CONGRATS, you've gone through (or are going through) a breakup! No for real, I'm being serious. Welcome to your detour in the right direction. Today I'm joined by guest Lydia Klemensowicz, a certified Reiki Master and Dating and Breakup Coach, who here to share her insights on navigating the journey from heartbreak to healing. We're unpacking practical tips and the importance of embracing vulnerability, and learning what it looks like to channel pain into purpose. Consider this your guide to recovering from heartbreak and becoming magnetic AF!!
On this episode we cover:
📥 Download Monthly Archetype Template
💌 Subscribe to the Sealed List Newsletter
💘 Let's be internet friends!!
Connect with Lydia:
Be sure to rate, review, and share this episode with a friend! LOVE YOU!
CONGRATS, you've gone through (or are going through) a breakup! No for real, I'm being serious. Welcome to your detour in the right direction. Today I'm joined by guest Lydia Klemensowicz, a certified Reiki Master and Dating and Breakup Coach, who here to share her insights on navigating the journey from heartbreak to healing. We're unpacking practical tips and the importance of embracing vulnerability, and learning what it looks like to channel pain into purpose. Consider this your guide to recovering from heartbreak and becoming magnetic AF!!
On this episode we cover:
📥 Download Monthly Archetype Template
💌 Subscribe to the Sealed List Newsletter
💘 Let's be internet friends!!
Connect with Lydia:
Be sure to rate, review, and share this episode with a friend! LOVE YOU!
This is Bedside, a podcast series on a mission to debunk sex. I'm your host, Tatiana, and each week we uncover stories, ideas, and expert information to help guide you on your ever evolving journey of deep love, relationships, and good sex. Oh, and a little bit of manifestation sprinkled in there too. Hello, you guys, and welcome back to the bedside podcast. I'm your host Tatiana at the bedside on Instagram, on TikTok, all the fun places. I'm so happy that you are tuned in and listening today. Happy Wednesday. So excited to be here. I also am excited to be here because I really feel like we've turned such a new page. It is officially spring. You guys, the blooms are blooming. The pollen is pollinating. I actually had to call my landlord the other day because I was like, listen, between the pollen and some of the dust buildup in my hvac, we've got to get to the bottom of this. So , I just had like my HVAC deeply cleaned out, which I needed because in combination with all of these new pollinators, I'm kind of like dying over here. The symptoms are. In full swing. So that being said, I'm just really excited to be entering spring. And I'm also thrilled because of today's podcast episode being all about transformation, specifically healing from heartbreak and learning how to transform that heartbreak into living your best life today. My guest is Lydia. She helps women and men heal from heartbreak so they can attract the loves of their lives. They deserve. She's a certified Reiki master and dating and breakup coach, and she's really helped people honestly go from being in a place of pain to one of thriving. She offers such powerful insights and empathy and guidance for people to have transformative breakthroughs in their love lives, which I think is so great because really on this episode today, we're talking about. Going from breakup to breakthrough and how to recover from a heartbreak, whether that is romantic, whether that is a friendship breakup, because guys, that is so valid that we talk about that more on the episode today, and really into living your best life and awakening that power within you. post breakup, how to love yourself again and really turn it into something so purposeful and something so soul aligned. Lydia shares all about her own breakup story and then goes into tips around how we can begin our own self love journeys, how we can use our body in the somatic experience to begin to kind of find ourselves again. And she's got some amazing programs. The breakup blueprint is one of hers. And also the romance reset, which reminds me that we also talk so much about how we can begin romanticizing our lives. I just loved this part of the conversation. So anyways, whether or not you're going through a breakup or you've been through one in the past, AKA, I loved this topic because I was like, wow, this made me re reminding me of a lot of the breakups that I've been through in the past and what it's looked like. What I honestly wish the tools I had around healing could have been in those circumstances. And so it is just so beneficial regardless of if you're in this time of life or not, um, Transcribed Just to remind yourself the power that we have to transform and the ways that we can actually begin to live our lives romantically for ourselves and then have that be an extension for anybody else that we decide to bring in. So without further ado, I'm really excited to get into today's episode with Lydia. Hi everybody and welcome back to the Bedside Podcast. I'm so excited to have you here this week and with me joining us on the show today is my guest Lydia, who is a heartbreak coach, a relationship expert, and we're so excited to just like dive into all of the juiciness today. But without further ado, I just want to welcome Lydia. Hi. Hi, Tatiana and hello, everybody listening. It's so good to be here. My name is Lydia. I'm in Sovich and I am exactly all the things Tatiana said. A heartbreak lover, a dating coach and a heartbreak lover. I say, because I think that heartbreak is one of our most powerful tools for transformation and optimization. So while it's extremely painful and hard, I really love working with people, community clients to help them turn the power and heartbreak medicine into their next best chapter so that they can rebuild self worth and attract healthy, desirable love and relationships. I love it. And I'm so excited to dive in with you because I just feel like this is such a relevant topic. And honestly, I think this segues me into One of my first questions for you, I was actually really curious to ask this because I've, I've always wondered it myself, but do you feel like, and this kind of applies because I want to make sure and, you know, people listening are like, well, maybe I'm not going through an immediate heartbreak right now. But I'm curious to know if you think there's a difference between romantic heartbreak and platonic heartbreak. Oh, that's such a good question. And yes and no is my answer. So I think it's actually quite similar in terms of the steps that we go through when we're grieving a loss of heartbreak. So we go through these like several stages. First, it's that initial shock when we