Episode 15 - Jennifer (Perimenopause - heavy periods & the myth of multitasking)

Join me in chatting with Jennifer about her experiences with perimenopause, including heavy periods, no longer being able to multitask, and caring less.

Erin is the creator and host of Menopause Chats. She is also a somatic and intuitive coach who helps women in the in-between live with more magic and intention through her signature approach The 5 Cs of Becoming Her. More information at: www.pauseandalign.com

The stories shared in Menopause Chats are not intended as medical advice, but for information and entertainment. Please seek a medical professional for specific advice regarding your menopause journey. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Hi everyone, welcome to Menopause Chat. I'm Erin Druska, your host. And today we have a friend of mine, Jennifer, who's going to tell us about her journey. So, Jennifer, hi. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Tell us a little bit where are you? I know you're in the sort of more in the parry menopause journey.

SPEAKER_02 0:21

So well, yeah. So, and I think that's what's been fascinating about watching the stories that you've been sharing and just kind of how all of a sudden there's all this more information. Um, and you and I were talking a little bit earlier. Like, if you think you're in parry, you're probably in parry, and whether or not your um your doctor um says anything or verifies. Whether your doctor believes you or not. Whether your doctor believes you're not, or the eight doctors you see, whether any of them believe you, you're still in period. So I've always had a very challenging period. Um, I think a lot of people can relate, like curled up in fetal position in the floor, like during high school, like, but that's fine. It's fine. You know, you're fine, even though you're passing out. And even now, when I have my period, people be like, Are you sick? No, no, just so I a couple years ago, I went to my mother and I was like, please tell me you go through menopause early. Like, please. And she was like 55. I'm like, okay, if I have to do another 15 years of this nonsense, like I like someone's gonna lose their life, and it's probably not gonna be me, it's gonna be someone close to me. So so that should have been my first telling of like, I just want to rip it out. Um, so luckily, luckily, we did all the tests, we did all the things. I'm fine, of course. You know, everybody's fine, even though they're having extreme pain. But you're fine, you're fine. It's just a um, so all of this to come to that I've been having pelvic floor therapy, which has been a huge, huge, huge help and has changed my period. So now that it is changing again in a totally different way, like don't tell me that's not perimenopause. Like when I get when I start bleeding like a teenager on day 11 and I bleed through my pants in the middle of a meeting, like that, don't tell me that's right, nor that's not right. Don't tell me, don't tell me I'm totally fine or like zits, like I'm 13 again. Like, like so clearly there's hormones changing. Like that's what I'm like, like don't don't sit there and tell me that. Um, along with hair texture has totally changed in the last year. I don't know what's going on. My hairdresser's like, well, are you pregnant? No, no, you have to do something to be pregnant. That's not an option. So, like, like, so having all these changes, and I've gone in and I haven't really asked for any assistance yet, because I'm still trying to get a handle on it, but I'm trying to like just be more honest about it. Um, trying to be more clear with my family that, like, hey, I am feel like I'm losing my mind. It's nothing personal toward you, even though you are annoying me and it is personal right now, but it really like it's right. Like, it's not you, but it really is you, and I really need you to stop talking right now. So it same thing. I think someone mentioned in an earlier talk about just like not even brain fog, just brain stopping. Just like, no, yeah, no, we're done. So there's been a lot more of those things that then I'm like, I can't um multi- multitask if you could ever multitask before, but I can't hold the information I used to. And it's like, okay, all of these things put together, and then I heard something about like my cholesterol's always been high, and I guess menopause does something with cholesterol too. And I'm like, oh, well, then all of these decks are stacked against me. All of these things, I'm like, okay, maybe it's pair, like maybe I'm making some transitions, doctor. Maybe, maybe please listen to me. Please listen, but but at the same time, I think I'm used to not being listened to, so it's like, okay, yep, we're we're going out on our own. We're figuring it out.

SPEAKER_01 3:36

We consider them experts, right? And so you know, if if you're if you're going to someone and you consider them to be an expert, but then you're like you have this moment of like, are you an expert? Like in this, I don't know, right? Probably not. Because we know that a lot of doctors don't get educated. Don't get it at all, right? But you know, it it's frustrating then, or you know, and I think I shared this in a couple episodes too, where like they hear a set of symptoms, right? They're looking for a set of symptoms that fit in the box, then you're like, nope, it's this other thing instead, right? That was my experience, right? Right, it had nothing to do, like it it wasn't even on my radar about perimenopause. And so I was, you know, and and my doctors certainly weren't mentioning it. So I think that's the thing too.

SPEAKER_02 4:24

Like, we as I know, uh I know you've mentioned with some other guests, like the kind of narrative we got of menopause is like hormone replacement therapy and hot flashes.

SPEAKER_01 4:32

Yeah, like those are the only two things, and hormone replacement therapy, bad.

SPEAKER_02 4:36

Right, no, no, no, no, right. That's and then it's like there's all these other things, and then you just think you're crazy andor getting old and or something's very wrong, or a combination of the three. When in actuality, it is part of that transition, but like you're just made to feel crazy because you go in, you're like, something is wrong. Could we get baseline? Like, just you do want to make sure you're not growing a tumor or you're not, you know, you don't know with with some, especially when your brain just stops working, you're like, you know, mid-40s, you're like, wait a minute, something's wrong. Like I have a brain tumor or something. Not really, but I kind of thought that. I'm like, something is very, very wrong. That's not the case.

