Much of our lives is driven by the craving for approval. This desire is so powerful in our lives and shapes so much of our behavior. It could even be called an addiction. We confuse approval with love, which it isn't. No matter how much approval we receive, it never truly satisfies. We always want more. We intensify the feeling by telling ourselves stories about how awful it is not to be approved of. We base our identity upon it. We allow it to generate feelings of revenge. Basically, we cling to the wanting of approval for dear life. What we do not realize is that as soon as we learn to identify the painful feeling and let go it go, real satisfaction and love are only a few steps away. .
Much of our lives is driven by the craving for approval. This desire is so powerful in our lives and shapes so much of our behavior. It could even be called an addiction. We confuse approval with love, which it isn't. No matter how much approval we receive, it never truly satisfies. We always want more. We intensify the feeling by telling ourselves stories about how awful it is not to be approved of. We base our identity upon it. We allow it to generate feelings of revenge. Basically, we cling to the wanting of approval for dear life. What we do not realize is that as soon as we learn to identify the painful feeling and let go it go, real satisfaction and love are only a few steps away. .
Good morning. Good morning. This is dr Brandon Shoshana back with another episode of turning the tide. The journey of releasing and what we're doing of course through this process is breaking free from the virus of fear, anger, hatred, on and on and on. So many, many, many fears and so much that is generated within fear because of fear. And of course everybody says how, how, how do we let all these very painful, disturbing, confusing feelings go and each of our episodes, one builds upon the next is offering you some basic steppingstones guidelines to the wonderful, wonderful method which was brought in for us years ago by Lester Levenson who is actually available. You can see he's not alive now, but you can see his talks and workshops on YouTube and I am now wanting to share many of these beautiful, simple teaching skills and tools with you due to everything that's going on. And thank you so much for writing all your wonderful emails. So much support and help and thank God for that because we need right now are very, very simple and basic and workable way to deal with all the chaos that we're facing. Okay, so this is episode three and what we were talking last time about the feeling of wanting to change it, that wanting to change something is a feeling. Remember that was episode the episode previous to this. It's a feeling and we were getting in touch with that feeling and letting it go. So now we're going to go to the next step, which is very fascinating step because these, what we're doing is rooting out, pulling out the roots rather than the branches of the trees. The branches of the trees go on and on this story, that story, we dwell upon all the different events, people, stories, feelings, but we're going to go to the root and and pull out the root so that all of this negativity tend to solve. So I'm going to talk today about a very deep want within us. It's almost a force which gives fuel and energy and steam to a lot of the pain that we go through. A lot of the fear, a lot of the anger, and actually to a lot of the disruption and difficulty in our relationships. Today I'm going to talk about the feeling and remember, all of these are just feelings. We're senior to our feelings. We are not our feelings. We can feel them and let them go. That's a very important and fundamental point in this training. We are not our feelings. We're senior to them by senior, I mean we're in charge of innocence because we can feel them, see them, become aware of them, and also allow them to leave. Okay? They're not a part of us. They're really just passing through like a breeze through a tree. Unfortunately we'd be, we don't know that. So we cling to these feelings. So let's talk about our next feeling that we're gonna work with today. And that's the feeling of wanting approval. Oh, that's so deep. Approve of me. Approve of me. Let me know. I'm okay that so, so much. So much of our lives are fueled and I mean fueled by this longing for approval. So much of it, as soon as we begin to allow ourselves to recognize the feeling and become aware of that, we will be uh, maced. Amazed. And I must say one more thing, which is very important. There's a big confusion about this longing and craving for approval. Most it, which actually becomes an addiction. Most of us think that when we're approved of, well then we're loved. Oh, he approves or she approves of me, that means she loves me. That means I'm okay. There are three parts to this. One part is if somebody else gives me approval, that means that then I'm okay. Then my identity is set up and that identity is, I'm okay. If they don't give me approval, very often that translates into, uh, something wrong with me or something bad's going to happen. I'll be rejected. I'll be tossed away on an on. Isn't this interesting? It's so actually interesting when we look at it. Somebody could be in a bad mood that day. You could be wanting approval from someone who has no approval to give that they don't approve of themselves. I don't approve of anything. And yet you base your identity on whether or not they are going to approve of you, not so smart or the next piece of confusion