In this episode of Mind Your Own Dog Business, Kristen Lee talks about how if everyone likes you as a dog biz owner, you're doing it wrong.
Is there anything wrong with wanting to be liked? No. Not at all. It's okay that you want to be liked. Being kind and empathetic is a powerful human quality; plus, if you are a genuinely kind person, it also gives you an advantage in connecting with dog owners, potential clients, and overall being a badass and successful dog trainer, dog walker.
Now, where does the problem of HAVING TO BE LIKED BY EVERYONE OMG... come in as a dog trainer? When it comes at the expense of you being respected.
What you'll learn in this episode:
Another spicy episode for all of the dog trainers, dog walkers that are ready to break the rules in the business of dogs.
Episode resources:
Inc article - successful leadership
Mobile Mayhem - Klarissa Simpson
Links:
In this episode of Mind Your Own Dog Business, Kristen Lee talks about how if everyone likes you as a dog biz owner, you're doing it wrong.
Is there anything wrong with wanting to be liked? No. Not at all. It's okay that you want to be liked. Being kind and empathetic is a powerful human quality; plus, if you are a genuinely kind person, it also gives you an advantage in connecting with dog owners, potential clients, and overall being a badass and successful dog trainer, dog walker.
Now, where does the problem of HAVING TO BE LIKED BY EVERYONE OMG... come in as a dog trainer? When it comes at the expense of you being respected.
What you'll learn in this episode:
Another spicy episode for all of the dog trainers, dog walkers that are ready to break the rules in the business of dogs.
Episode resources:
Inc article - successful leadership
Mobile Mayhem - Klarissa Simpson
Links:
You're listening to the mind, your own dog business podcast. I'm your host, a leading expert in dog business, strategic Kristen Lee guys. Get ready for your journey, your journey to cutting edge marketing and sales, creating a standout kick ass dog business brand. Along with mastering your mindset. That's going to smash. All of this glass ceilings that have been holding you back and catapult your dog was this to the next level. With actionable steps, you can take right away. We're going to empower you. We're going to grow you as you step into your authentic self. Not only as a dog trainer, dog Walker, or what ever slice the pet industry, you find yourself in. But as that bad-ass entrepreneur, my mission is to disrupt the current norm. Cut through the noise, cut through the bullshit and empower the incredible women of the dog business industry to step into the spotlight, reclaim control and transform not only their businesses, but their lives. It's real. It's raw. It's uncensored. And it's what this dog business industry needs. Let's do this guys. What is going on, everybody. Welcome to today's. Bad-ass episode of the mind, your own dog biz podcast. I'm your host, Kristen fucking leader. I'm here to teach you how to break the fucking rules on the way you do the business. Yes, the business of dogs. Now, today is going to be a spicy one. Guys stay. We're going to talk about if everybody likes you. Everybody likes you. If you're one of those people that like, yeah, everybody likes me. I'm cool. I'm cool. I'm easy to get along with, you're doing it wrong. Boom. Yes. I said it. I set it at the expense of being a liked myself because I'll give a fuck if you like me or dog to school. It's it is what it is. Anyway, before we hop into this episode, I do want to take a quick moment and to invite all of you, amazing dog trainers and dog walkers, and pet. Industry pros that happened to listen to this podcast to come on over and join us in our face book group that pet Doug biz owners group. What I'll do is I'll link the direct link to join. Now, here's, what's really fucking dope about our group. I'm gonna let you in why you want to know why, because we're not here to sell you shit. We don't fucking care. It's literally just a playground and almost like think tank for our founder, Maggie, Christina, and some of our other admins and team members. We don't want your money. We're not here to fucking throw marketing shit down your throat or how to get more leads or how to optimize your website. Like, well, throw that stuff down your throat once in a while with some masterclasses and just have conversations around it. But we, we're not here to sell you shit. So if you want to go to a place where the group owners don't care, if you buy from us or not, we just want to kind of talk with you, connect with you, hang out. Think of it as like a virtual bar I'm sober right now. So I think of it as like a virtual mocktail bar, but as a place to come, just kind of chill. It's like a clubhouse it's. Just like, come over, sing some karaoke, get a little drunk, listen to our stories, share your story and talk about some, some growth and some business strategy, but we're not here to freaking throw stuff. We're not going to like shove stuff down your throat when we're like launching something. So feel free to join us. I'd love to see all of your faces there. And if you do join us post