Nothing Changes Until You Show Up: Daryl Dittmer’s Journey

Cat York sits down with Daryl Dittmer, who overcame severe addiction at 19 to become an entrepreneur, author, and life coach. Daryl shares his recovery story, the role of treatment and AA, and the moment he chose to change his life.

The conversation explores how showing up, humility, and service guided his path into business, writing, and coaching, and offers practical encouragement for anyone facing addiction, burnout, or a desire to reinvent their life.

For additional information regarding Daryl Dittmer, his coaching services, or his podcast, Show UP! With Daryl Dittmer, kindly visit daryldittmer.com.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:20

Hello everyone, and welcome to the Call Her Cat Podcast, where we share honest stories of resilience and recovery. I'm Cat York, and my mission is to hold a supportive, honest space for candid discussions on addiction, healing, and breaking the mold. Whether you are exploring sobriety, navigating challenging family cycles, or working toward finding self-love and empowerment, these conversations are for you. My goal is to connect, heal, and learn what it means to redefine your story. As a gentle reminder, before I introduce our guests, the Call Her Cat podcast is for informational purposes only. The views expressed by the host and the guests are their own personal opinions and do not constitute professional advice. Please consult with a licensed professional for any medical, legal, or psychological concerns. My guest today, Daryl Dittmer, overcame a tumultuous youth reaching a critical crossroads at age 19 to become not only a successful entrepreneur and author, but a life mastery coach. He is dedicated to helping others find his own success, self-respect, and lasting peace. His podcast Show Up with Daryl Dittmer, who offers practical insights and conversations with leaders, sharing his simple principle nothing changes until you show up. He's the author of When I Stop Fighting, the unexpected joy of getting my head out of my ass. And also, when you stop fighting, the road you're on is your own asshole. Darryl lives with his wife Christina in the mountains of North Georgia. And with that, I will welcome Daryl. Hi Daryl.

SPEAKER_00 2:20

Hey cat. Thanks for having me on. I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_02 2:22

Thank you for being here. So I is there anything that I missed in your bio that you wanted to add or correct?

SPEAKER_00 2:31

No, it sounded like too much, honestly, the way it was. It was a lot of that. Yeah, I I I just when people ask me to, you know, describe myself, I say I'm, you know, a tall, sober dude, and uh that's that's that's about it.

SPEAKER_02 2:48

So I gave a brief background. Would you like to give us a little bit more of a background of you?

SPEAKER_00 2:54

Sure, sure. Yeah. Um I grew up in the Midwest, and my dad was a mechanic, and my mom uh took care of us kids. It was kind of the you know, the household of the I guess late 60s, 70s, whatever. It's just that was kind of a typical household at that point, and that's what my uh parents chose to do. And and uh I I will say that my you know, my upbringing, my upbringing was what it was. I mean, we were a very sort of, you know, I grew up Protestant, we were very work ethic oriented. My you know, dad was a very work-oriented guy. Um he worked a lot, just you know, I had older older brother and a younger sister, and uh, you know, just to keep the roof on the house and food on the table and that sort of thing. And and uh so so that was sort of from whence I came. He was he was a uh you know, he was also a Korean War veteran. So he was just he was just kind of a tough dude. Um it was sort of can I can I use it? Yeah, you can swear. Yes. He was he was he was a nice guy, but he was a no bullshit kind of guy. And my mom was also a no bullshit kind of gal. And that was just, you know, they were both pretty tough. Sometimes I think my mom was tougher than my dad. But um anyway, you know, it was it was what it was, and and so as I got into my teens, uh, I I think you know, we all start similarly, you know, on the road, sort of going down addiction's path. And I, you know, I was 13 years old. I took my first drink. I, you know, I was causing trouble. I almost got in a fight where I got my butt handed to me. And and uh it was just you know one of those things where I just started being trouble pretty quickly. Um and so, you know, without belaboring, because I I'm a big believer and and I've been in recovery for a while now, and and I'm a big believer that it's re it's about recovery, it's not about all my stories, you know, and and because I think those can get sort of sometimes glamorized and like, oh, I did this, and and I and I I don't necessarily, and you know, everybody do what they do, but but that's not where I like to put the focus. So the bottom line is I I went through my teens, progressed, you know, pretty quickly into you know, more serious drugs and drinking, and and it got to a point where that's all I wanted to do. Everything else I just sort of threw away. Relationships, you know, the friendships were the ones that were like me. And and most of those guys aren't around anymore. They're they're not alive anymore. So um it was it was uh it was progressing. I started, you know, whatever. Thank god they didn't have the smartphones on because you know, lots of criminal activity that I never got caught for, which was great, petty and otherwise. And uh, and you know, it was uh and dealing drugs, all that sort of thing, and and just so very consumed with the next drink, the next drug, the next high, the next whatever it was. And and there was an intervention done. Actually, I was still 18 when that happened, and uh it was basically the bottom line was you know, get over this stuff, go talk to a drug counselor or just get out of our life and you know, see you later. So so, and they left the decision up to me. And you know, whether or not I was equipped to make that decision, I I don't know, but I decided that that's what I was I was decided I was gonna go see that drug counselor, and I and I went to see that drug counselor, and and I was planning on lying my ass off. That was just that was just that was the plan with everything, right? Just try to get out of it. And and the moment I walked in the door, he was like, dude, you can't lie to me. Don't even try it. I know you're full of shit. I've been where you are. And and he was sober at that time. Uh, and and so he got it, you know, he got me and personality that personality and whatever. And so, anyway, long story short, um he basically said, Look, dude, we got to get you into a uh inpatient treatment program. And I was supposed to go to this place in Minnesota, but they were full. And so I ended up going to a hospital program in the Detroit area. And uh, and a couple days before I went in, and this is just kind of where I was at that time. I was at a New Year's Eve party, and and it was December 31st, and I had just bought a bunch of dope thinking, okay, I'm gonna get out of treatment and I'll have this ready for me when I get out.

