Bad Critics
Chuck and Blake don’t simply disagree about which films are good. They disagree about what films are FOR. Chuck believes movies are a craft to be assessed — their quality is a function of intentionality, architecture, and whether they earn the emotional or intellectual response they're reaching for. Blake believes movies are an experience to be felt — their quality is a function of whether something real moved through him when the lights went down. Both positions are philosophically defensible. Neither host can fully respect the other’s framework without abandoning his own. That irreducible tension is every episode.
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Bad Critics
Pulp Friction
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In this episode the guys argue of the Pulp Fiction star gap and rank the entire Tarantino catalogue. After introducing a fun new segment called “recast roulette”, Blake defends Twilight.
Yo, what's going on, everybody, and welcome back to another episode of Bad Critics. I'm Blake. This is Chuck. And uh on this week's episode, we're gonna be talking about uh Quentin Tarantino. Uh yeah, bro. This was this was hard, dude, because like I do think that truthfully, just off the top of this episode, I think that he's got great films. I also think that he's a little bit pretentious. Oh, he's absolutely pretentious. Okay, he's absolutely pretentious. 100% on that one. Definitely pretentious as fuck. Uh, why don't we just get right into the star gap?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, Star Gap on this one is gonna be Pulp Fiction. Yeah, Pulp Fiction. Where do you got it, bro? I give it a 10.
SPEAKER_00A 10 out of 10? 10 out of 10. Oh fuck. What do you give it? Well, okay, so last episode I was saying that I was at a two out of ten. I have rewatched it since then. I'm at a four out of ten. So I've come up. Okay. I've come up. Um, would you like me to start? Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03You need to start with that four out of ten, buddy. Two previously two out of ten. Insane. Yes. I think we can all do that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it was pretty it was pretty insane.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00But I rewatched it. I'm at a four out of ten now.
SPEAKER_03And listen, I could this is almost to defend it on the wrong way.
SPEAKER_00Well, I maybe I could come up even more on it, honestly. Like it's it's something that I could come up on. I don't know, but here's the reason. Okay. Number one, this movie looks fucking awesome. All right, it's very grimy and and violent, but it does it all in the daylight. You know, it it the colors look great. Um, you know, the soundtrack is great. I do think that there are times in this movie where I'm thinking that Tarantino has a better ear for for um what's it called, needle drops, than like Scorsese does it sometimes. And he and Scorsese's like the goat at needle drops. Um, so so those are my first two. I do give it some for iconicity. You know, the poster is iconic, I think it looks great. Um, and I'm gonna give it that that last, you know, little bit, that fourth spot, I'm gonna give it because I do like some of the interactions in this movie, some of the performances. There's times in this movie where I'm I'm very on board, and then there's times in this movie that that I'm that I'm not where I'm like a little bit less on it. Something that I can say, and I'll go over to the bad stuff. This is why I don't give it the rest, is the performances aren't great. There's a couple parts like that that are good where I'm like, oh this is this is getting better, you know. Uma thurman I think does better than anybody. Her and Tim Roth. I think Tim Roth is the best actor um in Tarantino's like I don't think he gets enough work, truthfully. Um but another thing is is the dialogue. It seems like Tarantino wrote a lot of dialogue, right? And in and some of it's good. It just didn't seem like he could pick out of what he wrote.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_00So it was like, okay, a lot of this movie is talking, and there there's a there's a point to that, but not all of it is necessary. You could like they say the same thing multiple times in one scene where you're like, you could have cut this down and just picked the best of it, and I probably would have given it two more stars just for that.
SPEAKER_03So so you feel like each scene was you know filmed three times and they kept all three.
SPEAKER_00I think that he did exactly what he wrote on the script, yeah, is what it seems like to me. Like he wrote it and he had a couple different options, and then when he got there, he was like, I'm not gonna pick any of them. I like them all. So so this movie not make you laugh.
SPEAKER_03No. I thought it was fucking hilarious.
SPEAKER_00I don't think any of it's funny.
SPEAKER_03I think it's fucking hilarious.
SPEAKER_00You know, the the thing I think is is I think what's funny was like the scene where he brings her uh to that guy's apartment and they're talking about who's gotta give her the shot.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00That was funny. That part was funny.
SPEAKER_03Just that part.
SPEAKER_00Well, I I laughed a couple more times throughout, but I didn't think it was outrageous.
SPEAKER_03I thought it was hilarious. Uh you know, to me, this this movie is a masterpiece of dark humor, right? Yeah. Uh I was laughing out loud.
SPEAKER_00Maybe that's my flaw, is that I was taking it seriously. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And but that but that's that's what I think is great about this movie is that it's laugh out loud funny about some, you know, about Hitman committing murder, you know, rolling into some dude's apartment, him misquoting a Bible verse, which by the way, hilarious that old Pete Hed Hegseth uh also misquoted the Bible verse based off of the full fiction variation. That was a great ad in 2026, not on my bingo card. Um you know, a gimp in the basement. I mean, dude.
SPEAKER_00That was funny. Yeah. That was funny.
SPEAKER_03You're telling me you weren't laughing at the fucking gimp?
SPEAKER_00I was laughing at the gimp. I was distracted by how bad Bruce Willis's acting is. Bruce Willis's acting bad. I didn't think that his his acting was good until he shot um John Travolta in the bathroom. That was the moment where I was like, oh fuck. Like that's honestly, dude, that's when the movie got real for me. That's when I fell into it, where I was like, oh, okay, maybe I can give this a higher score.
SPEAKER_03So you were halfway through the movie when you finally started paying attention.
SPEAKER_00Not when I finally started paying attention, but when I when I got kind of more dialed in.
SPEAKER_03Well, that's the problem, right? Is like the whole the movie has to be watched as a whole. And the ending's bad. The ending's bad. It's got the redemption work.
SPEAKER_00You don't like it's got the same problem that I just told you about. The dialogue is bad.
SPEAKER_03It's the dialogue in the diner scene.
SPEAKER_00Yes, where where uh Samuel Jackson has the gun to Tim Roth, and they're talking. There's a cut, dude. Yes, that could have been cut down. That could have been cut down.
SPEAKER_03No, no. Yeah, it could. No. So, you know, I mean, here's the thing the the diner scene, all-time classic. The whole redemption arc, absolutely amazing. Uh, you know, the Samuel L. Jackson, and by the way, the casting on this, I think part of what you may be missing is, you know, like John Travolta was in the fucking trenches, yeah, I know. Trenches at this point, right? Samuel L. Jackson wasn't was unknown for the most part when he got casted for this. And so you casted some of these folks who should not have been casted, uh, and and it was phenomenal. You know, I mean it was absolutely phenomenal. Tarantino saw that before the rest of the world did, and now what do you see, right? Samuel L. Jackson is in fucking everything Tarantino, and he is amazing in all of them except for potentially Hateful Eight. And it's it's you think, wait, you think Samuel L. Jackson was bad in the Hate Flate? Hate Flate is is one of my we'll get there.
SPEAKER_00It's it's one of my least favorite too, but I don't think that he was bad.
SPEAKER_03I'm not saying Samuel L. Jackson was bad.
SPEAKER_00He's worse in Pulp Fiction than he is in Hateful Eight. Yes, he is, dude.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely not. Yeah, he is. Absolutely not, absolutely not. And you know what I think is cool. We were just talking last week about uh Nolan and what Nolan does with time, right? I think this is one of Tarantino's you know coolest from a time perspective.
SPEAKER_00That's probably why I decided to be nonlinear storytelling. Yeah, that's why I decided to give it a little bit of a bump up, too, is because of the nonlinear storytelling. I like that.