in the group and be like, Hey, Kristen fucking sent me here. Hi, I'm here. What am I doing here? Ah, I'm scary. And then drop a hilarious gift because I'm all about that gift life. All right. So I want to talk very clearly on this episode because it's one that is probably going to hit home with everybody listening at some point, right. At some point here's the thing, not everyone is going to like you. And if everyone likes you, you're doing it wrong. Now that's not my quote. That's a quote by Betty Davis. I can't, I can't take credit for that. I'm all about giving credit where credit's due. We'll talk about that in the episode too, which is hilarious, but not everybody's going to like you as a dog trainer, as a dog Walker, it doesn't even matter your training methodologies or your personality or what you do or how you show up. People aren't just going to like you and that is okay. No matter what you do, no matter how much of your personal red carpet you lay out for every single fucking person in your life, no matter how you act, no matter how you say or what you say or what you pre-planned to say or what you respond with. And if you move through your dog training business to make everyone like you, or you want to appeal for every one. To like, like you and not rock the boat because you know, conflict, tension, confrontation freak you out. I gotta let you know this guys because you got to take a lesson from the Kristen Lee buck here. You're doing it wrong way, fucking wrong. And you're exhausting yourself too. That's the thing about business. Before we go into this a little bit more. I want to go off on a little quick tangent. As a business owner, it doesn't matter if you're a dog trainer or a dog Walker or whatever the fuck else you do, you could be picking up poop or like taking dogs and runs or whatever your job is to uniquely polarize your audience of paying people. Now I get it. There's a lot of judgment and fear and shame from other professionals. And there's also a lot of judgment, fear and shame when it comes to clients. But your goal as a professional is to weed out the people that absolutely fucking love you. They're your brand cheerleaders. And then the people that absolutely fucking right can't stand you. Okay. Here's the thing I always think about this. There is a movie called private parts by Howard stern. Excellent movie, actually. Great story. It's hilarious. And it's about when Howard stern was all the rage in the early to mid night, 1990s, I'm dating myself here. I'm an eighties baby. And one day the producer was looking at the numbers and they're like, I don't get it. His super fans listen on average for like eight to 10 minutes a day. I might be misquoting this, but his super haters. Listen on average for two hours a day. Because that's the thing, guys, when you're polarizing, people are going to frigging hang on to every one of your words, whether they love you or they hate you. And guess what? They're always going to share their opinion and your stories and whatever else, your messaging, no matter what you do. So fuck having everybody likes you. It's freeing. And I get it. Like I'm not sitting here on my high horse talking about this. Cause I'm gonna tell you my story in a little bit about this. There is a unique fear of judgment or that deep seated, like old patterns we have, we bring into business being a professional people, pleaser it's been ingrained in all of us. Um, it always has. It comes like, Hey, be professional. Don't curse. Don't have tattoos on your hands or your neck. Where, where, you know, polos and khakis, you know, don't be all funky. Don't appear sings in your face. Don't do this. Don't do that. Look. The part don't be too much. Ladies. Don't show much to skin ladies. Don't take up too much space. The client is always right. Blah fucking blog. If I had a video camera on me right now, I'd be giving. This stuff in this bullshit advice, I don't know who came up with it. Some old fucking white CIS dudes to tell people how to run their business fucking controllers. Well, I fucking bluff. Fuck that shit, guys. You are able to have a business that not everybody likes you. Okay. And when I talk about not everybody like you, I'm not just talking about your clients. I'm talking about your colleagues too. You don't, I know there's a unique need for camaderie and community and everything like that. Well, we don't need to walk on eggshells anymore, especially when it comes to clients. Oh, Oh my God. And I get it. Like I've seen other dog trainers and pet businesses be burnt to the ground. I've seen it in training groups when somebody is like, Hey, I'm thinking about doing this. And can I get some advice and just, it's like a pile-on effect. It's like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. It's just like, people are just beating up and it's like, all right. So I'm going to either not say shit and jeweler in the quarters and be fucking scared to that because of these people or I'm going to, uh, really, really just always be like on top of my shit, make everybody like me be polite. So I don't sound angry. I don't do this. I don't do that or