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Upgrade Your OS

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This week I'm coming in HOT with a solo episode and we're talking ALL about UPLEVELING your life. Call it "hot girl summer", call it a "glow up", we're getting into upgrading your OS. Whether you've been sensing an upgrade for a long time coming, or you're just dipping your toes in, we're covering the basics and foundation for all things FUTURE YOU.

On this episode we're chatting:

  • upgrades & uplevels
  • graduating relationships
  • manifestation
  • building a foundation
  • finding support systems
  • sexual energy
  • tapping into desire 

🎟️ SEX ON THE BEACH EVENT 🎟️ register now!
August 3rd | 5-8pm PST

Mentioned Resources
mental health episode: Rockbottom ➡️ Upleveling

📥 Download Monthly Archetype Template
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💘 Let's be internet friends @thebedside and www.thebedside.co

Text us! Questions & Confessions

Be sure to rate, review, and share this episode with a friend! LOVE YOU!


Music. Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the Bedside Podcast. I'm so excited for today's episode. Welcome. If you are new here, an extra warm welcome. I'm Tatiana. I am the host here, and you have landed in a great space. We have you taken care of for the next hour or so. And I am really excited about today's episode because I feel like this kind of goes a bit in tandem with where I may have left off of you guys on my last solo episode, kind of talking about upleveling and going from a rock bottom to an uplevel, what that transition looked like for me. I will link that in the show notes if you haven't tuned into that episode. It really is kind of a profound journey around my mental health, around upleveling, around kind of entering that next amazing phase of your life. And this episode really is now kind of, I feel like a bit of a part two or like at least it's like it is a relative to that previous episode. And really what I'm excited to chat with you guys about today is upgrading your OS system, like your personal OS and how you can enter into this space if you feel like you are craving an up level, if you know that you're already in the midst of it. And I guess for anybody who's like, well, what exactly is an up level? I kind of describe an up level as really that next version of you. You know, you might feel like you've grown out of things. You might feel like you're growing out of relationship dynamics or you are just really ready to enter into a next phase of your life. And I also really see up levels as kind of a rite of passage, right? Like it's it's like you're graduating. It's like you're ready to enter a new chapter. and that's not to say that you're ready to leave everything behind that you've known previously and like enter a completely new territory. I think it's more about like upgrading your system, your OS, and equipping yourself with the tools and resources so that you feel confident entering this next. Phase and As you'll hear in the episode it has a lot to do with even your like sexual energy your life force energy that creator, source and I kind of wanted to like to sink it all into one place because I know a lot of people talk about. Upleveling and Manifesting that next version of themselves, but I always remember when I was going through it being like cool but how does this actually work? Like what are the steps for this coming into place? And I'm gonna just share a few of my tips around how to basically upgrade your system and what is required for you to enter this space, but I do wanna make a caveat that there is no one way. There are many paths that one can take to get to a destination. And I don't wanna make it seem as though there's just one protocol for this. I just wanna share some ideas, some reframes around what it can look like. And then from there, you can make it and curate it to work best for you. That said, I want to give a little bit of housekeeping before we get into this episode. I am moderating an event in Los Angeles on August 3rd. I'm moderating it alongside a very well-acclaimed sexual wellness journalist, Claire McCormack and Jennifer Chan from Access Hollywood happening on the 3rd in Venice called Sex on the Beach and you are invited. So if you are tapped into the sexual wellness community, if you're a creator in this space, if you just are like, I wanna attend, I wanna learn, I want to immerse, we are having an amazing series where we're gonna be interviewing some top sexperts and creators in the sexual wellness category. There's going to be amazing gift bags, you guys. Like the sponsors of this event are wild. But aside from that, this event is going to be incredible. We're gonna be talking to so many different creators in the space and we would love to invite you. So it's happening on August 3rd, five to 8 p.m. at Bell's Beach House in Venice. I'm gonna link in the show notes, a Eventbrite and also Partyful link. So you can go get your tickets. There are limited spots. So if you're interested in attending, please come. We'd love to see you there. And it is in collaboration with Ethereal, Clean Beauty, and Beauty Independent. I'm personally so excited. Like I mentioned, I'll link the details in the show notes and I hope to see you there! Music. Okay, upgrading your OS. Think of this as setting the foundation for the next level you. You do not have to be currently there, right? Like, I think a lot of the time, I personally will speak for myself. I will put a lot of pressure on myself