Should I stay or should I go?! On today's episode we are BACK with guest Ashleigh Renard as dives deeps into her journey of leaving her marriage and the importance of building clarity in relationships. Ashleigh shares her experience of feeling disconnected and frustrated in her marriage and how she realized she was settling. She gives so much advice on how to own your narrative, do hard things, trust your gut, and ultimately manifest your best life.
On this episode we explore:
📥 Download Monthly Archetype Template
💌 Subscribe to the Sealed List Newsletter
💘 Let's be internet friends!!
Connect with Ashleigh:
Be sure to rate, review, and share this episode with a friend! LOVE YOU!
Should I stay or should I go?! On today's episode we are BACK with guest Ashleigh Renard as dives deeps into her journey of leaving her marriage and the importance of building clarity in relationships. Ashleigh shares her experience of feeling disconnected and frustrated in her marriage and how she realized she was settling. She gives so much advice on how to own your narrative, do hard things, trust your gut, and ultimately manifest your best life.
On this episode we explore:
📥 Download Monthly Archetype Template
💌 Subscribe to the Sealed List Newsletter
💘 Let's be internet friends!!
Connect with Ashleigh:
Be sure to rate, review, and share this episode with a friend! LOVE YOU!
This is Bedside, a podcast series on a mission to debunk sex. I'm your host, Tatiana, and each week we uncover stories, ideas, and expert information to help guide you on your ever evolving journey of deep love, relationships, and good sex. Oh, and a little bit of manifestation sprinkled in there, too. What's up, everybody? Welcome back to the Bedside Podcast. I'm your host Tatiana at The Bedside on all socials. I'm so excited to have you here today. Welcome! Happy Wednesday. I'm also excited because I have got one of my favorite guests back on the show today, Ashleigh Renard, who I just, I'm gonna like put a little pin in this. The first episode we recorded together was about a year and a half ago, how to keep monogamy hot. And I am linking it in the show notes. And I mean it when I say you need to add this to your queue. It was Such a fun episode and truly chock full of so many tips and we really like laughed our entire way through the episode and I knew I had to have her back on and I knew exactly what I had to have her back on because she actually truly In this episode is talking and sharing her journey of how she actually decided to leave her relationship, her journey of disconnection of frustration and eventual divorce from her husband. And I think this is such an important conversation because we're really talking all about when you should know whether you should stay or go in a relationship. And on our episode today, Ashleigh breaks down for us what exact moment it was for her when she had the realization of Leaving her marriage, what it really meant for her, what it was that she realized she was settling on, and we really get into the importance of building clarity in our relationships and knowing when we should be trusting our guts. When we've kind of done all of the stops that we think we could pull to salvage, maybe a relationship that we've been working on for a while. And I really loved her transparency and all of this because I know that this is such a real thing that so many people go through, whether it's divorce, whether it's leaving. A long term relationship, whether it is having any sort of like friendship breakup, it is all applicable. These kind of knowings that we have within us of when we're settling, when we deserve better for ourselves and what that can look like. So she gives a lot of tips around really how we can go about doing this for ourselves. She's also a girl of the bedside community, a. k. a. loves all things manifestation and spirituality, so we get super deep into the dynamics of masculine and feminine energetics. Really taking responsibility for one's own state of satisfaction. And we also get into the concept of jumping timelines, which is a lot of what Ashleigh's work today is all about. We chat about really how you can align yourself to your divine timelines, to your desired outcomes. We get into stories of manifestations. So this is a really, really fun one. I'm so excited to have Ashleigh back on the show. We'll So, without further ado, please welcome Ashleigh Renard back to the Bedside Podcast. So the last time we were speaking, I was right at the end of my marriage, like hanging on by a thread. Swing had done so well and then Keeping It Hot, the brand, my audience, it like was just growing. I was offered my own reality show, like a marriage fixer upper reality show. I just hosted this Keeping It Hot couples retreat in Banff, Alberta at the Fairmount Hotel. It was so beautiful. And as things were going better in my career, my marriage just was like, like slipping out of my hands. I was like, what? No, no, no. Like we can have one conversation a day where we feel connected. Right. And I was getting up earlier and meditating and having some good time with my kids, driving them to school. And I would meet my husband in the kitchen, disconnection, missed signals. I was like, Yeah. We could not get on the same page with anything and that was around the last time we spoke and so if listeners go back and listen, there's some frustration, some exasperation in my voice that you can pick up on. I know, yeah. So for anybody new here or who hasn't listened to our first episode together with Ashleigh Renard, We did an episode together all about how to keep monogamy hot, which is based off of her book Swing and all of really like her amazing learnings and findings. And it was wild because basically, yeah, since we last recorded, you have left that marriage, that relationship. So honestly, you were saying like you felt it slipping through your fingers. Can you kind of explain this a little bit more detail? Because also another thing I heard, Ashleigh, which I think is really interesting to talk about is you're like, I'm doing all the right things. I'm meditating. I'm taking care of myself. I'm getting up early in the morning. I am a fucking good mom. I'm hanging out with my kids, right? Like, what am I, what else? You know, the balls are in the air. My ducks are in a row. Let's mix all the metaphors. Okay. My ducks are in a row. You know, my stars are aligned, I'm working the work, I'm trusting the process, right? Okay, so here is the thing that we all know and that we all forget when it applies to us the most strongly. As we continue on our path of integrity and self awareness and knowledge and healing and just being our true self. Um, learning, whatever it is that we call it, they're going to be parts of our old life and parts of our old identity and even relationships that are going to fall away. One thing that I've practiced now for about eight years, because this is what got me through the story that became swing. This is what got me through creating my business in synchronized skating. It was what got me through the transition into publishing and then. Publishing a book successfully and all of like those things, right? Creating a business in a whole new industry was getting really clear on what my preferences are in a situation. Okay. So when I'm in a situation and we have contrast, we have some series of events with our five senses. We can, we can see, hear, smell things that are going on. And when I am not in bliss, I ask myself. What would I do to make this better? Turn down that music. I would have a better smell here. I would, I would, right? Just what would I like better? And I, I love this thought exercise because I have a working breed brain and because like everyone else who grew up human, we have thought patterns. I have thought patterns that are like down a little rabbit hole of negativity or judgment and we're all right. It's like. Our brain can really squabble our ego, you know, our like, you know, little, our monkey mind or like, you know, itty bitty shitty committee, whatever we want to call it. The immature parts of ourself that we want to be sometimes. Like I, I, this is for myself and for clients. I don't say like to be in alignment and to be spiritual and to be an integrity is to be perfect. It's like, no, no, You know what you want to know how much anxiety you're just always gonna create cuz you like a little drama So it's like you know, no, let's be let's be honest with ourselves, right? I like the last minute's my best minute. So with work projects. Oh, I'm not promising it a week in advance Fuck that. Like, my inspiration hasn't even shown up to, like, the team meeting yet, right? Just to be honest about who we are and what we really want. And that's what the preferences idea does because ego will often go, er, er, er, er, not that, not that, I don't know. And it's like, well, then what? That's what I ask myself. Then what? So I had been doing this for a long