SPEAKER_01 7:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:51

And I'm at this party, and I'm probably around, I don't know, maybe a couple hundred people, whatever. But I am the most miserable, most lonely, most like disconnected I'd ever been. And I and I, you know, was seriously considering like, do I just end myself? And yeah, that was where I was that night. Three days later, I was in treatment, and uh, and I'll I'll drop it there.

SPEAKER_02 8:15

You you highlighted something that I think is important, and that at some point it stops becoming fun, you know, and becomes like a necessity to get high. It's not even fun anymore.

SPEAKER_00 8:27

Right, right, absolutely. And that's the way it was. It was if I couldn't do that, I I wasn't there was nothing. There was just nothing because either I was doing it or my mind was conniving how to figure it out, how to get back to that place. And and you know, I'm a kid and I'm working and stuff. At that time, I'm working on farms and out in the, you know, we moved out to the country when I was younger, and uh, and so all that money and everything else, and then dealing and all that kind of thing, and you know, lying and cheating and stealing the rest. Um that's what it was about.

SPEAKER_02 9:06

Were you were you contemplating ending it because you were tired of it all, or you didn't think that you could you had what it took to get a better life for yourself?

SPEAKER_00 9:18

Both. Yeah, definitely both. I would say that I was I felt completely hopeless, like completely hopeless. And it actually brings up a little bit as I talk about it. It it's kind of sitting there and uh and yeah, just hopeless. Like, like I I don't know. I couldn't remember what it was like to feel any semblance of happiness, and I didn't see any as I looked out the windshield, you know, if I was capable of looking out the windshield.

SPEAKER_02 9:52

And were there any other uh people in your life who were trying to get sober as well, or was it just you kind of on this path by yourself?

SPEAKER_00 10:00

It was me on this path by myself, but it was um there was a friend of ours who went into treatment probably two or three months before I went into treatment, and he went into a six-month program inpatient. And uh, you know, and he was similar to all the rest of us at that time, but but moments after he got out, he was with us at this one dude's house where we used to always hang out, and he was getting high, and you know, that's what six months of inpatient treatment that's all I knew about it was his experience. I was like, oh well, all right, I guess it doesn't work.

SPEAKER_02 10:39

And what was your experience like um getting sober once you're in the hospital?

SPEAKER_00 10:46

Um the first thing that happened was I felt as though, and this was in the detox part of it, which I don't even know how long it was. I'm guessing it was three days or something. I don't even know. But um I'm I'm in like laying on the bed, and I remember I'm I don't remember whether I'm face down or face up, but I'm having this sort of alternate reality, felt like a dream, but it felt real, and it felt more real than a dream, but I didn't I wasn't really conscious. And and I guess it was just the withdrawal symptoms, but I but I was being pulled down into this dark place, and I felt myself being pulled down and to a place that just scared me. It was it was really frightening, but I couldn't stop being pulled down to this place, and it was dark. And anyway, I thought, based on my Protestant upbringing, that I it was hell, like I'm heading down south for the you know, the long ride in hell, and uh as they had explained it to me when I was younger, and uh, and I suddenly like became conscious, and I was like, but I was I was hanging off the bed, my body was like half on, half off the bed, and my head was down toward the ground, like I was actually being pulled down, and uh, and then I woke up, and that was the first part. And then after that, I honestly don't remember much. I know we talked about honesty, I know we talked about feelings, I know I was in groups, I know I had to, you know, like listen to counselors and lectures and be in group therapy, and they also took us into the 12 steps and they took us to meetings, and and I think it for me, and you know, everybody's different when it comes to getting into recovery and recovering and all that sort of thing, completely cool. Whatever works for you. If if sucking peanut butter jellies out of a straw works for you, I don't care. I really don't care. But 12 steps is what sort of what got me in the um when I went there, I saw people who were in recovery, and I'm like, right, they don't feel like I do, they seem to feel much better than I do, you know, and and and because they could come from the outside and come into these meetings at the treatment center. And and so that intrigued me. And anyway, when I got out of treatment, that was where I had to hang out because I couldn't hang out with the people that I used to be with.