actually realize, okay, like, is this happening? I'm not sure. Did that just happen? And then we go into the denial stage. And I think denial is apparent both in friendship and romantic, especially because in both cases, I mean, every relationship is so different, but often when you go through friendship breakups, you've invested a lot more energy and time, right? Like, especially if you think about friendships from childhood. That's so much time. And so we, our brain thinks, Oh, I've invested all of this time. So I don't even know if that feels real or it used to be so natural for you to reach out to this person that happens in friendship and romantic, right? And then we usually hit depression right after that. And these stages that I'm mentioning, it's not always linear. It sometimes goes back and forth, but then we've hit that deep depression where it really sinks in. And then we get into the anger stage for both of those phases. So I see this actually both in friendship and romantic. We feel that anger of blame and shame. And especially if we feel that we were hurt or backstabbed in some way, then it feels so easy to. navigate that stage and a lot of people actually sometimes skip that stage because either anger feels uncomfortable or they want to just avoid the feeling altogether. And so then I actually think it's really important to move through anger. What oftentimes people do is they might use anger in the unhealthy kind of ways like retracting back or pointing fingers or putting in the last word or last text message to say your final piece. But actually that's not the right way to cope with it. And there's healthier ways. And then after that, there's sometimes the bargaining stage, which is like going back and forth. That's kind of that Ross and Rachel stage, which can apply to friendships to like, Oh, maybe I do want this person back in my life. And you're kind of like, Oh, will they, or won't they? And I know that that happens both romantically and platonically. And then there's the stage of acceptance. So actually, I think they're actually very similar. The only difference would be Oftentimes heartbreak just has that additional intimate moment of it, right? Like it's really activating into a lot of people's fears of deeper intimacy. And I think a romantic partner in a deeper way than friendship sometimes mirrors back those like attachment wounds, but we can definitely feel it in friendships. I know a lot of people are talking about the friendship breakup conversation a lot more. So yeah, it's really interesting to see the parallels. Yeah, absolutely. And I kind of want to dig into The attachment styles that you mentioned it a bit, but I guess before we go there, I'm just so curious to know how did you find yourself in this place of exploring this work and becoming this heartbreak expert? Is there sort of a reason or how did you find yourself here? Yeah. So I'll take you through a little bit about my journey because one does not get into this without having her fair share of heartbreak and lessons in that. Well, first, you know, I really think about when I first discovered rape back in 2020. And that was when I was going through a lot of situationships at the moment. So I was dating a lot of people and I was really feeling Honestly, a low self esteem about it because I would get into these situationships or meeting people in the daily world. And I would be like clinging on to any sense of validation from them. And I thought, wait a second. And this was even in my mid to late twenties, I thought that I had already done this work. I thought, you know, I entered my more spiritual journey in 2016. I had a bit more of my awakening. Then I discovered yoga and meditation. I traveled the world and I went on this whole journey. But then I entered into actually dating and getting to know people in a vulnerable way and I was like, whoa I met myself in this whole new way of realizing that I was really attached to Yeah, people's validation, their attention on me and a lot of projection onto. And so like really giving away my power and wanting and expecting certain outcomes, trying to control things a little bit. And ultimately that led me to feel even deeper heartbreak. So that's when I first found Reiki and I went on a process of getting certified as a Reiki master and shout out to Julia, who you've had on the podcast, because I felt really drawn to my Reiki masters, who were women in their young thirties who really talked about Reiki as this tool for self love and to connect with like source energy, the universe, and to really have a sense of trust and surrender and deep self compassion. And so I went on that journey and then entered a new relationship actually quickly after that, because I think Reiki just helps you tap into your magnetic frequency and your power a lot more. So I just naturally, without looking, met a guy who, and this is an important part of the story because it was kind of what we would say is a meet cute. Right. He was my barista at a local cafe and we had this like back and forth quotation, and then eventually he actually asked me out and then we entered a relationship, but that was the most painful and hardest and most toxic relationship of my life. And I realized. I had a lot more work to do through the end of that and wanted to walk away because I felt a lot of anxieties come up. He was incredibly avoidant and I thought, oh, I felt like I was going through that dating process with him with deeper self love because I had found Reiki and I was doing my practices and I wasn't attached to the outcome. But then we actually then enter the relationship and all of these things were starting to surface, which just also tells me that our healing is not linear or there's no final destination. And when things come up in life, we're always having to meet that new version of ourselves in a different way and learn and integrate new tools. But I think it was this relationship. It was one of the deepest and most profound because it was somebody who I thought I wanted to marry. And I think that's what helped me attach for the longest time was, Oh, I finally found quote unquote the one. And in that I held onto this idea of what our future looked like together and everything. And so through that, there ended up being a lot more pain and suffering. I spent most nights in that relationship, crying myself to sleep and acting like everything was okay. And around the time that that started happening and I eventually grew the courage to walk away from that after many months of holding on to, okay, should I, but I'm so scared. People are saying dating so hard, I don't want to get back out there. And I was getting certified as a coach around the same time. So I