Heart to Heart with Anna

Lessons Learned by a Long-Time Heart Mom

February 19, 2019 Roseann Franco Season 13 Episode 8
Heart to Heart with Anna
Lessons Learned by a Long-Time Heart Mom
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Show Notes Transcript

Roseann Franco returns to "Heart to Heart with Anna" for another episode to talk about the lessons she has learned over the last five decades raising a son with congenitally corrected transposition of the great arteries (also known as L-TGA). She shares with Anna what she did to try to make life as normal as possible for David and some of the ways she knew that David felt anything but normal. In this candid interview, you'll see how even though love cannot cure a congenital heart defect, it can go a long way toward helping a person live a meaningful life of faith.

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spk_0:   0:00
I was very fortunate that Dr Young said, that David should lead as normal life if he can

spk_2:   0:17
welcome to heart to heart. With Anna. I am Enna, Gorski and the host of your program. I'm so excited to welcome back a very special guest. Last week we talked with Roseanne Franco, and we learned about her family of faith and how their faith played an integral part in David's early life. And I'm sure we'll see that thread play throughout his entire life. But today show is entitled Lessons Learned from a Long Time, Heart Mom. Once again, we have Roseanne Franco. She was born in Manhattan, New York, and currently resides in central Connecticut. She had five Children. Roseanne fits it Andrew, David and Philip, and she was married to her husband, Frederick, for over four decades. She is also a grandmother to 11 grandchildren. 10 heart healthy grandchildren. I'm one angel. Roseanne spends her time reading, still mothering her Children and grandchildren and helping out at

spk_3:   1:12
her church. This'll Week will talk to Roseanne about lesson She learned from having a some of the serious heart defect in the mid 19 sixties and how pediatric cardiology has changed over the years. She'll also be sharing with us what advice she has for other families of Children with congenital heart defect. So welcome back to the program, Risen.

spk_0:   1:32
Thank you.

spk_3:   1:33
Today, let's talk about some of the lessons that you've learned along the way in raising David to adulthood. So first of all, let's talk about where David had his first surgery and what you learned from that situation.

spk_0:   1:47
His first surgery was when he was age five. Gave it from the time he was born and the difficulties they finally found with him don't think they fully knew the extent of his defect. They knew about the V S. T he. Luckily, he was sort of a healthy kid. I mean, he didn't get a lot of cold or things like that. Not really on. He managed to do well.

spk_3:   2:16
That's kind of surprising, knowing he was raised in the Northeast, and it's very cold there. You had to other Children who might have been bringing germs home from school, so it would have been completely reasonable for him to have been a sick baby. Now, you were living in the Northeast, but I don't believe he had his surgery in that area.

spk_0:   2:37
No, he didn't. I was given two choices. I could have gone to Boston Children's Hospital with David, the other Waas, the University of Alabama in Birmingham. Because Dr John Kirkland had left the Mayo Clinic and he was the head pediatric surgeon down at the U. A. B

spk_3:   3:01
wow.

spk_0:   3:01
Though we chose that it was really directed to that on and that was set up for the following March. So David had a birthday. He was five in December and we had the date for March when he was five years old. Much of his critical stuff has always happened in spring again. He was there right before Easter. And then this is over. North Jersey was Easter Monday.

spk_3:   3:31
Wow.

spk_0:   3:32
David had the sniffles, Not not a full blown cold or anything else. But we got on the plane and went. My heart was in my mouth and I was terrified. We were going alone, so to speak. My husband couldn't come because there were other Children. He had to work. Fortunately, through a friend in Hastings there, Aunt lived in Birmingham. They made arrangements for her to pick us up and take us to the hospital, which was a blessing, really Blessing.

spk_3:   4:03
Sure,

spk_0:   4:03
Mary, she was a dear. We get to the hospital and of course, there. They start to check him and they see these got the sniffles so they wouldn't even let him go to the pediatric floor. He was on the adult floor, cardiac adult floor. It was kind of a weird setup, but anyway, we made friends with a nurse who took care of David. He was five years old and he was on this adult employ.

spk_3:   4:31
How ironic, Because now he's an adult and going to a Children's hospital. It's just absolute reverse with That's kind of funny. Okay, here you are in Alabama, far from home, far from your family, and you're separated from your Children. But you're with this actually world renowned surgeon Dr John McClane. He's one of the great fathers of pediatric cardiology, so it's it's pretty amazing. So tell me about the surgery.

