercise is as medicine, and it doesn't have to be like I'm the same and I I haven't struggled with you know everything you've gone through after having a child. But if I don't get to do even a walk, you know, if I'm in at the laptop all day or we're traveling all day or something, and I haven't even got to do a walk because that is enough for so many people, I'm an antichrist. And I'm like, I I something I need to work on because I'm like sometimes you're not gonna be able to get out for this half an hour for a walk or whatever, and you can't let it affect you this way. But it it really becomes a non-negotiable.

SPEAKER_01

I feel like for some people, medication probably is the only option, and there's nothing wrong with it. It's just for me, I always felt like it was kind of like no, but I always compare this to like my back. So I had the option to get like um cortisol injections for my back.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And I was like, no.

SPEAKER_00

When at what point in your life?

SPEAKER_01

Like before I can't blame in like yeah, when for rugby. Yeah, okay, all right, yeah. Uh injuries from rugby, like and I remember saying no because I'm like, I'll only go and do more because I can't feel it. Yes. And make myself worse.

SPEAKER_00

I love that. When that we're so, yeah, because when it comes to cortisone injections, few people say that. Like I spoke to someone recently, he was dealing with uh he was dealing with a knee issue, and I don't know if you'll hear this, he once wants to run his first marathon and he was like, ah, the knee is giving me trouble. I think I'll just head and get a cortisone injection and push through it anyway. And in my head, I'm like, no, you can't do that because the damage you could do, yeah. Uh, because I got a cortisone injection years ago in my hip, just so I was able to do the rehabilitation without pain. And I remember the surgeon being like, You need to be careful, don't overdo it because you're going to think you're fine. You're not fine. The pain is just stalled, and it's really difficult to do that. Um, so you said no to the cortisone injections. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_01

But that's just kind of like that's just how I kind of look at medication for depression.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And then going back to what exercise looked like for you in I suppose those first few sessions trying to get back to exercise after giving birth.

SPEAKER_01

What was that like? The first six weeks, you can't you can't do anything for the first six weeks. Okay. So you hit the six-week mark and you can kind of get cleared to do like slight like pelvic floor stuff, core stuff. Yeah. And then like running and light, light weights and stuff like that from 12 weeks. Okay. So I couldn't get over how much strength I I had lost. I actually found an awful lot of refuge in reformer platters.

SPEAKER_00

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_01

So like every Wednesday I'd go like core past three. I had actually started going at like a later class, it was like seven or eight, and I was like, no, that's it's in the it's in the middle of witchin hour. Yeah. It's too much. He won't he won't cope without me.

SPEAKER_00

So witching hour was a term I just learned recently because one of my best friends has had a baby and she's like, Oh, it's the witch and error. I'm like, what the hell is the witching hour? It's a real thing.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, well, this it wasn't, it was witching hours for us. Yeah. Yeah. But so quarter past three on a Wednesday, so make that kind of a priority for myself that if anything, I got that once a week in the early days, and it was kind of it built me up, but like it was so hard. Like my wrists, I couldn't put like just so like holding the bar and holding yourself up.

SPEAKER_00

Like it was so painful because of how their mom was it was just so weak, it was just they were just so like mobile. Again, I love that you're sharing all of this because I've never heard any of this from a new mum. Do you know to prepare so many women for it? Um, what's been the biggest adjustment for you personally becoming a mum? Jesus, how long do you have?

SPEAKER_01

Um there's just there's for me, there's been so many. I mean, I'm adjusting to the just social media side of things. I'm finding it very hard to be consistent with, but I've been quite I think I've been quite um open online. You have, you've been incredibly open. It's it's something like I said this on when I was on Ireland M. I was like, I found the mom content online like it was just like toxic positivity, and I was like, it's not like that, and it's okay to not have it figured out. Like, I remember just feeling in the depths of it and thinking, Jesus, like what if there's and it was the content I was consuming was consuming me. I was like looking at it and being like, holy hell, I feel terrible. Like, is this what other people feel like? I need to talk about how I feel.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, Louise, I love how you just phrase that. The content I was consuming was consuming me. That's a powerful statement, and I relate to it not even being like because comp comparison is the thief of joy. Absolutely, yeah. One percent. I've literally stopped scrolling and stopped looking at the stories and posts of like some creators that I love, not you, of course, but like because I was just comparing myself way too much. Yeah, yeah. Way too much. I was like, I actually can't, and I feel really bad about it, but I can't see this content because it is not doing my mental health good. And then you feel like you're letting other people down. But okay, so you you feel like there is toxic positivity in the online mom space.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it just it's not picture perfect.