think it was just through those lessons that I realized And it was not like the breakup happened, not really in a moment that I planned. This is actually a funny story. I was getting brunch with a friend on this day and I hadn't heard from my ex, which was kind of common practice and points to some glaring red flags for a while. And I am walking to a neighboring coffee shop, a different one, and I walk in and there he is. And I hadn't heard from him. I didn't even know he was there because it was just a last minute decision that I made to go get coffee from this one place. And there he is sitting with his laptop at the bench. And I kind of had this like chill sensation in my body. I was like, Whoa. And I had just been talking with my friend about the struggles I was going through with him. And so we ran into each other. Uh, things felt kind of tense and off. So then we took a walk and it was in that moment that We had another conversation, which were like many before, about how I wasn't feeling respected or heard or prioritized. How I was trying to meet him with compassion because I own responsibility too. And that like my anxiety kept me there longer and also fed into that energy. But ultimately, like I, I knew what was happening. I wasn't being valued in that relationship. And so I finally asked him, like, I just want to be a priority, which again, second red flag here, you should never ask to be a priority and somebody that's the right person for you, but you still need to speak up for your needs. Right? Because sometimes if people are doing things in a certain pattern, they don't know that. And so he kind of actually said the one thing that maybe I think my heart needed to hear was, I don't think I can do that. And I had never heard that as an actual flat honest statement from him. And I'd always been through his actions. But once I heard that, I took a moment and I can picture myself right in that timeframe. I imagined my future Lydia and my little Lydia. So like my inner child. And I thought, Oh my gosh, like, For her, I cannot stay in this any second longer. And I went to the water, took a beat and turned around to him and said, okay, I wish you all the best take care and walked away. And that was one of the hardest, most bravest acts I've ever done was to, because I was so scared and so angry and I cannot believe I'm so proud of myself that I handled that with that grace. Cause like, I think I was, again, looking at my future. Lydia thinking like, Oh, she wouldn't want me to like put up a fight anymore or like try to defend myself because that's like that sense of proving, right? That was my past version of me. And oh my gosh, Tatiana, then I thought that was hard. I went on this whole post heartbreak healing journey, apply for real all of the practices I learned in coaching and Reiki. Went out there, did things outside of my comfort zone. Seeked community, invested in support, because I just decided I'm going to really devote to this healing journey more than ever before. I'm not going to skimp anything. I want to walk through this like a portal. And so I did that, and then it dawned on me after a few months, like, oh, this is exactly who I want to help. People like me who were stuck in this place, who were so scared to walk away, scared of what was coming next. and want them to see that there's so much potential for you on the other side. This past year, since one of the hardest years of my life, the year after my breakup has been the best year of my life. And I've still had these life's challenges, but I've stepped even more into my power, my purpose, my confidence, my dating life has drastically changed. And just in general, how I feel about myself and my relationship. So that's kind of a long journey of how I got to where I am today. And since then I've run over 14 heartbreak healing workshops. I've run four dating workshops. I've been featured on TV and national radio, and I'm just so happy and blessed to. Be able to connect with people and make them ultimately feel less alone in this journey. Cause it's such a universal journey. I love this story and thank you so much for sharing. I had chills as you were saying it. And like I felt almost that way you could imagine walking into the coffee shop and I feel like that was such divine intervention in a weird way. And then Just to like be in a situation where you're just like, nope, I'm choosing me. And like, you know, push comes to shove. I'm a choosing me is so powerful. And it made me like emotional for a second. Cause it's just like, it can be so crazy how sometimes we'll like be led on this like long path and you know, we teeter back and forth, but it's like when push comes to shove, it's like your higher self is always fucking there for you. And, like, even if it's just a little tiny glimmer, and it's like, that was the moment I almost imagined that showed up for you. It was like, oh, wait, no. It's like this fog clearing. You're like, what the fuck have I been doing? Like Yes, that's exactly the visual. Yeah, it's like a veil was lifted in that moment. Absolutely. So, I'm curious to know, like, it's really cool that you were able to almost, like, through your coaching and through your Reiki, like, guide yourself through a lot of your healing, but I think there are two things here. I think, I'm curious to know your take on the courage to start again, and the courage to be like, you know what, I'm choosing myself now. I'm ready to transform and really what that shift almost looked like because like you said it wasn't easy like you had to go through the trenches you had to walk through the fire, but what can you kind of talk about in terms of starting again and maybe sharing with any listeners who are in a similar position like what that might look like? Yeah, that's such a good question. And honestly, in my heartbreak healing workshop, That's one of the obstacles I highlight that keeps people back from like moving on is the fear of starting over, but honestly, it's a myth is what I'll first say. You're never starting over. I love that period, period, my job. You're continuing on just that refrain. Is like so powerful because the, the idea of starting over again, it feeds into a lot of different phenomenon that happens in our body when we're afraid of change, right? Especially as it pertains to relationships. And I think what happens in the relationship space is. putting something on a pedestal, right? So we have this fear of letting go of this very romantic, meet cute. In my case, we have this fear of letting go of the reaction and validation from family members to say that you're in a relationship. We have this fear of like, letting go of just the romantic and positive aspects that we start to