Does Sexual Experience Matter? Answering Your Manifestation, Sex & Relationship Q's: Quickie with Amanda Blair

QUICKIE: Does sexual experience matter? How do you navigate when one person is growing and evolving but their partner likes to stay in their comfort zone?  This week I'm back with my cohost Amanda Blair to cover your Q's on all things relationship dynamics, sex, and manifestation. We're diving into listener questions, sharing our opinions, and giving all the tools to work toward a healthier way of relating. 

On this episode we cover

• Foundations for good sex
• Handling rejection
• Following Intuitive Hits
• Emotional Availability
• Intimacy scripts
• Growing at different paces
• Comfort zones

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Connect with Quickies cohost Amanda Blair:

• amandablair.org (she does 1:1 coaching!) 
• @xoamandablair

Be sure to rate, review, and share this episode with a friend! LOVE YOU!

Chapters

• 0:29 Catching up on Summer Adventures
• 4:02 Taylor Swift Concert and Barbie Movie Love
• 7:41 Exciting Baby Celebration and Summer Adventures in Brooklyn
• 15:56 Creating an Intimacy Script for Relationship Foundations
• 21:23 Exploring the Difference Between Sexual Intimacy and Experience
• 25:01 The Importance of Mind and Growth in Sex
• 31:20 Learning to Let Go and Allow Others to Live Their Lives
• 34:31 Manifestation and Learning from Recurring Patterns
• 39:23 Embracing Self-Appreciation and Relationship Growth
• 42:15 Following Intuitive Hits and Finding Pleasure in Daily Life
• 45:15 Navigating Rejection and Reframing its Meaning
• 53:35 Graduating from Relationships and Leaning into New Chapters
• 56:27 Connect with Us Online

Transcript

Quickie with Amanda Blair

Hosts discuss summer adventures, concerts, cultural events. They answer listener questions on intimacy and explore manifestation/rejection. Listeners encouraged to share feedback/questions.

2023, Tatiana Fogt
Bedside

Generated Shownotes
Chapters0:00:29 Catching up on Summer Adventures
0:04:03 Taylor Swift concert and Barbie movie love
0:07:41 Exciting Baby Celebration and Summer Adventures in Brooklyn
0:15:56 Creating an Intimacy Script for Relationship Foundations
0:21:24 Exploring the Difference Between Sexual Intimacy and Experience
0:25:01 The Importance of Mind and Growth in Sex
0:31:20 Learning to Let Go and Allow Others to Live Their Lives
0:34:32 Manifestation and Learning from Recurring Patterns
0:39:24 Embracing Self-Appreciation and Relationship Growth
0:42:15 Following Intuitive Hits and Finding Pleasure in Daily Life
0:45:15 Navigating Rejection and Reframing its Meaning
0:48:09 Leaning in versus leaning out: Embracing rejection and suffering
0:53:36 Graduating from relationships and leaning into new chapters
0:55:51 Excitement and Gratitude for a Fun Conversation
0:56:27 Connect with us on social media and online platforms.
Long Summary
In this episode, my co-host Amanda and I reflect on our summer experiences. We discuss Amanda's love for Oregon and her adventures at the river, where clothing is optional. We both express excitement about visiting Oregon together in the future. Amanda also shares her experience paddleboarding, including the challenge of inflation and the solution of purchasing a pump. We then shift our focus to attending a Taylor Swift concert and the incredible energy she brings to her performances. We also discuss our thoughts on the Barbie movie and its celebration of female empowerment. Overall, we had a fantastic summer filled with outdoor activities and cultural events.

We also discuss our admiration for a certain individual currently taking time off and express hope for their future projects. We mention attending a Boy Genius concert in Bend and our fandom for the band, encouraging others to listen to their new album. Our conversation then transitions to our experience of floating down a river in Bend, complete with renting tubes and enjoying the beautiful scenery while listening to Boy Genius perform. We express excitement about an upcoming trip to New York for a friend's baby celebration and share that our summer has been wonderful so far. The topic then shifts to how one band member of "The Head and the Heart" has changed in appearance since we last saw them, prompting a discussion about change and growth.

Expanding on our summer experiences, we talk about making a bucket list of things to do in LA and enjoying road trips within the state. We recount a visit to Chicago and highlight spending time with a close friend and jumping in the lake. We also mention visiting Milwaukee with our boyfriend's family and celebrating his birthday in Ojai, where we played golf and found charm in the town.

Transitioning to personal reflections, we share our routine at the golf course, where we take time for ourselves after the ninth hole to journal and read a spiritual book. We discuss movies we've watched, including "Oppenheimer" and its powerful impact despite being difficult to watch. We express excitement about seeing the Barbie movie for the second time and recall our enjoyment of "Dune" and "A Star is Born," which we saw twice in theaters. On a different note, we announce that we will be attending a Beyoncé concert and anticipate it to be an incredible show.

We then introduce the segment where we answer listener questions, starting with building intimacy with a new partner when one person has more experience than the other. We emphasize the importance of creating an intimacy script together and understanding each other's preferences. Additionally, we delve into the topic of love languages and stress the significance of communication and emotional availability in navigating emotional and physical intimacy.

Shifting gears, we discuss good sex and its foundations in emotional intimacy, communication, and tuning into our partner's desires. We emphasize the uniqueness of each relationship and the need to appreciate individual differences. The conversation then explores the challenge of one person evolving while their partner prefers to stay in their comfort zone. We advise focusing on personal growth and allowing both partners to pursue their own interests while finding ways to reconnect and spend quality time together. If the discrepancy becomes too significant, we suggest having a conversation about compatibility within the relationship.

The conversation takes a turn toward manifestation, highlighting how it occurs through the learning and growth obtained from recurring patterns and challenges. We compare manifestation to a road trip, where various experiences along the way contribute to the journey. We encourage letting go of fear, embracing the process, and finding peace and bliss in the present moment while trusting the timing of the universe.

Next, we delve into the topic of getting into relationship flow and how it requires listening to our intuition. We address the importance of removing assumptions and connecting with our intuition, which can guide us to unexpected places and experiences. We emphasize the significance of prioritizing our needs and desires, as well as reflecting on the nature of a relationship and finding healing after it ends.

The conversation then turns to the powerful feeling of rejection and its impact on our lives. We discuss the origin of rejection from childhood experiences and emphasize its potential for growth and self-reflection. By leaning into rejection, processing and embracing our emotions, we can develop resilience and navigate rejection with acceptance and self-worth.

