Removing the Qualifiers: The Work of Direct Communication (Action Wednesday)

What if you removed just ONE phrase from your vocabulary this week? What if you spoke directly, clearly, unapologetically—just once?

In this Action Wednesday episode, Nyomi walks you through practical exercises to identify YOUR specific qualifiers, swap them for direct language, and commit to one conversation this week without softening your message.
This isn't theory. This is practice. Bring your journal and get ready to do the work.

In This Episode:**
- Exercise 1: Your Qualifier Inventory (4 categories: Apology, Uncertainty, Minimizing, Hedging)
- Exercise 2: The Swap - Before and After (5 common scenarios with direct alternatives)
- Exercise 3: Your Real-World Scenarios (practicing with YOUR actual conversations)
- Why removing qualifiers feels uncomfortable (and why to do it anyway)
- The One Conversation Challenge (your bold action for the week)
- Real examples from Nyomi's production week
- What success actually looks like (hint: it's not perfection)
**
The 4 Types of Qualifiers:**
1. **Apology Qualifiers:** "I'm sorry, but..." "Sorry to bother you..."
2. **Uncertainty Qualifiers:** "I might be wrong, but..." "This might be dumb, but..."
3. **Minimizing Qualifiers:** "Just wondering..." "It's just a thought..."
4. **Hedging Qualifiers:** "Kind of..." "Maybe..." "Perhaps..."
**Before and After Examples:**
- ❌ "Sorry to interrupt, but I was just wondering if maybe..."
- ✅ "I have a question about..."
- ❌ "This might be dumb, but what if we sort of tried..."
- ✅ "I have an idea. What if we [specific idea]?"

• ❌ "I'm so sorry, and I know you're busy, but maybe I can't make it?"
• - ✅ "I need to cancel tonight. Can we reschedule?"

**Your Bold Action:**
Choose ONE conversation this week. Have it without qualifiers. That's it.
**Prepare for it:**
1. Write the direct version
2. Practice it out loud
3. Take 3 deep breaths before
4. Speak directly during
5. Journal after
**Share Your Commitment:**
Instagram: Tag or DM @TheSeasonofSelfLovepodcast with "This week, I'm having [conversation] without qualifiers"

**Next Episode:** Mindset Monday - Week 3: Unashamed Joy (Pleasure Without Guilt)
**Connect with Nyomi:**
- Website: AskNyomi.com
- Instagram: @AskNyomi @TheSeasonofselflovepodcast
- Tune in: Ask Nyomi Bridging the Gap - Thursdays
**Episode Hashtags:** #ActionWednesday #SeasonOfSelfLove #UnashamedVoice #DirectCommunication #RemoveQualifiers #SpeakClearly #NoApologies #ConfidentCommunication

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"Thank you for spending this time with me on The Season of Self Love. Remember, self-love isn't selfish – it's sacred. You are worthy of the love you so freely give to others.

If today's episode resonated with you, share it with someone who needs this reminder. And don't forget to rate and review the show – it helps us reach more beautiful souls.

Connect with me on Instagram @TheRealNyomiBanks and @TheSeasonofSelfLovePodcast
visit theseasonofselflovecom for resources and our downloadable workbook.

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Until Monday – keep choosing YOU.
This is your girl, the goddess Nyomi Banks. Stay in your season."