spk_0:   5:03
The first thing they had to do with a cardiac catheterization on that was done by a Dr Bergeron. So they finally let him go to the pediatric floor. That was kind of eye opening to me because the parents of the Children who were waiting for cardiac surgery. We're very reclusive in that they had come from other places in the country to, and they didn't socialize it all. They didn't talk to other parents, and then they didn't come out of the Children's rooms. Well, I'm a very social being, and I need to talk to people. So I would walked the whole talk to the nurses, talk to everybody, met some wonderful people while I was there. The other extension of the floor was cardiac, but it was adult met, wonderful people there, some patients, some families of patients and so forth. So I was kind of peculiar. And I guess they thought I was some sort of a man woman because I could talk to people and try to share things with them. And

spk_3:   6:13
it's that teacher in you, Roseanne. We didn't breathe this in your bio, but I know you were a Montessori teacher and your principal. That's the teacher, the helper in you coming out,

spk_0:   6:25
yes, and also to keep my sanity.

spk_3:   6:28
Sure

spk_0:   6:29
not isolating, and I didn't think it was good for David to be isolated, either.

spk_3:   6:34
No.

spk_0:   6:35
Then they decided when the surgery is going to be. And the protocol at that time. Waas 20 shots intra muscular of antibiotics like penicillin in in the backside. This was hard on the kids because it affected the muscle. So they had these tricycles on the floor. They encouraged the kids to ride the tragical to keep exercising those muscles.

spk_3:   7:04
Oh, my goodness. I could just picture David on one of those tricycles. Well,

spk_0:   7:09
you had to stay out of his way because

spk_3:   7:13
he was so

spk_0:   7:14
angry about the shots. He knew when they were coming, I'd be there, and we try to pacify him. I mean, he was a parent, and he would just scream, and he didn't want

spk_3:   7:25
it.

spk_0:   7:26
Of course, they were very kind. Now, this is this is pre op. And then they did a 20 post op do. But this

spk_3:   7:34
is a three on a while.

spk_0:   7:35
So what David chose to do was he'd get on a tricycle. And when Dr Kirkland and all the other doctors were doing grand rounds, David would write down all and he'd run right into a ll the doctors.

spk_3:   7:51
Oh, my gosh,

spk_0:   7:55
He did.

spk_3:   7:58
Were you bored aside?

spk_0:   7:59
Well, yes. A little bit,

spk_3:   8:01
but I couldn't

spk_0:   8:02
do anything about it.

spk_3:   8:10
Um, I got this. What? No. Oh, my goodness.

spk_0:   8:15
After David, open heart surgery they had, which they did with a lot of the Children. They attached a pacemaker, and it was a next journal one. Now, it was explained to me that when they went into to close up this VSD they had to the location of it was that they had to cut through what the bundle of hiss is. They called it. And because of that, hey, had to be on a pacemaker. They weren't sure whether it would be permanent or not. He comes out of surgery, He has his pacemaker. And it was external, if you understand that, he carried around this thing on his tricycle and he's raising still into the doctor's feet and causing all sorts of chaos. There was also an incident. This is after his surgery. We had met a family there, and their son Paul and David got to be friends, Paul. He had to have open heart surgery. David and Paul got together, and one night I had gone back to the hotel and David and Paul sound what was what they called the pump room where they had all the heart lung machines.

spk_3:   9:41
Yeah,

spk_0:   9:41
and they got in there. I don't know exactly what they did, but they caused a little chaos in the hospital. Posted. It was David's world David

spk_3:   9:55
through each other edge of the best.

spk_0:   9:57
Right there. They're both five years old. I mean, what are

spk_3:   10:00
you going?

spk_0:   10:01
Big? In the meantime, they had implanted that pacemaker, and he was going to have it for the rest of his life. But it was big. It was,

spk_3:   10:11
Yeah,

spk_0:   10:12
Data was skinny. It was placed right below his rib cage in the front, not up above. So this thing bulged out. So the advice to me is to try to make life as normal as possible for the kids and let them get on with their lives, especially can because you're fortunate while you have them. So let them be normal and let them feel normal because they really don't feel normal. David never did with that pacemaker all his life where every time we went to the beach, she wouldn't

spk_4:   10:50
take off his T shirts. He didn't want anybody to see is Dipper Marks. And he

spk_2:   10:54
didn't want anybody to

spk_4:   10:55
see his pacemaker

spk_2:   11:03
forever by the Baby Blue Sound collective. I think what I love so much about this CD is that some of the songs were inspired by the patient's many listeners will understand many of the different songs and what they've been inspired by. Our new album will be available on iTunes. Amazon dot com. Spotify I love effect that the proceeds from this CD are actually going to help those with congenital heart defects. Enjoy music home Tonight forever.

