Not that kind of woman

Is Proverbs 31 a blueprint for the perfect woman—or something more?

In this special message, Pastor Nicole takes us beyond the surface of this often-misunderstood passage. With wisdom, grace, and humor, she invites us to see Proverbs 31 not as a checklist of expectations, but as a celebration of faithfulness, strength, and character—qualities that reflect the image of God in us all.

Whether you’ve felt pressured by unrealistic standards or simply long to live with greater purpose, this sermon is for you. Discover how God meets us in the everyday, calls out our worth, and equips us to live lives that matter.

Take a deep breath, lean in, and be encouraged. You’re more than enough in the hands of a faithful God.

Linkoln shares his story on why he started coming to Ravenna Church of the Nazarene and shares why you should consider doing the same.

Ravenna Church of the Nazarene
530 Main Street, Ravenna, KY 40472

Enjoy this message? Consider visiting Ravenna Church of the Nazarene where Pastor Jason is the Senior Pastor. Have a prayer need? Want to share something with Pastor Jason? Email rav.naz.ky@gmail.com

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Chapters

• 0:00 Trailer [linktree link]
• 0:00 Reading of the Passage: Proverbs 31:10-31
• 0:23 Theme song--"The Dirt Path" by Jeremy Edwards
• 1:27 Podcast Greeting
• 2:28 Sermon Introduction
• 6:34 Reading of the Passage: Proverbs 31:10-31
• 8:47 A Checklist I couldn't keep up
• 14:51 Proverbs 31 is not a to-do list
• 17:12 This passage is not just for women
• 28:56 Invitation: Stop hesitating, start planting
• 36:42 Closing prayer
• 38:29 Outro

Transcript

*not a word for word transcript, but the sermon manuscript. may slightly differ from what is presented.*

Sermon: Proverbs 31—Not that Kind of Woman

Please turn with me to Proverbs 31:10–31.

As I was growing up, my mother had a very clear picture of what a “good Christian wife and mother” was supposed to look like. She used Proverbs 31 often to reinforce that picture. According to her—and many others—the Proverbs 31 woman cooked, cleaned, sewed, cared for her children, and submitted to her husband without question. She was frugal, productive, and never idle. She served, sacrificed, and supported—always cheerfully.

My sisters and I were taught that this was the standard. This was womanhood. And I really took it to heart.

I lived and breathed this passage throughout my adolescence. I wanted nothing more than to become a Proverbs 31 woman. I imagined my future children someday reading this passage and saying, “That’s exactly who my mother is.” That seemed like the ultimate goal. And while it’s certainly not a bad desire to want to be wise, faithful, and productive—it turns out I had completely misunderstood what this passage is truly about.

Reading the Passage with New Eyes

Let’s look at this passage together:

Proverbs 31:10–31 (selected paraphrase)
10 Who can find a wife of noble character? For her value is far more than rubies. 11 Her husband’s heart has trusted her, and he does not lack the dividends. 12 She has rewarded him with good and not harm all the days of her life. 13 She sought out wool and flax, then worked happily with her hands. 14 She was like the merchant ships; she would bring in her food from afar. 15 Then she rose while it was still night, and provided food for her household and a portion to her female servants. 16 She considered a field and bought it; from her own income she planted a vineyard. 17 She clothed herself in might, and she strengthened her arms. 18 She perceived that her merchandise was good. Her lamp would not go out in the night. 19 She extended her hands to the spool, and her hands grasped the spindle. 20 She opened her hand to the poor, and extended her hands to the needy. 21 She would not fear for her household in winter, because all her household were clothed with scarlet,  22 because she had made coverings for herself; and because her clothing was fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is well-known in the city gate when he sits with the elders of the land. 24 She made linen garments then sold them, and traded belts to the merchants; 25 her clothing was strong and splendid; and she laughed at the time to come. 26 She has opened her mouth with wisdom, with loving instruction on her tongue. 27 Watching over the ways of her household, she would not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children have risen and called her blessed; her husband also has praised her: 29 “Many daughters have done valiantly, but you have surpassed them all!” 30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting. A woman who fears the Lord—she makes herself praiseworthy. 31 Give her credit for what she has accomplished, and let her works praise her in the city gates.

A Checklist I Couldn’t Keep

Growing up, I didn’t see this as a celebration of womanhood—I saw it as a checklist.

Be submissive—never make decisions without your husband.

Wake up early to cook breakfast.

Stay up late to get everything ready for tomorrow.

Make your own clothes. Garden. Budget perfectly.

Support your husband quietly so that he can be respected.

And always look pleasant while doing it.

I tried. Oh, how I tried.

When Jason and I first got married, I was determined to live this out. I asked his opinion on everything. I wouldn’t buy anything without his approval—even small things. I’d wake up early to cook for him, then stay up late to clean—burning out completely in the process. I was constantly exhausted and constantly frustrated.

