Adults with Congenital Heart Defects Finding Love

Is it possible to find true love even if you're born with a broken heart? What kind of people are willing to marry a person with a congenital heart defect? What advice do adults with CHDs have for others looking for love?

Transcript

spk_0:   0:00
welcome to another encore presentation of Heart to Heart, with Deanna Today Show is from Season two was episode number eight Adult Survivors Finding Love. I've been very blessed to have met the guests from today's show in person, and I knew I had to have them on the show. The same for Season two was There is hope, and this show is one of my favorites to illuminate that theme. I think all parents hope their Children will grow up and find love, just like they did. What happens when your child is born with a congenital heart defect? Will they be able to find someone to love them for who they are? I want to share a life with them. Today show features two couples, Jenny and Nick, Busta and Lauren and Chris Bednar's I Hope You Enjoy This Encore presentation for Hartmann 2016.

spk_1:   0:42
Welcome to Heart to Heart with Anna, featuring your host Anna Dworsky. Our program is a program designed to empower the CH D or congenital heart defect community. Our program may also help families who have Children who are chronically ill by bringing information and encouragement to you in order to become an advocate for your community. Now here is an ID. Dworsky. Congenital heart Defect professes to empower members of our community with resource is support

spk_2:   1:24
and advocacy information We're living in a special time in history. In the 19 eighties, babies who were born with congenital heart defects especially critical congenital heart defect, which requires surgery in the first days or weeks of life, were not expected to survive childhood, much less to adulthood. Yet today we have two special guests who were born in the 19 eighties and who not only survived their childhood but have also made it to adulthood. And they've even found love. When my son was born in 1994 with hypoplastic left heart syndrome, I was told that only one in four of the Children who survived the Norwood procedure lived to see H five, my tiny support group, before families who all had a baby or trouble. Rachel HS seemed to validate the seriousness of those statistics. Within 18 months, two of the four Children have passed away, one from complications with a heart transplant and the other due to complications with the Fontane procedure. My tiny group, however, has had much better results in the pregnancy has given to us. Instead of only one child in our group making it to adulthood. There are two survivors. In fact, for the first time in history, we actually have more adult with congenital heart defects or PhDs alive, then babies being born with PhDs. This starts gives great hope to those of us who have Children with PhDs. But even almost 20 years ago, I found myself in the waiting room waiting for Alex to survive his first surgery, wondering if he would ever grow up, ride a bike, go to college or find history. Love. He's accomplished all of those goals except for finding a true love. Hence why Today's show is so important because many parents worry that their CHD survivors will not find anyone to love them. I want to show their lives with them simply because they were born with a funky heart. There are survivors out there wondering why anyone would want to get involved with someone with a complex medical history. Today we'll talk to two CHD survivors and their husbands to discover how they found true love. But their greatest fears are, and what advice they would like to impart upon our listening audience to discuss this topic today. Our guests are Lauren and Chris Bed in Arts and Jenny and next Busta. Lauren Denard is 26 years old. She was born with a congenital heart defect called truck husband, atresia and Harper plastic right ventricle, or simply put half a heart. She has had to open heart surgeries that the last one being the Fontana 24 years ago. She is married to an amazing man named Chris with 29 years old. They met by chance through Lawrence Father back in November of 2008. They dated for three years before marrying on December 21st 2011 in the small courthouse ceremony. In the two

spk_0:   3:58
and a

spk_2:   3:58
half years they've been married, they have moved cross country one soon to be twice. They have dealt with many medical issues concerning Lawrence health, Yet their life is full of so many normal couple experiences, too. I feel blessed to have each other. Chris is an amazing husband. Congenital heart defects do not have to stand in the way of true love. Welcome to heart to heart with

spk_0:   4:18
Anna Loren. Hey, Thank you for having

spk_2:   4:21
me again. Well, it's wonderful to have you on the show again. And where those listeners who have been faithful listeners from the beginning This is actually Lawrence, third time on the show. She is one of my expert guests. So I'm happy to have you

spk_0:   4:34
on your tummy, Lauren. When you were

spk_2:   4:37
a little girl, was it always a goal for you to get married?

spk_3:   4:40
Oh, I guess I wouldn't put it. Ah, goal is more a dream. I guess many little girls dream of finding that Prince Charming. I was always hoping that I would get married and start a family. And my parents always told me that it didn't matter if I had a heart defect, that the right person would come around in the I shouldn't ever give up

spk_2:   5:03
well, and they have good cause to tell you not to give up, because look, you've met an amazing man. What was your biggest concern when telling Chris about your heart defect? And when did you tell him?

spk_3:   5:15
Well, oddly enough, I didn't have to tell him. My dad introduced me to him without me being there. So Chris already knew beforehand that I had a heart defect in had had open heart surgeries. I'm not quite sure he understood everything or probably at first comprehended that I was fixed or might have been a thing. Like, you know, people do when they hear about congenital heart defect, you know, made out of like a hole in the harder something like that. But my previous boyfriends, I usually told up front anyone that wanted to date me. I told a friend just because I felt like it would be a waste of their time and my time if they didn't really want someone with health issues or wanted to deal with it. So, yeah, I usually was very upset about it.

spk_2:   6:00
I think it's always good to just lay your cards on the table, definitely. And if you were a V neck shirt, then people will see a scar and they might wonder. So why make them wonder? Quintus will just tell them the

spk_3:   6:13
truth from the beginning. All guy wondered from God when I were a little Custer. I think probably most guys in their twenties, we're probably looking at something else.

spk_2:   6:25
It's entirely possible. Lauren Lauren. All right, How did your parents react when you told them that you were getting

spk_0:   6:33
married.