while and getting clearer on my preferences in my head. I'm And clearer on my preferences and integrity and business and alignment and doing the work that felt good in the world. And as I was on that path, it was harder for me to talk to my husband. It was harder for me to have shared excitement with my husband of 21 years. Like, we were married 18, together 21. It was harder to feel understood. It was harder for me to say anything to him and then have him, like, hatch on where I was in the conversation. For It was really clear that there were some things that I thought he understood about my business or my writing or why I do the things I do that I would say, well, you know, X Y Z, right? Like, you know, like I have blonde hair and he would go like, wait a minute. What? Wait, wait, wait. What's that part about your business? And I was like, Oh, okay. So the thing that I do for three hours a day and I've employed someone else to do because like, this is a crucial part of my bit, like, he's like, you do what? And Tatiana, I started to just have these like, kind of glitches in the matrix moment where I thought, wait, wait, the partnership that I want and the partnership that I imagine that we have. And I work towards is really so far off from like how dialed in you are or how like on the same page and team you are. At the same time, we have three kids and our old SV3 boys. Right now, they're 16, 14, 10. This went down when our oldest was entering high school. Okay, so the fall that he's 14, he's entering high school, 14 and a half, and he's taller than me. And all of a sudden, my husband at the time shifts in the way he talks when we're all there. And I can feel the teenager. You know, the child with the hair all in his balls now has surpassed me on the family totem pole and he's getting respecting consideration and like floor time speaking and things that like I don't get and I had chalked it up in the two decades that I'd been with this man to like just a weird part of his personality like he ignores me sometimes and it's like oh you know what you know what I need for him not to ignore me I need a penis So, a lot of things that I had chalked up to just his personality were really internalized misogyny. So, there were times in those last couple months of our marriage that I would say to him, Okay, wait a minute. We're gonna have a conversation and I want you just to pretend that I'm a male stranger. And I want you to listen to me and hear my ideas as if I was a male stranger. Bringing an idea to you. That's what I had to do because as a woman living in the same house with him, his conditioning growing up in a Greek Orthodox household, even though he'd had a progressive partner, even though he himself is a feminist type man, he's a progressive man. He could not treat me as fully human and see me as fully human if I was a woman living in his house. So now, we have been separated for a year, and I gotta tell you, our friendship is better. He is, like, more, like, on alert, because I'm so lucky. We are nice people to each other. We've always wanted to be good friends to each other at every point in our relationship. So now that we've been able to co parent, we really say that we are a two household family. We are on the same page with co parenting now better than ever. It's like I got the family that I wanted, Tatiana, but I like had to get divorced. To actually have my, my voice be heard. Totally. Yes. I saw you posted a story about this. And you were like, I was in Santa Monica, and it was raining or snowing. There was that storm. Across the country, February 2023, okay? There was like snow on the Hollywood side. If people like look back to like their Instagram stories and their memories from that time, like, flights were delayed across the country and everything. I was there, and this was at like the height of my career, last few moments of my marriage, but I didn't know it yet. I was there with my ex, and as things were harder, right, like that fall into that winter, like our oldest is in high school, things are really, it was sort of like I lived in barstool sports, and um, I was like, yeah, I don't love this vibe, you know, as a cohabitant of this space. I really wanted to spend more time with my then husband and with my kids. I wanted to spend more time with the five of us because I was like, okay, wait, I feel like just stress. I just want us to be together, like more board game nights, things like that. We went on like some little vacations, things like that, that like, you know, water parks, things that like are fun for us. But I was going to LA for four podcast interviews and studio podcast interviews and I was feeling really anxious about it. I just. I don't know, just feeling more nervous than usual and I wanted my ex to come with me, right? And he's like, I don't know, the kids, the kids, blah. And um, I delayed booking my flight and I was supposed to leave on the Wednesday and it was on Sunday. He said to me, are you going to book your flight or what? And I burst into tears and I said, are you going to come with me? Or in what? And he was like, Oh, this is so exhausting. But this, I wrote about this in swing. I said him growing up in a patriarchal household, he was trained his whole life to ignore the sound of a woman's voice. And so for me to feel heard in that marriage with the internalized, you know, unexamined misogyny, I had to, like, work myself up to, like, having, like, a big, like, making a big scene. Like, I couldn't just say, hey, I've been thinking I really would like to, like, try this with our kid, or, like, what do you think of, like, could you help me out with this approach? Like, anything that would be just, like, subtle or shifting or, like, recalibrating like that, he would just be, like, usually just in one ear or out the other. We don't need to do that. Just, like, Not engaged. I burst into tears. In 15 minutes, we have his parents arranged to stay there for, at our house for a couple days to watch the kids. Our neighbors are so happy to drive our kids to school. Because we help so much with them. Everything is fine. The kids are excited because they get Yiyam Papu, their grandparents, there for the weekend. And, you know, the weekend. She'll bake for them. It's great. We book the flight, we get there. Before every interview, I ask him, okay, okay, feeling kind of nervous, like, will you come with me? Not to be on the interview, Tatiana, you know what I mean? Like, to be in the green room, or like, on the couch across, like, just so, just so people understand, I wasn't asking, you know, non media trade husband to be on, like, on, on camera, or interview with me, right? I just wanted to, like, be in the fucking Uber with me, because, like, we're seeing Santa Monica, but the interviews were all over LA, right? Every single time, he said to me, Nah, I got, I got something to do. I'm just gonna stay in the room. And then every time, I would get into the Uber and I would be like, Holy shit. Motherfucker can not, can not come with me. He can't. Like, can he not be in a room where he's not the star? Like, is this why he spends so much time in his mom's fucking kitchen? Like, what the hell? What is this? And at the same time, he's on the phone. It's this, like, you know, stars aligning, right? And snow falling, hail falling in Santa Monica. It's like, apocalyptic. And I'm like, this is, this is on point. The same time, he's on the phone the whole time with a mortgage broker because we're finally planning to move. Finally. It'd been about two years where I've been saying, listen, I'm not really feeling comfortable in this house anymore. We're on a busy street. My writing and career stuff is getting public in a new way. I would love to like just be tucked away a little bit. Like, please. The busy street has always been a concern and when the kids were little, I was concerned about it, but quickly I realized, wow, the backyard, it's a huge yard. It's over an acre. Like there's lots of space, but it's just the street is busy and you can see our front door from the busy street. Okay. So I said, it's not feeling that comfortable there. I really want to like move towards a new space and let's get our finances in a row. So like qualifying for a mortgage in a couple of years is going to be fine, easy. We have more money than we've had before. This is amazing. Cause I used to run my, I ran my skating company, uh, my skating organization as a nonprofit. And then when I pivoted, I was like, okay, and then now I'm going to be running like a media publishing company. And within two years I got that company to the size that I had my other company after 15 years. Right. So it was like, okay, yes. Fine. Yeah. That was so cool. I was like able to sort of like recreate it energetically. Right. But now the money was coming into our account. So I was like, all right. Amazing. What are we going to do? I was like getting my ex to move. Oh my god, and his Mars is in