The Midlife Pivot I Never Saw Coming

After a long pause from podcasting, I'm back...and a lot has changed.

In this episode, I'm sharing the story behind my midlife pivot: the unexpected shifts in business, identity, and purpose that led me away from building brands and toward exploring something much deeper - meaning, generosity, and the psychology of why people connect, give, and belong.

If you've ever found yourself questioning the path you built, wondering whether success still fits, or feeling called toward something you can't quite explain yet, this conversation is for you.

I'm so glad you're here for this next chapter of Built for Meaning. Follow the show on Spotify or wherever you listen to podcasts so you don't miss future episodes. And if this story resonates with you, come say hello on Instagram and send me a message. I would love to hear about your own pivot and what meaning you're building in this season of life.

Connect on IG: @builtformeaning

Transcript

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I'm back. Hey friends. Oh my goodness, what a year it's been. And I think we're just going to dive right into it because I cannot tell you the crazy transformations that have happened in the last year. I can't even begin. There's so many great things that have happened, but also so much that I wasn't expecting. And today we're going to talk about that. And I want to take you through all those big changes. I'm going to take you behind the scenes and can you give you kind of the real look at what went down and um kind of show you what I'm building in real time now. Um and this is like couldn't have predicted it, you guys. I mean, if you had told me this time last year where I'd be at now, I I couldn't have, I wouldn't have believed you. So let's just dive right in, shall we? Um, for many of you, you may have noticed, first off, that the name of the podcast has changed. It is now Built for Meaning, so welcome. Um, the inaugural Built for Meaning podcast in this iteration of my journey. And um, Business Her Way was a really wonderful time. I loved Business Her Way. I loved interviewing the women there. Um, and I'm gonna talk a little bit more about that journey as well. Um, but Built for Meaning is the next step. So you're in the right place. I am your host, Stephanie Gerash, and um yeah, let's let's keep going. So goodness, 2025 brought a lot of changes, and I'm just gonna be honest with you, they were not expected. The last time, again, I published was early 2025. I had full intention. I had a full list of individuals that I had interviewed. I was ready to go for season four of Business Her Way. Um, I'm, you know, take you back to February 2025-ish, and you know, I'm building websites through Brand Psyche, which is the agency that I've been running formally under that name since 2017, but basically doing that work since goodness, 2010, uh, if that doesn't age me a little bit. And so, you know, just running my marketing agency and and building websites and connecting locally in Reno and um teaching, teaching at UNR, teaching in the business department and the marketing department and enjoying life, just loved it. And um, nothing bad happened. Don't worry, we're not like there's no, you know, catastrophic event. But my husband was basically told, hey, um, you can't really work remote anymore, you need to go back to the office. And at the time, the office was either Houston, Texas, or back to Paris. And my husband said, uh, okay, I think we have to move. And I wasn't ready. And to be honest, for those of you who don't know, I was born and raised in Reno, Nevada. There's a lot of wonderful things about Reno. I left in 2006, and I kind of never looked back. And so when we landed there in 2020, it was a very big surprise. I hadn't expected it. There's a lot there, and I, you know, I'll share that story another day. But we made Reno our home. We bought a house, we got the girls into a great school. I mean, very, very, very happy with where we were. Reno has its ups and downs, as does every small town, small city. And yet at the same time, to leave Reno was unexpectedly difficult for me. I didn't want to go. My gut instinct is no, this isn't the right move. And if you know me, my gut instinct isn't usually wrong. And I didn't want to go. But we decided to make a quick move simply because we wanted to get the girls starting in their new school before the school year really got going. Because if if you have children, and especially children that have developed some sort of home base when they're about this age, eight, nine, ten, eleven, then it's a lot harder to go mid-year and be in a totally new environment than simply going in the beginning. So we actually ripped that band-aid off, which is very typical of us, and we moved really, really quickly. So from the moment we figured out we had to move, which was about April-ish, um, we packed up the house, sold all the stuff, and we're literally everything was in a truck or we were on a plane by July. Okay, so really fast. And it was, it's been, we went to Houston, by the way, because I don't think I shared that. We ended up in Houston, and it was and has been a huge transition for us as a family. It is not easy, and I'm, you know, in full transparency, I