My Heart Brother & Best Friend

Usman Shahid is the older brother of Nauman Shahid. In this episode of "Heart to Heart with Anna" Usman shares with Anna what it was like for him to grow up with two younger siblings with special needs. He talks about what he remembers from Nauman's open-heart surgeries, what it was like to relocate to the United States from Pakistan, what it was like to have a sister with Down Syndrome and how his family has always pulled together and been there for each other through it all. Usman also shares why he feels he has become the man he is today because of his brother. You won't want to miss this episode!

Transcript

spk_0:   0:00
Theo

spk_1:   0:05
Theo. 11. Season of heart to heart with Anna, our theme necessities in his heart Warrior siblings and we have a great show for you today. Today show is my heart brother and best friend, and our guest is Guzman Shahid. This Mushahid is the older brother to Newman Shahid, who was born with tetralogy of fellow. This man Shahid is a dedicated son aviator. I must supported Lee Ah, brother to Newman Shahid, who was well known in the hard world. Guzman has had the unique experience of being a brother to not only knew men but also to a sister who sadly passed away due to her Down syndrome complexities. As someone who has followed Newman along throughout his medical appointments, Guzman has learned quite a bit about the challenges heart warriors have but has also taken note of the resilience that they have shown over time. Growing up in the United States, whose mind has earned a bachelor's degree in business administration and has had a flourishing career in aviation, he truly believes that his younger brother, Newman, has played a major role in his success between the two of them have a very unique bond of being brothers and more importantly, best friends. Welcome to heart to heart with Anna Sussman

spk_2:   1:18
happy to be here. Thank you for having me on the show.

spk_1:   1:21
Well, I'm so excited to have you on this show because many of my longtime listeners will remember your brother knew men from season seven of heart to heart with Anna. Thank

spk_2:   1:30
you so much.

spk_1:   1:30
Yeah, and he was also Newman was a guest host on heart to heart with Nicole and David. So a lot of my listeners know your brother. So it's about time we get to know you. So why don't you tell us what some of your earliest memories are of Newman?

spk_2:   1:45
When I recalled, Earliest memories will come back into aviation because a lot of my hobbies and interests are the same as Newman. For example, were growing up living in New York City as I'm going from elementary school to high school. The biggest memory that I can recall is we all had passion for aviation. And on the weekends are parents you to take us to airports. That's where we like to go every weekend to do plane spotting talkinto airline pilots, district seaplanes, toe look at a big jet close up. Or from that we had a great love for having the same type of food we enjoyed living in New York City. Pizza was one of our favorite foods. Phyllis. Oh, yeah, A lot of our hobbies and interests are the same. And I would say the biggest memory that I keep Rush because of my career is aviation. We have the same passion and love for aviation.

spk_1:   2:35
So was your father or was your mother in aviation?

spk_2:   2:39
No, actually, my father was not in aviation when I was a baby. And so is Newman. We got plane models gifted by my grand parents who passed away. But they gave us playing toys and we just got playing toys as we were toddlers. And we just used to play with airplane models. And then growing up, we wanted to see me all planes. So that's how it all started from a plane toy.

spk_1:   3:00
Wow. And now you all must have ridden on a pretty big plane to come from Pakistan. Those damn my longtime listeners will remember. That's how we first met Newman. We were talking about congenital heart defects around the globe. and Newman told us that he was born in Pakistan. Tell us about that trip.

spk_2:   3:19
Certainly when Newman was coming over to the U. S for her surgery, I wasn't on that trip because, you know, at that time, our plan was not to our relocate to us. He was just coming here for his surgery. So I was in Pakistan, and I believe I was about 5 to 6 years old. And I was being taken care of by my grand parents. So the only memory I recall from that was Newman was going with my mom and dad to us on that plane trip to get his medical surgery done. And we'll see him back in Pakistan because we were living our lives normally there. Unfortunately, my sister was born in us at that time during his surgery process, where she was born with down syndrome. And that's what kept us over here.

spk_1:   3:59
Oh, I didn't realize that you two were separated. That must have been so hard for you.