the third house. This is something that I've realized with astrology over the last few years is it can tell you why someone is a pain in the ass and how they will be a pain in the ass always. So like here, just take with that information, do with that information what you wish. But one day I was like, where is your Mars sign? I was just looking up in the kitchen. I was just like. My kids are, my kids are like, Oh my God, she's blowing up her stroller. Like seething at the mouth. In the third house, first degree, of course you won't move. Like he takes back power by digging his heels in. He's on the phone with the mortgage broker who's telling him, Oh yeah, that advice that your wife has been giving you for two years about your finances was, yes, was valid. And no, sir, you were not qualifying for a mortgage. No, you are not. And I knew this. Tatiana, I knew this was going to happen because I knew, okay, he's finally taking some motivation. Like he's, you know, being married to him was sort of like being on a moving walkway backwards. Okay? But I can move really fast because I have a lot of fire in my constitution, in my personality, right? Like I'm sure you could too, you could be like, we're a little, we're kind of going in the wrong direction. It's a little boring. But I'd be like, I can hang out with you here and then I would go do big things in my career and come back and be like, okay, the big wide world is like so exciting. Like let me tell you about things that we can do out there, right? And I had never really, it was just in those last few weeks, I was like, okay, putting this together. I was like, why do we just not see the world the same way? Like why is getting on the same page so hard for us, like harder than ever? We've been together 20 years and it's harder than ever to get on the same page. Why? Because neither of us was trying to be an enormous dickhead. Neither of us. We were both like looking at each other like, Really? Really? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like once Charlie Brown's mom. One is like, you know, this other characters not speaking English were just like, I can't hear you. I can't hear you either. Right. Like it was just so puzzling. And I knew that he was going to get to that point with a mortgage broker and I already had the plan. Okay. Whenever he does, then I'll just call her. So, okay. It happened on this trip. I'll just call her on Sunday. All right. He's melting down. And at the same time, Tatiana, and so like content warning here for people, brief mention of domestic violence. In this hotel room with a husband who's melting down like a toddler and these podcast interviews that are big and great and amazing and I'm like rallying in the Uber every time and hitting it out of the fucking park. These are some of the best interviews I've ever done. Okay? And I'm feeling more like myself, more like myself. And then I get back to the hotel room and it's like crashing down. I have to like come down into this hotel room. with this man who is melting down about something that's not a surprise in any way. And I get a DM from a woman who says to me, My ex's name is Manny, and I've written about him in my memoir Swing, and I've talked about him on social media. He doesn't like to show his face, but I've talked about us as a couple and a family. And she said, Ashleigh, has Manny ever hit you? And I said, oh, OMG, no. And I said, oh my God, are you okay? Right? Because I was like, wait, I've never given that impression. And then I was like, oh, wait, why would someone be asking that? Okay. Right. So I said, are you okay? And she's like, I am now. And like, oh, okay, even now when I say it, like, the hair on my back stands up because call me fucking naive. I never expected that. Like, my content at times reaches like a million people a day. I get, on average, 80 conversations going in, going on every day in my DMs. 80. Like, different people, like multiple, right? Like, there's a lot of volume here of like, people, Sharing things about their relationship and all, I don't know, Tatiana, I never expected that someone would say to me, Hey, my husband hit me and be in a dangerous situation and tell me like, I just, I didn't expect that. So it threw me for a loop at a time when I like already was like, you know, just like just hanging on, you know, like a little baby starting to walk like toes in the carpet like for balance. And it was like, Oh, so I stayed on text with her trying to stay on text with her till she was safe. And other people were pulled into the situation. And I was at the same time getting a bunch of DMs from men who were like, can I pick your brain about lube, which I give you a look at any of my highlights. Like my first fave is like, I love coconut lube. Right. Like there's lube. I really. And yeah, yeah. My man child husband is melting down on the bed and I am like shaking, you know, like asking this woman if she's okay. And I'm like, I try to be so fair and I try to be so, like, inclusive in my languaging, in my talking to men and women about relationships. And the truth is, on a lot of levels, we don't have the same problems. Men and women still don't have the same problems. So there I am with this man who's like. Oh, dumb thing I did resulted in bad outcome. And I'm like, and this woman is like, I'm not safe and I have kids. Crisis. Crisis. And this man is like, so, could I talk to my wife about lube because I feel like, uh, we shouldn't really need it. And I'm like, oh my, like, just, we are on different levels and different planets sometimes. And so this all goes down, I go to the last interview, I come back to that hotel room and it's about 4pm, we're leaving on the red eye. I hate the red eye. I hate the red eye. The only reason I booked it was because he was coming with me and I was like, okay, so we'll get back as soon as possible. Right? So he can see the dog and so, you know, he, we relieve his parents from watching our three very independent children who are like so easy to take care of. Our, our children are a delight. Tatia, stay with, I gotta tell you. I get back to the hotel. And I am just exhausted from this, up and down from all of it. And I lay on the bed and I'm like, how, how long do I have to sleep? And I don't know, it's like 45 minutes or something, right? I don't know. It's not long. And I had to pay for the late checkout. I had to pay like 560 for the late checkout, Tatiana. Like, it was ridiculous. Like the hotel was kind of giving us a hard time and I had no fight left in me. I had no fights. Yeah. It was like, as long as nobody is a victim of domestic violence at this moment, I will pay whatever I need. I'm just like, what? I had no fight left in me. Okay. So I pay for this extended checkout. And so we're there later. And I'm like, how many minutes are asleep? I fall down on the bed. I'm like dead asleep. Okay. I hear. My husband's phone vibrate and then I hear him in a fluff, you know what I mean? I'm like, what's going on? Yeah. Like, our flight's delayed and I was like, how long? And he's like, two hours. I was like, okay. And I fall back asleep. Okay. Like, and I'm just, whoo, whoo. Okay. I wake up. Our flight keeps getting delayed. Cause like nobody's flying anywhere in the whole country that night. Like nobody's going anywhere. Yeah. And I keep hearing this like every 45 minutes or an hour, he has a tantrum, right? And I'm like, I get woken up and fall back asleep. It's about two 30 in the morning and I'm now awake and he is sleeping and I'm staring at the ceiling in this hotel that I was staying at three times. Okay. And I'm like, I must figure out the answer before I leave this hotel room. I'm like, why is this human who I've shared a life with for 20 years? On a different planet than I am, like, I don't understand what he, what the things that he thinks are upsetting and the things I think are upsetting. Like it's a Saturday that we're going to be home and his parents are going to be at our house for a few extra hours with our children, like on a Saturday and his parents are retired anyway. Like it doesn't even make any sense laying there. I'm like, please, consciousness, divine, everybody, like, please just tell me. And in that moment. I saw the two of us, it was like a split screen, Tatiana, it was like a split screen, of the early years of our marriage where we had two little kids, okay, they were 22 months apart, we were each working six days a week, and the agreement was for him to work on a business that the two of us had started together, okay? And he had like given it this one try, I had done it with him, and like we got some information, Like, nothing really happened. And then he worked at his parents restaurant. His parents had a Greek restaurant, okay? So he worked there helping them manage the restaurant, but mostly running deliveries, Tatiana. So I, I, I saw, all of a sudden I saw a split screen of our lives, our shared, I'm putting this in air quotes, our