idealize when we're worried moving on. But that's what happens when we fear change. We almost start to catastrophize and make up images of what's going to happen. We like our anxiety, like almost starts to predict and we're incredible movie makers of like these situations and things that haven't happened. And I agree in tapping into that kind of movie making moment where we want to manifest our desires. But when it's like in terms of our fears, it actually pulls us away from the things that are most meant for us. And so Really, it's not starting over. It's just like the time to continue and keep growing and learn from this and like focus more on like seeing this from like perspective that you actually like, you had maybe a 10 years of this relationship that taught you so much and now You'll be ready to not bring that into your future relationship or going through the healing journey, you'll discover new parts of yourself that weren't allowed in that context or that container or that relationship. So, you know, I think it's just about looking at things from a different perspective. Aye. Love that so much because I think change holds people back so often this idea of well This has been how it's always been and I don't know and then playing the what if narrative and it's so interesting because If I really look back to it, I think like going through some early days heartbreak is actually What allowed me to become somebody comfortable with change? Because I think once you make it a muscle that you exercise, it almost becomes something that you crave. Cause I even hear in you, you're like, I haven't had such a good year since forever, whatever it may be. Right? Like, you're like, wow, this is only like, I had to really walk through some shit, but I've never seen it so good. And so I think it's like once. you get a glimpse of that or a taste of that, you're like, Oh, okay. This is really where I see the work coming into play. Yeah, absolutely. And the thing with change is like, life is actually still always changing in front of us. You're just deciding what Your heart is. So is the hard to be in a relationship that's kind of making you feel staying in or unfulfilled or unworthy for another year? Or is the heart choosing to walk away now and imagine yourself in another year someplace better? Every relationship is different. Some are salvageable, but that needs two parties, two people who are equally invested. Because in my case, I was the only one invested, right? And that was apparent with what he said. So that was not salvageable. So if two people are on the same page and they're willing to try, I'm not saying it's always the right thing to walk away, but listen, this is about really trusting and listening to that higher version of yourself and imagining yourself in a year. Based on the information you already know, not the information you're making up in your head or what you think is coming. What is happening right now? And based off of what is happening, if things were to stay like that for another year, how would you feel because you can't guarantee that anybody else will make a change. Only you can do that. And this is actually the question. One of my girlfriends, she broke up with her boyfriend. I think they were together almost 10 years and she was having conversations with me about this too. And this is a question I asked her because she was feeling stuck in this relationship for the past couple years, that it just was not moving her forward in any way. Not that he was doing anything awful. It just wasn't really this fit for a number of reasons. And I said, well, if things were not to change and you imagine yourself in this place in a year, how would that make you feel? And she was like, whoa, because it's just been so comfortable and like normal for her to be in this relationship with this man. They've lived like 10 years. in each other's lives, but then she realized, Oh my gosh, that makes me feel even more stuck and resistant. And that was her answer, right? So think about yourself in a year from now, if things weren't to change like this, how would you feel? That's such a powerful question. I love that. I'm curious to also know. So, all right, we're talking about like walking through the fire, right? Like let's say you've made a decision or you're someone who's going through heartbreak. I am eager to get an understanding of what are some like Healthy ways that we can actually begin to cope with this and maybe not like Spiritually bypass because I can tell you a quick story One of my first heartbreaks. I feel like my attachment style just totally played out I mean, this is when I was in my like avoidant attachment Era, if you will, pre, pre kind of discovering the attachment styles and doing the work around it. But I remember I had a boyfriend break up with me because he was cheating on me with a friend and I just said, okay. And I just cut connection and avoided it. Never had follow up conversations. And moved on, but I would say that was not a healthy coping mechanism because I think I didn't let myself grieve the way I would currently in my more like earned secure attachment. And so how can we kind of begin to navigate things like heartbreak in a way that is going to serve us, right, and not sever us from our connection to ourselves, to our bodies, to our emotions, etc. Definitely. I see this a lot too, right, and it's, usually it's the reason why most people are actually still heartbroken years and years later. Because they haven't fully addressed the feelings that they were really feeling it. So there's like a lingering attachment to that heartbreak or that person. And so, really feel to heal is my number one step for moving on from heartbreak. Feel to heal. So, for some people they're like, oh my god, I don't even know how to feel. Well first you need to feel like you're in a safe space. Right. So whether that's in your own apartment, whether that can be with a friend that you really trust, whether that's seeking out community support, a therapist, a coach, this is why I run my workshops. And like people really start to feel in those workshops. I offer like free 30 minute sessions with people to like understand and get a taste of coaching. And then sometimes people come to those and they're like, wow, I didn't even expect to cry. And I'm like, Right. And so sometimes people just need that safe space with somebody who's really tuned in and, and listening and asking the questions that evoke those feelings. But if you have a quiet, safe space, you know, put away all distractions, all technology, and first check in with yourself, take a deep breath, like regulate the nervous system. So don't be feeling always just like from a busy day, come into your