SPEAKER_03It's a it's the way it and it and it works perfectly, right? Travolta dies halfway through the movie, and then there's a whole fucking arc afterwards of Travolta Travolta's character. I mean, you know, plus here's my thing with it. The the reason I ultimately place this so highly is that what I what I hit on the front point there, the dark humor, it's laugh out loud, fucking hilarious. It also feels incredibly real. Like, I mean, these conversations that they have, the fucking royale cheese, Big Mac conversations. Okay, that stuff is fine. They feel they feel like real conversations that you and I would have. It's because listen, but that's if we were fucking hitman on the way to going to kill some motherfuckers.
SPEAKER_00This is kind of like where I have to wear the bad critic badge of the episode. Is if I were to write a movie, I would write it the same fucking way. You know, I would write, I would write how I talk. Like there's a line that I have that is a joke that I've wanted to use. Like if I were going to write a script or something, is uh like when you're so me and my brother were walking from like my my parents had like their house to a uh like a little man cave that my dad has.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And we were walking from there to there, and I had a joint rolled up into my ear, and I took it down to light it for me and my brother. And my brother goes, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you just got here. I was like, Yeah. He goes, Yeah, dude, dad's got people over. We don't know if they're down with the sickness. Shit made me laugh so fucking hard, dude. And I've always like, if I if I ever get the chance, because dude, that's a big dream, dude, to to write or or make a movie, it'd be fucking awesome. Yeah, it'd be sick. That would be a lot, what doesn't matter what fucking genre it is. All right, hear this right now. Huge ass dream I'm throwing out here, dude. Ever make a movie or ever write one, that shit's gonna be in there. Yeah, 100%.
SPEAKER_03So then over downward six.
SPEAKER_00Right. Yeah, of course. But I think that I would do better at fucking like dude, he did it all. He did it all. He didn't choose from the best. He just he just put them all in there.
SPEAKER_03I I hear what you're saying. I hear what you're saying. I think you also have to think about this is early Tarantino, right? Like he's definitely gotten better. Yeah, well, I don't know.
SPEAKER_00He's gotten better.
SPEAKER_03I don't know. I don't know if I agree with that. He's gotten better. I don't know if I agree with that.
SPEAKER_00Though I think that uh I'm pretty sure I have Hateful Eight lower than Pulp Fiction. I can't it better be.
SPEAKER_03I don't know. Jesus Christ, if Hateful Eight is above Pulp Fiction, bro. No. No, that that's gonna that's gonna lose you all credibility immediately. I have to check, dude. You you cannot tell me that you think Hateful Eight is a better fucking movie than Pulp Fiction, dude. You know what's crazy? I think I think you just missed the point of Pulp Fiction.
SPEAKER_00You know what's crazy? I forgot to put it on my list.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I think you I think you missed the point of Pulp Fiction. Also the fact that each of these in and and we go back to we've talked about this a couple times right now. Each individual scene stands on its own as as just a hilarious fucking scene. Like even, you know, the the scene with them doing the jackrabbit dance. Right? Uh Jackrabbit Slims, the dance contest. Also, by the way, uh, I don't know if you missed it. There's there's fucking incredible goose eggs. They stole that fucking trophy, bro. They didn't win the fucking dance contest. Yeah, I didn't notice that. Dude, this is the shit that Tarantino put in there. If you if you turn it up and you hear the radio, uh-huh, they're talking about somebody stole the fucking trophy from Jackrabbit Slums. So it was them. So let me ask you this.
SPEAKER_00What does that do for the movie?
SPEAKER_03It's fucking hilarious, bro. What do you mean? What does it do? It does nothing.
SPEAKER_00It's fucking hilarious. It does nothing. It's all it has to do is be hilarious.
SPEAKER_03This is the thing. It's it's a it's the masterpiece of dark humor.
SPEAKER_00That's okay, that's fair. And maybe I need to go into it with that outlook of it being a dark comedy instead of like taking it so seriously. Um it's not something I'm gonna re-watch soon, I can tell you that much. I just re-watched it. Um, but yeah, uh that's kind of the kind of something that I liked about it was was the was the dance scene. I think it showed I think it showed us more about Uma Thurman's character.
SPEAKER_03The whole Jackrabbit Slim scene was was fantastic, right? Um doing cocaine in the bathroom. Oh, dude, it was fucking hilarious.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, even that scene, uh, that took me out of it.
SPEAKER_03The way that I described that took me back to doing fucking lines in the bathroom in college.
SPEAKER_00The way that the way that I described this movie is that I rate it in between. Like I rate it a five out of ten, right?
SPEAKER_03Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00What did I? No, I had it at a four.
SPEAKER_03Four.
SPEAKER_00Shit.
SPEAKER_03It's not a four, bro. You cannot tell me it's a fucking four. Let's be real.
SPEAKER_00I don't like it, dude.
unknownShh.
SPEAKER_03I just don't. I hey look, it doesn't have to be a ten out of ten for you, but I mean, it's gotta be at least a six.
SPEAKER_00No, no, I'm gonna give it a five. I'm gonna give it a five, and here's why. Because there's moments that I really like about it, but there's also moments that I don't. So, like every time, and it happens quite often, where I'm like, okay, here's a moment that I really like. The next moment fucks it up. That's where I'm at with it. It doesn't start off strong because it starts it starts the fucking dialogue is bad, dude. It doesn't start off strong. Why the fuck does that scene have to be that long? It does not it's long, bro. No, it starts off strong as hell, it doesn't, dude.
SPEAKER_03You're telling me the Hitman scene, the fucking royale cheese. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_00No, you're not you're not hearing me right. That's fine. It takes too long to get there. They could have cut the dialogue down in the diner scene with Tim Roth. They could have cut that down a little bit. The initial dialogue? Yes. It was quick. No, it wasn't, dude. It took it felt like it took forever. No, yes, it felt like it took forever. I don't know what movie you watched. Even even the drive to go to that guy's house. No.
SPEAKER_03See, you weren't you weren't letting yourself get absorbed in the fucking banter, bro.
SPEAKER_00No, yes, I did, bro, because there was multiple times I told you where I was like, oh, this is it. I like this. Maybe this is where it's gonna catch me. I like this part, and then the next scene fucked it up.
SPEAKER_03You're telling me that after the drive, the royal cheese, Big Mac, then they go into the fucking apartment, he reads him the fucking Ezekiel Bible verse, and then they kill that motherfucker dead as hell.
SPEAKER_00Maybe it's because of the way that it's played, too. Like, I don't think that they give good performances in that scene. You don't think that Samuel L. Jackson reading the Ezekiel? No, I don't even think the car rider, dude. John Travolta takes me out of this movie. John Travolta takes me out of this movie until we get to the scene where he where he goes to that dude's house because she overdosed. The all I can fucking think about when watching John Travolta is that he looks like Tommy Y Zoe from the fucking room.
SPEAKER_03I see the resemblance. It dude, I'm telling you, bro. I don't it still doesn't take me to fucking Tommy Wils out. It's a it looks like fucking John Travolta, bro. Yes, it does. I shouldn't be interested to see if on rewatch, if I all of a sudden start seeing it.
SPEAKER_00You are bro, because he's you I'd expect like as soon as the fucking trunk popped up and I was like, oh so are we going to talk to this guy?
SPEAKER_03Shit.
SPEAKER_00I was just so like a man like that might take me out of it.
SPEAKER_03I'm not gonna lie.
