Look at the Messenger: Why Staying Visible Is an Act of Courage

While launching Elevate Me: Self Discovery, Nyomi has been the target of stalking emails, manipulated images, and DMs demanding she hide her past. In this raw and unfiltered Mindset Monday, she breaks her silence on what it really costs to stay visible — and why she's not going anywhere.

This episode covers:

• The truth behind why Nyomi kept her name through her transformation
• What it means to be "the messenger" instead of hiding from your own story
• Why attacks on visibility are really about other people's discomfort with change
• Real talk on the emotional cost — and the deeper reward — of refusing to disappear
• A closing affirmation to help you reclaim your own story, whatever it is

Because the messenger is the message. Your past doesn't define your work — your impact does.

🌿 This episode is brought to you by Ask Nyomi and Elevate Me: Self Discovery — start your own transformation journey today at studio.com/nyomi.

Be good to one another and yourselves, and always keep it sexy.

Elevate Me: Self Discovery App
4-phase self-love journey: meditations, workbooks, coaching chat & journaling.

Goli Ashwagandha Gummies
Daily wellness support for grounding & stress relief. Use code AskNyomi for a discount!

Bodyotics Intimate Wellness
Body-safe pelvic floor & intimate care products for every stage of your journey.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I need to tell you something that's been happening. For the past few weeks, while I've been launching Elevate Me, while I've been building something to serve people at scale, I've been receiving emails, stalking emails, emails with images of myself, naked, kneeling with the Bible, manipulated, weaponized. And DMs asking me, why are you hiding who you were? Why are you using the army banks if you have transformed? And here's what I realized. They want me to hide. They want me to apologize. They want me to become someone else. Erase the past, disappear from visibility. Because my visibility, my refusal to hide, my choice to keep my name, my determination to show the world what transformation looks like in real time. That threatens them. But I'm not going anywhere. Because Naomi Banks isn't a secret. Naomi Banks is proof. And today we are talking about what it costs to be that proof and why it's worth it. Welcome to the Season of Self-Love Podcast. I am your host, Naomi Banks, and I am so glad that you are here. As we continue to transform in life, so does this podcast. In season five, we're moving differently. More intentional. More action. Less learning. More doing. Less waiting and more living. This is a space where we don't just talk about self-love, we practice it. We don't just discuss transformation. We live it. Every episode is an invitation to do the work with me. Not just listen to me talk about it. This podcast is brought to you by Ask My Homie and elevate me self-discovery. We believe that loving yourself intentionally is a foundation of true transformation. So get ready. Because in the season, we're doing the work together. Now let's get started. Alright, my beautiful people. Welcome back to the season of Sub Love Podcast. Again, I'm your husband, I'm gonna become you on this mindset Monday. Um before we dive in, I want to um let's just ground ourselves today um with a nice 60-second guided meditation, alright? And today we are claiming the courage to be visible, all right? So wherever you are, if you could just close your eyes. So wherever you are right now, I want you to close your eyes if you can. Be comfortable. And I want you to take a deep breath in. Now slowly release. And I want you to say to yourself, I will not hide to make others comfortable. Inhale, exhale. My transformation is not shame, it is proof. Inhale, exhale. The attacks mean that I'm threatening the wrong narrative, and I'm okay with that. Inhale, exhale, I choose visibility, I choose truth, I choose to be the messenger. One more breath in, hold, release, and when you are ready, let's begin. All right, my beautiful people. If you are new here to the Season of Self Love Podcast, it's something we do every episode just to help guide us before we get into the topic at hand, okay? All right, so y'all, so let me be completely honest with you all about what's been happening. About what's been happening. So I've been building the Elevate Me app, designed it to help people transform, to heal, to, you know, discover themselves. And the moment it launches, the attack comes. The moment it launches, the attacks come. Not critiques about the app, not disagreement about my methods, but attacks that are designed to shame me for who I was, for the work that I've done, for the career that I was in. Stalking emails with manipulative images used, using my past against me, trying to force me into hiding. Not back into hiding, but into hiding. And the message is always the same. Why are you using Naomi Banks? If you're really transformed, why not use a different name? Why are you hiding who you were? And for a moment I sat with that question. Because