SPEAKER_00

No, but you're like, I remember having a conversation with someone recently about how it's like, okay, the birth date is coming up, so we're gonna get the spray tan, we're gonna get the nails from the lashes on.

SPEAKER_01

Uh I was I was trying, I was fighting for my life. Like, how would people I just like I didn't I didn't I didn't even bring a makeup bag?

SPEAKER_00

I love that, and you love your makeup.

SPEAKER_01

I was part, I like I I knew I was going in, like it didn't just happen. I was going in for an induction, I didn't even bring a makeup bag.

SPEAKER_00

I'm like, why would I be putting on makeup bag? I'm gonna put on your mind. I know. So then when it comes to that biggest adjustment for you as mom, I suppose it was trying to find your feet again in what is now your career online.

SPEAKER_01

Well, that and you know, like it's also adjusting into like I have friends that have babies and friends that don't have babies, and there was that adjustment that, like, you know, you kind of you get stopped getting I kind of stopped getting invited to things when I was pregnant because we're like, oh, she was she she's not gonna stay out late and she can't drink and she can't do this. And then when I had the baby, it's like you're too busy uh to be asked, like yeah, that you're it's just assumed when really sometimes like last minute things are like the best time for me to be like, okay, yeah, sure. Yeah, glove an hour out.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah. That's good to know because even with my my best friend that had a baby, I called up to see her there what two weeks ago. She might hear this now when it comes out. But I was like, I just I was like, I didn't know whether to call sooner or whether to leave it later or whether to text or whether to not text, because I'm like, I don't know how much of the bubble you want to just be on your own in for this time. It's I feel like I do feel like some people can just cut contact because they're like, oh, they're busy, they have a child, they're not the way to go. But as someone who didn't really know what it was like, I didn't know how, and even with you, I'm like, I don't know how much to ask, how much to text, how much of this time they want just to themselves. Yeah, it can be a difficult one to get right, but uh you gotta I think the moral of that story is there's no boundary.

SPEAKER_01

They're they're really listening. I think that like you know, if they're if they're not ready to see it, like I find like trying to make plans with people, like I can't plan in advance. I don't know what way the night's gonna go. Like, I really it's kind of like on the morning job of like, oh her nap is this time and this time, we can definitely do this today. Yeah, yeah. Plan in advance, it just never works out for me. But it's understandable. But I do think like definitely I'll reach out more. Reach out more. Like the funny thing is, like when I had Izzy, I became allergic to my phone because you're just you're trying, you're dealing with so many tasks a hand, whether it's the baby and the feeding and the naps or the amount of laundry there is, nobody talks about the amount of laundry. Or remember and to eat and stuff like that. You just don't think to look at your phone, so the messages pile up, so you you won't get an immediate response all the time. Yeah, but always they definitely always reached seen, yeah. And if if a friend says, Call up, I'm always home, that's a cry for help.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, is a cry for help. Yeah, um, and come here, a question for you. This is another big one. Who are you now compared to before? Would you say there's a big change in you as a person or your confidence?

SPEAKER_01

Um definitely there's a massive change. I'm like trying to figure out how to word this. Like I I look at her, I I shared something recently, and it's I've always struggled with um I obviously would would have got my confidence and stuff like that through working, but through the early days I would have always struggled with my self-image and like self-esteem. And you spend years um questioning your own beauty until one day it looks back at you. And I literally like, when I look at Izzy, I'm like, I literally, I made this, she came from me. Oh my god, that's and it just it just makes me feel whole.

