The Destruction Before The Phoenix Rises

The Destruction Before The Phoenix Rises

This episode is a transmission for the in-between — the void between the death of the old and the rise of the new. I walk you through the phases that come after you walk away from what no longer serves you, but before the clarity, purpose, or rebirth arrives. If you’re feeling lost, directionless, or like everything is crumbling, you're not broken, you're becoming. The phoenix doesn’t rise without the fire, and in this episode, we name the destruction as sacred. Let this be a guide and permission slip to honor where you are.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to Break Free. I am super excited that you are here. And today I want to dive more into the process of destruction and transformation through fire of that Phoenix Rising journey. Last week I talked more about my personal story, what brought me from the narcissistic dynamic that I was in, the corporate structure to burning down my life and recreating it on a spiritual path with a spiritual business to what brought me here today. And so I want to talk about the moment after we make the decision to walk away from something that is no longer for us, in whatever way this happens. Sometimes it's an actual decision that we make. Other times it's a tower moment that comes in to force the decision. And that's the divine essentially assisting us to get back onto our soul path in whatever way that means for you. So I want to talk about that process because we often think the tower moment or the decision that we walk away is going to be the hardest part of the journey. And it is hard to make that decision or it's hard to receive that tower. However, what comes next is this in-between liminal space where what was and who you were no longer exists. You cease to exist in that way. Yet you haven't really stepped into your new life. And maybe you don't even know what that new life is, right? Because there is this destruction process. And I know for myself and for so many clients that I work with, we try to avoid this process. We want to go from making this decision, knowing that we're walking away from this, going right into recreating, recreating the next step. And this piece in between that we try to skip is the most sacred part of the journey. This is the destruction of the old. This is the destruction of the timelines, the karmic cycles, the programs, the patterns, all of the things that can't come with us into the next path because they are essentially blocking our path, is what has to go. And in that is that sacred fire, that moment of transformation. So I want to talk about what it's like to sit in that moment and how that unfolds, how it's serving our journey, and how it essentially leads the path so that we can rise like the Phoenix. Our identity is the basis to everything in our reality, how we experience our life, what we're able to create, what we're able to manifest. Yet it's something that we don't pay any attention to because it is formed in a way for us. And it starts very early on in childhood with the programming, the matrix programming, societal programming, wounding and trauma in childhood. And we start to become this very molded version of ourselves of what society thinks is palatable, what's acceptable, what causes the least amount of rejection and resistance. And we kind of quote unquote fall in line with what's normal. And the moment a tower comes in, or you make that decision to walk away from something, the first thing that you are forced to look at or confront is your identity. And this is actually one of the most sacred parts of the journey because in your identity is your power to step into who you are on a soul level, to step into your soul path, but also to recreate your entire reality with whatever it is that you want to experience. And it collapses timelines. And that's what I think people miss the most about the identity work is it's not just about who you project into the world. It's not just about what you want to create, it's about collapsing the timelines into your highest timeline, the timeline you're meant to experience. So when this happens, when there's these moments that come in, whether you've walked away or the tower has come in, don't avoid this process. Now I did, I tried to avoid it. The first time that I hit the reset button on my life, I was 32 and I avoided this process completely and started recreating my life. Again, that's in the first episode. However, I had to redo it again at 37, you guys, because I couldn't figure it out. And so at 37, this is where I had to sit in the fire of transformation. I couldn't avoid that part of the Phoenix Rising journey because you cannot rise without the destruction of what no longer fits. You cannot take your karmic programming, your limiting beliefs, all of this smallness that keeps you stuck into your highest timeline. It can't exist there. And so this sacred transformation, this fire, this burning energy that is just removing all that is not you, it is painful and it is uncomfortable. And it is I think it's one of the most difficult parts of the journey. It was for me, anyways. And it's also one of the most beautiful parts because when you get through that, what comes on the other side is the magic that you've been searching for your whole entire life. So it will bring up all of the wounding that needs to be looked at, all of the parts of you that are not you, but it also in that burning process exposes all of the parts of you that are you that you lost along the way, the parts of you that you've forgotten about, the parts of you that are brave enough to do the thing that gets you to your highest timeline. And so it's a sacred process. It's difficult, but it is beautiful and it is sacred. Do not avoid it. Allow yourself to lean into this process. So once the tower comes in, or once you walk away from something, there are a couple of phases that you can expect to go through. The first phase is denial, some form of denial where you start thinking to yourself, what did I do? How did I make this happen? Like, how am I going to handle this? Did I make the wrong decision? And you almost start to