SPEAKER_00As the as the monologue was going towards uh, you know, with with Samuel L Jackson, I was sitting there going, dude, that's fucking Tommy Wiseau, just like sitting back there waiting for his fucking part. Or when they dude, even when, like in in one of those moments where they were gonna give her the shot, all I was thinking about was Tommy being like, no, I'm not going to stab her.
SPEAKER_03Well, it doesn't help that you know he was fucking ripped on fucking heroin the entire time. Yeah, but like, you know, that's Tommy was like, honestly, maybe doing Tommy Wizon impression would have been the right move, dude.
SPEAKER_00That's just okay, dude. I'm okay. I'm still a 10 out of 10. I brought you I brought it to a five. I brought it to a five out of ten. And it's it's got it's got places to move, maybe, but I'm still I'm still at a five out of ten. But that being said, let's get into our ranking of Tarantino movies. Yeah. I want to go first. Go for it, bro. All right, so where are we starting at? Uh, number nine. Okay. Well, let's do eight. I'm gonna just do kill bill as well.
SPEAKER_03Did you did you did you skip ten? Uh he's got ten movies. No, he doesn't. Deathproof.
SPEAKER_00Oh, no, I have deathproof on here. So I do have ten, but it's gonna be nine because I'm gonna count kill bill as one thing.
SPEAKER_03Oh, okay. No, kill bill are two things. You do? Killbill are 100% two different movies.
SPEAKER_00Okay. Alright, well then we'll just do the total ten then.
SPEAKER_03I haven't I haven't seen Deathproof, by the way.
SPEAKER_00So you haven't? I haven't. It's good.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, is it?
SPEAKER_00I think so. Okay. I'll like it. Yeah. Uh so my my number 10 is Jackie Brown. Never seen it.
SPEAKER_03Okay. So I haven't seen Deathproof. So Deathproof is awesome. My number 10.
SPEAKER_00All right. Number nine's hateful eight.
SPEAKER_03Same. Same. You know, it's what's crazy about about it to me is that.
SPEAKER_00Oh, that's number nine.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, number nine's hateful eight.
SPEAKER_00Number nine's hateful eight, sorry.
SPEAKER_03You know, hateful eight won an Oscar.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, for just shouldn't have. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Crazy. Because it's it's I don't even want to talk about that movie, bro. Like, let's move on.
SPEAKER_00Like, there's a really like the only thing that that movie did that was genuinely getting me to feel something was how gross I felt at the scene of Samuel Jackson, that dude's son in the snow. That's just not my thing, bro.
SPEAKER_03And the the yeah, we'll move on.
SPEAKER_00All right. Number eight, I have Kill Bill One.
SPEAKER_03Kill Bill One or Kill Bill One. Okay, yeah. Kill Bill One is also at my number eight. I I think it's fun. It's it's the less it it the it's different from other Tarantino movies, right? It's it's more like action. Well, but I would say I would still say almost almost anime level action. Right. Uh, but it's to me there's not there's not much story.
SPEAKER_00It's his it's his ninja movie, but it's still in pulp fiction font in a way.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's just not there's there's not a lot of act, there's not a lot of enjoyable st fun story there for that.
SPEAKER_00I think I think we're gonna get more into because next I have at the number seven spot, uh I've got Kill Bill too.
SPEAKER_03See Jackie Brown. Number seven for me. I do actually I think that Jackie Brown is probably underrated even by me, to be honest. Uh I rewatched it recently. I did like it as a movie, but you know, it's just how good Tarantino is, it's hard to put it up there in the top five. I'm surprised to hear that we both have Kill Bill Volume 2 over Kill Bill Volume 1. I've got volume two at number six. I think it's better. I agree. I agree. You have character work, you have more dialogue, you know, it's talkier, it's it's got bill in it, right? Um less action.
SPEAKER_00You know, and and I've said this before, is usually I like the looming dark character, but in this in this case, I think I was already so uninterested. Uh dude, I'm pretty low on Kill Bill 1 as it is, like it it being on this list is specifically so that the list could be made anyway. Um but Kill Bill 2, I rewatched it a couple years ago because my buddy was re-watching it. I thought it was fine. I was like, dude, that's pretty good. It's a good movie. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Is it is it also your number six?
SPEAKER_00It's uh seven.
SPEAKER_03Oh, it's your seven.
SPEAKER_00What is your seven?
SPEAKER_03Jackie Brown.
SPEAKER_00Oh, okay. If we can blow past those, then what's your number six?
SPEAKER_03Volume two.
SPEAKER_00Oh, okay. My number six is Pulp Fiction.
SPEAKER_03What okay, wait. Let's let's take a second for this. You're telling me, okay, so now I don't think this together. Pulp fiction was a five. You're saying that Kill Bill One, Hateful Eight, and was it Jackie Brown? Are all lower than five. Absolutely nuts.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, they're all horrible.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, no, that's that's a garbage dick.
SPEAKER_00What's your number five?
SPEAKER_03Number five is Rez Dogs.
SPEAKER_00Alright. Mine's deathproof. And let me I said I've seen this movie before. I lied. I've seen bits and pieces of it. I still think it's better than Pulp Fiction.
SPEAKER_03Insane. You know, Rez Dogs though. Uh I think Rez Dogs actually gets a lot of you know, you gotta think the thing you gotta think about Reservoir Dogs is it's the debut movie. It was made on like fucking no budget, right? I mean, like you're you know, you're talking about made in one place, one film set. It wasn't even a film set, it was like a fucking warehouse, right? Um and I actually think the character acting in it was fantastic. I mean, Mr. Pink, you know, fan fucking fantastic.
SPEAKER_00Um besides my top three, uh uh besides my top three, the my top three is the only movies that they should have given him a budget for.
SPEAKER_03That's insane. Tarantino is one of the best to ever fucking do it. Because of these, the because of the top three? No, because of all the movies. No. What's your four? Four is once upon a time in Hollywood.
SPEAKER_00Shut the fuck up. No. Four? Yeah. Wait, where the fuck does that leave? You hey, dude. Wait a second. You haven't said pulp fiction. I haven't said pulp fiction. Because you're a fucking moron, dude. Fucking moron, dude. The fact that you have fuck oh my god, dude. You're fucking tripping.
SPEAKER_03Dude, what the fuck are these people? Oh, they wait a second. I'm telling you, the community is gonna agree me a hundredfold.
SPEAKER_00I bet they I dude, I bet they will, bro. A bunch of fucking people that are like I'm telling you, bro. Again, I I said that pulp fiction has the opportunity to move up, but it's not better than the three.
SPEAKER_03Dude, better than what three? Once upon a time, Django, and numerous best. What was your four? Bro, what was your four once upon a time? What's number four is Reservoir Dogs? See, I had it at five, which is reasonable. All by the way, it's gonna fuck you. Here's here's the big difference between me and Blake here. All of these movies. Every fucking Tarantino movie is great. If you if you aren't watching the the actual uh live here, this fool was shaking his head.
SPEAKER_00He's got four great, he's got four great movies.
SPEAKER_03Bro, he is all of his fucking movies.
SPEAKER_00Listen, I don't think listen, five a five out of ten isn't a bad movie. Five out of ten is a good movie. I don't know about that. Yeah. No, five out of ten is a good movie.
SPEAKER_03When you get to the movie if I give a movie a five out of ten, it was mean it means it was barely worth the watch. Like Hulk last week when I gave it a fucking four. Yeah, that's it wasn't worth the watch.