spk_2:   4:03
Yeah, honestly, I said I was only 56 years old, so I don't recall much now that I hear from my parents. They told me that during that time when Newman was having a surgery here in the U. S. As a 14 month old baby, I was being looked after by my aunts and uncles and grandparents. When Pakistan,

spk_1:   4:21
that makes sense, it sounds like you have a very tight knit family.

spk_2:   4:24
Correct? Correct.

spk_1:   4:26
And so your sister was born in the United States. She was born with Down syndrome. It sounds like maybe this was a surprise to your parents.

spk_2:   4:33
Yes, they wouldn't return back to Pakistan because I was there. But unfortunately, she was born here, and she was born in the U. S. With down syndrome issue. And she couldn't travel back home, of course, with the conditions she faced. So that's what brought me into us. And my mother returned to Pakistan to pick me up, and she brought me back into the U. S. This was our new home because of my sister being in the hospital here with her health issues.

spk_1:   4:58
So I know that it was a charity that brought Newman to the United States for that first surgery. How was that? Your parents were able to move the entire family here. Did they get a visa or because your sister was born here that automatically enabled them to stay out of that work.

spk_2:   5:16
My brother, he came here. The charity that brought him was Lions Club. Because my dad used to be a banker in Pakistan. It was Chase Bank, which is now a J P. Morgan Chase. So they helped in the immigration process and they helped us with the visa process in relocating to the U. S. In helping us obtain an immigrant visa.

spk_1:   5:34
Wow. It sounds like everything just kind of fell into place. Just the regulation of your family.

spk_2:   5:39
Yes, because when we move to the U. S. The J. P. Morgan Chase Bank today back then it was James, of course. But they also transferred in my father's job into one of the branches in New York City in Queens, where he got the same ranking as faras. Same position. Samos, Pakistan.

spk_1:   5:55
That's wonderful. Now, did you all speak English

spk_2:   5:59
when I came into us? That's where I started. In my first grade. I can write to first rage, so I Yes, coming from Pakistan. I was in kindergarten back there, but I was in the English affiliated school. But in Pakistan, so Yes, I did know English, too. Basic? Yes.

spk_1:   6:12
Okay. Wonderful. Now, as the oldest in your family, did you feel that you had to help take care of your brother and your sister, Given they were probably besieged by doctor's appointments.

spk_2:   6:24
Yes, Course being the elders in the family. I was every doctor's appointment post surgery from my brother because my brother was operated in New Jersey by Dr Bali when one of his positions every six months post check up and I was going with him. And, of course, my sister. She was living ST Mary's Children's Center in New York, but we were going there every other day to visit her. So yeah, you know, of course, going up in that process. I was there in every appointment, anything, every procedure that took place.

spk_1:   6:52
Wow, that is inspiring that you were able to do that for your family, Even as a little boy. It sounds like the two of you were so close and then for your whole family to be so

spk_0:   7:05
close to your little sister even that she was in a Children's hospital.

spk_1:   7:10
I just love that story

spk_3:   7:13
takes this hot industry. We're offering us a mechanical hot, and he said, now that I've had enough to give it to someone my father promised me a golden dressed. It's World held my hand and asked me where I wanted to go. Whatever stride for conflict that we experienced in our long career together was always healed by humor.

spk_4:   7:33
Heart to heart With Michael Please join us every Thursday at noon, Eastern as we talked with people from around the world who have experienced those most difficult moments. And Dworsky has written several books to empower the congenital heart defect, or CHD community. These books could be found at amazon dot com or at our website www dot baby hearts press dot com. Her best seller is The Heart of a Mother, an anthology of stories written by women for Women in the CHD community and his other books. My Brother Needs an Operation, The Heart of a Father and Hypo Plastic Left Heart Syndrome. A Handbook for parents will help you understand that you are not alone. Visit baby hearts press dot com to find out more.

spk_0:   8:20
Okay, you are listening to heart to heart with Anna. If you have a question or comment that you would like to dress down show. Please send an email to Anna Dworsky at Anna at heart to heart with anna dot com. That's Anna at heart to heart with anna dot com now back to heart, to heart for them

spk_1:   8:40
Before the break, we touch with newsmen about his childhood with a brother would tetralogy of below. Now we're going to focus on what adulthood has been like for him so smart. Why don't you tell us about how you felt when Newman had his most recent open heart surgery?

