234 | Dr. Lawrence Patihis: Do You Really Remember It That Way? The Science of False Memories, Estrangement & Emotional Truth

What if your most painful memory never happened the way you think it did?

In this deeply thought-provoking episode, Joseph and Richard sit down with renowned psychological researcher Dr. Lawrence Patihis to explore the surprisingly malleable nature of human memory. From emotionally charged estrangement stories to suppressed childhood trauma and courtroom testimony, this conversation unpacks the fine line between memory, emotion, and truth.

Dr. Patihis—best known for his work on repressed memories, memory distortion, and the fallibility of eyewitness accounts—brings hard science to a topic often dominated by subjective narrative. What emerges is a timely reminder: not all memories are accurate, and not all healing requires reliving the past.

This episode is essential listening for therapists, coaches, healers, or anyone navigating complicated personal or familial dynamics.

Key Themes:

• Why “trusting your memory” may not always lead to truth
• The rise of estrangement culture—and the role distorted memory may play
• What Dr. Patihis discovered when he studied false memories in therapy clients
• How suggestive practices can unintentionally implant memories of abuse
• The risks of “emotional truth” replacing objective memory
• What coaches and therapists must understand about memory reliability

Key Takeaways:

• Memory is reconstructive, not reproductive—meaning we assemble memories in the moment, often influenced by emotions and beliefs.
• Emotionally charged therapy settings can increase the risk of suggestibility, especially when clients are encouraged to “uncover” forgotten trauma.
• False memories can feel just as real—and just as painful—as true ones. Emotional intensity does not equal accuracy.
• Estrangement narratives are often built on distorted recollections; some reconciliations occur when people question the truth of their own memory.
• Patihis’ research shows a surprising number of people recall impossible events (like meeting Bugs Bunny at Disneyland) when primed—illustrating how malleable our memories are.
• Therapists and coaches should be cautious about leading questions, regression techniques, or suggestive practices that could implant false memories.
• The concept of “emotional truth” has risen in popularity, but conflating it with factual accuracy can harm relationships and legal processes.
• Not every painful emotion requires excavating the past—sometimes healing begins with present-moment awareness and relational repair.

TIMESTAMPS:

00:00 – Intro to Dr. Lawrence Patihis and why memory distortion matters
04:20 – The difference between remembering and reconstructing
08:00 – Famous false memory studies and the Bugs Bunny experiment
11:30 – Therapy-induced false memories: how they happen and why they matter
15:00 – When “emotional truth” overrides factual accuracy
20:15 – Estrangement, healing, and questioning our narratives
25:00 – What practitioners need to know about memory reliability
30:00 – Suppression vs. distortion: what actually happens in trauma recall?
34:40 – Memory wars in psychology and lessons for coaches today
38:00 – Strategies for healthy memory inquiry in therapeutic settings
42:15 – How to remain open-hearted while not blindly believing every memory
45:00 – Final thoughts: integrity, inquiry, and emotional responsibility

NOTES:

On memory construction: Memory is not a video recording—it’s an active process shaped by emotions, beliefs, and context. This is why two people can “remember” the same event in radically different ways.

On suggestibility: Clients in a vulnerable emotional state may adopt