SPEAKER_00 5:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:13

And I had that same thing where in you know, we were talking about this a little bit earlier before we started recording, but the idea of the multitasking, right? Like how I used to, you know, be able to switch between tasks very quickly, very easily, you know, get back to people really quickly, be really on top of things. And I don't I can feel that I'm not that like things are not firing as quickly as they are. And that's such an interesting space to be in because you're like, okay, I guess I'm slowing down a little bit. And like it's okay to slow it, like I should have slowed down anyway. I should not have been operating in that capacity anyhow. So I'm not, I'm not lamenting that I can't work as fast as I used to, but at the same time, oof, like to notice that and go, huh. But then I get to reflect on it, right? And think, like, okay, do I I'm gonna embrace this new like I want to do one, like, you know, single tasking? It was that monotasking. I don't know what we want to say. The fact that we have to have a title for doing one thing at a time. Right. It's yeah, it's just this one, you know, can I just do this one thing, right? And or, you know, having to ask, I've been listening to a couple guests ago, Michelle had mentioned a book called The Upgrade. And so I've been listening to it, and it was really interesting because she was talking about brain, like this very specific thing and how, you know, women, you know, you you used to be able to use sort of both hemispheres of your brain at the same time, like hold both pieces of information, and now like you can't. And so it's like you can only hold a piece of information one time. So, like if someone asks you to do something, then you either need to do it or write it down because otherwise you start to think of something else, and it's like this other thing never existed. And so you might not even be able to find it later. Like, you know, that's like it's it's not like you put it down and you're like, I'll pass it later. It's like, no, you just might not remember. So her hack around that was to ask people, like if someone stopped her in a hallway at work and said, Hey, can you get me this report or whatever? She'd be like, Can you email me so it's at the top of my inbox? Right. Not so can you email me because I'm in metapod perimenopause and I won't remember, but like, can you email me so it's at the top of my inbox? And I do the same thing with my clients. I'll be like, let me write this down. I have a to-do list app. I'm like, let me funny. If I reflect back on when I started using it, it was uh during the pandemic, but it was like so it was in so five years ago. So I was probably at that point in perimenopause. When you were, right. And that's where, but for me, a lot of it was too, it's like I was working in the living room. I had I didn't want to have post-its everywhere, but I just had that too. Um, and so I have a to-do list app and I'm like, oh, let me add this to my to-do list or it won't happen, or I'll remember at 3 a.m.

SPEAKER_02 7:49

Well, at least you remember because we were talking, like I was sitting with with some ladies yesterday, and someone's like, Well, would you look that up? And I'm like, Oh yeah, look it up when I get home. And I when we finished the conversation, I was like, Let me not be that person that gets out my phone. But at the same time, and then I'm like, okay, I was like, y'all, what was I doing again? And they're like, We have no idea. So all of us totally didn't remember. Um, and as I've always had a hard time anyway, auditorially. If someone tells me what to do, like it doesn't translate, and now it's I could not suffer through it, but I could almost suffer through it. And now it's like, nope, those words just like it does, like you have to email me, you have to text me. And and funnily enough, as as part of that, as you mentioned the just not being able to do that, or did like that I will be interrupted, like I'm having a harder time. Again, a tendency from when I was younger, but it's even harder now. Like, if there's too much stimulation, like I have had to limit my life, so to speak. Like it's kind of crazy, but I've had to do this even prior to to perimenopause, so to speak. But maybe, who knows? Maybe it was part of part of the launch into it. And I don't know, a couple years ago, just even with my periods, I was like, you do not rest enough, like your body is unhappy all the time, constantly. It was and being aware of that, but now like slowing down, like I am very much known. I mean, I was always known as antisocial in the first place, but now it's become even more of a challenge, not challenge. I'm not offended by it, but at the same time, it's really annoying to keep hearing people be like, Oh, you're not socializing because you're and I was like, I could either socialize with you and lose the next week, like literally, like I can just come out and socialize with you even till 10 o'clock, but I will be gone for three days. I can't afford to sleep in my bed for three days and sacrifice work and sacrifice all the other things I have to do to keep my life functioning. Um, because I believe one of your other guests just talked about like you have to slow down more than you think, way more than you think. And it's and it's not easy. And it and I really have put like one of my co-worker of mine when she saw my Google Calendar, she's like, What's that? And it literally says no from 6 p.m. to five to eight a.m. every single day. I don't do things at night. I don't. And it is very hard and challenging to keep up relationships, particularly with those who, you know, my friends who have kids and they just have totally different schedules. And I'm like, here I am hanging out as an old lady, which I've wanted to be every year since I was eight. So like I'm embracing it totally. And I'm like, I have always wanted to be the lady who eats dinner at 4:30 and goes to bed by eight. Like it's fine for me, but I know that it is a challenge then to be in the world and meet the people I want to meet and talk to and have the relationships and have the friends. So it's just very, it's just quite the harder to be weird, even though you, even though you have no choice. You know what I mean? Like your body's like, we don't care, we're doing it anyway. But not only do you have that challenge, you have the challenge of then trying to not seem like a crazy person.