SPEAKER_00

Oh Louise. Okay, so so right, that is just the most beautiful thing I think I've ever heard you say. Because before asking you that question, I was like, I wonder how she's gonna respond to this. Yeah, this is my first time sitting down with you for so long, like looking in the eye since pre-having your baby. And you were a guest on my former podcast, The Dating Games. Yeah. And I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I remember we came out and you were like, Oh, you were frustrated because you were like, I just didn't feel like I was like myself in there. You were like, I felt like I wasn't like my like confident, like comedic kind of self. And like you were amazing, you were absolutely great, and it was a fantastic episode. But I hated that you felt that way about yourself. But sitting here now looking at you, I swear to God, you have a whole new aura just beaming off you. Like, I feel like there is such a different level of I'm like getting all frame. Mamma zita, but like genuinely, you look so happy and and like so confident, and you're literally glowing. You are like I feel like you have, I feel like motherhood has helped you become even more of an incredible human being and confident human being after overcoming obviously a really tough patch with it. Yeah, you you're like through the tunnel and the light is there. Yeah, it's all thanks to her, to be honest. Oh my god, I'm so excited for her to hear these sort of conversations when she's older. Okay, right. So online as a mum, did you feel the pressure to show up the same way online after becoming a mum?

SPEAKER_01

No. Well, no, it definitely did. In in the early stage, I was like, how do I navigate my content? Um, I didn't know what to share. I definitely toyed with the idea of I didn't know whether to share the negativity, neg negativity. Um, but it wasn't negative, it was I was struggling. The realness. It was I didn't want to come on and lie. I wasn't gonna come on and pretend, but I just didn't want to come across negative.

SPEAKER_00

I know, but then you're also like, this is my life right now.

SPEAKER_01

So I think it it all started with I went for a hair I went to my hairdresser to get a hair appointment, or to get my hair done, get a hair appointment. Yeah, get my hair done, and I was sitting there and I was like, heckin' I'm gonna put up a post here now. And I was basically like, I I almost wasn't gonna come to this appointment. And I started with that, and the response I got from so many mothers, like current more like first-time moms, um age-old moms, like with multiple kids that happened years ago, like expecting moms, like so many people talked to me about experiencing the same, uh, to the point where I was like, right, I'm gonna set up a group chat, kind of like a Discord chat, because I didn't want to do a WhatsApp because like your numbers and that are on it. Um, and it'd be like the night shift, and it just ended up being this form where we bounced back and forth, and it felt oh, I didn't realize this, Louise.

SPEAKER_00

That's amazing.

SPEAKER_01

With sharing my uh struggles, it made me feel feel less alone as well. Like so it helped other people feel less alone, but problems. Like I wasn't a terrible mother, like I wasn't things weren't just terrible for me.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. I do think that's a big positive social media that more often than not, when you share your struggles, it actually helps you more than you think. You I know sharing it can be like, oh, post it, throw the phone away, don't look at it. But it helps you. Yeah, yeah, it does. I I felt the same when I was going through my eating sort of recovery. Posting about it actually helped me. And I realized, you know, I waited a few months for posting about it, and then I was kind of like, maybe I should have posted about this sooner because there's so many people who relate, and that gets you through it because you feel like you've got a community of of like new moms getting each other through this mom, my American mammies, mom, sidewalk. Um, okay, so I wanted to ask you then, moving on to kind of near the end of the episode. I'm asking everyone for a ground shaking confession. And that is this can be as a as a mom, it can be pre pregnancy at any stage of Louise Cody's life. Confess to us something you've done that really. Really shook things up in your life, big or small. Something that really like shook the fucking ground, you know?

SPEAKER_01

I feel like to be honest, announcing my pregnancy on my Instagram. Yeah. It it op it op it closed a lot of doors, but it opened a lot of doors. It it basically, I am such a private person, and people think I'm hiding stuff, but it's not. It's out of respect of my partner who's not on social media who doesn't want to be. I put him up if he wanted to be. Um it's not my choice to not have him there. Um so like even my wedding, nothing of my wedding was online. I knew and people are so surprised to hear I'm married. I'm like, no, that's that's mine.

