What is the Fear of Being Seen | Origins & Causes Explained

In this episode, we explore the fear of being seen and how limiting beliefs holding you back may be shaping your life. What is the fear of being seen? It is also called fear of visibility, and its meaning goes deeper than posting online. We explain the origins of the fear of visibility and the causes in simple ways. You will learn about self-sabotage patterns, authentic self-expression, and powerful inner healing techniques.

We also share self-awareness exercises, self-mastery practices, and steps for personal transformation. This spiritual growth journey will help you overcome the fear of being seen and stepping into your true power.

Learn more or work with me: https://bio.site/Kristenshea

Transcript

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Welcome back to Break Free. I'm Kristen Shea. This is Bob, and we are here to help you overcome the fear of being seen. So each episode, we are going to dive deep into the subconscious blocks, the limiting beliefs, the programming, the trauma, everything that has cultivated this fear of being seen. So today I want to start off with what is the fear of being seen? How does it manifest in your physical reality? How it impacts all areas, including like love, abundance, fulfillment, and why it feels so hard to overcome and why so many of us are struggling with it right now. So, first, when we hear the fear of being seen, often what we think of is something public-facing, right? So we're thinking about posting the content, publishing the book, um, sharing our art, our music, our gifts, our story, something that we are sharing with the world. And while that is a piece of it, it's not the whole picture. Because you can be doing all of that, you can be sharing things with the world and still have a fear of being seen, because being seen is to be yourself. Be yourself in every area, every capacity, and every moment in your life. So when we hear the fear of being seen, it's so much deeper and it's so much bigger. But we are truly here to become our true selves and to broadcast it unapologetically to the world. And when we heal the fear of being seen, we're healing healing our visibility wounds. And visibility wounds heal everything. It heals your money wounds, your love wounds, it heals all parts of you because it's healing the parts of you that say it's not okay to be who you are right now, that you're too much, you're too needy, or too whatever. You can fill in the blank with whatever comes up for you. Um, and so it's the fear of being our true authentic selves. It's letting ourselves be seen and witnessed in that vulnerability, whether it's at home in our personal lives, in our friendships, or even on the world stage by posting on social media. Let's go through some examples of what this looks like in Bob's life. So for Bob, he often feels like he doesn't really know who he is, right? Like he knows there's a bigger picture, bigger meaning to life. He doesn't exactly know what it is. It's just a feeling he has inside of him, but he has no idea what it is or how to get there. He often feels like if he's not playing the roles, wearing the hats of like who he is in his family or at work, he doesn't really know who he is. Like he doesn't exist outside of his work title and his family title, his home life. He doesn't have a true identity. And in some cases, he doesn't know what he likes, what he wants. He's just kind of like going through the motions of life. He's people pleases, he's very codependent. He is constantly prioritizing like everybody else's feelings. Um, he has a lot of difficulty setting boundaries. He can even feel his loneliness when he's around people. Um, because he is such a chameleon and a shapeshifter, being whoever he, whoever everybody else needs him to be versus just being who he is. He's always prioritizing who do you need me to be? What do you need from me? And in that, it feels very lonely because he's never really forging that deeper connection. He can have friends and family around him all of the time and he can compartmentalize who he is with one friend group. He can be different with another friend group, he can be someone different at home, there's a different version of him at work. There's all these different versions of Bob in his life because again, he's like a chameleon and shapeshifter. He often feels stuck, like he's living a life that he's not meant to live, or like he's stuck and doesn't know how to get out of it. So when you're in this position, there's a lot of frustration and there's a lot of overwhelm. And you just have this deep inner knowing like there's something more here, but I don't know what it is or how to get there. When we look at his relationships and friendships, he often wants to be the cool guy. So he doesn't want to upset anybody, he doesn't want to rock the boat, he doesn't speak his needs, he doesn't share his truth. If something like offends him or upsets him, he just like lets it roll off his back instead of like speaking up. So he's the cool guy, right? He's he's the easy-going one, no needs. He doesn't speak up about his wants or needs because he has a hard time communicating his feelings. Sometimes he's not fully in touch with his feelings, but then sometimes when he is, he doesn't want to bother anyone with his feelings. Um, he's more focused again on being who people need him to be versus being who he actually is. So he feels disconnected and