spk_3:   6:34
My dad had been dating Chris is aunt for quite a long time. He already kind of considered part of the family. And so he was a great guy. And my mom thought he was a great guy. So they knew that we were probably gonna get married. It was kind of growing on that. No, because we wanted to get married before he moved cross country. So I had good health turns, So we kind of speed things up a little bit more like Okay, so we call the courthouse and we're gonna get married December 21st. I'll let you know if you guys come first. He turned and they're like, What? You know, I think they can no hope that we were gonna have a leading leading. They were still very happy for us because they knew you were right for each other. I think it was just the whole wedding thing. That kind of was more of a shock to them.

spk_2:   7:18
But, I mean, it's not like you brought him home and married him in a week. You guys dated for quite a while before you got married, so it probably wasn't a huge surprise, except she didn't

spk_3:   7:28
surprising for them.

spk_2:   7:31
And it seems like they're all perfectly fine with Chris. They're happy that he's part of the family now.

spk_3:   7:37
Oh, absolutely, even my friends are. I mean, they think he takes care of me, and I know it's hard for you. She like you love that position, Thio. But my parents haven't really fully trust him and know that he will do the best for me and my health make me happy. So,

spk_2:   7:54
yeah, that is so important. I'm glad you recognize that that is a parent. It's hard to give up that position in your child's life when you're used to being the one to take them to their doctor's appointments, and you're used to being the one who's responsible for them. Medically, all of a sudden, just hand it off to somebody else is scary.

spk_3:   8:13
No, it was hard for them. I think now they're perfectly comfortable. Have to say that they don't all and ask, and they do it all right. But they definitely trust Chris to be my voice there.

spk_2:   8:24
Yeah, that's so special. What did Bryce would you have for somebody with a congenital heart of that, too wants to get married.

spk_3:   8:33
Oh, I talked to video women. You want to get married, and some of them haven't found anyone yet. And I know polonium can be discouraged. I say, Chris, I stopped looking, to be honest with you. I said, there are There are girls out there that wanna marry us. Just have to keep looking and find the rest. I definitely don't think Don't lose hope. Don't be negative about it. And they will find the right one win because you have going on yourself, okay? With yourself first,

spk_2:   9:03
right. I think that's good advice. Maybe you'll find somebody when you stopped looking and focus on being the best you that you can be. You needed to be the best, Lauren that you could be. So when you found Chris, you were ready? Definitely.

spk_0:   9:18
Can you

spk_2:   9:18
tell us about any plans that you might have for starting a family?

spk_3:   9:23
Yeah, we are hoping once we move down off contestants, we can eventually get a house, and then we want to pursue just station all surrogacy. Just someone carry our biological child. Just so it's not as high risk or risking my house in order to have a child. But we still get a biological child till we get the best, both world, where my house. But I still get that biological connection. And I actually thought about being on and always going to be a mom getting married on my blog's, which is special heart big dreams. I believe it, and I wrote a book that, and it's very raw feeling. But it's an interesting read if everyone wants to, about how the star and why impatiently waiting in order to have that child one day.

spk_2:   10:13
I love your blawg, and I will be putting a link to that on the www dot heart to heart with anna dot com website under bios. So if you look under the tab that those bios you'll be able to see the information about Lauren and then I will have a link to her blog's. You don't have to worry about writing it down. If you're listening to the show, you can just check out the website and then you'll be able to directly go to Lawrence Log and be able to read about some of the things that she's helping and dreaming about it. She even talks about being a little girl and dreaming about getting married and having a family. So it's a very sweet dog there. Anything else that you want to share with our listeners about finding true love? Lauren,

spk_3:   10:53
I declare culprit. Everything, actually never give up. And, uh, don't let me stand away. Just because you have a sec doesn't mean you can't have a normal life experiences. But she's getting married and having a family. So don't ever think you have to give that up because you have a heart condition.

spk_2:   11:08
I picked that excellent advice. You're right. There is. Hope is long as you are doing well. There's no reason why you shouldn't have a relationship with somebody else and enjoy that time with that person, too, because I think we all have something special that we can share with one another. Well, thanks for being on the show born. Now get to your better half assed. They say. Okay,

spk_3:   11:29
Okay. Sounds good. So

spk_0:   11:30
that we're

spk_2:   11:31
going to talk to Chris and ask him a couple questions. Let me tell the audience a little bit about you. Chris is 29 years old, and he works engineer at the well known Intel company. He married Lauren on December 21st 2011 in Southeast Michigan, before moving to Northern California for his Intel job. His number one priority is Lawrence Health, and it's even relocating for her to be closer to better medical care. So welcome to heart to heart with Anna. Chris.

spk_5:   12:00
Thanks for having me.

spk_2:   12:01
Well, I'm happy to have you, and I know that you are a little bit shy, so I'm not gonna put you on this spot too much. We'll just have a little conversation here. Can you tell me what you thought when you found out that Lauren had a heart defect and had had open heart surgery?

spk_5:   12:20
Uh, first Curious, I guess. There's an engineer, maybe a student. What does it mean? You have that congenital heart

spk_3:   12:27
disease? Um, I had no family members or friends at a HD, so I really had no idea what that meant. You know the back of my mind, you know, for the worst for her, But she looks so healthy and pumping energy just like any other student. So somebody my age I don't think it's gonna be too bad. But after reading up on it a little bit before I met Lauren, actually Googled it rising out exactly. That means I didn't really get a good understanding of it until I really got a chance to nowhere on what kind of complications she can have from that. So, so first a little ready for her. But the same time, you know, the medical community for across the board is so much better over the last 20 years that nothing's impossible taken. Medical discoveries are made every day. I

spk_2:   13:19
know it really is quite amazing. My son will be 20 next month, and I feel like I have just been watching the whole congenital heart defect world explode. There are so many new discoveries, Amara, new drugs and there are procedures. It really is quite amazing trying to keep up with it. And there is a lot of hope for Children who are born today and even for people like Lauren and Alex, who are quote unquote old survivors. But I'm so impressed that you actually looked up information on the Internet about congenital heart defect before you even went on a date with Lauren. That's pretty amazing