shared lives together, okay? For that first, you know, eight years that we had kids. I was at home, and these are all my choices, these are all my choices, and I'm not, like, what I'm saying is, I was saying, why do we see things differently, and here's what my answer was. We've lived different lives. I was home with the kids all day, homeschooling, homesteading. Then evenings and weekends running my nonprofit, recruiting for a sport people didn't know existed, going up against misogynistic skating boards. From the time I was 23 years old, I've been talking to, you know, older white men, way, way older. Like they've got big checkbooks. They're like on the board of a country club. Right. And like, Hey, sweetie, come in and tell us about your skating program. Like trying to navigate. Those things, right? Dealing with really volatile skating parents, like dealing with injuries, like all of these things, okay? With dozens to hundreds of people every week, and at the same time, my ex was working in the restaurant with his two brothers and his cousin and his parents and his uncle. And then he would come home in the evenings and be with our kids for a few hours. So he saw like 10 people every day for eight years, right? Whereas I orchestrated through rinks across the country and across the ocean, even for hundreds of people, like I, I just had a different experience. So perspective wise, when I'm coming back to like, okay, here, here's what I think based on like, you know, my experience with people and, you know, consensus building and running shit and making decisions, right? Uh, and he had this very, very small perspective of life. And you know what I remembered at that same time, Tatiana, that during that time when I was running my skating organization, had the two little kids, because we had a third a little later, my mom and my mother in law would always say, Manny looks so tired. And I realized the bar that we have. Set for men at all and the competitiveness still or the way that in patriarchy, women will still take another woman's freedom and kind of like, you know what I mean, they'll kind of pull it down a bit instead of lifting her up. And so it's up to us to lift ourselves up or lift each other up. And that's what I realized, Tatiana, when I was like rising up and like, this is my purpose. This is my integrity. This is how I want to speak creatively. This is how I want to speak about things that are important to me. As I was rising up into a truer, more mature version of myself, he was no longer a match. He was no longer a match. And it was like, maybe even generous for us to think we were a match at the beginning. Like when I think back and I was like, Okay, wait a minute. I even say that we were hired for the same job where we met? I had developed all the off ice Strengthening and conditioning programs for all the figure skaters and hockey players in Manitoba and founded two skating organizations already And I was the assistant strength coach for Team Canada women's volleyball And they were hiring me at that place in New Jersey because they were expanding into an ice rink and they wanted a female strength coach Who had elite experience at Olympic, Olympic lifting instruction experience and ice sports experience to be like, yeah, like we have, we have this person on our staff, like as we're opening into this new realm that we haven't really done before. And my ex was hired as an intern. So like, some of us are really generous and like, you know, what we're willing to offer. And then like, Yeah. Yeah. What I'm giving myself permission to do, and what has shifted so many things for me, Tatiana, is asking myself, wait a minute, before I give more, just like, how satisfied am I with this situation right now, right? Yes. With the energetic flow right now. Am I getting a lot from this or am I like digging, lifting, pulling up a mountain, like re explaining? Yeah. Cause you're like used to being in the process of it and then you're like, wait, am I actually even enjoying it? Like, is this, do I want to even be here? You know, I think that because we're romantic and because we also know that to develop secure attachment with someone, it may not be all smooth sailing, so we may have like some things that come up. So there's like good intention behind it too, right? Like the processing of it and also. Not wanting to move into a void in detachment and just like, you know, scatter immediately or, or, you know, when you're dating someone, a lot of people have the advice, don't go for like the really strong connection right away. Right? Like the guy you want to date is the guy. And I kind of laugh because this is like, it's hard for me to go with advice like this. The guy that you want to date is the guy. Is the one who, like the first time you're like, you'll go with him again. And like, you let them grow on you and that's a healthy connection. Maybe. Yes. But I think asking ourselves, and this is what I help clients with too. In anything, if it's. a love that we're longing for, or it's a new space to live in, or a jump career wise, you know, a leap that we want to make. Getting really, really clear on where we are energetically in each moment, like, is our future, energy going towards anxiety? Is it going towards worry? Is it, are we coming from a place of panic or like, I need to do this? And then from there, that scattered sort of energy trying to figure something out because you can't worry yourself into a solution, right? Like creativity comes from a more relaxed place, right? So to ask ourselves, when I'm thinking about that person or that goal. Am I in a feeling of worry or, like, grasping or, like, strategizing for it, or am I, like, in a feeling of satisfaction around, like, I know that's coming, like, because there are two ways to wait for something, like, in eager anticipation for it, and then there's, like, in worry and, like, panic, anxiety about not getting it. Yeah, and desperation. Oh, right. The desperation is low key, always kind of there. And I notice it in dating, too. Like, sometimes I'm like, Oh, I might settle for this. And it's like, Settle? You've been dating for like six months. What are you talking about? But there's this part of me, it's like, Maybe I'll, I'm like, wait a minute. When my voice does that, I go, wait. And it's like, I'm pulling, I don't know if I told you about this the last time we were here, but whenever I have like this snarky little voice, I pretend like I'm pulling it out of my pocket like, like a mouse or like a, like a fucking elf on the shelf. I'm like, wait a minute. Come here. Come here. What did you say? And it was like, well, maybe you have to settle for blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, cause, cause, cause, cause what? Cause I don't have like 6, 000 likes on Bumble last time I checked. Like what? Like the pond is stocked. Okay. I just don't know if I have the energy to like wade through it. Like, you know what it's like. Indeeding. Right? But the desperation thing is there because there's still this part of me that's like, if I want to be partnered again at some point. Shouldn't that happen soon? Wouldn't that be better if that was, like, sooner? I don't know. You, you are more experienced with the dating stuff than I am. I'm having fun with it, though. As you should. I mean, I think, like, everyone's on their own timelines. And I think you bring up a really interesting point of, like, the shoulds that go through your head in those moments. And like, I love that analogy or like that visual you have of your voice of worry, like I, guys, if you're not like seeing this on video, like Ashleigh's almost like pulling it out of like a hat, like a magician has like all those like bandanas tied together and it just keeps going like, yeah, the silks in like, we got to call that shit out for ourselves, you know what I mean? And we got to put a fucking spotlight on that because. That can run the show, it's literally the circus, it's like do do do do do do do do, and you go. And, and here is the fucking thing, we will do like, ayahuasca, we'll fucking microdose, we'll be like, I wanna get in touch with my intuition. And yet you have, we all will have a gut feeling that's like four times a day. And we won't go, Hey, what, what, what do you have to tell me? You know what I mean? We just push it. It's like, what's the first thing I did when I was committing to self care and deepening my intuition? And I decided that I was going to go pee every time I felt the urge to pee. I was going to stop whatever I was doing, turn off the stove, stop talking to my kids. Even in the middle of skating practice, I would be like, and I need to pee. I'll be back. And my skaters knew that too. And you just like, you just, nature's calling and the nerve of us, the nerve of us to say, I want to be an open channel, but I'm just not getting the signs I want. And our body is giving us like such a clear, like, it's not even like you have