just feel like, you know, it probably looks really good from the outside if you were like on my personal Instagram page, but I'm very honest and forthright in saying that moving is really hard, and this move was really hard on all of us. My husband's really happy to be back in the office. Um and I don't know if I love it here. I'm gonna say it that way, but it's there are really great things about being in this area, and there are not so many great things about being in this area, and so you again, every town and city has their own negatives and positives. My children are still adjusting. We're a year out, right? So we basically have been here almost a year from the recording of this podcast, and everyone is still adjusting to the environment, the friends, the way of being, the restaurants, the you know, go-to places that we love. Um, and so we're still figuring that out and we're a year in. So if you're thinking about a big move or you've had a big move, I'm sure you can relate. It just takes a little bit, right? It takes a little bit to adjust. And so we have this big move in July. We are getting everyone settled, and the 2025 September Equinox hits. And if you know me, you know I love astrology and all things woo. And I kind of was like, yeah, sure. Like we just moved, right? That's a that's pretty big. Um, uh, plot twist, not quite. Uh, I actually ended up getting a full-time job, and I ended up going back to an office environment. Again, not predicted. Now, here's just a little side note of what's crazy. I always have applied to positions. I've been running brand psyche for years, but you know, if there's something really good out there, I'm not too proud to be like, hey, that's a really cool gig. Like, I'm down for that, I'll apply for that. So I've applied in the past for positions. Um, and sometimes those positions have gotten to like a second or third interview or even the final two. And for the most part, I haven't had, you know, I never got any of those positions. And so that's fine. I really love brand psyche. I love teaching. It was all good. But this job kind of fell into my lap. And again, I had an intuitive hit. I was like, ooh, I think I'm gonna get this job. And lo and behold, I did. And I'm working in nonprofit marketing and I love it. Um, the office is based in Houston, and it's a really good team. It's a really good cause. I'm really loving being on the nonprofit side. Of course I am, because you know, if you know me, then I know you know that I love storytelling and creating connection. And so I got this job. So, okay, we move here. Enough, you know, that's big enough change. Now my children are on the bus. Now, you know, I'm not dropping them off. Um, and I'm going and I'm driving to Houston. You know, I'm driving downtown every day, Monday through Friday. Um, my husband's back at his job, so he's going. Um, the girls are in a new school. We're all adjusting to new schedules. We're all figuring this out. And so most of 2025 from the last time we spoke altered the trajectory of our paths in major ways. So we had the move and then I had the shift back into corporate. Um, or you know, more of a traditional nine to five, I should say. Okay, so that's 2025, right? There's a lot of stuff going on in 2025. So 2026, we've swung into 2026. Let's catch it up there. I had taken a sabbatical from my PhD, and so I spent some time away from my PhD for the last year and a half because I wanted to really focus on in 2025 how I showed up professionally, and I wasn't able to do both of those things at the same time. So I had taken a break, totally fine, and I came back to it in 2026. So now I am back in my PhD. I just started that up uh only last month, so in May, it's a trimester. I am ABD, which means all but dissertation, and I'm in, you know, kind of the final stages, hopefully, of getting my proposal approved, so I can move into what's called IRB, so then I can do my research and move into um candidacy as I do my research, which means I would be a PhD candidate, not a PhD student anymore. So long journey. For those of you who don't know, I started my PhD journey in 2020. Um, and the first three years were like the easiest years. I'm not even gonna lie. Um, I just I just loved it. The hardest has been moving into the qualifying stages where I'm doing the pre-proposal um qualifying exam and then kind of moving into now the proposal stage. And in all, again, transparency and all truthfulness is that I had taken kind of multiple breaks, semester breaks during that time. So for the first two and a half years, I went full full time. And then starting in about 2020, probably end of 2020, I started taking kind of a semester break here and there, right? You're allowed a certain amount of breaks. So, you know, if life was busy or I needed to focus more on clients, I was allowed to take those breaks. So I did that. So even though I started in 2020, it's now 2026, I actually probably in total took off two and a half years, um, including this last year and a half that I took off. So I have had considerable amount of time in and out of the program just due to life circumstances. And I think it's really fair to say, for those of you who don't know the PhD process, it is really long, but I don't think