#73: Habits vs. Rituals

Habits and rituals, two seemingly different words, but really tied very closely together, one just holds a little more power than the other.

The word "ritual" can make some people cringe.  It can take your mind all sorts of places, but in this episode I invite you to consider looking at the word slightly differently.

Whether your in the "habits" camp or the "rituals" camp, or possibly even both camps, like I am, one thing is certain, being intentional about your habits is crucial in keeping exhaustion, overwhelm and burnout at bay. 

Find out what "ritual" really means, and why it's not just a word for worshiping something.
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Resources:
Intention-setting Worksheet

Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, Greg McKeown

Atomic Habits, James Clear

#52: Intention-setting for Focus in Life, Energetic Rhythms Phase 1

#54: Taking Action and Letting It Go, Energetic Rhythms Phase 2

More Episodes Like This One:
#68: How to Make Transitions Effortless, Part 1
#69: Three Essentials to Make Transitions Effortless, Part 2

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Transcript

Cathy: 0:00

Habits and rituals two seemingly different words, but really tied, very closely together. One just holds a little more power than the other. Hey friends. Welcome to episode 73 of the podcast. Because we are talking about habits and rituals today, this episode is brought to you by the intention setting worksheet. Now in the past, I've often called this the intention setting ritual worksheet. So it might give you a little insight into why this episode is brought to you by that particular worksheet. Nonetheless, if you haven't set intentions in the past, or don't even know what intentions are. I've got a podcast about that. You might have to scroll back a little bit. I think it's episode 52. And It's all about beginning to set intentions. If you haven't set intentions before you don't necessarily. Have to do anything special. Although today we're going to talk about how to make that a little bit more impactful in your life. But you certainly can. I do something special and I've got just the tool to help you with that. It is this intention setting worksheet. It walks you through the process of how to set intentions and just some additional elements that could go along with setting intentions. So that you have more of a likelihood of aligning your thoughts, actions, and beliefs with those intentions as you move throughout the month, the year, the week, whatever it may be, that you are setting intentions for. Find the link in the show notes for that intention setting worksheet. Okay. Habits versus rituals. Habits versus rituals. Rituals sometimes get a bad rap. People often equate them to everything from religious ceremonies to pagan worshiping ceremonies. But in all actuality rituals are really just a way of deepening intention and connection. That being said, we're going to start first with habits. Habits as defined by the Oxford dictionary are a settled or regular tendency or practice. Especially one that is hard to give up. I'm going to read that again so that you can let it sink in. A habit is a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up. Now, just like that definition states habits are something that happen regularly. And often they are automatic. There are things that we can do with, or without thinking. And with, or without intention. Right. And they're generally cultivated over time. Sometimes there are things that we've done. For as long as we've even been alive or maybe even before we were alive. I know just the other day I was talking about one of my children who had a tendency to always cross her legs when she was in my belly. And she still to this day has that tendency to just cross her little ankles. Which I think is kind of cool. So there are these thought patterns or things that we do sometimes automatically. Now sometimes habits. Aren't automatic though. And we have to work at them to try and cultivate them and to try and get them to stick in our psyche. They can be developed intentionally or maybe even unintentionally. We can put a lot of effort and thought into creating a habit or into doing a habit like, a yoga practice, for instance. They might be positive or negative. And when you go, when we go back up to that definition and think that it says especially one that is hard to give up, those are most often the negative. Habits right. Whether it is, um, something that negatively impacts your health or negatively impacts others around you. Not too often that I can think of at least, but maybe you can think of some, if you can share them, are there positive habits that we need to give up. I just thought of a reason you might give up a positive habit. sometimes, they're positive habits for us, but because of the season of life that we're in. Maybe. We have to back off on them a little bit. Or set them aside for just, just a while. Um, but maybe that's cyclical or maybe that's seasonal and it's all the rhythm of things. Right. So examples that you guys know of, of habits, and I'm sure you'll think of far more than I have listed here, but things like brushing your teeth at first. That's not effortless. That's not easy, but eventually it becomes that way. And it becomes something that you don't think about having to do before you leave the house. At least I hope you don't. Sometimes if you're getting up early in the morning, maybe you do. But brushing your teeth is a habit that sometimes we equate to or reference when we're learning something new, we want it to become as easy and effortless as brushing our