to go number two and you're like, do I want to go here? It's like, you have to pee. Where's the toilet should be your next thought after that feeling, right? But, no, we put other things ahead of what our body Or our intuition or our energetic knowing or, or, or is telling us, is telling us because who knows how subtly those, those messages are going to come in our body. But like, stop taking for granted one of like the practice systems that we have. That's going to give you a few opportunities a day to tune into that. Yeah. I love that. I mean, that's like just such a great, simple, but like so real way of explaining it. I have two questions. One, do you know your human design? You know what? Human design is a rabbit hole. I haven't gone down. I am a manifesting generator, and I don't know much else. So I follow a couple human design accounts on Instagram, and so I'll look at the manifesting generator things, and when I do, it really resonates. Um, but that's all I know. I am going to have your homework assignment after this recording is to dive a little deeper into your human design because it's all about that like decision making, which is so important. So cool. And I feel like that was such a permission for me. I mean, listen, we're giving you all the permission in the world with this episode about like kind of following that intuition, but to kind of look more into that. is so great because I even learned from my human design that I'm someone who really needs to trust their gut and I'm someone who for so long would bypass that. I would be like, oh, I'm just gonna like bypass this gut feeling and now since I've kind of like gone deeper into it, it's been such a great exercise to be like, wait, let me take like three seconds. How do I actually feel about this situation and orient myself? So because it. Is, and this is why I love, and I know I'm going to love human design because what I've looked in so far, I'm like, that makes sense. I love when I learn astrology, tarot, human design, and I'm putting my hands like this, like plates, like on top of each other. And then I look through all of them and it's almost like a kaleidoscope, like all these different lenses. And when they click, I can see deeper and further into things. And just for your listeners to understand, like. I use astrology a lot for business. I use astrology a lot for relationships, like knowing my own strengths and also affirming in my assistant her strengths because she's, I can see that from her chart. And knowing what we're good at and why and being reminded of that, I think is one of the greatest things in the world. And I love strengths based coaching. So that's how I use astrology is like, okay, wait, what do we have to work with here? And, oh, you know, where are the places where we could be like super stubborn, but also we can really be persuasive. In this way, like my son, Jack is most persuasive with his words of anyone in the family. Like if we need to complain about something, you know, tell Jack to do it. He's a 16 year old, right? Like we all have different skills, do you know what I'm saying? Because my, my ex and I will both be like, we didn't, we didn't like that. So it's like letting people know that that's all personality driven rather than age driven and it's, there's no better, worse, it's like situation specific. So I use love astrology for that. I love tarot for that and really understanding the archetypes and understanding the archetypes of the elements. Right? Because, you know, the wands, the fire element, and I'm really a king of wands archetype. When you figure out like what court card or what signifier card you are personality wise, I feel like that helps me so much in dating. I know my most natural match would be a queen of cups or a queen of pentacles energy. So I dated a man who was a queen of cups energy and I have this queen of pentacles energy man who keeps coming around and both masculine men but this nurturing sort of like they would let me be the one in charge. You know, they'd be like, yeah, she's going to make more money. She's like, you know what I mean? So for people to understand that sort of dynamic and also. Because, you know how people talk about, like, the divine masculine feminine, and there are some things that are attractive about it, and then there are some things that it's like, wait a minute, are we just repackaging, like, misogyny or the binary in a different way? Like, what is happening here? So I think working with archetypes and working with elements and more like, okay, knowing your own makeup and like, I have a very king type energy. I am a leader type person, right? Like whatever room I walk into, I become the leader pretty quickly, right? Like throughout my life. Yeah. You have like coach identity, right? You've always been the coach or the team captain when I was a kid or just the like, right, right. For better, for worse. The ringleader for whatever, right? Like just that energy. So to match with that, I either need to have someone who's okay being like the support, like I'm going like this, like number two, you know, like that sort of queen type, I'm here for you. Yeah. Like, listen, they, they got to make the assist so you can score the goal. So like, that's, I want a masculine type energy who's able to support me in that like earthy way. Yeah. Or Tatiana, the other choice would be. Like a king of pentacles type energy like a man Like probably like a blue collar billionaire type guy like a guy like a real and there aren't that many of them on the earth right, but like a real like grounded but like Really successful guy who's like honey. I'm never gonna be jealous of you my sweet king of wands You can fucking shine and be you and I because the problem I come up against in dating Is that men want more from me or they're jealous of me? I wish I could understand both of those things. But I just don't do, I guess, but I'm not competing. I'm not competing with you, so like, don't try to one up me, because I could probably one up you. And also like, why? Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Let's just not. I'm curious to get your opinion on like, What's your advice and maybe you could speak to your situation or if any of the clients that you work with or kind of like if you were to be speaking to someone who entered your DMs. How do you know if you should stay or you should go? Are there like telltale signs? Is there like something that you're like, okay, this is really when, you know, you're noticing that shift to let go? Yeah. I can tell you exactly when it is. Exactly when you have investigated your preferences for a certain period of time. Okay. I would say probably a couple weeks to a couple months of just tuning in with your partner. Especially if you're living together, you have a lot of opportunities on a daily basis, just like tuning into going pee when you need to go pee, right? When you're living with someone, you have a lot of opportunities to tune in, tune into the dynamics, tune into your state of satisfaction, take responsibility for your state of satisfaction or dissatisfaction in every moment. Because Tatiana, there are a lot of times when I am washing the dishes here in this house that I feel annoyed that I'm washing the dishes. When I was married, I was feeling annoyed at my then husband for not washing the dishes. And now I'm just feeling annoyed because dishes exist and they are a part of earth school, right? So being honest, like when you're washing the dishes, okay, here we go. Am I annoyed that he didn't wash them? If I was here alone, I would be washing all of them. So, like, let's just, like, let's just bring some, instead of just being mad, go like, let's just be clear, if I am mad, what is it that's not at my satisfaction? What would I like instead? Just integrity check, right? And, it's just a taking stock of, does this person make my life better or worse? Does this person make things easier or harder? Does this person give me more energy for the things I love or less? Does this person give me the support I need or cause me more stress? These are the simple questions. Is this person an additive to my life? Is partnering with this person making my life better? Because that's the only reason we should partner with someone. Because we met them and we were like, hey you! I think this is going to be better if we do it together. Yes. I saw some really interesting quote where someone was like, Honestly, guys, marriage isn't hard, it's life is hard and let's select partners who are gonna help make that easier. If that partner is not making it easier or isn't like your tag team in it, that's what makes the marriage hard because life is already hard, period. And I love that so much because this marriage is hard, is a patriarchal scapegoat for men not having to step up and be good partners. And this idea that, like, men and women want different things, you know, you got, guys are blah, blah, blah, blah. I