spk_2:   8:55
A. New ones are most recent, open our surgery because last year I felt that this was more stressful for me. Personally. It was more challenging for the family because even though back when he Newman was a toddler, you know, he was a baby. But I was also you can see a little boy back then, but now that living in adulthood, I realized with a great ah, you know surgeons around him, everything was going fine, but still, as a family Mary, you're still concerned and nervous, and you have that fear of the worst all the time. So I would say that on the day of this operation. Unfortunately, I I was flying that day and I had four legs to fly that day and night for each leg that I landed. I was taking my phone. Would fear after landing that, you know, Hopefully I'll get a good message. And my mom and my wife were texting me throughout the surgery that the doctors came out. He's doing good. He's fine. Everything's fine. So bring much. That whole day was the most one of the most stressful periods in my whole life, I think, because after each landing or after each leg, I was a second my phone constantly and voicemails for it. Pretty much good news, old away. And that's what it turned out to be, thankfully, But I was very nervous that great stress down.

spk_1:   10:03
Yeah, I think it's a lot different when your loved one is an adult, because you know what, you can lose it when they're an infant. They don't have the language, they don't have passions. They don't have skills that you know, could be lost in an open heart procedure.

spk_2:   10:21
Correct report from that. Right before his surgery, Newman had also personal challenges in the life he was engaged. And that broke up a CZ Well, so that was not a good period for him and for the whole family. So really felt a lot for him. And we just really hoped that he would come out and get through this successfully in which he did. But yes, there was a very stressful time for me personally.

spk_1:   10:42
Right? And I can understand when you go through a loss like that and a break up like that is definitely a loss. It can put you not in a frame of mind you want to go into when you're having open heart surgery is not the best situation to go into. I know from having spoken to Newman that it meant so much to him that he did have his family there. And with you being his best friend, even though you couldn't be there physically, I know that you were there with him and spiritually, emotionally that you were still there with him.

spk_2:   11:13
Yes, that's definitely true.

spk_1:   11:16
How did it feel for you when Newman left for medical school?

spk_2:   11:21
That is this whole surgery?

spk_1:   11:23
Well, yeah, that's a good point, because he was in medical school and he had to take a break and had his surgery. And then he went back. That must have been kind of confusing for you. How did you feel about all of that?

spk_2:   11:35
I was very happy that his resuming his studies and his passion for the career that he wants to pursue the same note. I was also very concerned that could living alone by himself in a college campus, eh? For surgery and a break up. The only fear that I had was you know, hopefully he didn't feel lonely or by himself. So that's where my mom she stepped in the way of the family came together cause I'm gone away most of the time from home while I'm flying. So my wife looks after me and my father as faras house chores. But my mom So she moved in with Newman in his a campus apartment just to be there for him so he won't be alone and feeling the pressure coming back into his pressure from studying and post operation. And then, of course, that break up. So yet our main goal was not to leave Newman all by himself right away after that surgery process,

spk_1:   12:26
and she was out of cooking delicious meals which he posted on Facebook to talk all the rest. I

spk_2:   12:33
honestly speaking, I tell human that you would have been a great chef in the hotel if you're not gonna be a doctor, but the destroyers. But I told you also make a great chef because he is at home.

spk_1:   12:42
Yeah, I know he's always posting food things on Facebook and kind of making the rest of us stroll over exposed take. But yes, he definitely eats Well, I love it. How the family has, you know, little pockets of people taking care of each other. That's so inspiring. I love that I was really concerned when I first met. Name it, and I found out the medical school that he was going to was really in a fairly isolated place.

spk_2:   13:07
Yes, and that area, because I was based eras airline pilot. In my first year when I started flying commercially, I was based near that in Parkersburg, West Virginia. So I know how lonely could be in quite expecting the winners, because there's not much around there.

spk_1:   13:21
Right, But wait a minute. That's where he is now. But wasn't hiss first medical school in an island often

spk_2:   13:28
the

spk_1:   13:28
island.