spk_3:   13:57
Well, I'd like to understand things. Anytime I Here's something I'm not familiar with. I'm always curious. So I was going to, you know, meet this person and talk to them, help them out. It was important for me, Understand? A little bit about

spk_5:   14:11
you know, where they're coming from our past. So

spk_3:   14:15
yeah, but I have a bit of a curiosity, but same time, I, like, be able to relate to that

spk_5:   14:20
person before I talk to them coming into the first time. Actually,

spk_3:   14:24
you're meeting someone from, from my perspective, being a shy

spk_5:   14:27
person, a little nervous. So the more now you have the marches, the more you can talk about. The more you can relate,

spk_2:   14:34
right? Knowledge is power. I agree with that 100%. So then you've got no Lauren and and

spk_0:   14:41
one of

spk_2:   14:41
the things that we didn't really talk about much Lauren and I on the air, but she and I have talked about before is that the two

spk_0:   14:47
of you went to the same college dead world. She said your

spk_2:   14:54
pets probably never would have crossed on campus because you were in the engineering building and she was in the psychology department

spk_5:   15:02
Yeah, uh, different sides of Kansas. So, um, although it's entirely possible, I could walk to Koster not knowing this. There's a lot of students at that school. Right? But know what? When I first saw her, I never met her. Ironically, I have taken psychology courses. Two at school. I took in a different time. We both going to the same school. I think it's a pretty common school to go. Do you know, with the University of Michigan Dearborn, where we're from? That was a tree common university to go to outside of the University of Michigan and over.

spk_2:   15:36
Mmm. Well, you got to know Lauren for quite a while before you popped the question. It sounds like So what was your biggest fear and actually deciding to get married? Lorne,

spk_5:   15:48
Um, my biggest fear is would I be successful enough to support her? You know, I it's not cheap, but it's very expensive now. And she is going to need another open heart sometime. At least one, if not more so, um, it's very expensive. So concerned about being a lot of kids, you know, her graduating school has a fear in the back of their mind. you know, can I get a job in this marketplace economy? Can I be able to have enough? You know, good enough insurance to help you get through this. Now, how is this from having family or heaven help? Police in crept up on my mind. I was mostly concerned about her, but I think time, um you know, I loved her like someone to take care of her. And and And I wanted it. And I thought I felt like I could I could provide that for her. So? So on top of the emotional, you know, attraction and way knew each other. We're very compatible people. So that wasn't the question at all. It was just, you know, every if you had a TTY checklist. The only what I was concerned about was supporter financially, and so far, so good. I think I've been pretty fortunate where a lot of college students are really struggling right now.

spk_2:   17:12
You're right. There were so many students who graduate from college and they can't get a job and end up having to move back home with their parents and work a job unrelated to the field. They got a degree in and that has been the case for you. And in fact, you've made extraordinary efforts to C two Lawrence care, even flying her out of state so that she could seek medical care in another state. Isn't that true?

spk_5:   17:39
Yeah. So, um, we kind of learned a little bit on by we starting from Ann Arbor. I'll actually started from, you know, from Universe, our Children's Hospital, Michigan and in Detroit. And we went Thio University, Michigan, Ann Arbor. Then we pull out Stanford, and we weren't sure what to do from there as far as the best. Um, you know, it's where I'm living right now. And we knew that second, I was gonna have enough care. So we're hoping Stanford would be good enough. And then we also were flying to Atlanta, Georgia. Then we found finally Houston. How so? Her health number one. I mean, I want her to live here in long, very long time. I don't want to take risks. Um, and I think you do preventive maintenance wise. You've got to do it. Unfortunately, teach the world. It seems like there's a few extra out there that you can really trust, so we'll do whatever it takes to get that medical care for her.

spk_2:   18:39
I love it that you have been so open to sending her wherever she needs to go so that she feels comfortable with the care that she is receiving. You're right. Even though the adult population is growing practically exponentially, the number of professionals working with are adults is not. I don't think they can keep up with the number of adults that are joining their ranks. And so there are a limited number of places where especially kids with a Fontane heart or young adults with the Fontana heart can go to see the kind of care that you want them to receive, where there is a large in a population that you know that the doctors are not seeing something for the very first time. But these are things that they've seen before, and they have experience with it so they won't freak out if something happens. So I think that you've done an excellent job in being a terrific advocate for Lauren and being so supportive of her. So thank you, Chris, and especially thank you for coming to Texas because I can't wait to meet the two of you.

spk_5:   19:40
I really feel for them. There's a lot of hospitals that that will take care of any adults. Some of them are just some of them. They're just not, you know, they're not the experts in the field. They're very new to the field. And we didn't feel comfortable with some of the doctors that we met. So very comfortable in Houston. No, really, really pays off. I think you do your homework.

spk_2:   20:00
Oh, I think so, too. I think so, too. So

spk_0:   20:02
there you

spk_2:   20:03
have several years of experience and getting to know Lauren and now being married for a couple of years. So what advice would you give to someone else who's planning on marrying somebody with a congenital heart defect?

spk_5:   20:16
I would see, especially, I think people learn from from the experience. Unfortunately, you don't know a whole lot of other people eat this whole about opportunities. Don't learn, but what I've learned a lot of just time the right places to build your career around, which is very inconvenient for a lot of people, like taking away from family, particularly from friends. But, you know, just be ready for change to be ready to move. You know, if you have to move away from where your family. Don't be afraid of that. So do your homework. There's some hospitals are better than others for whatever your you know, your your rifle are husband will have. So, um, you got to be a partner in this. You got to embrace that just as much as they do. Um, you can't just try to live in ignorance in the marriage, not in the night. Good for your spouse.