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

What if you remove just one phrase from your vocabulary this week? One qualifier, one apology, one I'm sorry, but what if you spoke directly, clearly, unapologetically, just once? What would change? For this action Wednesday. And today we're removing the qualifiers. We're practicing direct communication. We are speaking without softening. So let's do the work. Hey my beautiful people. Welcome back to the Season of Suffolk Podcast. It's your girldy God, it's not me banks. And I am so glad that you are here with me on this action Wednesday. And y'all, I am going to be honest. I am still recovering from being awake for over 24 hours on Monday and work in production. I've had an amazing time on set. We still have another four days to go. And I'm using my voice every single day. Direct, clear, and without softening. And that's what we're doing today. We're taking Monday's lesson and we're putting it into practice. We are identifying the qualifiers you use. We're replacing them with direct, powerful language. And we're committing to one bold action this week, having one conversation without qualifiers. So I want you to grab your journals. I want you to get your pens ready because we are about to do the work. So let me welcome you properly to the show. Welcome to the Season of Self-Love Podcast, the season of healing intentionally. I am your host, Naomi Banks, and I am so glad that you are here. This season we are slowing down to go deeper. Every Monday and Wednesday, we're creating a space of intentional healing, authentic conversations, and the kind of self-love that transform from the inside out. This podcast is brought to you by Axe Naomi and Elevate Me Self-Discovery, where we believe that loving yourself intentionally is the foundation of true transformation. So whether you're on your own journey of rebirth, navigating life transitions, or simply choosing yourself, this is your safe space. So get comfy, grab your favorite beverage, and let's heal together intentionally because you deserve to embrace that beautiful person that you are. Now let's get started. And I want you to place your hand on your throat. And I want you to get comfortable, all right? Alright, my beautiful souls, wherever you are or whatever you're doing, I want you to just pause with me for a moment. I want you to put both feet on the floor, and I want you to place one hand on your throat on your center. Now take a deep breath in. And slowly release through your mouth and make a gentle ah sound. And I want you to feel the vibration. Ah. Now I want you to say quietly to yourself. I want you to repeat after me. I speak clearly. Now inhale and exhale. Now say quietly to yourself. I release. I'm sorry. I release just. I release maybe. I release every word that weakens my message. I speak with clarity. I speak with power. I speak with truth. Now one more breath in and release. Now say, my voice is direct, my voice is clear, my voice is unashamed. And when you are ready, gently open your eyes and grab your journal. And let's begin. All right, my beautiful people. If you are new here to this Isn't this of love podcast, this is something we do every episode. It's just to help ground ourselves before we get into the topic again. All right, my beautiful people. So let me quickly recap on Monday's episode. So on Monday, I share with you that I've been awake for, you know, over 24 hours getting production ready. And in the middle of that exhaustion, I had a choice. I had a choice to either let frustration take over or to choose my future self. I told you about Joe Dispensa's concept of quantum leap and seeing your future self on the stake, or seeing my future self on the stage and speaking powerfully, unapologetically, and how I use that vision to fuel me through that exhaustion. And I also told you about creating a four agreements book for my production team and using my voice to set the tone and lead to create the culture, right? And I told you about the qualifiers that we use to weaken our message. You know, certain things like I'm sorry, but and this might be dumb, but and I'm just wondering if, and I could be wrong, but and also maybe I'm overthinking. You see, every time we use these phrases, we're telling the world and ourselves that our voice doesn't matter as much as everyone else's. So today we are removing, we are removing those qualifiers and we are practicing direct communication. We're speaking without softening. So y'all ready to do the work? Well, let's do the work. All right. So the first exercise that we are going to do is to um identify your specific qualifiers because everyone has their favorites, everyone has their phrases, their defaults that when they're nervous, when they're unsure, or when they're trying to soften their message, right? So what I want you to do is I want you to grab your journals and I want you to write down these categories. And I want you to be honest with yourself. Okay. All right, so category one is my apology qualifiers. That's our category one. These are the phrases where you apologize for speaking. So I want you to write down any of these that you use. Okay, do you use I'm sorry, but or do you use sorry to bother you but? Or apologies if this is, or maybe this one. Sorry for the long message, or sorry to interrupt. Do you use any of these? And if so, which ones? And write them down. All right, so let's go to category two. And these are uncertainties qualifiers. These