Big Sister to a CHD Warrior: Time Together, Time Away

Roseann Franco Bischoff is David Franco's big sister. She shares with Anna what it was like for her growing up in a house full of siblings where she had a lot of responsibility and how that became amplified when her brother David was born with congenitally corrected transposition of the great vessels. She shares how having a chronically ill brother affected the family, what her relationship was like with David and how having an ill brother prepared her for motherhood and some of the challenges she would face with her own children.

Transcript

spk_1:   0:00
Theo

spk_2:   0:04
Theo. The 11th

spk_3:   0:05
Season of Heart to Heart with Anna. Our theme nous is in his heart warrior siblings, and today we're going to talk with our guests about being a big sister, toe a little brother with a congenital heart defect or C H D. And how having a sibling with the CHD affected her when she became a mother. Today's show is big sister to a CHD warrior. Time together, time away and our guest is Roseanne. Roseanne. Franco Bischoff was born in 1956 in Cincinnati, Ohio, the oldest of five at the age of four reasons. Father was transferred back to New York, where her parents bought a house in Hastings. On Hudson. She attended the local parish Catholic elementary school. Roseanne attended the University of Alabama and had to graduate in August due to an apartment fire in April. She lost everything textbooks, notes, clothes, but she graduated in August with a degree in communications. Roseanne met her husband and was married in 1987. As both were older, they didn't want to wait to start their family. Their first pregnancy blessed them with twins. Unfortunately, there were three months premature. The younger of the girl's, Miriam came home on her due date. Rebecca passed away two and 1/2 weeks later. She never left the hospital. Roseanne's family continue to grow to a total of eight Children. She worked several jobs in the past 30 years to help support her family. She is currently a director of campus ministry at a Connecticut Catholic high school and has been married 30 years to the most wonderful man she's ever met. So welcome to heart to heart with Anna Roseanne.

spk_0:   1:47
Thank you so much for having me, and it's quite an honor.

spk_3:   1:51
But it is an honor for me, too. I love meeting people, first of all, who are siblings to my friends. As many of my listeners know, David has worked with me on a hug podcast network, and I helped him to start his own show called Heart to Heart With Nicole and David. So we have a very deep friendship, and I am honored to meet his big sister.

spk_0:   2:13
Well, thank you so much.

spk_3:   2:14
Now I get to hear all the scoop on David, and we have so many things to comment. I'm gonna ask you a 1,000,000 questions here I'm married 31 years now, so we have a lot of things that are in common. But I don't have eight Children. That is amazing. Later in the podcast will be talking about your Children and having lost a daughter and all of that because I find that fascinating. But first, let's talk about your little brother. How did having a younger brother with the gentle heart defect help prepare you for what would happen when you're twins were born?

spk_0:   2:50
Well, personally, I had no idea we'd ever have twins because we didn't know it was our genealogy. And that comes from my husband's side of the family. Growing up with David, I had a front row seat. I was the oldest and I was the only girl, which was a mixed blessing. We want three, maybe, but growing up with David, I'm When was six months old, he almost lost in, and it was touch and go for quite a number of years. But my greatest gift, waas having the fun. Listen to my parents conversations in the evening when my mom would fill my father in on what the doctor said about this, that the other thing But my mom was probably the greatest gift to my family because I want to kind of listening in on conversations that she was having with doctors. And I learned to pay close attention to what doctors were saying to her because my mom eventually became an educator. But when a doctor would say something to her, she would repeat it back to them groups Who were that she had it right.

spk_3:   4:09
Oh, wow. So are you saying that when your mother took David to see the doctors that you went along with her toe? All of those visits?

spk_0:   4:19
No, I didn't go along. But she would get phone calls from the doctor's with test results so they would give information and then what she would do if she would repeat that to them, which he understood. They said, make sure she got it right, because none of us had a medical background.

spk_3:   4:39
Lights right. My

spk_0:   4:40
mother was not a doctor, a nurse. But I gotta tell you, if I think if my mother wanted to go for her medical degree at this point in time, she'd get it.