enough people really talk about the need for it to be more flexible, especially as a working older adult, midlife adult. Uh, you've got potentially children or a partner or a demanding job, um, maybe you're caregiving for parents or other family members. And so there's it's just not really spoken a lot about. And so it is very normal in the world uh to you. I think a normal PhD takes eight years to complete. Um, I'm on trajectory for that. My goal is to complete this by next year. Now, here's what the really cool part is, and I'm I'm not gonna geek out too much, but I do really love this stuff, is I'm studying specifically around the theory of self-presentation and the extended self in a digital space. And I'm studying how mothers show up and both develop and maintain a digital identity around um specifically what we call sharenting, so how we share about our children. And so I'm looking at that from the lens of self-presentation. So self-presentation is how we how we like to present ourselves to others, and then the extended self-theory, which is this idea of like the things around us, like our job, our children, um, titles, whatever, diplomas, um, I mean, goodness, even our hobbies are all extended self uh mechanisms. So things that we use to present ourselves to others in a particular way. And I'm looking at mothers and how they do that in creating digital, um, digital identities with their children. So super cool stuff. I'm really into it. Um, but it really leads into the bigger thread of what I really love to talk about and have always loved to talk about is really that idea of like meaning making and the development of meaning and connections with others, especially in the digital space, but just in general. Story was an element of that for a really long time. And if you've known me for a long time, you know that brand storytelling really was the thing that I latched on to since 2017 and have made my own because truly, you know, humans are built for story. We're built for meaning. And that comes to the name of the podcast, which is built for meaning. And so, really, the the shift is now how I show up professionally. And so let's dig into that. So back into the PhD, we're in a new area, I'm in a new job. And if you know me, you know that I um have never really, I wouldn't say I'm built for a nine to five, but I wouldn't say I'm not built for it either. I think there are elements to the nine to five that work really well. But if you know me and you know the history I've had with living around the world and being able to build something from scratch, I just really love it. And so there's always going to be a part of me that wants that. So the new business has come from that. And there's a couple of things I want to touch on here that that are it's multi-layered, right? So there's the one side of it where we're saying goodbye to brand psyche, and that has become the hardest part for me. I had a sneaking suspicion in the equinox of 2025 in that fall that brand psyche had kind of run its course. Um, but I had I still had clients at that time. I was still taking clients. I um, you know, was working with different web clients through the end of the year. And so I said, you know, of course I'm not just gonna shut it down, but I kind of just had this like little, just like a little like poke, right? Like a universe, the universe was like, hey, you know, tapping me on the shoulder, being like, I think it's done. And I didn't like that. I didn't like the feeling of that, and there's a strong emotional component I think any of us have towards something that we've spent a long time building. And so um I was like, okay, I hear you, but I'm I'm you know, now's not the time. Let's just put it that way. That's what I kept saying. And so now's not the time. And so fast forward a little bit um to I guess the spring. And I just had this thing of like, I think brand psyche's done. I think, I think it's run its course, it had its time. And again, I was like, I don't think I want to hear that. Like, I'm gonna make brand psyche something, and I'm not that it wasn't something, but I'm gonna like keep it going. I think that's a better way to say it. And so I'm gonna keep it going. I don't want to give it up. I like the name, I like the ethos. Um, and I've been rooted in that for so long in order to make that business work for me. That um, gosh, giving like saying goodbye to that, I say giving it up, but like saying goodbye to that is really difficult. And so fast forward to today, and I've had a lot of thought in it, and and yeah, brand psyche is done. And there's a morning and a grief to that where I kind of had to sit with it for a while and be like, I think it's run its course. And to give it dignity is and respect is to say that you've run your course. I'm not gonna try to continue to make you fit into this ideal that I have. And while I loved what you are, I can't make you something else into this next phase of life. And I think we all do this, right? We've done, I'm sure we've all done this with relationships or friendships, um, romantic partners, work. You know, you you have something that worked for you for a really long time, and you wake up one day and realize, God, it's not working anymore. And a lot of us try to pull