whatnot. Right. That's the thing, guys. When you do that, you literally are killing yourself. You are selling your soul to likeability. Okay. There's a thing where you want to train. You want to train, or you want to change your mindset from likeability to authenticity and authority. Now am I saying with the unique need of being liked? Am I saying not to be a nice person or a kind person? No, absolutely not. You don't want to be a fucking Dick or douchebag, like you're not going to get far in life. If you're a Dick or arrogant, douchebag. But you want to be uniquely you and not fucking have to censor yourself. Now you might not be a cursor like me. I am, I'm a cursor. Like that's just who I am. Does that make me any less intelligent or educated? Absolutely fucking, not like guys, like seriously. And I know other people have that opinion of me. Do I care? No. The only thing I care about is my parents sleeping very well at night with my Ivy league MBA hanging over their fucking head head when they go to bed. I'm successful. My parents are proud of me. I'm proud of myself. My husband's proud of me. My business partner is proud of me. I'm proud of everything that I accomplished. I don't care if people like me or not just because I curse just because I have tattoos or just because I work with a specific organization or whatnot. Now the other thing, I see a lot of people doing, especially when it comes to be new in business or how they show up is they start to look up to other entrepreneurs, right. They start to look up to other ones. They really respect. And I get that. We always do that. We always take traits of the people we respect and try to like replicate them. But what happens is too, I see people start to shift inside identity. So like, Um, a couple months ago, I actually called out one of our students because she was super quiet before. And then all of a sudden she's dropping middle finger, she's cursing. And I'm like, Whoa, Whoa, that is not you. Like what's going on. And she's like, Oh, I just, I know it worked for you guys. And I'm like, no, no, that's not how you do it. This is not you. And we started to craft around like, okay, we got to find your true authenticity, but I see it all the time too. So coming from a business coaches perspective, I cannot tell you how many. Floods of ads. I see a people that are literally carbon copies of other people. It just it's like fucking clones. And I'm like, Jesus fucking Christ, just because Amy Porterfield had success or Gary V is unfiltered and, you know, raw and kind of like in your face, like I get that I'm part I'm like that. That's just, my personality always has been. Or the Marie folio has the pretty stuff and the branding or the grant Cardone a hundred extra business, bro. They're flooding the market and I get it. But you, you can't repeat that wheel. You ha you can respect the people that you respect too, and start to embrace some of the qualities, but just because everybody likes them. Doesn't mean they're going to like you. So just think about that. Guys. Think about it, how you're creating your own online personality and your own business owner around having to be fucking light and having like avoiding conflict, avoiding tension, avoiding everything else, confrontation in your business because it's going to fucking kill you. It's going to burn you out. It's going to make you resentful as fuck. And I can tell you from my own perspective, it's gonna, it's gonna happen. It's gonna come to a fucking head like an ingrown hair guys. Now am I saying. Is there anything wrong with wanting to be liked? Absolutely not. Like absolutely not. It's a fucking human, psychological sociological needs to be liked. Right. Cause if we're not liked were outcasts the society and we don't want that. And it's okay that you want to be light. It's like, I'm not saying like, not go through life, not wanting to be liked. There's something uniquely wrong with you. No, that's not. It at all being kind and empathetic is a powerful, powerful human quality in a quality of you. It's a very, very powerful value to have as a person, especially as a business owner, especially somebody being in the business of dogs. And if you're a genuinely kind person, like deep down, you are just a kind person, it also gives you a vantage when it comes to connecting with dog owners and potential clients and overall being a good business owner, you can be kind, but also have boundaries around that. Right. That's the thing, that's the thing, you know, not being for everybody and knowing you're okay with that is a powerful fucking boundary. It commands respect to you. Now where does this problem of having to be liked by everybody come in as a dog trainer? Well, what's the expense of it. You might be like, well, I'm going through life and nothing's ever been detrimental. I'm pretty happy. I have a really great circle of friends and Kristen I'm kind person. Everybody actually likes me. Okay, cool. I'm proud of you. That's great. But I S I know, deep down, there's something else going on. Here's the thing. Where is it a problem when you need to be liked by everybody, you sacrifice the expense of