Raising Wild Hearts
Psychology, spirituality, and parenthood with a dash of sarcasm and a whole lotta love. For the cycle-breakers, the change-makers, and the revolutionaries envisioning a more beautiful way to live, work, and play—come hang with Ryann Watkin as she dives into the heart of the matter with the world's leading experts and authors. Oh, and get ready to grow your book list because around here, there can never be enough books.
Raising Wild Hearts
Coparenting with the Universe with Murielle Fellous
What if the darkest challenges of motherhood could be your greatest opportunities for growth? Step into the complexity and magic of motherhood with Murielle Fellous, a clinical EFT practitioner and coach for mothers. Murielle's journey is an inspiring testament to resilience, as she shares her experiences navigating depression and anxiety, parenting as a single mother, and even supporting one of her children through a suicide attempt.
Learn More About Murielle and Coparenting with the Universe here
❤️🔥Learn More About and Join Ryann Watkin's Raising Wild Hearts Membership here ❤️🔥
0:00 Healing Trauma and Empowering Mothers
5:46 Single Mom Healing and Transformation
16:21 Co-Creating and Parenting Success
28:53 Explore EFT and Tapping Techniques
43:19 Healing Trauma and Importance of Witnessing
51:25 Embrace Struggle, Support Others
57:58 Books, Lessons, and Learning From Struggles
Text RWH and Let Us Know What You Want to Hear on the Show!
📚Grab the book recommendations from all the guests on the Raising Wild Hearts Podcast Here! 📚
If you feel inspired please consider sharing this episode with a friend, writing a 5⭐️ review or becoming a Raising Wild Hearts Member here!
when there is trauma and we all have traumas. Okay, even if we had a quote and quote normal childhood, we have trauma. Because trauma if something happens that is unexpected, that you feel that you can't deal with emotionally, you can't process. You feel threatened, either emotionally or literally, with your life and you feel isolated. And in examples of parents, you feel that your parent is supposed to be the protector and suddenly is the one doing the thing, whatever it is. This is trauma.
Speaker 2:Welcome, revolutionary Mama, to the Raising Wild Hearts podcast. I'm Ryan Watkin, educator, mom of three, revel at heart and passionate soul, on a mission to empower and inspire you.
Speaker 2:Here we'll explore psychology, spirituality, parenthood and the intersection where they all come together. We'll discover how challenges can be fertile soil for growth and that even in the messy middle of motherhood, we can find magic in the mundane. Join me on my own personal journey as I talk to experts and share resources on education, creativity, self-care, family, culture and more. I believe we can change the world by starting at home, in our own minds and hearts, and that when we do, we'll be passing down the most important legacy there is healing, and so it is. Hello friends, welcome back to the Raising Wild Hearts podcast. Today I'm having another amazing conversation with Muriel Fellows. Oh my gosh. So her story is super inspiring and just really heartfelt. She turned one of her biggest challenges in her life to into gold. Really, she is an alchemist. She is a coach for mothers and a clinical EFT practitioner. If you have not heard of EFT, it's Emotional Freedom Technique, aka Tapping, and we actually do a live Tapping Sesh on the pod, which is really, really cool.
Speaker 2:I had an issue like I think this podcast could be renamed. I've got an issue, I mean, if you haven't figured that out by now, so you know, this is all just, you know, sharing the wisdom with you guys. Like you guys can learn from my mistakes right along with me. I am gracious enough to do that right. So I was having some fear around dropping one of my kiddos off somewhere, and so we talk about that in the session, and it was really, really amazing. I rated my fear or my uncomfortability before we started and it was about a four, and then after it was a zero. It was really a zero. So it was great and you can do it. I'll put a timestamp in the show notes so you can jump right to the Tapping Sesh, cause if you're on a walk or in your car you're not really gonna be able to do it. You need kind of a quiet place to sit down later and do it, so you can jump to that. On the timestamp, if you have not gotten into the Raising Wild Hearts membership, I'll put a link below to do that. You can check it out. It's $10 a month. We're going to do a Lunch and Learn Monthly with me and other experts, and then we're gonna do a Women's Circle Monthly too. So it's an amazing value. Get in the village, witness each other. It's gonna be amazing. I'm so excited to see you guys in there.
Speaker 2:Let me tell you a little bit more about Miriam. So she shares details of her story, which includes one of her children attempting suicide, so if that is a sensitive topic to you, obviously skip this episode today. Also, this you know these conversations are really never for little ears, but obviously this would definitely not be especially not. So you know it's a very sensitive topic. So she tells really you know some details about her story, and some of it can be just a little hard to listen to, and what's so inspiring, though, is how she's overcome the challenge and how she now helps mothers and women do the same thing. So, really, she's helping moms who are dealing with fear, guilt, shame, overwhelm, anxiety or even depression, and she teaches them to co-parent with the universe.