for having goals, having ideas, having aspirations, having deep desires and being like, well, why aren't they here yet already? Like, I want it so badly. I want it now. Honestly, like, wishing the process would move a little faster or wanting to rush it or kind of questioning, why isn't it here already? And I know that this is just like a human thing, all of us experience. And it's less about hoping to be at the final destination and it's more about actually enjoying the process of getting there. If we could just enjoy the process more instead of being so hyper fixated on the destination. We would find so much joy and fulfillment. And it's so true because in the instances when we are enjoying the process, when we are letting things unfold, it feels so good. I had this moment even the other week where I was working out. I think a lot of people feel this way with like fitness goals. And I was like, oh, I like, I really want like this like fitness goal. And I was kind of being hard on myself and I caught myself in like an old loop. And then it was really actually amazing. Like my partner reframed to me. He was just like, you need to stop focusing so much on this, like hyper fixating on this one thing and integrate what you're doing as a lifestyle shift and upgrade, where you actually love the process more than the outcome. And I was like, whoa, I really needed And I really needed to hear that in that moment, because I was like, okay, you know what? Fuck the destination, right? Like half the time we get to where we think we want to go, and we either don't want it anymore or we're completely desensitized to it. I can speak for myself on this again in many capacities, I will hit a goal and be like, oh, duh, of course that happened. But it's like past me would have freaked out. But because I've expanded myself, because I've, you know, set up systems to implement to where I wanted to go, it was almost inevitable and natural. And I got to the point where it became obvious that I was going to hit my goal, if that makes sense. Then there have been other times where I've gotten to to my quote unquote destination and realize that I don't care about it anymore or I've completely redirected an agenda. You know, I think we need to follow and see things through, right? To be like, does this even mean anything to us anymore? But really it goes back to the process being so much more impactful, so much more rich than the outcome. Life is the process, it's not the outcome. So we might as well get comfortable with the process. And I'm saying all this because as we're upgrading our OS, it's not about being at that final destination. It's about setting ourselves up for that next level view that you envision for yourself, that you see yourself as. And it can change, it can shift, it can malleate, but we're creating a system and a container that we're ready for. The other thing that I want you to consider before we get into kind of these more action items around how you can build a framework of upgrading your OS is scratch what you think everyone else is doing and really tap into what do you need? How do you foresee your future? I think so many times people can really, really easily project their wants and desires onto other people. And the hard truth here, you guys, is that we are the ones who have to go about advocating for our time and our energy, because no one else will. No one else is gonna do it for us. And if we don't do it... Our time and energy is going to be filled by everybody else's agendas around us. Your job, your errands, your family, your friends, everybody else is going to be filling in those voids if you're not the one curating it. So I see this almost as vital to how we can be authentic beings in this world and really have this deep flowing connection of giving and receiving, right? It's this beautiful ebb and flow. The pendulum isn't swung in these polarizing directions. We're in neutral. We have come to a balance of being able to give and receive our time and energy. It really comes from advocating. I just kind of wanted to set the scene here about ways that we can begin to reframe what an up level can look like for us and what is really required of us when it comes to setting the foundation for an up level. So the way that I, want to walk through upgrading your OS, really really setting a foundation for the next level U. Is all about building what I kind of can best describe as a self-care toolkit. Like a wellness toolkit. And it allows us to have space to see where our potential is, see where our desires are, explore a little bit. And it's less about, like I mentioned earlier, about that like set in stone final destination and more about creating a space for us to play and experiment and see what works and evolve honestly, right? For me, I've seen this as really also being that support system for when I want to go out there and try something that feels totally new, right? Like my system still feels safe and held and okay, right? Like it's in a container of safety. So The pillars that I've created for myself come down to my physical well-being, my mental and emotional well-being, my spiritual well-being, room for creativity and expression, pleasure practices, and really relationships. So let's start with this concept of pleasure practices. A pleasure practice is quite a radical idea of curating your life around play and pleasure. I've recorded an episode all about how to build a pleasure practice. I will link it in the show notes if you are new here and you're like, oh my god, I want to hear so much