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Therapy for Teens: Series Introduction
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Hello friends! Cassandra and Garth are kicking off a brand new series on therapy for teens. In this couch conversation, they talk through what they love about today's teenagers, what teens are up against right now (endless options, tech that winds them up without calming them down, and more emotional awareness than regulation skills), and why Cassandra believes we're asking teens to carry too much when it comes to suicide prevention. Content note: this episode includes a discussion of suicide. If you or someone you love is struggling, call or text 988. Cassandra is a licensed therapist and EMDR Consultant at Seen Therapy Services in Springfield, Missouri, offering EMDR therapy, EMDR intensives, and couples counseling in person and via telehealth throughout Missouri. Visit seentherapy.org or call/text 417-708-7909 to get started. Get a taste for the episode below. If you enjoy your listen, give us a follow, share, or five star review. Have a good one!
"Me knowing more about the world around me does not automatically mean that I have an increased ability to cope with it."
Hello, hello, hello friends. Welcome to the podcast where we simplify everything about mental health. Just kidding. But here's what we are gonna do. We're gonna sit down together, a licensed mental health professional, that's me, and a regular old Joe, as my husband Garth would describe himself. We're gonna talk about the nitty-gritty of the MBR, some nervous system mapping, how couples can help each other heal, what's healthy parenting actually look like, maybe a little bit of good old banter mixed in. All with the goal of making mental health a little bit simpler for you. Quick note, because my lawyer says that I have to. Have a good listen. Hello friends. We are back to an episode without video recording, because honestly, we're sitting on our couch.
SPEAKER_00Chillaxin, relaxing on cool, shooting some people. We are not just chillaxing on the couch today.
SPEAKER_03Just chillaxing on the couch, and today we are talking about teenager because we are talking about therapy for teens in this next series. So this is another reason why we will not be having a video recording today because we are just kind of banting a little bit about teenagers. We we've got a few points that we want to hit, but we have both historically worked with teenagers. You are at it again working with teens. Active, active, and so we're gonna chat a little bit about some of the mental health, oh the nuances of you know the mental health climate with teenagers right now, yeah. And both you know, like clinically, but also just our our opinions on what's kind of bringing some some stuff up for folks in that age range. What generation are they now? I don't know.
SPEAKER_00Who knows?
SPEAKER_03What comes after Gen Z?
SPEAKER_00Gen.
SPEAKER_03Have they been named yet?
SPEAKER_00I I don't know. I don't know. Should we look that up?
SPEAKER_03After we get done recording, we should. Okay. Yeah. But before we start talking about teenagers, or maybe you have a teenager-related band. Will you bant us away, please?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. When you were a teenager, what was your favorite activity?
SPEAKER_03Oh, you did come up with a teenager-related band. When I was a teenager, what was my favorite activity?
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I mean, I really enjoyed hanging out with you. Sure. I really enjoyed playing sports, particularly running fast. Some of my like favorite times with friends, office waffles comes up in my mind.
SPEAKER_00Office waffles.
SPEAKER_03Office waffles.
SPEAKER_00A little bit.
SPEAKER_03Very fluffy homemade waffles. And binging the office.
SPEAKER_00Wow.
SPEAKER_03Mm-hmm. It was a good time. How about you? What was your favorite activity as a teenager? I mean, I feel like I don't know that office waffles was my very favorite, but I feel like kind of the stereotypical answers hanging out with my boyfriend, which was you. Sports. Those aside, office waffles. Really loved office waffles.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00Fireworks, dirt bike, and paintballing. Wow. And hanging out with you.
SPEAKER_03Combined.
SPEAKER_00You know, we never combined all three of those, but that could have been a lot of fun. Yeah. A motorcycle, riding, paintball, shooting, firework, extravaganza.
SPEAKER_03There's still time, babe.
SPEAKER_00Love if I crash on a dirt bike for a week and a half. It took me 45 seconds to get back up back in the day.
SPEAKER_03I'm single parenting for 10 days. Is that what you're saying?
SPEAKER_00No, thank you.
SPEAKER_03You can dream.
SPEAKER_00I can dream.
SPEAKER_03I love it. We could probably even type that into AI and put and provide AI a picture of you, and they could like come up with a they could produce a video for you.
SPEAKER_00So about the AI video. I want the experience.
SPEAKER_03Well, I just offered you the opportunity to have the experience and you turned it down. So that's okay. That's that is the only barrier here. Yeah. Is is you. Not the fact that you no longer own a dirt bike, uh paintball gun. Sure. Could get your hands on some fireworks. Get my hands on some fireworks. Man. Okay. Teenagers in therapy, therapy with teenagers, mental health and teenagers. You ready to roll?