Speaker 2:At one point, I asked her what is co-creating with the universe, and so we dive a little bit into that, and one of the things I love that she talks about is that we need to be thinking and feeling in the match of what we want to be able to co-create with the universe. So we also talk a bit about parenting teenagers. I still think I know that this conversation is still relevant, even with little kids, because me. I think of this time with school-aged kids and a toddler as the foundation for when they're tweens and teens and they start to deal with bigger problems and they start to push away and they're vying for that freedom a little bit more and they're really like individuating. So I'm really looking at now as the foundation for that, to strengthen that connection, so that when things get even harder or even more challenging at times, that we'll have that foundation to always come back to. So it's really relevant.
Speaker 2:We do bring up the book once again by Gordon Neufeld and Dr Gabor Mate called Hold On to your Kids. It is a phenomenal read. I cannot recommend it enough. Check that out. So yeah, let's jump into the interview. I hope you enjoy it and I will talk to you guys soon.
Speaker 2:Thank you, hi, miriel. Welcome to the Raising Wild Hearts podcast. Hi, rianne, I'm very excited to be here. I'm so glad you're here. Yes, you're welcome, thank you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm very excited to talk to you, so in reading your bio, I read that while you were raising teenagers you had kind of a.
Speaker 2:I don't know if you had a child or a child or a child, or a child or a child, because you had kind of a. I don't know if you would call it dark night of the soul or something to that effect.
Speaker 1:I don't know what it was. I always call it a kick in my rear to make me grow A call for healing too, because you know, in any experience there is something to learn. Yes, it was quite painful. Do you want me to give the audience some information about it, or?
Speaker 2:Sure, yeah, I'd love to. I mean, I want to preface it with. I think that our challenges are wonderful opportunities for growth and I also personally resonate with it, because I was a troubled teenager and a teenager who got into trouble but I could just dip my toe in enough where nothing super major was really you know what I mean. So I just resonate so much and I know what I needed as a teenager and the things that I was missing from my childhood. And I think, because I have little kids now, I try to set this foundation, you know, and not to say that it's all about parenting, because who knows, you know, everybody's on their own journey. Your kids are on their own journey, but, yeah, so I'd love to hear, like, how that was for you personally, how that was for them, and then how about how your relationship is with them now too, because you're still a mom your kids are older yes, I still have a 19 year old at home.
Speaker 1:So what it was for me was very, very painful and challenging, because I raised them as a single mom and when you mentioned about looking for something in creating trouble they came from, I would say, like a broken family, because the father was suffering from addiction and of course, that creates challenges for the kids and it creates wounding and it's traumatic, etc. So what happened is that when they became teenagers, I had I have three kids. The first one was type A, straight A, at school, you know. The other two were more adventurous and they skipped on school. They went to explore in parties with drugs and stuff that could have potentially very dangerous they could have died and I started living in a constant state of anxiety, being on alert 24, seven, plus the fact that I had to also protect them from their own father. So there was a lot of me and I didn't realize that. I spiraled into a depression until I found myself thinking like this is too hard, I don't know how to do that, I don't have what it takes, and I was like talking to the universe God, source, whatever you want to call it and saying if you want to take me, just take me. I won't kill myself because I have kids, but I can't. And, of course, the more you repeat something, the more it becomes your reality, both emotionally and vibrationally and on any level. So I found myself really like waking up in the middle of the night in anxiety, with palpitations, et cetera. I asked for help from the universe and I said help me, I don't know what to do.
Speaker 1:And I woke up in the middle of the night one night and I started realizing that I was so self judging that I couldn't even admit that I didn't like my life. I knew it in the background, but I would never tell myself that because to me it meant I don't love my kids. That's the message I received from society, the people around me you have healthy kids, you have everything quote unquote that you should have. Everything is normal. How dare you say that you don't like your life? Some people have kids who are sick. And that night I realized that we can be living paradoxes, like on one side I loved my kids, but on the other side I did it like my life and I started crying because all those tears were stuck. I could never really look at myself and at what was going on. So awareness always being the first step to healing. That was my beginning of healing and I have always been a meditator.
Speaker 1:So I doubled on my meditation. I was doing like an hour in the evening, an hour in the morning. I started using a tool that I was using with my clients, which is emotional freedom technique, or tapping. When I was waking up in the middle of the night in panic attack and anxiety, I was tapping to bring my emotional state and my vibration to a neutral place. I couldn't be positive, but at least neutral, because you cannot get out of an emotional state where you put yourself with your thoughts with another thought. Somehow your nervous system is keeping you hostage, you're in fight or flight and you need to intervene at a body level, and for that tapping is marvelous because it intersects that reaction. So, slowly, slowly, I started bouncing back and I started being shown literally what I needed to do.
Speaker 1:And I woke up and I don't know, my intuition is always the strongest between three and six o'clock in the morning. I woke up and I heard the name co-parenting with the universe and I had chills. I had like my hair stood on my neck. I said okay, okay, I used to coach women on relationships. I said I'm pivoting, moms need help. I'm getting better Now. I'm on the other side of the depression. I must help moms.