SPEAKER_00

Because I remember seeing, you know, bits of your wedding and then seeing your Instagram page and being like, I can't believe she's going through this incredible, freaking beautiful wedding looking so so amazing. Yeah. And people on Instagram don't know because people just kind of presume everyone shares all of their life and all of their intimate details of their relationship online, and it's like so much healthier for your relationship.

SPEAKER_01

See, a lot of creators look at weddings to be like how to monetize on them. And I just it just wasn't for me. Yeah. And it takes away, I think, the enjoyment of no, I love something I can control, you know, that's something that's just mine. Yeah. Uh I even had a social media ban at my at my wedding, it was in Croatia, and I told everyone I was like, I don't mind you taking pictures of yourselves and posting them, just don't take any pictures of me and post them. Yeah. Um, but once I shared my pregnancy, like I lost six thousand followers.

SPEAKER_00

Did you? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

On Instagram. Yep.

SPEAKER_00

You're joking.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, 6,000 followers, and I got a lot of nasty messages from men.

SPEAKER_00

I'm so mad at people.

SPEAKER_01

Saying, Oh, you're soiled goods.

unknown

What the fuck?

SPEAKER_01

I'm married. That is the momentary. See, now when I did when I post like you when you said when you post something, throw the phone away. That literally happened because it was the most it was the most personal thing I could I have ever shared. Yeah. So when I did it, you could not share it because it was gonna be your life. Yeah. I I was I was running out of banked content. Yeah. And I was like, I was gonna come fight now or I have a child and I have to make a decision. But um it was the best thing I did because it while I lost a lot of followers, they're probably they're not followers you wanted to snow. I've always wanted I don't know why. I always struggled with female followers, and this has given me kind of a route into the female following, and I've made a little community, and it's lovely, and it's so nice, and just like chatting to mothers like yeah, that's what I I think having the balls to share something personal has actually worked out really well for me. Like I knew I would lose followers, but I was kind of like, look, they don't they don't like or engage anything, they just watch everything.

SPEAKER_00

So and I relate to that as well because anytime I go back and share like a bit of a throwback for overcoming an eating soda or body image issues, you know, I don't share much of it now, but when I do share those kind of reels, it's always a huge spike in engagement on that post where you are open and real and authentic and sharing the struggles or the information, um, and a huge drop in followers. So it's like the people that are there that want to support you love the content or liking it or giving you the love, but you lose all the people that are just they're only there for the surface level shit. And we don't want to be the surface level influences, you know. Um I love that. That was such an incredible confession. I was wondering before I came in here today what you would say for that. What did you think I would say? I really didn't know. I kind of felt like I had an idea as to where the other topics were gonna go. I was really, I suppose, wasn't expecting the exercise as your medicine for overcoming postpartum depression. I didn't realise that. That's incredible, I love it. Uh but the ground shaking confession, I did not have a clue. And I love that that's it. I honestly just feel like you are a whole new woman to when I saw you last in such a positive way. Okay, right, Louise, we're gonna finish this up with like a quick fire round. Okay. So I'm gonna throw different things at you. Some of them are like literally one-word answers, others you might have to think about a little bit more. Are you ready? Okay, okay. The baby is asleep. Do you clean the house or put the feet up? Clean the house. Love that. I think I'd be able to put the feet up quick.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, I I would love to put the feet up, but if I don't clean the house, it's not getting done.

SPEAKER_00

So no offense, would you like an hour-long everything shower in total peace or eight hours of sleep? Eight hours of sleep.

unknown

Interesting.

SPEAKER_00

Interesting, to be fair. I think I do the same. When was the last time you had eight hours of sleep? That's not on my list here, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_01

I don't know, gal. Even the night, even the night that she slept for the 11 and a half hours, I was awake all night looking at her, thinking she was dead. I was like, are you okay? Like putting a mirror in front of her mouth to see if she was breathing because I didn't want to touch her and wake up. Oh, the anxiety. Oh my god. I was like, why is she not waking up? Two o'clock. She always awake.