In the final part of the conversation, we highlight the importance of embracing and exploring our emotions. We stress the need to feel and understand our emotions fully, releasing judgment and focusing on our needs and appropriate actions. We discuss the natural occurrence of uncomfortable emotions and the importance of filling our own cup with self-care and self-love. The episode concludes with an announcement of a future Q&A episode and a reminder for listeners to reach out with feedback or questions.
Brief Summary
In this episode, my co-host Amanda and I discuss our summer experiences. We talk about Oregon adventures, attending concerts, and enjoying cultural events. We share personal reflections, answer listener questions about intimacy, and explore topics such as manifestation and dealing with rejection. The episode ends with a reminder for listeners to reach out with feedback or questions.
Tags
episode, co-host, Amanda, summer experiences, Oregon adventures, concerts, cultural events, personal reflections, listener questions, intimacy, manifestation, rejection, feedback, questions

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Transcript

[0:00] Music.

Catching up on Summer Adventures

[0:29] Hello, everybody. Welcome back to another Quickies episode with my co-host Amanda Blair here. Hello. Hello.
We're so excited to have you today. We were just chatting and we were like catching up on how our summers have been and we were like, wait, let's hit record. Let's fill everybody in on how our summertime has been. So Amanda, how's it been? How's summer?
It's been awesome. Oregon in the summer is like such a magical place. I'm like so in love with Oregon, but it's been really great. It's been a lot of going to the river, which the river is, there's just something about a river that feels like it just hits different than like a beach.
It literally hits so different. I was journaling the other day and I was like, there's some primal instinct within me that's just been like seeking rivers and lakes and just wanting these like deep nourishing experiences. It's like very cleansing. Like you feel like you're like very attuned to like the goddess when you're like in the river. And we actually go to a naked river here so we can be totally nude and it's so fun and just like even more like playful and really truly like back to nature. So it's really great. Oh my God. Wait, I need to plan like a summer next summer to come visit you and we need to go do this.
Oh, yeah, it's so fun. It's so fun. And it's like clothing optional. So there are a lot of people.

[1:53] That still have their clothes on. Sure. Which I think is so funny. I'm like, why are you not a clothing optional beach and clothes? Okay. Or like river. Or they'll be like somebody with with like something very skimpy on.

[2:05] But like something skimpy on and I'm like, okay, I'll just like take that. Like, okay, do you? Do you? So you can have your clothes on or off, but it's really, really fun. We love it.
And it's just so it feels so free, like skinny dipping times a million because you're just like also laying out naked and getting to sunbathe naked. That is like my only goal is to like sunbathe naked. Yeah, you got to come to Oregon. Yeah. It's awesome. It's so great. We love it.
And this last Sunday, we have a paddleboard. And Zach warned me how hard pumping the paddleboard was.
And I was like, I fucking got this. I'm an independent woman.
I have lived in New York.
And then I was doing it. We did this a month ago. And I was like, fuck this paddleboard.
Wait, sorry, sidebar.
Sidebar, you're like, I love how you use, like, I lived in New York.
You're like, listen, I lived in New York. A lot of times, he's like, I don't know.
I'm like, I fucking lived in New York, bro. I got it. Calm down.
Calm down with your like, oh, it's hard. And then it was so hard.
And I was like, I'm never blowing up this thing again.
This is awful. I will not do it. Cause he was like, I'm not going to blow yours up for you.
Cause we have two.
You have to blow yours up. And I was like, fucking live to New York.
And it was so hard and it was the worst. And he was like, I told you.
And then you have to like un-pump it. So you have to like pump it to take the air out.

[3:23] Oh. So the experience of the power wearing is great. But the experience of like getting it up and rent is not great. And then the taking it down is not great.
So I did what any smart person would do, is I bought a pump that will do it for me.
And so- The true New Yorker knows a good hack. Exactly.

[3:42] I will pay someone, in this case, a machine to do it for me.
And so it is now so much more enjoyable, but we brought our paddle board, we just brought one to the river yesterday, and we got used our little pump and it was amazing.
Did it in like literally five minutes.
Five minutes stayed down. I was like, well, this is enjoyable now.
Now I will paddleboard.

Taylor Swift concert and Barbie movie love

[4:03] And then we paddleboard around the river naked and that was so fun.
So it's been like, I've just been a little fairy like running around.
And then I went to a Taylor Swift concert, which was everything, everything, everything, everything.
So good. Oh my gosh. She's honestly, she has like goddess energy.
Like to hold all of that, like 72,000 people, one, just like giving you all of their love and adoration.
Two, Olympic athlete.
She is performing for 3 and 1 1⁄2 hours with not more than a three-minute break in between set changes.
That tops. And it's just changing. And then back out. Honestly, I keep seeing TikToks, and they're like, this summer is for the girls, like between the Eras tour with Taylor Swift, between the Barbie movie. It's like. Barbie.
What a love letter to women Barbie was. Oh, my gosh. It was perfect.
It was like an SNL skit meets.

[4:57] It's totally like an SNL thing. It was like, meets a beautiful message and like a Greta Gerwig fantasy.
It was perfect. It was phenomenal. I was not anticipating getting emotional either.
No. But I was like, oh my god, this is what it's like. Yeah.
This is what it's like. Yeah. Like, yes, yes, you get it.
Like, it just was such a love letter to a woman.
And also, Greta is amazing and Margot was incredible. And I love her.
And I think she's such a powerhouse.
And she's just so smart and I love that she is a producer and like getting all these projects made and it's just like, go girl.
But Ryan Gosling is a fucking national treasure and I love him so much and he was so good in that movie.
Oh my God. When he is in the real world and he's like, but I'm a man.

[5:43] You're doing patriarchy wrong. I was just like, ah. I love it.
No, I love it. It was like truly like been a Ryan Gosling stan from the notebook through line to Barbie.
I'm like great, like all around phenomenal.

[5:58] I know that he is taking time to be with his family, which is good and whatever, but make more movies.
I know. He is just so good.
Oh, I just adore him. And I went to a Boy Genius concert in Bend and love Boy Genius.
If you haven't listened to them, please do. Their new album is incredible.
I'm wearing a Boy Genius tee right now. Oh my God, so cute. But in Bend, I floated the river, and this is the cool thing about Bend.
So you, not naked, I was wearing a bathing suit during that time, unfortunately, but you park at the shuttle, they rent you a tube, they have like water bags for your stuff so you can like buy everything that you need.
You pick up your tube, you like just go in your bathing suit and like, you know, your water sandals.
Also, I got Tevas this summer, best decision ever. They're the best water sandal in the world.
They're so comfortable.
Big, big recommendation for that. But anyway, so you just get on the bus in your swimsuit and your sandals, and they have your tube in the back.
They drop you off at the start of the river. You get your tube, get out, you float down this gorgeous river. It's so scenic, it's so beautiful.
Also, I happened to float by right as Boy Genius was doing their sound check.
So I got to hear them do their soundtrack and I was by the little amphitheater. So I was like.
And then you're just floating down. It's so beautiful.
And there's like teeny tiny little rapids, which are like little water slides, which are really fun.
And then you get to the end and they pick you up and take you back to your car.