spk_2:   13:29
He was that was in Grenada, in the Caribbean. But I still kind of asked him, Why did he ever moved from there? Because that's the place to be. But that's his choice.

spk_1:   13:37
Okay, so as a heart mom, because I don't know if you know this, but I have a son who's an adult with that congenital heart defective. The thing that concerned me Waas Oh my goodness, he's out there in the middle of nowhere. What if something goes wrong? What if he gets an infection? Is there really a hospital qualified to deal with an adult with his complex? A congenital heart defect, as he has

spk_2:   13:59
And, you know, honestly speaking, that was one of the concerns we had cause yes, he was doing great. Fear me. He earned 3.73 point, 60 p A. Got a master's degree from there. But as faras, the health facilities and the weather in the summertime, of course, gets humid. And that's one thing that I know he doesn't like. He doesn't like hot weather much, so that wasn't the best of choice is considering his health issues and of course, the The reason why we came back from there was our sister died. And you can say that was the final decision point where he said, you know, I have to go back to in the U. S. Or this bed could be closer to family for moral support because when losing, losing our sister, that was that was a starting point to come back from there.

spk_1:   14:37
Right? Right. You all have suffered so many losses in your family. It's been very tragic,

spk_2:   14:44
Yes, but on a good note, any challenge we have faced, we face it together as a family. And we overcame it together as a family. And I would say that yes, there were ups and downs. That is what life is all about, I think. But in the end, we overcame all the challenges.

spk_1:   14:59
And how old was your sister? Whose mom when she passed away,

spk_2:   15:03
She was 25 years old.

spk_1:   15:05
Wow. So she probably lived a lot longer than what anyone thought she would.

spk_2:   15:10
Yes, she was born with that and she was in the hospital all her life. She never came home, and all in the 25 years. And unfortunately, 25 was the age where she suffered a pneumonia, and that's what was the the main factor for her to leave us.

spk_1:   15:27
So she never left the hospital?

spk_2:   15:30
No, no, it was pretty much all of us going every other day or every day. Also time visiting her from New York all the way in Virginia, where she was her last few years.

spk_1:   15:40
Wow, that's dedication. I love the fact that your family just tackled this situation head on. You didn't just put her an institution and forget about her. You made her part of your family and visiting her was part of your family ritual.

spk_2:   15:56
Oh, yes, that's where I think I would say my parents on a weekly basis. We go visit her grave, you know, to offer prayer at one point, were considering toe relocate out of area. But we didn't leave the state just because her grave is near our home. My dad says if we ever relocate will be within the area. But I will never leave Virginia because her grave is over here and that's where she is. So we will be with her in Virginia.

spk_1:   16:20
I love it

spk_6:   16:27
tonight forever by the baby Blue sound collective. I think what I love so much about this CD is that some of the songs were inspired by the patient's. Many listeners will understand many of the different songs and what they've been inspired by. Our new album will be available on iTunes. Amazon dot com. Spotify I love the fact that the proceeds from this CD are actually going to help those with heart defects. Join music Home

spk_1:   16:56
Tonight forever,

spk_6:   16:59
huh?

spk_5:   17:04
This program is a presentation of hearts Unite the Globe and is part of the Hug Podcast Network Bar Tonight. The Globe is a nonprofit organization devoted to providing resource is to the congenital heart defect community to uplift on power and enrich the lives of our community members. If you would like access to free Resource, is pretending to the CHD community. Please visit our website at www dot hug Dash podcast network dot com for information about CHD hospitals that treat Children with CHD summer camps for CHD survivors and much, much more.

spk_1:   17:37
Before the break, we were talking with Isman about adulthood with his brother, who was Boerma tetralogy of for love when we were also talking about his sister, who was born with Down syndrome. One thing that I neglected to ask you use Mon was did your sister also have a congenital heart defect?

spk_2:   17:54
No, she never had that.

spk_1:   17:55
Okay, because a full I think it is. 50% of people who are born with Down syndrome also have a heart defect. So I'm curious what it was that caused her to be in the hospital all her life.

spk_2:   18:07
When she was born, she was not breathing for sure on her own. That was the biggest trigger that caused a concern. And she had charge syndrome. She was. So she was diagnosed with that on her birth.