see, like, oh, things could have worked out if I had just handled it this way. You almost start to reprogram yourself that what's back there is actually safer. You just handled it wrong. Or maybe if I had done it this way, maybe if I so you go through this whole phase, it's kind of a denial phase. There's a lot of excuses that come up. And then you go through this phase of survival and they can kind of overlap. So you're sitting here thinking, did I make the right decision? I should have done X, Y, Z. And then you're also at the same time starting to slip into your survival program of how do I fix this right now? Right. So for me, when I left the narcissistic programming, which is also leaving my corporate life, like everything at the same time. What I immediately started doing was like, oh God, did I make the right decision? Because there was a part of me that's like, did I walk away from my entire family, like everything for this? For what? Like I didn't know what was next. So it wasn't like I had this thing I could attach and say, well, I walked away from that for this. So I'm like, oh, did I walk away from everything? And I start to go through that process, right? The next process was the survival. How do I make money? How do I make this work? How do I start to reconnect with other people? How do I find my soul family? So I started just being in this survival program of taking all of these actions. And that just spins you out. Those are survival programs that do need to burn away. So be kind and gentle to yourself if they pop up, but know that they're not going to help you in this process. Like you can take all of the actions in this phase and it will result in nothing because what needs to happen is silence and stillness, so that what needs to burn away can burn away. And the first part of that is going to be the denial so that you can start to see that I don't know what's ahead of me, but I do know it's better than what I walked away from. And then you can start to get to the point where it's like, I know that there's something better for me, and I need to take one aligned action versus a hundred scared actions. So silence and stillness will be your key, your friend in this situation. And I know that's hard. It was hard for me, and I fought it for about two months, which just made the process so much more difficult because I was meant to rest. I was meant to be still and quiet. I was meant to be receiving intuitive insight and downloads. Like when we step away from something that's not for us and into the path that is, there is so much divine guidance if we tune into it. And you don't have to have a fully honed psychic intuitive channel, okay? You don't have to have all of that. You are getting guidance from your guides all the time. You're always getting messages. They will find a way to communicate, whether it be through another person, another channel, the readers that you see on um social media, from podcasts that you watch, like they will always get a message to you that you need, but you have to be still and silent in order to be able to absorb that. Because then when you follow that one aligned action, everything changes and the path is so easy. We are the ones that create the resistance because we're so desperate to get out of this fire of transformation because it's uncomfortable, because we're scared, because we don't know what comes next. Next phase is we start to try to rebuild from the past. And so this can be the part of you that wants to cling to whatever you thought your value was. So for me, I would really cling to like corporate titles because I wanted to be seen as successful. I wanted to be seen as needed and worthy and valuable. I was still a problem solver for everybody, the go-to person that could fix things, the most reliable person, the most stable person. And I started to recreate from those spaces because that is what made me valuable to other people, but that wasn't valuable to me or my soul. So those are the first programs that had to go. So often when you get to this next phase, you've kind of gone through this denial, this survival, you're starting to come out of that. You're going to start to try to rebuild from these old parts of you because those are the areas that other people valued the most. These are the exact things that need to go. So what you are quick to try to rebuild with or from are the things that have to go because these are the parts of you that other people value. They're not for your soul path. And that is what you will start to see in this phase is you'll start to recreate from there and it will feel so uncomfortable. It'll feel so icky. You will also be very blocked because again, the divine is guiding you and helping you with this path. And so it's allowing you this like playground to try these things on and to be like, oh, this is terrible. I don't want that. Otherwise, you're just going to recreate the same life you had. Like the parts of you that are wanting to be valued or externally validated by other people are the first parts that have to go. Because if you are looking everywhere outside of yourself from what you should be getting within, it'll be very difficult for you to step onto your soul path in the way that you need to. When you step onto your soul path, it is usually some of the things that you're most afraid of doing, right? So, like for me, it was my spiritual gifts. And it was sharing those and saying, I channel and I channel galactic beings, and here's these messages that I'm getting, and here's these quantum healing abilities that I have, and um, all just tapping into different timelines, all of these things that I was like, oh my God, if I say this out loud, people are gonna think I'm nuts. You know, they're gonna think I'm Looney Tunes. How do I prove that this is real? I don't have any tangible physical proof. There's all of these things. Then it was being seen, then it was launching into my own business. There's all of these different paths, and it requires the courageousness. I can't talk. It requires courage, it requires your bravery, it requires you to show up for your life in a new way. And you cannot do that when you are clinging onto these