SPEAKER_02 13:21

And you were very young getting into treatment because you weren't even 21 yet. No, you you had lived to sound like a pretty hard path already by the time we even got to 19.

SPEAKER_00 13:32

Yeah, I I was um I, you know, for whatever reason, it's interesting, and that brings up another topic, I think, for me, that which I really feel is important because people can say, and I thought about this when I was younger. I'm like, well, I haven't lost a spouse, I haven't lost a house, I haven't lost, you know, I haven't done this, I haven't done that, you know, all this sort of stuff. And it's like, but what really matters is where I'm at in here. And how how sick and tired of being sick and tired am I in here? And I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was just done. And and I think that's the crucial thing to distinguish because we can get caught up in comparing stories and and but that doesn't matter, you know, somebody else's story doesn't matter. The only story that really matters, and I don't mean doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, of course it matters, but that's not the reason for me to like or dislike, you know, stay or not stay. Uh the the question is, am I sick and tired of being sick and tired? Have I had enough? And at that point in my life, at 19 years old, barely into my 19, 19th year, I was I was done.

SPEAKER_02 14:48

I mean, yeah, because you probably bring up um a good point. We can't judge what some what something is going on on somebody's insides. You know, we don't know what they're feeling, what they're going through. And just because you hadn't lost a job or a family, doesn't mean your struggle wasn't real, and that you weren't on the verge of losing your life, possibly.

SPEAKER_00 15:04

You know. Absolutely. Yeah, and I and I feel like from that perspective, and it's those are hard things, you know, at least for me, it was a hard thing to admit that, you know, like like it might not, you know, I'm gonna do something that's gonna take me out or take other people out or something, you know, because of the reckless way that I was living. And and I don't know how long I would last. I was definitely, you know, kind of a nut job, kind of a risk taker. And and you know, that can't go on for too, too long without there being serious consequence.

SPEAKER_02 15:42

And and once you found AA and you found like you saw what everybody else had that you kind of wanted, you know, they had their lives together, they're probably more comfortable in their own skin, they weren't feeling like you were feeling you know, I'm curious, like those around you, did they start to notice the difference in you?

SPEAKER_00 16:02

Oh, yeah, I would say well, fairly quickly. Um yeah, I was I was starting to be different. Um, and I guess you know, I was starting to not need to hide so much.

SPEAKER_02 16:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:23

And and I think that's probably the biggest piece of it that I was, you know, and and incrementally because recovery is absolutely a process, you know, and there are some immediate benefits, you know, in in terms of not poisoning myself anymore, all that kind of thing, and and getting the substance sort of garbage taken out to the curb so that I can actually begin to grow me. Um, but but it's a process and and it takes time. And were there things that were noticeable early on? Yeah, I would definitely think so. But but you know, as time went on, I just as different things became so important to me. Um you know, the things in here and then the things in here about other people became important to me. And and that was a huge burden lifted.

SPEAKER_02 17:20

And as you're as you're going through life, you're now a really sober young man. You know, when did you decide that you wanted to go down like the entrepreneurial path? Like, when did you start to feel like that was the path for you?

SPEAKER_00 17:37

Well, it's funny because um nobody in my family had graduated from college, and so I I was sort of like when I got through treatment, I'm like, you know what? I think I'm gonna see what this college thing is like. And my my parents couldn't pay for college or anything like that. So so I did, you know, I worked and I had student loans. And, you know, you get student loans and you think, well, it's not really money, you know, it's not like I'm gonna have to pay it back or anything. Um, but that's what it feels like. That's what it felt like when I was young because I had no understanding of money. Um, and I had no understanding of debt or anything like that. So I know that's a circuitous route to get to your uh answering your question, but that's okay. Um, so I decided to go to college and and I thought, you know, wow, people's people's dads do all kinds of crazy stuff, you know. They're they're not just and and being from the Detroit area, it was like, well, I thought everybody's dad either worked for GM Ford or Chrysler, and either they had you know a mechanic suit on or they had a a suit on. And my dad had a mechanics outfit on. And yeah, and so um, so I I don't, you know, there's there's not a drop of blame in me or anything when it comes to looking back on my life, but but you know, I didn't, I didn't get the big wheel, you know, I didn't there's certain things I just didn't didn't have. And I was like, you know what, I'd like to see what life would be like if something, if I had a different experience. And and and I decided that I want that, wanted that different experience. And and I didn't really know what entrepreneurship was. I thought it was like this mystical sort of like thing. And but when I was in college, and and by this time I had started doing some carpentry work, and and I got into college and I started building lofts for people for people. And I had these, I had this little setup where I had my pickup truck and I had all this wood I would bring from the lumber yard and I'd throw it in the you know in the little quad area, and I'd build these lofts, and and I would pay guys in like six packs of beer to help me lift them up in people's rooms. Sorry for you know fomenting the problem, but uh, but I did anyway.

