Unashamed Voice: Speaking Without Softening Your Truth

 Nyomi has been awake for 24 hours getting production ready. She's exhausted. She could skip this episode. But instead, she shows up—because using your voice even when it's hard IS the lesson.

 In this raw, honest Mindset Monday, Nyomi shares how she learned to catch herself softening her voice with qualifiers like "I'm sorry, but..." and "This might be dumb, but..." She talks about creating a Four Agreements book for her production team, Joe Dispenza's quantum leap concept, and why your voice doesn't need to be softened to be valid. Week 2 is about Unashamed Voice—speaking without apologizing, without qualifying, without shrinking. This is growth.

In This Episode:

• Why Nyomi is recording after 24 hours awake (the lesson IS showing up)
• Joe Dispenza's quantum leap: seeing your future self on stage instead of spiraling
• Creating a Four Agreements book for production (leadership through voice)
• The qualifiers we use to weaken our message
• Why we've been conditioned to soften (especially women, especially BIPOC)
• The difference between kind and soft (you can be both kind AND direct)
• What happens when you stop softening your voice
• Future self visualization: How does she speak?
• 5 reflection questions to identify where and how you soften

Key Takeaway: Your voice doesn't need to be softened to be valid. You can be kind AND direct. You can be compassionate AND clear. Stop apologizing for speaking.

 Week 2 Focus: Unashamed Voice - Speaking Without Apologizing Reflection Questions:

1. Where do I soften my voice the most?
2. What am I afraid will happen if I don't soften my voice?
3. What qualifiers do I use most often?
4. Who is my future self, and how does she speak?
5. What would I say differently today if I spoke without softening?

Connect with Nyomi:

• Website: AskNyomi.com
• Instagram: @AskNyomi (Tell me: What qualifier are you ready to let go of?)
• Tune in: Ask Nyomi Bridging the Gap - Thursdays

Next Episode: Action Wednesday - Removing the Qualifiers (practical exercises) Episode Hashtags: #SeasonOfSelfLove #ReclaimedAndUnashamed #MindsetMonday #UnashamedVoice #SpeakWithoutSoftening #NoApologies #DirectCommunication #ImpeccabilityOfTheWord

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-season-of-self-love--6003379/support.

"Thank you for spending this time with me on The Season of Self Love. Remember, self-love isn't selfish – it's sacred. You are worthy of the love you so freely give to others.

If today's episode resonated with you, share it with someone who needs this reminder. And don't forget to rate and review the show – it helps us reach more beautiful souls.

Connect with me on Instagram @TheRealNyomiBanks and @TheSeasonofSelfLovePodcast
visit theseasonofselflovecom for resources and our downloadable workbook.

Want to be a guest on The Season of Self Love? Send Nyomi Banks a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/171967138753618818df2d7f3

Until Monday – keep choosing YOU.
This is your girl, the goddess Nyomi Banks. Stay in your season."