[7:24] Oh my God. It was so seamless. I was like, this is amazing. It was so cool.
It was so fun. So it's just been, it's been a great summer. Like lots of like fun things.
I'm going to New York this weekend. Ooh. You, oh, she's announced it.
So my best friend Salwa is pregnant with twins, naturally.

Exciting Baby Celebration and Summer Adventures in Brooklyn

[7:41] Exactly. No way. And so it's very exciting. And so we're doing her baby celebration next weekend in Brooklyn.
So I'm flying out for that. I'm really excited. So it's just been a good little summer.
Oh my God. I'm like filled with joy right now.
That's so exciting. Also, I just love that you've been – like your theme seems to be rivers and I'm in for it.
Rivers. Rivers and roads as head and the heart. Rivers and roads. Oh my God. Wait.
This is controversial. I'm being controversial right now, but the head and the heart.
I loved them when they first came out. I've seen them, you know, like five times.
And I thought back then when they came out, which was to be fair, like a long time ago, I was like 25.
There's like three lead singers, but like the lead singer with dark hair, the man was really hot.
And I recently found him on TikTok.
And he's not, he looks very different. And I was like, Ooh, like it was such like a jump scare.
I was like, Oh my God.
And then I felt really bad because I was like, I don't want to judge someone who knows what's going on in their life. But he just looks different.
Do you feel like he looks different or do you feel like what you're attracted to is different, or both? No, I feel like he looks different. Okay. I have not seen what he looks like in forever.
I think the last time I saw them was like 2014 Outside Lands.
Totally. Yeah. Like I had seen them so, so, so long ago, but it was just like, I was like, whoa. Yeah. It was. Oh my God. That's wild. How's your summer been?

[9:09] Great transition. No, I love it. My summer's been great. I, so I made a summer bucket list for all the things that I want to do in LA and I wanted to make sure I didn't miss anything because I feel I feel like all year, I'm like, oh, I can't wait till summer to do X. And I didn't want to have a weekend go by and then be like, dang, we didn't get to do any of these things.
So at the beginning of the summer, I made a bucket list, which was really awesome.
And it's been so fun to check off, because we decided to predominantly hang out here for the summer, my boyfriend and I. And then, yeah, us too.
Right, it's like you wait all year for this gorgeous time to be here.
So it's so nice. I don't need to be on the Riviera. I can just go to Santa Barbara.
I would. Which, don't get me wrong, I would love to go to the Riviera.
But this year, we were like, we can find the equivalencies in state.
So lots of road trips. The only little thing that we did was we went to go see family and friends in the Midwest.
So we went to Chicago, and I saw my bestie. And we were there for a quick 24 hours.
But it was so much fun, because she was like, what do you want to do?
And I was like, honestly, I just want to hang out with you. Take me to do your thing.
Let's jump in the lake. And so we just were hanging out by the lake for the entire time basically we were there and like jumping in.

[10:32] And it just felt like such a good, it was like a nervous system reset every time you jump in a body of water like that.
And it was so magical. And then we took the train up to go to Milwaukee and hang out with my boyfriend's family.
And then our friends from Chicago came up to like do a pre birthday celebration for my boyfriend, for Connor.
And we did a really fun.
Pizza making thing up there. It was just such a blast. His mom built a pickleball court, which is like iconic. So like at the house, they have a pickleball court and we were like, okay.

[11:06] All right, we'll do it. We'll do it. Yeah. And then just this past week, we celebrated Connor's actual birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday, Connor. We went up to Ojai for a day trip and I'm just, I'm in love with Ojai. Ojai is so cute. I just love it.
It's so hot though, I will say. Oh, yeah. It's very hot. He loves playing golf, so we booked a round of 18, and then I'm good for about nine holes. And so then I was like, okay, babe. If you were a good girlfriend, I'd be like, I love you so much, but no.

[11:38] I am not a golfer. I try and hang, and then by the ninth hole, we're back at the clubhouse, and they're going to go out for their other half. And I was like, loved this, so much fun. I am going to go journal and I'll read my spiritual book in a cute little coffee shop, and I'll pick you up when you're done.
And it was perfect, because I was like, I'm just going to do me.
You're going to finish your round happily with all the buddies you just made in our group.
Now you get to just have your guy time.
That's important. It's important for me to have me time. Yes.
Yeah. So it was great.
And yeah. So anyway, summer's been awesome. Yay. I love to hear that.
Did you see Oppenheimer, by the way? No, not yet. Did you?
It's so good. Yeah. We just saw it on Saturday. It's three hours, so it's like a time commitment, but it's very well done. Christopher Nolan really knocked it out of the park. All the acting is obviously incredible. Cillian Murphy is just insane. But man, it's hard to watch that.

[12:39] Yeah. So I'm- Like the arc of the street and you're just like, ooh, now I know where we are. And just that did effectively destroy so much because now there's this power to destroy so much. It's just, oh, it's really hard. It's heavy. It's heavy. And I think that's why I haven't been running to go see it. I don't know. It's worth it though. I'm definitely going to, but let's put it this way.
I want to go see the Barbie movie for a second time before I go see Oppenheimer. I do too. I want to see Barbie again. I'm like, this was so good. And there's not many movies that I want to see in the theater twice. Like, that's how good it is. I know. I feel like the only other movie that I felt that way was Dune. God, I love Dune. I thought Dune was so good. Yes. And Barbie now, like, oh, and also Stars. What's the Lady Gaga, Bradley Cooper movie? Oh, born, born, star, wait, a star is born? A star is born! A star is born! Yes. I saw that in the movie twice, movie theaters twice, and it was an amazing bolt-tach. Like, just incredible. I love that. So it's rare when those those come around.
I forgot to tell you, this is such a side tangent, but I'm capping off my summer.
I just found out that I'm going to Beyoncé.
Oh!

[13:48] Yeah. I mean, that's another one, like T-Swift, just like on a goddess level and nerdy.
So good. I've heard such an incredible show.
And all the outfit changes and Blue Ivy coming out to dance, what is cooler than that? I know. Seriously.
So that'll be a nice end cap to the summer. Is she coming to LA?
She's coming Labor Day weekend.
And I'm seeing her on her birthday.
It's going to be a good show. It's going to be a good show. That's going to be a great show.
That's going to be special.
Yeah. Beyonce is a queen.

[14:25] She is a queen. Anyways, I figured let's get into some of these.
Let's get into the questions.
Okay. Wait, before we go into them, we decided that we were going to do a fun episode, everybody who's listening. That is all listener questions. Oh, yes.
Let's tell you what we are doing. I'm just assuming that you know.
Amanda was like, and question one.
And question one. I posted on my story to ask my followers to submit questions and they did.
There's lots of fun questions in here. So I will go first. Okay.
Go for it. How to build intimacy with a new partner when one has more experience than the other?
You can answer that first, miss.
So I think, and you know, it's really funny. I actually interpreted this from the lens of if, and I think we can get to this, but let's not fully get to this part yet, but I interpreted it as what, especially if you are going into a newer type of dynamic, let's say you are going into a same-sex dynamic and you've never done that before, where there are different experience levels, maybe you're newer to being in the queer community or whatever it is, how do you enter?
So let's put a pin in that, but I don't wanna jump ahead, but I think that's kind of an interesting angle to also think of things as, but...