SPEAKER_00 10:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:41

To just a function in the world, because sometimes you don't want to tell the person you just met that you don't remember their name for the 18th time. Um, you don't, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 10:48

You don't want to be like, I didn't know I was like, I don't remember your name. I'm like, is it Becca? She's like, no, it's Melissa. I was like, okay, that is nowhere near the name that I thought you it's not even close. Like you used to at least be close, and now it's just like I'm pulling it from the other somewhere. I know several hours ago you told me your name and I don't remember it already. Right. I just embrace it. I'm like, I I was never great with names to begin with. I was so good with faces, yeah. I'm very good with details about people. Yes, not so much, but I will remember things about you, so it's not like I wasn't listening in a conversation. I just don't remember your name.

SPEAKER_02 11:24

That's the thing. Like, I used to be like, I know your dog, I know what the dog's problems have been, I know your kids, and I know where they went to school and what their interests are. I have no idea about your actual name though. Yeah, but I know all of those. I don't know, and I do wonder, like you're talking about that brain book. Like, I wonder if they're gonna find in the future, like that there's certain, I don't know. I I do wonder because I've always have been challenged, but now it's just like it's not even a challenge. It's like you no longer have that capacity. Game over. Just game over. I cannot pretend. I'm gonna pretend, yeah. I can even well, that's the thing. I used to, I think I used to be able to pretend and care to pretend, and now I'm just like absolutely not, don't even.

SPEAKER_01 12:00

Well, and I think that's you know, and this comes up a lot, right? The theme comes up a lot in in all these videos around like not caring as much, right? And so now they're just owning the fact that's great. I suck with names, yeah. It's great. I and I try to keep remembering, but like, you know, right? I'm always been better if I can see the person's name when I'm talking.

SPEAKER_02 12:20

Yes, I need I need the I know we hate the name tags. I also don't want to do a name tag, but like right, I can't if there's not a word with it, it's it it doesn't, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:30

That's that's a coach when I used to coach runners. I like and you know, they come in for the in the morning, like before the run. I used to like to check people in because I could see their name and then see their face, and it's like, okay, I got it. Like, yeah, right.

SPEAKER_02 12:43

Once once you give me that wording, I'm game. But if you're trying to oh, cocktail parties were always hell, yeah. Because I'm like, I don't know any of you, we are not connecting on anything I care about. And you probably don't care about it either, but we have to. So, like, we're all in this game. Why are we doing this? Can I just go home and go to bed and read book? Like it really, like and I think that's the thing. I would prefer to do that. Yeah, like I really it's nothing personal, just please let me go home and go to bed and read a book. Yeah, we'll all be happier.

SPEAKER_01 13:09

I had a people a lot yesterday, and it was it. I was tired. I was tired of home. I mean, I was tired, my legs were tired because I had a stand all day and I am a seated creature, so I'm not used to standing right used to, and I had to carry some stuff here and there. Uh, but I left a lot of the heavy lifting to people much younger than me. Uh, and uh because I'm like, I know my limits. I could lift that box, but then maybe I won't be able to go to tap dancing on Monday because now I can't move.

SPEAKER_02 13:40

That's right. Like I maybe might be able to socialize tonight and be okay, or I might now be out and then all my other things. And I just realized speaking of things like I have a fan running, which now the recording will sound better from here on out, but like I've been on meetings. But I'm like, again, now I run hot. I don't have hot flashes, but I, as someone who used to have to go to bed, like even in mid-id summer, like heated blanket, fuzzy socks, full long, heavy weighted thing. And now I'm like, I'm dying. But it's not a hot flash, just that I'm running hotter, and I'm like, oh, I should have turned that off. So I just literally I heard it, like, oh, that will make the audio sound much better. Yeah, I but yeah, but yeah, no, no peopling. Like I again, individually, I'm like, oh, this is great, but like I also know how much of a challenge it is to exist when you really are a hardcore introvert. And like in some cases, the introvert, it feels like a perimenopause. Like now, now I was an introvert who cared and tried to like extrovert as much as possible. Now I'm an introvert who's just like, I can't even, I can't even be interested in. And I was like, this is what it took. I like, why can't this happen earlier in our lives? Like, why can't the switch flip somewhere in the 30s? That way we don't spend all this time caring about stuff that doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_01 14:55

Like biology, what are you doing? I mean I need we need to have younger people watching these videos so that they know, like, hey, maybe it you could be a choice about caring less at that point. I feel like now it's not a choice, I just don't care.

SPEAKER_02 15:09

It truly, and I think that's the thing. Like, I think it was like a choice back then. So I would like try, like, let me, and I'm I'm like, oh my god, like all these women used to say, like, I used to make everybody happy, now I don't care. And I'm like, how do you bottle that? And I'm like, oh, cool, I have it now.

SPEAKER_01 15:22

Yeah, that author also talks a little bit about that in the sense of that it's it's hormonal that we care, right? Because part of the caring is that, you know, as much as I hate to say it, and I think you and I are in the same boat without kids and things like that, but yeah, this you're physiologically your body's like, I need to like, you know, be pleasant so that I could procreate, so that I could, you know, yeah the world and be seen as valuable, which is subconscious and not, you know, really you don't even know you're doing it, right? You know, paraphrasing anything that she said, but it was what I took away from it. Um, but then when you get to this age now where like that's off the table, you're like, okay, I don't care then. Like I'm gonna tell you like it is because I this isn't uh this isn't necessary for my safety survival.