that this generates. Well, if they approve of me, then they love me. We don't, we don't really differentiate between what love is, which is of course what we are fundamentally all wanting to feel and to give of course. But let's stick right now with the, this differentiation here between the feeling of approval or wanting approval and the illusion that approval is love. It's not. It's not. And that's why no matter how much approval you receive, deep down, it doesn't really satisfy. And maybe for a few minutes you get a buzz, you feel high. Oh, you feel very good. They're all approving of me, but it really cannot and does not last long because it's just a fleeting feeling and it has nothing to do with love. It's extremely conditional. You're approved of because you behave in a way that pleases someone else or you go along with them or you give them what they need and then, okay, they approve of you of course, and you feel, Oh, I'm so wonderful, or they're so wonderful, or both, so wonderful, and then of course something else will happen and I don't approve of you anymore. You didn't give them what they need. You didn't fulfill their fantasy. You, you said something, but you were true to yourself and it rubbed someone the wrong way. Bang. What happens to all the approval? Then? Where did it go? Boom. Gone. So much heartbreak. So much heartbreak comes as a result of this comes out of not differentiating between this wanting approval and what it really is. It's a drug. It's really a truck. I'm being very extreme by saying that, but actually it's the truth. Give me more approval. Give me more ice cream. I just want to feel good about who I am and it comes from basically fundamentally not really knowing who we are and defining ourselves through the reactions of others. Now love, feeling love, being loved, giving love, living a life of love, which is what this program is basically all about is very, very different. It's something very different. It is not conditional. That's the very important point to say right now. It doesn't depend on somebody fulfilling your needs or looking the way you want or giving you what you want. That's it's a whole different fish, whole different ball game, whatever you a whole different energy. We're going to go into that a lot a little bit later and actually you know what? When you release these feelings of wanting to change something, of wanting approval, when you really, I will do that today, identify them, feel them and let them go. Gas. What? Love bubbles up because love is who you basically are. What you basically feel and these feelings are counterfeits. They're masks, they're, they're keeping the love that you feel and that you are out of your awareness, so it's very good idea. It's a wonderful idea to let these feelings, other feelings go and we'll practice it. You don't have to. Let's throw, we said don't believe a word I say. Take it for checking. And I loved when he said that, take it for checking. This is not a theology, it's not a dogma. It's a description of what goes on and check it out for yourself and see. And the beauty of it is that each person as they practice it and check it, they get very interesting reactions and they see for themselves, they see for themselves. Oh wow, what a wonderful relief to let go, what a beautiful feeling I'm having now. And then that that will go to of course and another feeling more calm. And we work on this where it's like, you know, you cook a chicken soup and the top, all the, all the grease and the fat comes to the top and be kind of skimming the top, skimming the fat off the chicken soup, skimming the negativity out of our lives. So let's practice it right now. I want to give you a taste of it because just talking about it is one thing. We want to practice it together. And so right now and then of course I'm asking, please write to me@topspeakeratyahoo.com if you want to let me know how it's going, any questions, anything like that and I'll give you more resources, um, at the end of the podcast where you can also practice this as well. So for now, just get in touch with the feeling of wanting approval. I think of someone whose approval you want or something you want approval for. That'd be something you've done and nobody noticed. Nobody mentioned it, you didn't get the recognition or the response you desired. Just get in touch with that feeling. Maybe you'll feel disappointment. Maybe you'll feel sad, maybe you'll feel angry. Can you take it one step deeper and get in touch with the feeling of wanting approval? Maybe you want your own approval. Maybe you lack your own approval. When we want approval, wanting something is lacking it. We don't have it. We wouldn't want it if we had it. There was a feeling of lacking approval. Just feel it. Now, the first step as I've say over and over in each podcast is just feel that feeling. It's a feeling. Don't get lost in the story. I did this and he didn't do that and blah, blah, blah. Don't do that. Go into your body. It's a body practice in many ways. Feel this feeling in your body wanting approval. Where do you feel it? That's a good way to ground it. Where do you feel it in your chest? Tummy had? Where do you feel it? No. Can you let go of the feeling of wanting approval? You can. It's a decision. It's a choice. Just decide for now to let it go. See what happens. You can take it back later if you want. Just let it go. We're pausing. We're not rushing. We're giving ourselves a moment to be acquainted with the feeling and then to allow it to