unfulfilled, even in this area. His his um relationships and friendships can just lack intimacy. And some of them are really good. There's nothing per se wrong with them, but they're just not what they're meant to be. Like again, it's this internal feeling of just knowing there's something more. Um, and then at times, Bob has had periods of time in his life where he's had no friends at all and has really lacked connection because he hasn't really ever truly been himself. He hasn't been able to find his people. And so sometimes the isolation is truly not just loneliness, but like a true physical isolation. In his work life, his career life, Bob's always wanted to start a business, but he doesn't ever do it. So he just thinks about it a lot, right? We call this like the um the armchair astronaut where we dream about our dreams, but we never actually take action on them. We never really go after them. And yes, there can be a lot of different fears around starting a business, but the fear of being seen when you close that root of it, it will literally heal all the other fears and you'll be able to move forward with whatever that dream is that you want. He doesn't go after his like big visions, right? So even when he's at work, he doesn't go after the leadership position. He doesn't go after the promotion. Um, he doesn't even really like his job. He's just kind of doing it because it pays the bills. He doesn't really share his ideas or his knowledge at his work meetings. Um, he doesn't take action on the ideas he has. So there's a lot of times he has all these great ideas. He doesn't take action, he doesn't bring things to fruition. Sometimes he bounces around, starts and stops things. Um basically in work, he's just kind of going through the motions and showing up and doing what he perceives he has to do, what society wants him to do, what his family wants him to do, but he's not really living up to his potential or even going for anything that he's like passionate about. And then when we think about his fulfillment in life, like his purpose, that deeper meaning, he knows he wants to be a content creator. He wants to share his story, he wants to publish a book, he wants to share his music, his art, his gifts, his wisdom. He has so many things he wants to share, but he just dreams about it because he's too afraid to take action on it. He doesn't know what to focus on or what to talk about or how to do it. He doesn't know how people will perceive it. So he just feels stuck there. But this is something Bob really wants. He knows he has something to share with the world and he can even help other people. He wants to help and he wants to be of service. He knows his experiences and the things that he knows and has been through would help other people, doesn't know how to go about it. Um, and he wants to have an impact on the world, but he's way too afraid to even try. And then finally, he just knows he's not living his potential. He's not living a life that lights him up. He's very much um, I guess you could call it in zombie mode. He's very much in zombie mode, just again, going through the motions, doing what he's supposed to do. Um, and it's not even like his life has to be that bad or feel that awful. He just knows he's not living the life that he was meant to live. So this is Bob. This blue circle is Bob's energy field. This is his internal world, and this is his outer reality. We know that whatever is going on with Bob in his internal world is what is going to create his reality. We also know that 90% of Bob's reality is created from the thoughts, beliefs, programs, emotions, and trauma that he endured primarily before the age of seven, which is crazy. But most of it happens before the age of seven. So most of the belief systems that have Bob stuck in these patterns that we just talked about in the different areas of his life started and were anchored in by the age of seven. And yes, things continued to happen and new experiences kind of plugged in and some things got reinforced. But so much of this happens so early on and we don't even know it. So I want to show you how subtle this happens. Okay. I want to show you like we can, we're gonna look at trauma and emotions and all those things, but I also want to show you just how subtle everything is and the way it shapes our brain because we're working with the subconscious and the subconscious is constantly taking everything in and creating these little files, okay? So we're also gonna think of Bob's energy field today as a filing cabinet, okay? The other part I want you to know is that 90% of this is done unintentionally and indirectly, okay. And that will be like, you know, our parents or our loved ones or people who are in our lives are doing what they think is best for us, but it still has some negative consequences. And then there are things that are done intentionally through like abuse and trauma. So I want you to remember as we're going through Bob's experience, we're not saying anything is right or wrong. We're not saying one trauma is worse or bigger or smaller than another. We're just talking about Bob's life to demonstrate an experience and you can plug and play what's going on in your life so that you can better understand yourself in your world. So we're gonna think of this as Bob's subconscious filing cabinet. So the first experience Bob has is when he's nine months old. So even as a baby, Bob is already absorbing all of the programming, the cues, and