SPEAKER_01 19:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:58

And and and so that was an and I didn't know until you know not that long ago that it was an entrepreneurial activity. Um that I was sort of doing that. So, so and and and then I then I became a sales guy, and then I started owning some businesses and doing real estate and things like that. So, so it it started with wanting to have a different life than how I grew up financially, but it morphed into this incredible growth opportunity because I was taking risks and doing things I was uncomfortable doing. And so it became the entrepreneurial route for me, it became a place where I was really able to grow, and the money part of it became much less important than the growth part of it, and and just from taking those risks. So it was it's been a really cool journey.

SPEAKER_02 20:56

So you found something that brought out something in you that was like a passion, and money was not the main focus, but it was about that feeling that it gave you doing something that was productive and that you enjoyed.

SPEAKER_00 21:10

For sure, yeah, for sure. And and and that has morphed over time. I'm I I'm a I'm a person of varied interests, and so you know, I've done I've done a few different things from an entrepreneurial perspective, and and now what I'm you know, what I'm doing is is different than all the other stuff that I had done. Yeah, and it scares the hell out of me, just like the stuff back then scared the hell out of me. And and which is completely cool. I don't mind having the hell scared out of me. The only question is am I going to move toward it or am I going to go try to go around it? And for me, moving toward it is is where that growth part sort of um kicks off for me.

SPEAKER_02 21:57

And you I was listening to one of your episodes, yes. And you touched on it briefly that AA was was part of your journey. It's how you initially got sober. And what and I I w was a member of AA for quite some time. And it has a lot of beautiful, beautiful things about the community is wonderful and getting active, uh, being accountable. It's you know, finding a spiritual aspect to your life. Um definitely are good foundations. What would you say helps you now stay grounded in your sobriety?

SPEAKER_00 22:34

Yeah, and I I did, yeah, for several years I was in it and around it and really in it, and you know, helping and starting meetings and all that sort of stuff. Um and like exactly like you said, Kat, it's a real, it's a great foundation. Um, but as I started to think a little differently about things, um, I found that, you know, I can say I'm recovered. You know, I'm I'm allowed to be recovered. Uh and I'm allowed to to not, I'm not scared of drinking, I'm not scared of drugs, I'm not, you know, like, oh man, it's just gonna jump, you know. So there are certain things that that I think um we can sort of leave behind as we move ourselves forward. Um, and and so what it's not even about being sober anymore, being away from drinking and drugs. It's about for me at this point in my life, it's about what can I give back to to people and to the planet and to you know who can I help? Um and because because that's really you know, there's there's a circular nature to all this stuff. And and so, you know, am I I can't just take and then oh yeah, thanks, guys. You know, I appreciate everybody going through everything they went through to help me. But then if I'm not giving it away, I what have I actually done? You know, that's how I perceive this whole thing. So, so what helps me is being uh very attuned to what can I provide other people to help them learn? And it doesn't have to do just with sobriety or recovery, it has to do with can I help them in business? Can I help them in sales? Can I help them in relationships? Can I help them with a question they may have, you know, um, that I've that I had 20 or 30 years ago, you know, that that I I know what my experience wrought for me, can I pass that on? I can't learn their lessons for them, but maybe I can give them some things to look out for. And and so that's that's really what keeps me cranking along these days.

SPEAKER_02 24:59

No, and I think you highlighted a nice point of how giving back is important and can help really all of us, you know, because there's a circular nature to this, like you know, what if somebody helps you, I don't say you have an obligation to help somebody, but it really even if it's you and the person you're helping. You know, there's an yeah, you know, there's a nice circular nature to it, like you said. And at what point in your in your journey did you s did you start wanting to become a coach?

SPEAKER_00 25:31

That wasn't that long ago. And and because I because I wanted to, so the story is I probably 20 years ago, I I was you know, 20 years into recovery, I met my now wife, and um, and I would tell her stories of me and my youth, and she's like, she's like, dude, I'm I'm not I'm not seeing it, you know. I'm not seeing that guy, I'm not seeing that that, you know, messed up guy. And I said, well, yeah, remind me to write a book someday. So yeah, so you know, we talked about that. I st I probably wrote three paragraphs over the next 18 years or something, and uh I had this little folder in my computer, you know, like the book, and it just sort of sat there forever. And anyway, so I started writing the book and I got through the first book, and and once I started, you know, just that personality, right? Like you just for me, it just like when I'm on it, I'm on it. So it took about, I don't know, two to three months to write the first book once I started. And then I then I kept going. I wrote another one because I was like, you know what, it's not all out of me. So I wrote another one, uh, which are the two that you referenced, and and it's not easy to get books into people's hands, and and so that's an interesting uh dilemma in and of itself that I wasn't aware of. And so people are like, Well, you know, is there something else that you can sort of round out what you're doing with? And I thought, well, you know, could I help people? Could I teach people? Could I coach people? And I've never been a big fan of the quote unquote life coach thing, right? Um, I just it's just, you know, whatever, that's just me. Um, and I'm not even a big fan now, but uh but I also but I want to I want to help people, and I was I asked some people like, what do I say? What do I call myself? And they're like, Well, people like to be coached, and I'm like, okay, I you know, that's all right. But I'm not a basketball coach, and I'm you know, I'm I want to help people with with the themselves and their lives and how they experience this journey.