more on this. But. To give the spark notes of a pleasure practice, it's really all about how you can curate your life through the lens of pleasure and play. A lot of the systems around us are not conducive to this idea. We are very much kind of told to do a lot of different things. Our world revolves around errands and getting stuff done for other people. It's a very masculine 24-hour system, circadian system way of being. And the pleasure practice really is all about operating within in that system, but allowing ourselves containers for flow, allowing ourselves the feminine and the masculine, the flow and the structured. And when it comes down to pleasure practices, it's really all about giving yourself time to do the things that you love to do, that give you joy, that tap into your desires, that tap into your sensuality and your sense of play and just making more space for these ideas and things in our lives, because if we are not, like I said earlier, if we are not the ones carving it out. It's not going to be prioritized, unfortunately. Like I wish we lived in a different world where it was, but we have to be the ones who are constantly advocating for ourselves. And I feel like that's a bit of a theme around upgrading and up-leveling. No one is gonna be doing it for you if you're not the one in the driver's seat. So I kind of wanna like light a fire a bit under all of us to realize that we're the ones in charge of our life force energy. We're the ones in charge of entering into our luscious space of living out our true authenticity. And for me, it really fundamentally starts with pleasure practices. The second that I remember I started asking myself every single day, what is one thing that I can do for myself today? It. Opened up so many realms of possibility. And I honestly think it's really actually all about the micro moments when it comes to building a pleasure practice for yourself and giving yourself time and space for this. But like I said, I have an entire episode about this. What I will say is that I think a lot of people look at the idea of pleasure and leisure as these very, very large, grand gestures. And the reality is that pleasure and leisure are moments, instantaneous moments, minutes, half hours, that accumulate and have impact over time. It's kind of similar to that idea of. Having a relational bank, right? Like, relationships are built upon moments, phone calls, dinners, time well spent. It's not about that like one grand vacation that you go on with with your partner. And it's important to be continually contributing to something like an emotional bank when it comes to your relationships, similarly to our pleasure practices. This has to be a continuing, sustainable thing. I think I used to formally be like, okay, well, if I'm gonna have pleasure and leisure, it's gonna be a whole day that I dedicate going to a spa and I have to have a certain budget for whatever this might be. And when I reframed it to being something that I'm continually adding to is when I actually found it to become like a much more sturdy and solidified foundation. So this is really so important to attribute to our toolkits. How can you build more pleasure practices into your life? Whether those are sexual pleasure practices, whether that's just tapping into your everyday desires, like going to get a matcha down the street, I don't care what it is, right? As long as we're tapping into this every single day and integrating it into becoming part of our lifestyle. The fun part about this too, if you're like, okay, cool, I kind of understand what this is, but like, what exactly can a pleasure practice entail? Like I mentioned, it can be sexual expressions, it can be things like going to get a matcha, but really, I believe it's things that bring us joy and moments that fulfill us truly, like from a deep place within. They bring us peace, joy, they fulfill our desires, they give us rest, whatever that we're looking, right? Like it's filling something that we're craving. They also can kind of be fun for the sake of fun, right? Or just experimentation for the sake of experimentation. I really like this idea when we're upgrading our systems, when we're entering an up level, to be open to full experimentation, right? We don't have to be like, OK, I'm I'm gonna be someone who like. All of a sudden now is going to be doing pleasure practices this way. I love the idea of having a running list of things that bring me joy, that might have brought me joy in the past, that excite me, that pique my interest, keeping it on my phone and being like, okay, I'm just building this list. And whenever I'm going about my day, if I've built in room for pleasure practices, if I'm just asking myself questions around where and how I can implement this, I can refer back. To this list. I can look at it on the weekends. I can look at it at the top of the month if I want to pack in activities and like make plans for myself, right? This also does integrate itself well into the monthly archetype system that I have developed. It's a free template on Notion that you can download and it basically is a place where you can craft your pleasure practices manifesting this next level you on a monthly basis. So I'll just link that in the show notes again too if you want to download that. But I really see part of this self-care toolkit being so integrated into our pleasure practices. And this also comes down to our sexual wellness too, right? Like a lot of the time, sexual wellness is something that I. That isn't prioritized for a lot of people. It gets