love that even guys are starting to call, like, it's so nice. We are on this rising tide, and thank you Superbowl for bringing us the word broflake because we need an archetypal name to be like, this is what you are, you look dumb, okay? So now we can be like, you're a broflake, and they're like, Oh. Yeah. Because they are just so, like, upset, you know. But that's, it's starting to become mainstream for, for men to just not co sign the bullshit either. Right? But this marriage is hard, or men and women will always want different things sexually, is just total binary fallacy that stops us from getting to know each other. The uniquely amazing and uniquely annoying human that we each are and the, the humans who we're trying to partner with, like, right, we're all different. And if we can just drop the superiority around our own preferences, that's why the preferencing is good. Cause you can just give yourself compassion for like, Oh, yeah. I drive a Ford Flex, but I'd like to drive a Range Rover. Yeah, so I drive a Range Rover now. Yeah. And you know what? I drive it and I'm like, this is a better fit. I mean, I'm like, I like this. I love you. This makes more sense than the Ford Flex. It's just like the vibe. That's all. Just like, I just, I'm just like, no, I, for my primary vehicle, you know, I don't know. And that's been a lot for me to admit because I didn't grow up with money. My parents could not get out of their bank overdraft till I was in college. So every ask was too much because we couldn't get to zero. So part of my journey into integrity and like preferences and self coaching and honesty was like this little game of chicken with the universe where I would say, okay, am I still a nice person if I let myself have nice things? You know, because part of my identity, especially as the oldest of four children, was I'm not going to ask for things that I'm not going to be the spoiled one. I'm not going to add stress. Like I don't even need those things, you know, like the little need it. Like I was so self gaslighting. Being like, no, actually, I have a house with an indoor pool now, Tatiana, because I'm like, oh yeah, I love it. I just blame it on my Venus and Leo, like I just, I like to have some nice things around me. Which, this is a new realization for me. Oh my god. I love that. You're making me laugh because I was driving through like one of the canyons to the beach last weekend and I'm like in my car, which when I moved to LA. I bought my dad's old car lease off of him. Like his lease was up. I was like, your car is still pretty new. I'm going to buy this off of you. Like, it was not like my choice of vehicle, but it was still a nice car. Shout out Volkswagen. Love a VW, but I'm like driving my little VW through the canyons and I'm like sitting there and I'm like having so much fun winding through like all these switchbacks. And then I like had this thought in my head. I'm like, now imagine you're in your dream car. And I was like, Oh, okay. Like immediately all the windows are down. I'm like, my steering wheel is wood. Like in my head, I'm like, it's that cool, like, uh, like marbleized, like wood texture. I'm thinking of the like old vintage range too. I'm like whipping it. And I was like, Oh, this feels great. Okay. So Tatiana, what you are explaining right now is how I really, really, really think we jumped timelines. So let's talk about this because I am like the, I am like, we are on the same wavelength. If that was what you were about to ask, because this is how, this is how, and I'm just going to show just a little, like, this is how this, it was so, since we last spoke, it's stunning. Your house, I live in this incredible house, 5, 000 square foot house. with an indoor pool that's like made for like a single woman whose children visit sometimes. It's like the whole second floor is a master suite that's like, like, I swear this house is built for sex. Like it is just. It was built by a bad ass lesbian veterinarian for her and her partner. And they would party, they had this pool table and this huge bar. And their dogs lived here with them. And um, they only had one actually spare room. And then it sold woman to woman. And then to me, the second couple who bought it built on a couple extra bedrooms, like a kid's wing. Which sounds pretentious, so I call it the cat's wing. But. Okay. I wanted a new house with my ex husband. And we can even, I can even share this photo with you for, for your audience if they want. And I did this house spell that I cast for, okay. And I had burnt intentions in moon circles with friends, with women for probably, I don't know, maybe eight years before that, but I'd never done it on my own. Like I would just do it like in, in groups. But my friend and psychic and tarot teacher Katie was like, okay, if you, if you want to move, here's the house spell. So I found these houses on Pinterest, these different styles. And I was like, okay, different styles. And I showed them to my husband and kids. And this is a couple of years ago. And they were like, they, everyone was like, Ooh, Ooh, Ooh, to this like sort of modern style. Right. I was like, all right, me too. That's what I thought. Cause they wanted something that were all the vibe of yes. Yes. You got it? Listen. Okay, because the vibe just has to be clean yes. Clean yes. Whatever details you've considered, they're a yes. If any fears come up, this is what I do myself and what I encourage clients to do is I want you to like pull it out of your pocket, you know, like, like that, the magician's silks or whatever, and then look at it. It's like an elf on the shelf at the end of that, right? It's like, hi there. Little bugger. What is it? And I want it to be like, oh, well, yeah, but if you get that house, you get that car, so and so is going to be jealous, Tatiana, or so and so is going to be jealous, Ashleigh. And it's like, okay, good. All right. What if they're jealous? Let's turn up the volume. What if they're so jealous? Okay. What does that feel like? And you feel it in your body. And for me, like it might be on my chest. It might be through like, And the body does not know, I mean, we have learned this through sports, we have learned this through visualization and studies on practice versus just imagining that you're going through the motion. And this is why EMDR works. This is why like trauma therapy, like your body imagines that the thing you are imagining is happening, right? Like, like that's why you sweat, like, I mean, this just, this just happens, right? So when you can imagine. That, that worst case scenario is happening. And this is what I even do, Tatiana. I say to myself, what if I was trying to make them jealous and then what would I make the house look like? Like, if I was, just hypothetically, okay, I go to like the super little side of it. Like, right? Like, I don't want to make them jealous, but if they are going to be jealous, how that's going to feel? What if I was trying to make them jealous? Let's just go into that frequency and let's just feel it out there. And I love knowing my edges, Tatiana. And I love feeling like, I think anytime we can really feel into an emotion, we alchemize it. Or it's like, um, exposure therapy for things that we want to feel or limiting beliefs or fears that we just push down. And when we go, wait a minute, let's me, let me just hear what you are saying. And it's like, Maybe your armpits will smell. And it's like, no, we know that's like not a real fear anymore. Okay. Like you never know, like the fear that comes up could be so easily redirected or easily, because that fear doesn't want to stay there. It's this sort of like inner family systems or like parts work too, where you take part of you that's causing a fuss and you go, I'm giving you the floor, like, tell me what that what's up. Right. And you don't fight it. You just kind of like, let it sit there. But then what I always want to. So I will tell you that is like turning it around and going, what is the opposite is true? What if like I'm safer, the more people I make jealous? What if that's the case? What would I do? You know, like just to play with your mind to get around that fear. So then your imaginative brain is like, hug. I look even better here. It could be there and like you start to feel into the bravery, the seasonedness, the maturity, the like. Version of you that you will be when those things have happened because you have gone through everything to get there, you get some of that benefit, Tatiana, without actually it happening, you get some of that benefit through that imagined, and then that's how I think you jump timelines, when you can picture, I also think this is like how we peek through to another timeline to be like, wait, how could this go down? How could that go down? It's like, do I like this? Do I like that? What detail would I want there? Yeah. And then when we're like, yes, yes, yes, yes. And we clean up the energy around it. No resistance, no