Action Wednesday: "Setting Boundaries Around Your Past"

Monday, we talked about weaponization. Today, we do the work. Your past has been weaponized against you. Maybe by a partner. Maybe by family. Maybe by social media. Today, you identify WHERE and you SET BOUNDARIES. Because you don't owe anyone your past as a weapon against yourself. In this action-packed episode, Nyomi takes you through 5 powerful exercises:

1. Weaponization Inventory - Identify where it's happening
2. Truth Reframe - Flip their weapons into YOUR power statements
3. Boundary Setting - Create one clear boundary statement you can USE
4. Protection Plan - Your step-by-step response (pause, recognize, state, enforce)
5. Release Ritual - Physically destroy the power those weapons had over you

By the end, you'll have:

• Clear boundaries written down
• Counter-statements memorized
• A protection plan ready
• Freedom from their words

Your past is YOURS. Not theirs. Enforce it.
Connect & share your boundary statement: @TheRealNyomiBanks
#SettingBoundaries #ProtectionPlan #YourPastIsYours #BoundariesAreSelfLove #UnderestimatedAndUnstoppable

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Transcript

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Monday we talked about when people weaponize your past against you. We talked about how it's about their limitation and not your worth. But today we do the work. Today we identify where your past has been weaponized and we set boundaries around it. Because you don't owe anyone your past as a weapon against you. So let's do the work. Welcome to the Season of Sub Love Podcast. I am your host, Naomi Banks, and I am so glad that you are here. As we continue to transform in life, so does this podcast. In season five, we're moving differently. More intentional. More action. Less learning. More doing. Less waiting and more living. This is a space where we don't just talk about self-love. We practice it. We don't just discuss transformation. We live it. Every episode is an invitation to do the work with me. Not just listen to me talk about it. This podcast is brought to you by Ask Naomi and Elevate Me Self-Discovery. We believe that loving yourself intentionally is a foundation of true transformation. So get ready. Now let's get started. Alright, my beautiful people. So before we dive into the exercises, we're going to ground ourselves with the 60-second guided meditation. You know, today we are building. We are building our protection. We are creating boundaries around our past. So wherever you are right now, wherever you are right now, I want you to close your eyes if you can and get comfortable. I want you to take a deep breath in through your nose. Now exhale slowly. I want you to visualize a shield around you. Protect the barrier. This shield protects your present from the world your past. Inhale. Exhale. And I want you to say, My past is mine, not theirs. Inhale. Exhale. I set boundaries around what they can say. What they can use. And what they can weaponize. Inhale. Exhale. Say, I protect my present. I protect my future. And I protect my becoming. Now one more breath in. Release. And when you are ready, gently open your eyes. And let's begin. Alright, my beautiful people. If you are new here to the season of Stuffler Podcast, it's something we do every episode just to help ground us before we get in topic of Hannah, right? Alright, so let's recap on Monday. Monday we talked about the three ways that people can recognize your past, right? They're stuck. One is they're stuck because they can't see your growth, because they're stuck in where you were. And then two, the need for you to stay small, need for you to feel unworthy so they can control you. And three, that they can't compete, that they are threatened by who they who you are becoming. And what we learned, we're learned that that's about their limitation and not your worth. So today we're going to identify where is happening and how to set boundaries. All right. All right, so let's do exercise one. Excuse me, let me get comfortable. We're going to call this the weaponization inventory. So first we need to identify where your past has been weaponized against you. So I want you to grab your journals. And today we're going to be honest. So step one is to list the incidents. List the incidents. Write down the Pacific times when someone has weaponized your past against you. And I want you to filter it. So write down when someone brought up your past with that situation during an argument. I want you to write down when someone used a person used your past choice to justify them mistreating you. I want you to write down when someone reminded you of your past to humble you. Or also when social media or family or friends brought up your past to disminites you. I want you to write it down. At least three to five incidents. How many incidences was? I want you to write it down, all right? And I'll wait. Now step two. It's about identifying your pattern. So I want you to look at your list. And do you see a pattern? Do you see your pattern? Who is weaponizing your past the most? Is it your partner? Is it an ex? Is it a family member? Is it friends? Or is it strangers online? Who is it? Who is weaponizing your past the most? And then the next is when do they weaponize it? Do they weaponize it during the arguments? When you're succeeding in life, or when you set boundaries? When do they weaponize it? And then why do they weaponize it? To control you, to diminish you, to justify the mistreatment, or is it to humble you? I want you to write it down. Write down the patterns that you see. And then step three. Name