Speaker 1:So I trade the mark, the name, immediately, and I started really put down on paper what I had started practicing, which was I used to be a control freak and I wanted to control the safety of my kids, 24 seven, wherever they were. As you know, it's not possible. I wanted to control my kids. We don't control anyone, not even ourselves sometimes. So I had to really realize the first thing that I needed to do is to define my area of power and define my area of powerlessness and stop working on. I was in fear that I would find my kids dead in the street or at a party. So, starting to deal with that fear, going down into it, which can seem counterproductive, but you have to get to the bottom of it If you wanted to stop having such a strong hold on you.
Speaker 1:And I realized that everywhere in my life I had challenges. The tools for dealing with the challenges were provided to me at the moment of the challenge. So I said, okay, I'm going to stop allocating my energy and my thoughts and my inner resources to my zone of powerlessness, and I will surround that to God, of course. I had practices to build the trust and really start believing my own talk, and I'm going to focus on my zone of power, and that's what I did.
Speaker 1:And somehow it's a good thing that I changed my approach to life, because now I apply that to every area of my life where, if I'm not in the right emotion to deal with what's going on, I practice tapping, I make myself, I vibrate at a neutral level. I always describe energy as an elevator, so I go up a floor from despair and hopelessness and I start asking for answers. So it's literally changed my life. It changed my relationship with my kids, and that was the preparation for what came after, which was even more serious. That's how life is magical and beautiful. In that way. It gave me a depression so I could change the way I do life, because after that there was a teen suicidal attempt in my house not in my house, but with one of my kids at their father's house and if I had not changed the way I was doing things, I would have drowned with my kid. I couldn't have helped them go back up, and so that's my story and that's some kind of the journey that I went.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for sharing all of that. So I think one thing that we can all resonate with, whether we want to admit it or not, is that gripping terror of the other shoe dropping. Especially those of us who've had prior trauma, which mostly everybody I can really really deeply resonate with that. My kids are six, eight and one and I still have this need to keep them safe and in many ways that is still my role. But in five years, 10 years, things change quite a bit. So I'm curious as to in retrospect now, your years later, you've done all this healing work. How is your son or daughter who did the suicide?
Speaker 1:attempt. What happened is I realized that it all happened. The trigger he was having some kind of I had a psychologist telling me that he would never be happy. He had an underlying depression. Thank God I knew better and I never accepted that. And when he bounced back from that, it happened because of a toxic relationship that he was having. So we did whatever we needed to do and I realized that he needed a change of scenery, a change of everything. So we moved countries and now he's blossoming. He's not the same person.
Speaker 1:I've never seen him so happy and I knew that because it was in Las Vegas. It wasn't the right place for him. I knew that and it was also. I was done with Las Vegas too, because of the weather, because of all kinds of factors. What was difficult was that I left my daughters because they didn't want to come. They were already. One of them is now 26 and the other one is 22. We left two years ago. They didn't want to come with us. So that was kind of difficult. But I do not regret because when I see my son today and I have his permission to tell his story I would never do it without it I don't regret for a bit. He's a totally different person and where I see progress because he has done some work after that with a therapist and now on himself is in the relationships that I see him having and I saw him react to a relationship that wasn't that healthy last year and he was done with that, said I'm done with this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so one of my favorite books on teenagers in general is Hold On to your Kids.
Speaker 2:Dr Gopor Mata I have it on my table. Me too, and my kids are still little, and I'm like prepping myself emotionally, physically and spiritually for that time when they do have a little more freedom. They're sovereign beings now, but as they grow, they truly have the power of choice. Your daughters, who are 22 and 26, said I'm not moving to a different country. And isn't that a beautiful thing too, even though that might be painful for us. Like they are saying, this is my line, this is where I want to be right.
Speaker 1:And that's how I saw that I did my job as a mom, because I prepared to me. My goal is to prepare them for life, to make them feel loved and to give them the tools. And they're functioning beautifully. They're progressing in their career. One of them is starting to study in college. The other one has done a BA and will go for a master. But they are not only are they blossoming, but they're following their passion and it's such a pleasure to see.
Speaker 2:That's beautiful. I love right now, seeing my kids just like their budding passions. I mean it's still very early for them, but I'm like what will you be interested in? I think it's so fun to give them opportunities and containers to find out what those passions are. I'm very multi-passionate, so I love seeing them get interested in different things. So I want to pivot a little bit and I want to talk about co-creating with the universe. So I think that might be an expression that some of us have heard, but will you break down for us what is co-creation?