put on the back burner, it gets pushed down, but connecting to the sexual wellness is our life force energy. It's where our desire comes from, in the bedroom and outside of the bedroom. And that's part of that, really like that next level you, that way that you see yourself living and walking through this world. What is the version of you in the next couple months, in the upcoming month, in the next five years up to? How are they walking through this world? Where are they living? What spaces are they showing up in, right? These are deep, really important questions that we should be constantly asking ourselves and building systems for ourselves to thrive in so that we're working toward this version of ourselves. It's really, really exciting stuff and a huge part of building this foundation for ourselves. The next. Pillar that I see as part of this upleveling toolkit is, All about creating a support system around you now what I mean by this is we have, the ability to choose and curate the people who are around us our relationship dynamics who we let into our lives intimately, romantically our our community, our practitioners, our doctors, therapists. The people that we look up to who inspire us. Guys, we get to curate every facet of this. And I think it's so wildly important that we take this into our own hands. Many of us are familiar with the concept of growing up, your caretakers are the ones who make your appointments, like the ones who make you go to the dentist and they choose your local hometown dentist. And right, like everything has been pre-laid out for you. The older you get, of course, like you become the one to make these appointments. But what I want to... Kind of reframe for everybody and like hit everybody a bit over the head with, like I said, I'm lighting a bit of a fire under our asses, is we are the ones who get to choose every single touchpoint around us. And if we're not curating and choosing the best people for us, what are we doing? Right? Like if you have a shitty doctor or shitty OBG, I can't tell you how many people People have been like, oh my God, I hate my OB. And I'm like, hi, hello, it's time to go find a new practitioner. We're the ones who have to curate these people around us. I remember when I hit my rock bottom, I felt like I didn't have a lot of resources. I was like, what does my support system actually look like? And it was kind of like step-by-step realizing that, you know, I'm the one who's in charge. And this kind of goes into some of the next pillars of choosing the practitioners who support my mental and emotional wellbeing. Choosing the practitioners who can help me to support my physical wellbeing, whether that's nutritionists, whether that is hormone specialists, whether that is somebody who is giving me massages or facials or any sort of like wellness appointments, right? Like you are the one in charge of building this support system around you. And when something doesn't work out, we have to be the ones who have the confidence and the bravery to say, you know what? I deserve better. I deserve better. This is good, but is it great? And that is the question you have to be confident and curious and willing to ask yourself when you are entering your upgrade. Am I okay with settling for good, or am I deserving of entering great? Rate. This applies to every category of your life. Do you want to be the person who is sitting there, half living, untapped into their desires, untapped into the version of themselves that they know they have the potential to be. Are you content there? Or are you ready to enter into that next level you? Do you have. The ability to say, you know what, I'm going to jump and not know when I'm going to land, but craft the support system around yourself so that while you're free falling, you're okay, you're safe, you're doing well. And that is really the intent of creating a toolkit and and this entire support system around us where we are able to safely and excitedly enter into our next level. Sure, uncertainty can be scary. It can also be exciting. It can also be so, so rewarding. And that's really what I want to drive home. But it does take asking yourself those hard questions. And even when I say, are you willing to go from good to great? Ask yourself about some of the relationships that you have around you. Who are the friends that you have? Who are the acquaintances? What's the community that you have around yourself like? And is it supporting you? Are you supporting them? Do you feel like there's a good flow between all of those relationship dynamics? Does it feel boundaried in a good way, right? Like, is it meeting your values and your needs? And if it's not, are you willing to transition from good to great, right? I clearly remember having a point in my life where I had to really ask myself, you know, are certain people around me going to enter with me into this next up level? Are they going to be part of my upgrade? Or are they bugs in the system? That's a really tough question to face. And I'm not saying like eliminate everyone in your life, Fuck everyone, I'm definitely not saying that. I'm saying, what is your relationship to different people in your life? And does it need a reevaluation? Does it need a tweak? Does it need a boundary? Does it need a reassessment or a renegotiation of relational terms, right? These aren't easy things to do, but when it comes to building out your toolkit. You also have to have space for newness. If every single category of your life is like full to the brim, right? Like, especially let's think of