their limitation. For each incident, I want you to ask yourself, is this about me or is this about them? I want you to go back to Monday's conversation that we had. Are they stuck? Can't they they can't see past your your past? And do they need you small because they are threatened by your growth? Or can they not compete? Are they intimidated by who you are becoming? For each incident, I want you to write it down. Because this is about their limitation. Remember, it's about their limitation and not your worth. So I'm gonna give you an example. When a family member of mine had brought up my past during an argument, that was about their need to keep me small. It wasn't about my worth, it was about their need to keep me small. Okay, now we're gonna go to exercise two, the truth reframe. Now we're going to reframe what happened using the truth. All right. So step one, their weapon versus your truth. So for for each incident, I want you to write two columns, write two columns. One column will be their weapon or what they said or did, and then column two will be your truth, the actual truth about you now. So for example, their weapon, their truth, all right. You were a sex worker, you don't deserve respect. That's their truth. That's their truth. All right. Now, my truth, I'm giving you an example. I am a coach, a mother, a business owner, a healer, and I deserve respect now. All right, all right, their column. Remember where you came from. That's to humble you. All right. My truth. I remember where I came from. That's why I know how far I've grown. And here's another one. You've made bad choices. That's theirs, that's their weapon. But here's your truth. I made choices to survive, and I'm still here. That's power. So do do this for those at least three of those incidents. Three, at least three of those, those incidents that you write wrote down, do that. All right. Now, the next step is I want you to write your your counterstatement to it. So what you would say. So for each weapon, I want you to write down what you wish you had said, or what you would say the next time. So I'm just gonna give you a quick example. All right, their weapon. I'm gonna use myself. You were in an adult industry, you don't get to have standards now. And if I could tell you how many times that I seen that in the messages or comments, all of that. And the counter is I am not that person anymore. I am who I am now, and I have every right to have standards. See, their weapon is to remember your past when you get too confident, you get too cocky, or you get too sure of yourself. But then your counter is my past is exactly why I am confident because I survived, I transformed, and I'm unstoppable. Here's their weapon. You can't judge me with your past. And your counter is my past doesn't disqualify me from having boundaries. If anything, it's taught me exactly what I won't tolerate. So I want you to write those counterstatements and say them out loud. I want you to fill them with power, feel the power in all of them. Exercise three is setting boundaries around your past. Now we're going to set actual boundaries. So, step one, I want you to decide what's off limits. Decide what's off limits. Your past is yours, and you decide what's off limits for you. So I want you to complete these sentences. My past is not up for debate with whoever the person is. My past is not up for debate. The next one. I would not allow whoever the person is to bring up whatever the situation is anymore. And if someone weaponizes my past, this is the next one. If someone weaponize my past, I will and give the action, the specific action that you would do. So for example, my past is not up for debate with my partner. I will not allow my ex to bring up my adult industry past during arguments anymore. If someone weaponized my past on social media, I will block them immediately. All right, the next step is to write your boundary statement. Create one clear boundary statement that you can use when someone weaponized your past. Like for instance, I'm not discussing my past with you. So if you can't see who I am now, that's this is a conversation is over. Another one, my past is not your business. Moving forward, that's this topic is off limit. Oh, I'm not that person anymore. If you can't accept that, then we can't continue with this relationship. Or every time you bring up my past, you're telling me that you can't see my present. And that's a problem, that's not my problem to fix. So write down your boundary statement. I don't want you to practice and say those out loud. Step three. Decide, decide the consequence. A boundary without consequence is just a suggestion. And we can't have that. So it's like, what would you do if someone crosses this boundary? Would you end the conversation immediately? Would you leave the room, the situation? Would you block them on social media? Would you end the relationship or would you create distance? So for each person who has weaponized your past, I want you to write this. If blank brings up, let's say Sarah, if Sarah brings up my past to diminish me, I will stop talking to her. Or end this relationship. If my partner brings up my past during an argument, I will leave the room and tell them we cannot continue this conversation. When you're ready to address the present issue, I will be back. And exercise four is the protection plan. Now we're going to create a plan when, when, when, not if, when someone weaponize your past again, because they're going to. I want you to, your immediate response to be when someone weaponize your past, you will one, you will pause, don't react emotionally, and I want you to