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I've been awake for 24 hours. Production starts tomorrow, and my body is tired. My mind is racing. And I could be frustrated right now. I could be overwhelmed and I could be spiraling. But instead, instead, I am here recording this episode. I am choosing my voice. I am choosing to show up. Because here is what I have learned. Here is what I've learned. You see, when you're exhausted, when you are stretched, when you are in the thick of it, that is when your voice matters the most. That's when you have to choose. Will I shrink? Will I soften? Or will I apologize for taking up space? Or will I speak my truth? Unashamed. Well hello, my beautiful people, and welcome to the Season of Self Love Podcast. It's your Gertie Goddess Now Me Banks. And I am so glad that you are here with me on this mindset Monday. And yeah, I am not gonna lie to you, I am running on fumes right now. I've been awake for 24 hours getting ready for this production for our shoot this week and we start filming tomorrow. Tomorrow. And there is so much to do, there's so much to prepare, and there's just so much to coordinate. Um and I'm just in the middle of all of it. I'm in the middle of all of that. And I had a choice. I could just let it frustrate and take over, or I could let the um exhaustion just silence me, or I can skip this episode and say, I'll do it next week when I'm more rested. Or I can show up, or I can use my voice, or I can choose my future self. And that's what this week is all about: unashamed voice, speaking without softening, speaking without apologizing, speaking even when it's hard, even when you're tired, even when you rather be quiet. So let me properly welcome you to the show. Welcome to the Season of Self-Love Podcast, the season of healing intentionally. I am your host, Naomi Banks, and I am so glad that you are here. This season we are slowing down to go deeper. Every Monday and Wednesday, we're creating a space of intentional healing, authentic conversations, and the kind of self-love that transformed from the inside out. This podcast is brought to you by Axe Naomi and Elevate Me Self-Discovery, where we believe that loving yourself intentionally is the foundation of true transformation. So whether you're on your own journey of rebirth, navigating life transitions, or simply choosing yourself, this is your safe space. So get comfy, grab your favorite beverage, and let's heal together intentionally because you deserve to embrace that beautiful person that you are. Now let's get started. Well, all right, my beautiful people. Welcome back to the season of some love. All right, so before we dive into this week's lesson, we're going to round ourselves with this 60-second guided meditation. And today we're focusing on our voice. We're focusing on our voice, your unfiltered, your unsoftened, your apologetic voice. So wherever you are right now, and if you can, if you can just close your eyes and um just get comfortable, all right? All right, my beautiful souls, wherever you are and whatever you're doing, I want you just to pause with me for a moment. I want you to put both of your feet on the floor, and I want you to place one hand on your throat, your voice center. I want you to take a deep breath in and slowly release. I want you to feel the vibration in your throat. This is your voice. This is your power. And now I want you to say quietly to yourself. And I want you to repeat after me, my voice is clear. Now inhale, exhale. Now say quietly to yourself. I release the need to soften my truth. I release apologizing for speaking. I release qualifiers that weaken my truth. I welcome clarity. I welcome directness. I welcome my unashamed voice. Now one more deep breath in. Release. Now say, I speak without softening. I speak without apologizing. My voice is valid, and I am unashamed. And when you are ready, gently open your eyes. All right, my beautiful people. Are you new here to the Season of Self-Love Podcast? It's something that we do every episode just to help ground us before we get into the topic of hand. All right, my beautiful people. So let me tell you what's been happening. Um it's it's been amazing. It's been amazing. And like I said, um, I've been awake for 24 hours, 24 hours, and we're going into production this week for our project. And there's so much to coordinate. Um, the scheduling, the crew, the logistics, the creative vision, everything has to align. Um, we had added on some more scenes. Um, we had to do a last-minute recap. Um, everything that's needed to everything that you would think that that not going to happen happened within the past 48 hours. Um, but we're still doing it. Um in this weekend, this past weekend and this morning, I've been running on pure adrenaline in intention. Um most of our main cast members are coming in. The leads for the um episode three and four, excuse me, episode three and four are coming in today. And so we got to make sure that we coordinate with them and you know, picking them up and making sure they're in the hotel and the Airbnb, you know, everyone is set as set and you know, things like that. But just getting everything ready and make sure that everyone has what they need and making sure that the vision is clear. And in the middle of all of that, everything, I've been listening to a book called Becoming Supernatural by Joe Um Dispenser. Um, it's an amazing book that I've been reading, and there's a section, it's chapters, chapters eight through 10, where he talks about the quantum leap and he talks about um your future self, about meditation and about the movie mind. And actually, I started listening to it yesterday and I had to go back. I got the I have the book in, I listened to the audio as well. And so I was listening to the book yesterday while I was cleaning, so I made sure that I, you know, kind of put a mark on a piece of paper and say, okay, today I'm gonna go back. Well, well, it was like maybe about three o'clock this morning, three o'clock this morning. I said, well, let me go back and listen to that again. And as I was preparing some baskets for the cast, you know, I was listening to it again. And I wanted to listen to that part particularly because it it stood out to me. It stood out to me. And what stood out to me it was the example that he gave me. This example that he gave me, that not only yesterday did it stop me in my tracks, but today I said, I I I want to talk about this today. I want to talk about this today. And he said, um, and this is just an example. He said, instead of waiting for someone and getting upset or impatient, instead of in um spiraling into frustration, go into your future self. See your future self, step into that version of you that's already living the life that you want. And I'm not gonna lie, I sat there and I pictured myself with my husband. And um though hear me when I say this. When I heard that, I imagined myself as being frustrated. And I said, okay, that's what I'm gonna start doing when I'm impatient, waiting for my husband to do something. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to do that. And so as I was up doing production by myself, I didn't get frustrated. I had, I was listening to that, listening to that while the music was playing in the background around the house as I'm getting things together, you know, and I knew that I had to do this show as well. And I said, okay, where do I see my future self? Where do I see my future self? And I knew it was so many things that I needed to do this weekend. You know, it's like when I felt myself getting frustrated, when I felt myself getting um overwhelmed by all the details and depression and exhaustion, I didn't want to stay there. I didn't stay there. I went into my future self. You know what I did? I saw myself on a stage. I saw myself on a stage speaking in front of a crowd and sharing my message. I was living in my purpose, fully expressed, fully voiced and ashamed. And in that moment, that frustration didn't matter. The exhaustion didn't matter because I was choosing my future self. I was choosing a version of me that uses her voice boldly, the version of me that doesn't shrink, the version of me that shows up even when it's hard. And that's why I'm here right now. That's why I'm recording this episode, even though I've been awake for 24 hours. Because my voice matters, my message matters, and I'm not going to let exhaustion silence me. I want to share something with you all. Last Thursday for Axe Naomi Bridge and the Gap Podcast, we had an amazing live show. We had a whole bunch of people on there. We had, I think, over 300 people that was live, that was watching, listening, and interacting. Interacting. We did the show on uh how to heal heartbreak. And in that moment, I felt the energy from all of these 300 plus people that was watching me on, you know, and interacting with me at that moment. And I had to stop and say, thank you all, thank you all, because I see one of my dreams had just become a reality right now, even though I know that it came before, but just me realizing then that all of my one of my dreams had become a reality, and I was helping to change the world, even if it's just one person, even if it's just one person, if I can be a ripple in somebody's life of good, of good. That's why listening to that book, and just doing that exercise, that mind. I'm gonna talk about the mind thing later on later on um on another episode, but that mind um video, that too, it was just like amazing. I had already started doing doing that anyway, and I shared that a few about a year ago, how I will go into um the fifth dimension with my meditation and and stuff like that, what I could smell, smell, taste, and you know, all of that, and I can feel and I'm actually there, an awareness there. But I really didn't know what it was, it's more of a quantum leap. I didn't know that's what that was. Um I I didn't know what that was, but now I do. But that excited me, and I was like, okay, that that that got my energy flowing a little bit more, and it allowed me to continue to keep on moving forward. And so when I decided to do, um I had already had a topic for this show already, and it was about um unashamed voice, meaning speaking without shame, you know, and one of the things that I talk about a lot is one of my favorite books is the four agreements, right? Now, let me tell you what else I did this weekend with the tell that I did this weekend, because this ties into everything that we're talking about as well. I created something for my um for my production team in my cast. I I I created a a little six-page spiral book, and in it I wrote my version, my version of the four agreements, but it's specifically for our set, our shoot for this production. Now, now you know, if if if you know, if you ever read the book, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, the very first agreement is be impeccable with your words. Be impeccable with your word. And that agreement has changed my life. It's taught me to pay attention to the words that I speak, to the language I use, and to the way that I communicate. And so I took that principle and I applied it to our production. I created guidelines for how we speak to each other on set and how we communicate and how we lead and how we show up. Because here's what I know the way that you use your voice, it sets the tone for everything. If I'm using my voice to complain or to criticize or to soften or to apologize, that energy spreads. That becomes the culture of the set, right? But if I'm using my voice to inspire, to clarify, to empower, to lead, that energy spreads to what? That becomes the culture, right? So I created this little book and is going to be with us throughout the entire shoot this week. As a reminder, as a guide, as a commitment to using our voice with intention, with power, and with impeccability. That's leadership, that's unashamed voice, that's speaking without softening. That's what that is. Now let me tell you how I got here. How I learned to speak without softening, because it didn't just happen overnight. For years when I was younger, I softened my voice without realizing, even realizing I used to, I use qualifiers. I apologize for speaking. I made myself smaller with my words, you know, um