Where Is Your Mental GPS Driving You

Mental GPS with Dr. Jana EP 7

Are you unknowingly steering your life toward failure, anger, or bitterness? Your internal monologue is constantly setting coordinates for your future. Dr. Jana shares powerful insights on catching cruel self talk, debunking the myth of harsh self criticism, and resetting your inner GPS toward a better life. She challenges the pervasive idea that tearing yourself down is a valid form of motivation. Tune in to find out how to unstick your mind and build lasting momentum for the days ahead. 

Key Takeaways

• Your self talk acts as an internal GPS that directly dictates your destination in life. 
• Tearing yourself down does not motivate you, it only fills you with a sense of defeat. 
• Childhood conditioning can be unlearned by consciously taking control of your current thoughts. 

Transcript

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Good day. This is Dr. Jana. We are going to talk about self-talk today. This is a new podcast. And again, in the intro, as I mentioned, so often people are looking for answers. They're looking for ways to have a better life. And it's exciting because you can have a better life. But there are things, little things that you need to include in your life that will lead to a better life. And I'm starting with self-talk because it drives everything. And people kind of look at me funny when I say that. But if you can think of your brain as having a GPS, right now I want you to think about where is your GPS driving you? You know, when you get into the car whether you use your phone or you use a navigating system like Garmin, what do you do to set your coordinates so you get to the place you're going, right? You have to have a destination in mind, unless you're just going for a drive and you're just kind of driving everywhere. But most people will set the navigation system to a specific coordinate. I'm going to, I don't know, Target. I am going to the grocery store. I'm going to go buy gas. I'm going to my kids' school. You know, they have a target place in mind. So often, though, people don't have that for their own lives. They have it for their car, but they don't have it for their own lives. And I get that a lot of times people that may not know exactly where they're going or they have kind of an idea, but maybe for right now, you set your GPS to happiness. How about that? You don't have to know your exact goal. You don't have to know that I'm going to major in this or I'm going to take this job or I'm going to marry this person. All you have to know is that you want to have a good life. And so often that is not the destination for a lot of people. I keep hearing these are things I grew up with, and you may not have heard these, or you may have heard these. Well, they made their bed and now they have to lay in it. Oh dear God. Really? That guilt process, that, oh my goodness, there is no hope, and then you die kind of process is pervasive and wrong. It's just wrong. Now there are things that, yes, you know, people do, and then they have the consequences of that. I understand that. I'm not saying it's a consequence-free world. It is not. But a lot of times people get stuck by their own mind. And you can get unstuck. You can unstick your mind, if that's a word. I don't know. But how do you do that? Well, the first thing maybe you ask is, what are some things that I am saying to myself that I wouldn't say to my worst enemy? Not enema. My worst enemy, let alone my best friend. What are some of those things? Are you saying things to yourself like, man, I'm stupid, I can never get anything right? I'm never going to be able to do this. This is never going to work. Everything is going to be terrible. Are you saying that? If you're saying that, are you on your side? Or are you on somebody else's side? Because you live in your body. If you're not on your side, who's going to be? Who is going to be on your side if you're the person that's always tearing yourself down? Now I'm not saying you become a narcissist and you're loving yourself so much that you can't pass a mirror without kissing yourself. That isn't what I'm saying. But I am saying, how about you say, hey, I did a good job today? I worked really hard on that project. I started that project and I was nervous about it, but I did it. How about that? Could you say those things to yourself? How would you feel? Let me ask you something. If at the end of a day, are you going to feel better if you go, man, I just suck. I should have done more on that project. I only got part of it done. Or if you said, you know what, I did quite a bit on that project. I worked hard on it. I'm I didn't get everything done, but you know what? I will get a lot of it done tomorrow. But I did a good job today, which is going to make you feel better. And more importantly, which is going to motivate you to do more tomorrow. If you feel like you're just a worthless human being, it's going to be pretty hard to work on that project tomorrow because you already feel worthless. If you're giving yourself some credit, if you're patting yourself on the back a little bit, much easier to do that tomorrow. There is a myth, and it is a big myth, folks. The myth is the more you tear yourself down, the more likely you are to be motivated. I don't know who came up with that. I grew up with that. All my friends grew up with that, but it doesn't work. All it does is tear the person down. Now I'm not saying that you should never take yourself to task. That isn't what I'm saying. I'm not saying you should say, everything I do is wonderful. That's not the point of this podcast. The point is, though, you need to be in your own corner. You