SPEAKER_00I suppose.
SPEAKER_03So first thing that we wanted to make sure we talked about as you and I were chatting just a little bit before we started recording was what do we enjoy about this generation of teenagers? When we started working with teenagers as professionals, that you know, that was a different set of kids, so it's even like evolved.
SPEAKER_00These kids those kids are grown-ups now. Those kids are have kids. Those kids have kids. Full-time jobs.
SPEAKER_03Like big kid jobs and careers. Yeah. So yeah, it's a a little different. And so when we talk about teenagers now and what we feel like their strengths are, you know, it might even look a little bit different than it did when we started our careers. But the two words, the two buzzwords that we had for these current teens was creative and informed.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And we were processing through you know what we felt were their strengths, and you kind of you landed there on creative and and informed. And so I'll I'll let you take it away and elaborate a little bit more, but I'll just briefly say I liked your definition of informed. Like you had walked me through, you know, having students who are very aware of their impact on the world in really specific ways and care about it. Yeah, and and care about that. And then we didn't process creative through as much. So I'll let you speak to that even more. But elaborate a little bit for us. Those those were your buzzwords, creative and informed.
SPEAKER_00I think creative in the sense that they're so much at their fingertips that they can find ways to do things that I couldn't have imagined when I was a teenager. You know, I've had kids who ingest and fun will find pictures of me online, and they will make mashup videos to the curriculum that I am teaching with my face. Yeah. You know, which is creative a little disturbing. But it illustrates the the tools at their fingertips when they choose to utilize them in a advantageous way for good. And then inform I've just, you know, I the number of kids that I have interacted with as an educator who they buy this brand of clothes, and it's important to them. And why they do it is because, well, this brand donates this percentage to this charity that they support personally, right? And so they want to support that company in buying the their clothing from them, or you know, whatever it is, whether it's clothing or it's you know the the earbuds that they're whatever it is, right? The the food they eat, the the drinks they drink, right? All of the information, if you care about a cause, to find out who's supporting that is right there. And then these kids find it. The ones that are passionate about a cause, they say, Well, I'm passionate about clean water. So this is the brand of water that I buy. This is the clothing that I support because they do this, you know, XYZ for building wells in Africa or whatever it is, right? The the ability to be informed about your purchases, this new generation is keyed in on that. A lot of them. I won't say all of them. Sure. A lot of them, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. And I'm sure, you know, there's so much that we're we're missing here, right? Like to fully encompass an entire generation is absolutely we're certainly not going to do that today. But we wanted to speak to, you know, what we see as some strengths, and then also talk about some things that we see that they're up against. And not, you know, what we're about to speak to, they're not all necessarily barriers, but they can be. You know, I think the the first thing that we wanted to chat about was the number of options that teenagers have now, yeah, in a lot of ways, but specifically even like what to do after high school. Yeah. And from one perspective, like that's really great that there are so many options available to these kids. And on the other hand, wow, there are a lot of options available to these kids. And that can be, I I think incredibly overwhelming, you know, and and even, you know, within the same, let's say that they, you know, an 18-year-old kid that's just graduated high school that they decide to go on to college, even the same two kids, the same two kids, even two kids pursuing the same degree, yeah. Their experiences can look so different. You know, one kid decides to live on campus, another one pursues a completely, you know, fully online degree. Yeah. Those are two radically different experiences that they're having as they're pursuing the same, the same, the same end goal in their education, right? You know, I feel like when you and I graduated high school, it was like generally you go straight into the workforce, you go to trade school, you go to college. And for those of us that were going to college, we were having a fairly similar experience. Not everybody was going to live in a dorm, but a lot of people were who went to college. People going to trade school had a very similar experience to one another. Bless you. And I just don't think that's the case anymore. And so I think that does a couple of things. It can overwhelm kids with the number of options they have, and then I think it's also a way in which it's just more difficult to find common ground and community with other people their age. You know, I had I think a unique experience in like finding my people really quickly at college. But I think a huge part of that was like being fully immersed in an environment where really you know everyone around me was having a fairly similar experience.
SPEAKER_00So shared experiences built a foundation for a friendship.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. And I I think that's less common now.