SPEAKER_00Hulk 2003, given all the information, has been Pulp Fiction. It's better than Pulp Fiction. Fuck no. It is. Fuck no. Let's get in the top three. That's where things are gonna get really fucking interesting. We fucking got Once Upon a Time in Hollywood already out of the way. Fucking stupid.
SPEAKER_03Hey, once upon a no, no, here's the difference. Here's the difference. Once upon a time in Hollywood is a great fucking movie because all fucking Tarantino movies are great.
SPEAKER_00Dude, okay, that's what I'm saying, but Once Upon a Time in Hollywood is better than Pulp Fiction. No, it's not. Yes, dude, you're about to have to pour me a fucking drink. I've already been drinking. It is, yeah, that's why your fucking disgusting ass takes. Alright, let's get into the fucking top three. Django. Django. Your three is Django? Dude, you think fucking Django is worse than Pulp Fiction? Absolutely. You're fucking retarded.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god. Dude, you're fucking you're a bad critic, dude.
SPEAKER_03You're fucking horrible. Hey, community, tell me, tell me who's pregnant.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god. Oh no, it's not. This is where you fucking lost everybody, dog. Right here is where you lost.
SPEAKER_03Oh my god. Fiction is one of the greatest movies ever made.
SPEAKER_00Dude, it is not better than Django Unchained. It is. No, it's not.
SPEAKER_03Here's the difference. Django is a is like a nine and a half out of ten.
SPEAKER_00Dude, you're fucking crazy, dog.
SPEAKER_03Nine and a half out of ten. Pulp fiction is a ten out of ten. Look me in the face.
SPEAKER_00Look me in the face right now and tell me that Pulp Fiction is better than Django Unchained. Pulp Fiction better. No, it is not, dude.
SPEAKER_03100%. Bro. Django is a nine and a half. This is hard. I'll be honest. You're a registered trip offender. Your trip is splitting hairs because that's how fucking good Tarantino is.
SPEAKER_00No, it's not. It's not. Dude, I'm telling you, Pulp Fiction's not better than Django. This guy's fucking crazy.
unknownLook me in the face.
SPEAKER_00Uh dude, yeah, I had to fucking record you on that one because holy shit, that's bad. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I mean, Django's a great movie. Nine and a half out of ten.
SPEAKER_00Nah, dude.
unknownOh my god, dude.
SPEAKER_03Nine and a half out of ten.
SPEAKER_00Nah. Okay. Alright. So your your three is is Django? Yep. Okay, my three is Inglorious Bastards. Yeah, which is better than three for sure. It's not better than three. It's a top 10 movie all time. And listen, I liked it. The first time I watched Inglorious Bastards, I did not like it. I didn't really get it. Truthfully. I liked it so much better on rewatch. So much better. Brad Pitt is amazing. Um, what's the villain's name? Hans? Yeah. Yeah. Fucking incredible, dude. Fucking incredible. Hans Lauta. But it is really long.
SPEAKER_03It is it is long. It is long.
SPEAKER_00This is where like Inglorious Bastards is where I also feel like he kind of went back to some of that dialogue that I was talking about being a little bit long, but I could also listen to Hans Londa talk.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I mean Christoph Waltz is just you know that that's that's what makes Django and Inglorious Bastards so good is Christoph Waltz, honestly.
SPEAKER_00Before we get to two, I think that there's another actor that I feel that way about who is just like he'll come out in stuff and then he's just like crazy surprising in everything that he does, is uh Brian Cranston. I don't think I've disliked a single thing that Brian Cranston has done.
SPEAKER_02Wait, who's Brian Cranston in these? Huh? Who's Brian Cranston in these?
SPEAKER_00He's nobody in any of these. I was just comparing the actors. I was just comparing the actors.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I was like, wait a second. Um, but no, Christoph Waltz. Fantastic in both Django and in Glorious Pastors.
SPEAKER_00What's your number two? Pulp Fiction.
SPEAKER_03We don't need to talk about it anymore. It's a masterpiece.
SPEAKER_00I have Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. It's clearly better. It's clearly better than anything that you've said so far. Disagree. No. Dude, we watched it together. It's fantastic.
SPEAKER_03And it was a great watch.
SPEAKER_00It's a great movie.
SPEAKER_03No, just the this is the difference between me and you. You you have like this weird Tarantino, like Pulp Fiction is bad kind of thing going on, right? Like Once Upon a Time, Django, Pulp Fiction, Inglorious Bastards are all right here here's the reality, okay? Any given day, any of these could be a top watch, right? Any of these top four. Once upon a time, Django, Pulp Fiction, and Glorious Bastards could be a top watch.
SPEAKER_00I put Inglorious Bastards at three out of courtesy. I think that the only movies that are actually a fucking amazing that he has are the top two. So Inglorious Bastards Wait, what? Yeah. I think Inglorious Bastards is a great movie. It's not spectacular.
SPEAKER_03You think the only two that are are Django and Once Upon a Time?
SPEAKER_00There's there's the only two movies where I'm glued to the screen the entire time.
SPEAKER_03How do you you need to watch Inglorious rewatch Inglorious Bastards? I've tried. It's a fucking fantastic movie. You you are sleeping on Inglorious Bastards. I I promise you that. The suspense, the dialogue. This is Christoph Waltz at his absolute. You talk about liking Christoph Waltz. I said that he's great in it. Bro, in this, that first 20 minutes, the farmhouse scene.
SPEAKER_00Shouldn't take 20 minutes, by the way. Is kind of my entire point.
SPEAKER_03Incorrect. No, it's not, dude. Incorrect. It's long. One of the best scenes. So it's your it's your number one. All of fucking movie history. It's your number one. It's my number one all time of all fucking movies. The fact that Honestly, honestly, I'm gonna be real. I could have made a fucking top ten list where Tarantino was four out of the top ten. I could have done it. I didn't because it felt, you know, a little sacrilegious to have it is, dude. But it could have, it could have happened. Once upon time Hollywood is fucking amazing. Where does it go's fucking amazing? Where does Tarantino's fucking amazing? Okay, let me tell you. And Gloria's bastard's fucking amazing. I mean, they're they're all there's no other words for any of those other than fucking amazing.
SPEAKER_00You know what, too? I'm a little bit biased. My top two have my favorite actor of all time in them. Rad Pitt. Leonard DiCaprio. Rad Pitt. No. No. Uh I I think Once Upon a Time in Hollywood is great. I think that, you know, I think that it's a bit smaller scale until you get closer to the end. Um, but my number one's Django, dude. I don't think that they're truthfully, truthfully, it's my favorite.
SPEAKER_03That's a hot take. Django? No, nobody has Django as Tarantino's best movie, bro.
SPEAKER_00Fuck y'all. Like, no, dude, Django is the best one.
SPEAKER_03No.
SPEAKER_00It's the best one.
SPEAKER_03Here's Django's overly fucking gory. You know, here's the thing.
SPEAKER_00It doesn't, that's the point.
SPEAKER_03I Tarantino, gore, it's a thing, right? I get it. Django's just so fucking gory, bro.
SPEAKER_00Who, dude, that doesn't bother me at all. Yeah. Well, I'm just saying. It bothers me more in Pulp Fiction. Pulp fiction's not fucking gory at all. What are you talking about? Yeah, dude, there's blood all the time in fucking pulp fiction.
SPEAKER_03Bro, what? Django's just constant fucking blood pouring out of people being shot. I think that you need to re-watch Django.
SPEAKER_00I watched Django two weeks ago. And it's fucking good, dude. It's great. All of the performance is a top three team. Even Jamie Foxx, who does not always have great performances. He's maybe had two or three.
SPEAKER_03It's Jamie Foxx's best performance.