spk_3:   4:49
And she passed

spk_0:   4:50
with flying colors. But room with David to pay very close attention to what doctors are saying, and I knew she needed to get it went. She had to have the information right?

spk_3:   5:07
So watching your mother interact with the doctors even though it was not a telephone, I think it's fascinating that you were able to understand exactly what she was doing, even though it was on the telephone. Do you think that that helped prepare you for motherhood? And what you would do is a mother yourself?

spk_0:   5:24
My mom was training. We once didn't know she was training me. And that's probably the best education anybody could get is when people are playing attention to what you are doing so that they learn for themselves,

spk_3:   5:39
right. That's leading by example. And that is the best way to really teach somebody is to show them with your own life. And it sounds like that's what she did for you. Wow, that's amazing. You didn't know the twins ran in your husband's family until after you had twins yourself. They don't run in your family.

spk_0:   5:59
No, they do not. We were married in August, and oddly enough, it was David's birthday December 19 that we were quote unquote diagnosed with twins.

spk_3:   6:10
Wow,

spk_0:   6:11
because we had no idea that there was a history of twins anywhere on either side of the family, and I was already huge. I was beyond large and there was no explanation for it. We were diagnosed with twins and we felt very blessed. And we went to the library and took out all these books on twins and everything else. And within a month, both my husband and I came down with very severe cold, and it was in the process of both of us being home that I noticed there was a change in movement. When you have the ultrasound and you find out that you're having twins, you find out where each of them is, and so you kind of have an idea of who's moving and who's doing what. And all of a sudden I noticed there was a change in movement, so I called my O. B. Gillian. I said there was a change and that I have been sick on. He called me in and we did another ultrasound, and that's when he sent me to specialists up a Yukon Medical center because there was definitely something not right

spk_3:   7:23
that must have been devastating for you.

spk_0:   7:26
Well, it was our first pregnancy. Didn't even get to live with the idea that we were having twins for a month. And all this came about. And you know what? I come from a family of great face, and my husband is a man of great treat. And we thought, you know, this might not mean anything, but we will go and we will see specialists, and we'll have all the tests done because you know what? My obstetrician was fabulous. He wasn't going to take any risks. And it's not like he was. I don't want this on me, he said. You need the best.

spk_3:   8:07
Sure,

spk_0:   8:07
and he sent into the best.

spk_3:   8:09
Right.

spk_0:   8:10
From that point on, things progressed rather quickly.

spk_3:   8:14
Do you think that your faith and seeing how your mother and your father had their faith played a role in raising you? Your brother's, especially David affected the way that

spk_1:   8:28
you looked

spk_2:   8:29
it. What was happening with yourself?

spk_0:   8:33
Oh yeah, there's new. Gotta gotta

spk_5:   8:36
take this hot industry. We're offering us a mechanical hot, and he said, now that I've had enough to give it to someone who's worthy My father promised me a golden dressed twirl. It held my hand and asked

spk_4:   8:47
me where I wanted to go. Whatever stripe for conflict that we experienced in our

spk_5:   8:52
long career together was always healed by humor. Heart

spk_1:   8:57
to heart With Michael Please join us every Thursday at noon. Eastern As we talk with people from around the world who have experienced those most difficult moments, you are listening to heart to heart with Anna. If you have a question or comment that you would like to dress down show, please send an email to Anna Dworsky at Anna at heart to heart with anna dot com. That's Anna at heart to heart with anna dot com Now back to heart to heart with

spk_2:   9:27
Before the break Rosie An. We were talking about how you were much older than your brother David, and I believe you're 10 years older than him. Is that right? Yep. So you were 15 when he had hiss surgery at the age of five. How much did you really understand about what was going on At that time?