need to be able to think about what I can do better? How can I do it better? But you know, right now I'm doing a pretty good job. Okay. So, yes, self-evaluate for sure, but not in a mean or disrespectful way. Not in a way that's going to tear you down. Self-evaluate in a way that says, you know what? I've got this. I can do this. I can finish this project, versus I'll probably never get it done. I don't even know why I'm bothered trying. It makes a huge difference. And so today I want you to start thinking about the monologue that you have on a regular basis with yourself. Are you building yourself up or are you tearing yourself down? Are you motivating yourself to do better? Or are you filling yourself with the feelings of defeat and hopelessness? One of my very favorite self-development speakers, he's deceased now, but he had a huge impact on my early life. His name was Zig Ziegler, and he said, if there's hope in the future, there's power in the present. Are you giving yourself hope? Are you giving yourself the idea that this is possible? You can do this, you can be successful. Or are you just beating yourself up before you even get to the starting line? I really want you to think about yourself talk. If you want to do an interesting exercise, take a piece of paper and write down everything you were told as a kid, good, bad, or otherwise. All the different things, whether it was a teacher, whether it was your parents, your grandparents, your siblings, your aunts, your uncles, whoever, what did they say to you? Did they say, you know what? You're going to be a great guy. You're going to be successful. You're going to be a wonderful woman. What did they say to you? Or did they say things like, Yeah, you'll probably end up in prison, just like your dad. I remember one day my husband and I were at fast food restaurants many years ago, and we were standing there. And, you know, unfortunately, the entire staff had imbibed on various substances that, well, made them not sure which time zone they were in. And so it was really difficult to get food. And it was in the evening and everything else was closed, which is why we ended up there. And we're standing in line and it was taking forever. And there was this obviously grandmother with her grandson, and he was probably about three. And he was getting bored because we had were standing there for like 20, 25 minutes. There wasn't very many people in the place. And you can see why, because most people who really thought about it left, right? But anyway, this poor three-year-old was so, so full of energy. And he wasn't being bad at all. He wasn't being out of control, but he started bouncing up and down in place because he just had to do something with all that energy. And he wasn't hurting anybody, he wasn't tripping anybody, he wasn't loud. He wasn't, he was just jumping up and down to get rid of some of that energy. And his grandmother said, Stop that. And so he stopped for a little while, but then the energy built up and up and down he started again. And she goes, You're gonna end up in prison just like your father. Now, I was much younger then and probably more polite. Now I probably say something to her like, Yeah, you know what? You're right. 85% of the people in prison were repeatedly told by parents or grandparents that they were gonna end up in prison. So you're probably right. You just keep telling him that, and that's where he will be. Maybe you should talk to him about it, what a good boy he's being standing in a line for this long with all that energy. Maybe you should build him up because right now he's not being undisciplined. He's just bored out of his mind, as I am, by the way. But I didn't. I just thought, oh my gosh, that poor kid. Yep, that's where he's going to end up. See, what we put in our mind stays with us. And the reality is it may be true and it may not be true. What if what people told you was one big lie? What if they got it wrong? What if it was coming from their own trauma or their own background? What if it was how they were raised and they don't know any other way of saying things? I remember a guy telling me, Well, I can't go to college. And I said, Why not? He says, I'm stupid. And I said, You're not stupid. Who told you you were stupid? He says, My fifth grade teacher. And I said, Really? I said, Well, all I can tell you is I'm a trained psychologist and you're not stupid. Do you know what? He has his doctorate now. He wasn't stupid at all. But he had held on to that for years. Doesn't make it true, folks. What were you told? If you were told things like that, go back and change it. Change what you're saying to yourself about those things because you can take control of your self-talk and it will drive you where you want to go. You can do this, you can have a good life, you can be happy. It may be a process, but you can get there. But change the self-talk, that's really where it has to start. Because if your GPS is set to failure, to depression, to anger, to bitterness, to hopelessness, it's gonna drive you off the cliff. Don't let it. You have control, you can change this. Empower yourself to change this. You can have a better life. I hope you subscribe. We're gonna go over the things that I've seen in therapy since 1995. I've been doing this for a while. And we're gonna talk about the different things that people end up having that keep them stuck. You can unstick yourself. You can. You can be happy, you can have a good life, but you may need to make some changes. And we're gonna talk about what those changes are like. I hope you have a wonderful day. Please take care of yourself. You have the right to be happy. Thank you for being here with Dr. Jana. Take care.