spk_4:   11:39
Take this hot industry. We're offering us a mechanical hot, and he said, now that I've had enough to give it to someone who's worthy. My father promised me a golden dressed twirled it, held my hand and asked me where I wanted to go. Whatever strive for conflict that we experienced in our long career together was always healed by humor.

spk_5:   12:00
Heart to heart With Michael, Please join us every Thursday at noon, Eastern as we talked with people from around the world who have experienced those most difficult moments,

spk_1:   12:11
you are listening to heart to heart with ammo. If you have a question or comment that you would like to dress down, show please send an email to Anna Dworsky at Anna at heart to heart with anna dot com. That's Anna at heart to heart with anna dot com Now back to heart to Heart with

spk_3:   12:30
Roseanne Before the break, you were painting these fabulous pictures in our mind of Little David on a tricycle. Ready? Get to the doctor said. I could just imagine what that was like for you, especially since you were there all by yourself. So let's talk about the support that you did have. It sounds like there really wasn't much support.

spk_0:   12:51
There was not the only support I had. Waas remember I mentioned the nurse on the adult floor. She befriended me and invited me to their house for dinner during that so I could talk to her once in a while. But she was on an entirely different floors. She wasn't into pediatric cardiology. Then I met people in my rounds with David on his tricycle. Going around, I met a girl name dot and her mother was in the hospital, her mother to come. She died, but I had met the whole family who would come to visit her mother, so dot once in a while would say, Come on, let's go out to lunch or something and we could talk, You know about that.

spk_3:   13:39
But what kind of support did you have is a heart mom?

spk_0:   13:43
I didn't. I didn't. And my support was through all these other people that I met. We became friends. And then God came back to the hospital. She say, Let's meet in the cafeteria. I had those kind of friends to be able to talk to, but they were new friends. It wasn't a support group for pediatric cardiology,

spk_3:   14:06
Right? Right. You have just made new friends because you're a friendly, sweet woman. That's amazing that you ended up kind of creating your own support system away from home.

spk_0:   14:19
I did. Also, there was another patient there. He had been a pharmacist in the hospital. I did not stay overnight at the hospital all the time because it was horrendous. They would come through all through the night and everything else, and it was just dreadful. And I put I can't do this and still be there for David during the day, though eventually I took a motel room not too far away and used to walk to the hospital. But what would happen is when I decide to go back to the hotel to sleep. I would bring David today that his left knee was Lyons and I hit David on David's bed and he'd read him the rest of the monster at the

spk_3:   15:07
end of this.

spk_0:   15:10
And that helps. I could leave David

spk_3:   15:13
O

spk_0:   15:15
beautifully come back early in the morning. I met a wonderful priest in the hospital. He was stationed in the Veterans Hospital across the street and he celebrated Mass every morning about seven o'clock, so I would get there seven. Go to Mass and then come back to the hospital, be there the whole day till I went home to sleep.

spk_3:   15:34
So you created your own routine around these people who could be a source of support for you. So you had somebody helping read a bedtime story to David. So he had in that routine he knew Mr David was there, just in case, because Mommy had to go home to get some sleep. That was brilliant. That was absolutely brilliant.

spk_0:   15:58
The good Lord was looking down on all of us. Really. It worked out. I was very grateful. The way I did have a support group, but not in the context of what you're looking for,

spk_3:   16:08
right?

spk_0:   16:09
But I didn't know any better anyway,

spk_3:   16:11
so I really, really Well, now I understand you a lot better. I mean, David and I have talked about you and you and I are actually really similar people because I also used the Montessori method when I taught my Children. But I wasn't trained him on a story like you were. I just read some books about it. I understand that you were a teacher or principal and you were working while you were raising your child who had a congenital heart defect, not to mention your other healthy Children. Tell me about some of the challenges that you face during that time of your life.

spk_0:   16:50
Well, it was very interesting. I had not gone to college right from high school, and I went out into the business world and and worked. Finally, my husband said to me, Why don't you go back to school now? David's been born, but I got involved in Montessori prior to my getting my bachelor's degree, did some studying, went to workshops and was friends with a really talented Montessori in and did a lot of reading. But I thought I really need more of a background and education to begin with. Luckily, one of the local colleges started what was called a weekend college program. You went off for weekend every weekend and this was for adults and got an associates degree and then went on and completed a degree at another weekend college. Both of them were Catholic institutions. I really enjoyed going back, but at the same time, I was studying Monster story and boning up to do or my practical and Adam my testing. So it was a busy time.