[15:43] Yeah, so I think when it comes to intimacy as a whole, which you always say, what's your phrase? You're like, I see into you, you see into me?
Mm-hmm. I mean, that's not my phrase.
That is, I don't know who came up with that, but I have used that. Yes.

Creating an Intimacy Script for Relationship Foundations

[15:56] Yes. So I think when you're setting just a foundation for it, and we'll take a backpedal back from even sex being that topic, but just general intimacy, and you're finding yourself at different levels, I think it's really all about creating an intimacy script together, right? So it's about not just being like, oh, someone's here and I'm here, which is fine. Everybody can be in their own worlds of what intimacy means to them and how they express that for themselves.
But I think when we are creating any sort of co-creative experience, it's about evening the playing field and making sure that you're coming together and defining together what it's like to engage in intimacy? Is it giving each other time to have rich conversations?
Is it about hearing one another out? Spending quality time together, right? Like what does that actually look like for you both to feel connected? And everybody has their own like.

[16:52] Definitions and language around it. I think like a really easy example is going into what are different like love languages that work for you. You're not always going to be in relationship with somebody who has that exact love language as you.
So it's a matter of, to me, really co-creating that and meeting each other where it's at, where you're at, but also exploring what each of your own intimacies mean.
And I think in tandem with that, then it's also about embracing and expanding what intimacy can mean for you, right?
Especially if we are looking at love languages, being like, OK, well, if I'm not someone whose words of affirmation, but my partner or my really great friend is, how can I learn to expand my vocabulary around that type of intimacy? So that's kind of my two cents on that.
Totally. I think I completely agree. For me, I look at this question, and I think that experience is an important perspective because you can have experience generally, but that doesn't mean you have experience with this new person, right?
So like experience is kind of relevant.
Like for example, Zach was married before me. So he has, and my longest relationship was two years before him.
So he has much more experience in being in like a very long-term committed relationship than I do. and.

[18:17] That was helpful because I was really obsessed in the beginning of our relationship with, well, I would say when I moved to Portland, so when we were transitioning out of long distance and into everyday life together, I was really obsessed with the honeymoon stage.
I'm like, oh my God, we have to be in the honeymoon stage. I'm like, if we lose the honeymoon stage, I'm like, what does that mean?
I boiled it down to, I eventually got, we were on a road trip once and so we really got to hash it out.
And because I was nervous about it evaporating ultimately, because in previous relationships, I had been bored, I would get bored, and then I would bounce, right?
So I was really afraid of me satisfying the commitment.

[19:02] And there's that fear, right? So then when I unpack that fear, I was like, well, it wasn't just that I got bored, it's that I was dating very unavailable people, and I was chasing them and chasing them and chasing them and chasing them.
That's what I was attracted to. And then once they became available to me, I was like, I'm bored.
I'm out. That's not my pattern. That's not what I'm attracted to. And or I've been treated badly for so long. There's only so long of that. It's so much you can take eventually you get to a breaking point. So I was leaving for those reasons. It wasn't just the boredom. And so once I was able to figure that out, then I was able to completely let that go and just relax.
And I think his experience of being in something longer term, he was able to really hold space for me there and like help me explore that and like.

[19:48] You know, kind of gently suggest, like, well, you know, I'm, I don't care about the honeymoon phase.
Like I want everyday life with you. Like that's what's interesting to me, you know? And so that was really helpful. So I think, you know, experience is helpful. It can be, if you are the more experienced one, you can, you know, sort of hold space for someone who's maybe new to whatever experience you guys are experiencing together or newer, but also I think being open to you guys.

[20:17] Are experiencing each other in a relationship for the very first time, and that is new.
That is special. That is unique. There will never be something like that again. Even in your life, like you will have something else if you are in another relationship. So both being open-minded to the fact that, as you said, you have to define what that looks like for you. And I think this is in terms of emotional and physical intimacy. It's being able to communicate through your needs, your fears, your feelings, your boundaries, and being able to do that openly with your partner and your partner being able to openly do that with you. And if you guys can do that, then you can navigate the bumps that will inevitably come up around both emotional and physical intimacy.
And it's that emotional availability to each other that I think will lead you into how to define what you guys are both looking for and let that evolve and change as you you get into the relationship.
Yeah, definitely. What are your thoughts on if someone feels like there's a difference between sexual intimacy.

Exploring the Difference Between Sexual Intimacy and Experience

[21:24] And experience there? What are your thoughts?
I mean, I think it's being open to what that means for you.
I think there needs to be some internal work first of, why does that feel, why do I feel insecure about that?
Because just because someone has had a lot of sexual partners does not mean they have more experience with like.
You know, good sex. You know what I mean? A lot of partners does not good sex make.
So it's like, what feels insecure about that for you? What are you worried about?
What are you wanting that you're fearful you can't do? Understanding what that is so that you can bring that to your partner and say, you know, here's what I'm nervous about. And then they can.

[22:04] Hopefully, you know, share with you what their experience has been and, you know, that they're open and they can like hold space for you in there. But I think it's just communicating at at the end of the day, what your needs are and what you're comfortable with and what you're willing to explore and what you're not willing to explore.
That doesn't need to be super defined. You can find that as you go and be like, ooh, love this.
Keep going there. Do not love that. Let's stay away from that.
Yeah. Kind of develop that. But to me, really, it's having that emotional availability and that emotional intimacy first that's going to allow you to feel comfortable to explore physical intimacy in a way that feels really safe.
Yeah, I totally agree with that. I'm so aligned there. And I think too, like, just to echo off of that.

[22:50] There's nothing wrong if you are more in like a beginner category, but I even shy away from that word because I don't even like to put a hierarchy on things.
But for lack of better terminology here, if you do find yourself in that space, there's nothing wrong with that.
Just because it seems or appears like someone has more experience isn't always the case.
And I'm just so in agreeance with you that it's really all about kind of aligning on each of your expectations, coming with that emotional availability and communication, like you said. So it really has nothing to do with performance in the bedroom.
No. And by the way, someone can be someone who's had so much sex, and like you said, they can blow. It can be the worst experience you could ever have.
Totally. Because they're not tuned in. They're not tuned in to themselves. They don't know what emotional intimacy is. There's so many things. But I also think sex isn't just about technique. There's good technique and there's not great technique. But technique just can't get you.