spk_2:   21:01
That's excellent advice. I really love that to be ready for change. I think that's true. No matter if you're married to someone who's a congenital heart defect, survivor or not, things happen. And you you always have to be ready to change and to move to do what's best for the whole relationship. I can tell you are good student because you like to talk about doing your homework, and I think that's true for most things in life to you being prepared. I don't know if you were a Boy Scout, but both my boys were, and that's one of the key element is to do your homework. To be prepared, be ready and to be a good partner and embrace your partner. I love that. Because that's what all married couples should do. They should embrace each other. We all have unique qualities. We all have times that we go through that are hard times and we have to meet each other halfway. And sometimes you're going 80% of the way and they're only going 20%. And then it is a reverse it other time. So that's what makes a marriage last. My husband and I just celebrated our 28th wedding anniversary live regulations. Thank you. So I think they're married. Almost as long as you guys have been alive.

spk_0:   22:11
Better. Terrible.

spk_2:   22:12
Someday this will be you and you all will have a nice long marriage to it. Looks like you're on the right track and I think your best, very special people. So I want to thank you both for coming on the show and for sharing with us. I know Chris isn't the kind of thing that you normally do. So I really appreciate you coming on and talking with me today. No problem. Thank you. Now we'll take a quick commercial break, but don't leave because coming up we have another couple who will tell us about finding love and find out how one of the oldest hypoplastic left heart syndrome survivors found love and what new activity her husband has started. That just might change the way the world views married CHD survivors. When we return to heart to heart,

spk_1:   22:57
Dworsky has written several books to empower the Congenital Heart Defect or C H D community. These books could be found at amazon dot com or at our website, www dot baby hearts press dot com. Her best seller is The Heart of a Mother, an anthology of stories written by Women for Women in the CHD community. Ana's other books, My Brother Needs an Operation, The Heart of a Father and Hypo Plastic Left Heart Syndrome. A Handbook for Parents will help you understand that you are not alone. Visit baby hearts press dot com to find out more.

spk_2:   23:34
Welcome back to our show Heart to Heart with Anna the Chauffeur, the congenital heart defect community. Today we're talking with H R H of Survivor Lauren Bednarz and her husband, Chris, as well as a Chill HS survivor, Jenny Busta and her husband, Nick, about finding love and being married. We just finished talking with Lauren about how she told her has been about her heart defect. Well, actually, how her dad told her husband our future plans for her family and how her family reacted when she told them she was getting married. We also talk to Chris about his biggest fear and getting married and what advice he would give to someone else planning on marrying a congenital heart defect survivor. Now

spk_0:   24:10
we will

spk_2:   24:10
turn our attention to Jenny and Nick. Busta Jenny Booster was born in 1985 with hypoplastic left heart syndrome, or H L a chest. She had the normal procedure at one day of age and the fund hand procedure at 17 months of age. She received a pacemaker when she was three years old and has had numerous pacemaker replacement and heart catherization since then. She's happily married to Nick Busta, whom she met in an America Online chat room when they were just 14 years old. They were wed seven years later in Oxnard, California and will be celebrating their seven year anniversary on July 14th 2014. Thank you for coming on heart to heart with Anna. Jenny. I'm so glad to be here. And I thank you for having me. Well, I remember you and I doing an ale chat ourselves when you were in high school, and I remember you telling me about Nick and how sweet he waas When did you know he was the one? Well, um, thinking back back then, uh, we I are you like some certain things that he would do go thing like he gave me. Ah, a promise ring just a few months after we had met. But coming out really sticks out in my mind is the story that I wanted to tell in it. We were celebrating our one year anniversary of Davy and we went out to a nice Italian restaurant. And then we took a short walk to this part, and even though we called our park and I was talking to him about how I would get believe and how much damage that was, protect me and how guys would just be walking down the hallway and when they would go past me, they would say, Oh, you're ugly and they would just keep walking. And so I was telling Nick this. And then we stopped at there was a basketball court in the park and he said, Okay, hold on. Right here. Inside his way that he walked away just a little bit. And then he started walking toward me again. And he was kind of returning like he was one of those boys. Look in your friends. And then when he came back to me hey said, you're beautiful, Um, a bit of your ugly. And so that's the moment when I knew he was the one for me. Oh, I had such

spk_0:   26:35
a sweet story. Well, he really

spk_2:   26:39
listened and tuned in Thio What? It was that Yes, what had hurt your heart so deeply And he found a way, and it was very simple and yet so profound for him. Thio. But they they were wrong and that she saw how beautiful you were. Thank you.

spk_0:   27:02
You have been so class finding him, But you both have been

spk_2:   27:06
blessed with having really good health for most of your life. But I'm sure that you have some upcoming procedures. We just heard Chris talk about Lauren probably meeting procedures in her future. And I know that can be worrisome for any family. How do you and Nick deal with those issues?

spk_0:   27:23
He'll give you an

spk_2:   27:24
example. Recently, Um, I thought that I was gonna hate to going for a pacemaker replacement. Um, and a lead changed, and I've never had my lead chase other than when they put him in when I was three years old. So I know it's a more invasive surgery, and

spk_3:   27:44
so I was, you know, a little scared

spk_2:   27:46
about that. But we ended up holding off on the surgery, because for now, because the laser is still looking good, going strong in the battery as well. And my pacemaker is suddenly Well, um, but regards Thio. How we deal with that is, um, our faith in Christ and, um, just they're coming on him and entrusting that he knows it's dust and whatever comes our way, you know, that's how we look at these. Um, it says, uh, flipping for. Be anxious for nothing. And so we really try and uphold that turbine the best of our abilities. So that's how we do it. You're very open about that on the video blog's that Nick has started. And I love how the two of you Come on together and you talk about some of these issues, so we'll be talking more with Nick about his video block. But this is something that actually both the engine you're doing and there will be a link to that on the heart to heart with Anna website. So I went and watched every single episode. There are only four episodes so far that it's been very interesting to see what topics you wanna have chosen to talk about. And at the very beginning, you're just introduced in the whole concept and we're getting to know Nick and Jenny. But I think you have, ah, lot of material that you can go over. So I'm really happy that we kind of are able to debut it on this radio show And yeah and people and go learn here by looking at good video block, which I think is really cool. I feel lucky that I got in at the very beginning. You didn't have to spend hours and hours watching it. And if that is funny because you told me about it, I guess last week and I watched the 1st 3 and then I went to check on it right before writing my script, and I saw that there was another episode up and I love it that the video blog's pretty short. I don't think any of them are more than 10 minutes, so it's a 19 sneak peek, and it's not too overwhelming. What? What is your biggest concern as a married woman? Now, um,