leave. You don't have to push it out. You don't have to hate it. You can just allow it to go, go on its Merry way. Strangely enough, this feeling have no intention and finding a home with you originally popped up. Something happened. You wanted the approval, but you're holding onto it. You're hugging it for many different reasons. You're making a story up about it. You're going to get revenge because of it. You're solidifying it. Maybe you're even basing your life upon it. Maybe you're even basing your identity upon it. Oh, look at me. I'm a victim. I want approval, and I never get it. On and on and on. Just a simple little feeling, a painful feeling, a very painful feeling that I could leave easily. Let it leave now, just for now. Let it leave. It's not your friend. It's not helpful. You know? So many of us, it's so interesting, fascinating, feel victimized either by life itself, by circumstances, by a person, many, many, many, and it's very, it's easy to understand why we would feel that way. What we don't see is that it's our own feelings that are victimizing us, that are hurting us, causing anguish, pain, and that we can let them go. All of them go. So let's try this now. One more time together. Think of something maybe where you didn't get that approval you wanted or ask yourself, do I want, is this some place, some person, some situation now and maybe something from the past will bubble up. You know, as we take this on and do it as a real practice, which is such a wonderful practice, all kinds of things bubble up. A memory will bubble up where we didn't get that approval that we wanted so badly and we're still harboring that painful memory within. And you know that memory itself could cause us to shut down, be angry with the chore. Even today, even though that happened so many years ago, it could be stopping so many beautiful experiences from happening. It's not stopping. We are stopping it because that memory is active and alive within and what's keeping it there, planted there, what's holding it? There is this feeling, this energy of wanting approval. So if the memory bubbles up, that's fabulous. Let it bubble up. Feel it. Look at it. See that I want approval here. Wow. Could you let go of that feeling of wanting approval now? Now let go of it now. And the energy will begin to dissipate. The pain will begin to go away and so will your impediments as a result of that memory. Now I'm not saying we just do it once, it will come up again and again. People will say, well, I let it go and here it is again. No, whatever you let go is gone. Whatever comes up some more and you're re you're taking it, you're, you're clearing it up layer by layer and whatever is gone. Excuse me. Whatever is gone gives you so much more freedom and ease and whatever is left to go is left and it will leave more quickly as you develop this new muscle, new habit, new way, which is the way of releasing and letting go, rather than holding on and believing the painful stories. These feelings tell us, as I said in one of the earlier podcasts, these feelings are bullies. They are bullies and they are liars. Liar. They will tell us all kinds of things, whisper all kinds of stories and then they give them a way to stay and to get stronger and to seem real and they're not. They're not real. 99% of the time, if you look into it deeply, a lot of what they tell us is simply not so. So we will go into this more and more.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Podcasts by podcasts. I don't want to overwhelm in any one of them. Take this work with it, enjoy it. Do it with a friend, even do it with uh, a family member. Do it with someone who might enjoy it because it's very good to share it. To have a partner, to share the process with someone and to support each one in doing the releasing as well. You can ask your partner, could you let go of wanting, what is that? Is that a feeling of wanting to change it? Could you let go of wanting to change it?
Speaker 2:[inaudible]
Speaker 1:is it a feeling of wanting approval? Can you let go of the feeling of wanting approval? Ask one another, support one another. Share this process together. And I, as I said, if you go on YouTube, there are teachers on YouTube offering little workshops or talks or my more and more understanding of the method. They've left 11 son who was the founder. There's the release technique, there's held while skin who's a wonderful teacher and his is called the Sedona method. And many people teach this in different ways. Chris Dillard is another good teacher depending on, on your taste, on what you resonate with different people enjoy releasing with different people. Everyone has taken the method and they offer it in a slightly different way, but it's all the basic method and I'm very, very honored and happy to share it with you. Again, if you want to hear the other podcasts, the the website for this turning the tide is www, best self books.com and you'll just scroll down a little bit and you'll see the podcast for turning the tide. There are other, there are other, some other podcasts down there too about relieving stress and the journey of releasing. It's a little further down so you can just look it over. Um, I'll be back soon with the next podcast episode. And by the way, I have written a book called many years ago, but it's very relevant now. Fearless seven steps to peace of mind. I believe it's available on Amazon if you're interested. Okay. Thank you so much for listening and I'll be with you again very soon. Bye. Bye.