SPEAKER_00

That is mental. Okay, the most chaotic moment in motherhood you have had so far.

unknown

Oh Jesus.

SPEAKER_01

This is supposed to be a quick fire run. The most chaotic. The first 17 weeks. It's just chaotic. The first six months. The whole thing. Yeah, it's it's it's it's just been ki absolute chaos.

SPEAKER_00

Um, something you said you'd never do as a mum, but now do.

SPEAKER_01

Uh no, something came into your mind straight away, and now you're like, oh, I shouldn't say it. What was it? When you find like I've I because I've had such a miserable time with Izzy with the sleep and stuff like that, like I remember coming across a girl I know that was pregnant and be like, oh well, I hope you enjoy your sleep now. Like I just became one of those just wait people that I give out so much about in the run-out to my pregnancy. Like, I hated them. And the minute I came out of my it came out of my mind, I was there with my other friend who was on a maternity leave, and she looked at me, she goes, No. Like, I hate myself. This is what she's done to me.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, I love it. Okay, so if you're trying to get some positive reinforcement when you're pregnant, maybe don't come and confide in Louise.

SPEAKER_01

No, no, I'm better now because I I it was just one comment, one time.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, moving slightly away from motherhood. The biggest red flag in a person for you. Oh Jesus. Oh no, that's hard. It is it? It's funny, you think it's gonna be an easy one. I feel like I have a lot of them, but I can't think of one. I know. We'll come back to it. It might it might come into your head uh in the meantime. Voice note or texting. Voice note all day. Love it. Farm life or city life?

SPEAKER_01

Farm life. Oh yeah. Obviously.

SPEAKER_00

Um sticking to a routine or winging it.

SPEAKER_01

I'm winging it right now. I'd like to have a routine.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, we'll get there like. Yeah. Uh would you describe yourself as dramatic or chill? Depends on what time of the day you ask me.

SPEAKER_01

When I get her down to bed after seven o'clock, chill AF. But during the day I can get it can get chaotic and dramatic. Dramatic AF. She's very dramatic, so she's very dramatic, so she makes me a little bit dramatic.

SPEAKER_00

She's taken after you pre-7 p.m. One habit that's changed your life exercise. Yeah. Most embarrassing moment that you still think about.

SPEAKER_01

Oh Jesus.

SPEAKER_00

I don't I don't think she doesn't think I have one. Oh, I get embarrassed. It might come back to you, we'll skip. We'll skip. What's okay? I love this one. I've asked this to a few people, and we're gonna leave it on this one. What's your current life era called? Mom era. Mom era. Yeah. I would say hot mama seated era. Well, thanks so much. I will take MILF. We'll answer it to MILF. I absolutely love it. Louise, thanks so much for joining me on Shake the Ground today. I loved it. I hope you enjoyed it too. We need to go have coffee now and have way more chats than this. But that was incredible. Honestly, I feel like you have helped so many moms to be and new time mammies with the story you've shared today. Honestly. Well, hopefully. Yes, 110%. It's really inspirational that you can be so open and vulnerable and authentic, and it's what the online world needs more of. You shake the ground, that is for sure. Shake the ground. Hashtag shake the ground. Okay, before we finish up, I just want to take a moment to thank our partners at Amplify Podcast Studio. Honestly, having the right team behind you makes all the difference. And Amplify don't just produce podcasts, they build podcasts designed to last. They are the dream. So if creating something meaningful in this space is on your mind, definitely check them out at Amplify A M P I F I dot IE. And that brings us to the end of today's episode. Louise, thanks so much again for sharing your story. I know that it's going to help so many people and hopefully encourage them to shake the ground as well. And to you listening, if this episode is something that you've resonated with, take it as your sign that you are more capable, more ready, and more powerful than you think. Don't forget to subscribe wherever you're listening to us. And until next time, keep trusting yourself, keep pushing past the fear, and keep shaking.