spk_0:   9:50
I was acutely aware of what was going to be the details of the surgery. I didn't understand that was acutely aware of the fact that David was going to Alabama with my parents. He was having this major surgery. We weren't quite sure. I wasn't quite sure how the surgery, what the surgery was and what it was supposed to do and everything else my dad got. Blessing always let me know the Jews. And the truth was, we did not know if Davis was coming home alive.

spk_3:   10:27
So did the whole family go to Alabama? Or was it just your parents and David?

spk_0:   10:33
My parents went with David and I was home with my three younger brothers, and while my parents were away, we had a woman come in from Catholic charities during the day. And then I would take the bus home from high school, get home about 3 30 between 3 30 and four, and then she would go home to her family. So with me and my three younger brothers,

spk_3:   10:57
Wow,

spk_0:   10:58
and then my dad would go to Alabama for two weeks and come home for two weeks. Well, but he didn't get home until 6 30 at night, so I was still in charge of dinner and bathing kids and putting kids to bed and dishes and all those kinds of things.

spk_3:   11:17
You became the caretaker for the family. I was. Why would That's a lot of responsibility for a 15 year old. It

spk_0:   11:28
was the only

spk_4:   11:29
way to get through it. Hi. I

spk_0:   11:32
only had one person that ahead shared this whole debacle with. And that was a person that was not didn't live Coast in year. Wasn't a close friend or somebody who went to school with. It was just somebody that I knew through a friend who had been through something similar. So, other than that, I mean, in those days, there was nothing.

spk_3:   11:57
Right? Right? Right. Now, how much younger are your siblings, then? David? So he was only five.

spk_0:   12:05
He was five. So I was 15. My brother Vincent was 13 then Andrew Waas seven and Philip Waas. I think he was one. So we still had a toddler at home,

spk_3:   12:21
right? Right. But the other Children were also in school just like you were. Okay, Uh,

spk_0:   12:29
except for Philip, Philip was home,

spk_3:   12:31
right? Toddler.

spk_0:   12:32
So he was home.

spk_3:   12:33
Wow. Your poor mom. That must have been heartbreaking for her to be away from her baby. knowing that the one child that she was with his future was uncertain.

spk_0:   12:47
My mother's a woman of great faith. She did what she had to do, and she trusted in people that God put in her past. And that's what she taught us to do.

spk_3:   13:01
So how long was David in Alabama? All right, Governor.

spk_4:   13:09
When I was three or four months,

spk_3:   13:10
only one witness and he was reading

spk_0:   13:13
often have it closed down. There's

spk_3:   13:15
Mirel arms. Oh, no.

spk_0:   13:23
Keep it. Yeah, he kind of ran the unit. But, you know, David was a very and still is a very smart man. He was a very smart youngster can. He was very precocious. And, you know, if he could get into something, if he could try something and he didn't know what what the result was going to be. He wasn't worried about the results. He wanted to just try it.

spk_3:   13:52
So did your dad. I'm home with all kinds of stories When he came over his two weeks.

spk_0:   13:58
Well, when he was home for just two weeks, he was working extra hours because he's been out for two weeks. It was in a time where health benefits weren't what they are today. So if my dad was out for two weeks, he was really trying to make up for time when he was home for the two weeks and he was stressed.

spk_3:   14:21
Sure. My father,

spk_0:   14:23
I mean, telephone conversations. Remember tour? No cell phones? There were no laptops. There were No, there was no email. There was none of that. It was two or three phone calls a day, and that was the end of it. And my father would come home late from work. And, you know, I'd have dinner ready form and and pretty much would go to bed. And he was out the door early.

spk_3:   14:45
Well, so your brother was in the hospital for several months. Your family was separated by this really long distance, and it was very stressful on your parents, I'm sure. But where they're special arrangements that had to be made as soon as David came back as well.

spk_0:   15:04
Nobody knew.

spk_3:   15:07
Well,

spk_0:   15:07
first of all, we didn't. We had no idea. He was coming home with a peach, Nichols, and he was like a pencil thin. Okay, so when they gave him the peacemaker, they couldn't even put it in the shaft. It was in his abdomen,

spk_3:   15:21
which was very common back then, anyway, because they were big unit. So most people got it in her abdomen.