SPEAKER_02 27:49

How was uh how was it like for you when you got your first your first I guess client to calm?

SPEAKER_00 27:56

And like how were you scared when you were nervous when you're like oh yeah, yeah, it's I mean it's but but the difference between so scared when it stops me is one thing, scared when I move to it and through it is another thing, and scared when it stops me keeps me scared, right? And scared when I move toward it alleviates that fear. So I've I've learned over time that it's okay to be scared, it's just how do I proceed forward after I'm scared? And so so it's not so like I can talk to people and and you know, my honestly, Kat, and I'll I'll tell you this like people look at me now and they're like, dude, really? You have a podcast? You're on podcast? Like, what's going on? Like, not you, really? You because I'm not the public-facing guy. I'd like I'd rather I'd rather be off in a corner, and if somebody just comes to me without me having to be out there, you know, I'd be I'd much prefer that, you know. Um, but anyway, so it's yeah, it is scary. And and I'm starting to do, I'm starting to help people with business stuff and sales stuff, but from the not from the perspective of, you know, here's how you how many calls you have to do, and here's you know how to what to do with your money. It has to do with building oneself so that they can withstand the difficulties inherent with being an entrepreneur or a salesperson. Deal with the nose, deal with the rejection, deal with being ghosted, deal with people telling you to go screw yourself, like all that sort of stuff, you know. Right, and that's difficult. Like that really bothered me in the beginning because I'm like, I'm used to shoveling cow and pig manure and building stuff out of wood, you know, like that's all pretty isolated stuff, but you know, the whole being out there in the fray, like man, people and I didn't understand, you know, and I was a I was a liar cheating a thief at one point in my life, but I didn't understand how people could be so dishonest. I'm like, what's wrong with you? And I'm sure they were saying the same thing about me when I was younger.

SPEAKER_02 30:18

So you don't will your your your your coaching is about it's not based on sales, it's not based on money, it's not based on profit, it's based on helping the person be able to navigate the challenges that come with business. Is that correct?

SPEAKER_00 30:32

Absolutely, yeah, absolutely. Um because because it is difficult, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 30:40

And do you where do you think, and I'm kind of curious your perspective on when it comes to sales and and and you know, businesses or salesmen, where do you think they may get it wrong as far as do they get it wrong by just pursuing the dollar, pursuing the profit? Is that where you think the mistakes may happen, or they kind of lose themselves in just going after the money?

SPEAKER_00 31:06

I think that's a big part of it, and and you know, one of the things that I've discovered with just because recovery has made me very curious about life and about living and about philosophies and about why people do what they do and why they live the way they live and why they believe the way they believe, and all those sorts of things. And and so, you know, and I've investigated a lot of things. I've investigated, you know, different religions and philosophies, and I and I love that, and I I really do, I love it. Um and and that's another thing that sort of keeps me going and keeps me curious, but but what I discovered is there's there's elements to life, uh, and and we'll call it five elements to life or pillars to life. And one is um my body, one is my mind, one is my heart, and one is my soul, and one is my financial life. And unfortunately, it takes not unfortunately, but it does. It takes money to get through this life. And right, and we have to have it. We don't have to have a ton of it, we have to have enough to, you know. When when my boys used to say, um, you know, I need this, I need this baseball bat, I need this, you know, I'd be like, well, no, actually, you need food, clothing, and shelter. All the other stuff that you think you need is things that you want.

SPEAKER_01 32:26

Right.

SPEAKER_00 32:26

And so when I'm when I'm coaching and training people, what I want them to do is understand that it's not just the financial piece, you know, it's how they build themselves from a health perspective, mental and physical, and how they build themselves from an emotional perspective, and how they build themselves from a spiritual perspective. If if that's and you know, can people can choose to call it whatever they want? I don't care, you know, it doesn't matter. There is no, you know, one quote that I love is that um, I forget who said it, but uh, I apologize to whoever said it, but um he said, There are 5,000, you know, religions or religious traditions or ways of looking at God on this planet, but don't worry, yours is the only one that's right. And it's it's like it's like you know, everybody's got their either belief or capacity for belief, or they believe in, you know, nothingness or whatever it is, and that's fine. So I I I want people to just explore, you know, that there's maybe something, maybe you can just call it energy that's ticking inside here that when I go away, they say he's gone, even though my body's laying right there. Then, well, then what left? You know, is it is it energy? So so I try to round out the the offerings in terms of what we pay attention to and give all of those credence and importance and so that so that if I'm building a financial life, I can also build, you know, and round out the rest of my life so that I'm when I have uh some finances or additional finances, I'm also treating myself and life in a way that that honors and you know gives reverence to life.