body. and just notice and pick up on what's happening and not judging it, right? So if you could ascribe how you're feeling to a shape or a color or a word, cause everybody kind of feels in different ways. I really feel a feeling in my body and I can pinpoint where that is. So maybe I feel like just like a tightness in my chest already. That's like telling me, Oh, I feel a sense of like, rejection wounds in my heart or I feel like a sense of heartbreak and it's just picking up on those subtle cues but doing that in more stillness and quietness and then journal on it like write down what you're feeling and where and then that gives the evidence to yourself actually no I can pinpoint what I'm feeling and where it is and then ask yourself the next question how are you distracting yourself from feeling and so that's such a common thing we want to sometimes jump into the next relationship or dating again or Like doing this like shiny new object kind of syndrome thing, right? And like, that's fun. We need a little bit of that energy. But sometimes I see this like rush to blow up after a breakup instead of just like being messy, like just letting yourself. Yes. Fry your eyes out. And I think people are like, Oh, I'm sick of crying. And I get it's tiring. It's exhausting. But your nervous system, your body just needs to let it go. If you need to shout, shout into, I did this all the time when I was going through my breakup, cause I was angry for a huge chunk of time. That's why I say anger. And that's the first time I really let myself go. Feel it. I wrote an angry letter to my ex. Did not send it. Do not recommend doing that. But I imagined, you know, what it would feel like to read it out to him. And I did that only in my own space, in my own energy. I screamed. I did breathwork. I screamed into my pillow with anger. And I let it all go. And then I felt so good. Right. And so I asked the audience that how can you better feel your feelings? So those are some of the tools, really journaling, drawing, writing letters, yelling into a pillow, talking it out, dancing. Right. So I told Tatiana before this, we got on that I'm doing training to lead somatic dance healing because dance has been a huge part of my journey. So what songs are there that maybe bring up some fire in you or what songs bring up the water element so that you can actually just express how you're feeling through your body. You don't even have to say anything and let play a song that's like a fiery song and just telling yourself, okay, I'm just going to move to move anger. I'm going to move and express how I'm feeling in this moment. In my body to the sun and then if you want to tap into like the more emotional watery things like sadness and grief I can actually attach a link to a playlist for the audience to help out with this because like it really is like Tapped into the elements for me, right? So like water helps you with the teary emotions fiery songs help you with anger Air is then like helping to like release it into like the universe And so yeah, I think like those are just some tools and ways that people can really not bypass it and just be like, okay Yeah, i'm glowed up. I moved on You can do it too. Yes. I'm so happy that you mentioned that because I feel like, especially with like the ever presence of like everybody sharing so much on the internet, there is such an emphasis to always like be in your summer and your hot girl era and your glow up. And I think, I don't know how much permission we give ourselves to really. Be that messy self. I mean when you were saying that you were angry for such a long time I remember when I went through a really profound friendship breakup That there was a time that I've like never been someone who cried so much and I think it was like for a good year I was like I am so watery and I wasn't mad about it but it was so like my system had to release that and I just had to trust it and it's so interesting because I remember like Having reflected back on that year and later years, being like, Oh my gosh, I forgot how watery that was and I forgot how emotional because I found more of my balance. I found My next level self that has moved through that. And it's so interesting to look back on that and almost honor it. Right. And be like, Oh, that was such an important shedding period. And let's not rush that. Let's not like run to the next numbing or soothing thing and force something that isn't. ready. Yeah, definitely. I know there's hyper emphasis for sure on like soothing and all that and that's important in those processes. But then yeah, we lose the the sauce of being in the mess. As long as you have a safe space and you're not putting that on other people who aren't ready for it. Then I think that's the key, right? Is like just picking up and like sometimes asking people if they have the capacity, if you want to like dive into community or a friendship to have you help with that. But this is your permission slip, everybody. Give yourself permission to feel the feels. I love it. Lydia, did you ever watch that show Shrinking on Apple TV? No, I haven't. Oh my gosh, you need to watch it. It's such a feel good show. It's like this group of psychologists. It's very, very adorable. It's the comedy. And one of the actors, I can't quite remember the storyline, but one of their methods for handling emotions was that they sometimes just let themselves do, like, a quick 15 minute, like, power rage or, like, power cry. And I loved that because I was like, you know what? Even if you're like, I have no time in the day to just like get, I don't know, my emotions out, right? Like we'd love to keep ourselves really busy. I loved this idea of, okay. Well, if you really feel like you don't have time and space, which we all do. I loved the idea of like, even just allocating like a quick boundaried way to feel your emotions. Cause I think that's another really interesting thing. I'd love to pick your brain on, because I think a lot of people are like, Oh my God. Well. They might not even consciously be thinking this, but maybe it's more of a subconscious thing. Well, what if I feel my feelings? What if I open the floodgates? And like, what if it never stops? And so, this reminds me of even for myself, recognizing like, I actually can put boundaries up around even my own emotional experiences and outlets too. So I'm curious to get Your take on this, especially as someone who does Reiki and body work. Oh, yeah, that's such a good point, putting boundaries on feeling your own feelings, like, and boundaries with love, right? Like, again, it's not like a wall to be like, okay, stop it. Like, this is ridiculous. Are you like, silly? It's just like, okay, we felt the emotions and now we