SPEAKER_00It's also one of Leonardo DiCaprio's best performances.
SPEAKER_03Leo as Calvin Candy. And it's an all-time performance. No matter what, dude. But Leo is always a fucking all-time performance. I mean, here's the thing. Leo being your favorite actor, right? Like, I mean, beyond. Is Calvin Candy his best role? No. Exactly. But it's got, but it's going to be really high. Yeah, but it's lower than him as as as fucking. You know, I could Howard Howard hand howard Hughes. Howard Hughes.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's going to be lower than that for sure.
SPEAKER_03It's lower than him. Let's be real, it's lower than him as Jordan Belfort.
SPEAKER_00No. No. This, but this is a care this is a bigger character than Jordan Belfort is. Cause because he's a white slave owner?
SPEAKER_03Plantation?
SPEAKER_00No, it's not just about being a white slave owner and him being incredibly like disgustingly racist. That's not the only thing. It's also part of it, though. Yeah, it's part of it, but it's besides that, how like that already makes somebody despicable. He's fucking disgusting. And he plays it so well.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, the fucking uh skull scene.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, dude.
SPEAKER_03That's an all-time fucking scene.
SPEAKER_00All of his dialogue. Yeah. All of his dialogue is good.
SPEAKER_03There every moment, like the the thing is like you feel like if you were to like try, like if you were a per an impersonator and you were to be like, yo, like play Calvin Candy, you'd be like really deeply uncomfortable playing Calvin Candy. Of course. Because like you're an absolute fucking scumbag.
SPEAKER_00Well, and and yeah, exactly. You're absolute scumbag, and he's the reason you're watching the movie. Like, he's the best part of the movie. Calvin Candy's the best part of the movie. Yeah, he's yeah, he's he's the best character in the movie. He's despicable, yeah, but he's great.
SPEAKER_03See, but I would say Brad Pitt in Inglorious Bastards as Aldo Rain. I like more than Calvin Candy as Calvin Candy.
SPEAKER_00But that's the thing, is he's he's not Aldo Rain isn't doing something as despicable. You agree I like him. I know you agree with what he's doing, dude. Kill the fucking Nazis. That's the thing. Is I think that that's the whole point, is that like here's the thing. I could say the same thing for for Brad Pitt in that movie. I truly think that Leonardo DiCaprio's performance as Calvin Candy can help actors be better actors. Even if you just practice what he does in the mirror. Like, it's so good. And that's why I have it at my top ten. And it's also Tarantino's most it's his best told story.
SPEAKER_03I see it. And here's the thing, right? Django, 4.5, Pulp Fiction, 5 out of 5, and Gorgeous Bastards, 5 out of 5 as well. So you know, I mean, all of these are are 9, 10, 10, you know, these are all movies. Even what even once upon a time in Hollywood, I've known Once Upon a Time in Hollywood is a nine out of ten.
SPEAKER_00Django is the only movie I give a ten out of ten to.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. I I I think I have Tarantino overall higher than you, right? You know, I think I I'm glad to hear at least that we both put Kill Bill 2 over Kill Bill 1. They're better movies. Uh I think Tarantino is appropriately rated rated as one of the greatest to ever do it. And um I think that the people will agree with my ranking over yours. But let's hear it, community. What do we think? Blake or me? Tarantino. Who's got it right? You want to play recast roulette? Let's go for it.
SPEAKER_00Alright, so recast roulette. Uh, this is how you play. You pick an actor and recast them in any movie. So, example, if we were playing with Tarantino, uh my example is you can't even do it with a straight face.
SPEAKER_01Oh shit.
SPEAKER_03I'll be honest, this is one I knew ahead of time. I re I recommended that he maybe he sway away from this, but he didn't. So, you know, here we go.
SPEAKER_00My uh my recast example was like uh Samuel L. Jackson as Marty McFly and Back to the Future, you know him going back to the 50s is a little bit more spicy for that movie. Um sexually charged mom is probably also pretty spicy. Uh, but the but the caveat to that is that if you recast Samuel Jackson as Marty McFly, you have to take uh Michael J. Fox and recast him in one of Samuel L. Jackson's roles, which I told you, and this is pretty good, is if Snakes on a Plane was made in the 80s and uh Michael J. Fox is in it, it'd probably be pretty good.
SPEAKER_03Probably pretty good. Yeah. Hey, you know, Michael J. Fox is jewels in Pulp Fiction. What do we think about he's in Pulp Fiction? No, Michael J. Fox as Samuel L. Jackson. Oh, I was like, I was like, where is he in my I was where is he? Would he would it land the same way? No, probably not. No, definitely not. Pretty interesting though. But this is a double recast, by the way. It's what Blake was just talking about. So we got to recast both of them.
SPEAKER_00Um so you you go first. You pick that was just the example. You pick somebody. Do you want to take stuff?
SPEAKER_03No, no, that was not an example community. That was uh an actual fucking thing he said was that he wanted to send Samuel L. Jackson as a fucking black man. Back to the night.
SPEAKER_00Back to the that's not what I it's the example. It's a fucking joke. Yeah, it's a lot spicier. It is pretty spicy. I would you watch it?
SPEAKER_03Be fucking hilarious. I think I got a pretty good one for you.
SPEAKER_00All right, let's go. Wait, are you sticking to Tarantino?
SPEAKER_03No, this is gonna this is gonna get off Tarantino. All right, let's go. Yeah, we'll we'll move off of Tarantino. Um Danny DeVito as Aragorn. Can you imagine? Imagine fucking four foot ten. Danny DeVito, bro. Fuck. You know, I mean it. A day may come when the courage of men fails. Um, yeah, Danny DeVito as Eric Horn. And as a as a result, we gotta put Vigo as Frank Reynolds and Always Sunny. Imagine that fool crawling out the couch.
SPEAKER_00Honestly, what would be kind of good is I wonder if Vigo could have done the penguin and Batman Batman Returns.
SPEAKER_03That honestly might not have been bad. Probably not, dude. I was going more for like ridiculous, and I did, I don't know, we scaled away from the you know movies and the TV shows, but yeah. Always sunny. Classic.
SPEAKER_00I tried watching it. I started at the f I started at the first season and I didn't like it.
SPEAKER_03Well, you missed out on a fantastic fucking there are like fucking 20 seasons at this point, bro. I don't know what they're actually at, something like 20, but amazing. And it's always timely. You know, it's almost like The Simpsons and the fact that it just keeps going. Just keeps going, it's always timely. Yeah, so so Vigos, Frank Reynolds, and always Sunny crawling out crawling off the couch, being a naked Philly troll. Just fucking running around Philadelphia naked.
SPEAKER_00See some of his fucking lines, dude, and that fucking and and uh in Return of the King, like him holding the That's what I was going for, dude.
SPEAKER_03Fucking Danny DeVito's Aragorn, dude. That'd be hilarious. Imagine.
SPEAKER_00Oh, I got one. Um replace Chris Rock with Morgan Freeman and seven. Replace Morgan Freeman with Chris Rock.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_00Like he just wouldn't give a fuck about what they were doing. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03That'd be an interesting one. That'd be an interesting one. Oh, the other one I came with is uh Adam Sandler as Michael Corleone. Godfather. Nice. Can you imagine the baptism montage? It's not personal, Sonny. Fucking Adam Sandler. And then uh Al Pacino. So as a result, as a result. We also have Al Pacino playing Happy Gilmore, bro. There you go. Dude, incredible. Happy Gilmore's home!