take a breath. And then I want you to recognize. Where they need you to be small, because they can compete, not me. Then I want you to state three. I want you to state, use your boundary statement. And then the last one, I want you to enforce. So I want you to follow through with your consequence. Write this down as your step-by-step response plan. All right, in step two. Now, after someone weaponizes your past, what would you tell yourself? This is your self-talk to yourself. After someone weaponizes your past, what would you tell yourself? Write at least three to five affirmations that you'll use for your self-talk to yourself. This is about their limitation, not my worth. I am not who I was. I am who I am now. Their words don't change my truth. I don't owe them my past as a weapon against myself. I am worthy of respect regardless of my past. And step three, your support system. Your support system. Who can you talk to when someone recognizes you? Who can you talk to when someone recognizes your past? Who will remind you of your truth and not their weapon? I want you to write down two or three people in your support system who know your journey, who see you who you are now, who won't judge you, and who will remind you of your truth and of your worth. These are the people you call after someone weaponizes your past. And our next exercise, exercise five. It's a release ritual. Yeah, I know how I like to do rituals, right? All right, now we're going to release the power that those weapons had over you. Step one, I want you to write it down. Write it down on a separate piece of paper. Write down every weapon that's been used against you, every past situation that they brought up, and every time that they tried to disminister you with it. Write it all down. Write them down. And then I want you to read them out loud. Read that list out loud. And after each one, I want you to say this. This was about their limitation and not my worth. This was about their limitation and not my worth. And step three, destroy him. Now I want you to destroy that paper. I want you to tear it up, burn it safely, shred it. I want you to physically destroy the power that those weapons had. And as you destroy it, I want you to say, I release the power of these weapons that they had over me. My past is mine, not theirs. I am reclaimed, I am unashamed, and I am protected. All right, so your commitment for this week, your commitment for this week is to one, identify where my past has been weaponized. The inventory. Next, two, reframing, reframing their weapons with my truth, with your truth, your truth reframe. Three, setting clear boundaries around your past. Four, creating a protection plan, immediate response, and self talk, and then support. Five is Releasing the power of those weapons had on you. That's the release ritual. And six is enforcing. Enforcing your boundaries as someone weaponizes your past this week. Say it. Write it. Make it real. And if y'all want me as your accountability partner, you know what to do. DM me on Instagram on the Season of Self-Love Podcast. And tell me your boundary statement, your one truth reframe that was felt very powerful to you, and how to release, how the release ritual felt for you. Or if you have an accountability partner, you can tell them. Your present is protected from those weapons. Power. You decide what's off limits, not them. You're no longer carrying the weight of their words. That's peace and then freedom. Your past is yours and not theirs to weaponize. All right. That's the work. That's the power, my beautiful people. All right, y'all. So here's the closing affirmations for today. And I want y'all to repeat after me. My past is mine, not theirs. I set boundaries around what they can say, what they can use, and what they can weaponize. I protect my present, I protect my future, I protect my becoming. When they weaponize my past, I recognize it's about them, not me. I state my boundary, I enforce my consequence. I am protected, I am powerful, I am free, I am reclaimed, I am unashamed, and I am unstoppable. All right, my beautiful people. So you did, we just did some powerful work today. I hope that y'all got it down. If not, y'all know to rewind it. Go back and listen to it all over again because you have identified where your past has been weaponized. You've reframed their weapons with your truth, and you set boundaries. You set boundaries, you created protection. Yes. This is what taking power back looks like. This is what taking your power back looks like. So on next Monday, we're going even deeper. We're going even deeper. We're talking about reframing the word underestimated as your protection. As your protection. But this week, this week is about enforcing those boundaries. It's about protecting your present. It's about releasing the power of those weapons that they had on you. So until next time, it is your girl the goddess Naomi Banks here reminding you, reminding you that your past, yours, not theirs. I want you to set the boundaries. I want you to end it up and force it, and I want you to protect yourself. I want you to be good to one another and yourselves and always keep it sexy. I want you to have a good one. Remember. Check out our YouTube page. I already have an amazing, amazing Wednesday.

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Have a good one.

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The season of self-love is brought to you by Ask Naomi and Elevate Me Self Discovery. Don't just listen. Do the work, transform your life. For more, visit asknaomi.com or follow us on Instagram at the Season of Self Love Podcast.