spk_0:   30:00
well oh, probably

spk_2:   30:03
be like, um, I just Am I being the best wife I could be with my abilities, too. Um, do what God has called me to do as Nick's life. And, um, I mean, there are some days, right. It's still so discouraged because I feel like I can't get out of bed. I'm really weak and I just need rest.

spk_3:   30:26
It's a bummer, because I wanna have more energy and it gets frustrating at

spk_2:   30:30
times, but sometimes you just got a brilliant and just take a little rest. You feel better. But just that moment it's like you wanna be your best, and you can't be because your physical limitations. So that would probably be my main concern. Being a good wife to Nick and, um, doing what God has called you to do as his wife and I. I embrace it, and, um, I am so happy to be able to do that. And so

spk_3:   31:00
I want to do it to the best of my

spk_2:   31:01
ability. It's beautiful. I love that, and really everybody should be concerned that they're being the best person that can be for their spouse. And that's one of the ways that we that we have a loving relationship, because if you're only thinking about yourself and what you are doing for yourself, the world is pretty small. You really need to be thinking about others. And that brings me to my next question. You

spk_0:   31:28
and Nick have already

spk_2:   31:29
been married for seven years, and there were no tomorrow e no use tomorrow. That's so exciting. But you have no Children yet, and I'm wondering, Are you planning on having Children or do you have furry Children? Do you have somebody held in your life that fills you up in regards having kids? Nick and I have decided that we do not plan on having Children because of all the risk that it takes. We don't feel empty without kids, and we're really happy. Just the two of us actually we do have a furry little daughter, Luna. Um, so, um, she's a little kitty, and

spk_3:   32:10
we appreciate having her around. You will take care of her. And so but, um, in regards to

spk_0:   32:16
human killed in, um, I mean, it could

spk_2:   32:20
change, but right now, like, we just don't see us being mom and dad. I mean, we're really happy with what we're doing. And, um, I you're gonna talk to Nick later, but, um, he's a teacher. And so I just feel like God is

spk_3:   32:40
really I hope that in that way, like in a way, Nick looks like like, you know, there is good, because in a way, you know, he's with them a lot on

spk_2:   32:50
his job. And so in the meat being evolved a congenital heart disease community and reaching out to families, that's what I do. And in a way I feel like I want to be there for those kids. And so if I have my own case, I wouldn't be able to do

spk_3:   33:06
that. So we're both happy with where we are

spk_2:   33:09
in their life right now. Like I thought it could change, you know, and God could have a different plan than what we have, and we're more than open to that. So well, it's speaking as a teacher myself. Like Nick, I was a teacher in the public. Oh, he's in a private school. I taught in the public school, and yes, I felt like all of my students were my Children. And in fact, after school I would go get my little furry child, Casey, who's a little toy poodle, and I would pick her up and take her back to the school because I taught at a residential school and the Children were not allowed to have pets so I would ground me back. And I was a teacher of the deaf and hard of hearing, and Casey knew sign language commands so she could sit and bark and be and how, my goodness, all my students just loved Casey. She got so much loving when I took her to the football games into some of the other games. And it is amazing how, as a teacher, you do embrace your students and they do become like an extended part of your family. And personally, since I've met you and Nick at a congenital heart defect event, I can attest to the fact that you are an inspiration to probably thousands of people across the world. And what you do really does make a difference. Jenny. Well, thank you so much. I really, really appreciate that. Well, you meant so much to me when I met you online and your mother wrote for my book The heart of a mother and your dad would provide the heart of a father. I feel like your family's part of my family. And I remember watching you. Yeah, I remember watching you grow up, and I remember thinking, Yes, Jenny can make it. Jenny's healthy. Jenny is doing all the things that I hope Alex will do some day. And you gave me so much hope that my little boy would grow up and be able to go to high school and have friends fall in love because I was watching you do all of this. So since you two have the same heart defect, you really did give me so much hope in inspiration. Thank you. Truly means a lot to me. Oh, I'm sure a lot of people feel that way. You have done so much and I don't even have any questions about movie that you were in. But we really do need to make sure that we put the link to the movie that she were into, because I know that you touched people with the movie that she weren't so There's been so many ways that you have touched families. Let's talk about mixed logro quick because I better have a minute. I'll be talking to him about two more that you don't you join him on that project? Well, um, I just felt that, you know, I know Nick can say a lot of good things, a lot of helpful things to help spouses who are married with two a congenital heart disease patients. But as the congenital heart disease patient, I felt that I could be a help to, um and just to be able to help relate and to get our message out there like, yeah, marriages is amazing. I mean, all these awesome words, but it's also work. And, um, I mean that I mean, that's very possible, but you know it, um and so, yeah, I just felt like I wanted to help out, and, um, and that we can do it as a team because of how Nick and I work. And so I'm really glad that he's open to having me on the bog and that we can hopefully help out HD couples, you know, worldwide. We heard from somebody in the UK so that was really exciting. Um, so yeah, that's it. Really. I have to tell you, this is kind of almost before my time, so I know it's definitely before your time. But there was a very famous comedian comedic couple known as Gracey and George Burns, and they used to do television together. Sometimes they did radio together sometimes, and you reminded me of them. It was a couple who is very much in love, and Gracie was just always so silly. And you've been so silly. Att. The beginning of some of the videos that I thought, Oh, Michael, she reminds me of Gracie Burns. So if you