what I'm talking about, the phrases we use to weaken our own messages. I'm sorry, but I might be dumb, but just wondering, or I can be wrong, but, or maybe I'm overthinking this, but. And every time we use those phrases, we're telling the world and ourselves that our voice is invalid and that our thoughts don't matter, and that we need permission to speak. And I used to do this all the time. I even caught myself doing it not too long ago, especially in the professional settings, especially when I was, you know, matter of fact, is when my brain fog started to come, and I had to start to find my words. And I actually remember having a conversation with Dr. Will about that, and I remember even um purchasing an app to help me to be able to speak words, to enunciate the words, and and the cra the crazy thing is I knew these words. I used to say words from the top of my head, like like spit, like I can used to could do a rap, like could do a flow, a freestyle, you know. And now I'm no longer apologizing for the way that I am. And I did shrink, and I I shared it with you all a few weeks ago why I hadn't really been doing um a lot of the podcast. I kind of shied away because I didn't know how to show up. I didn't know how to. I went back to that little girl and didn't know how to show up as me unapologetically. So I would soften, I would apologize, and then I would listen to the four agreements again, and then I still I started paying attention to my words, and I started catching myself, and now I catch myself when I hear I'm sorry, but to come out my mouth or I stop and I pause and I rephrase it now. Or instead of I'm sorry, but I have to question, I have a question. I just say I have a question. Or instead of this might be dumb, but what if I'm tired? I just say I'm just tired. So no apology, no qualifier, just the message, clear, direct, and unashamed. So why do we soften? Let's talk about why do we soften, why do we soften our voices, why do we use qualifiers? Because we've been conditioned to soften, especially as women, especially if you're black, brown, if you're a black or a brown woman or a person of color, especially if you're in spaces where you're the minority. We've been told that being direct is being rude, that being clear is being aggressive. I know I've been told that all the time. That being confident is being arrogant. We've been told to make ourselves smaller, softer, quieter so other people feel comfortable. And so we learn to apologize for taking up space. We learn to qualify our ideas so they don't threaten anyone. We learn to soften our truth so it goes down easier. But you know what that does? Is it weakens our message, it diminishes our power, it teaches people, including ourselves, that our voice doesn't matter as much as everyone else's. And I'm here to tell you that that's a lie. Your voice doesn't need to be softened, to be valid. Your voice doesn't need qualifiers to be valuable, your voice doesn't need apologies to be heard. You can be kind and direct, you can be compassionate and clear, and you can be respectful and unashamed. And those things are not opposite. You don't have to choose between being nice and being And then there's a difference in being kind and soft. So let's make a distinction, be clear about that. Because I think that there's this is where people get confused. Being kind is not the same as being soft. Being kind means treating people with respect, with dignity, with compassion. And being kind means not tearing people down, not being cruel, not being dismissive. But being soft. Being soft means weakening your message to make other people comfortable. Is being soft meaning apologizing for your truth? Is being soft means shrinking so others don't feel threatened. You can be kind without being soft. And you can be direct without being cruel. So let me give you some examples. Soft version. I'm sorry, but I was just wondering if maybe we could possibly um think about changing the deadline. I mean, I know you're busy and I I don't want to be be a bother, but if it's it's not too much trouble. That's my softer. And this is my kind and my direct version. I need to request a deadline extension. Here's why. And here's what I'm proposing instead. So do you see the difference? The second version is clear, it's direct, it's confident, but it's not rude, it's not cruel, it's kind. It didn't have a little attitude on it, didn't it? But that's an unashamed voice, that's a speaking voice without softening it. Now let me tell you what happens when you start speaking without softening, because there is a consequence. There are consequences. And then there's uh, but they're not what you think they are. First, people will be surprised. If you've always softened your voice and you've always apologized, always qualify, people are used to that version of you when you suddenly start speaking directly clearly without apologies, they'll notice some people will be uncomfortable. Some people I was wrong. Some people will say, You sing different. Good, you are different. You're unashamed now. And second, you'll be surprised. You'll be surprised on how much clearer communication becomes, you'll be surprised on how much more respect you get. You'll be surprised about how much confident you will feel. But when you stop apologizing for your voice, you start trusting your voice. And when you trust your voice, other people do too. And third, you reclaim your power. So every time you speak without softening, you're reclaiming your power. You're taking up space and you're exerting your right to be heard. That's growth, that's unashamed voice, and that's who you're becoming. Now I want you to make sure when I when I'm telling you to say that it's okay to do these things and not apologize, I'm not saying being rude and just interrupt and do those things. You know, you still be kind. And I really want to stress on being kind and respectful when you are being assertive with your voice and being respectful and allowing others to be able to say you have your words to say, be able to for them to be able to say theirs as well. Okay. All right, so let me talk about my um my future self