spk_1:   18:20
Oh, wow. But isn't the h in charge for heart problems?

spk_2:   18:24
She never had any heart issues.

spk_1:   18:26
Wow. So she just got lucky that she dodged that

spk_2:   18:30
yet? Yeah, That was one of the things that we were all curious. We thought that maybe she had because of, you know, Newman in the family. But no, she never had anything to do with the heart. As Faras held issues, he had a murmur. But no nothing. Nothing congenital

spk_1:   18:44
Well, that would be congenital. But nothing that required surgery is what it sounds right to me. Okay. Okay. Well, I know that you and your brother are best friends, and I understand that you credit Newman with your success is an adult. So can you tell me how it is that Newman's life has helped you to achieve success?

spk_2:   19:02
Yes, definitely. I mean, ask that. You know, we shared the same passion for aviation, and honestly, Newman also wanted to become a pilot. That was one of his dream jobs as well, drawing up because once we got hooked up with that plane toy we got and we just wanted to be around aviation and look at planes growing up at a New York city. When I was growing up in elementary school, I was almost tilting towards a non aviation career, then looking at my brother and Newman. Hey, so tactfully aviation, I felt that you know that the bond that we had, I felt that if I became a pilot he would become a pilot. That's what he would feel like. So

spk_1:   19:39
I that

spk_2:   19:41
that that's right, chose that path. Today I fly. I've been flying for five years in the airlines and he enjoys it as much as I do. So I feel that I have made his dream come true.

spk_1:   19:50
Well, you have. And I've talked to Newman before and he will often tell me Oh, I'm going to fly off here or there with my brother. So tell me about that. Since you work for the airline, do you get free tickets or discounted tickets?

spk_2:   20:03
Oh, yes. That's where the proofs we enjoy what we have. Over the past five years, we have made some trips together. We had been to London, Amsterdam, Dubai last year, the Caribbean few times, Other islands, Canada, Australia. So yeah, you know,

spk_1:   20:19
that's what That's one place where I really, really want to go. Is Australia? It's amazing. Did you go to New Zealand to while you were over there?

spk_2:   20:28
You know what we wanted to? We wanted to. But of course, time permitting and schedule wise, I had to come back and fly. But no, Hopefully we'll do that. The future. But yes. And in the US, we almost have covered every U S state. I think we're about 10 or 11 off. Still out of all 50 states

spk_1:   20:44
Now, is that one of your goals for you and your brother to visit every state,

spk_2:   20:48
every state

spk_1:   20:49
unloved that that is so awesome. And you're right. By virtue of the fact that you are a pilot, Newman gets to reap the rewards of that. He's kind of vicariously a pilot right along there with you.

spk_2:   21:06
He knows every type of aircraft, every type of equipment out there party more than me. More bird than me sometimes. So

spk_1:   21:14
So have you all been in smaller planes together? It has Newman actually flown a plane?

spk_2:   21:19
Well, you know, actually, no, he has not flown a plane. But when I was flight training, flight school, I used to fly train and assessed on 1 72 So when I got my first license, which is a private pilot, so I was able to take my friends or anybody I wanted since I was license. So we made some short cross country trips like we went to Atlantic City in assessed on 17 to the Newman was sitting on the right side with me. I mean, he didn't fly, but he was there in the seat up in the cockpit. And the system wants me to

spk_1:   21:46
like your co pilot.

spk_2:   21:47
Exactly. Exactly. You go. I mean, he was like my co pilot, even though he couldn't fly. Of course. What? Just sitting there and taking pictures. And he just felt that he was actually flying himself. There was a joke in front of him, but he just couldn't fly it because he couldn't legally,

spk_1:   22:01
Right? Right now, have you been teaching him how to use some of the equipment? There's a lot to know when you fly.

spk_2:   22:08
Well, a non human, actually, he has what he does at home when he's free. And when he's not busy in the school, he actually flies on the flight simulator on the computer.

spk_1:   22:19
Really?

spk_2:   22:20
He flies these make belief lights, like the other day he was setting me. I'm flying from Miami to Toronto in a make believe light. So he has a actual planes downloaded like the plane that I flies at 737 any downloads that you know, that plane and he flies it in my story of flight. So that's where he does his share of flying on the PC on the computer.