SPEAKER_02 16:13

That's what I think. It's a safety survival thing. It's like once it's by like biologically, again, I wish it would happen sooner because I mean it's delightful. I love the not care. Like, I'm like, oh, what's peace you get with not giving a shit? It's great. Yeah, like again, if it could be bottled and like I don't even want to sell it, I just want to give it to every woman alive. So, like the anxiety levels that we all have could go down, even just the tiniest, tidiest bit. Yeah, it's just yeah, it it's just it's just crazy.

SPEAKER_01 16:42

The other thing that was interesting too, just like that whole idea of like not caring is like she was talking about uh and this is I think in the case she was the the same the examples were actresses, so people who make a living by their looks, right? By doing it, right? Yeah, by being and that like what how how how people get more invisible as they get older. Isn't it great? For me, it wasn't like I wasn't super visible as a as a yeah, but even though I wasn't visible, I'm even less visible now and I love every moment of yeah, it doesn't bother me. Um and and I do wonder it what made me curious was like, oh, I wonder if people who, you know, I I didn't have is fall to far or far to fall. Yeah, yeah. So because of that, it makes me wonder like the people who do have, you know, like a bigger transition, um, how they how they um might handle this transition differently, right? Same thing with like people if like I was never a tiny person. And so, you know, I you know there's so much stuff that's marketed to you know, women at this age of like, get your high school body back. I'm like, my high school body wasn't that great. So, you know, so it's like I never had I didn't fall far from where I was, right? Right. I and again, I do know a lot of people that that's been a different story, right? So it's like, and how does that struggle, you know? And and I've had friends who've been in those situations where they like struggle because they're like, Oh, I used to be really fit and whatever, and now I'm not, you know, post kids.

SPEAKER_00 18:11

Right.

SPEAKER_01 18:12

And again, I it wasn't my experience. And so it's like I've always been kind of soft, you know.

SPEAKER_02 18:17

Right. And I feel it's funny because there's people like, I want my high school, but I'm like you. I'm like, I one, you cannot pay me enough money ever to ever go backward in time, but I think that's the thing too. Like, I feel like my body is more mine now than it was then. So I'm like, I wouldn't want to go back to being thinner because then that means I'm kind of more visible and more. I'm like, I'm no, I'm not available. Like, give me the other 20 pounds, like please, how much more invisible, which isn't healthy in and of its own right. I got a cholesterol problem. Like, I even though I am I literally I got my blood work back the other day, and she was like, Healthy lifestyle choices. I'm like, I'm out of healthy lifestyle choices. I'm eating oatmeal, I'm eating seeds, I'm eating fruits and vegetables, I'm not really eating any red meat, I'm not having any sugar. I literally I can't cut out any more stress. Like, I don't see people after like I work and I go to sleep and I'm like, we're out of healthy lifestyle choices, honey. Like we've been doing this 10 years, and so now I'm gonna get something to just see how if my arteries are blocked or not, if we gotta put myself on a satin. My father had a heart attack. Father had a heart attack at 50 with a 99% blockage. That's only seven years away. My mother is now also on satin. So it's like I might have the deck stacked against me, yeah, but it's more like anyway. So I say that I don't need another 20 pounds, but now that I'm like, oh my God, I'm like 43 and I'm looking at this and we got to look for something else. And I'm like, this is are we sure this is a medical thing, or are we sure this just isn't parry? It's hard to know. Yeah, and it's hard to decide like, do we go down this route when we may or may not find that?

SPEAKER_01 19:46

It's like, do I want to go down? I don't know because I gotta be on this for the rest of my life. Like, I've I've had that conversation with longer because I did have the calcium scoring down. Did you okay? I think that's my what's next. Okay, you know, and it's only one artery, so it's like me having a heart attack in the next 10 years is really small.

SPEAKER_02 20:03

The side effects of the statin are the that's why I don't want to go on it necessarily. But if I do, if the deck is stacked again, granted, I was not my father who sat down with an Enteman's coffee cake every Sunday in the container and ate it. You know what I mean? Like I have tried very hard over my life, but at the same time, I'm like, if I if the deck is already stacked against me and all the hemp seeds and flax seeds in the world will not solve this, if I have to get on a statin, can we do it now and at the lowest?

SPEAKER_01 20:28

Like, can we can we maybe do the most minimal like the lowest possible seed, you know?

SPEAKER_02 20:34

Right. So I'm like, you know, I just I gotta weigh, I gotta weigh, but again again again when I was listening to somebody like cholesterol with perimenopause, and I was like, oh, okay. Unlike the other changes in my body, like nipples moving and all these other crazy things, like they're just growing big. I'm like, why are they big? Like they take up like like so awkward, but I know I'm like, there's no other thing it could be besides just hormones. Like those are the things where I'm like, okay, hormones, like this is this is parry. There's no other change, there's no disease that makes it larger and hang like so. It's gotta be parry. That's like so it's just those those weird things. I remember having I was going for hand uh physical therapy, and we were just the lady and I were talking, she was like, they don't warn you of these things, they don't warn you that the grays aren't just on the top of your head, they don't warn you about I remember that from Sex in the City.