parts of you that are appreciated, loved, and admired on the external, because again, those are the patterns that kept you so small. It has to come from within, it has to be on the soul level. So pay attention when you get out of that survival denial phase and you start to try to put on all the old hats and the roles and the things that made you valuable to other people, pay attention because that's the first thing you need to get rid of. And if you can be aware of it and you can start to deprogram that very quickly, that's amazing. For me, it took a couple of months because I didn't even know what was happening. This process I went through was also my guides using this to like help me channel in the modality that I created, the method I created to help you go through the identity, purpose, and visibility process without the destruction of your life. Like for me, my whole life was deconstructed. And now I was able through that to develop the methodology that allows you to go through that same process without deconstructing your life, without having to have this huge tower moment or without having to hit the entire reset button. And so again, I didn't know that that's what was happening. So I was really fighting it and trying to put on all these old roles. I couldn't do this if I was still in my people pleaser mentality. The other side of that is what you are going through right now is the thing that you are meant to help people with. So again, I'm talking about the destruction phase and what that created. What I learned, the knowledge, the wisdom, all of the channeling I was doing within that and how I was being guided through it, I've now been able to turn into a methodology. I'm now able to share this with the world. What you're going through in this process is a part of a part of what you are meant to share with the world. There's so much more to you. You're multidimensional, right? We're meant to share all of ourselves, but that is a part of it. So remember that you are going to take this pain and turn it into your purpose. You're going to take your mess and it's going to become your message. Next phase is all about discovery. And this phase is especially uncomfortable because it's extra quiet here. It's quiet from your guides, it's quiet in the ethers, and there's not a lot of movement forward. And the reason for that is because you are meant to go on this process of discovery that only you can do. And there's also this discomfort of like all the old stuff that has always worked for you, those old patterns, the old like behaviors that everybody else admired, all the things that always worked for you no longer work. And so now there's this part of you that's like, oh my gosh, all the things, all the tools I had to like navigate this situation, I no longer have. I still don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing. What is next? How do I fix this? How do I figure it out? And what you want to do here is just take a beat to regulate yourself. And I know how hard that is in the moment when you have bills to pay. I had I had so many bills to pay. And I had no idea I had like two weeks to figure this out. And I was like, even if I get another job, I'm not going to get paid in time. Like I was in pure terror at this time. So my recommendation, though, is if you can regulate yourself, it'll make it a lot easier. So regulating through meditation, breath work, hiking, walking, something that physically moves energy in your body and starts to allow you to anchor in and ground. Um, because in this process, you are meant to be open and allow yourself to discover and follow these wild nudges you get. So, for an example, for me, I kept getting the nudge to share my channeled messages. And I was like, no. And then I kept getting the nudge to share my channeled messages. And I was like, okay, I will share my channeled messages once I get my life figured out, right? But that's again an old program that I had to be figured out. I had to be at a certain whatever in order to start sharing when it was like, no, I was meant to be sharing from the fire that was burning in this destruction. That's the place I was meant to start sharing from. And so you want to be allowed or allow yourself and create the space to just discover when you get that intuitive nudge, just follow it. Maybe it leads to something, maybe it doesn't, but you'll never know if you don't follow. And that's the important part of this is not looking for the right decision. It is just taking action on things and allowing it to unfold. Because in this process, I tried tons of different things. So I went back to like, okay, what did I love to do as a child? What excited me? What are the rabbit holes I used to love to go down? What are the rabbit holes I still love to go down? Like everything for me was coming back to spirituality, but I couldn't figure out like, how am I going to make this a career? It's not going to, maybe that's something I can do in a couple of years. It'll take me 10 years to build it out to be what I want it to be, blah, blah, blah, blah, all these limited programs. It wasn't going to be the thing that brought me what I needed, which was immediate like financial assistance. So I kept avoiding it. Had I just done it earlier, the financial assistance would have come a lot quicker because they were attached, just not in the like linear way we think, right? I always tell people your financial breakthrough is going to come from taking an action that has nothing to do with your finances. So for me, and again, I go into a lot more detail in this in uh the episode before this, but for me, essentially, I kept getting told to share my channeled messages and I wouldn't do it because I was afraid. And then I wouldn't do it because I was like, well, after I've got to go apply for jobs, I've got to figure out this, and then I'll then I'll do that. And it wasn't until I was like literally down to the minute that finally I was like, fine, whatever, I'll share my channeled messages. And I shared my channeled messages and I shared them over here, and the money started flowing from over here from something totally unrelated. Because that is the divine support