are the phrases where you question your own knowledge or judgment. I want you to write these down. Any if any of these that you use, I might be wrong, but yeah, that's one. Or I could be overthinking, but maybe I'm missing something, but oh, here's another one. I don't know if this makes sense, but this might be dumb, but now which one do you use? I want you to write that down. And I want to be honest, you know what one that I I I used to use, I usually use is I don't know if this makes sense, but yeah. All right, now category three, minimizing qualifiers. Now, these are the phrases where you make your message smaller, less important. So I want you to write down any of these that you use. Just a quick question. Or is just a thought, but I was thinking only if you have time, but which one resonates with you? And I want you to write them down. All right, our next category is category four, and that's hedging qualifiers. And these are phrases where you leave yourself and out, where you soften your position. And I want you to write down any of these that you use that you use, all right? Kind of, that's one. Kind of, or sort of. I think maybe, possibly, or perhaps we could consider. And I want you to be honest on which one that you use and write them down. Now, the next thing that I want you to do, I want you to look at the list and really look at it, you know, because these are the words that are weakening your voice. These are the phrases that are telling people, including yourself, that your message doesn't matter as much as it should. This is your qualified inventory. So now what we're gonna do, we're going to swap them out. So now we're gonna do exercise number two. What we're gonna do now is we're gonna do a before and after. We're gonna we're gonna go to practice replacing the qualifiers with direct language language. And this is the swap. So I'm going to give you common sceneries, and I want you to write them down, both versions, the qualifier version and the direct version. And scenery one and asking a question. So this you're gonna be asking a question in a meeting, all right? And here's the qualifying version, all right. Sorry to interrupt, but I was just wondering if maybe you can possibly um consider a different approach that I might be wrong, but that was a whole lot of, right? And here's the direct version. All right, write it down. How would you say this without qualifiers? All right, the direct version, and I'm gonna pause for a second. All right, so here's my version. I have a question about our approach. What if we tried, and then give a pacific alternative of what you want from them? All right, and I want you to see the difference because there's no apology, no just, no maybe, it's just a clear and direct, confident question. I have a question about our approach. What if I try to do A, B, C, and D? All right, here's the next scenery setting a boundary with a friend, which can sometimes be very hard because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings. All right. Here's the qualifying version. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, and I know this is probably really inconvenient, but I was thinking that maybe I can't make it tonight. I feel really bad about it, but and this is gonna be the direct version, and I want you to write it down, and then I also want you to um write down how would you say this without the qualifiers. So I'm I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna pause for a moment, and I'm gonna let you go ahead and write, and then I'm gonna give you my version. All right, so here's mine. I need to cancel tonight. I'm not able to make it. Can we reschedule? No excessive apology, no maybe, no guilt trip, just the fact, respectfully and clear. And then here's scenery three, sharing an idea at work. Now, with the qualifying version, it'll sound like this. This might be dumb, and I could be totally wrong, but I was just thinking that perhaps we could sort of try something different, only if it makes sense. Right? Right? So here's a direct version, and I would like for you um to write it down where you think you want to do it, all right? So here's my version. I have an idea. I have an idea. What if we open the new building over at 175th Street that's right across from A, B, C, and D. I'm just giving you something. And here's why I think that it could work. No hedging, it's just an idea presented clearly with confidence, and then scenery number four, asking for what you need in a qualified version. Well, I'm so sorry to ask. I I know you're probably really busy, but I was, you know, but I was just wondering if maybe you might have time to help me with something only if it's not too much of a problem. Yeah. So write down your direct version of that. Here's my version. I need help with I need help with this project. Do you have 20 minutes this week? No apologies for needing help, no minimizing, just a request, clear, pacific, and very respectful. Seniory number five, expressing your concern. The qualifier version is I do, I don't know if I'm overthinking this, but I kind of feel like maybe there's possibly an issue with this plan. I can be wrong, but now I want you to write your direct version down of what you think it should be. And here's my I have a concern about this plan. Here's what I'm seeing, and here's why it matters. No hedging, no self-doubt, just the concern, stating clearly and with reason. Now look how I just swapped that around. Look at the