respect to you by throwing down your boundaries by, uh, being a doormat by being a people, pleaser and whatnot, meaning how you allow others to respect you is a fricking key indicator. If you want everybody to like you, or if you're trying to, trying to have everybody like you now, what do I mean by that? How to others respect you, your family? That's a tough one. I mean, everybody loves her. Well, not everybody loves her family and that's okay too. But your family, how does your family respect you and treat you? Did you grow up like with an authoritary parent, like or did you grow up with a very, very like loose and kind of non-conservative non judgemental family? How do your friends treat you? Do your friends only call you when they need something or they need to emotionally dump on you. How do your colleagues and peers treat you now, this is what I want you to think of. How do your fucking clients treat you? Do your clients follow your direction and your guidance and your leadership as a dog trainer, do they follow your processes, your programs, your outlines, your blueprints. You give them to help them with their dog, or maybe if you're a dog Walker or a pack Walker, and you do some unique training with that. And you're like, Hey, listen, I think fluffy Mick butter plants need some extra socialization because I noticed some reactivity or whatnot. I would love to help you with that. Okay. And then you find out that they hired a fucking dog trainer or a fucking pet store, pet smart dog trainer. How do your prospective clients treat you when they email you? How do you email them back? Are you like super excited, positive, like, Hey it's hi, thank you so much. And like explanation points or do you lay it out and be like, okay, this is how the process goes in order to get you into a program. And how do, how do you, how do you allow other strangers to treat you on the internet? Do you allow somebody to fucking steamroll you and then you're just like, whatever, I'm going to take the high road and fucking block it out. Where do you stand up for yourself? Or you're like, you know what? I'm not gonna even look at this because here's the thing too about taking the high road. Sometimes abusers want you to take the high road, trolls want you to take the high road just so they can have the last word. That's a whole other story, but listen, you have to really understand. If everyone likes you, where else is this showing up? Where else are you allowing people to disrespect you in your life, in your business too? I'm going to, I'm going to tell you my story, because I learned this the hard way. All right. On the outside, I've shared this before. I seem like this powerful. All knowing bad-ass Christian have tattoos and curse words and education. And like, I have like this huge protective wall built around me. If you know me, I'm a fucking big ass off you. I'm in, like, you can fucking rub my belly. And I just would purr like a kitten. Well, not really don't rub my belly cause I don't like being tickled or touched like that unless. You're a special person. To me that was a little dirty anyway, but like on the outside, I seem like I'm this strong, imposing, like authority type person. Right. That's just my personality. That's who I am. But a couple of years ago, guys, when I started in business coaching, Before I start working with dog at school, I fucking crumble like a brick wall. Now in my corporate career, you could not fuck with me. Like I was, I was like, I would tell you, like it is, I would tell you the fucking truth. I would frickin part of my job. And I was doing a lot of communications, was breaking down like some bad news to CEOs and vice versa and breaking it down and making it plat, like palatable or playable or whatever. Yeah. To other people. So like, I was a force to be reckoned with. And the moment I started business coaching, I brought that over and I was like, Oh my God, like talk trainers. And like, I was married to a dog trainer already and I was with the dog trainer and I'm like, Oh my God, these people need to be like gently held. And like my God, they give so much. So I started really people pleasing and really letting my boundaries down and really ha like just putting my self respect on the line in order for my, my clients to like me. That was a clusterfuck. Hello? That was a million dollars. He got $550,000 mistake. I'm not kidding.