SPEAKER_02 34:27

Right. No, I like that because I think in this society we get so wrapped up in what do you have, but don't you have um the nicest car, clothes, jewelry, and of course everybody's highlight reel on Instagram, you know. You know, we get so caught up in that that I think we get a very skewed view of maybe what success is. And I know that's different for everybody, how success people define their own success in our life. How do you define success in your life?

SPEAKER_00 34:58

I would say probably at least 25 years ago, um, based on getting my ass handed to me a thousand times, um, in business and you know, in life and whatever. Um, because that happens. We whether we want it to or not, it just happens. Um and that's part of that's part of being here. And and so my definition of success became as simple as, and there's a lot that goes into it, but how I explain it is uh waking up in the morning with a smile on my face is success. And and that has to do with how I treat my body, my mind, my heart, my soul, and my finances.

SPEAKER_02 35:44

No, that's good because if you if you look at yourself and your life as this complete package versus just focusing on money, it sounds like from what you're saying, everything can improve. Not just your business, but your personal, your spiritual, everything can improve.

SPEAKER_00 36:01

Absolutely, and I have known a lot of very, very, very miserable people who have tons of money. Yeah. And not to say that money makes them miserable, but because I don't think money, I think money makes people more of what they already are. And so if I if I'm building myself, because there's a lot of really wonderful people with a lot of money, and there's miserable people with a lot of money, and there's you know, wonderful people with no money, and there's miserable people with no money. So it's not the money, it's how am I treating the entirety of my life.

SPEAKER_02 36:44

Yeah. No, that's an important distinction because you do see these millionaires who have all this money, and still they battle addiction.

unknown 36:52

Right.

SPEAKER_02 36:53

You know, they battle mental health, and there's still there's still something missing in their life that's keeping them from true happiness. And there was something that um Jim Carrey said one time. He said, I wish everybody could have money to know that it's not the answer. You know, and I I think that kind of resonates kind of with what you're saying, is that it's not shouldn't be what you're going after. You should be more about fixing what's in here, and then the rest will kind of come to you naturally.

SPEAKER_00 37:21

Right, right. Yeah, but one of the things my my uh sponsor said to me, and he said this early on, and you know, when I used to go into the 12-step meetings or the you know, the uh Alano Club kind of thing, whatever it was, and I'd see on you know, you see on the walls one day at a time and first things first, and this two shall pass. And he said to me, because I I some of that stuff I didn't get when I came in, it took me a while, all of a sudden they just started pinging, and I was like, Oh, and but he said to me, he said, the reason that they say first things first is because if you keep first things first, which is what the work you need to do in here, then the rest will be added on, and so it sounds kind of biblical, but it's not. But um, if I do the stuff that I need to do for my own growth, and and that includes how I treat the rest of the world, um, then if I keep that first, then all the other stuff just like it's almost like you know, Joseph Campbell talks about it. Um, you know, the path, once you find that groove, the path just kind of lays out, and and you know, you for me, that's sort of how it's been. I feel like I've been kind of led down a path, and not to say that it's not freaky sometimes and scary sometimes, and you know, holy shit sometimes, and man, I don't want to do that sometimes. But I know that it's the right way, and and that's that's an interesting um development that I've felt for quite some time now.

SPEAKER_02 39:06

Where did your where did your podcast come into play? Where did that start from for you?

SPEAKER_00 39:13

So that was um I actually I I met some people that helped me sort of develop because I had no idea really how to develop a message and and develop a coherent way of what I think is coherent way of you know getting this stuff out. And and so when I became and they told me this this place that helped me publish my books, they said, you know, as you start doing other things that can help get books out into people's hands, you know, you can be a podcast guest or you can start a podcast. And I was like, all right, I'll start a podcast. And yeah, and so I did that, and and it was um that scared the heck out of me too. I was like, man, what am I doing? You know, like when I started doing it. Um, but I've learned to love it because I love I love people and I love talking, and I love especially talking about, you know, just how can we make this journey better and brighter and and more fulfilling?

SPEAKER_02 40:23

How did you come up with the show title show up?

SPEAKER_00 40:27

You know, that was actually my wife, because we were starting to think about, um, I was starting to think about how can I just sort of encapsulate my message, and these folks that were helping me do that, they're like, Well, think of something. And I'm like, that's why I have you guys here, so you can think of something. Um, anyway, so so you know, one was like take the garbage out, one was you know, there were there were other things, and then my wife was like, Well, how about show up? And I'm like, I'm like, you know, that kind of fits because we always have a choice, right? We always have a choice of how we want to proceed from here, right? You know, any moment. How do we want to proceed from here? And right, and a lot of that for me has been showing up. And and again, my sponsor, he's like, he's like, tell me when the best time to go to a meeting is. And this was, you know, I'm 19, 20 years old, and I'm like, I don't know. He's like, when you don't feel like it. I'm like, oh, all right. So, and and is that that's the best time for me to go to the gym? That's the best time for me to eat the healthy food, you know, or whatever is when I don't feel like it. So, all to me, all of those things are part of showing up for myself and my life.