[23:55] Is not for just any person across the board. What worked with one partner partner won't necessarily work with the other partner, right?
Yes. Good sex is tuning into the partner that is in front of you and their body and listening and hearing what they want and that's exploring and being like, that doesn't feel good, but this does feel good.
It's exploring that together.
You can't come into the first time having sex with someone knowing that, no matter what.
You are both discovering each other's bodies for the first time, no matter how much experience you have.
And I think understanding that, even if your partner has been with 20 people and you've only been with one, they're still coming to your body brand new. Yes.
They're not humble in that experience of like, this is brand new to me and they're going to be like, oh, like that is not going to be a good experience for you. And because they're not tuning into you. And like that to me is what good sex is, is someone who is willing to be like.

The Importance of Mind and Growth in Sex

[25:01] Your body. Cool. How do I have to learn how to play your body and you have to learn how to play mine. Yes. 100%. You just reminded me of like, it's a very funny side tangent. Well, not so funny, but interesting side trend and then I'll get to the next question. But I had a friend recently tell me that they were with someone who said that they could tell by the way someone looked if they were able to squirt or not during sex. And they were being so like such an egomaniac about it.
And we were just like, eww. Like basically like being like, oh, yeah, like can have one look at you and be like, I can make you squirt and just like what? What? Get away. I guarantee you, You fucking can't.
Yeah. So yeah, red flag. So that attitude, if you know anything about people with vaginas, it's a lot about the mind.
And you just turn that mind right on off, baby. So there's the door.
There's the door. Adios, bye-bye.
OK, so I think this next question is a good segue from this because it's a little bit in tandem.
But how to navigate when one person is growing and evolving but their partner likes to stay in their comfort zone?
Oh, I love this question. It's good. I love this question a lot.
I deal with this a lot with people that come in and are already in a relationship.

[26:17] Here's the thing. You are not your partner's mom.
Or dead. So we are not in charge of what they are going into and what they are not. What we are in charge of is what we are going into and what we are not. So what we want to focus on is our growth, right? And we want to share openly with our partner if that's the kind of relationship we have about like, this is what I'm doing and this what's cool and whatever. And if we are.

[26:43] Doing any sort of fixation on what they're doing and or trying to micromanage that, One, we are avoiding ourselves because we're not focusing on us, right?
So we're not growing in the ways that we think we are because we're over here worried about someone else's growth.
Two, that is so stifling and not sexy and just like, ugh, ugh, get away from me if someone is doing that to you.
So that doesn't breed a healthy relationship.
I will say, if you are like, I am focused on me, I'm just focusing on me, I'm doing my thing, but I'm noticing that I'm growing in a way that my partner is not, we're no longer aligned, that can happen.
And that is unfortunately, well, actually, not unfortunately.
I think relationship ending is not a bad thing. This is why I don't believe in marriage, side tangent.
Because I think that marriage does not allow for relationships to end.
It says this relationship needs to last for the rest of your life.
And if it doesn't, it's a failure. And I don't think that's true.
I think relationship ending is a beautiful thing when they need to end.
If you have grown with a person for a period of time and you're no longer growing together and you can't grow together anymore, ending that is a beautiful, beautiful thing.
So there are times where you are going to outgrow someone and that is okay.
So if that is happening, it's acknowledging that, right? And saying, I've get to a point where now this is no longer aligned for me and now I have to process that new knowledge.

[28:08] Really our job is focus on us and with our partner, take them for who they are exactly in their moment, not any sort of like projection and potential, and say, does this work for me or not, right?
I don't, I'm not in love with Zach because of who he could be.
I'm in love with him for who he fucking is right now.
And if that changes, we already, we're very aligned on that.
Like if one of us is like, I don't, I'm not in love with who you are anymore, please leave me.
I don't want to be with someone.
And he's the same. He's like, please leave me. I don't want to be with someone like that.

[28:40] And you know, same. So we have, that's our job as a partner.
It's like, I'm seeing who you are and I accept who you are. I'm not trying to make you something different to fit what I want. I'm saying either yes or no.
And now we need to have a different conversation.
Yes.
So that's what I would say. Yeah, beautifully said.
And I think that's why fixer upper projects don't work.
Right?
Like, Well then honey, fixer uppers for a house, not a human. No demo day here.
No demo day. Yeah, and I think to.
Whenever I've been in a position where I've been in a big growing place, I really, I agree with you. I take that as like my own journey.
And if it's something that I'm excited to somehow bring anyone along with, I'll kind of lead by example and just be like, okay, well, I don't know, let's say something like going to the gym.
Like you're like, I want my partner. It's very simple, right?
Like to grow and evolve and like, like explore new activities and movement with me.
Let's, let's figure out different things.
It's more of an exploratory conversation of like, hey, I don't know, I saw this rock climbing gym.
I'm just throwing random stuff out there.

[29:52] Want to come with me? And just different opportunities, but also not taking it as law that they need to be someone who wants to do this one thing with me all the time and be a part of my growth in a certain category.
Sometimes it's nice to have your own things. So I definitely don't view it as a bad thing.
I view it as a kind of like almost like a menu, right? Like you're not gonna like every dish that comes out and that's okay. And you're not gonna align on, you know, loving every appetizer, but they're all options that are available.
And I think it's about having that respect for one another to like be into their own things and their own growth and evolution.
Right, and I think that there is, you know, someone who might be like looking at their partner and they're like, well, you know, but my partner is like stuck, right?
Like they're in a dead-end job they don't love and so they're depressed and they're just like, they just want to sit on the couch and, you know, watch TV and they don't, you know, they're not doing anything that I can see that is like furthering that position.
And I want to be doing blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
To me, that sounds like you need to look at if you really want to be with that partner or not.
Cause like they're on their journey and they're doing what they need to do.
And they will grow through that in their fucking time.
And you can't control them, right?
I think I have this mostly with my mom.

Learning to Let Go and Allow Others to Live Their Lives

[31:20] I can see the ways my mom, that I wanna push my mom towards.
And it's hard, because I will try to micromanage her and I have to really step back and be like, this is her life.
It's her life. You know, if she wants to do that, then that's great.
That's for her, that's not for me. and we are different.
And just because I think that she has this capacity doesn't mean that that's where she's at, and that's okay.
Yes. I think that's like a grown up with a single mom kind of a thing.
Yeah, and I think just I've felt this in many capacities of my life in different relationships and just always going back, you said it a minute ago, but I always go back to this being like.
They're on their own soul journey. I cannot be the one to tell them how to live their life, nor do I want to be that person. And yeah, so I like your distinction there kind of between.

[32:14] There is a line between what I was explaining of like bringing people along on like activities versus like what you're saying, which is like, if it really does feel like that stark difference, right? Like, is that something that you actually want anymore? It's a small like antidote that I I thought was kind of funny.
And I was inspired by the internet to do this.
But my partner loves to sleep in on the weekends. And I honestly get up at the same time every day.
So I don't sleep in that often.
Sometimes I wake up on the weekends. Not often, but I'm like, I'm ready to get my day started. Let's go.
Like, da, da, da, da, da. And I saw someone make a TikTok about it.
And they were just like, girlies, if your partner is sleeping in, just who cares?
Get up. Start your day. Do your thing.
Get out there. Go to the farmer's market. Get your flowers. Zach and I have very different sleep clocks.
I love to go to bed early and he loves to go to bed late.
And we were trying to like go to bed at the same time for like a while.