it's a real attack. You see, it's designed to make me question my choices, to make me wonder if I'm being arrogant, to make me think maybe I should hide this part. But then I realized something. I didn't just choose Naomi Banks to hide, I didn't choose that name to hide. I chose it to show. I chose it to show. So the question is, why did I choose Naomi Banks? Let me tell you about the truth about my name. Naomi Banks is a stage name that I built in front of lustful eyes in an industry that is sex positive, but in spaces that society frowns upon. And I kept it deliberately. Not because I was hiding, but because I'm refusing to hide. Because I wanted to show the world what transformation looks like in real time. Not a clean up version, not a new identity that erases the old one, but the full picture. I wanted people to see the full transformation, the same name, different woman, same person, transform. That's what Naomi Banks means to me. It's a refusal to disappear. It's a statement. I was there. I survived, I healed from it. And now I'm building something that helps others do the same. To do the same. So why the attacks? So here's why the attack attacks come. My visibility is dangerous. And I don't mean dangerous in the in the frame that is dangerous, but but the dangerous to their narrative. A narrative that says, once you've been labeled, that you're done, once you've been in the industry or on the streets or in poverty, or you got a record or with trauma, that's who you are forever. But I'm proof that that's a lie. You see, my refusal to hide my choice to keep my name, to build publicly, to serve at scale that shows women and men across every industry that transformation does require a race. See, they don't have to become someone else to become better. That the same person can change. And that's terrifying to people who want to keep others small. So they attack. They send emails designed to shame me and others. They DM asking why I won't hide. And then they try to pull me back. But I stay right here. I say right here. But the thing, I'm not the only one. There are other messengers out there. You see, last week there was a woman from the adult industry that retired about 15, 16 years ago. And she's now a pastor. And she's been serving her community for over 10 years. She's married, she drives a semi-truck. She has built a life. But when her story resurfaced, that hate was vicious. They couldn't see the pastor. They could only see the past. And she's not alone. Because there are women that are in wellness, are fitness coaches, nutritionists, yoga teachers, using their voice to help heal, but still being judged for where they came from. Women who are life coaches, authors, advocates for marginalized communities, serving at a scale and still carrying the weight of old labels. People with criminal records who are now mentors and business owners. People who survive poverty are now entrepreneurs. People who survive abuse are now healers. And people society tried to keep small. Now they're doing big and meaningful work. And they all are getting attacked for refusing to hide. They all getting attacked for growing and transforming. So here's what I need you to understand that your past does not define your work. Your impact does. Your present does. Your becoming does. So when people insist on keeping you in your old identity, when they attack your visibility, when they try to shame you back into hiding, that's not about you. That's not about you. That's about them. It's about their comfort with transformation, their need to keep people in boxes, their refusal to evolve. There was something that I always say. I say that I am multidimensional. I am multidimensional. I'm not just one. I'm multidimensional. I know God has blessed me in everyone to be so full of all of things, everything of oneness. And I just remember, and I knew the hate that I got. I I knew the hate that I got in and but when I saw her story, and she's a beautiful young lady, beautiful young lady. But what I saw in the past few weeks, last week, that it was all over the blogs, it was all over everything. And going into the comments and looking at what these people were saying was it was horrible. It was horrible. But what I can say is what I did like to see, I saw um quite a few of my um of my colleagues that was in the industry along with me cheering this queen on, giving her congratulations, that they they love to see that growth, that she is also an example of what growth, transformation looks like. But it's unfortunate that the world don't see it. You know that saying that they say, don't look at the messenger, hear the message. Y'all know that saying, don't look at the message, just hear the message. But I'm saying something different. I'm saying look at the messenger. Look at the messenger because the messenger is the message. Hear me when I say this again, because the messenger is the message. When you see someone who has survived, who has transformed, who is now serving, that's not inspiration, porn, and don't, no pun intended, but it's that's the proof. That's the