Dr. Tim Thayne talks about a families values and how recently they haven't been emphasized. Children need to be taught what to value by their parents, the ones that love them the most. However, if they don't teach them, then the internet will. Dr. Thayne encourages parents to sit down with each other and discuss what they value and how they can live and teach it better to their children. Parents are the greatest and most selfless teachers out their, because no-one has a deeper love for their Child.
Dr. Tim Thayne talks about a families values and how recently they haven't been emphasized. Children need to be taught what to value by their parents, the ones that love them the most. However, if they don't teach them, then the internet will. Dr. Thayne encourages parents to sit down with each other and discuss what they value and how they can live and teach it better to their children. Parents are the greatest and most selfless teachers out their, because no-one has a deeper love for their Child.
There are as many ways to parent as there are parents in this world. But there is one way to parent that wins every time. And that's doing it intentionally. This show is about helping things go right before they can go wrong. Each episode is chosen to help parents like you, who may be overwhelmed or uninspired, find the ideas and motivation to give their best efforts to the people and place that matters the most. I'm Dr. Tim, Thayne, author of the book and host of the podcast, not by chance, I believe that a family success and happiness is not by chance. So welcome to the podcast built especially for intentional families. Let's jump in. Hi, everyone. Thank you for joining me for this podcast. Today, I'm excited to share something with you that I think is close to my heart. It may be a topic that you might be surprised that a mental health professional would would focus on. But I think it's one of the most important things we could talk about. Today, I'm going to talk to you about values, values and parenting, why they're so important, why we need to focus on them right now in our society. And, and some of the downsides of not having them clearly identified and stated and taught to our kids. I want to start out by just telling you a quick, quick experience I had, literally just few minutes before this podcast, I was on the phone with a father who was calling in to get some support and help he was looking into our services. And he described the situation at home. And he said that he has this this boy that is he's about 14 years old, he has been a really a perfect almost a perfect kid, all the way growing up a really bright student straight aways, athletic kind of engaged in life in a really good way growing and doing well. And almost seemingly overnight, things start to change, he started spending a lot more time his room a lot more time online. And before he knew it, he started seeing some changes in behavior. The behaviors that he saw, were disrespect. They were ultimately turned into violence, actually, where there's a lot of violence towards the Father. And this father was really perplexed by it because he'd been shown him love all along, there was a good relationship between them all along, and then suddenly this change happened. Now it does correspond with some natural things that are happening inside a young person's life and body where they're becoming an adolescent and, and the hormones and all of that that kick in. But we can't separate what's going on from the society that we live in. And what this this boy is probably experiencing. We live in a society right now that it almost seems upside down in many, many ways. Especially if you have traditional views about what is right, what's wrong. What is, you know, our conscience would tell us to do versus maybe what we see. If you're like me, and you're watching television sometimes and or things online, and you see behaviors that are stunning, like how could someone do what they just did? I think what you're experiencing is, you have been taught a set of values, you have a value system where that came from your faith traditions, your upbringing, or came from just the teachings of your parents or something you've learned along the way. You've got standards and expectations that you have for yourself and feel like should be universal in society. And there's a stark difference between maybe those values and what you're seeing in the world. I want to put in a huge plug to all parents out there to identify your core values and decide what you need to do to either espouse them more meaning teach them both in word and deed to your children or start to live them whatever whatever you need to do with those values. Make sure that you are operating from a value place. This is Gonna be again, quite a contrast with what I think kids are learning in school in general, with what they're probably learning if they're going to therapy, because in therapy, really, it's all about how do you feel, and you know, if you got anxiety, how do we help you not have anxiety, if you think about it, you know, the trend to soften everything to, to make everything kind of your choice. And the trend in family life and as parents can easily fall into to kind of smooth the path for our child to make it easier, is a little bit like taking the values away. Like let's let's not have those values stand in the way of you sort of exploring and becoming yourself and, and figuring out how you want to live your life. I think we've gone too far, I think that we have passed up where that is helpful at this point, there's always got to be that balance between choice. But then the other side is there's got to be accountability. And that accountability comes with a clear set of values and expectations. So if you haven't sat down with your co parent for a while and said, What is it that we really stand for? What is it that we want to relay to our kids? What are the values we think will bring them happiness in their life, then please do that. Do that soon. Because as I watch kids these days, and and hear parents call us and call in and look for help. It is as if the values that are being taught are are these extreme values of, of do what you want to do. And how do you feel and go that direction. It's not let your conscience be your guide and let your conscience tell you how to act in a different different given situation of what's right and what's wrong. It's it's almost soft peddling all of that, and, and allowing everybody to kind of choose what they want. So we do live in a secular society that has really separated itself from maybe our historical traditions have been founded on on God's law. And on higher the belief in a higher power. And, and even to the point of relativism, where it's sort of relative, you know, the values are relative, if you live over here, that could be this way, if you live over here could be that way. But I guess I believe very strongly that if you if you kind of check in deep down, and in your daily life go about your life, you will have little feelings of Oh, I feel a little guilty about that. That's, that's your conscience telling you that something different from that would have been better. And that's healthy. It's not, it's not wrong and stagnating to actually have these values in this conscience actually be our guide. So you teach your kids how to do that, do it yourself, we make mistakes and and should be able to say I made a mistake. And the right thing would have been to do this other. Anyway, I'm really feeling strongly about this right now. And I hope this is coming through. I think mental health is tied to this as well. Strong mental health, being able to, to deal with challenges in our life, come from having some bedrock foundation that we're built on. And that's what I'm proposing today is that you reinstitute the values you have put them at the top of the hierarchy of things you want to make sure you pass on and that you live by. And then doing that I think you're going to see better relationships with your kids, you're going to see them feel more secure in their life, because there's something that they're stable on. They they're not just out drifting in an ocean of conflicting beliefs and ideas. They're something that they believe in and are trying to get to. If we're not teaching those values, I guarantee you, other values are being installed in our kids ideas and conscious conscience and even subconscious. And that we need to take that that position. I've heard of kids. And I and I go back to the story. I was telling you the beginning. The values they're learning online these days are scary. You know, I don't know if I'd suggest a bit might be a good exercise. You go online somewhere and find a chat room with teenagers and see what they're talking about. About, see how they're teaching each other, to to be okay with certain things or to question certain things or to how to gain power over their parents actually, literally, they in some cases I, I've, I've found out that the kids are learning how to manipulate their parents from each other online. So instead of the values of respecting your parents, it's the value of how much can you get away with? Or how do you actually be able to control the situation so that you can have unfettered access to your cell phone or your Xbox. And they teach each other that you can up the ante ratchet up the threats to a point where now parental power, or influence, the very thing they need the most at this age in their life. Is, is null and void. And so I again, tell you that I think this is the one of the major keys that we're leaving out of the discussion right now, when it comes to mental health, and parental role, and all of those things. And hopefully, this has come through to you today. And so I asked you to take the time, sit down, write them out, ask yourself do an assessment, are we teaching these values? Are we exhibiting the living out of the values that we have? And if not, then make a plan and make some changes, set your child down, talk to them, tell them what you'd like to do differently? What you wished you'd have done, even if you're later in the game. Late is better than never. And I encourage you to do that. Thank you for listening today, and I hope what I've shared can be of help to you. Parents, your time is valuable, and I'm grateful you spent some of it with us. What you're intentionally doing in your home life is inspiring and unmatched in its importance in long term effects. Ask yourself, What am I going to do because of what I've learned today?