spk_0:   15:29
Great. Well, we didn't know anything about pacemakers or abdomens or what this thing was going to be. So my parents come to the door and they arrive at the front door and David goes around to the back door. Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. Where's Dave? He came in through the back door.

spk_3:   15:49
Was he just sick care arm? Was he just I have to go see my backyard. And

spk_0:   15:54
he He was a character,

spk_3:   15:56
and he

spk_0:   15:57
was like I said he was precocious. So, you know, if he could do something different, he would. The doctor said, Well, you know, he has to be careful with sports and that kind of thing because his pacemaker protruded out of you. Grab.

spk_3:   16:14
So could you see it with his clothes on? Could you see that there was a lump somewhere where there shouldn't have been one?

spk_4:   16:21
He was wearing a T shirt? Yes.

spk_3:   16:24
Did it scare you? Yeah. No. So your parents were able to say Did they? Did they warn you? Me? Obviously. You didn't know when he came home Because you just said you had no idea. Yeah, but when you tackle as a 17 year old girl, were you really gonna tackle David? Anyway, Uh, well,

spk_0:   16:43
you know, we rethink their inter working around you. It was a delicate situations that we weren't going to make it crazy, But my father was very worried about the unit. So he being formally being an engineer, he was in computer science of the time, had friends who were also engineers, and they actually developed a plastic guard for this. Peacemakers dead intruded the body. It was a plastic guard that was on the outside of his body with elastic from either side of this guard that went around him to make sure that if he was knocked down or hit or something else that the guard would take could blow and not a pacemaker.

spk_3:   17:35
Wow, that's amazing. At what year was this that he did that?

spk_0:   17:41
Well, David had two surgeries. Five. It was when David was five.

spk_3:   17:46
Okay, So 1972. Wow. So your dad was way ahead of his time. I bet there was nothing commercially available like that. That's amazing.

spk_0:   17:58
His friends were the head of the time too, because my father designed it.

spk_3:   18:02
Oh, and

spk_0:   18:02
he found another guy who was in plastics that could actually make it.

spk_3:   18:08
Wow.

spk_0:   18:09
There are a couple of his friends involved in the whole process.

spk_3:   18:12
Wow.

spk_0:   18:13
And, you know, they didn't think about getting a patent and that all they considered was G. What do we do for this kid? To make

spk_4:   18:20
sure this you unit does not get damaged.

spk_3:   18:23
Wow.

spk_0:   18:24
And he doesn't go into heart failure. And that's the way people used to move.

spk_3:   18:28
But how? Empowering for you as a teenager to see your parents bring home this child with a chronic illness. I'm sure there were a lot of prayers said for David, So I'm sure that this really did test your faith. And yet everybody was very hopeful through this whole thing. And then for your dad to say, Hey, I want him to be able to be a rough and tumble kid with his brothers, you know? How am I gonna stop that? Oh, I'll just create this plate to protect him. I mean, that's a power ring, don't you think, Roseanne?

spk_0:   19:02
Definitely empowering my father. He was intelligent. He loved his family. He loved his wife. He did everything in his power to protect his Children. And one of the things that he could do to protect David was to make sure that this device does not get damaged. So he used his intellect, hiss, engineering ability. He employed his friends who were more than willing to help, and you all came together. And when people communicate and share ideas,

spk_5:   19:35
and here this is

spk_0:   19:36
turns and share their problems, other problems

spk_4:   19:40
can be fixed.