Speaker 1:So co-creation. The way I approach it is to make yourself ready, be in the vibration on the energy elevator, be at the level, at the floor at which you want, because I believe in the law of attraction. But before the law of attraction there is the law of frequency. Where are you vibrating? Because if you stop at the floor of fear, you will never encounter or attract the solutions of your problems. So you need to have awareness of how do you feel. If you're not sure about the exact emotion, it doesn't matter. How do you feel in your body? Is it pleasant? Do you feel at peace? And if you're not, use a tool. Are you stopping to free yourself emotionally and to stop feeling better and vibrating higher? And once you're there, you do your part. But you also ask the universe, the field of all potentials, all wisdom. Show me, show me what's the next step is and when you do that, stay super flexible, because we have an idea of how it can look, but you can be surprised. It may look completely different. So do not cross out because it doesn't look the way you would think it does. Be super flexible. Sometimes it requires a thought on our part. Like you mentioned the book you have to read parenting books, you have to learn about the teenager's brain, which is still growing, and they have more problems with impulse control. And my son is a DHD, so that adds another layer of challenges and gifts. So, once you're there, see what comes to you and take action. Refrain from wanting to know the whole path, because you're getting there and it's like stepping on stones or on stairs. You're getting there. Then you're ready for the next step. And one thing that also I call co-creating with the universe is, if you feel that something is right for your kid, go with it, because society has so much information arriving to us now that you can get confused. And the other caution I would put is work on your fear of being judged, because if you're afraid of being judged, you may not be authentic, and both judged by yourself and judged by society, by everyone around you. Work on your fears, work on your childhood wounds, otherwise you're going to bleed them on your kids. And so that's what I call co-creating with the universe Focusing on your zone, on your area of power, and surrender the rest to the universe. There are many exercises to strengthen your trust, but be careful how you vibrate.
Speaker 1:I know that when my son was in a psychiatric hospital after he had tamed. He was there for a week. I was super surprised to see that he didn't bleed my entire day. I would think about it when it was time to either talk to him, because we couldn't go see him every day, I could go see him twice a week. So when it was time to call or to connect with him, I was focusing on that. The rest of the time I was managing my thoughts, because I had thoughts like they are very preventive, they are removing the sheets because in case they can do something with it. I wouldn't think about it when it wasn't time to deal with it. I was just sending him love. Sending him love and seeing him.
Speaker 1:Okay, there is an energy approach. Energy is very powerful. So I wasn't. It didn't drive me nuts. I was super surprised. Another thing that surprised me is when he came back. He had anger issues. So I saw him bump his head in the wall and he owed me. I felt two parts of me that in a split of a second, I felt the need that said oh my God, what is he doing? He is suffering, and the other one is like no, you are not going there, otherwise you can't help him. And it went very fast and I was like no. And there I knew that I was connected with something In my inner wisdom, my higher self, the universe, everything that I had learned until this point was present with me to be able to have the choice of my response and not react.
Speaker 2:Right. So I want to put a pin in this, because we can't show up for our kids or anyone in our life unless we are connected, centered, our whole selves. We're taking care of our minds and our bodies and our spirits, essentially, and that is when you were able to witness some very painful stuff that your son was going through and go okay, this is what we're doing, this is where we are and this is the work that I talk about a lot with, like small kids who have tantrums. This is what we're doing. This is where we are. I'm witnessing my child have a meltdown over a red crayon or a shoelace or whatever it is, and I think that we strengthen that muscle over time and over time and over time we do.
Speaker 1:And our ability to do that is proportional to the work that we do on healing our childhood stuff. Because if we feel, let's say, unloved, we've learned in our childhood I don't know anybody who had perfect parents it doesn't exist. So let's say we felt unloved and you are trying to receive that love that you didn't receive from your kids. It may lead you to react in a certain way. If you feel guilty, if you feel that something is wrong with you, you may be compensating by over giving to your kids or not enforcing boundaries and rules that are strong enough. It's so layered and we're like these cobbles, we have so many facets. So to me, self-care emotional self-care is a priority if you want to be the best parent that you can be and, like you said, it takes time, but you will see the difference.
Speaker 1:I remember when my kids were the age I think the oldest one was the age that your kid is now one of your kids ate. I don't remember what they did, but they did this way and I saw myself reacting like a dragon and I was so mad and I felt unloved and I started yelling and then I stopped myself and said oh, my god, I'm doing what my father was doing, it felt. And when you're disrespected, that means you're not loved. Then therefore, you hurt, then therefore you overreact. I stopped myself in the moment and I said no, no, no, no, no. So if you are staying aware and not, and self-compassionate too, because you've learned that you cannot do otherwise until you learn something new, you will see changes, because that was the last time that I did that in that aspect, because I decided on that day it's not their job to show me that they love me, it's my job to love them, but not the opposite, and I will bring to myself that love that I'm trying to get from them.
Speaker 2:So I think this is a good place to talk about EFT or tapping. Maybe I saw you do this earlier and I learned tapping in FIRE.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I did it then for second major.
Speaker 2:I know I'm always on my collar bones. I don't even do a formal tapping session, I just do this sometimes. It helps me really ground in. And for those of you, well, none of you can see because you're listening to the podcast, but if you take your fingers and you tap your collar bones, that's part of it, that's the best finger. Yeah, I'm going to let you, though, tell us what is EFT Emotional Freedom Technique? What is tapping? We've probably all heard about it a little bit, but we're not quite sure what it is.