[33:07] And we recently were like, let's try going to bed at different times so that I get to go to bed when I wanna go to bed.
And I feel good about that. And like, I get to like, you know, read before bed and do other things.
And then you get to go to bed when you wanna go to bed and you get to like, you know, have your alone time and whatever. And it's so helpful.
And like, if I wanna get up early, right now I'm not getting up early because my naturopath informed me, and this might be helpful to other people, but the sleep between seven and 9 a.m.
Is actually really healing. If you've had adrenal fatigue or if you've had hormonal issues, it's very healing for your adrenals.
And so, like to not, if you're like still very sleepy and wanting to like keep sleeping, to not force yourself awake during that time because your body actually might need it.
And so I've been like really leaning into that, which has been awesome.
Like I've never slept better, I'm sleeping so well.
But when I do get up earlier, I just get up and go do stuff.
And then when Zach wakes up, he's like, oh, what are you doing?
Cool. And then we reconnect. And we still get to have that morning snuggle time.
I'll go in when he's waking up, and then we lay in bed, and then we snuggle, and we talk about it.
And I still get that. So I think, yes, it's like you have to pursue what's good for you.
And your partner can meet you there and or not meet you there.
And if they're not meeting you there, then we need to have a different conversation.
Yeah, 100%.

[34:28] Aligned. Aligned. Yes, done. Okay, moving on.

Manifestation and Learning from Recurring Patterns

[34:32] Can your manifestation still come through while you're running into the fire, knowing you're running into the same fire, same recurring theme, or until you officially say no, will it come through.
Honestly, Amanda, this sounds like a you question. Yeah. So I have a very different take on manifestation than I even learned. It's like sort of just gone into my own little thing. So we are here to learn. We are here to grow.
And though you may be running into what you consider the same fire.

[35:04] You are learning different things every time. So if it's like you're dating someone unavailable, you're learning a different thing about that unavailable pattern every single time you do it, and you need all of that information for you to walk out of that pattern. So we are not doing things in order to get our manifestation, right? So you don't have to say no to somebody for your manifestation to come through. I don't bite into that because that's about control, right? We're.

[35:34] Not controlling when something comes in or how something comes in. We don't have to prove our worth to anybody, the universe especially. And it's coming in its divine time and you are learning what you're needing to learn in that interim. So if we use the analogy of like you're on a road trip, right? Like you're reaching your destination, but you're also going to stop for gas. And you're also going to stop at that cute little store that you saw that you want to get like a little knick-knack from and or you're going to stop for food, right? And you need all of that in the process of your journey, but you're still getting to that journey, right? And there it's just like baked in. It's just part of it. So I would worry much less about that, oh no, I'm like running into this empire because you're not. Again, you're learning something new each time. Because that to me is you're focused on the fear of it. Fear of I might not get it. Fear of I might not be good enough.
And focus much more on like, what am I learning? What is this teaching me? What am I gaining from this experience? Because we don't have to be fucking perfect. And there's also so much perfectionism in all of us of like, well, I have to show up perfectly. I have to do this.
And we don't. We just don't. We get to be in process. We get to be many different layers of what that looks like. There is never going to be a perfect button up part that just doesn't exist. We're here. This is earth school. We're here to learn. So I would focus much more on what.

[36:56] You're learning because that will help you get into better trust with yourself, which will help help you recognize your worth more, which then means you will be in peace more, which means you will be able to surrender, which means you'll get into that flow and magnetism river, and then you will be like, hands behind your head, fucking chilling, and you won't be, you'll be like, when it comes in, it'll fucking come in, and like, I'm in bliss, so like, whatever. And that is where you want to be.
Yes. You'll be floating in the river, listening to Boy Genius' soundcheck, just living in in your blood.
But I have to say, I just thought of like a...
Interesting analogy I guess. The way I view running into the fire is less about like getting.

[37:38] Out on the other side and like trying to avoid it, but I see it more as like what am I running into the fire for? And let's look at it this way, like a building, your home is on fire, you have 5-10 seconds to run in and get something. What is it that you're going to get? What is that tool that you're going to gather from the fire, right? And so I almost look at like this concept of going into the fire, like going into the dark, going, doing the shadow work, doing the deep investigation is like, what are the tools I'm looking for for that next level self that I'm stepping into? What is, what are the resources that I'm seeking so I can step into that version of myself that is seeking those manifestations that is seeking that dream life. So to me, it's almost like getting my like backpack, right? Getting like my toolkit together for the version of myself I'm ready to step into. That's not going to be an overnight thing. It's going to be an evolution that sometimes takes months, weeks, years, whatever it might take, it's on its own divine timing. So I'm totally with you. And I don't think it's like a challenge of just trying to get there as soon as possible. Totally. And you know, like I didn't meet Zach until I was 37.
And I just find a story. My favorite podcast is Armchair Expert. And they have Armchair Anonymous where they like give prompts and then you can write in like with your story. And I just submitted.

[38:55] My first story, and I really hope I'll get on it. And it was about an embarrassing romantic pursuit that went awry, and I have a very good story for that. And I submitted it, and I was thinking back to this when I was 25, and I was thinking back to that 25-year-old self, and I was like, man, there was just no fucking way I could have met Zach then. Just no way. I was not there. That That girl was not ready at all.
She had so much to learn. She was not who I am now.

Embracing Self-Appreciation and Relationship Growth

[39:24] And I'm so happy to be who I am now because I appreciate my relationship and my partner.
And I'm an amazing partner.
Like every day I'm just like, man, dust your shoulder off. Like you rule crushing it.
Exactly. Very good. So, but I needed all of that time and lessons and learnings to be able to get there.
So it's just get out of the fucking timeline.
Yeah, get out of the timeline. It's not your business and it doesn't matter.
And your thing, if you desire it, it will be. Period. The end.
So, focus on you and your bliss in the meantime, because if you're waiting for that thing to give you that bliss, you are not getting the point.
Yep. All about the process.
I have another manifestation question for you. Great. What do you do when you're unblocking, expanding, but don't seem to be getting any pings to take action?