SPEAKER_00He could do it. He could do it. Have you ever seen Fury? Yeah. Alright, I'm gonna trade Brad Pitt with Michael Sarah.
SPEAKER_03Honestly, dude, I think uh the serious team captain is fucking this shitty ass fucking beta male, Michael Sarah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Bro, honestly, honestly, I think that it'd be funny to put Michael Sarah in a bunch of shit. Like, could you imagine Michael Sarah, but as like any Brad Pitt role, like Michael Sarah as Tyler Durden?
SPEAKER_03He wouldn't he wouldn't be cool at all. You know, the problem with that would be is that Michael Sarah's not cool, right? And also, you know, in Fight Club, Ed Norton's not cool either. Yeah, it wouldn't work. Bad take, bad take community.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but you know what's crazy is like Michael Sarah could kind of play uh Cornelius. He doesn't have the range for it, but but he makes sense.
SPEAKER_03You know, we talked about Tommy Wazell, so this is actually funny. We just talked about Tommy Wazell. I I just thought of this one, guys. Tommy Wazell as Patrick Bateman.
unknownShut the fuck up.
SPEAKER_00You you can put Christian Bale in the room, Christian Bale in the fucking room, bro. You're tearing me apart, Lisa. Dude, the way that he delivers that line, you're tearing me apart, Lisa.
SPEAKER_03Dude, Christian Bale would kill it though. Give me a minute, bitch.
SPEAKER_00Dude, have you ever watched the room? Yes, dude, bro.
SPEAKER_01Terrible. So bad. It's fucking hilarious, bro. It's Dinny, Dinny, Dinny Boy. Bro, it's terrible. Oh hi, pal. Look at my business card.
SPEAKER_04Fuck he would do the he would do the bar scene good though.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Well, I want to chop off your head and play around with your blood. Ha ha ha. I think there's plenty of people that I could see Tommy Wazow being. That's really yeah, that's a that's a good one. I could see him being like a Harry Potter character, like Snape. Could you imagine him being Snape? I could. You have your mother's eyes, bitch.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I could see Tommy Wazow as Snape.
SPEAKER_00Have you seen his movie? The Disaster No The Disaster Artist, where uh James Franco plays him with his Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_03No, I haven't seen it. It's good. Really?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it actually is good.
SPEAKER_03Also talk about somebody who's fallen far.
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah, dude. Definitely. That's tough. He was so good. It sucks because he is really good. Right? Like he's a good actor. He had a whole you know thing.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. That was bad thing. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Legitimate, legitimately bad.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, legitimately bad thing. But we're not gonna glaze fucking James Franco, but I will say that that movie was good. All your friend little kid.
SPEAKER_03You know who I think uh you talk about recast though. These have all been kind of funny. You know who I think would have been, and I'm not gonna say better, but who would have been really good would be Joaquin Phoenix is the Joker, I think would have also been a really great cast there. If there's anybody that could have been possibly on the same level as Heath Ledger, Joaquin Phoenix.
SPEAKER_00I don't see it. You don't see it. There's a lot of fan casts that I don't like. That's something we could talk about that I like the fan cast.
SPEAKER_03Think about the Joaquin Phoenix Joker in the Dark Knight trilogy. Don't like it. Doesn't work?
SPEAKER_00The Dark Knight trilogy already has a Joker. I don't think that the other Joker? I really think that it's hard to recast, like it would be really hard to recast that role specifically.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. I see it. I see it. You know, the we were talking about period pieces last week. I think Russell Crowe as William Wallace and Braveheart. I'm into it. And of course, as a result, you know, Mel Gibson would have to be Maximus and Gladiator.
SPEAKER_00That's not too big of a jump, though.
SPEAKER_03They're both good at what they do.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it makes sense. Yeah. Yeah, it makes it makes perfect sense. You know who I'm tired of fucking seeing, dude? Uh, this is a little bit of a sidebar, but nobody ever Corey Feldman.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_00Corey Feldman. Have you seen all the Corey Feldman shit?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, he's a fucking loser.
SPEAKER_00Where he says that he's been cast in almost like every crazy ass role. Corey Feldman's a fucking loser. He said, uh, yeah, and I'm tired of seeing him. He said that he was cast in um What's Eating Go But Grape, and then Johnny Depp didn't like him. You're like, bruh, you were not cast in this fucking movie.
SPEAKER_03He wasn't casting any of that shit. He's he's just a fucking loser who's looking for any kind of opportunity to you know be in the spotlight.
SPEAKER_00It's pretty, pretty rough. To watch Corey Feldman.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. So this is uh outside of movies. Did you watch Carrie Corey Feldman and uh uh Dancing with the Stars by chance? Mm-mm.
SPEAKER_00No. That sounds like a fucking that's like a part of my nightmare blunt rotation watch list. Yeah, add it to the list for sure. I'm not doing it.
SPEAKER_03No, you should. You really should. At least one episode.
SPEAKER_00Just watch Corey Feldman being I mean, Corey Feldman was good as a child star. I mean, he was in the Goonies, and I mean he was awful in the Lost Boys, but and now he's got like platinum blonde hair that's spiked to the fucking moon. Yeah, and he does those uh he's you know, when I I went to Disney when I was younger, and uh my dad said something about the guys that were doing the fake Beatles, and he told my mom, he was like, You're never gonna see the Beatles ever again. And I was like, even being so young, I was like, that's not the Beatles. And I feel like that's how Corey Feldman thinks about his like half-assed Michael Jackson performances that he does. That's another thing that he says. He says that he brought a song that he wrote into Michael Jackson, and Michael Jackson was like, This could be a number one song. If you let me take it to Tommy Matola right now, I'll do it. And Corey Feldman was like, No, I'm not gonna dude, I don't want to do that. And I was like, You're true story. Is that you know what? Biopic. Corey. I want to see a biopic, the the Corey Feldman biopic where all of these things take place. Produced and directed by Corey Feldman, of course. I'd direct it, dude. I would direct that shit.
SPEAKER_03He might have you do it a hundred percent. As long as you just like actually listen to everything that he said and made it into reality.
SPEAKER_00Going back to Joaquin Phoenix, though, like I do think Joaquin Phoenix is a great actor. I do, but I think that the Joker thing heightened him to a level to where some people are being unrealistic about some of his performances. Like which ones? Like trying to think.
SPEAKER_03What's Joaquin Phoenix been on?
SPEAKER_00There was something that you had just said not too long ago, and I was like, I don't know.
SPEAKER_03He was the Joker. He could have been he could have been the the Heath Ledger Joker.
SPEAKER_00But I've got crazy, I've got a pretty crazy opinion about Joker. I I don't I could live without it. I don't think that like if if I had a choice between it being here and not being here, I would say not. Like it didn't have to be made.
SPEAKER_03You know, I'm not gonna lie, looking at Joaquin Phoenix's filmography, he's not as good as I thought he was. I mean, we've got her, Napoleon, Joker, the Master. Okay, Gladiator is his best performance.
SPEAKER_00Walk the Line was really good. Walk the Line was good. Brings us back to biopics, music biopics where somebody that actually liked the artist made the movie. Walk the Line was good. I think Walk the Line might be my favorite music biopic.
SPEAKER_03You know what's terrible? Bo is Afraid.
SPEAKER_00Did you see that one? No, I didn't. I'm not an Ariaster fan like you are.
SPEAKER_03I hey, I'm not that much of an Ariaster fan, actually. You think Midsummer is great? Midsummer is his best movie.
SPEAKER_00We're gonna get to it, but wow.
SPEAKER_03It's his best movie. I'm not saying it's a great movie, but it is his best movie. But Bo is Afraid was fucking trash. Just for the record.