spk_0:   37:33
ever get a

spk_2:   37:34
chance to look up George and Gracie Burns, you should look them up because you're like a modern version of that couple today. I have one question for you. Yeah, you should. I'll have to see if I can find any. And if I cannot send you the link. I have one

spk_0:   37:49
more question for you, and then I

spk_2:   37:50
get to talk to Nick. What is your best advice for finding true love? If you were born with a congenital heart defect, I would say just always be honest. Um, because when you're honest and upfront with them about your condition, um and whether they take it good or bad, whoever the person is, it doesn't matter, You know, a friendship or a marriage, you know, like it kind of kind of same thing is, oh, the people who take it well and who want to be there for you and who love you are going to stick. So, um, when you're not on this in the front with, um the left showing that you're scared or your shame of your condition, you should never be You're saying And so why is to be honest and to, um, do you ever I think that you don't deserve love because I remember even, you know, when we were dating, we dated for a long time. Before we got married, I was scared that I was going to die young, and, um, I would push away, Nick. Um, not that I wanted him to leave, but I just felt like if I was going to die young I never wanted to put anybody through that. And so, um yeah, don't do that because you deserve love. And you just left anybody. I couldn't say it better. Exactly. All deserve love. We all deserve love. And you shouldn't think that your heart defect in some way disqualifies you from deserving love. I love that, Jenny. That's right. Thank you so much

spk_0:   39:41
for being on the show. Let me

spk_2:   39:42
talk to your husband now, and we'll be back in the third segment. Okay? Okay. Bye. Bye. Miss Brewster is a middle school teacher at a private Christian school. An avid endurance athlete, he is a two time Iron Man triathlon finisher. He married Jenny on July 14th 2007 in Oxnard, California. In his spare time, he started a video blogging titled Loving a Broken Heart, which he hopes will provide support and encouragement for spouses of PhD warriors. Welcome to heart to heart with an IQ. Thank you.

spk_4:   40:18
And I have the pleasure to talk to you again.

spk_2:   40:20
Oh, it's always an honor to talk to you. Nick and I have so enjoyed watching your blawg.

spk_4:   40:28
Well, thank you very, very much. I appreciate that.

spk_0:   40:31
I was a little

spk_2:   40:31
surprised at how candid you and Jenny were. So let's talk about one of the questions that you said you are most often asked, You said, You're often asked, What do you think about the possibility of Jenny dying and in your blog's? You took a very spiritually approach to answering that question, but I'm wondering, how do you think that people who don't have that strong, spiritually background can come to grips with a question like that regarding someone they love?

spk_4:   41:00
You know, and that's that's a great question. And it's really difficult question for me to answer just because my faith in Christ, which I do talk about it in the video Blawg it is. It's what I know it. It's all of me to put it one way. I think there's a lot of people have this misconception that being spiritually or having religion, depending on how people say it or think it, it's considered a tool. So you know it works, but you're still the primary one in control, and you have other tools at your disposal that can help you cope. But my faith in Christ, it's not a tulip. It's everything. And it's what directs how I talk, how I think, how I pray, how I reach out to other people, how I consider Jenny's heart condition. And so what I would say, the people who don't who don't I guess you applied to have it from a spiritual background. I would say to, You know, really considerate. Think about it because it's in this world where so much can happen. So much hurt in the Lord. That really is comfort and strength in his word. So but go back to your first question, which was how I coped. It's a difficult question for anyone to answer, but I have come to peace with it with the idea with the truth that, um, I'm not gone. It's not in my control. And so if it's, um load will that he go home, she gets to go to a place where there's no our conditions where she's an absolute paradise with her creator. And as painful as it will be to see her go, um, I know that she'll be much better taking care of than anything I could D'oh! And also I'll get to see you again. It won't be a goodbye. It'll be a I'll see you later. Well, don't forget beginning there.

spk_2:   43:08
Yeah, well, and I like what you said in your video blog's, which was We have no guarantees any of us. Yes, there's a possibility Jenny could pass away first. But there's also the possibility you could pass away first.

spk_0:   43:21
There are no

spk_2:   43:21
guarantees for anyone. And so what? You have to do this live each day to the fullest and in your video. Blogging did a really nice job of explaining how your faith has helped you come to that sense of peace. I really loved watching you talk about that and to express your feelings. I was just curious how you felt somebody who didn't have so much faith how they could deal with something like that because, like you said, your faith seems to be almost like the pattern of your life. You know, the pattern of who you are that allows you to accept all of this. But I know that some people don't have that, and I think that maybe it's a little bit harder for them to come to that sense of peace. If they don't have that reassurance that, yes, they will see their loved one again. And somebody else who's greater than they are is really in control. We aren't in control. We aren't. Control is a misnomer. Really? Absolutely, Absolutely. First, it looked like you were going to do the blogger lounge, and

spk_0:   44:30
then you

spk_2:   44:30
decided to do the block with Jenny. Sometimes. Sometimes you don't. What do you think is the benefit of having both of you doing the block together?

spk_4:   44:39
Oh, man, I I absolutely love it. When Jenny first rejected, well, maybe I can come on. I was like, That's a fantastic idea when you think about it. I mean, when I first started the video, glad you could see in the first video. You know, I keep saying I I you know what? I'll be doing it alone. But then in the second video, Kenny comes along and what I am still appreciative of is the idea that not only can you get the perspective, I was the spouse through me, but you can get the perspective of the patient. And so now It's not just something for spouses. Tow watch Miss Reno, so to speak. But now it's encouraging to think that the couple will watch and not just married couples. It could be people who are engaged. You can meet couples who are seriously dating in are considering, you know, whether marriage is in their future. They can see what's going happen from both sides. And like what Jenny mentioned earlier is that you know, we're a team, and I think I could have, you know, done okay, you know, with the block. But having Jenny by my side, it it really I think it brings a video blogger upto a whole new level and tell you the truth, I feel much more comfortable with my wife right beside me. So it helped me to be a more relaxed to just knowing that my best friend is right there to help me out. And for me to help her out.