SPEAKER_02 41:48

When you look back a little bit, um, you know, to that 19-year-old boy who was struggling to get sober, and you're you're now an author of three books, podcast host, uh coach. What does that feel like to look back at where you were to where you are now?

SPEAKER_00 42:08

I'm really grateful. And and that is I I don't that's kind of that's the whole thing is is I truly feel like like I did do the work, I did do what was in front of me to be done, but I but I it's not um it's not I'm just not a sort of to me, it's not something where I want to say, oh great job, Daryl, you know, because because I have this life and I could go in many different directions with my life and could have done that at any time in my life, you know, go in a different direction. And right, and I just kept going where the path seemed to be leading, and I'm grateful that I chose to do that. And and doing the work for me is just me living a responsible, accountable existence.

SPEAKER_02 43:02

Yeah. What it what is next for you? You have you have so many things that you've already done. Any more books coming out?

SPEAKER_00 43:10

I mean, yeah, uh, I do. Um, and I'm sort of, you know, I I I I have notes, my phone, like the little notes app, right? Like, I mean, oh my lord, it's insane. There's probably there's 20 things that come to my mind, like, you know, like just constantly. I'm like putting this in, putting this in. So so I have one book about 85% um sort of organized and outlined. And but I don't know if that's the next book I'm gonna write, because I have these ideas for other books. So so yes, I'm gonna write more books, and and I'm also going to do something, and I've never I haven't said this on a podcast yet, Kat, but here here goes. Um I'm scared to death of public speaking. So that needs to be next for me. Um, that's kind of the next big sort of like holy crap thing that I have to do because I'm scared of it. And and and because like there's this, I feel like there's this half a pie that's my life, and I've done like everything up to here, like all the stuff I've done, and then this little slice is whatever's next. And part of that is I can't leave it undone. Right. And I feel like the next step in that is the public speaking thing.

SPEAKER_02 44:36

And you mean that in relation to like um your journey in general, or as it comes to business?

SPEAKER_00 44:43

It's going to be a combination of those things. It's going to be helping people improve their the experience of their lives. Um, and that could be recovery, it could be, you know, sales, business kind of thing, it could be um, you know, just you know, what can I do if I want to feel better every day? And and you know, just uh because a lot of people aren't addicted to alcohol or drugs, but you know, maybe it's social media, maybe it's you know, something that's taking their time away from being alive and experiencing life, you know, it's is it gambling, is it is it food? Is it you know, there's a lot of things that can take us away from that experience. So anybody's looking to improve their experience, um, whatever it is, that's that's sort of who I'd like to appeal to um because it's because I've been in almost every one of those places. Um and and so if I can help, that's what I'm gonna try to do.

SPEAKER_02 45:54

I could see you doing that. I think you could do that with your experience in AA, they certainly prep you for public speaking a little bit, putting you on the spot. Um that was my least favorite part of that, you know, get up and talk. Um, and you know, and you have the podcast and the books. What do you I'm kind of curious, is there a a mantra that you live by or a quote that you you hold dear to you that kind of gets you through the tough days?

SPEAKER_00 46:24

Yeah, there's about a there's a million of them, honestly. Because I've written them all down, Kat.

SPEAKER_02 46:30

Um I like that.

SPEAKER_00 46:33

Uh you know, and I don't okay. Here's the last thing that came into my brain, and and I put it down, and and so I've got a there's tons of quotes that I love by you know all the sort of famous quote people, but one big one that I like that I think will help people is as long as you're trying, you're not going backwards. I like that. Because so many people think that they've stagnated or they're not going forward. And I I try to tell people look, as long as you're trying, you may not see it, you may not recognize it, you may not even feel it. But if you're continuing to try, you're absolutely moving forward. When you stop trying is when you start to backslide.

SPEAKER_02 47:24

I like that. Is there any any anything you want to say to anybody who's listening and they're struggling with sobriety or addiction of any kind? Or even just struggling in life, maybe.