spk_2:   19:42
I love it

spk_5:   19:49
forever by the Baby Blue Sound Collective. I think what I love so much about this CD is that some of the songs were inspired by the patient's many listeners will understand many of the different songs and what they've been inspired. Our new album will be available on iTunes. Amazon dot com. Spotify. I love the fact that the proceeds from this CD are actually going to help those with congenital heart defects. Enjoy music Home tonight

spk_2:   20:18
forever. Roseanne. I have so enjoyed talking to you and getting to know a little bit more about your family. But

spk_3:   20:28
one thing

spk_2:   20:28
that I know from having known David for a while is that you have a very tight knit family and all of you are very close, and it seems like that closeness has been able to be maintained even through your adulthood. Can

spk_3:   20:41
you talk to me

spk_2:   20:42
a little bit about how your family has been able to maintain that close family ties, even though David is in Texas? And I know your mom is in Connecticut and it seems like your family is pretty far spread apart. And yet I still have felt a real closeness between David's family whenever he's talked to me about them. Can you talk to me about that?

spk_4:   21:05
The invention of the telephone was a real asset family, and the advent of the cellphone has made it even easier. And we've actually got my mother and I phoned.

spk_3:   21:19
Amazing. That is amazing.

spk_4:   21:22
I think, as we all started going out toe are different places. My father, while he was alive with a real proponent of communication and my mother had been. But my dad was really significant while he was alive in making sure that he touched base with his kids on Sunday. Then my mom would be on the phone. I mean the conversation with my parents could be an hour, but

spk_2:   21:51
that was

spk_4:   21:51
OK because that's what we did. And then when my father passed away, my mother continued that can You would say something that when my siblings

spk_0:   22:02
said and it's like Well, maybe you should

spk_4:   22:04
call them and we would do that And we kept in touch as we grew older and they've got married and he and his wife had Sarah and I have already had kids. He would call me what you think What? This was that no Catholic education, public education, the bob above about. And we would just talk to each other and we would ask each other's opinions. We didn't have to agree with anybody. E kind. We're trying to get information, and as long as we were honest with each other, that's all that really mattered. We didn't have to agree with each other, but we just had to say what we understood to be true.

spk_2:   22:47
I love it. That's awesome.

spk_4:   22:48
My brother David is my best friend. Next time I'll and he is my best friend. I want him to do what whatever he needs to do to stick around a few more years because I need him around. Yeah, I need to be able to talk to him. I'm sure you know that his older brother Andrew passed away this fall. And I still have these moments where I think 0 100 would know. Yeah, but Andrew isn't here, and I can't call him. And in Anderson absence, so called Dave.

spk_2:   23:25
I remember when David told me that his brother unexpectedly died the fall of 2017 and it was heartbreaking. It was absolutely heartbreaking to talk with him and to go through that with him. So I'm sure it was just a ce hard for you. And when you do lose somebody because we lost my husband's older sister and we lost his older brother. And now there's just one sister and my husband left, and they feel like what you were just saying. Everybody has to take very good care of themselves. We can't go through another loss. We need each other. At least in our family, we find ourselves clinging to one another more than ever before. Is that kind of how you feel, too?

spk_4:   24:05
Oh, yeah. We have to be cutting base with each other I mean, I probably talk to dated more than I talked to my other siblings, but I think we have more things in common. But I talked to my other siblings on a regular basis because I gotta know what's going on, and I need to know what's going on with them and name. You can know what's going on with me, and we can't be there for each other without knowledge of what's going on,

spk_2:   24:31
right? Let's talk about some of your favorite memories growing up with David. Can you tell me what your very favorite memory of growing up with David would be?

spk_4:   24:43
David had a Snoopy doll stuffed animal is groupie

spk_2:   24:49
OK

spk_4:   24:50
who be went everywhere with Dave? You be the case kind of raggedy mess, and I can't remember what year it was. It's gotta be within the past 115 years. We got him a new one. It was such a mess. One of the things that Snoopy taught me was that we all need our security blanket and it got him to multiple hospitalizations. I grew up in a navy tore. You couldn't suck your thumb, you couldn't have a passport. You couldn't have this. You couldn't have that. You kind of have a stand up by the time you were two months old and one of things that taught me was the fact that you know what kids need. Pacifiers, Disney blankets. Kids need pillows. Kids need those security devices in their lives.