spk_3:   18:06
Yeah,

spk_0:   18:06
in David's Hospital stays at Montefiore Hospital. I used to bring my books in my my note to get my certification.

spk_3:   18:15
Talk about multi task egg. Well,

spk_0:   18:18
yeah, yeah. D'oh! So that's how I got into Montessori was through a friend and I really thought it was the best way to go for Children to learn. I also have to tell you that my father was the New York City policeman and he was very practical. He was very bright and papa when I was a little girl, my sister and I were the only ones at home. We traveled a lot by car, and this is back in the day when people didn't. Many people in the city didn't have course,

spk_3:   18:53
sure,

spk_0:   18:53
but my father believed that you had to experience and do and see

spk_4:   18:59
things to learn about them. And I always think of him as my first monetary teacher. Hi, my name is Jaime Al Croft, and I just published my new book, The Tin Man Diaries. It's an amazing story of my sudden change of heart as I went through a heart liver transplant. I can think of no better way to read The Tin Man diaries than to cuddle up in your favorite hearts. Unite the Globe sweatshirt and your favorite hot beverage, of course, in your hearts Unite Blow mug, both of which are available. The Hug podcast network, online store or visit Hearts Unite theglobe dot

spk_5:   19:43
heart to heart with AMA is a presentation of hearts Unite the Globe and is part of the hug podcast Network Hearts Unite The Globe is a nonprofit organization devoted to providing resource is to the congenital heart defect community to uplift and power and enrich the lives of our community members, if you would like access to free resource, is pretending to the C H T community. Please visit our website at www congenital heart defects dot com for information about CHD, the hospitals that treat Children with CHD summer camps for CHD survivors and much, much more.

spk_3:   20:19
Before the break reason you were talking about some lessons you learned that your father taught you, and I think that is so beautiful. You have such a lovely family connection. I can see where everyone has been interwoven throughout your life and how even after they pass on their still with you and to me, that's very inspiring. Let's talk about some advice that you have for heart parents today. I know things are very different today than when you were raising your Children, but you've actually taken a very sick baby and raised him all the way forward over five decades. So why don't you tell us what you think is important for parents to know so their Children can have an optimum quality of life?

spk_0:   21:05
I was very fortunate and leave It was that Dr Young he said to me that David should lead as normal a life as he can, and that's what we did. We tried to keep it as normal as we possibly could. That is a lesson that I think parents need to learn with Children with chronic illnesses to make it as normal as possible,

spk_3:   21:35
yes,

spk_0:   21:36
and to try to bring them up so that they are happy, healthy as they could be, but that they also can survive in society.

spk_3:   21:48
It seems to me like David had a really, really normal life, even even in getting into trouble in the hospital. I mean, you raised him in such a way that you didn't cripple him. You've seen David go through five decades of life, and I know his medical history started out a little rocky. It's surprising to me he made it aged five, before he had his first surgery.

spk_0:   22:13
It doesn't make it.

spk_3:   22:15
I know right. But I know that he's gone through different phases in his life for his has sort of medical problems. What has been the most difficult experience that you've had watching David go through some of these problems? I

spk_0:   22:29
think the biggest one was as an adult gave. It was withing in Texas. He was newly married, and he was seeing a cardiologists, but not a pediatric cardiologists. David called me, told me I did surgery and he said he didn't know whether he should go to Houston or should he go back to U. A. B. I said to him I would go back to U A. B. Maybe they have all your previous records. You know, a little bit of the lay of the land there. He decided to go there. He goes there on his own. They did the testing and they were going to do the surgery. Now Kirk Quinn had left by this time because David was 26 at this point and Dr Pacifica was to do the surgery. Dr. Pacifica had been Kirkland protege when David at his first surgery at age five.

spk_3:   23:31
Right,

spk_0:   23:31
though that sounded good.

spk_3:   23:34
How did you mother him? It's so much harder once they become adults.

spk_0:   23:40
Yes, well, David and I have always been close, and I think it's because we bonded so quickly when he

spk_3:   23:47
reports are absolutely

spk_0:   23:50
so he would keep me the price on the phone and he was doing well comparatively well. I did go down. I guess it was right after the surgery. When I got the call that he had a stroke on the table, I couldn't believe it and they got him to the floor and they kept denying that he had a stroke.