And when I couldn’t keep it all up, I felt like I had failed—not just as a wife, but as a woman of God. Jason—bless him—never expected this of me. But I had absorbed the idea that anything less than Proverbs 31 perfection meant I was failing him… and failing God. I just wasn’t that kind of woman that could do it all.

Everything came to a head after Jaedyn was born. Jason’s income alone wasn’t going to be enough, so I decided to take a part-time job. I had worked as a CNA before, so I applied at a local assisted living facility.

When our pastor heard about it, he was shocked. He told Jason—not me—that a godly woman stays home. That a good Christian mother doesn’t work outside the home. And he used Proverbs 31 to back up his point.

That moment shook me. Because even though I was already tired of the pressure I’d been putting on myself, part of me still thought he was right. That I was falling short of God’s design for me.

So I went back to Proverbs 31, asking God, “What is this passage really saying?”

And the answer I found changed everything.

Proverbs 31 is not a to-do list.

It’s not a prescription. It’s a portrait. A poem. A celebration.

It doesn’t describe a single day in the life of a woman—it describes a lifetime of character, courage, and care. This is a woman who knows how to meet the needs of her household, her community, and her God.

And she doesn’t do it all at once. She does what’s needed when it’s needed.

Sometimes she gets up early. Other times, she stays up late. She buys land. She runs a business. She sews and sells and gives and speaks. She’s generous and shrewd, strong and wise. And she does it all because she fears the Lord.

“She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings, she plants a vineyard.”

This verse stopped me in my tracks.

She doesn’t ask her husband for permission. She doesn’t delay. She considers—she thinks wisely—and then she acts.

She invests. She plants something that will bless her family and others long into the future.

And here’s what hit me: we often over-spiritualize our hesitation. We say, “I’m just waiting on the Lord,” when in truth, God is waiting on us to act on the wisdom and resources He’s already given us.

We’re surrounded by open fields—opportunities to plant, to invest, to serve, to build. But fear or tradition or other people’s expectations hold us back.

The Proverbs 31 woman isn’t held back. She walks in strength and godly wisdom—and she moves forward.

Her Strength Makes Room for Others

Verse 23 says her husband is respected at the city gate. But look closer—his respect comes not because she’s invisible, but because she is strong. She manages the household. She builds a business. She brings honor to him by being fully herself.

Her strength doesn’t diminish her husband—it elevates him.

Too often, Proverbs 31 is used to silence women or keep them in a supporting role. But this passage actually honors a woman who leads, speaks, decides, creates, and contributes with strength and dignity.

It’s not about her place in the home. It’s about her character in every place she goes.

Verse 28 says, “Her children arise and call her blessed.” But let’s be honest—not all children do. And that isn’t always because they’re rebellious or ungrateful. Sometimes, it's because the woman who was supposed to bless them caused deep harm instead. A mother is not called “blessed” simply because she bears the title—but because she lives a life that blesses her children.

The Proverbs 31 woman receives praise from her children because she is worthy of it. She is nurturing, wise, and trustworthy. She is a source of strength, not fear. And while no parent is perfect, her character consistently builds her household up rather than tearing it down.

This is true of the Church as well. We, as the bride of Christ, are meant to be a blessing to God’s children. But if we try to enforce righteousness in unrighteous ways—through shame, fear, or control—we become the opposite of a blessing. We drive people away. And just like some children grow up and go “no contact” with abusive parents, many of God’s children have walked away from the Church—not because they reject Christ, but because the Church that claimed His name was not safe or loving.

But the good news is this: we are not stuck in the past. If we have been more of a burden than a blessing—whether as individuals or as a Church—repentance is always possible. Through God’s grace, we can be changed. And we can become the kind of bride—the kind of mother—the kind of Church—that is truly worthy of the title noble.

And here’s the kicker: this passage isn’t just for women.

Scripture calls the Church the Bride of Christ. Which means Proverbs 31 is a picture of what we all—men and women—should look like as followers of Jesus.

We are called to:

• Work with willing hands.
• Care for the poor.
• Make wise investments.
• Speak with wisdom.
• Be strong, not timid.
• Serve, not stagnate.
• Trust God enough to act.

So don’t reduce Proverbs 31 to housework and submission.

It’s about holy courage. Faith in action. It’s about being someone whose life brings praise at the city gates—not because they’re perfect, but because they are faithful.

Stop Hesitating. Start Planting.

So Church, hear me:

If God has put a field in front of you—consider it.
Pray about it.
Use the wisdom you’ve been given.
Then buy it.
Plant the vineyard.
Step forward in faith.

Because a Proverbs 31 life isn’t about checking boxes—it’s about courageously living out the call God has placed on you.

Whatever your gender, your age, or your stage of life—this is what it means to be faithful:

Rise when it’s needed.

Speak when it’s time.

Serve with joy.

Work with purpose.

Fear the Lord—and move forward without fear.