spk_2:   25:37
Yes,

spk_4:   25:38
and every time. And you have my kids needed anything. I always thought of that Kewpie doll

spk_2:   25:45
that's need.

spk_4:   25:47
David was inquisitive and smart. He taught me to go after your dreams, fly something new, try what people say you can't do. If you find out you can't do it, That's okay. But in my father, now that you can do it and then pursue it,

spk_2:   26:06
I love it.

spk_4:   26:07
That's what David taught me. And he continues to teach me because he's one of the smartest guys I know. And there's only two of in my life. So that's about it. David is a man of great faith.

spk_3:   26:25
Do you think that's helped him to get where he is today?

spk_4:   26:30
You see? Oh, yeah. There's no doubt about that.

spk_2:   26:36
Does it give you comfort to know that your brother is a faithful man and that you feel he has a close relationship with God.

spk_4:   26:44
There's no better comfort because we on this Earth cannot do it on our own,

spk_2:   26:49
that's for sure.

spk_4:   26:51
Dance making great strides, you know, mine field, good faith. It is a great healer.

spk_2:   26:59
I know that you're very, very special to him, because when I said I was doing this season of shows focused on siblings, he said, Oh, you have to have my sister on the show So he was really excited about you coming on the show and talking with me.

spk_0:   27:15
E think early on in David's life, it was tough on me. I had

spk_4:   27:20
a lot of responsibility. I was trying to figure out my own path. All the family stuff interfered to a certain extent. I never resented him for it. I never resented my parents for I just felt like it was hard. Yeah, in retrospect, I have absolutely no regrets. None.

spk_2:   27:40
It's hard, but it sounds to me like confronting what was happening in your family and pitching in to help out the way that you did made you grow up really fast. It made you feel very responsible very early, but it also puts you in a fabulous position to move forward with your professional life and then later to be a mother yourself

spk_4:   28:03
and Cream get really help with the motherhood beauty. I never really felt secure professionally because I think from an early age from 10 years old, I was the second mom. That's really all. I felt secure in going with health, the household family. I knew that and I knew it very well. I never felt as secure until now, and I'm so money hurts. Hold her in doing what I'm doing now and having gotten a master's degree in theology with eight kids at home and a full time job. But I did it and I did it because that was kind of like the next step to what I already knew. And David was a big part of that, and as hard as it was many, many years ago, in retrospect, it was the greatest gift.

spk_2:   29:01
Oh, I love it.

spk_4:   29:03
There's no hard feelings, and there's no regrets.

spk_2:   29:05
I love it. Roseanne. It has been a pure delight, getting to know you.

spk_4:   29:09
I am so thrilled to have been here. It was delightful chatting with you, and I wish you and your family. All the very best.

spk_2:   29:18
Ah, well, thank you so much. Thank you so much for coming on the program. I have a feeling a lot of our listeners will be able to I don't know if they'll be able to totally relate to what you have gone through. I think you have a rather unique experience, but I hope that they can relate to the role that faith has played in your life and the closeness that your family has come to feel and perpetuated through all of these decades. It's really quite beautiful. While that does conclude this episode of heart to heart with Anna, Thank you for listening today. Please come back next week on Tuesday at noon, Eastern time. Until then, please follow our show heart to heart with Anna on iTunes. And remember, my friends, you are not alone.

spk_1:   30:00
This'll program is a presentation of hearts unite the globe and is part of the Hug Podcast Network bar. Tonight, The Globe is a nonprofit organization devoted to providing resource is to the congenital heart defect community to uplift on power and enrich the lives of our community members. If you would like access to free resource is pertaining to the CHD community. Please visit our website at www dot hug dash podcast network dot com for information about CHD, the hospitals that treat Children with CHD summer camps for CHD survivors and much, much more. Thank you again for joining us this week way. Hope you have been inspired on Empowered to become an advocate for the congenital heart defects community. Heart to heart with Anna With your hose down, Jaworski can be heard every Tuesday at 12 noon eastern time.