on stage. And I want to bring you back to where I started. So Joe Despingza, and I hope I'm saying his name right, um, to the quantum leap, to my future self on stage. Um, when I was on stage, when I was on that stage, and I will be on that stage, I'm not going to be using qualifiers. I'm not going to be apologizing for my message. I'm not going to be softening my truth. I'm going to be speaking clearly, powerfully, unapologetically, because the people in that audience need to hear my message and they don't need it softened. They need it real, they need it direct, and they need it unashamed. So if that version of me that I'm stepping into, if that's my future self, then I have to practice that voice now. I have to speak that way today. I have to show up that way even when I'm exhausted, even when I'm overwhelmed, and even when I've been awake for over 24 hours, because every time I use my voice without softening, I'm becoming the future version of me. And every time I speak directly, clearly, and unapologetically, I'm quantum lipping into who I am meant to be. That's what this week is all about. That's what unashamed voice is. So this week, week two of our season of growth, we're focusing on unashamed voice, speaking without softening, speaking without apologizing, using your voice to call it what you want to lead, to create, and to grow. And on Action Wednesday, we're going to do the practical work. We're going to identify your qualifiers. We're going to practice direct communications. We're going to remove the phrases that weaken your voice and replace them with clear, powerful language. But for today, I just want you to start noticing. I want you to start catching yourself. So when you hear yourself say, Oh, I'm sorry, but pause, notice it. And if you can, rephrase it. And when you hear yourself say, This might be done, but stop. Catch yourself and try again. Or when you hear yourself softening your message, weakening your voice or apologizing for speaking, notice it. That's the first step to awareness. Because you can't change what you don't see. And you can't speak unapologetically if you don't notice when you're apologizing. So this week, pay attention to your voice. Pay attention to your words. Pay attention to when you soften and why. All right. So before we close out, I want to give you some reflection questions for this week. Question one: Where do I soften my voice the most? Is it at work? Is it at home? With certain people in certain situations. I want you to notice the pattern. When do you apologize for speaking? And when do you use qualifiers? The next question I want you to ask yourself: what am I afraid will happen if I don't soften my voice? And I want you to be honest. What's the fear? Are you afraid people won't like you? Are you afraid you'll seem aggressive? Are you afraid you'll be rejected? Name the fear. Question three, what qualifiers do I use most? Is it I'm sorry, but is it just I'm wondering? Is it I could be wrong, but what are your go-to phrases for weakening your message? I want you to write them down. And question four, who is my future self? And how does she or he speaks? So I want you to close your eyes and I want you to see your future self. Where is he or she? Where are they going? Where are they what are they doing? How are they using their voice? Are they apologizing? Are they softening? Or are they clear, direct, powerful, and unashamed? That's who you're becoming. And question five. What would I say differently today if I spoke without softening? I want you to think about this conversation. You need to have a message to need to deliver, a boundary you need to set. What would you say if you spoke without qualifiers? I want you to write it down and practice it. All right, so before we close, I want to leave you with this affirmation for this week. So repeat after me out loud if you can. My voice is clear and direct. I speak without apologizing. I speak without softening my truth. I am kind and powerful. I am respectful and unashamed. My voice matters exactly as it is. I am reclaimed. I am unashamed. I am heard. Beautiful. Beautiful. All right, my beautiful people, I am going to close this out because I need to do some more production. I said I was going to go to sleep, but production starts tomorrow. I have some more talent to pick up from the airport. But I wanted to make sure that I showed up for you. I wanted to use my voice. I wanted to demonstrate what unashamed voice looks like, even when you're exhausted, even when it's hard. This week, pay attention to your voice. Catch yourself when you soften it. Notice your qualifiers and start practicing direct, clear, and unashamed communication. And on Action Wednesday, we're going to do the work. We're going to identify your Pacific qualifiers and we're going to replace them with powerful language. We're going to practice. Now, if this episode has resonated with you, I want you to share with someone who needs to stop apologizing for their voice. Leave a review and send me a message on Instagram and tell me what qualifier are you ready to lick up on. So until Action Wednesday, it's your girl D. Goddess Nami Banks, reminding you to be good to one another and yourselves and always keep it sexy. Love yourself first so you can love others well. Have a good one. Thank you so much for joining me today on this journey of intentional healing. I hope that this conversation has filled your cup and reminded you of the beautiful and worthy person that you are. I want you to remember, healing isn't about rushing, it's about showing up for yourself with love and intention one day at a time. So I'll see you back here Monday and Wednesday for another episode of The Season of Healing Intentionally. Right here on the Season of Stuff Love Podcast. So until then, keep choosing you. And visit us at the Season of Stuff Love Podcast.com for show notes and resources, and remember to connect with me on Instagram at the River NaomiBacks. This has been brought to you by Alex Naomi and Elevate Me Self Discovery. Because you're really matters. You are love. You are worried. And you are exactly where you need to be. Take care.