SPEAKER_01 21:21

Okay, I didn't watch that. Yeah, there was an episode and Samantha because Samantha was always the old one. And yeah, where she found a gray pubic hair and flipped out. So I knew I at least knew that in my 20s, that that was see, I didn't watch that.

SPEAKER_02 21:34

So that was a conversation with me in the waiting room lady a couple months ago at the physical therapist. But like those things, and I think that's the thing too, we're all more willing to talk about it. Like when I literally said to my mother, like, how was menopause? And she's like, fine. And I'm like, but at the same time, when I when I had my first period and I had periods and I was in so much pain, she's like, I don't understand. I didn't have a problem with it. And now looking back, I'm like, Did you really not have a problem with it? Or was it just that y'all had to suck it? And deal with it anyway, just because like I do wonder, and you know, she's distance does cloud over and makes it everything not seem as bad. But when she's like, Oh yeah, menopause, like not a problem, and I'm like, Well, if my periods were awful and yours were fine, and you're saying menopause is great, and I'm like, that but that again, I'm like, Mom, I don't think it's gonna be okay, but uh, but so it's the thing I've noticed too is like how much my skin's already thinning, like my hands.

SPEAKER_01 22:25

Like, I have two cuts on my on my knuckles right now because I I you know I scraped it on something, and before I used to be like scrape my hands and nothing would happen, and now it's like, oh, I'm bleeding.

SPEAKER_02 22:34

Yeah, and it and it stays around for a while now, and it's yeah, it doesn't you don't heal as well. And it's like, is that age? Is that but it I imagine it is also part of yeah, hormonals of like back then, let's fix it so you look pretty so you can procreate. I mean, I don't I'm assuming that's how the biology works. I don't, you know, yeah, I don't think we know to be honest. My guess is probably as good as anybody else's, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:56

My favorite, my favorite lately is the random cheek hair. Oh, I've yeah, I've always had really be like just like pops right here. Yeah, and it's like it's not there one day and the next day it's like it's like long, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:09

It doesn't, I mean I've always had some coming out of here, and they've and then like I definitely have to do that. I've always had to do this because of just how pale and how dark I am. Yeah, all my hair is dark, so it doesn't really have a choice, but yeah, like they'll be here and here and here. It just and again, all of these things I can only, it's got to be hormonal. Like they're not they're not problems, there's not a growth, it's just true.

SPEAKER_01 23:30

Especially if you hadn't had it before, right? Like, I never see any sort of I mean, I always say, like, yeah, well, everybody has the thumbs up. And I have I'm I'm my I'm I'm pale and my hair's pale, so like I like I don't even know if I have arm hair. Like oh no, I got I got a downy coat here. I haven't done any of this. I don't shave my legs because I don't really get any hair on that's amazing. I get like again, one long hair and like that's it. Oh um, but yeah, like I uh I'll just notice I'm just like so. I know like that's a new thing, it's not a it's not a we've had this thing, right? Right.

SPEAKER_02 24:04

I mean, and you can tell, like all of a sudden it's so weird how you can tell, like all of a sudden you decide to touch your face for no reason and you can feel that one weird hair, and you're like, I must go get rid of that now. I mean, I started this probably like 30s, and this was always I mean, this was I got made fun of of this in school, and my my my uh leg hair is the color of this, so it doesn't really work. So but it but again, those those are the things like within your body where you're like, no, that is not a problem, that is truly just a hormonal shift and change. And yeah, again, just it's a good pair of tweezers and a great mirror, and you have a trimmer, and then it pops, oh yeah, oh, I have to do this regularly, I have to do this every couple days. And mine's not dark, but it's still like I notice it, so I get rid of it. Well, and I know, well, right, and I know, particularly working in person, like I we would like to pretend that we are a society that doesn't care. Right. We are not right. I mean, that's the thing. Like, I'd like to like I'd love to not have to trim it. I'd love to just be, but I'm like, I am aware that there will be I might be middle-aged, but people are still like ch children when it comes to that.

SPEAKER_00 25:06

So yeah, it is interesting too.

SPEAKER_01 25:09

Like, yeah, that whole and and maybe that will shift someday. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 25:13

Maybe probably not in our lifetime, but yeah, I do. But but that and again, that's why I think of like my like mother's generation, and she's like, well, menopause was fine. I'm like, was it really?

SPEAKER_00 25:22

Right.

SPEAKER_02 25:22

Or like, and I and I think too, as I'm listening to a lot, uh, you know, I mentioned we both don't don't have children, but it's like when Perry is for most people, they're like in the middle of children, in the middle of parents, in the middle of a ton of other things. So it's like, well, the world's just a disaster. So who knows if it's parry or not? Where I think without having that kind of thing to sidetrack me, I'm like, okay, it's not actually the kids drive me crazy. I know kids drive me crazy. It's not being sandwiched between the two general, you know, it's not the logistics of everybody's practice and doctor's appointment. It's just me and my partner and our parents, but like they are gratefully right now in fair health and they're we're not stressed or moving anybody or you know, dealing with any serious thing. So it's like, no, no, this is not stress related. Like, this is a hormone, this is a hormone fluctuation. And I think that's the biggest thing. Like, you're not one, you're not crazy, and two, you're probably right. Just the just the medical established isn't is hasn't figured it out yet. I mean, they couldn't figure it out for my crayons for 20 some years, nobody could help me. Everybody just said, suck it up and deal. So I think that's like you like we said, we're just so used to that being the case with our health. I mean, I think of when you told the story about trying to get your hormone train and just how the the jump again, their solution for me is birth control. And I'm like, no, always the first place they go. Why like for anything? Yeah, I feel like that's like the new Tylenol Advil is like birth control. And I'm like, why? I already told you multiple times. Like you said, I literally wrote, don't ever want to be on it again, none of them ever made me feel good. I felt awful, which definitely helps with the birth control. It means that doesn't ever happen. But like, I'm like, why? Why would I want to feel awful?