SPEAKER_00Well, you want to move on to Defend It?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, because this one's you talk about trash. Okay, before we get to Defend It, or this is possibly for the community. I'm just gonna put this out there before he even says it. This is possibly Blake's worst fucking take. I mean, this is absolute trash. You just watched it. And it was terrible.
SPEAKER_00You just watched it. I haven't rewatched it.
SPEAKER_03Let's let's hear.
SPEAKER_00Let's hear it. This is I I'm defending this completely off of memory. Yeah. Um, and I'm gonna listen, I don't think I'm gonna defend it as a good movie. I'm defending it as I'm gonna defend it as something. I don't even have a score for it, to be honest with you, but I I'd assume that it falls within the I'd give it a five out of ten, maybe six. Go ahead. I think I'm gonna do five. Five out of ten, which again, you you gotta say, like it's it's five out of ten, is a it's not a bad score. It's not a horrible movie. All right, my defend it for this week is the first Twilight movie. Where do you rate it? That's a one out of ten, bro. Shut the it's fucking terrible. It ain't that bad.
SPEAKER_03It's fucking terrible.
SPEAKER_00It ain't that bad. No, it's it's not that bad. So here, my first my first topic on my defendant uh for for defending this movie is the soundtrack. The soundtrack and the look of this movie. Like the blue tint, the very gloomy, you know, like I like that. It's so gloomy and rainy, and the soundtrack really goes with that. I think it encapsulates the mood really, really well for this movie. My second thing is going to be. My my second thing's gonna be that the characters aren't bad. They're not bad. This is a it's technically a very it's a teenage version of a monster movie. I mean, the vampires are still monsters.
SPEAKER_01No.
SPEAKER_00The characters are good though. No. Yeah. They're good.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Uh horrible. Horrible fucking movie. Two hours of my life I will never get back. Uh, and in fact, I had to watch after Twilight because of thanks to Blake, I had to watch New Moon as well. Why did you have to watch New Moon? Uh, because my wife said I had to. Uh, she said that, you know, hey, the first movie, I'll admit, wasn't good. This is my wife who was a apparently a big Twilight fan. She was like at the midnight premieres. Really? And she said that Twilight 1 was terrible and that the sequels were better on watch. I've only watched one of I guess there's like four fucking sequels to this movie, which is unbelievable. Uh, but they're all fucking horrible. I'm just gonna go ahead and call it right now.
SPEAKER_00Were you lower on New Moon than you were on Twilight?
SPEAKER_03They're all fucking terrible. I mean, New Moon was a one. I don't think you can get lower than a one, so I you know, they weren't lower per se, but they were just as low.
SPEAKER_00Listen, I've I haven't re-watched this movie recently. The last time I re-watched it was probably four years ago. The reason I chose it for a defendant was for the style, was for this like Pacific Northwest right with and with the with the soundtrack, foggy, foggy, foresty. Right. And I yeah, I definitely think that there's cooler vampires that you, you know, you could have made cooler vampires, but they're also making a book, you know, that was written by you know, she she made herself the main character, is basically what happened.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so there is a foggy forest in the movie. Yeah, is that is that a set piece? I mean, is that worth a five out of ten?
SPEAKER_00I I think that no, it's not worth the five out of ten. I think that that's worth like the style overall. A foggy forest.
SPEAKER_03The texture of the movie's good. A foggy forest is worth a five out of ten. So it just in the hey, I'm gonna I'm gonna take us back one episode. Uh-huh. Uh we rated, or not we, Blake rated uh Pulp Fiction, a masterpiece, you know, something that took movie making forward a five out of ten. And he also rated Twilight a absolute garbage tier young adult fanfiction a five out of ten. That's a bad critic. But you know, the thing with Twilight Man is uh I was I was maybe you know starting to feel a little bit of something, okay, vampire film, young adult, never, never actually. But you know, maybe for a second there, right, with the foggy forest. Uh and then Robert Pattinson.
SPEAKER_00W who wasn't bad in the movie.
SPEAKER_03He hated that movie.
SPEAKER_00I know that he hated have you watched Robert Pattinson interviews and I have, but he still hates it. I know that he hates it, and I would have liked to see what he was doing before he almost got fired for it, because I bet it's a lot better, but I don't necessarily think it was bad. I remember seeing this movie when it came out, I saw it at the theater, and I did like it. I liked it more than I like it now.
SPEAKER_03Let me just invoke a couple scenes here. So Robert Pattinson as a fucking vampire. Uh-huh. We don't know he's a vampire just yet. We're like getting there. You know, he puts Kirsten Stewart, who's what Bella is his name, right, on his back and fucking sprints her on his back up a fucking mountain in the Pacific Northwest so that he a foggy mountain. This is the set piece that Blake is talking about. And there is there's this one little patch of sunlight that's coming through the foggy forest. And he steps into the into the patch of sunlight to show her that he can't be in the light because he's a vampire, because he sparkles.
SPEAKER_00This is the skin of a killer bella fucking shining brighter than sparkles. It looks like fucking K jewelers, bro.
SPEAKER_03And then and then you know what the you know what the next scene after that is. So now that he's shown that he's a vampire and he sparkles in the light, now him and his vampire friends decide that the right thing to do is to play a game of pickup baseball. The baseball scene is atrocious. Yeah, it's horrible. Now, because they're vampires, they can hit the ball really far. But when they hit the ball really far, they also have super speed. Yeah. So they can go run through the foggy forest to catch the fucking baseball. Yeah. Oh, but wait, wait, do you wait? But wait, but wait, there's more. Because while they're playing, vampire pickup baseball with Kirsten Stewart as the umpire. The bad vamps show up. Wait, you don't like all the hissing that they do anytime? And the bad vamps show up, and there's three of them. And and by the way, I just want to point out go go and re-watch this fucking movie because it's hilarious. The the bad vamps show up through the fog like no less than four times. Like it's the exact same scene, yeah, multiple times. Like they just like they show up through the fog, and then like you see a little more of them as they're walking, and then they show up through the fog again. Wait a second, and then a third time.
SPEAKER_00So, what do you think about this the foggy forest? What do you think about the like overabundance of sexual tension between every single character in this movie? Like, at any time, any of the characters, like even Edward and the dad at some point, you're like, dude, they're about to fuck.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, there's definitely a little bit of gay tension for sure. Um, not just gay tension, straight tension, uh, all kinds of sexual. There's orgy tension all the time. You really do feel like at any moment we're gonna break out into an orgy. But none of that ever happens. There's not any there, I don't there's not any sex scenes at all in the movie. There's not even anything close to sex. It's just like the like thought that sex might occur at any moment. Yeah, fucking terrible fucking movie.
SPEAKER_00But what so what'd you think about like that story where like they're hunting her? Like she has like this pure crazy blood. It's probably just her fucking perfume, bro. It's probably some Victoria's secret shit.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and then Edward like turns her into a vampire to save her or some shit. I don't know. I'd I fucking lost track. It's I'm dude.
SPEAKER_00Alright, Chuck, one out of ten. One out of ten. Can I be honest with you about something? So I my I dude, I had this original idea. I thought it was fucking hilarious because I I did want to I actually defended Hulk. That's a movie that I really, really like. And I was telling Maddie, I was like, yo, I'm gonna do like Hulk, and I'm gonna do like the green hornet, and I'm gonna do the mask, and I just was gonna see how many green characters I could get through in each episode to see how long it would take you to realize that everything that I was defending was green, and uh I quickly turned away from it because I had other ones that I actually want to defend. Now, I will defend Twilight on its I do think the mood and the soundtrack and the setting of this movie I really like. I think that the beginning of this movie isn't bad, and I mean like the first 20 minutes. The mystery about what a vampire is and stuff like that, and if that is the case, once you truly find out that he is a vampire, it's dog shit. It is not a five out of ten, it is a bro, it's one and a half two at best. I wanted to make you watch this fucking movie so fucking back.