SPEAKER_00There's so many options that everyone has a different pet, no one's in the same boat.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, or at least less people are.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Right. And again, more options isn't like inherently a bad thing, but it does, yeah, it decreases the number of people that are gonna have that same shared experience as you. So I think that's one of the things they're up against, you know, technology. I I know this is one that is ragged on over and over and over again. I wanted to kind of take an angle as we talked about tech with this generation that I haven't heard of before. That doesn't mean that it's not talked about. And as I've been listening back to some of our episodes, we've talked about like we've been a little less conversational recently, and I think part of that is just getting used to video, but I have been a little bit more formal in my language too than I'd like to be. So I'm as I talk about tech, I'm gonna try to s use a little bit more just like common like table talk language.
SPEAKER_00And I think all I have. I've done nothing different.
SPEAKER_03I think that tech can upregulate our systems and it cannot downregulate our systems.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03And you and I chatted about that a little bit before we started recording. Like, you get a text message that is distressing to you, you your system is upregulated, right? But like tech generally does not downregulate us. Co like co-regulation with other people is the most effective way to downregulate. Like, and I guess I'm not being super clear, like if I receive a text message from a friend that upregulates me.
SPEAKER_00There's very little technology I can do to de-escalate that for you.
SPEAKER_03Even though it was the way that I got there.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Like ultimately it was it was tech, right? Like, because in theory, let's say that I'm talking to a friend and they say the same thing to me in conversation that they would have over text. Maybe I'm upregulated, but then my friend notices and like had no intention of saying anything that would upregulate me, and then we have a com you have a chance to regulate. Right. We have a quick repair, and maybe words aren't even needed.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Right? Like they say something, they rec they're attuned to me because we're good friends, they recognize like my upregulation, and maybe they just like shift their shoulders towards me in conversation, right? And that's enough for my body to go like, oh, that's not gonna happen over text message. Right, yeah. So I think that this is a generation that is communicating a ton via tech, and they're experiencing the upregulation that comes with that, yeah, without the down regulation.
SPEAKER_00I I will add though, I I find it interesting that there is starting to be that swing back. I think we've talked about this before of like everything is on a pendulum. Yeah, and so it swings one way, and I think that this generation is starting to push back on that a little bit. This they and that they're looking for in-person connection.
SPEAKER_03I agree.
SPEAKER_00They want to read real books, you know, each in an online school. And I provided a resource for a novel we're gonna read that was digital. And the number of kids who reached out to say, Hey, this is a physical copy that I want to buy. Is this one like, does this work? And it's like they they want real stuff, you know. These are even kids who are in an online school, so they're leaning towards that online experience a little bit more, but but they still want the real book.
SPEAKER_03Makes me think, as a parent, like if they're already pushing for that for themselves, like they're how will they prioritize that for their children?
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00And I think I don't know, maybe we're just more in tune to parents than we are teenagers, but a lot of the parent friends that we have who are parenting teenagers or preteens, right? They they seem to be guiding their their teens towards more in person, less online.
SPEAKER_03That's changed over the past five years. Yeah, for sure. Like when when our oldest, when she was an early teen, yeah, there were not a lot of parents that we were interacting with that were really very weary of technology. So I say five years. So I mean that was six years ago. A lot has changed, even in six years. Yeah, it it's been it's been interesting. I I think that's promising. Right? I do think, and I have told parents this as a parent, we have a unique experience, right? In that our olders, our bigs, our 19 and 17. So we have seen how kind of the like just the the average parent is parenting 19 and 17 year olds, and then how the average parent is parenting five and one year olds, right? And there is a big difference in tech use between those ages for most people, not all, but for most people, and I have told parents having that unique experience, I am grateful that we are the age we are, that we have the awareness that we do with with tech. I think that people 10 years older than us were really the guinea pigs and have no fault of their own technology emerging.
SPEAKER_00It was like one iPad.
SPEAKER_03Yep.
SPEAKER_00Who knows what that'll turn out like, right? There was no evidence to support what that would do.
SPEAKER_03Yep, they were the guinea pigs, and it's not that we are better parents, it's just the time and space that we we were born, and then that we've had kids. I think that they have learned a lot and we have been able to learn a lot from them. Now, all that said, teenagers and young adults right now, they were those guinea pig kids.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, they were they were.