that is available to us when we step onto our soul path. So allow yourself to discover, allow yourself to take the action without there being an um outcome that you attach to it. So take the action and discover like, do I love this? Does this light me up? Is this exciting? Is this part of my soul path? Is this something I want to discover more? Like, work through that and allow yourself. Sometimes some of the things aren't going to be your soul path, but what it is gonna allow you to do is get to know yourself better. It's also probably gonna allow you to overcome some of your fears. Because I think about it like, even if I didn't keep sharing channeled messages or launch my spiritual business, that would have been so valuable. And A, putting my spiritual gifts out there, overcoming the fear of being zing. Like there would have been so many things that I was overcoming in that process. So discovery, go back to what you like to do as a child. Go back to like, what are the things you always say that you're gonna do and you don't like, oh, I really want to try that dance class, or I want to take a singing, singing lesson, I want to act, I want to, whatever it is, like go do those things. You need to go do those things so that you can experience them. You never know what it's gonna lead to. You might go take like a singing class or an acting class or something, and you meet someone there, like there's so much magic to happen when we don't tell ourselves no before giving us ourselves a chance to discover. So go on that self-discovery journey. Um, that's the next part. And again, it's very uncomfortable because you don't know what you're moving towards and you're being asked to discover while things are falling apart. Okay. And you just have to allow that process to happen in order to get to the thing that makes the actual change. Otherwise, you're gonna keep taking like hundreds of actions that result in nothing versus the one aligned action that totally changes the trajectory of your life. The next part of this is thinking about how you can be of service because there is something you are here to create and express with the world. And that can be hard to think about from a what do I want to do? What do I want to create? What am I here for? type of a mindset. But when you can shift that to how can I be of service, what can I share, you can start to understand how your pain becomes your purpose, your mess becomes your message, your magic is you and what you have lived through, what you have experienced. It's your uniqueness. So you can start to think about it from that way. It starts to make it easier to think like, hmm, I really need to share my story, I really need to share my gifts, I really need to share my music, my artwork, my whatever it is for you, right? And when you think about it from that aspect, it actually starts to open doors for you to express yourself. Because the next step of this process is to learn who you are and express yourself. And I always say, like, you and I, right now, we're learning who I am. Like we're doing this together in real time because every time I hit the record button, every time I channel, every time I create something in my business, every time I do anything, I'm learning more about myself. And I hit the reset button on my life a year and a half ago. So this is an evolution. This is a process of getting to know ourselves and letting more and more of our soul unfold as we take these steps forward. I could not be doing this if I wasn't walking through my fear. I would not be getting to know myself on the level that I am if I didn't start the business, if I didn't post the content, if I didn't share my story, if I didn't share my gifts. Like my old life, my previous version of myself was basically living like Groundhog's Day over and over and over again. What is it called? Like Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Like I was going through the motions, whatever it's called. I was going through the motions every day, just existing. And if you look from the outside in, it looked fine. And probably by a lot of society's definition, it was, but I was living someone else's, I was just living something that wasn't my soul. My soul is like mystical, my soul is magic, and she wants to express herself, even though it was my biggest fear. So allow yourself to think about how I can be of service, what can I share? Because through that doorway that you open, just with that thought process, you start to think about what you can share. You start to allow yourself to even start to play with those fears of can I get over the fear of being seen? Can I get over the fear of sharing my story? How do I even get started? It just allows you to open the door to start to travel that path. And as you do it, that's the moment the real self-discovery unfolds. This is what I walk people through in my program again, because I help people do this without having to have the destruction. And to do it in a way where you don't have to necessarily hit the reset button on your life. You can like move from one timeline to another without this big like catastrophic event like I had. Anyways, when you do that, you start to discover who you are in a way that you couldn't possibly do from journaling, from going through all of the exercises, from going down the rabbit holes of who you used to be, who you are now, all of these things. And so go through this process of discovery and allow yourself to be witnessed. I always say this has been my success as I take messy action and I allow people to witness me in my evolution. Like this podcast episode right here, this is like a part of my evolution. Like as you follow along with me, my equipment will get better, my ability to communicate will get better, the information, like everything is going to continue to improve. I'm gonna continue to improve because I'm going to unleash more of myself on this podcast. I'm going to unleash more of myself in this form of expression. That is what you are meant to do, is discover yourself through this process. So we've got the destruction, right? We hit the reset button, we've got the tower, whatever that is. You've got that phase of