teeth. Right. Flossing is one that's maybe not as easy. But one that we have to work at to cultivate, at least in, in my own experience, flossing isn't as easy and effortless as brushing my teeth is, but I'm sure working on it. Other examples of habits would be the way you make your coffee. I bet you have some sort of little routine that you do when you make your coffee or your tea in the morning, or maybe in the afternoon. Uh, what's the first thing that you do when you wake up or when you get to work, those are habits. Practicing yoga, like I said, that that's a habit that it has to be cultivated playing a musical instrument, drinking enough water throughout the day. Um, the way you talk to yourself, that's a habit, whether it's positive or negative, or maybe a little bit of both. Drinking too much, smoking or overeating, those are all those negative habits that maybe have a negative impact on us. The way you schedule your time, whether you fill your schedule completely, or maybe not at all, or over-schedule. Or maybe you schedule just right for you and you feel calm and, at ease all the time. The way you parent, the way you approach life in general. So whether you're maybe an over-functioner or an under functioner, um, Those could be ways that you approach life, um, or just, just the mentality that you have when you, when you look at life, if you're a sour grape or if you always find the silver lining in things. And the way you interact with your spouse. And the way that you respond to surprises in life or unexpected things that come up, um, you, whether you get triggered or whether you have a calm way of zooming out and looking at those unexpected events or those surprises in a different light. Those are all habits that we have in our lives. And that list is by all means not all encompassing or comprehensive. Those are just some of them that off the top of my head. I can think of as habits that you might relate to and you might think, oh yeah, I can wrap my mind around how those things become habits. And maybe you already knew that they were habits. This habit stuff is kind of honestly review because you probably know that you have some of these habits, but some of those deeper ones, like the way you parent, the way you approach life, the way you talk to yourself, you may not realize that those are habits that you have. So I want to bring awareness to those as well. Now let's break down that definition a little bit further. It begins with saying a settled. Or regular tendency. So settled. When we talk about settled, it means that you're comfortable with it. It means that you have come into your own space, come into this place of being, and that you're comfortable and it's familiar. So habits can have a tendency to be comfortable. And familiar. Right? They are familiar because they're habits. When you're intentionally beginning a new habit, it's not necessarily settled though. It takes practice and consistency. And I talk about that in episodes 68 and 69. When I talk about transitions about how sometimes those transitions can be a little bit messy, but we can do some things to make them more effortless. But it's not necessarily settled and there are endless tips out there to help you make habits, stick and make them more effortless. And actually two of my favorite books on these topics. Specifically are atomic habits by James clear. And effortless by, um, Oh, goodness. McCowen. Greg McCowen. Um, I'll link to those in the show notes as well. So you can check those out if you want, but. Sometimes habits, aren't always easy to stick, right? The ones that we want to try and cultivate, I'm sure at first, when you're a kid growing up, because I'm experiencing this with my own kids, brushing your teeth is a bit of an effort to remember, to do or, um, to do, to just have the internal motivation to actually do. But now as an adult, my guess is brushing your teeth is kind of an effortless thing. And I keep going back to that because it's the one that's kind of universal that everybody. Um, kind of agrees upon at least where we are that brushing your teeth is a good thing. Right? So. That becomes more effortless. You're settled into the thing into the, into the habit that you brush your teeth every day. Hopefully it's a settled habit. Right? Okay. And the next part of that definition says regular tendency, which means in my mind it happens. Often. Now it may be one of those things that you start and stop doing. Rhythmically or cyclically, right? At various times throughout your life for various seasons of your life. But overall, maybe the general feeling is that this habit you are going to keep coming back to. Now, let's look at it from the flip side. So what if exercising or practicing yoga or doing thought work or being compassionate with yourself is the habit that you are trying to cultivate in your life. But you have the tendency. To not do that, or it's a little bit harder to do those things because the habit that you're trying to break is not exercising or not practicing, not moving your body. Um, talking to yourself negatively. So for every habit that you're trying to create, there's likely a habit that you're also trying to break. And that habit can be hard to break. It can be hard to break yourself of and relearn a new way of doing things. Some of these habits may be so set in your psyche that you don't even realize you're doing them. And so it just takes the first act of awareness to begin to change that habit. Like maybe you didn't even realize you were talking negatively to yourself in your mind, or maybe you didn't even realize you were not being compassionate with yourself and you were over-scheduling