SPEAKER_00 47:37

Yeah. Yeah. I think, you know, one of the things that was that was um told to me, and I'll I'll say it in the form of a story because it was really uh crucial to my story. Um I was at a uh a meeting, and this was I was probably you know 19, 20 years old as I'm as I'm going in. There's a nearby city where uh we'd have meetings at the community center, and it was a Friday night meeting. It was a pretty big meeting, a couple hundred people. And there was uh an older guy, and he was he was kind of you know small in stature and slight, and he he you know was a little hunched over when he walked, and and and his name was Jimmy. And at that time, you know, I'm I don't know, a few months or a year or whatever, sober, and and I'm always paying attention to Jimmy because Jimmy is around that city, he's like the most sober dude, and he'd been around for like 40 years. And I was like, and and everybody looked at him like he was a deity, you know, like wow, you know, and and you know, since then I've revised my sort of thinking around length of sobriety, other than if I'm continuing to grow. But but anyway, regarding this this story. So Jimmy, Jimmy was the only person in that meeting, and he did it um every time I went to that meeting, he would go grab the coffee carafe and he would go fill up people's coffee, you know, in the meeting. And, you know, like it or not, there is sort of uh, you know, thing in in recovery, especially in the 12 steps, like, okay, if somebody's been around that long, somebody be better be filling that dude's coffee. Right. Like that would be kind of the prevailing thought process. But he would do it, and it was such a cool act of service that I watched him do, and it it was pretty amazing to me because I didn't really get it at that time. And and so that was a really cool thing to watch, and I think that's an important lesson is to be of service to others, especially when we're struggling with our own stuff, you know, go try to help someone else. But the other thing is what Jimmy used to say, and I think this was really important, and I carry this with me as much as I, you know, possibly can. I feel like it's become a little bit of a thread inside of me. But um, he always used to say, look, if you wanna, if you wanna be in recovery, and and at that time it was just called be sober and and you want to live a life that you really feel good about and and you know move forward in your life and that sort of thing. He said, You have to remember to stay small. And and I used to hear that, and I was like, I don't know if I get it. I think I get it. It kind of stuck. And but he was talking about maintaining humility and maintaining not getting too big for our britches, so to speak. And and another word for humility that you know, I don't I don't know if they talk about in the 12 steps anymore, but another word for humility that used to say is is being teachable. And so if you're coming into you know, sobriety or you need help or you're you know struggling with any other addiction or just life, find people that can teach you. And I don't care if it's online or books or you know, whatever it is, you know, talks, YouTube, whatever it is. Find people who have been doing it and have had success doing it and listen to what they say and do the best you can to emulate them. And and so I I think that's and the other thing I would say is don't try to change everything all at once. You know, one little thing at a time is all it takes, and those little things over time um add up to huge changes in our lives as we go.

SPEAKER_02 51:40

I think that's solid advice, and I think it takes its it's it's it's solid, and I think that's where it all starts is humility and staying small and helping others. Um, and then you can really start to not only see positive changes in the world around you, but it within yourself, you know.

SPEAKER_00 51:59

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And and that's you know, when they when they say in the 12 steps to thine own self be true, right? And there's another piece to that, and then it's and then it must follow is the night, the day, thou canst not then be false to any man. So if I'm being true to me, that includes being true to everyone else. Because if I'm doing wrong by you, I'm doing wrong by myself. And and that's a a hugely important component.

SPEAKER_02 52:29

Would you like to tell everybody any where they can find you? Anything about your books, anything I may have missed?

SPEAKER_00 52:35

Oh no, you haven't missed anything, Kat. It's been a wonderful conversation, and and I appreciate it very much. The best place to find me is on my website, which is darylditmer.com. Uh D-A-R-Y-L-D-I-T-T-M-E-R dot com. Uh, you can find links to my books and a little bit more about me. And um and and I always say this, and I think it's you know, and I truly mean it. If I can help you, if you have a question, if you have you know something about the podcast or otherwise, or you're getting into you know recovery, or you know, just have a question or whatever, shoot me an email. There's a contact form in there. I'm happy to help, you know, if I can if I can provide any help.

SPEAKER_02 53:18

Yeah, and your books are great. I did download your when you stop fighting um on Audible, and it is a good book. So I highly recommend um giving your website a peek, giving your podcast show up a peek. You know, there's some good information there, there's some good good conversations there, and there's some good honesty and some good powerful messages for everybody, I think. Whether you're in recovery or if you're just trying to better yourself, I think there's something for everybody. You don't have to be in recovery. Yes, that's part of your story, but I think everyone can benefit from your message and and what you're trying to put out into the world. And so I wanna I wanna thank you for coming on today and thank you for talking with me, talking with us, um, and for all you're doing with your books and your podcasts and the coaching. And I can't wait to see you speak on like a TED talk or something. You know, I think that would be amazing to like turn on my YouTube and see you on a TED talk for that. Um, so thank you, Daryl, for being here with us today. I appreciate you. And um, you can find me and the Call Her Cat podcast on all major platforms, and everything from today's show, everything about Daryl will be in the show notes. And I recently added um a new category in my link tree called Featured Guest Publications, and there will be links to your books in there as well, so people will be able to get the books off of the Linktree as well. Um, you can follow me on social media for clips and updates. And like I say, every time, um you don't have to carry what you came from and keep telling your story because you never know who you're gonna help. And we will see you all next time.

SPEAKER_00 54:54

Thanks so much, Kat.

SPEAKER_02 54:55

Thank you, Darren.