the feedback and all of the things around him about who he should be and how he should behave. So he, of course, has no idea, right? And his parents and caretakers don't realize how much of what they're doing is impacting him. So, for example, at nine months old, he's crying because he wants connection. And crying is the only way he knows how to get the connection that he's looking for. Well, his caretaker, his parent or caretaker is extremely overtired and overwhelmed, exhausted, and just wants a moment of silence. So the caretaker picks him up and gives him a bottle. So even at this young age, at nine months old, Bob is already sensing frustration. He can sense this on an energetic level and he's recording a program, right? So we now we've got the first file in Bob's filing cabinet, recording a program, and it says, My emotions are too much. My emotions cause frustration and overwhelm. And then he's also recording another program that food is used to soothe his emotions. So now at nine months old, he's already got two pretty core programs here. Okay. Now we're gonna go up to three three years old. Bob starts dancing, and his parents are just laughing. They're just having the best time. So he dances more and they're laughing more, and it's pure entertainment and they're just joking, and there's all kinds of connection, and this attention feels really good for Bob. Okay, now later that day, Bob colors a picture, and his parents are like, Great job! And they put it on the fridge, and that kind of ends the interaction, right? Bob notices these two different reactions. So he's recording a subconscious file in his filing cabinet that says, Dancing made everyone laugh, and that's what got me the attention that I want. So even though I actually like coloring more, I'm going to do the thing that's getting me the attention and the connection that I want. And so he's going to dance more. He's going to do more entertainment, more performance, right? It's a normal human tendency for Bob to want attention and connection. And in doing that, especially with our providers, he starts to already shift without even realizing it to do things that get that versus be who he is. So he now has this other program that says, when I perform, when I dance, when I make people laugh, when I do these things, I get connection. When I color, I don't. So you can see his field's already starting to get filled up. In kindergarten, Bob wants to dress himself, but his parents say no, they're not going to let him because his clothes won't match properly. And they want him to look nice. They want him to look presentable for his class, right? And so now Bob's added another subconscious file to his filing cabinet that in order to be accepted, he has to look nice. In order to be accepted and to look nice, he has to dress a certain way. Now Bob is also recording a memory that says, Oh, my colorful mismatched clothes aren't okay. And again, none of this is done intentionally, but on a subconscious level, what his subconscious is is literally recording is who I am is not enough. There's something wrong with the way I want to dress. Having all these mismatched colors is not good. I need to be acceptable. I need to be all of these things. And again, we're not saying anything is right or wrong. We're just demonstrating how this shapes and molds his perception of who he is and who it's okay to be in the world. In second grade, Bob has a talent show, okay? Like a show and tell. And he wants to show off his rock collection. He's super into rocks. He's really proud of this. He's excited to show it to everybody. So he brings his favorite rocks into his class. And then he presents it and he sees a few kids are like laughing and whispering at him. And then another kid goes up right after him and they're showing off their Legos. And the kids aren't whispering, they're not laughing. All the kids are like watching intently these Legos. So now another subconscious file is created. Bob's interests, things that Bob likes get him made fun of, right? And that being different got him laughed at. And being an outsider is very scary because we have also have like this ancestral programming that says if we are cast out of our tribe, our people, our collection, then we are in danger, right? Because that is truly what happened many, many, many generations ago. So this particular experience is telling him that his interests are not okay, that he's gonna get laughed at, that doing the thing that he likes is what others may consider a weird hobby with his rocks versus maybe what is more mainstream, like the Legos, is going to make him an outsider. He's gonna get cast out, right? So he starts already starting to conform. And the next time he goes to get his toys, he's gonna grab Legos instead of playing with his rocks collection. So he's got a couple of programs coming in from this one, right? Okay, in fourth grade, Bob's super excited because he has these brand new sneakers and he's been wanting his new sneakers for so long. He finally gets them, right? And he's at the bus stop, and now a bully comes up to him and starts making fun of him for these new sneakers. This is further reinforcing an earlier program that Bob has to dress a certain way to be accepted. That what Bob likes makes him a target, right? So now it's not just like, oh, what I like with the rock collection gets me laughed at. It's like, oh, what I like actually makes someone seek me out to be cruel to me. So it makes