SPEAKER_01 26:59

Yeah, just no my last like my my IUD needs to come out next year, and so you know, my doctor's like, Do you do you want to be on another one? And I'm like, Why? Like, yeah, I mean, I'll need to be on progesterone because that I don't need to be on progesterone because I have the IUD, but it's like, yeah, I don't know. But then I said to her, I was like, Do I need to like we the conversation we had was like, should I start a low dose of progesterone before I get the ID? So you're yeah, it's not like a you know, yeah, she's like, Yeah, that's probably smart. And so, you know, it's like, okay, let's, you know, and let's figure that out together, right? You know, right. In a moment you realize that it's um, you know, it's literally just like a preliminary conversation. It's like, okay, that's you know, that's a good idea. Um and and I and I really like my doctor because we have that one, she's a specialist in this in this case. Yes, and also, you know, someone who can, you know, who I feel is a partner with me in my health, not a like yes, she's also an authority, but like I feel like it's a conversation about my health, you know, even with the statins, it was like that. It's like, well, you know, let's talk about your risks and let's, you know, and and obviously it's your decision. But then I I know other people who who are doctors and stuff, and they were like, Yeah, you know, like everybody has an opinion about the statins, you know. And if you're a cardiologist, you're gonna have one opinion versus if you're not a cardiologist, and you know, so right.

SPEAKER_02 28:27

I mean, that's the good thing about my current doctor. Like, she truly everything I complained about before was not her. Yeah, like she truly has been like when I when I literally look because I remember I literally went here and I was like, if I have to have a period for another 15 years, like I am like I'm out. I I am out. I'm like, what are we gonna do? Do you need to take it out? Like for real. What like I was like, I cannot, I cannot do this another 15 years 12 times. Like I and so luckily there's been some relief there. And she's you know, she's like, let's not do satin healthy lifestyle choices. So part of that was just me panicking of like, I don't, I don't want to let it get worse. So she's been very good, but I mean it's been took me 20 some years to find a doctor that that got that, and again, but she's like, okay, I don't know, you know, I'll tell you I don't know. So then the onus is sort of on you, and she's like, you know, I'm game, but then that then it's like, well, I don't know. There's all this conflicting information out there, and then I feel like I'm overdoing because women in my family were fine and didn't have any problems.

SPEAKER_01 29:24

So what's wrong with me that I've had problems for all these years, and anyway, I also feel like our environments were a little bit different, you know, like so. There's just things that are in our foods that weren't in foods before, turning chemicals everywhere and yeah, and it's like, you know, it it's it's kind of interesting to me when you see it's like, you know, oh, groups of populations having an incidence of certain cancers or something.

SPEAKER_02 29:51

It's like when you find out like, oh yeah, their water was not great when they were growing up, you know, in the area they were in, or right, or like, you know, so I know that Southern California, I just read something about um just air quality and some certain places where literally they have to go indoors and block stuff, or maybe that was a while ago. I don't know. So all these things I'm reading are blending together. But yeah, I do I do wonder with some of this, and again, we are luckily much more able to talk about this stuff versus probably my mother, or my mother would. I mean, the fact that I'm probably sharing this would horrify her to no end. Um but that's the but that's the only way that we all know we're not crazy, is because then all of a sudden, when another woman says, Hey, I have this weird thing, and then you're like, Oh, oh no, it's it's it's totally part of being a woman, and we just haven't ever known what that meant because we just had a textbook, right? We just had this textbook here, three pages. This is what's gonna happen. Whereas not understanding the whole understanding of that it is full body, and you if you just hair in your textbook, good for you. Good for you. If you and if you had a book, good for you. Mine was all videos and stuff, and you know, they don't they don't go over the hormonal, particularly. I I just had such high and I still do high highs and low lows within my cycle. And again, I what was wrong with me? Why are you why are you not okay? Why are you and it's like okay, now with Perry, they're coming back a little more. I I had kind of settled out, and now they're again like I'm in the middle of a meeting and I get up and I'm it's day 10 and I'm full-blown day one. I'm like, oh, cool, this is fun. And then it disappears the next day.

SPEAKER_01 31:23

Yeah, and they say like the hormone changes similar to like when you were in puberty, if yeah, again, not we weren't pregnant, but like if you were pregnant, and then like these are like the big times your hormones, you know, fluctuate. So it's like puberty, yeah, pregnancy and uh perimenopause.