SPEAKER_03And so even as we're seeing some like promising change where people are moving towards in-person activity, in-person activities, people are becoming a little more leery of tech, you know. I think like AI glasses, I have heard like the sales for those are, you know, they're not hitting the metrics they thought they would hit. Like people are becoming more cautious, and still, yeah, there are going to be mental health implications from the first decade and a half of these kids' lives when we just didn't know. And as a culture, we were just like figuring it out. So I think we can hold both as as true. Like we've learned a lot as a culture, we need to keep doing better as far as being safe and healthy with tech.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And the these kids had the childhood that that they had, right? You know, and there's gonna be some some stuff to deal with there. I don't know. I don't know. Does that make sense? No, absolutely. Next thing that we had this one feels a little tricky to me, but I do think it's the case. Uh I think that this generation of kids has a lot more emotional awareness than previous generations have had. Certainly than I had it at 17, 16, 17. Like definitely. Their emotional regulation does not typically match their emotional awareness. Like their emotional regulation skills do not typically match their level of emotional awareness, which I think is typical of teenagers.
SPEAKER_00You don't regulate your emotions well as a teenager. Yeah, so having this amount of awareness becomes an a an accentuated problem.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. This oversimplifies it, right? But like if if I was aware of my emotions at like a four, and I had emotional regulation skills at like a six, then this generation is aware of their emotions at like an eight. But their emotional regulation skills are still to six. Yeah. Those are random numbers. Right. But it's like so I think again, and part of that is access to information, right? Like the they do, they just know more. They know more, they're aware of more, but there is a difference between knowing more and then being able to then do something about it, right? Yeah. And so I do think there's this gap between there's an increase in emotional awareness, but I don't know that there's an increase in emotional regulation. That's something that they're up against.
SPEAKER_00Well, and I think there's also just such an exposure. Mental health is so much more prevalent as a topic. Yes. So the kids know about depression. The kids know. They know about anxiety, they know about bipolar, they you know, they they know about all these things and like actually know about them. Not just they've heard them and they want to like use that buzzword. They've like looked into it, they understand it, and sometimes they self-diagnosed or diagnose their friends with with something that then they become concerned about. But it it's this idea that they have all of the information right at their fingertips, but then what to do with it. They're just sometimes not equipped to do with it what needs to be done, whether that's evaluating it or acting on it or whatever. I think they're just they're just kids. They're kids with too much info.
SPEAKER_02Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_03It reminds me of what I have told parents for years when they have gifted children.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Your kid, and the the again, just numbers that I'm throwing out there, but your kid cognitively, uh, your five-year-old cognitively is a nine-year-old, right? Like with some of their cognitive abilities. However, their emotional regulation skills are still at a five-year-old, maybe even a little younger. Maybe we're sitting at a four-year-old, right? And your kid being gifted is that like that's wonderful. It's wonderful that these teenagers are coming in and their emotional awareness is increased. However, me knowing more about the world around me does not automatically mean that I have an increased ability to cope with it.
SPEAKER_02Sure. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And so I think it's the yeah, really similar to like having conversations with parents about gifted children.
SPEAKER_00Same ability to cope, but more information to cope with.
SPEAKER_03Exactly.
SPEAKER_00And sometimes that's hard.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yep. You you've got the same ability to cope as I did as a 17-year-old. Yep. But you're aware of more. That's fodder for anxiety and you know, all sorts of, you know, well, we just doubt or insecurity or whatever you wanna. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03We just experienced some version of this, right? Like we had a fairly early walker.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Right? Yeah. Her ability to walk before she was one did not increase like I'm telling that her judgment was not.
SPEAKER_00Her judgment was no better.
SPEAKER_03Right. And so now we just have a 10-month-old who can effectively get around, but cannot more effectively than any other 10-month-old make decisions that keep herself safe. Yeah. Right.
SPEAKER_00She can just get on more stuff to fall and get hurt on. Right.
SPEAKER_03So it's like, okay, these kids can go into the the depths of like emotional understanding more effectively, but then what do they do when they get there? Right. When the 10-month-old can run into the other room, great, cool. But then what's she gonna do when she gets there?
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_03Anyway. So the last thing is something that I want to talk about, but that you and I didn't prep for.
SPEAKER_00Oh, surprise round.
SPEAKER_03Surprise round. This one's a little heavy. We are gonna talk about suicide if you want to be done and not chat about that. I say chat about that. We're gonna chat about that, if that's okay. But if somebody doesn't want to listen in, now would be a time to find for me. Yeah, step away. You and I have discussed this before. I personally think that we give teenagers way too much responsibility in watching for signs of suicide with their friends. Yeah. Like way too much. Yep. I think we give people too much responsibility in general, but I think it's one thing when we're handing that to grown adults.
SPEAKER_00Sure.