$550,000 mistake there because that's the thing. The moment I was like, Oh my God, everybody's got to like me because they're paying me and whatnot. I over-delivered, I did this. I, I withheld some truths and some like real transparency with them in order, just to be like, to have these clients, to have this money coming in at that time. I fucked up big and it all came to a head a couple of years ago like that. And we're S I'm still dealing with the repercussions of those actions and it was just because I had to be light. And that's the thing why I'm telling you it's, it's okay to have that unique need to want to be liked, but learn from my excuse. You know, I always say don't let our pain be in vain. You have to be respected as a professional, as a human too. All right. So also when we're talking about the respect and being liked, we also have to be willing to be polarizing too, when it comes to your business. Now, I want to specifically talk about how you connect with perspective dog owners, dog, owning clients as a dog trainer, as a dog Walker. Now I'm not talking about worrying what other people are looking at your content, giving you feedback. I'm talking about. Polarizing and having to polarize your dog business brand because your goal guys, your goal as a dog trainer is not to entertain and try to convince the people in the middle to come on over and be your business besties and, you know, work with you. Right. And work with you as a dog trainer and get our things you want to have that 50, 50 delineated split where people that either love the fuck out of you for what you do. Like I was talking about with Howard stern before back in the 1990s, or fucking hate you, no matter what you say, you can't. Be a fucking middle sitter because when you start to be a middle sitter in order not to like rock your boat, like a middle, I would not middle sitter. Cause that sounds like I'm talking about pet sitters, which I'm not, but like a middle of the fence sitter and you start to just gear towards everybody. That's where your messaging comes. Generic and basic bitch. That's where a lot of times the people that come in. Maybe they're good fits, maybe are not good fits, but there's going to be leverage from improvement when you cater to the masses. That's the territory I'm talking about. I want every single one of you guys out there this week that is listening to just listening to this episode is put something out there that is uniquely polarizing. Put something out there that's uniquely polarizing. I'll give you a good person to look up to. Okay. I'm going to give you a really good person to look up to who uses polarization. And she uses her ethics and her values in her marketing, uh, mobile mayhem and CA um, uh, Ontario, Canada. I believe it's Ontario or Toronto. She is very vocal about. Social dashes, which you should be if you have a fucking platform and you're a white fucking person, you have a responsibility to be fucking vocal. Okay. I'm just saying, she's also very vocal about educating the dog owning market about different training methodologies as well. Look up to her to see how you can do something fucking respectful, respectful to herself, respectful to her business brand hurt, respectful to dog training and also respectful to her market. But she's not afraid to rock the boat. K, same thing with us. You either love us or you hate us when it comes to our marketing. I love it. You know what I love to say my favorite thing in the road, the same is when I post something that's polarizing, like if you're busy, there's something wrong in your business because truth be told there is something most likely wrong in your business because busy, busy doesn't equal success and the amount of unfollows and unlikes and comments I get from that. Cause it's polarizing because that's my truth. That's what I want to speak. So when you start to really be polarizing, when you accept not everybody's going to like you, and if everybody's like, you likes you, you're doing it wrong. And your marketing is you want to make sure your voice, your messaging, how you respond to people, how you respond to increase in your brand identity, reflects the polarization aspect that reflects it attracts and detracts people in. All right. So I'm going to wrap this baby up cause I didn't. Often tangents here, but this is a really good episode. Now, how do you know if you're a dog pro that has a tendency to feel the need to be liked? Now again, remember big, bad, Kristin here had this issue. These are the sneaking little. Points. I want to show you these little fucking bullet points that I found that I'm like, Oh yeah, that was me. How do you know if you're on that edge of having everybody like you? And you're trying to be for everybody, you seek positive attention and approval. It's okay. I'm gonna eat a gram three. Listen. Instagram three. We love attention. We love fucking positive affirmations. We love to be fucking celebrated for our work and our output. Okay. But if that's consistently seeking just positive attention and approval, you might have a tendency to feel the need to be liked. The next thing is you rather engage in gossip or talking after hours rather than giving somebody direct feedback. Okay. Now I'm talking about if a client is not doing the work okay. And you're like, God damn it. You get home. You're fucking bitching. And it's a form of gossiping or emotionally dumping on somebody versus really connecting with them. Being like, listen, Deborah, Deb, Deb, this is what you need to do. You need this direct feedback versus going home and blowing up on a partner or a spouse. You also. Keep strong opinions to yourself. You see somebody acting out of not cool. They're saying something wrong and you just sit there. You're like, okay, I'm not gonna say anything. Um, you know what, I'm not going to call it the end. I'm not going to call it the two organizations I'm thinking