that thing into the future and try to make it something it's not, and that thing becomes distorted, and the thing that you once loved about it becomes an a nasty version of itself, right? Because we try really hard to hold on to it and make it and bring it forward with us when sometimes it just needs to be a really wonderful moment in our past and um and then say goodbye to that, right? And honor it. And I I have so much honor and respect for brand psyche and the business that I grew and what it taught me and my lessons. And maybe I'll do a separate podcast episode on all of that, but I have so much love for it, but I also recognize that um for me, in order to move forward, that means a new look, a new feel, and a new um, a new name. So, Built for Meaning, the podcast comes from that. I believe that all of us are built for meaning. And this newer audience, while I don't have a specific business name in mind yet, um, right now it's going to be operating under my name and the URL related to my name as of the time of this podcast recording. Um, so while I don't have a name for the business yet, Built for Meaning has really stood out for me as the podcast name. And the work that I'm now moving and shifting into really is inside that space of meaning making. So you'll hear me say a lot, like, hey, meaning makers, because we are meaning makers, and especially the audience that I now speak to, which is builders of things that that matter. Um, you might be a nonprofit professional, you might be a jack of all trades CEO or founder, you may not necessarily be into nonprofit, but you might be into mission making or mission building within your organization. I will speak to a lot of nonprofit um topics now moving forward. I will speak to behavioral psychology related to giving and funding and connection. I will be speaking to ways in which we can build retention and lower attrition, especially when it comes to donors, funders, um, and fans in general. And we're doing that through the lens of behavioral psychology and through this idea of how we get to show up and find meaning in giving, especially. And so one of the angles I'm taking is how are you developing meaning within your organization and with within others, especially funders and donors. And then um, how are those funders and donors finding meaning and what happens when they don't? And I'm specifically looking at a lot of the time ways in which we engage or re-engage with individuals that perhaps have lapsed. Um, so I'm not an acquisition, I'm not speaking to acquisition, it's not about sales, it's not about how to get them in the pipeline, but it's once they're in the pipeline, how do we keep them? How do we create meaning? Because, in my viewpoint, and this is something that's developed over time, but had really solidified for me in the last few months, was my viewpoint is that people don't give because your organization has given them enough facts or figures. They give because it's a part of their identity. And I think the part that we're missing, especially in nonprofit work, is that we ask for the give or we ask for the participation, but we forget that we need to link the meaning of our organization to a giver's identity. And all of us, and this is the work I do in the PhD, is that all of us create our identities through meaning making. We make something mean something, and then we attach it to ourselves, and the ego or the conscious mind says, ooh, I like who I am when this thing is in my life. I like who I get to be for others. I like the title, I like the, you know, the categorization, the segmentation of this. And so we do this every day. And so I'm now looking at that from a behavioral standpoint. And so I'm really excited about that. Um, I'm actually really, really excited about that. And it it's almost like a full-fledged moment where I've come around, you know, that circle and said, Oh, it all makes sense now, right? The meaning making, the storytelling, the connections, the, you know, and and then for me it really came into view when I said, oh my God, we're missing a huge understanding of how to um help people feel supported in identity creation around the act of giving for an organization. And so that's what I plan on doing is speaking about that and helping organizations do that more. So my goodness, it's been a hot minute and this is a hot take because if you've stayed this long and listened this long, I appreciate you. And I'm really excited for what's to come, and I hope you stay on that journey with me. In the meantime, um, I just want to say thank you. You know, if you've decided that this isn't any longer the podcast for you and you've listened to me for a long time, that's okay too. I just want to honor and thank you for being on this journey with me thus far. I do have a new Instagram. I will link that in the show notes. It's at built for meaning. You can subscribe to this podcast. But if you're saying, hey, um, I might just follow you on Instagram, Stephanie, I'm not gonna listen anymore, that's okay too. I just want to say thank you and honor absolutely everyone who's been on this journey with me thus far. And I'm really excited for the journey that's starting right now. So until next time, I will talk to you soon. Thanks, lovelies.