relationships. If you're like capped out, if you're like, I don't even have the capacity to like go on a friend date or like meet new people. I don't have that bandwidth. I'm not even emotionally there. I'm not ready. I can't even, I don't have space for that. I am so jam-packed. What needs to be renegotiated? What needs to be taken off your plate to make more space for these things in your life? And... Not everybody is going to be coming with you. And like I said earlier, sometimes an upgrade can be a graduation, right? And it's okay to graduate from your former life. It's okay to leave certain things behind. We can have gratitude for what was, for what is, and for where we're going. And there's nothing wrong with wanting to make monumental or micro shifts in your life for that next level you. So I just wanna give you permission here. The people around you and the support system around you is so important. Whether that is practitioners and people that you look to for your health and wellbeing, who you look to for friendship, who you look to for socializing, it really, really matters. And in terms of this, honestly, I find it super beneficial to write out. The different types of support systems that you have around you. So I'm not saying like make a list of every single friend you have, right? But make a list of who and what you can turn to in different circumstances. I find it so beneficial to know and have written down truly all the different caretakers and relationships that I have around me. Even just taking mental note, right? Like I know that I can go to this group of friends when I am feeling really down about X. I know that I can go to my therapist when I'm really trying to work through something specific that I can't go to my friends about. I know that I can go to my masseuse when I am just really looking to unwind and connect to my somatic experience. These are all options. And I think I want to like make our toolkit feel like we have such an array of options for any circumstance that we can enter and know that we are always supported, always guided. I think this kind of transitions me into the spiritual. Where and how can you craft your spiritual toolkit? You are always being guided. I really love the quote from A Course in Miracles. I'm gonna kind of botch it right now, but it's something along the lines of, you would never feel alone if you knew how many people you were always surrounded and supported by. I totally botched that, but it's all about your spirit guides, right? The angels and the people that walk around you and are constantly with you all the time. And creating this toolkit for yourself, whether you're well-versed in spirituality and have your own practice around it, or if you're new to it, I think exploring what it can mean to you is so beautiful. One of my favorite books and kind of like intros to Spirituality 101 is Gabby Bernstein's The Universe Has Your Back. If you haven't read this text already, I find it to be such a gorgeous introduction to what building a spiritual toolkit can look like. It goes through different things like spirit guides and angel numbers and really learning how you are divinely supported at all times. This has become such a rich and absolute magnetic force in my own uplevelings and upgrades. I find that sometimes once really I've gotten in motion, I think I'm. Like continually, continually in this evolution, especially with this like monthly archetype practice and always looking to like that next level version of me. I really truly believe that there is that version of myself that's like walked the walk. It's already lived through all of the experiences that I on this current timeline am hoping to live out. And they're the ones guiding me. They're pulling me along. And so if it resonates with you, crafting some way of having your spiritual practice built into your toolkit of upgrading is really amazing because honestly. It again reminds you to stay in the process of it, enjoy the process of it, and know that you are being guided divinely to your next level self. Part of the ways that I connect to this version of myself is through journaling, through meditation, through yoga practices, which have been a really exciting new pleasure practice I've been reintegrating is yoga. I'm obsessed. I have always used it as kind of a physical and spiritual practice, but I fell out of it for a really long time, but I've been really, really reconnecting to this space. And honestly, I think really a spiritual practice, a universal practice is not only knowing that you're being guided by a divine force, your purpose, the reason that you're here, but I also believe that it deeply connects you to your intuition. It deeply connects you to your authenticity and that life force energy that I keep talking about. So in a way, it's all so deeply interconnected, but to really quickly recap, building out a self-care toolkit comes down to your physical wellbeing, your mental and emotional wellbeing, spiritual well-being, pleasure practices, and really curating relationships and a support system around you. And you know what too, I find that when it comes to this. Upgrading and crafting a toolkit, it's really about like the version of you now, creating a system and just like putting things in place for future you. How many times have you like in your life been so happy that a version of yourself did something earlier because it's helping you out now? Something a really easy example is like setting out gym clothes the night before or just like setting out clothes because you're