downsides. No details undecided, unless, this is my little trick, if I can't decide on something, I go, I did this with the last guy I dated. I said, just send me somebody whose qualities I didn't even know I wanted. Boom! Came in, deal prep for my kids every two weeks, taught my cat how to play, she just knows how to murder, she's an indoor outdoor cat, but taught her how to play, like for snow days or rainy days, she can play with toys now, like, I don't know, some benefits, like I was like, yeah, didn't have that on my bingo card. Really nice that I have those in my, in my life now. Yeah. But when we can like line up with it, and this is what I recommend, is when you get clean and lined up with that energy, like, oh my god, I feel the radio station of me with that satisfied peak, like, whoa, you know what I mean? I feel that. I feel it. I feel it. I feel it. When you can get in that feeling vibe of it, and I sometimes try to lock it in with music. Sometimes I'll like listen to a certain album when I'm like doing this, like journaling. And then when I turn on that album again, I'm like, yeah, that is the vibe. Or if I'm working on a puzzle, then every time I go like, I, I need to be able to go back to it. And part of my work as a performer and a coach, you know what I'd be like working on that program and like, put me in that like headspace when we can get there and really feel like that thing that we wanted happened already. Two weeks to two years ago, like you're still basking in the satisfaction of it happening But any stress about it has already happened You know what I mean? And you're like in the after like the what next like I'm the person who achieved that Holy felt like I was so fucking good and just like imagine often how good it feels but if that happened two weeks ago Right? Like, you're already a best selling author, your show already debuted on Netflix, it's been number one for two weeks, okay? Like, what are you doing tomorrow, right? What, like, what's next? And it's usually there that we unlock the part of ourselves or the cue that we've been missing because this is so classic human. We will think somebody else. Yes. Is not delivering their thing or their answer or this thing hasn't happened or the followers or, or, or, or, when actually the next thing on the script is a brave move for us to make and we know we're going to have to make it, but we just want these other things to happen first. Yeah. Yes. Something's taking too long. It's you. But we have to do all these mental gymnastics to be then in a vibe and That then when we are faced with, okay, so you're in that vibe, and it's like, you need to have that honest conversation with your mother in law, and it's like, hey, that's great. Yeah. And it's like, oh yeah, but you're going to get what you, I can do that. Right. Or like, we come from a place of buoyancy to do the brave thing, right? When we, when we're being called to do a brave thing and we're coming from a place of panic or depleted energy. I don't know, it's gonna be hard to work up the courage. Let's just fill ourselves up. Let's just get well resourced before we have to like, go into a big athletic or emotional contest. You know what I mean? Mm hmm. Yes. 100%. I'm so with you. Like, just giving yourself the time and space to recalibrate and like, I like your method of preferences, preferences, right? Like, that's not a rushed process. The preferences is like a timely, enjoyable, like, let's just re ground, regroup, no decisions need to be made in this very moment. And so I feel like that is like the, the energy of it all, right? Like when we're like, the chicken with our head cut off, feeling like everything's urgent, feeling like we're coming out of a place of panic and depletion. Like, that is not your soul's answer. That is your intrusive thoughts answer. It is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, and this is the thing that I figured out in like the past, I would say, two years because, um, I was an athlete and a performer and like mental training was sort of my game, but it was a Joe Dispenza book that I read that helped me understand a part that I had been missing. And that was like my energetic frequency. Like if I have panic going on in my body and I'm like, yeah, I'm not going to think those like, you know, defeating thoughts, but I'm like. Like, I'm exhausted already from, like, just getting into that energy for a second to demonstrate it to you. I, like, then made the connection, like, oh, the actual feeling of peace or satisfaction or disharmony or bliss in my body, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's what's actually magnetic. It's not just my fucking thoughts. It's not even my thoughts at all, actually. The thoughts are just, like Like the tool or like the method or like, and this is why I do use guided imagination in my own work and with clients so much, it's the thoughts can create the emotional reality and picture escape to get you to the emotional place you need to be, but you need to be like coming from like a calm sort of like playing field. Like You know, you can't come from, like, an inferno and be like, Okay, so here's the plan for how we're going to open the daycare. Like, what? Like, you know what I mean? You can't, like, come out of a, like, triage and be, like, acting like it's normal. So, this preferences thing, I feel like it is a constant and subtle and inintegrity form of Checking in with yourself in the moment and also making changes like sometimes I'll be washing dishes. I don't really have a big problem with washing dishes, but if I'm not like joyful, literally if I'm not joyful in every moment, I say to myself, what's wrong with me or what's wrong with the environment right now? Like, do I need to put on music? Do I need to like take off a layer to be more comfortable? Because I'm actually just sweaty. Do I need to put shoes on? Because actually, my feet just hurt from being barefoot in my kitchen. I'm just going to put on my Berks when I'm washing the fucking dishes. Yeah. And turn the music up. Like, what can I do to shift into satisfaction in this moment? Because the more that we're in satisfaction, The more that we gravitate to satisfaction, the more that satisfaction is grav is magnetized to us. The more that we're like, wait a minute, what is the easiest, most generous way I could solve this problem? Oh shit. It actually was the most profitable. Because that's the thing that happens. I think consciousness is here to experience itself in new ways through us, I think. So that's not all supposed to be hard. It can actually be like medium hard, like nah. And fun when we're like with the flow of creation, because that's what consciousness wants to create through us. And we can create imaginary things through our anxiety. Or we can create real things in the fucking world through our actions and through our collaborations with other people and through, like, the truth. Which is, we are actually connected, we actually have a lot of agency, we actually can move the plot forward in our lives, and can make great improvements for other people we care about, but we can get pulled into ego. Which is also this illusion of separateness where we think, Oh my God, there's no one on my side. I don't, you can't even get on your own side, right? We're just like banging up against a wall. And any practice that we can use to get out of that and just come back, turn down the static, just come back to our own frequency, right? Come back to our own truth. There's a new Queen Herbie song. Do you know Queen Herbie? No. She's amazing. And that's actually the concert that I went to in Philly last week. She's so incredible. Uh, she's a witchy, quirky, funky, fun, independent artist. Um, she's sort of like, uh, like a female Eminem. She like raps. She's raunchy, witchy, so loving, so loving, incredible. But. Queen Herbie came out with a song called Mood of the Century and it's about energy and jumpy timelines lining up and like, and one of the lines at the end of every chorus is, and it's not that deep. It's actually not that deep. Okay. Right. Like we do all this work to try to just listen to what our body and our heart are already telling us. Like, it's so silly, actually. Wait, tell me what your not that deep moment was, like, I wanna go back to the like, 2. 30am, you see the split screen of like, your life, like, was that moment like, it's not that fucking deep? In the moment was, the moment was, it's not that fucking deep. I was like, why in a moment of crisis do I feel so alone with this man? We have three children together who we have raised lovingly, like. There are things that we have done well together. We have been considerate friends to each other for these past two decades. Why, why in crisis do I feel alone or even hindered, not even alone, like worsened? Like that, my trip would have been better if he wasn't there because anytime he could step up, right? It was like, why is my life harder with him? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And what I saw in that not, it's not that deep moment was. I lived this life very invested in the big picture and what's best for everybody and that is so entwined with my life's purpose. I am not here to be in a corner. I'm here to just be on a stage or on a, at a rink or inspiring other people to go out and do their thing. Like, you know, born with an opinion, paid for it since 1996. You know what I mean? Like, And I was like, and here's this person who I feel like I have so much in common with or whatever because you know, we live together and I was like, Oh my God, when he says like, I really just care about these things that I can see, like, he really cares about me. Just cares about these things that he can see and I can't, I think that it's not that deep moment was I went back and sort of saw his life that he had lived and I imagined myself in that small of an environment and I imagined myself Jumping out of my skin by the time I was six years old, like, that's not that's like, Oh, this is small for me. And I remember that when we, we met and then we had a mortgage together 11 months later and we moved to Pennsylvania by his family and his friends were his brothers were his coworkers. And I was like, where are all the people? Like, this is such a small circle, like what? And then so I went and I started skating organizations and I went and like, I found my people, but I didn't realize Hacienda, he really didn't, there were no other, like there were no other people. He has two best friends named Chris. That was it. One of them he met in fourth grade. One of them came in in the last decade. That's the thing I realized. There's only one person he knows who came into his life. Since I came into his life, his circle is so small and my commitment to expansion. I mean, Sag rising ruled by Jupiter, baby. Like I moved away from my family twice by the time I was 21 years old. Like, like I'm here to be moving and shaking. So. I, I just realized, wow, like the way he has chosen to live his life, and I didn't even realize this till now, and the way that I have, why in the world would we think that we are going to be able to make the next step together? It's actually wild that we've stayed together this long. If we look at like how diverging our perspectives are, and I just, to look at it just with that lens of just let me see the differences. In that moment, because I was like, I was at my wits end. I was like, why do I feel like this person beside me doesn't understand the world like I do? We, we're living in different realities, like why is that? And it's that we all do, Tatiana. I think every single one of us lives in different realities. Every single, like, whether it's like our own sort of VR simulation, or we just notice different things, or give a shit about different things. We intersect with other people, but I think we're living our own our own version of it. Totally. Wow. What a just full circle moment since we last spoke. And honestly, I just love having you on. Can you share with listeners just like Where they can connect with you and honestly kind of like what they can expect from you if they follow you or if they want to do like independent work with you, like, you know, share all of the juiciness. Yes. Okay. So the thing that I am working on the most because when I left my marriage, I sort of went internal in this beautiful house that I landed in because when I called the mortgage broker Tatiana on that Sunday, you know what she told me? She said, Oh, hi, nice to meet you. Yeah. I've never lost sleep over a mortgage. Like the way I have over yours. If your husband would stop being such a douche bag, this would be so much easier. And I said, okay, well, here's the information I had ready for you. So here you go. And she's like, let me take a look. And she's like, oh shit, you make money. I was like, yes, I do. She's like, okay. Next morning she said to me, all right, you know what we need to do? You need to get your tax returns done individually today. And. You can qualify for this mortgage by yourself as long as he's not on the loan. He's a liability to you because of the way that he handles his finances, but because of the way you've handled yours. You can still get this house as a family, but it has to just be in your name, the loan. Even at that time, he could not admit that I know how to handle money. So it was a few days after that, that I was like, all right, our marriage is over. I'm going to move there alone, which is amazing. Cause it's like, there's only one office. It's a huge house, but it's like for one person. It's so weird. So then, yeah, I moved here with my cat. I love it. People, so the thing that I'm teaching the most on is timeline jumping, is like getting yourself into that headspace of satisfaction, getting yourself into that space of the after so that you have some creativity freed up to like stop worrying about that shit and figure out what your next cue is, your next step. The guarantee. Year late on something. So I work with clients individually, just two weeks at a time. Usually we'll do one clarity call, then two weeks of tech support while they're like implementing what we talked about and then another call to wrap up. And then clients are usually like. You know, these are people who like have their own businesses who do their work, right? Like it's, you know, somebody who's like, wants to hear from an equal, wants to hear from someone else who's done their work. Listen, these are the things that I feel resistance around. And like we piece it apart and they go, Oh fuck. That's my fear. I'm like, what if we don't have that? You know, like I used to hold my skaters hands when we'd be trying a new lift or trying something hard. I'm like, this is fucking scary. I'm here. Let's just walk through this. And people, because I got that coach energy, they're like, I can face this scary thing with you. I think you got me. And then, surprise, you see yourself in an entirely new way and you're like, oh fuck. Okay, well, next step is easier or next step doesn't even exist because I've already jumped. Um, people can DM me for information about that. I'm also teaching a masterclass and I'm going to have a ritual ebook about intention setting and jumping timelines. Because for me, and this comes back from a sports background, I want to check in to make sure I'm calibrated properly every two weeks. So I do it with the new moon and the full moon, an intention checking, integrity, clarity kind of journaling session. And then I burn it because I like being witchy, and something I've been doing in this new house with my own space too is kitchen witchery, like adding things, so in my ritual ebook I talk about that too, and in my, in my timeline masterclass, because It's fun to get your own like creative flair in there too because that's where I think that's what I think magic really is is it's always was our intuition right and then like you know we've been sort of disconnected from that so trying to teach it but I think it's well so that's why I like to share with people the way that I kind of intuit it and then they can make it their own so yeah finding me on Instagram you're going to see all of those things say hi I love it oh my god you're such a treat to talk to I love it thank you so much for joining me today And I will link everything in the show notes per uge. And guys, if you love this episode, please go check out Ashleigh's page. I am just such a fucking fan of her work. I really fu I really mean it. And go listen to our first episode together if you want to hear a little bit more about how to keep monogamy hot, all those fun things in her book Swing. We talk a lot about, like, sex clubs and, like, sex parties in there. That was such a fun episode. I, like, I remember so many people even DMing me after that being like, Love this woman. So anyways, all our episodes are amazing together. And yeah, be sure to leave this podcast a rating, a review. If you loved it, share it with your friends, text it to your friends, add it to your story, all the fun things. So thank you, Ashleigh, for joining me. What a treat. Bye. Thanks for having me. Bye everybody for listening to the bedside podcast. I hope you loved this episode as much as we did making it if you have any feedback questions or suggestions for future episodes Or if you just want to chat don't hesitate to reach out to us at the bedside on Instagram and the bedside Co online you can also find us at by the bedside on tik tok to stay updated on our latest Episodes, be sure to subscribe to our podcast on your preferred platform. And if you found this episode valuable, I would so greatly appreciate if you could leave us a rating, a review, text it to a friend, share it to your Instagram stories, let's get this message out there loud and clear until next time. Thank you so much for tuning in and I'll see you next week.