[40:18] Welcome your thoughts on getting into relationship flow. Well, I just don't think that's true.
I don't think that you're... I'm hesitant to use so much TVM language, but...
I know. I was going to say, do we want to kind of like redefine?
Like, I look at a ping as kind of an intuitive hit.
Yeah. Yeah. Intuitive. So, so... And I say that not because I have a problem with TVM, but because that's their intellectual property and I no longer work for them.
So I don't want to step on that.
Anywho, I don't think that that's true. I don't think that your intuition is being quiet because your intuition is talking to you all the time.
I think that you're not listening to it because you haven't taught yourself how to listen to it.
So also taking action isn't just like big things, right? Like taking action is like, I need to go outside and like lay on that patch of grass right there.
Yes. Like that is taking action because that's what you need in that moment, right?
So you, I'm getting that you have some assumption about what action needs to look like.
And that assumption is getting in your way.
That assumption is preventing you from seeing what your intuition is.
And if we can remove that assumption and just let it be what it fucking is, right?
Which might be like, I need to go lay on that patch of grass right there for an hour, then we can start to pay attention to that. And we can start to take that seriously.
We can start to trust that. And then when we do, then we will get more and then we will lean in more and we will lean in more and more and more. And then that's how we get into that sense of flow.
So I would say, look at your expectations of what you think actually needs to look like.
And we need to get quiet and we need to hear the things that.

[41:45] Our intuition is saying to us, even if it doesn't make any sense, like going to lay on the patch of grass for an hour, is anything going to happen after that? No, but we don't do shit to make things happen. That is control. We're going to stop getting – we're going to not control. We're going to get out of control. We're going to be in trust. I love. So that means we're doing what we want to do for our growth and to meet our needs. And when we can focus there, then we'll feel that sense of flow more. Totally. I have Two tips.

Following Intuitive Hits and Finding Pleasure in Daily Life

[42:15] Well, I have one tip and an interesting story. I'll start.
My intuitive hit story was a couple months ago this winter, I was driving around my neighborhood and there was this crystal shop.
I got home and I was hanging out at home.
I was like, why am I feeling this weird calling to go to this crystal shop?
I went and I was like in this shop and I was like, I'm not feeling it.

[42:36] This is really expensive, I'm not even really like a crystal, like, I'm not like crazy about getting crystals, so I was like, this is kind of like not what I want to spend $70 on right now for this like little crystal. I was like, I'm good.
And then a couple weeks ago, I realized that the reason why I got that intuitive hit was because right next door to the crystal shop was this facialist who I found who has become this amazing friend of mine and I have been going once a month to go see her and I realized this only the last time I was seeing her.

[43:06] Because I was telling her about this crystal shop that was next door.
And then I had this total aha moment, because I remember at the time being like, oh, I wonder why that intuitive hit brought me there, whatever, breezing it off.
But there's always things that circle back months later. And you'll be like, oh, wow.
Well, the thing with your intuition is it doesn't always lead you somewhere tangible.
And it doesn't need to.
The point of trusting it is just listening to it and following it.
So going and laying on that patch of grass will allow you to follow the intuition that will take you somewhere. But you can't get to that if you're not willing to follow the things that are just in the moment going to make you smell a nice flower or enjoy that patch of grass. So that is such an integral part of building that will lead you to a story like that where you are like, oh my god, now I found this thing because I listened to this thing. You have to be really allowing yourself to trust and listen to all of it.
Yeah. And my tip that I wanted to share off of this was really around to make a better practice of what it means to follow your intuition, I really like to share about the pleasure practice, which is all about finding that one thing during your day that's going to give you pleasure. And it's just a radical question to ask yourself, right? Being like...
Or extra credit, more than one thing.
Yes. Yes, exactly. You know, but if we're starting really simple, just being like, okay, if I have five minutes, what's one thing that I want to really do for myself today? Or an hour or whatever, right? What are a few things I'm excited to do for myself today?" And.

[44:33] When you begin to change your neural programming to asking yourself what your needs are and what your wants and desires are, that's really when you can begin to be in dialogue with your intuition because you're like, hmm, now that I really think of it, I do want to go lie on a patch of grass.
Or now that I think of it, I actually would love to close my computer an hour early today and take time to go on a walk, right?
So it's little, little things, but that just inspired me as a little tidbit for if you are wondering what it's like to even be in communication with your intuition and any sort of intuitive hits, it's a good place to start.
Totally, I love that. Okay, should we do one more question?
Yeah, let's do it. How to navigate, heal, deep feeling, deep, deep, deep.

Navigating Rejection and Reframing its Meaning

[45:15] Rejection, after ending a six-year relationship even though you felt it wasn't totally aligned from the beginning.
Oh, I love this question. So.

[45:24] Rejection is one of those shadow feelings and words that I think when you learn to embrace it, your life actually flips, like it 180s.
I think a lot of us relate to rejection in many different ways.
For me, I think of my earliest memories of rejection are on the playground.
Literally someone not wanting to play or a kid not wanting to be your friend or whatever it is.
I think I've explained this on other episodes, but I have had a lot of wounding around rejection that has made me, like pendulumed me into a phase of being very people-pleasing, and I think this is super common.
A lot of people have this story, and from that, then I realized that it swung me in really that complete opposite way of fearing rejection, avoiding it at all costs, and then only to realize, what am I avoiding all of this for?
I think rejection is a wonderful mirror for investigation.

[46:23] A lot of people, and I think this comes up a lot even in the bedroom, this is why it can get so hard for people to speak their needs or even say what they really want to say when it comes to their pleasure and their intimacy, because it is that root fear of rejection of being like, if I say my desires, if I say my fantasies, will I be accepted for them?
I think you're not feeling anything out of the ordinary. I would actually urge you to maybe look at those deep feelings of rejection, you had a lot of ease there, as not so much of a bad thing, right? It's not bad to feel deep feelings. What is behind that and what is there room for you to explore there? What is being called to you to look at and deeper within?
In. And I think from like, so I think number one, there's like a bit of an investigative journey there for you in that in those deep feelings, there's going to be a lot to unearth and a lot for that next evolution of self. But I kind of want to also give you a glimmer of hope that once you do do that investigation, that really is when you get to reframe what rejection means for you. And it looks different for everyone. Like I can't really prescribe, like this is like step 1234 of like what rejection is for you. But I can tell you that when you get to the other side of reframing it, you kind of don't give a fuck. And it's not like.

[47:49] You're heartless and you're not going to have feelings about anything, but your rebound rate is going to be a lot faster and you're not going to take things as personally because you've learned to love yourself in the mix of it all and realize that anybody who's rejecting you or is not Accepting who you are is...

Leaning in versus leaning out: Embracing rejection and suffering

[48:09] Exactly that. They're not meant to be a player in your life.
100%. What I've been sort of saying lately is we need to lean in versus lean out. So what causes the suffering is trying to avoid that sense of rejection. We're not willing to look at it. We don't want to feel it. We want to like, oh, and we do that by putting, thought and story around why that happened without actually leaning into what it feels like. So the way that we lean in is by sitting with and being like, Hey, I feel rejected.
Let me sit with that. I don't need to put that or story to it. I'm rejected because right. That again is thinking, which is suppressing your emotion, which will lead to suffering and is like a rollercoaster ride of like down into like a little black hole in your brain.
But if instead we just sit with that rejection, I feel rejected, eyes closed, hand on heart.
Okay. Do I feel in any particular place in my body? Name it if you do. And then just sit with the emotion, welcome it in like a treasured guest.
This is cheesy, but into your heart and let it be there with you.
Sit with the intensity.
It takes like two to three minutes to truly feel. And again, we're not putting thought, we're not putting story to it. We are just feeling. Those thoughts and stories will pop up.
We're just gonna say, not right now.