SPEAKER_02 31:39

It's like so like I literally feel like I'm 13 again because I've destroyed every sheet set I now own, and there's no point in buying any until it's over because it it really feels like okay, here's all the clothes you wear anywhere between day 20 and day six, which again you're like only black clothing forever. Like, I I literally have bought black clothing now and I wear more black and more dark colors because I'm like, I cannot afford to keep. I'm like, this is ridiculous. Like, literally, when I I the one I was like, Oh, I'm good, I got it. I'm laying on the towel, I have the towel under me, and I have I'm wearing the sweatpants at night with the big pad, and I'm like, I'll be cool, it'll be fine. I change it right before bed. I'm like, I got it. And then I wake up and it doesn't matter, like I'm like, this is ridiculous.

SPEAKER_01 32:22

Like, you know, there I there was a there's a woman that I follow that she was saying like she was like on a plane and that happened. Yeah, and she had a like hate, like she was washing her pants at the airport in the laundry, in not the laundry, in the in the bathroom in the same like yep, no, great, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:41

And then, but and then usually like I mean, I I carry, I kind of got I was so excited I didn't have to carry stuff all the time now. It's like nope, now I have all the big pads, and now I have changes of underwear everywhere, and I'm like, this is ridiculous.

SPEAKER_01 32:52

Like, this is again, I feel like I'm carrying a backpack full of like you know, sanitized products, right?

SPEAKER_02 32:58

Yeah, like I feel like I'm 13 again. I and I I remember like even even probably this couple years ago, like I always I always have my beard on Christmas. I don't know why. And his mother has white fabric covered chairs, and it's always like day one, and I'm always trying so hard. I'm like, okay, change the pad right before because I don't move, like I'm literally sitting there like a statue. I have no energy to move, yeah, but like I don't know how it leaks within an hour. I don't want to decorate your and then like luckily I got up and he caught it quickly and he saw it and he didn't tell his mother, like he was able to get it out, but it was like, what like again? I feel like I'm in middle school, like I'm 43. Like, this is this is ridiculous, and I think that's the like, yeah, you just I truly feel like I'm a teenager again. But the best part is I don't feel like I have to make people happy, so like that's the trade-off.

SPEAKER_01 33:51

Like you're in middle school teenager, like hormone stuff happens, right? But the uh midlife don't give a crap. Don't get don't care about anything.

SPEAKER_02 34:00

It's just and that's the thing. Like, I don't care that like literally it happened when I was when I was on campus. So I'm like walking through campus totally like I had no other choice, and I'm like, whatever. I the so that was the positive thing. I really don't care, whatever, but still it was just messy, and then you gotta get home, you gotta soak it, you gotta hope it comes out, and anyway, all the all the I feel lucky because I used to have really heavy periods.

SPEAKER_01 34:23

Um then when I got in the pill, it was fine. I had to come off the pill, some bad headaches, and so between that they and they came back, and then um when I went on the IUD, then you know it's been fine. So I I'm grateful for that because for I've had three of them, and that's it just took me took me right into the sunset.

SPEAKER_02 34:43

So that's the and and that's uh like it almost feels like it's coming back with vengeance. Like I was on birth control for such a long time, I was on the patch probably most successfully, but I still was in pain with those periods, and then I got off. It was again came back with a vengeance, and then it like settled, and I'm like, cool, 26 to 29. And it was, and again with the pelvic floor therapy, like it wasn't I didn't feel like someone was hitting me in the stomach with a baseball bat regularly. Like an advil or two was fine, and now it's like, oh, by the way, game over. We're back.

SPEAKER_01 35:13

I'm back to normal, but for years, like in high school and stuff, I my cramps would be so bad I'd have to take like 800 milligrams. Yes, that that was my basic was 800.

SPEAKER_02 35:22

And then and that just dropped my stomach after a while, or at least it did which now I'm finding much digestive problems. I don't know if it's peri or if it's because I literally had to pop Advil for multiple days on that.

SPEAKER_01 35:33

I mean, I haven't done that in you know decades, and so I do feel like it's reversed itself. Um, but I did for the longest, like mostly through college and grad school, which is also then, but like then it's a stressful time and like so right.

SPEAKER_02 35:47

How do you know what it? Yeah, yeah, no, but that's I'm finding myself. Like, I still have some of the horse pills they they would start prescribing them for me just to think that they're horse pills, that's what they but yeah, but that's but now it's and it's like not even the pain, it's just the mess. I'm like, I don't remember this thing, this mess. Why do I have because the worst thing is to wake up at 3 a.m. and realize that there's blood all over your sheets, and you're like, all I want to do is go to bed, right? Go to sleep, and now I have to change the sheets. You're like, I don't want to lay it, I don't go back. I don't want to lay in it, right? You're like, I don't I have a lot of don't give a crap. That is something I do actually give a crap about. So it's like, oh, now I gotta do sheets, and I gotta change it, I'm gonna soak it because otherwise it's never gonna come out. Yeah, again, not a not not a major thing in the grand scheme of things, but again, it's just been so I just feel like a teenager. There's literally packages.

SPEAKER_01 36:31

How many do I need to own so I can swap right?

SPEAKER_02 36:35

And so now, and I literally I had two and they were perfect. I'm like, this is great. Like, well, three or four, I think two a season. And I was like, this is great, this is perfect. I change them, and now I'm like, okay, they both literally, you know where I lay on the bed, you know where my butt is on the bed because that's where the stain that I can't get out is.

SPEAKER_01 36:50

Yeah. So anyway, yeah, I mean, and it's but it is a thing, you know, like and people need to know, like, hey, yeah, it does happen.