SPEAKER_03Wasted my fucking time. I mean, wow. Two two hours of my life that will never come back.
SPEAKER_00Bro, yeah, no, there's no way I have seen this movie, I've I've seen it enough recently, I've rewatched it enough recently. It's always on a streaming service, you know. So every now and then I'll go back and revisit it. Specifically if I'm like in a Harry Potter mood, or just got done watching re-rewatching Harry Potter, and it is, it's that first 20 minutes. I'm like, okay, maybe I can, you know, get back into this. I did like this when I was younger, and then it's trash.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00So you're welcome.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, thanks for that, Blake. Yeah, you're welcome. Appreciate you. You know, on the topic though, uh, here's the real question vampires, werewolves. Who does it better?
SPEAKER_00Vampires have done it better so far, but I like werewolves more.
SPEAKER_03I agreed. I that 100%, right? It's really unfortunate, and we talked about this a little bit on the first episode, talking through uh werewolf eggers coming up. I'm really excited for that one because I I would I would really love to see a good werewolf movie, but so far the only one that even comes close is American Werewolf in London.
SPEAKER_00You don't like the Wolfman with Ben East O'Connor?
SPEAKER_03I I haven't seen Wolfman.
SPEAKER_00You should. I think that you'd I think you'd uh I think you'd enjoy it. I think that if you're putting American Werewolf as like, oh, this is the only one, the Wolfman will definitely scratch that itch for you before Werewolf comes out, I would say see it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, because right now it's Vampires all the way, right? You've got you've got Blade, Van Helsing.
SPEAKER_00Van Helsing is a horrible movie.
SPEAKER_03Van Helsing's a good movie.
SPEAKER_00Okay, you're gonna have to defend that shit one day because that's shit's.
SPEAKER_03I'm not saying it's a great movie, but it's a good movie.
SPEAKER_00Where have they done Vampires right?
SPEAKER_03Blade is is honestly my favorite vampire movie.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Nosferatu, obviously. I think that they did Nosferatu really dude. Nosferatu is good. I understand the the shit that you got with the pacing, but overall I think that it's a solid vampire movie.
SPEAKER_03Nosferatu it's a seven out of ten for me. Um I think seven? Seven.
SPEAKER_00Oh shit. Yeah. I don't know where I have it, but it's higher than a seven.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's a seven for me. Um I wanted it to be better. I thought it was gonna be better. It just it just didn't live up to to what it could have been. So I think that's I mean, it's not a lighthouse level Eggers miss, but it's it's definitely not on the same level as as Witch or Do you like Nosferatu better than you like Brahm Stoker's Dracula? They're right about they're right about the same for me.
SPEAKER_00I'm a little bit higher on Nosferatu.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, they're they're right about the same for me. You know, I I saw the critique online, people were like, you know, Nosferatu, I wish that they had made him more attractive, especially with like the you know, the whole fact that it's a it's an orgy kind of thing, and he's been um having sex with the girl the entire time. But and so he as a result he should have been more attractive. I think it actually works that Nosferatu was ugly and dead.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you know, it definitely works within Egger's whole scope of things as well.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I agree. But ultimately I I I would say they're they're right about the same for me, you know, right about that seven mark.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's I mean, I guess that that's fair. Have you ever seen Last Voyage of the Demeter?
SPEAKER_03No, I haven't.
SPEAKER_00That's so have you read Dracula? I have. Okay, so you know the part where they're on the boat, like the Demeter?
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so instead of making like that one chapter, that they made that a whole movie. Yeah. And it was honestly really good. Like the like Dracula the Vampire actually looks really, really good. Um there are a few parts where I feel like it's okay, this doesn't have to be a full movie, but I kinda look it's not a movie that I think is big enough for it to like impact me spoiling it for you because the ending is like it's it's not a huge twist. Like you're gonna catch on to it as soon as it happens, and I'm gonna be like, oh fuck, that's crazy. Um, but basically there is one character that they have that's on the boat that when they get off of it, his character becomes Van Helsing chasing Dracula around, you know. Um I would I would really highly recommend Voyager the Demeter.
SPEAKER_03And uh Wolfman.
SPEAKER_00And the Wolfman, yeah.
SPEAKER_03I I'll watch Wolfman.
SPEAKER_00I think they're both equally as good, honestly. I've only seen Last Voyage of the Demeter one time, but it definitely was really good.
SPEAKER_03Well four star, three star? How many how many amistars do you give in pole fiction?
SPEAKER_00I gave I gave it four.
SPEAKER_03Four.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Wait, no, no, no, wait. Out of five.
SPEAKER_03Four.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so it was a four.
SPEAKER_03Four. So we got a six-star overall. Yeah, six star overall. Ten versus four gap on pole fiction. Might be the widest this show will ever post. I wouldn't be surprised. Uh it's not getting resolved tonight. I think the community will probably agree with me as they have on every other take that we've had so far.
SPEAKER_00All right.
SPEAKER_03And uh as it turns out, he was a a dirty liar about Twilight, and we were actually much closer on Twilight than he would ever give. Yeah. Which by the way, I just want to point out what a what a sacrilegious thing to have as the defendant segment, you know, when this this fool actually made me watch this atrocious movie called Twilight, and then ended up not actually defending.
SPEAKER_00Now, here the thing is though, I did say that I am defending those parts of the movie. I'm technically still within my with within my means of defending it. I do think that those parts could have set up a really good movie. It's just where they went with it. You know, it's built for one audience and one audience only.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so there's one bad critic here. We all know who it is. So next week we're gonna be talking about capes and shit. Bro, cape shit. Capes and shit.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, we're we're coining the phrase cape shit.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Because there's a lot of shit in the cape genre.
SPEAKER_00There is a lot of cape shit.
SPEAKER_03So, you know, and we're coming into the end of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. So we'll talk about whether that's okay. Whether we want the Marvel Cinematic Universe to end. And I will be defending. I'm gonna let y'all in on a little secret here, Batman and Robin. The George Clooney. The fantastic version there. So uh for next week, let us know. What do you give Pulp Fiction? It's probably closer to the 10 out of 10 than the four out of ten. I'd be guessing. Let us know what your Tarantino top three are. And uh most exciting one, I think. This is a new segment I think we're gonna like here. I think there's gonna be a lot of runtime on this, is our uh recast roulette.
SPEAKER_00So uh yeah, I think that I think recast roulette might become a segment that we do more often. And I'll kind of leave off, you know, when ending Defendant with Twilight. If you want a movie that kind of fits that same vibe, it's not as blue. Uh a movie that's actually good. Uh check out a place beyond the pines. Oh, that's a great movie that's kind of got that similar, you know, foresty vibe. It's definitely more, I would say, more green, and uh it's definitely not as blue. I I'd have to find a movie that's as blue as that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03So uh we'll talk about Place Beyond the Pines, I'm sure, in one of the upcoming episodes. Uh, if you if you have any comments, you know, let us know what kind of recast roulette you'd like to see. We'll talk through some of those maybe in the next episode.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, put in your re your recast roulette, you know. Let us know.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely. Look forward to see you next week.
SPEAKER_00All right, later.