denial, the phase of survival, this phase of really needing to discover who you are, trying to rebuild with the past, the phase of going down the rabbit hole, the phase of curiosity. And then you've got this phase, which is how can I be of service? And when you get to this point, you're in a really good place. But again, you can't skip ahead. That's why this is like a process. Because if you skip one of the parts, it's not gonna work the same. This is why, like, again, the Phoenix Rising, you gotta sit in the fire, you gotta sit there while it transmutes what can't come. And I know it's uncomfortable, but it's also the greatest gift because then you rise. And if you skip that part, you're never gonna rise like the Phoenix. You might get out of your quote unquote situation, but you're gonna get right back into a life that isn't meant for you. You came here to live a big life, you came here to live an epic life. You came here to live your soul path, your soul came here with the intent to create and express. And if you are living a life where you are not creating and you are not expressing, then you're living a small life, and that's not what you came here for. So the Phoenix Rising goes through a complete destruction process. There's the transmutation, the transformation through this fire. And then after that, there's this moment where there's just ashes everywhere. And you're sitting in those ashes, and that's where you re-emerge. That's where you find your self-worth again, your self-confidence through the processes that I just talked about. And now you're ready to start moving forward in a powerful way. When you get here, this is where it gets so much easier because this is where like the divine doors just start to open in ways that you didn't think was possible, in ways it didn't make sense. Like, even with my social media growth, it happens so fast. Like in my mind, I would literally say to myself all the time like, it will take me 10 years to build a following on social media. Or I would think, like, oh, it'll take me at least a year or two to build a following on social media. It'll take me at least like three or four years to be able to build, you know, an income or financial. Security and a business that I love. Like I just had all of these timelines, but divine doors open for you when you get to this part where it's time to emerge from the ashes. And yes, it still requires big, brave steps. None of this is like an easy quote unquote path, but it is the easier path than the part of you that was dying at the soul level by living a life that isn't yours. That's too small for you. So you start to make these decisions, you start to emerge from the ashes, the divine doors open, and timelines start to collapse. This is again why I'm so passionate about like identity and visibility work. It collapses timelines. And visibility can be in any way. This can be like, this can be setting boundaries in your personal life. This can be showing up in a boardroom. This can be expressing yourself online in a podcast, writing a book, sharing your art, your music, like just showing up in life as all of you. So visible in every area, in every form of the word. Because you are a creator. You came here to create and to express. So that being said, identity and visibility is the key to collapsing these timelines. It's the key to all that you want to experience. And I know that the journey to get there can be scary. I know that the Phoenix rising, we all want to get to the Phoenix Rising moment, but the magic happens in the burning, in the fire. Allow yourself to be enveloped by that fire. And if you want help with this, you can come do this with me. I can walk you through the process in a way where you are not going through the destruction. You are just re-emerging as the true version of your soul self. It's a beautiful, beautiful process. But if you find yourself in a tower moment, if you find yourself having hit the reset button and not knowing how to navigate, this podcast is giving you some step-by-step tools to walk through, knowing what parts not to avoid. So you don't do what I did, which is start over at 32, recreate the same, you know, a very different life, but at the same time, the very same circumstances, and then find yourself having to hit the reset button again five years later. So follow these steps. Allow the transformation to happen. Allow yourself to reach your full potential. Allow yourself to feel worthy and deserving. Allow God's Source Spirit to just burn the limiting beliefs, the programs, the karma, the cycles, all of the things that don't serve you because there's so much more out there for you. And do the identity work, do the deep soul-level identity work to discover who you are, who you have always been under all the masks, bringing that validation internal instead of looking for what was, you know, quote unquote making you worthy on the outside and bringing that internal, it literally collapses timelines, the divine doors will open and your life will transform very, very quickly. So if you find yourself there, I love you. I'm sending you so much love. If you are not in that space, but you are just not feeling like this is your soul life, don't wait longer to start this process because it doesn't go away, it doesn't get better. It actually just gets harder for you to hit the reset button. It gets harder for you to start something different. It gets harder. The longer you know you're supposed to post on social media and you don't, the harder it gets, the more awkward it gets, the more you build up resistance in your mind. So, anyways, I wanted to talk more about that process because I want to peel back the layers of what it looks like to start and restart, to go through a destruction while rebuilding, to go through a deprogramming while surviving. And I wanted to show that it's not going to take as long as you think it's gonna take, but if you surrender to the process, it's gonna be so much easier. So, as always, I'm sending you a lot of love and I hope nothing more that you can break free from the life that doesn't fit you, the life that is keeping you small, and that you can step into your limitless potential.