spk_3:   24:16
But you could have a situation. It

spk_0:   24:19
was dreadful because there was one nurse that got David up out of bed. He said he couldn't see and nobody paid attention. And as they were trying to walk in, there's Pharrell and I. She said. Of course he had a stroke. Look at the way he's working. He was working like the legs out and defend no direction. Then they did the check on the brain and everything else. And the neurologist said to me, Yes, well, his brain is so damn I said, Well, that's pretty obvious to me, but what can we do about it? You know?

spk_3:   24:57
Yeah, right.

spk_0:   24:58
In the meantime, David couldn't see no

spk_3:   25:01
scary.

spk_0:   25:03
Yeah, he was blind for about a week

spk_3:   25:05
around my ranch.

spk_0:   25:07
We called in a specialist. The eye specialist did say he couldn't track him and he tested. And all I had defense that he thought David was malingering.

spk_3:   25:18
Oh, my goodness. Really?

spk_0:   25:20
Because when They brought David back after the stroke, in the Adam on the floor in his room, he became combative, which is typical, which I didn't realize how difficult of stroke victims. They can become combative. And David pulled all the leads out of him.

spk_3:   25:38
Oh, my goodness. Wow.

spk_0:   25:41
It was a very difficult time. Very difficult time. Dr. Piccolo had left for a conference. He wasn't around. Even the horror show for David, for May. I called a Pam and I said, You need to get here because I wasn't sure he was going to make it.

spk_3:   26:00
Oh, my goodness, that's terrified.

spk_0:   26:03
He was going back to Texas. His wife was still there. She was going back with him. I will be very honest with you. We took him to the airport. I saw him get on that plane and I didn't think I would see him alive again. He was in such bad shape.

spk_3:   26:19
Oh, my goodness was in

spk_0:   26:21
bad shape. It's a brain injury. And

spk_3:   26:25
sure,

spk_0:   26:25
that's what he was stuck with. Who he goes back to Texas. And thanks be to God. He connected with Dr Harris and I get I don't know whether he got Dr Harris through Ruth and Curtis. Uh, who is an angel? An angel. And it was through those two that it was discovered with another cat scan. That David had a stroke in the temporal portion of his brain, and I asked why it wasn't found before then. Apparently, sometimes they don't show up on cap scams are things right away. And remember, David could never have an M R I because of his pacemaker.

spk_3:   27:14
Sure, sure,

spk_0:   27:15
Yeah, it got very complicated. And he bent. I've forgotten exactly how many years in a pretty bad state, emotionally depressed and physically in that great shape. But he came through. He came through. Then they had a child. Sara, his daughter and Pam went to work in David race Hera, and he's done a great job.

spk_3:   27:46
He has done a great job. So if you had to leave one parting piece of advice for mothering an adult with a congenital heart defect, which is totally different, the mothering a baby with a heart defect, what would that one piece of advice be? Roseanne?

spk_0:   28:04
You do have to let go because you are not in charge of not a child anymore. And the hardest part is really letting go and having faith enough that they'll get through. But that's all you can do.

spk_3:   28:21
I

spk_0:   28:22
carried around all the time, whether they're five years old or 30 years old, 50 years old.

spk_3:   28:29
Sharpton.

spk_0:   28:30
But they are their own person. They have to be independent. I can give all the advice in the world to David, but it is his. It's his body. It's his decision. He has to do what he is comfortable doing

spk_3:   28:47
all right, and I think that's beautiful. I think that's spot on, and it brings us full circle to last week's show and this week's show. Having a talk about faith, I can see how faith has been a significant element in your life and in David's. Yes, what they give so much for being on the program today. Brazil. And this has been completely delightful.

spk_0:   29:13
Thank you. It's hard going over some of it, but it's good. It's cathartic. You have to get rid of all the worries and talking about it. It will help.

spk_3:   29:24
It is, and I think us old time moms and I can't believe I'm an old time mom already, but I am because I have a kid who's in his twenties and for the heart world, that is a miracle. But you don't need to be talking to a mom of a child in his fifties. Wow, it's been such an honor. And I do believe that our stories in our advice can help others who are having Children with hard to fix today.

spk_0:   29:49
I hope so.

spk_3:   29:50
Oh, I know it. Well, that does conclude this episode of heart to heart with Anna. Thanks for listening today. Find us on I heart radio and subscribe. And remember, my friends, you are not alone.

spk_1:   30:06
Thank you again for joining us this week Way Hope you have been inspired on Empowered to become an advocate for the congenital heart defect community Heart to heart with Anna with your host and Dworsky can be heard every Tuesday at 12 noon eastern time

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