spk_1:   22:41
Okay, so let me ask you this is it against aviation rules for someone like Newman to become an actual commercial pilot because of his heart defect.

spk_2:   22:53
Well, unfortunately, the yes, because the medical standards in aviation are getting stricter by the day, even though the pilot industry they're short of pilots and they will be for the next 10 years. But still, that's one thing they don't compromise on. I'm in in minor issues, health. They happen like blood pressure or diabetes. But anything that you have been through a CE faras hard open heart, that's the disqualifier. Unfortunately,

spk_1:   23:18
that's too bad. So he is lucky that he has a simulator and he has a chance to at least go places with you. He's passionate about medicine, though, and I think I think God has a special plan for him. With all that he's been through, that he can be such a compassionate doctor. We just have to help get him through medical school.

spk_2:   23:38
Yes, yes, any. Well, I'm sure he will. You know, right now, you know, post surgery, his GPS revolving around 33.93 point eight So that with all of these challenges, something it's hard that he still maintains that

spk_1:   23:57
Yeah. Oh, he's a total inspiration to so many of us. Let's change gears a little bit here because we're almost out of time and I need to know what advice you have for other siblings who have a brother or a sister with a heart defect.

spk_2:   24:10
I would say that the best advice I can give is to be their best friend. There's not much better examples or ideas Aiken give for somebody who has somebody, a sibling in the family. Just be their best friend and dare everything, whether it comes to things, thoughts, ideas or food just shared with them, because that's the best thing you can do, because that's what they need when they are dealing in the Sounders

spk_1:   24:35
sharing that's just so important. And so many of my other guests this season have said, Just be there. And that's part of the sharing. You have to be there to share like that. I love that. Well, what advice would you have for parents who have both the child with a heart defect and a child whose heart healthy use meant

spk_2:   24:54
that I would say the biggest sounds mean I have not bean parent yet, but I hope to so hopefully one day, But I've seen in my family my parents said that they kept us equal in every way. So to treat both, you know, whether it's their son or daughter who has the issue. And compared to the other side and motor with no issue, the equality has be there Treatem fair and equal.

spk_1:   25:16
Can you give me an example of how you feel that your parents treated you and your brother and your sister equally, even though it sounds to me like all three of you had very different and unique needs.

spk_2:   25:28
Every time we went out, we went out shopping Lewis for the Christmas shopping in New York. You know, my parents used to get me something, and they used to tell me that Make sure you get to Nicole Newman or when I wanna trip flying in somewhere and I'm gonna lay over and I get something for my brother Newman. I used to get something for it, my sister who passed way Annie and that was always reminded by my parents to me among themselves, you know, whatever. Ah, hall. They came, for example, our religious holiday. When we went to do our prayers in the morning, the first thing we did after the pairs. We went to visit our sister in the hospital before we we went and met. Other relatives were friend emerge in the family.

spk_1:   26:06
That's so beautiful. It seems like your family really understands the importance of family and just being together and being there for one another. Well, thank you so much for coming on the program newsman. It was a pure delight talking to you today.

spk_2:   26:22
Thank you so much for having me on the show. And I really enjoyed talking to you and being able to share my experiences of the challenges that we face of the family. But I really enjoyed it. Sharing my experiences.

spk_1:   26:32
I think that your story is going to inspire other families who are dealing with a similar situation. So thank you for being such an inspiration.

spk_2:   26:41
Likewise. Thank you so much. Thank you.

spk_1:   26:43
Well, that does conclude this episode of heart to heart with Anna. Thanks for listening today. Friends. Please come back next week on Tuesday at noon, Eastern time or any time because the podcast wants their broadcasts are available. When it's convenient for you to listen, check out our website www dot hug dash Podcast network dot

spk_6:   27:03
phone And remember, my friends, you are not alone.

spk_0:   27:09
Thank you again for joining us this week Way Hope you have been inspired on Empowered to become an advocate for the congenital heart defects community Heart to heart with Anna with your host and Dworsky can be heard every Tuesday at 12. Noon eastern time.