spk_2:   46:00
I thought it had a nice sense of balance. And there was one episode where you were talking about the possibility of Jenny passing away, and she wasn't there then and it was appropriate for her not to be there. Then so I can see where you might want to discuss some issues. Where would be more appropriate for you to be alone and or possibly even more appropriate for Jenny to be alone and you're the one running the camera. But as a whole, I think the whole concept of the video blogger you are a team, and each of you have the special perspective that you can contribute really makes a very nice contribution to the congenital heart defect world.

spk_4:   46:37
I'm glad I came across that way, and that's exactly what we're going for. So thank you.

spk_2:   46:42
You're welcome. It's been a joy. I'll be tuning in. Trust me, I will be tuning in. You've been married for almost seven years. That's just hard for me to believe that it's been almost seven, and it's just

spk_0:   46:56
been you and

spk_2:   46:56
Jenny. Although I did find out about Luna just a minute ago, what do you think about the possibility of the two of you ever having Children? I talked to Jenny and she talked about how your school Children are like your Children, like an extended part of the family. But what is your feeling about possibly having Children in your future. You

spk_4:   47:16
know, I'm glad you asked Anna. And you know, we've spoken about this a lot throughout our marriage, not just at the beginning or before we were married, but throughout. And I can tell you I know what all certainty Jenny would be a phenomenal mother. And, um, I think I would be Ah, Father, Um, let's see how that goes. But

spk_0:   47:38
you would be. You were such a little person. You

spk_4:   47:43
well, thank you very much. I think it will be a great team. But, you know, as she mentioned, we have spoken about it extensively. And while at this time we are very comfortable comfortable with things just Jenny and meet for the reasons that we were looking up before It gives us the flexibility for us to be able to travel for the way to meet with hard families for both of us to go there and to connect with them and get support in whatever way we can it because the time to really just be there for each other to be the husband and wife that our lord commands us to be that we do joyfully. But at the same time, we also know that our plans are we know from experience that our plans aren't necessarily the Lord's plans. And so, um, there is always a possibility that Jenny um either, uh, may become pregnant or that we might adopt down the line. We don't know it's all up to the Lord, but we will. Whatever the future holds, we will take it knowing that that were in his hands. And so it would be the adventure one way or another.

spk_2:   49:00
Oh, trust me, being a parent is an adventure, that's for sure. I believe it. When Alex was identified with a chill a chest and I was talking to the doctors, they were telling me that Well, it's a good thing he's a boy because you don't have to worry about him getting pregnant, that it was something that girls couldn't do. But over the last several years, we've actually seen in the literature that there are some women who were born with hypoplastic left heart syndrome, who have been ableto have Children. So absolutely, But the future is uncertain right now because medical developments are happening so fast. It's really hard to keep up with it. But I'm glad that you're open because you two would be such wonderful parents. And I can see where I'm glad you have Luna, but I would love to see you two have your own special child. And I know that you're very, very close to Jenny's family, which lives very close physically to you. Yes. And I'm glad that you have that because the love just oozes out of the two of you when this together. It's just so apparent how much you care for each other. And you're the kind of people who should be parents.

spk_4:   50:11
Well, coming from the mother, we really appreciate the kind words. Thank you.

spk_2:   50:17
Well, it's been my pleasure to meet you, and I hope we get a chance to see each other again in the future. So I am so curious with this block of yours, what topics you're going to be addressing in the futures. Can you give us a few teasers of things that we can expect in the future?

spk_4:   50:34
Certainly. You know, we do keep it a little open ended in that we love to answer any questions or respond to any comments that people post either on our actual website, which thank you again for posting a link to your podcast, but also on the comment section of the YouTube videos. So we leave it open for that, but we've also talked about I wanted to open things up more so that instead of it's just Jenny and me talking we want to provide opportunities for other stops is both that we know that once that we may not have had the pleasure of getting to know to get a chime in and let us know deck cake the whole time is of the of the ball. With that, perhaps someone who was more creative or more technologically inclined would be able to pick it up and run with it and be able to do huge, amazing things with the community. So, um, you know, we leave it up Thio starting something for the community to take ahold of and responses, to be ableto to just say, Let's talk about this and let's have ah conversation. So whatever they want to do, whatever they want to talk about, let's do it.

spk_2:   51:44
I have a feeling it will be hugely successful, and I hope that you did get some other people on your show. I think it adds a great variety to have a show where you have lots of guests. This year would be so boring if it was just me talking. What I love about doing the radio show is that I'm constantly talking to new people, and sometimes I'm talking to old friends like I am tonight, and it just makes me feel so good when I'm then I always feel like I've learned something new. I always feel like we've shared something that can empower the heart community or uplift the heart community. And I got the same feeling when I was watching your video Blawg that your purpose for doing it was to lift up the heart community. So once again, let me commend you for your video blogging, and I will be checking it out periodically. Tell me when you add something new. I think it's a really beautiful idea to share with each other. Not not everybody's open to sharing like that. It's a very personal, but I think the fact that you and Jenny are willing to share might help others to share their fears or concerns or their joys. And when you share a joy. It's multiplied. And when you share sorrow, our fears, they're divided. So by doing it with friends in a safe place, it helps to draw the whole community together

spk_4:   53:03
Very well put. Thank you very much for saying that, Anna,

spk_2:   53:06
but thank you so much for coming on the show. And you too, Jenny. Thank you for sharing your opinions and your experience with us. Now we have one more commercial break, but don't go far. Stay tuned. Because we still have the question and answer portion of our show. Although we're running out of time, we're not gonna have much time. But we will be able to take maybe one or 22 questions. Stay tuned after the commercial break and we'll have all of us in the studio together.