SPEAKER_03And it's another when we're handing it to children. And we are. We like not that's not just like an underlying message, like collectively as a culture, like formalized discussions in schools, we are telling 15-year-olds that they should be aware of certain behaviors from their friends because it could indicate suicide. And that is not a burden that I carried when I was 15.
SPEAKER_00Sure. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And I think when we are pushing that messaging to the point that kids feel like they can't go to the shower without their phone because what you know, what if a friend needs them? Yeah. And I have heard some version of that story from a lot of teenagers. That's that's too far. Yeah. I think we need to pay putting a lot more effort into telling teenagers again, it goes back to emotional regulation and I think communication skills.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Excuse me. I think we need to be paying a lot more attention to providing teenagers resources that if they have suicidal thoughts, that they're able to communicate those effectively to people.
SPEAKER_00Recognize their peers.
SPEAKER_03Yep. Recognize those, not panic, and then com exactly what you said, effectively communicate those to someone who is not a peer. Yeah. That is where our focus should be. It should not be placing the responsibility of recognizing suicidal ideation or even behaviors on another 15-year-old. Yeah. Yeah. No, granted, do I want 15-year-olds to say something if their friend tells them that they have a plan for suicide? Absolutely. Of course. Absolutely. Yeah. Of course I do. But guys, I am talking when kids are receiving the messaging that like they are the front line on this, that they they stand in between, you know, their friend carrying out a s you know, a suicidal behavior. Like that is too much.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And the reality is that adult professionals miss signs of suicide. For sure. So let's not put the pressure of recognizing that on our children. Yeah. Let's teach them how to regulate and teach them how to communicate. Anyway. I could stand on that soapbox. But I will not at least for any longer than I have.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03Okay. So this starts our series on teenagers.
SPEAKER_00Do we have to get all in all the topics we want to talk about in this episode?
SPEAKER_03Throw something out there. Not necessarily, but what are you thinking?
SPEAKER_00I just had a thought. Teenagers, I think inherently as as humans want to find a place to belong. We hinted on this a little bit. The idea that you have too much information. Yeah. Sometimes I think there are too many places to be involved. There are too many activities available. There are too many internet communities to be a part of. That often it's paralyzing to find one that that you commit to and like dive into.
SPEAKER_03Almost too niche.
SPEAKER_00Almost too niche. Because as humans we love community. I think. I think that's inherent to our like satisfaction in life is having community. And so when there are so many, it gets hard for teenagers to find a place to belong.
SPEAKER_02Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00Because there's just so many. You know. We can go more into this some other time, but I just wanted to, if if we have to mention all the topics we want to talk about later in the series, I wanted to get that in there. I think that's an interesting one to look at is like how do teenagers find their place in today's world? Because it's different than it was whenever we were teenagers, right?
SPEAKER_02Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00Could be could be interesting. Take a deeper dive into. I've done no research to prepare for this today, but I will.
SPEAKER_03Well, I think, yeah, we were focused earlier on how can options, which can be a good thing, but how can options increased options after high school be difficult? But I I think what you're speaking to is not just after high school. Right. Yeah. Right.
SPEAKER_00You're a teenager, you're forming your identity, you're looking for your community to attach to. Well, there's a billion of them. When I was a teenager, there were like four that I had access to, you know, that I could legitimately be a part of.
SPEAKER_03Part of that was that you grew up in the middle of nowhere. Not me. I didn't, but you did. Sure, sure. I think too, obviously, we'll be talking about like how can therapy sp help teenagers specifically? What does therapy look like with teenagers? Right. Like a lot of parents are interested in how does this actually play out for my kid, understandably, right? Okay. As always, thank you for joining. We're on this series as we address, yeah, what does therapy look like for teens? How can therapy help teenagers? And what are some unique things that teenagers from our perspective that we we see that they're up against right now? Okay. All right. Guys, all of the things come back for another listen. Tell a friend about the podcast. If you're just feeling really pumped, give us a like or a download. We appreciate you.
SPEAKER_00Leave a review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I say a like, a review.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, leave a review. We tell us what you think.
SPEAKER_03We're on multiple platforms now. So who knows where you're even listening from?
SPEAKER_00How exciting. Who knows? All right. But leave a review and tell us.
SPEAKER_03Talk to you soon. Bye-bye. Well, that's all, folks. Please see our show notes for ways to connect with us or go give us a follow on Instagram. You can find us at Simply Mintal. If this episode resonated with you, send it over to a friend. Give us a five star rating, subscribe, download all the things that cool kids are doing these days. Thanks for having me.