yourself. Maybe you didn't even realize that until something happens that you realize, oh, yikes. I have a bad habit of over-committing or of trying to do all the things and then being completely exhausted and worn out. I want to break that habit. And once you have that realization, then you can start to do the work, to break the habit and to change the habit or to cultivate new habits, which is a beautiful thing. So that's habits for you, friends, habits are those things that, I mean, you know, pretty commonplace, they're kind of the boring one. They're the ones that, the things that we do all the time, or maybe that we want to do all the time, and we want them to become automatic so automatic that we don't really have to think about them. Because it's when they become automatic, that you can begin to turn them into a ritual if you so choose to. Now when I say ritual, hang with me. Okay. Resist the urge, if you just hate that word, if you just cringe at it, resist the urge to turn this off. Listen on, because I'm going to tell you maybe a little bit different way of thinking about rituals than you have thought of in the past. Okay. My definition of a ritual is a sacred way of putting your spirit and authenticity into a habit to give it more meaning in your life. And intentional act that results from an increase in the amount of attention or energy you put into it. I'm going to read that again and a little bit more slowly because there's a lot in that little definition and I want you to just start pulling nuggets away from it and start to let it sink in. So a ritual is a sacred way of putting your spirit and authenticity into a habit to give it more meaning in your life. It's an intentional act that results from an increase in the amount of attention or energy. You put into it. Boom. That can be pretty darn powerful. I want to point out that it does not have to do with anything religious or non-religious this can be anything. That you are putting more intention into. It's about putting that intention into something that you do over and over again, so that when you do it, It creates a specific outcome. It creates an intended outcome for you. And then once you've created that outcome or the outcome that you want. You can do things like anchor yourself into that state so that you can return to that state, that emotional state. Anytime you want, even if you haven't done that particular ritual. So I've done this with my yoga practice. I'll just give you a quick example. I've anchored in the way that I feel at the end of my yoga practice. So that I can apply my anchor, which is just squeezing the space in between my finger and thumb on my left hand. And once I do, it immediately brings me back to this feeling of energized, calm. And I can apply that anchor anytime I want to. And the more often I apply it. The more I come back to that state. My point is that my yoga practice tends to be a ritual that I do to put myself in a specific emotional state. To create a different outcome or a desired outcome, depending on the amount of energy and attention that I put into it. And once you put that intention towards anything, you can anchor any sort of emotional state or feeling that you've come into and allow yourself to hold on to that. So a ritual allows you to do those sorts of things and allows you to create who you want to be in this world in a sense. Rituals might also even encourage you to continue with the habit because it creates a specific feeling when you do that ritual. It's when rituals become rote or as though you're just going through the motions that that's a signal that something needs to change or be adjusted within the ritual that you, that you're doing in order to bring meaning back to it. And that just might be remembering why you do the ritual in the first place or that it is indeed a ritual and not just a habit. But rituals should have meaning, and the caution or the red flag would be when they start to just become everyday practice and they become more habitual and not so much ritual. That we start to lose the edge in them, I guess. And I'm thinking specifically, With a yoga practice here, but really in anything because when it doesn't have that, meaning it's not so ritualistic anymore. I also want to point out that rituals have nothing to do with religion, even though they could, but instead everything, to do with habits. Rituals are a habit that becomes so familiar that you can give it more meaning by making it a ritual by making it more special or important in your life by elevating it or going deeper with it, and by doing so it gets anchored into your psyche as something positive and something that you want to keep coming back to. So it absolutely can keep encouraging you to do something. It fulfills something within you that may not otherwise be filled simply by going through the motions and doing something as a habit, like brushing your teeth. My guess is you're not going to create a ritual around brushing your teeth, but maybe you are, maybe you absolutely are. Maybe you create a ritual around flossing, your teeth. So that's something that, you do a little bit more of. But my guess is you're probably not going to oh, light some candles. And, and, uh, clear the space and get your favorite things out to create that ritual for brushing your teeth. Right? The ritual is when you take a habit that you want to assign more meaning to it or elevate it in your life and you make it more ritualistic, but how do you do that? Right. How do you do that? You incorporate the things. That puts you in the frame of mind that you want to be in. I mentioned lighting a candle. So maybe it's lighting a candle. Maybe it is