Speaker 1:So EFT or tapping, it's a combination of working with the meridians that they use in acupuncture, because what we do is literally acupressure on the meridians in the body and the meridians are like fiber optic in the entire body. But there are certain meridians that you can tap on and that will send a message to your nervous system and to that network in your body to calm down. It literally intercepts the stress response in the brain and to that you mix some element of cognitive behavior therapy and exposure therapy. And what you're doing let's say you have a problem and when you think about that problem let's say your child is not working at school or refuses to do their homework when you think about that, immediately in your body you react with stress or frustration or fear. Those two things are going to get associated. The more you practice that reaction, the more they're going to be connected in your brain on a neuro pathway level. So what you're doing with tapping, you're thinking about the problem and of course it's more complex than that when you work on, let's say, a trauma or something. But you're thinking about your issue, your tapping on your meridians, which sends a signal to your brain you're safe, you can relax, you don't need to react in that way, you're safe. And the more you do it, the more it breaks that neural association in your brain and the more you teach your brain and yourself to react differently and to stay more neutral and centered. Which gives you because when you're under stress your brain doesn't function correctly the frontal cortex, which is the part of the brain, the neural brain, where you analyze, imagine, you strategize, you find solutions it doesn't get the same blood flow as when you're in a calm state. So you're literally depriving yourself from your resourcefulness, your full resourcefulness. So when you're tapping, you're bringing quiet in your body and your nervous system and then you can think about the problem in a more resourceful way. You can change the way you feel and suddenly you're going to have an idea or something is going to come up.
Speaker 1:What I see with the kind of tapping that I do, which is clinical tapping, we go deeper a level. We go on the way you feel and we relate that because everything stems from childhood. We usually react because of beliefs and patterns that were installed in childhood. Not every time, but most of the time. Somehow your brain, when you're quiet, you first start on the problem. I would ask my clients when did you feel that? Or is that feeling in your body, that sensation, is it familiar? And a memory will pop up. And then we're going to work with the childhood event, which is really the source of things, until this is neutral too, and there are several aspects and then you're coming back to your problem. After that, when you're neutral on your childhood event, you'll see that it's not a problem anymore because it dissolved the story of yourself.
Speaker 2:So let's use the homework example. Let's get into the nitty gritty, the logistics of it. So let's say our kid is refusing to do their homework and we're getting all frustrated. And they're getting frustrated and it's like, oh, I hate this. And it's like, oh, this is so far. And we have this thing. Are we sitting down to tap during the thing? Are we tapping while they're doing it? Are we going away thinking about it in our minds, re-bringing that emotion up by the thoughts that we're thinking, and then going through the tapping and then from there going through? When did I feel like this? In childhood? So my mom always said that homework was really important and I didn't like it or whatever it was connected to. From our childhood Is that kind of the string of events?
Speaker 1:So it depends If you have time to tap on it. If it's doable, go and tap on it In the moment, in the moment. Okay, not if you don't, because if you go back to childhood, first of all you need to know that you don't have huge traumas. Because if you have huge traumas in childhood, do not tap alone. You can re-traumatize yourself. Okay, the techniques to approach that. But let's say you had a quote, unquote, normal childhood and you have time to do that. Because it takes at least if you go to childhood. It's going to take at least 40 minutes to an hour if you really go in depth. If you don't have time, just go back another day or another moment.
Speaker 1:But some people have a hard time bringing the emotion back up. So if you want to bring the emotion back up, you go into the details of they don't want to do their homework, where were you in the room, what happened? You bring all the elements. So you and I'm sorry it doesn't feel good but you have to go through that and for people who love to be positive, I do, but you have to go bring attention to the negative so you can like almost skim it, you can dissolve it and you will bring that sensation and that emotion in your body. See, rate it. We can do a demo or, if you want. But yeah, we can pick the example of the homework or we can pick something else. Whatever the audience is speaking, I'm going to call it the homework. But if they have something else, that let's say, their kid is ditching school or doing other stuff, you replace that by your own story, and the more precise you are, the better it is. For the sake of time, we're not going to go into childhood now, but what I'm going to ask from you is to pick a problem that is triggering to you and you can say what it is out loud, if you feel okay with it. Or you can say my problem and we're going to go with that.
Speaker 1:So, connect your body, close your eyes and bring an event or a situation that triggers you and that can be anything, and see that you where you feel it in your body when you're there. So, on a level of zero to 10, zero being, I'm not disturbed at all. 10, it's like it's overwhelming. What number are you at? Four, four. So ideally we talk on things that are a little bit more, but we're going to go with four Okay For people.