difference between a qualifying version and the direct version. The direct version was shorter, it was clearer, it was stronger, it sounds more confident, it sounds more trustworthy, it sounds more like someone who knows what they're talking about. That's the power with removing qualifiers. And I'm gonna be honest, to some people it might sound rude, but it's not. It's very direct, it's very a matter of fact. All right, so now that we we're going to make this person, all right, we're going to practice with your actual situation. So I want you to think about three conversations you need to have this week. Three real situations where you need to use your voice. Maybe it's that work, a work conversation, maybe it's a boundary with a family member or asking someone you need that you need something, or maybe it's just expressing your concern. But I want you to write down those three real sceneries, and I'll pause for a moment. And now for each scenery, I want you to write down two versions. I want you to write down for version one, how would you normally say it? And that's with your qualifiers if you do. And I want you to be honest, I want you to write it the way it will probably come out of your mouth right now, with all of the I'm sorry, but and just wondering if and maybe. Now I want you to rewrite what you did with that. I want you to remove the qualifiers and say it directly, clearly, and powerfully. Then I want you to read both versions out loud. Seriously. I want you to say them out loud and I want you to hear the difference. Which version sounds more confident? Which version sounds more trustworthy? Which version sounds like someone who knows what they're talking about? All right, the direct version. I believe every time. And why this is hard to address the resistance. So let me say this because I know that it's hard, and I know that you're thinking, Naomi, this feels very uncomfortable, it feels rude, it feels too direct. And I hear you because we've been again, we've been conditioned to believe that softening our message is being polite, that apologizing for speaking is being considerate, that using qualifiers is being humble. But here's the truth softening your message doesn't make you more polite, it makes you less clear. And apologizing for speaking doesn't make you more considerate. At times it makes you less confident. Using qualifiers doesn't make you more humble. At times it makes you less trustworthy. Because when you constantly question yourself, when you constantly minimize your message, when you constantly apologize for speaking, people start to question you too. And then they start wondering: does she really know what she's talking about? Is this the idea really important? Should I take this seriously? But when you speak directly, clearly, confidently, without qualifiers, people do listen. People do trust you. People take you seriously. And here's the thing: you're not being rude, you are being clear. And you're not being aggressive, you're being direct. You're not being arrogant, you're being confident. There's a difference, and that difference matters. All right. So I have a challenge for you. I want you to take a bold action this week. I want you to choose one conversation, one real conversation that you're going to have this week. And I want you to commit to having that conversation without qualifiers. Just one. Not every conversation, not all day, every day, just one. I want you to choose the scenery you wrote down one of them. I want you to choose one of the matters that matters to you the most, the one that's been on your mind, and the one that you've been avoiding or softening. And I want you to commit to it this week. I want you to say, this week I will have this conversation without qualifiers. That is what I want you to commit to. I want you to write it down and be pacific. On such and such a day and such and such a time, I will have this conversation without using qualifiers. Example, on Thursday during our team meeting, I will share my idea without using. This might be dumb, but, or I could be wrong, but. Got it? You understand? Write it down. All right, now here's what I want you to do before that conversation happens. Step one, I want you to write out what you're going to say. And I want you to use the swap exercise that we did earlier. I want you to write the direct version. Then in step two, I want you to practice it out loud in the mirror. You know how I love the mirror. I want you to practice out loud in the mirror or in the car, wherever. And I want you to say it multiple times until it feels natural for you. And in step three, right before that conversation, I want you to take three deep breaths. Put your hand on your throat. Remind yourself my voice is clear. My voice is direct. My voice is unashamed. And then step four, I want you to have that conversation. I want you to speak directly. And then I want you to catch yourself if a qualifier tries to sleep in. Pause. Rephrase. And then next, step five. After that conversation, I want you to journal it. How did it feel? How did they respond? And what shifted? And I want you to be honest. This is the work. This is how you change. This is how you grow your unashamed voice. All right. So let me give you some real examples from my production this week. Because I've been using my voice directly without softening. And I I want to see, uh, I want you to see what that looks like. So giving directions to my crew. All right. Qualifier version. Oh