clearing the space. Maybe it is. Putting on some music. There are little things you can do to create more of a ritualistic feeling. And you can even do this with mundane tasks that are hard to do or that you don't want to do in order to make them more enjoyable. Right. So one example of that would be like the way you do your finances. Maybe if this is something that you really hate doing is sitting down to do a budget each month or sitting down to, um, balance a checkbook or whatever it may be. Maybe you make that more ritualistic by. Lighting a candle putting on music that you enjoy listening to grabbing your favorite snack or your favorite beverage and making it something that has more meaning. So that it's something you look forward to. Generally rituals are something that you can look forward to. And you want to be able to look forward to them because they fill you up a little bit more. As I said, rituals, incorporate things that put you into the frame of mind that you want to be in. Maybe you want to be more calm. maybe you want to be, feel safe, maybe you want to be more present. Maybe you want to be more connected. Whatever it is. Creating a ritual around that feeling or around allowing you to feel that feeling can make a mundane task have more meaning in your life. Anything can become ritualistic. Now I kind of joked about brushing your teeth. But I suppose if you wanted to, you could absolutely create a ritual around that. I also mentioned that a yoga practice can be ritual. Once, you know, a yoga practice, so well, you're able to deepen your connection with it and start to add other elements into your practice, whether it's paying more attention to your body sensations or your breath, or maybe incorporating a mantra. Those are all ways that you can step on your mat and create a ritualistic feeling. And a ritualistic way of moving. To be in your yoga practice. Some other ways that some other things that you do throughout your day, that you might consider creating a ritual around would be maybe the way you make your coffee or your tea. Maybe that allows you to pause and just be more intentional while you wait for the coffee to brew, or while you wait for the tea to steep, or the water to the water to warm. Maybe you have a monthly intention setting ritual that you do. Like I said, when I referenced episode 52, it is all about intention setting for focus in life. Maybe each month you sit down and use not only your own rhythms, but also the moon cycle to set intentions. I definitely encourage that around here. In fact, if you've listen to this podcast for any sort of time, you know, that that's something that I do regularly as well. And some of the things that I sometimes do when I do this ritual are to clear the air or the space with either a room spray or Sage or Palo Santo. You might also bring in things that inspire you, like crystals or candles or music, or other things that you can look at that helped you feel inspired, maybe it's a favorite pen or a favorite journal where you keep all of your intentions. Those are all ways to make intention setting more real, more ritualistic. Those are all ways to make intention setting. More ritualistic. Now you can also do that with your monthly releasing meditation or releasing ceremony that you do each month. Letting go is important. And I talk about that in episode, probably it would be 54 or 55, maybe. Um, if I'm just considering from. My other reference to intention setting. Um, but a monthly releasing ritual. Same things apply as the intention setting ritual, except maybe this time you incorporate. Um, someplace where you're maybe doing this around a fire, or you have the ability to burn some things to actually get rid of some of those. Things that you write down that you want to release from your life. There's lots of ways that you can do that. Maybe it's a weekly or annual planning that you turn into a ritual. Um, the way that you enter into work on a Monday morning and decide you want to plan out your week, or maybe you do this on a Sunday afternoon, you create a ritual around it. Maybe it's your bedtime routine or practice that you do in order to communicate rest to your body. There's so many things that you can create rituals around and just place more intention into how you're doing these everyday habits that you have. You might have already have some rituals that you don't even realize you do that are actually very ritualistic. Maybe it's the way you run your bath or maybe it's where you sit when you read or do something else that fills you up. Or maybe it actually is prayer. Perhaps you want to be more intentional about making time to pray and put your concerns and requests out there. Rituals help you feel more connected to regular daily habits or things you do to care for yourself and bring more intention into your life. Sure. There are definitely rituals with religious ceremonies and beliefs, as well as non-religious or pagan beliefs in ceremonies. But just because something is a ritual doesn't mean it has to be tied to a belief system. Rituals deepen impact. They bring meaning and connection. And sometimes that connection is simply with knowing yourself on a deeper level. And sometimes it's just helping you come back to the present moment instead of living for the future or in the past. It is my hope friends that from this episode, you have learned what a ritual really is or what it really means to do something ritually. And why it's not just another word for worshiping something. Until next week you've been listening to Health Harmony and Happiness with Cathy. Cheers to cultivating your own version of health harmony and happiness in your life