Speaker 1:Take note of where you are. Where do you feel it in your body? In my sacral chakra, in your sacral chakra, and do you have an emotion associated with it? Fear, fear. So the people that are listening are going to do the same thing. They can feel it in their throat, they can feel it in their back. It can be frustration, it can be anger, sadness. Whatever you're feeling is the right thing for you, and we're going to start tapping. I'm going to describe the points as we go so that people can follow on audio. So we're going to start with the side of the hand from the pinky to the wrist, there is some flesh. We tap with the other hand and the four fingers of the other hand, and we're going to do what we call a setup statement stating what is three times and there is a reason for that. So let's go with. What title would you give to your problem? Do you want to call it your problem or how do you want to call it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, my problem.
Speaker 1:So, even though I have this problem, so you can repeat after me- Even though I have this problem. And I feel a sensation in my sacral chakra. And there is fear in my body.
Speaker 2:And there is fear in my body.
Speaker 1:I choose to love myself and accept what I feel.
Speaker 2:I choose to love myself and accept what I feel.
Speaker 1:And we're going to repeat that two times, even though there is this fear in my body. Even though there is this fear in my body and this sensation in my sacral chakra the sensation in my sacral chakra because of my problem. I choose to love myself and accept what. I feel, even though I have this problem that is triggering some sensation in my sacral chakra and that is triggering some fear at a level 4 out of 10.
Speaker 2:I choose to love myself and accept what I feel.
Speaker 1:Now we're going to tap on the top of the head, the very top, with four fingers. This problem You're good this problem. Now we're going to tap on the beginning of the eyebrow, on the bridge of the nose. This sensation in my sacral chakra, this sensation in my sacral chakra, now on the corner of the eye on the bone, this fear in my body, this fear in my body Under the eye on the bone, this problem that I have, this problem that I have Under the nose, between nose and mouth, my problem, my problem Under the mouth, on the crease, this fear in my body, this fear in my body Under the collar bone, where you were before, just below it, this sensation in my sacral chakra, this sensation in my sacral chakra.
Speaker 1:Under the arm at the brine line. This reaction to my problem.
Speaker 2:This reaction to my problem and we go back on the top of the head, all this reaction in my body. All this reaction in my body.
Speaker 1:Eyebrow point this. I react this way, but it doesn't really help.
Speaker 2:I react this way, but it doesn't really help.
Speaker 1:Side of the eye. I wonder if I can let it go.
Speaker 2:I wonder if I can let it go. Nope, I don't think I can let it go. Nope, I don't think.
Speaker 1:I can let it go. What if I could let it go, or some of it at least?
Speaker 2:What if I could let it go, or some of it at least?
Speaker 1:Under the mouth. It is safe to let it go. It is safe to let it go Collab bone, or at least a big portion of it, or at least a big portion of it Under the arm. It doesn't help anyway. It doesn't help anyway On the top of the head. I now choose to let some go and as you do that, see or feel that some of it is going is leaving your body. Eyebrow point I see it or feel it leaving my body. I see it or feel it leaving my body.
Speaker 2:Corner of the eye.
Speaker 1:I let go of some of the fear and the sensation in my sacral chakra. I let go of some of the fear and the sensation of my sacral chakra Under the eye.
Speaker 2:it's safe to let it go and I choose to do so.
Speaker 1:It's safe to let it go, and I choose to do so.
Speaker 2:Under the nose.
Speaker 1:As I let it go. I free myself to solve this problem Under the mouth. And I open to the wisdom of the universe and my own wisdom to find ideas and I open to the wisdom of the universe and my own wisdom to find ideas.
Speaker 2:Under the collarbone.
Speaker 1:I let that go and I free myself.
Speaker 2:I let that go and I free myself Under the arm, I feel freer and I'm excited to see what's going to come.
Speaker 1:I feel freer and I'm excited to see what is going to come Now stop tapping. Put your hand on your heart chakra and take a deep breath and let it go and go back to thinking about your problem, like you did before, and see if the level of intensity changed or if the sensation changed or if anything changed. Yeah, I did. Where are you right now? If you had to rate it?
Speaker 2:Like a zero, great terrific, really, yeah, okay, so that's so interesting. So I was picking. I'm going to say what my problem was so we can give the audience some context. So when I was dropping my son off the other day at like preschool, he goes like part time for a little bit. I have this, you know, with my older kids. I would never send them to preschool.
Speaker 2:I was very like mama bear and I was like overcompensating for not like letting them go too much because of the fear that something would happen to them that, like you know, just that would ruin their whole lives, like under this care of these people who really I didn't know.
Speaker 2:And so I dropped him off at preschool the other day and I had this just like sinking oh my God, what if something happened Now out of nowhere? You know, it always feels like out of nowhere and so at the time I just like I loved how you said earlier, you can't solve the problem with another thought, is something along the line of that. And what I was doing is I was just thinking myself of like nothing's wrong, it's totally fine, similar to what we say to toddlers or little kids when they're upset you're fine, you're fine, nothing's wrong, you're okay, you're okay. And so I felt myself like brushing in under the rug until I got busy enough that day where I didn't think about it anymore. And so immediately when we started thinking about that, that sinking feeling came up and I was like, okay, let's use that. And yeah, that was great.