spk_1:   53:33
Hannah Dworsky has spoken around the world that congenital heart defect events, and she is available as a key note or guest speaker for your event. Go to heart to heart with anna dot com to learn more about booking Anna for your event. You can also find out more about the radio program. Keep up to date with CHD Resource is that information about advocacy groups as well as read Ana's weakly log. Anna wants you to stay well connected and participate in the CHP community. Visit heart to Heart with anna dot com today

spk_2:   54:07
back to our community today we're talking with H. R. H has Survivor, Morbid Nards and her husband, Chris, as well as Angel HS survivor Jenny Busta and her husband, Nick, about finding love and being married. We talked with Lauren about her dad, who told her husband about her heart defect and her future plans for her family and how her family reacted when she told them that she was getting married. We also talked with Chris about his biggest fear and getting married and what advice he would give to someone else planning on marrying I congenital heart defect survivor. Then we just talked with Jenny about how she and knicker dealing with upcoming medical issues and her plans for her future with Nick. And we talked to Nick about his video blog's Loving a Broken Heart. It's on YouTube. The link will be on the heart to heart with Anna website under the BIOS sections that please make sure you check it out, and I just want to thank them so much. I want to thank all four of you for coming on the show. You were all sensational, and I I feel like I always learn something new when I talkto awful reviews. So thank you for coming on heart to heart with Diana. Thank you. I wish we were all looking at each other in the studio because I would feel kind of awkward when I put everyone in the studio. Nobody knows when you talk, but you guys just did. Okay, I know you. You'll have just given me so much hope, because when Alex was born and they were giving me such a dismal odds of him surviving, there was an eight hour surgery that Norwood procedure feels like it goes on forever and ever. And you're left in that waiting room wondering and planning. And I was wondering if Alex would be able to grow up and talking to you and seeing how you live such a normal, healthy, happy lives gives me so much hope for my own son and so many of my other friends who have Children with heart defects. Thanks again to all four of you for coming on the show. Look over, Hunter. Thank you. Well, we only have a couple minutes. So I did have a couple people who posted some impressions on the Facebook of them page that I have created. And the biggest complaint comment, private message that I got was from other congenital heart defects survivors saying that they wondered where you could find somebody who really understood their unique situation and who would love them despite the heart defect. So does anyone want to add anything else? I think we've already had some really good conversations with Lauren and with Jenny. But what about you, gentlemen? Do you want to add anything about what makes you want special? That you were willing to be boyfriends to these girls with these funky hearts, and he passed to the scars to the people who were really deep inside. I'll start with UNIX because you're the old married man at the

spk_4:   57:06
door. Okay, I I'll be brief, make sure Chris, at some time, Really? What? I think Chris would be with this, but I'll leave it to him. Of course, is that when you meet someone that you really know it to be special and that They're special, and they're incredible. It makes it very easy to look past anything that might be difficult because you see the beauty in the person that you love. I look at Jenny and I. I fell in love letter through our many conversations through e mails and instant messaging over the songs with long distance relationship for a while. And it made it so that I didn't care that she had a heart problem. She was so amazing. I had to be with her. When you find that someone and it is possible, there are people like that in the world. They look at your heart problem and they vote. It doesn't make you difficult. It makes you unique. And it makes you who you are. And I love that about you. So let me spend the rest of my life with you. Please.

spk_2:   58:01
That was beautifully put. Okay, Chris. Now I put you on the spot. Younger married man. What's your take on this situation?

spk_5:   58:11
I understand the fear of being accepted from friends, from boyfriends, girlfriends. It's really tough, but I think that you signed quality people. They have no problem looking past that still loves the fall in love with person. They are. It doesn't matter that they have a large cheese. It's the person that you love more than anything. And I really care about that person. Anyone do whatever it takes a lot of people out there that we're not like that, but same time. I see it is a good filtering system.

spk_2:   58:40
Mmm. Well, I wish I could clone you two gentlemen, because I know there were a lot of other women out there who have congenital heart defects. You would give anything to meet two men like you who are able to look past their funky hearts and into the beautiful spirits of the people that own nose monkey heart. So I just want to thank you. Because I love Lauren and Jenny. They've been my friends for a long, long time, and I feel blessed to know the two of you and I really can't wait to meet you face to face. Christmas is the first time you've really had an extended conversation. Well, back includes this episode of heart to heart with Anna, and I hope everybody who is listening has been as inspired and uplifted as I have.

spk_0:   59:22
Thank you for listening today. Please come back next week on Tuesday at noon Eastern time for a brand new episode during the month of February, also known as Hartman. Hard to Harvard. Anna will broadcast a show every day on Tuesdays will have a brand new show featuring our theme for Season seven. Congenital heart defects around the globe. The other days will be on core presentations with a brand new interest. If you'd like to know what chance will be featured, you can check out our website at www dot heart to heart with ama dot com. Please find and like us on Facebook, check out our cafe. Press batik revenue from the cafe Press Batik helps to defray the cost of this radio show. Follow our radio show on blunt talk radio and especially on speaker. Once we get to 100 followers on speaker, we can petition by heart radio to carry our show. And then people can listen to heart to heart with Anna in their cars. Thanks again for listening. We know that congenital heart defects touch people all over the globe. So remember my friends, you are not alone.

spk_1:   1:0:34
Thank you again for joining us this week. We hope you have been inspired and empowered to become an advocate for the congenital heart defect community. Heart to Heart With Anna with your host Anna Gorsky can be heard every Tuesday at 12 noon Eastern time. We'll talk again next week.