need to, you know, move through the day. And that's okay, too. Like, it's not to, like, be this productivity machine, but we are, like, human beings trying our best, like, trying to do things in the world. So, sometimes you do need to put up those boundaries, but it doesn't need to be this, like, scary thing. I think, like, I've actually Now that you mentioned it, I've done this maybe not as intentionally, but maybe it has been subconsciously because I too have sometimes been in that mindset of, Oh, I don't have time. Right. Or this feels like it takes so much time, but again, we always have time. And like, when you defer timing, there's a part of you that usually wants to like prevent yourself from feeling or wants to keep you safer. And this is where like procrastination comes into, right? Like there's all these layers to. deferring timing or hesitating on something just to feel comfortable because feeling feelings is uncomfortable, right? Worrying about the floodgates opening up, that tells me that you don't trust yourself because then if you worry about the floodgates opening up, there feels like then there's this like lack of control onto yourself and your emotions. But that's a bit of like a deeper subconscious belief and so first it's entering into a space or time frame where you say, okay I'm gonna let myself feel what it is I need to feel Use that I have whatever tool ready for you And if you need to set a timer do that and create like a bodily motion that reminds yourself to tap out Right. And I, it could be just tapping your collarbone. That's like the kind of self soothing thing that like I teach my clients is like, if you're feeling like kind of triggered or anything, just start tapping on your collarbone like this. And so maybe you decide, and you do that before in a relaxed state at another time. So it teaches you to like, feel relaxed. And then at the timer, when like your phone timer goes off, you do that tapping and you bring yourself back. I love that. That's such a great tool. And in lieu of kind of doing a lot of this. Maybe like more feeling your feelings work. What are maybe some identifying things that show kind of you're progressing in your healing journey? Like what are some tell tale signs? They probably look different for everybody, but I'm curious if you've found anything, no, my gosh, this is such a good question. I definitely have telltale signs. So the cafe that I met my ex in is around the corner from where I live. And it still is there. So I'm reminded of him in some capacity almost every day when I just walk out my front door, which is in a neighborhood that I love so much and so near and dear to my heart here in Vancouver. And so that's why I was also really intentional about healing. And like working on myself because I didn't want the outside world to scare me. I didn't want things to have more power over me than I have over myself. And that being said, it wasn't this like perfection, like snap of fingers. Like, I'll be honest, the first couple of months after my breakup, every time I walked by that coffee shop, I would cry. I would feel sad. I would remember our meet cute. And again, I just like, I allow myself to even cry in public if I'm reminded of something. Like I know sometimes we shy away from it. I actually had a really profound moment. This was maybe like six months ago and I was on the bus heading back to my apartment and there wasn't that many people in the bus but there was a girl sitting there and she was like on the verge of crying. I could feel it like energetically. And I just like looked at her in the eyes that I sat next to her and said, like, are you okay? Do you just need me to be here? And she just like, kind of smiled at me, like nodded her head. And so that was really profound. So that just reminded me of like, I actually noticed people feeling emotions a lot in public, but we have this fear. But I think, you know, you can do it in those like small ways and maybe be surprised that somebody will reach out a helping hand. But I think that the progression moment I noticed is, of course, when I could walk by and go in the coffee shop and feel at peace. That was like when I started to feel more peace. been sad. Sometimes they happen at the same time and I think we don't talk about that a lot either. There's like kind of like those like apathetic feelings and sadness along with the joy and peace and acceptance. But I felt the scales waving more towards peace and happiness. And what I was trying to do actually is like replace the memory of meeting him there with new memories. So like, I just became baristas because he wasn't working there anymore. So I wasn't worried about running into him or anything. But I was making new memories with the baristas, like laughing and really engaging with them so that my psyche knew, Oh, like it's, it's safe to be here because there's these people here. And that's the, really the heart of progression is when you can go back to places or people that have an association to that trigger and you just feel a little bit more peace. You feel a little less heavy. And over time that feeling just gets stronger and stronger. And I think that's the biggest. Sign, but if you don't have those places, it's just when you think about them. If you over time start to cry a little less or feel a little less anger or weight in your heart, then that shows me that You're progressing. If you're still kind of have this lingering feeling of hoping they'll come back, then you know that you still have some work to do, right? Because there's like a sense of acceptance and detachment from that sense of hope that really helps you release those last minute kind of energetic cords still holding you on. And so as soon as like I released those and felt, yeah, I actually, I don't care if I never hear from him again, I will be okay. That to me is like the ultimate freedom. Oh my gosh, when you get there, baby, it is like, no, that's like, word dousement, honestly, like the feeling of not even, and I'd say that with love, like I wish the best for him, but I'm truly okay if I, I never hear from him again. Yes, one hundred percent and I actually love that you say you say it with love too because when it comes out of that space You're like, no, I genuinely mean it. I wish you well I hope you're doing as best as you can you know what I mean and Being like I am unattached and that is like the coolest thing to witness Yourself go through, you know, it is so cool. Yeah, that's why I love this journey and it keeps me Like so open to love because that's actually the heartbreak in the heartbreak if i'm being honest with you Tatiana is like people Being so scared to love again or to risk Putting skin in the game again, which