Speaker 1:So what I want to tell the audience is that sometimes what happens when we tap and that was a very short tapping session sometimes the sensation or the emotion is going to go higher because you are focusing on it. That, like you said, you really brush it up under the rug. That's okay. Go back to the tapping session we just did and do it again until you go down to the level that you want you feel it's okay to stop and your story. There is probably something ancient also linked to that. I have a feeling there is yeah, yeah, that's for sure. Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, my childhood started out pretty rocky. Like I was born into a home where my father was an alcoholic, my step sister's mother had died a few years before my mom was very young, Like there were so many different logistics going on and then my mom and dad got a divorce when I was a toddler. So there was that abandonment, that really deep wound of like one of my caregivers is no longer here for me and so I've done so much work around that really I think. But we can't think about it again. So I know that that's where a lot of that stems from. But to know something in our prefrontal cortex logically does not mean to heal something. I can read books and I can listen to podcasts, but when we integrate, so when we do this somatic work like tapping or breathwork or you know, the body work, Kundalini yoga, the work to actually let it go, that's when I found like I get a little bit closer to really letting it go.
Speaker 1:There are two aspects to it. So, like you said, the body. The body stores the trauma, it stores the energy of the trauma until you're ready to release it, and so we do a lot of work on a lot of things, but when we're ready, when there is trauma and we all have traumas okay, even if we had a quote, unquote normal childhood we have trauma. Because trauma if something happens that is unexpected, that you feel that you can't deal with emotionally, you can't process, you feel threatened, either emotionally or literally, with your life, and you feel isolated. And, in examples of parents, you feel that your parent is supposed to be the protector and suddenly is the one doing the thing, whatever it is, this is trauma. If, for example, I have I had a client where her mom, every time she would start singing, she would say shut up, you have, you don't know how to sing it's ugly, it was unexpected, she didn't know how to deal, she felt alone. Suddenly it did traumatize her and we were tapping on something else unrelated, completely unrelated, because the feeling in your body is going to guide you to the event in the past, but it doesn't mean that it's going to be something related to, in your example, daycare or even leaving you at daycare. It may be something completely different.
Speaker 1:And when you're ready that the trauma is encapsulated in the brain and when you're ready the capsule opens and that's when you can start working on the event. For people who have PTSD or very strong trauma, you don't work on the event right away. You work way, way, far away because you don't want to re-traumatize them. So that's why I was saying at the beginning of the show if you know you have something really traumatic in your childhood, do not work on it alone, because you're going to refill what you used to what you felt. The brain learns with repetition. The more you practice something, the more you're going to associate that to the reaction of stress instead of breaking the association.
Speaker 2:Right. So what's a good resource? I mean, is it psychotherapy? Is it a certified EFT coach? What would that resource be for people who maybe do have a really traumatizing, a capital T trauma that they do want to start working on, or maybe that comes up as they peel back the layers of the onion.
Speaker 1:It depends. I mean, you can have psychotherapy in conjunction with tapping. I have some clients like that. I also have worked with clients who were not under the care of a psychotherapist but I never even knew what the trauma was, because we worked on feeling safe, even bringing it into their energy field or into their house, and they felt okay, they didn't want to continue working on it. Okay. I mean, if you go see an EFT practitioner, make sure it's a clinical one, okay, because we have a set of 48 techniques, okay, and some of them are very gentle techniques for people who have trauma, and normally the practitioner, if they see that you have a diagnosis or something, should tell you and refer you also in parallel of them working with you, to a therapist. Okay.
Speaker 2:It depends. I heard something recently that I wish I could attribute it to the proper source, but I'll just say I heard it that a major part, a big part, of healing is the witnessing someone, witnessing you, so doing this work in conjunction with somebody. And that's what came up for me when you were telling us that.
Speaker 1:So that's funny because I always have. I have some friends who are very, very. They can't see. Let's say I'm going to tell them something is making me suffer. They can't see me suffering and they can't witness that. So they're going to try right away to go to the positive and I've seen coaches do that too and to me witness the pain. And even because there is a lot of talk nowadays on not staying in the victim mentality et cetera, but it doesn't mean that you stayed as a victim if you admit that you were victimized. There is a big difference. And for someone to tell you I see you, you know when Avatar I don't know if you've seen it, it's my favorite movie because of that I see you.
Speaker 1:My role as a coach, I find it very sacred. It's to give you a container so I can see you and I can help you and I can acknowledge and recognize that honor your pain, yeah and then work with it. It's a yeah, it's very, it's important. I know that because I'm a coach and I'm a strong person. A lot of people in my life, including some past relationships, when I had problems, they were like, oh, but you're strong, you're gonna overcome it. And that was making me angry Because I still don't really have someone. I have one person in my life where I can go and lay my pain on the table and they're comfortable enough to witness me. Yeah, because it's all about how comfortable we are with our own pain. We can't tolerate other people's pain if we are not comfortable with ours. That's right. And the kids it's super important to let them go through stuff too. Yeah, because they're gonna figure things out and when they come on the other side they come stronger.