proof, that's the evidence that transformation is real, that the healing is real, that the growth is real. That you could go from you know being a porn star to your whatever it is that you're doing, or whatever your past identity is to which you are now. The thing is that they both are true, but only one gets to define you. And refusing to hide that journey, that's courage. That's courage. Again, I'm more than uh an ex-adult industry porn star, whatever you want to call it. I have so many ladies, so many dimensionals to me. So many. And so do that woman. So do that young lady. So did that man that made a mistake. I know some people say, now you sure that you you sure you want to continue doing this work? It does cost, and I won't lie. This cost something for me to be on this platform. As I said, I share with you the emails, the DMs, the constant harassment under positive posts. The cost of visibility, the choice that I made. It costs visibility to people who want to keep you small. It costs comfort because the attacks are real. It costs ease because I have to be prepared for the hate. But you know what the gains are? You know what I get? I get my integrity, my authenticity. That ability to look someone in the eye and say, This is who I was, this is who I am, and I am not ashamed of either. It gains respect, respect of people who are ready to transform because they see that it's possible. It gains the trust of people who know that I'm not asking them to do something that I haven't done myself. It gains the power that comes from refusal, refusal to hide, refusal to apologize, refusal to become someone else. That's what the cost is. All of that. So here's what I want to say to anyone right now who's listening and who is doing the work, who is transforming, who is healing, who is building something meaningful, and who is being attacked for refusing to hide. I'm praying for your strength. I pray for your strength. I pray that you don't, that you don't shrink to make others comfortable. I pray that you understand that their attacks are proof that they're threatening, that you're threatening a lie. I pray that you keep whatever it is that you had, that you keep your story, that you keep your visibility. I pray that you understand that what my meaning is is what your meaning is for you. That transformation doesn't require an eraser. That you can be fully yourself, past included, and still be the person doing the work now. I pray that you become the messenger. Not hiding the message, but being the message. Because our souls are not lost, we are found, we are transforming, we are building, and the work that we are doing now is proof, is proof, all right, my beautiful people. So this is our closing affirmation today. All right. So I want you to repeat after me, I would not hide to make others comfortable. My transformation is not shameful, it is proof. The attacks mean that I am threatening the wrong narrative. I choose visibility, I choose truth, I choose to be the messenger. My past doesn't define my work, my impact does. I am say your name. I am the full person, the full journey, the full story. I am reclaimed, I am unashamed, and I am unstoppable. All right, my beautiful people. Well, this month is all about looking at the messenger. It's all about looking at the messenger and understanding that your transformation, that your that your transformation, your actual courage to stay visible, to refuse to hide, to keep your name, to keep whatever it is, a part of your story in your power. That's the most powerful thing that you can show the world. Not your apologies, not your explanations, but the evidence, the proof that growth is real. The healing is possible, that you can become, that you are becoming, that you are you, the messenger. All right, so on Action Wheels that we are going to do the work. We are going to help you identify your messenger story, what you've overcome, what you're building, and who you are now. But this week, we just gonna sit with this that you are a messenger. And your refusal to hide, your refusal to hide, that's your courage. All right. So until next week, I mean to tell on Wednesday, y'all. It's your girl, God, it's not me. I want y'all to stay visible, stay true, and let people see your possibilities, all right? And hey, if it's something in today's episode that hit home, I want to hear about it. Text me or leave me a voice note using the link right in the show notes, all right? And if you're ready to do this work deeper, to truly see yourself as the full woman, the full man, the full person you are, Elevate Me Self Discovery is waiting for you. Start with phase one, the awakening. It's time to see yourself clearly. So visit us at studio.com backslash Naomi and start your transformation today. So good. Be good to one another in yourselves. And always keep it sexy. I want you to love yourself first so you can love others well. And don't forget to watch us on YouTube, the Season of Stuff Love YouTube, where we got videos, behind the scene content, and more. All right, so you have an amazing, amazing day. Have a good one.