yes, we're gonna have to do a little bit. There's no 100 guarantee We can still have all of our tools and practices and trust our intuition and be more discerning You But we can't control the things that happen outside of us 100%, and so that's where you have to have that self trust and deep love with yourself to know that you've got you. That's so amazing that you brought that up. I think it's key. What would your advice be to somebody who is maybe a little afraid, but feeling ready, but is feeling the fear of, Wow. I am petrified to go back into another situation again. And yeah, this, this puts some walls up. Yeah. I think the first thing that I would emphasize is what is it you want now? tap into that place of desire and pleasure and like making sure that okay if you want to get back out there and you want a relationship get very clear around what you want that to feel like how you want to show up in that how you want the other person to show up what do you do on a day to day what just feels good in your body right like get juiced up about it And write that all down and put your body in that state of pleasure with it. Because while we want to run away from fear and pain, we want to run towards pleasure. And so while our fear of rejection may be strong, so is our desire for love and connection and relationship. So I just want people to remember the power of their desire. Of course, a lot of deeper subconscious work that I take times with one to one to really Like empower a new set of transforming beliefs that helps them to do this, but for today I just want the audience to think about okay. What are the main things that you want to feel in a relationship? How can you feel that right now in your current state of being so if you want to feel desire in a relationship? Because you didn't feel that in the past and you're worried about having somebody that no longer like that doesn't cherish you or desire you Then write that down. Be unapologetic. I am wanting to look for somebody that I feel desire and playfulness with. And how can you invite that feeling into your life? How can you bring that energy and give yourself the deepest desire you've ever had, baby. Like bring that forward. And then you get excited about that. Like I can feel that in my body right now. And that keeps you motivated. And it's, I kind of apply it to in like business. Because in business and entrepreneurship, you're going to go through so many different chapters, lulls. In the job search, we can look at this too, right? Sometimes you get laid off. Sometimes you struggle with career transition. But if you step into your purpose and passion, then it's so much easier to move and fletch the muscles of tenacity through those journeys. That's a great point. And It kind of reminds me of this idea of even though we might be fearful of something, it's like holding that and being like, don't I want to move forward more? Like I think of it like it's the percentages. Okay. Maybe I'm like 30 percent fearful, but the rest, I'm like, I really want to go for this and I really want to fulfill this for myself. I love how you kind of bring the self into this. And I'm curious to ask you about maybe how you can give listeners an idea of how we can distill this down even more, because I think sometimes people are like, I want more romance in my life. Like, not even related to heartbreak or anything, but they'll be like, you know, I get written in about this a lot. Like, I want more romance in my life. How do I spice things up? How do I bring it romantic? And I'm like, well, let's actually maybe define what romance means for you because it looks so different for everybody else. So I'm curious, like, what are ways that we can kind of take some of these bigger things that maybe we're wanting in our next relationship and actually, like, Whittle them down to Be authentic to us. Again, that idea of like, let's eliminate the outside noise, the glow up idea of what other people are doing, and actually get to the root of what we really desire. Oh my gosh. I love that so much Tatiana. Yes. How can we get to the root of that? I love this question. I'm always like number one, romanticizing my life in a way that feels good for me. Right. And I kind of coined this expression. I'm always flirting with life. So I feel like life and me are in this relationship and life is just like playing along with me. It's there for the ride. It's bringing me opportunities. It's. bringing me amazing people and amazing experiences and memories. And I kind of like, look at how can we bring more romance? So one example, I feel very romantic when I'm traveling. Like when I'm traveling to new countries, new places, there's a state of romance because there's an unknowing because there's a mystery, right? Usually like in general, like romantic concepts have some mystery, have some curiosity, have a little bit of tension in the unknown. And so I feel that whenever I'm traveling and I go to a new country, so I think, okay, how can, if I'm not traveling, how can I bring that mindset here in my day to day life in Vancouver? I can walk outside my door and walk a different route. Sometimes for me, that's romanticizing life. It's like, oh, I've always walked this way to my dance class. I'm going to walk down this street instead. And just be curious about it. I romanticize my life by smiling at people who I walk by. Right. And then that just fills me up and I get their smiles back. So I think like we're often looking to the external for that romantic kind of feeling, but it starts with us. It starts with us choosing to be romantic and like doing these like little micro actions. Like for me, it's smiling at people and I feel so blessed and happy and like everything is working in my favor. You could do like the more typical practices to like waking up in as you get out of bed putting on a morning affirmations video and making your coffee as you listen to that. Right? Or when you make your coffee, be a little witchy around it, like speak your intentions for the day into your coffee. That's a way that I'm romantic. It's almost as if like I'm in a relationship with my food and drinks, right? And so we give that to lovers and friendships, a love language is words of affirmation. So maybe you can give words of affirmation to the objects in your life. So think about the love languages in that way. And how can you apply that to just like your day to day routine? That's another just different way to think about romance. It's like tapping into, okay, how do I feel loved? How can I give out that love to my actions in my day? I adore, adore. Yeah. I, I actually like one of the things that I started doing for myself here at Bedside, we call them pleasure practices. I