getting up early and like you just have everything pre-picked out, you just got to put it on and go. And you're like, thank you past self for completely equipping me for the future and making my life easy. This is exactly the system that I feel like needs to be put in place when you are entering this next up level. It's like, thank you past self or current self for putting this amazing toolkit together, for crafting a list of pleasure practices, for really curating relationships, a support system of practitioners and people around me to feel supported so that now in this moment or future me feels held and feels like they have a container of safety and security and a system even though they're entering into uncharted territory. Making that container for yourself just opens so many, so much room for possibility. And also it helps you stay on top of like this maintenance, maintaining this level of you that you are stepping into and maintaining the process and the progress that you are on. I really love, I know I've said it already on this episode, but I really love having my monthly archetype template. Because it literally has a section as simple as like daily habits that align with the archetype that I'm stepping into. And they're just literal check boxes that I check every single day. It's like, did I take my vitamins? Am I following my acne protocol? Am I doing a daily movement practice? Am I? Doing daily meditation and journaling, right? And you can make this whatever you want it to be, but I love this system, right? Because it holds me accountable and it allows me to maintain without thinking. It's creating room for you to like, not have to think about it. How many times, I think a great example for me is like, if it's not planned, it's not really gonna happen. And it takes a lot of brain power. It takes too much brain power to think of it in the moment, Right? If instead, the week before, I was somebody who decided to plan out all of my movement practices for the week, or choose the date and time that I'm going to the grocery store, and choose the evenings that I'm gonna cook and what I might cook, right? Like, I know this sounds very overly planned. You can pick and choose what works for you, like I said. But when you can create those containers for yourself, it's like, then you can enter that autopilot that's on the way to next level, which is different than being on autopilot where you feel like your life is currently mediocre. So that said, I hope that you found this episode of value. I really, really am excited to see this practice and this foundation and this crafting of a toolkit, enter your life in your own way. Like I mentioned earlier, this is something that you can curate on your own, but I think it's super important take into consideration those foundations and where it applies to you, where you see you need support, where you see. Things are working well for you, where you see pockets, where you need to create more space and white space and remove things so that you can make space for yourself to enter into this next era. It's all so exciting and I just want to say that if you're feeling called to enter into your next upgrade, if you feel like you're in the midst of it already, go check out the monthly archetype template. Well actually I made an episode about crafting a monthly archetype which you can tune into but if you go download the Notion template you'll be like oh this is such an amazing resource for crafting part of my self-care toolkit and upgrading into this next level me. It takes a lot of concepts of manifestation and really tapping into your intuition and daily habits that make you feel like you are on your way, that you're up leveling and you are entering into that version of yourself that you so deeply see for you. So thank you guys for tuning in. If you loved this episode, be sure to share it with a friend. Feel free to DM me on bedside at the bedside on Instagram. Leave a review. It would mean the world. It's super easy, especially on Spotify and on Apple. You can just like hit that star rating. It's right up top. I would love to have your review. It helps us get the word of this show out there loud and clear. I love you. I hope you are having the most amazing magical summer and I hope that this just is like kind of giving you excitement to enter into that next level that you feel percolating and is so deeply connected to. That amazing sexual energy and force that is within each of us. It's also deeply unique so craft this and curate this in a way that works for you and supports you and creates a beautiful foundation for where you're headed. Alright guys, until then, I will talk to you soon. Bye! Music. Thank you for listening to The Bedside Podcast. I hope you loved this episode as much as we did making it. If you have any feedback, questions, or suggestions for future episodes, or if you just want to chat, don't hesitate to reach out to us at The Bedside on Instagram and TheBedside.co online. You can also find us at by the bedside on TikTok. To stay updated on our latest episodes, be sure to subscribe to our podcast on your preferred platform. And if you found this episode valuable, I would so greatly appreciate if you could leave us a rating, a review, text it to a friend, share it to your Instagram stories. Let's get this message out there loud and clear. Until next time, thank you so much for tuning in and I'll see you in the next one. Music.

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Tatiana Fogt

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