him a target. It's dangerous. So what Bob's like what Bob likes is dangerous. Being Bob and doing the thing Bob likes to do is dangerous. So he starts to record these programs, right? And then he's further programming in that he has to dress a certain way to be accepted. In sixth grade, Bob's playing basketball, and the game is going awesome because he scores like 10 points, which is amazing. It's the most points he's ever scored in the game. He's so excited, he's so proud of himself. But his team loses. So nobody's celebrating because his team lost. Everybody's kind of down. His parents aren't really like congratulating him or anything. They're just everyone's kind of like, okay, well, we lost the game and they start moving on. Bob Subconscious now files away a new file in the filing cabinet that says winning is the only way that he gets recognized or celebrated, right? So now he has to do more. And it starts to anchor in these beliefs and these programs about high achievement and performance, right? And this isn't about like a participation trophy. This is about Bob's work being valued because he scored, he scored the most he's ever scored, but that wasn't enough to win the game. And because they didn't win the game, it wasn't enough to get celebrated or get that intention, right? And so he's now starting to associate self-worth with performance and achievement. Okay. And again, it's not about a participation trophy or if it was right or wrong. It's about the fact that in his subconscious, his brain said, your self-worth is valued based on how you perform and how you achieve, right? It's based on success. So that's a program he's gonna take into life. And again, nobody told him this. This is what his subconscious is filing away from this. So Bob also plays baseball. He's very Bob is very busy. Um, and even though he wins, he doesn't get much attention or excitement for it, right? His parents both played basketball. So they really love basketball. So they're really into it when Bob is playing and they're just excited about the sport in general. So they still support his baseball passion, but the response is very different, right? This is almost like the coloring and the dancing. And as humans, we are so wired to want connection and so wired to want to please, especially our caretakers, our parents, the people who provide for us, and we want to feel more connected to them, right? He's going to see that he doesn't get that same reaction from baseball. And so even though he probably wants to play baseball more and he might even be better at baseball, he's going to focus on basketball because that's how he's more connected to his parents. So now he's programming more things in that he has loved when he does the things that other people also love. Okay. Now Bob is a ninth grader, okay, and he's in English class and he's called to read something outline. They're going through, they're doing that thing where they go through and each read a paragraph. He makes a mistake and he mispronounces words and everybody laughs at him, right? And he's super embarrassed, but he plays it off really well. He plays it cool, right? Because he's the cool guy. See how that program starts in? But he plays it cool and he kind of even makes like a joke about it himself to ease it. And then everybody kind of laughs with him and it really eases the experience. But inside he's like mortified and he's so embarrassed. So he's recorded making mistakes gets me laughed at. He's also recorded that when he makes fun of himself, it makes other people laugh, which makes them more comfortable, which makes him more comfortable, right? He plays it cool, people will like him more. So now we've got all these different programs in here, right? And now Bob's in 11th grade. He's going to start applying for colleges and he wants to go to college for film production, but his parents want him to go for business because that seems to be the more safe and secure degree to get. It seems to have more opportunity for him. Like there's probably limited film positions, but you could do anything with a business degree. And so they're really pushing him to go for that. So although Bob's our parents are trying to set him up for success and they want him to be happy and they're doing all of this from a good place, he's recording in his subconscious that he needs to play it safe in order to be successful, in order to be okay. He needs to do what the typical society program might be. So he started saying, okay, playing it safe is how I'll get success. I need to do what gives me the most opportunity, right? He's filling up his field here. And that being creative could actually limit him. So the traditional business world is safe, but his creative endeavors are not. So we've got all kinds of programs here. So now Bob has graduated. He's 23. He's working a traditional business world job because he went to school for business, like his parents asked, and he's been dabbling in creating content. So he's not like really putting a ton out there, but he's playing around with it and he's putting some things out there. And he's at the grocery store and he hears a group of girls that are talking, not about him, but about a viral TikTok. And they're making fun of the person in the video for the way that they talked. His subconscious is recording that if he makes a video, people could make fun of him too. He's seeing, like just subconsciously, like, oh, he has no idea who this video is