Speaker 1:I remember my son once I don't remember maybe six he came to me and he was very disturbed because there was a kid at home at school who called him an idiot and a stupid baby or something. And I told him, yes, that doesn't feel good, it doesn't feel good. And I let him feel that. But I told him that's okay, you're allowed to feel that way. And then we discussed about what if he called you a purple elephant with polka dots? Would it hurt? And he said no. I said you know why he said no. I said because you know you're not an elephant with polka dots. Do you think maybe you're stupid? And then it opened the door to a whole conversation. Unless we have. It resonates with a little bit of truth in us. It doesn't trigger us, yeah. But trying to comfort too fast or trying to I mean, my kids were teenagers. They had boyfriends and girlfriends and we all go through that. We all get slapped in the face at some point by somebody, dumping us or whatever. Yeah, it's life, it's to know what's.
Speaker 1:I interviewed someone and he had a very good description. He was talking about career and kids struggling at school. He said you have an emergency where you need to intervene, like when my son did what he did. I had to go pick him up, I had to intervene and do whatever. But there are other cases where it's like not a red flag, it's a yellow flag. Be there next to them, be there to show them you love them, but let them feel it's important. If you haven't this appointment when you get to be an adult, you're not a fun adult to be around.
Speaker 2:Right, it's true, he was the most decorated boxer amateur boxer in US history. And he said the reason that I'm the most decorated boxer is because I've had the most fights and I've lost the most too. And he said that he actually he told a story about seeing a man in an airport and the man's like, hey, cam, how's it going? And he's like, didn't remember him and he fought him years before and beat him. So he, this guy like who he beat, didn't remember, but the other guy who beat him, he remembered years and years later and that's what taught him the most. And so I think that's really important to remember that the struggle is where the beauty comes from, and to allow ourselves to struggle as parents, as women, as mothers, as spouses, and to witness that in our kids as well. I mean, it's a beautiful gift that we're giving them, even though, just like you said when we started the tapping, even though I'm feeling this feeling that's uncomfortable, I'm gonna sit here with it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I remember when my kids I think they were selling some cookies at school or something like that and they were afraid to go I said you know what, as soon as you can go and get a no, please go get a no, Because then you're gonna see it doesn't kill you. And the more no's you get, the more the stronger you become. I remember I told them, the faster you fail, the better it is. It's the new type of like if she nuts, that's it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, fail fast. I think there's a book, maybe entitled that. That's funny, maybe, I don't know. It sounds familiar. There should be fail fast, I like it. Oh my gosh, miriel, this conversation is so amazing. I'm filled with gratitude for the work that you do and for the wisdom that you're sharing with me and the audience. I'd love to ask you the three questions I ask everybody. But before that, where can we find you, follow you, learn about your work? I think you have a peace guide for parents. Will you tell us a little bit about where to find your work?
Speaker 1:So I have a peace guide. I need to put that back up on my website Right now. What I have on the website is to how to stay calm instead of argue, cause I'm preparing a course about no more arguments. So, it's a tapping session. Okay, that's a good one. Yeah, okay, but if someone wants the peace kit, they can contact me and I can send them the link. That's okay, too Perfect. They can contact me at cooperantingwiththeuniversecom. That's where I have everything.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we'll put that up in the show notes for sure. So what is bringing you joy today? Today?
Speaker 1:Well, my kids, always my cats, because they remind me of not being too serious. I have a tendency to be too serious, too focused on work. So I see them playing and I'm like, oh yeah, yeah, play, don't forget to play. And really, I live in a place where I can go to the beach every weekend. I wanted that when I was in Vegas for years and now I can go to the beach. I love it. Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 2:That's beautiful. What, if anything, are you reading right now?
Speaker 1:Right now I'm reading the book Hold On to your Kids. I'm reading also I'm starting, I just received it the Dynamic Laws of Prayer from Catherine Ponder, ponder or Ponder it's behind. And I'm reading books about the research. I'm tapping always because there is more and more and more research.
Speaker 2:Amazing. And then, who or what have you learned the most from?
Speaker 1:My children because they brought me through. Oh gosh, I hated the experience. I've learned from that and I've learned from I've been contaminated with hepatitis B back in 2017 by someone who disappeared as soon as I told him. He contaminated me. So I had to learn one to not live in anger, forgive myself for maybe not having prudent enough because I didn't know about this disease, I didn't think about it. And here my body when they told me that I would be on meds for the rest of my life. I am not, so I really did a ton of Reiki on myself meditation. I had to once again connect to the universe and really trust that there was a way. So that taught me a lot.
Speaker 1:Right again learning from those struggles.
Speaker 2:That's beautiful. Thank you so much again. It was lovely to speak with you. Thank you, ryan.
Speaker 1:I loved this conversation.
Speaker 2:Thank you.