of. But for example, the compliancy of certain organizations when there was a sexual predator and they still allowed him to attend, uh, conferences and still promoted him. I'm not going to say it, but you know what I'm talking about because Nicoli, they worried about being a people pleaser in the tendency, in the survival of being a people, pleaser, people that have a tendency to feel the need to be liked is they play favorites. Okay. It happens. People play favorites. It's this whole circle jerk cycle. Another one is P they give people tasks. They, they rather enjoy than like assignments that really stretch in, uh, challenge them. So like, if you're an employer and you're like, you know what? I know so-and-so really likes to do this, but I really needed her to do this, but I don't want to catch feedback on this. You give the person the easier tasks that they enjoy and they like. That's not how you do business guys. And the last one is focus more on how people feel versus achieving the outcome. Meaning making somebody feel good versus actually challenging them to get the desired outcome they deserve. If you're coaching somebody with dog training, if you're working with a dog and even if you're just pet sitting here, like damn, this dog needs more work, more exercise, more socialization needs a maintenance plan. And you kind of pander to the dog owners, feelings and needs. You don't want them to feel bad or whatnot because you know, they're busy. Boom, you're fucking, you're trying to get everybody to like you guys now on the other spectrum, if you're healthy, which some of you probably are, which is dope. I love you. I'm going to shout you guys out. Professionals who recognize the importance of being respected without being liked, are more inclined to do this. Tell the truth, even if it's Onpro unpopular, even if you're going to get potentially ousted from your circle circles, your circle circles from your circle, social circles, explain your thinking behind the different, difficult decisions they make. As a leader, it's sometimes hard to explain the really, really hard decisions. Like for example, a couple of weeks ago, I had to let a client go. And I started going right back into people, pleasing mode. I'm like, it's not you it's, uh, Spelman, but I'm like, no, no, no, no. This is the reason why I had to make this difficult decision, acknowledge the elephant in the room. There's always going to be an elephant in the room, even if he can't fix it. But you got to talk about it. People that recognize the importance of being respected. We'll talk about the elephant in the room. There'll be open-minded and decisive. They're not indecisive. They give credit to when it's due to others and also take it when it's due to themselves. That's a huge one, huge, huge, huge one guys and people that are healthy when they understand if everybody doesn't like them. They can tolerate feeling feelings of disappointment, frustration, Sanger, Agnes, uh, sadness, anger in themselves and others. And they also also are consistent and fair in setting rules and expectations and holding other people accountable. All right, cool. And the last thing, this is something that's really powerful is they model the behavior they expect from others. Boom. So if you want to keep going through your dog biz, like if everybody likes you and that you're for everybody, you're going to keep getting drained and you're going to sell your soul. It's your choice. But I got to tell you guys gotta tell you the freedom to be you and use your authentic voice as a business owner, create some pretty dope results, not just financially, but also. Spiritually as well. It's freeing, it's fucking freeing. And it's hilarious how little things are going to bother you any more. You're just going to legit laughing. I promise you that one. And as Margaret Thatcher, once remark, it's a quote from Margaret Thrasher. If you just set out to be liked, you. W would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time and you would achieve nothing. So listen to your girl, Margaret Thatcher on that one, guys. All right. I had a good one with you guys. I told you it was going to be spicy and hot and controversial, but I'll talk to you later. And if I don't, that's cool too. Bye guys. Hey there, thank you for listening to another bad-ass episode of mind, Euro dog business. If you haven't already subscribed. What are you waiting for? Oh my God. Go and subscribe now. So you don't miss out on any of our content pack, dog business jam sessions, plus special offers that I'm going to only be sharing with my amazing Doug business entrepreneurial podcast listeners. Now, if you've enjoyed this episode, Be sure to leave a five star kick-ass review. So more amazing dog business owners, just like yourself, confine us, and starts to transform and disrupt their businesses and their lives unapologetically. And if you feel so inclined, feel free to tag me on Instagram with a screenshot of this episode and holler at your girl. I'm at dog-walker coach. You can find me dog-walker coach and I'll pop up and I'll give you a special shout out. All right guys, til next time. Bye.