or what this person is, but his subconscious has recorded, like, oh, making videos is dangerous. Talking is dangerous. I could be made fun of for any of those things. So his brain starts to record these programs. Again, this is happening with the subconscious. This isn't like a conscious thing where all of a sudden Bob, you know, one of these things happened and Bob's is Bob is like, oh, consciously taking this on. This is what is happening in the subconscious mind that we are not aware of, but is running the show. It's also triggering and reinforcing what happened earlier in Bob's English class when he made a mistake while he was talking, right? So now he's like not sure if he wants to make videos. He's still excited about it, but now he has this thought too that like if he goes viral or he has a lot of eyes on him, it would bring negative consequences. So we've got more programs that are just blocking Bob. Later that day, Bob's watching a reality TV show and he sees that everyone in one of these groups is ganging up on another one of the people here, right? Because they said something that upset everybody. He doesn't even really know what's going on. But his subconscious is recording that he will be ganged up on if he disagrees with the group. So now Bob doesn't want to have an opinion or a perspective in his content. He doesn't want to say anything that could trigger anybody. So he's just like constantly watering himself down. He's watering all of his messages down. So we're gonna add all of these programs in. Can you see how his field is just getting cluttered with junk that isn't even necessarily his, that his subconscious has been recording without him knowing it? But each of these things is slowly, very subtly shaping who he is and how he makes decisions and how he goes about his life, how he perceives the world, how he perceives himself and his place and his safety in the world. So now we're still on that same day. He's on TikTok, he's scrolling, he's trying to get content ideas, he's trying to work up the courage to make his own TikTok, and he sees a video that's making fun of somebody and it's talking about how this person's been canceled. So now Bob has a program. This is three programs just from one day, just from things that have absolutely nothing to do with him, clogging up his energy field. That by being him, by expressing his thoughts, his opinions, by making the wrong move or making any slight mistake, it could cause him to get canceled. Bob's starting to associate any form of visibility with danger, whether it's in a friend group, whether it's posting content, whether it's at school, whether it's what's acceptable in society for his job. Like he's just starting to see like there's a certain way you're supposed to live your life in order to stay safe, right? So now Bob's 27, he's married and he has a child. He's okay with his job, but he doesn't feel like he's passionate or excited about it. He's just trying to do what's right. He's trying to provide for everybody. He feels like he has to be the provider. He's the responsible, financially responsible person in the relationship. Um, and he wants to provide for them. So he is feeling stuck, like he has to stay stuck in this job that he doesn't like. He's thinking about starting a company, right? He mentions it to a friend. He's got this side hustle thing going with videos, right? He is creating videos, not necessarily putting himself out there, but he's creating and he mentions it to a friend. And his friend says, Oh, wow, that's really cool. But like entrepreneurship is so hard. That'll take you years to get that off the ground. It takes like five years before you could ever even make a dime. His friend, unknowingly, is just talking about what he believes to be true about entrepreneurship, and Bob's subconscious is recording these as his new beliefs. Again, he doesn't even realize it. Bob may not even believe it yet, but this is seeping into his subconscious. So Bob could still think like, oh, entrepreneurship is easy and I can still provide for my family that way. And my family still provides for me. Like it's a it's a whole thing that he could actually be thinking in his conscious, but his subconscious is recording this. So then what starts to happen is it starts to shape shift Bob's thoughts. So the more he starts to hear these programs, the more he starts to change his mind that, like, oh, entrepreneurship might be dangerous. Maybe I should stick with the nine to five, the traditional, right? These are some of the indirect and unintentional experiences that happened in Bob's life, but look at how clogged his energy field is with this. And we haven't even talked about trauma. So when Bob was seven years old, his dad left the family. So Bob instantly records a big block of trauma here, right? And you could fill that in with abandonment, rejection, instability, lack of security. Like there are so many, so many different emotions that can come from that. Um, when he gets older, his girlfriend cheats on him and then breaks up with him. In front of everybody. That's a whole other form of trauma. So there's all kinds of things that are in his energy field. Some of them he's aware of, some of them he has no idea about, but they are shaping his identity, shaping his reality, shaping his belief systems of how he's going to show up in the world. Often when I'm working with clients, we obviously go through all of the big traumas, but some of the things