SPEAKER_02 36:58

It may not be your experience, and it might be your experience, so right, it might be, but yeah, I mean, but mine's always you're not alone, right? Right, right. That's and that's what I think has been so great about just listening to all of these with such different perspectives, is like, oh, well, now I can that's like the cholesterol and the hair falling out, and then someone was like the rage. I'm like, yeah, I've had that rage moment where you better get out of my way or you I will destroy you, and I don't care how much I love you. Like it's been it's been very again, don't feel as crazy. You're like, oh, that's that's what actually parry and menopause is like. It's not this hot flashes and don't take hormones, right?

SPEAKER_01 37:37

Which is all I knew prior. So yeah, right. I mean, same. And that's why down the rabbit hole when they're like, You're postmenopausal. I'm like, excuse me. Right, right, right. You're like, wouldn't I have known? Okay. Apparently not. So um apparently all those little things were all things you're all things that you should right, but you don't know until after, unless you've heard, right? So so hence menopause. Yay for menopause. Um before we close out anything out, any any parting wisdom.

SPEAKER_02 38:06

Any parting wisdom. I guess what I would say is if you are before menopause or perimenopause, just know your body and your cycle because then you will know if stuff changes. I mean, I spent so many years fighting my period because it was just made me so miserable. And then maybe five, six years ago, right before perimenopause, of course, started charting my cycle and noticing the dips and when I felt good and when I felt bad. And that alone has saved me coming into this because now I'm like, oh, that's a change. That's not that's not he's annoying me, my mother's stressing me out, work stressing me out. That's an actual change. So I still do chart every day how am I feeling? What's it like? How's it going? That has helped me know. And I feel like that having that type of if you are still cycling and somewhat regularly and can pay attention to that, that will help you know whether it's just like, oh crap, it's a bigger hermetical problem, or oh, it's a hormonal shift. It'll keep you from kind of spinning out.

SPEAKER_01 39:05

And I love that you said that because it's also related to like now I can see a pattern, right? It's like, oh, yes, irritated because, and then you can go back and look and be like, oh yep.

unknown 39:15

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 39:16

Which is which is what I'm fine, like literally the the the they look exactly, and it's so funny. My mother finally said the other day, she was like, Yeah, she was like, I remember, she goes, I would always be perimetapus, not perip, uh pre, oh my gosh, we're talking about menopause, and I can't think of it. PMS right before Christmas, she was like, and I hated everybody. I hate I loved you, but I hated you. And I'm like, oh my mother, like, not that my mother didn't have feelings, but it was nice to kind of hear that she also was like miserable and hated the world right before her period because I had never noticed it. She was, you know, so it's like, oh yeah, okay, like it's normal, it's day 28. I want to kill him. Okay, my period's coming soon. It'll be fine.

SPEAKER_01 39:54

Like, it'll be fine. But yeah, at least help you go, okay, it's not me. It is like something I can't control, right? Be aware of it and then go, okay, sort of ease, ease into the fact of like, oh, all right, this is just how it is right now for the next two days or whatever.

SPEAKER_02 40:12

Yeah, and I think that's the thing because otherwise you're like I used to make myself wrong, like, fix this, fix this. It's like, no, you're not gonna fix it. So just accept the fact that the world is awful. Well, I mean, in general, but like for a couple days, and then it will be better. It will be better. What is the thing? The only thing that you can rely on is things changing or something, like it will change, but then you can see those moods, and then that's how I've noticed it's gotta be Perry because some of them are getting very, very weird. And I'm like, I'm like powering through like PMS is like great now, and like the things that I used to like hate, I'm now like it's very, very different. So I'm like, yep, this is what's happening.

SPEAKER_01 40:48

In the book, The Upgrade, she talks about that too. Like her husband was actually tracking Maiden Excel. Ah, he's more analytical, and he and she would complain about like a relationship, like a friendship, or like yes, at a certain time. And then he would be like, he'd look and he'd be like, Are you sure that that's actually happening? And she said at first she was kind of mad at him, kind of like, I would be too though. Yeah, but then she's like, Oh, I actually appreciate that. He's like super analytical and like helped me see that like there was this pattern here. Right.

SPEAKER_02 41:18

That that it's like you're gonna complain about the same thing every month. Yeah, at this time. Yeah. At this time in three days, it will not even matter. You will be asked about it and you'll be like, What are you talking about? Who cares? Right. But I think that's the thing, because I think we can get so on our heads and think, oh god, there's something wrong with me. We don't feel good, we don't, whatever. But the answer is we you just have to roll with it. And but once you know it, it's easier to roll with it once you know you're like, oh, I'm just and then you can go to bed early. I don't know. I'm like, oh, excuse, I don't feel good and go to bed early. Bye. See you in the morning. Maybe it'll be better morning, maybe not. If not, I'll go to bed early again.

SPEAKER_01 41:49

So thank you, Harry. Thank you for you, go to bed.

SPEAKER_02 41:53

Right. No people go to bed. No that that is the solution. No people go to bed. That really does solve most problems when you think about it.

SPEAKER_01 42:01

So I really appreciate you being on uh sharing your your story and everything that's going on for you. Um, so thank you uh for watching. If you'd like to be a guest, uh please feel free to reach out. I'd love to have you. Uh otherwise, thank you for listening, watching, and we will see you again next time. Thank you.