[49:19] I'm gonna focus on feeling. And it's somatic in your body. Like you feel a hand in water, right?
And if we can really sit and process that feeling, we can be taken to the depths.
The depths do not need to be feared. just like the deep end of the pool, right?
Once you learn how to swim, you can swim over there. And you just need to learn how to swim in your depths, which means you just need to learn how to sit with it.
And when we get there, there is such beauty and such perspective on the other side of it that you cannot get if you don't lean in.
So if you sit with the feeling and you get to the other side, there might be feeling underneath that, sadness, heartbreak, disappointment, great, feel it all.
Get to the other side and then you will be in that place of more adult worth because the inner child wounding, we'll want to lean out. We'll be like, nope, avoid.
No, let me put that in our story.
Because what is that doing?
That's keeping you safe because there's no growth there. You're just in your patterns.
But if you're feeling and leaning in and you're getting to the other side, You are now in your growth.

[50:16] Right? And you're getting that new perspective that you're in that adult self-worth. So you'll be like, okay, yeah, that is a bummer and I'm tender and that's unfortunate, but I'm okay.
Because the reason why we fear rejection is because we think, again, inner child wounding, that means something about us. I'm not actually worthy. I won't ever be loved. There's something wrong with me, right? It's usually one of those three. And if we can sort of narrow it down and and figure out what particular wound that is for us and the way that that particular wound sort of splinters out.
And we focus on walking our inner child through, hey, you are safe and adult self.
I love you. I got you. I see you. I accept you. No matter what, I will not reject you.
I will not abandon you. I am here. You are safe with me.
Welcome. And we allow ourselves to feel. We can lean in and take what it is meant to give us.
A relationship ending is sad.
No matter if you thought that that person was for you not, right? It's sad when something ends, be sad, sit with that sadness. We don't need to feel.

[51:18] Good feelings in quotes all of the time. We are human meant to be feeling our way through this physical experience and that is the range of emotion that we'll be feeling until the end of time. We're not robots, right? So it's really learning how to lean into that process because that will remove the suffering and you will just feel and it's intense, but there's such beauty there. There's such depth there and there's such perspective there. And that's really learning how to step into that adult self and worth. And then you can be like, yeah, I knew that person wasn't for me and I stayed. Why? And let me explore that. Let me look at the reason why I didn't trust myself, why I didn't prioritize my needs, why I let my boundaries get trampled on, whatever it is.
Now let's explore that so you can go, awesome. Look at this basket full of shit I learned.
Now I'm ready for my next experience. I'm prepared. I'm this new version of myself. I'm this new evolution.

[52:15] And this past is what got me there, right? Like, that's where all that perspective is. It's leaning in.
So lean in, lean in and feel. And it's okay to feel, and it doesn't mean anything about you.
It's just learning how to, as you said, get to like feel it and that it's okay.
Like I oftentimes have people be like, well, but if I do this, then, you know, what if I feel lonely?
And I'm like, then feel fucking lonely.
It won't kill you, right?
Like I experienced loneliness, you know, loneliness would come up when I was single and I would just sit with it and be like, okay, I feel lonely right now.
And I would just get to the other side of it and I would let myself feel it.
I wouldn't put that or story to it. I wouldn't put, I wouldn't drama it.
I w it was just feeling it and I would get to the other side and guess what?
I'd be like, okay, what do I need in this moment? And sometimes it'd be like, I need to go to bed or it'd be like, I'm going to call a friend or it'd be like, I need to journal or, you know, I need to go have a piece of chocolate, whatever.
Yeah. And then I would do that thing and then like, carry on with my day.
We cannot avoid feeling. That does not get us anywhere. I mean, I guess we can't, but it doesn't get us anywhere. We need to lean in and just allow ourselves to feel and take away the stories that we have around those feelings. We're just meant to feel and it's okay. Yeah. And we're okay if we feel them, right? In our child wounding, we'll say lean out, adult worth leans in. So lean in.

Graduating from relationships and leaning into new chapters

[53:36] Lean in. It also makes me think of some of our other conversations we've had about really like graduating, right?
Being like, okay, I have graduated from this relationship, whatever that context might've been, we are each graduating from one another.
And I see that opportunity.

[53:55] As just as exciting as it does have those deep feelings that we need to investigate.
So it's all part of that next chapter that you're entering.
Totally. Breakups to me feel like when I have leaned in and allow myself to feel, so I'm showing up, I'm not avoiding. They feel like a sunrise. You know, like when you watch a sunrise and there's just such possibility on the horizon, you're like, ooh, like what is the day going to bring? Like that's what it feels like to me. Like I I think back to those periods of my life and there was just so much fruit there.
Yes.

[54:30] If I was doing the work to lean in and not avoid, right? Then I could show up and be really present to it.
And that's like, those are magical times.
Yeah, I would say so. That only certain things are gonna give us what we want to feel.
And that is giving away your power.
Your power is in you. Only you can create the way that you want to feel no matter of external circumstances.
Like that is like, look at someone who's like, Okay, I wanna be an actor, so I will be happy when I make it and I'm on a TV show.
Okay, I got the TV show. Okay, I'll be happy when I'm critically acclaimed and I'm in like, you know, an Oscar nominated movie.
Okay, did that. Okay, well, I'll be happy when I actually Oscar nominated and I get, you know, and I win the Oscar.
Okay, that happens and I'm fucking miserable.
What's going on? Because we think that these external circumstances are gonna give us that feeling, right?
And we have to create that feeling inside of ourselves to even fucking enjoy the external circumstances.
Otherwise they will be empty because you are.
We have to fill our cup.

[55:30] What we have right now and you have everything you need to do it. Everything.
Yeah. Right now. You're fully resourced. Yeah.
I love it. Should we do another question or I think we're good?
I think we can do a round two because there's so many. I know. We're going to have to do a part two. Q&A part two, everybody.
Q&A part two, coming up.

Excitement and Gratitude for a Fun Conversation

[55:51] Thanks, Amanda. This was so fun. Thank you. This is so fun. I know. Let's do this. Let's do this more. This is great.
I know. I don't know why we haven't done this yet.
This is honestly what I wanted it to be.
Yay!
Thanks, everybody. And if you have more questions, um... We're gonna make a link, everybody, where you can ask your questions.
Yeah, I was just gonna be like, let's go through how we do that, but you don't need to hear that, guys. We will do that on our own.
We will keep you posted. Okay, cool. Thanks, guys. Thank you, guys. Have a good week.

[56:20] Music.

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