that keep them the most stuck is the thing a teacher said to them passing in the hallway, or it's the TV show that subconsciously recorded a program. And so we go through and we heal these different emotions, but we also need to go through and figure out where did we develop all of these belief systems, right? Where did Bob develop that he needs to be the cool guy in order to be liked? So now we have these different clusters right here. This cluster of experiences has shown Bob he needs to be the cool guy. This over here has shown Bob that he should not be who he is because it gets him made fun of. So it's dangerous to be himself. So he shapeshifts. So he begins to be a certain way in front of his friends, a certain way in front of his family, a certain way at work. He shapeshifts to be who he needs to be around different people. Below here, he's got that he could be rejected or abandoned. These are all programs that are developing. Some of them are so subtle and happen in the background that he has no idea. Some of them are big and obvious, but he still doesn't know exactly how to heal them or how they're affecting him. But it's a all of this is affecting every decision he makes about who he is. Okay. Now we have to also look at the experiences that Bob has had that have caused him shame. So you know what? Bob went out one night and he got really drunk and he was really mean to some of his friends. So he's carrying shame for that. And he's carrying all kinds of different experiences of shame where he's made a mistake, he's felt embarrassed, he's felt stupid, he's felt not good enough. He's clearing, he's carrying programs of being unworthy because he picked up this subconscious program that tells him in order to be worthy, he has to perform, he has to achieve, right? So he has to perform, he has to achieve. He picked up that program. There's many times he hasn't performed or achieved. So he started to develop this belief that he is unworthy because he's not performing or achieving, he's not doing enough. He feels stuck in all of this has happened in Bob's life. This is why it's so hard for Bob to be seen because he doesn't even truly know who he is. He has completely been molded by life. And that's what happened. There's nobody here on earth that hasn't been molded by life because our subconscious is picking up the programming 24-7. It's picking up on energies and frequencies, not just the words, not just the experiences. It is picking up on everything. And we've been told to be ourselves, for Bob to be Bob, it is dangerous. And so this is why it's hard to be seen because not only do we not really even know who we are, we have been shaped and molded into who we should be, not who we are. And then we are told so much of even who we should be or who we are trying to be to please other people is still wrong. We still have to perform and achieve. It's still dangerous to be who we are. We've got to be the cool guy or the cruel, cool girl and just let things roll off our back. We got to be really careful because if we do anything, we could be rejected or abandoned, canceled, whatever it is, right? So this is how Bob's whole identity and world has been shaped. And this is why he feels stuck. This is why he's afraid to be seen. This is also why he's having a difficult time manifesting the money that he wants. It's not coming into his field because it has all of these different blocks. He doesn't feel worthy of receiving money. He's afraid that money will show up and then go, like it comes and goes, kind of like his dad did. All of this is so connected. And when we heal the fear of being seen, which we do through figuring out who we are. So when I work with clients, we go through and we deprogram all of this junk that's in your field. And this is what we're gonna be talking about on this channel. We are gonna be going through and clearing all of the junk I just outlined. And then what we're gonna do is go through the emotions, we're gonna go through the belief systems, and we're gonna reprogram you to feel safe to be yourself so you can discover who you truly are and then become who you truly are and then share that with the world. And in that process, you get to start showing up in life a different way. And the reason Bob and I are so passionate about this is because we've seen what it's done in our lives, in my life, and in my clients' lives, right? Like I see how much it's changed my life. We get paid to exist. We get to paid to exist. We're gonna write that down. We get paid to exist. This is like the frequency of heaven on earth. I get paid to be me. I get paid to exist. That actually is possible, but we can't do that because we don't know who we are and we're not sharing it with the world. So again, being seen is so much bigger than what you're doing in the public. It is a piece of it, but it is being you in all parts of your life. And in order to be you, you have to discover who you are. And to discover who you are, we have to clear out this jump. So I hope you'll be on the journey with Bob and I because it is something we are so excited about and so passionate about. And when you do this, again, you heal visibility wounds, you clear your abundance and money wounds, you clear your self worth and self love wounds, which is clearing your love wounds and love life. Like it clears so many different programs that it truly frees you. So visibility, overcoming the fear of being seen is truly a portal to freedom for you.