me. I'm sorry. I know you're busy, but I was just wondering if maybe we can possibly try this shot a different way. Uh I could be wrong, but the direct version. All right. Let's try this shot from this angle. Here's why. This shot right here looks really good from this angle. So let's do it. Clear, direct, confident in leadership. Or asking for what I need. Here's my qualifying verse. Sorry to bother you, but I was just thinking that maybe we might need some extra time for this scene, only if it's not too much trouble. Direct version. We're gonna need 30 more minutes for this scene. And here's what we accomplished with it, with that time. I really want this scene to move. No apology, no hedging. Just the need and the reason. And then addressing a concern. Oh, virgin. I don't know if I'm overthinking, but I I kind of feel like maybe there might be an issue with the lightning. I I could be wrong. Indirect. I have a concern about the lighting. Here's what I'm seeing. So I think we I know. Let's adjust it. Now you see how I just corrected myself because I was getting ready to say, I think no, let's adjust it. So y'all just heard me correct myself in real time. No self-doubt, no minimizing, just a concern with solution. And you know what happened? My crew responded with respect, with trust. Because when I speak directly to them, they know exactly what I need. They know that I'm confident in the vision, and they know that they can trust my leadership. That's what direct communication does. It creates clarity, it builds trust, and it commands respect. Now, just like last week, we need accountability. So I want you to share your commitment and tell someone. Either you can DM me or tag me on Instagram at the Season of Self-Love Podcast. You could tell me this week I'm having, you know, give a conversation without qualifiers. Or you can tell an accountability partner, text them right now this week. I'm committing to one conversation without qualifiers. And here's the conversation. And give it the Pacific, whatever the conversation is. And do it right now. I want you to make it real and make it public. Now, what I want you to do is I want you to set an expectation for what success looks like for you. Because I don't want you to just think that you have to be perfect. No. Success doesn't mean that you never slip up. You just heard me, you just heard me do it in real time. Success doesn't mean that you magically remove all of the qualifiers forever. Success means you notice it. You catch yourself, you pause, you rephrase. Success means that you have one conversation this week without qualifiers, just one. Success means that you are aware of your language. You're intentional about your words. You're practicing direct communication. You know what that is? That's growth. That's an unashamed voice. That's what we're building. That is what we're building. All right, my beautiful people. Before we close out, I want to leave you with an affirmation for this week, all right? I want you to repeat this with me out loud if you can. I speak directly and clearly. I do not apologize for using my voice. I do not minimize my message. I do not question my own knowledge. My voice is powerful exactly as it is. I am clear, I am direct, and I am unashamed. Beautiful, beautiful. All right, my beautiful people. This is the work. This is how you develop an unashamed voice. You identify your qualifiers, you swap them for direct language, you practice, you commit to one conversation, and you do it. I'm gonna tell you this, it's not gonna feel real at first. It's going to feel real uncomfortable. You might feel like you're being too direct, you're being too bold, you're being too much, but you're not. You're just being clear. You're just being confident. You're just being heard. So this week, do the exercise. Choose one conversation, prepare for it, practice it, and then have it without qualifiers. And then come back next Monday. Tell me how it went. Because next week, we're moving to week three, unashamed joy. We're talking about the pleasure without guilt, joy without justification, joy without justification. So, my beautiful people, if this episode has helped you, I want you to share with someone who needs to stop apologizing for their voice and leave a review. And please, DM me on Instagram and tell me what that conversation that you're committing to this week. I want to celebrate with you. So, until next Mindset Monday, this is your girl, the goddess Mami Banks here, reminding you to be good to one another in yourselves and always keep it sexy. Love yourself first so you can love others well. Amazing, amazing name. Thank you so much for joining me today on this journey of intentional healing. I hope that this conversation has filled your cup and reminded you of the beautiful and worthy person that you are. I want you to remember, healing isn't about rushing, it's about showing up for yourself with love and intention one day at a time. So I'll see you back here Monday and Wednesday for another episode of The Season of Healing Intentionally. Right here on the Season of Self Love Podcast. So until then, keep choosing you. And visit us at the Season of Self Love Podcast.com. Let's show notes and resources and remember to connect with me on history at the real Naomi Max. This has been brought to you by Alex Naomi and Elevate Me Self Discovery. Because you're a healing matter. You are love. You are worthy. And you are exactly where you need to be. Take care.