see this like very kind of like intertwined with what you're talking about, but like one of the things that I started doing for myself to of my life, even though I'm in like a committed relationship. I'm still like, I still want to romanticize my life for myself. Still. It doesn't, doesn't change whether you're in a relationship or not. And so one of the things I do is I buy myself flowers every single week. And it is just such a fun, romantic part of my week and part of like my grocery shop. And. Sure, it would be fun if my partner did that for me, I suppose, but for me, there's so much joy in it that I'm doing it for myself. Like I get to go to the store and be like, what are the colors that are speaking to me? What are the shapes and whatever, you know, blooms are in season. And then I get to come home and arrange these arrangements, right. Versus like, Like I said, sure, someone gifting them to me would be nice, but I actually find even more joy and pleasure and satisfaction in that process being something for myself. So, I love this, and I love your tips here on how we can kind of like, begin to maybe reorient and think about how we can gift these things to us. Oh my gosh, I love your example of the grocery store, because that's what I do. This is just like, I like go into the grocery store and sometimes I go without my list of things I need. Like, I'm just like, get out of your brain, Lydia, and go into the grocery store and just feel like, just feel, what do you feel called to buy? What do you feel called to drink? What do you feel called to cook? Like let go of the list. And you can just like, that's such a metaphor for dating sometimes it's just like, let go of your list. Just like feel, let yourself recede. And I romanticize like, yeah, my grocery store runs all the time. Like sometimes I leave my phone in my apartment. I go and I'm like, okay, like I'm just going to go to the grocery store and it's going to be so cute. And I just feel it into it and I'm just going to feel what like I feel drawn to and pick it out. That's it. It's just a fun little journey that I'm going on, right? Like it's just the littlest things, but we get like so into the doing and the moving through our day. And I understand a lot of people are in survival mode, but it's, it can be just a simple switch on. To just help you experience like just a little bit more pleasure, like don't you want that? Like who doesn't want to have a little bit more pleasure even in survival mode? Even if you're like working so hard and you have a busy family, like there's simple ways that you can integrate and bring it. You just have to believe you're worthy of it. Oh my gosh, yes. This is like feeding my soul right now. I'm also totally cracking up because me in the grocery store the other day, I was like, I came home and my partner's like, what took so long? And I was like, I just had a blast in front of the vegetable, like aisle. And I was like, touching everything. And I was like, Oh, what's this? And I'm like, adding all these things to my cart that I normally don't get. And It just reminded me I was just lost in the pleasure of it. You know what I mean? Oh, I love it. But no, it's, it's such a great point that you bring up that, you know, regardless of where you're at in your pleasure journey, that we are all deserving and worthy of even micro moments. And there's beauty in those micro moments. It doesn't have to be a whole day dedicated to whatever, spending a bunch of money, dah, dah, dah. Like it can be the little, little things that always are so deeply impactful. So I just love this conversation. You are so much fun to chat with. My last question for you, we ask everybody who comes on the show, this question, but what is currently on your bedside table? On my bedside table currently is my vibrator. So bringing in a little bit of that and a huge pile of books. Honestly, I have like some fiction, some non fiction. Yeah. So always trying to read a little bit before I go to bed. I love that. Amazing. Well, thank you so much for joining us today. For anybody listening who's really eager to connect with you, where can they find you online? Where can they find you? You know, work with you one on one or in group. I know you had mentioned that you do some workshops. So, so share all of the places we can connect. Absolutely. Yeah. So people want to find me, you can follow me on Instagram at heal with Lydia H E A L W I T H L Y D I A. You can also email me heal with Lydia at gmail. com. If you want to learn more about my different offerings, I have. two different one to one program. So I have the breakup blueprint, which is for people who are going more through like heartbreak or breakup. And then I have the romance reset when you're like ready to start that new era in dating and go from like anxious to magnetic AF, which I want for everybody. And then, yeah, you can just follow along on my Instagram to learn more about different upcoming workshops. I mostly do them in person. So if you're in Vancouver, you Please reach out or follow my stories. I'm always sharing them there. And then I also have an email newsletter. So you all do the link to Tatiana and when you download or subscribe to my newsletter, you'll get one of my free videos for EFT tapping to move on through heart rate. So that's a modality I use with my clients and there's a free five minute video for you on the other side of subscribing. Amazing. Well, thank you so much for joining us, Lydia. And yeah, I'll link everything in the show notes for everyone to go stalk and follow, subscribe, all the fun things. But anyways, thank you everybody for tuning in this week to our episode. And if you loved this, please be sure to share it with a friend, to post it to your stories, to subscribe, leave a rating. It always helps us get this show our guests. And all of the amazing topics that we're talking about here out there in the world. So thank you again for tuning in and we'll catch you next week. Bye everybody Thank you for listening to the Bedside podcast. I hope you love this episode as much as we did making it. If you have any feedback, questions, or suggestions for future episodes, or if you just wanna chat, don't hesitate to reach out to us at the bedside on Instagram and the bedside.co online. You can also find us at by the bedside on TikTok to stay updated on our latest. episodes, be sure to subscribe to our podcast on your preferred platform. And if you found this episode valuable, I would so greatly appreciate if you could leave us a rating, a review, text it to a friend, share it to your Instagram stories, let's get this message out there loud and clear until next time. Thank you so much for tuning in and I'll see you next week.